“Jersey Shore” was complete garbage this week.
As I predicted, when I found out that MTV was sending a bunch of non-Itaian-speaking people to Italy for no reason other than their chosen social subculture has been stereotypically attributed to Italian-AMERICANS (having nothing at all to do with Italians in Italy), they can’t socialize with anyone but themselves, so the shows are entirely about the boring, redundant interactions between the housemates. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Walk Like A Duck”
Like I said last week, MTV blew their wad with the previous Jersey Shore episode.
This week was a complete yawn-fest.
The entire first block was wasted on Mike the Snitchuation moping around in a neck brace.
He’s in a neck brace because after drooling on the floor while screaming at Ronnie, who was getting ready to punch his lights out, he goes to make some kind of roid-rage power move against the wall and hits his HEAD instead of his HANDS and knocks himself out.
Upon Ronnie talking yang about Mike knocking himself out, he gets up, does the move the right way, and then they proceed to fight for 7 seconds before the 300lb bouncers that stand behind the videographers ran in and broke it up.
Pro Tip: If you’re actually mad at someone and intend to kick their ass, do it when the bouncers aren’t there, please. Thxkbai.
Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Boredom & Hickies”
They aired two episodes of Jersey Shore this week, so there’s a lot to cover today.
If I miss anything or you want to discuss a particular topic, leave a comment below or find the thread on Facebook or Google+.
Virgins Are Useful
We ended last episode with the Jersey Shore housemates bagging a couple of chicks… To be specific.. The one chick that Mike’s been able to pull since he’s been in Italy, this American chick (of all people to meet in Italy), just so happens to have a twin sister. Mike had had plans of hooking up with the both of them until Deena pulled the robbery on him and started making out with the extra twin.
Before this happened, the extra twin had announced that she’s a virgin, which we all know means absolutely nothing, because nobody’s going to take your word for something like that. We just go “yeah, yeah, yeah” and then see what happens when we get back to the crib. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Double Header”
Continued from “Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 01 of 02]
As the sole Italian-speaker in the house, I was expecting more production from Vinny. He’s been striking out like a pitcher without a pinch-hitter ever since this season began (according to the edit).
I have to get ahead of the story to say that his only relevant storylines this week had to do with Deena.
Deena got this Italian guy she had met at a restaurant to come home with her after partying at the club.
Instead of taking him to the designated room where the housemates are supposed to take their guests to have sex with them, she decides to start making out with the dude on her bed, which is in the room she shares with Pauly and Vinny.
Vinny starts rightfully complaining that she should take the dude to the sex room, and instead of doing that, Deena leaves her guest in the bedroom to come argue with Vinny. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 02 of 02]”
Episode 3 of “Jersey Shore”: Italy actually had a lot to discuss. We’re gonna do this in two parts, this week:
Ronnie & Sammi
Like I said.. Sammi has no existence on the show other than to be all up under Ronnie. As soon as she found out he was about to start trying to bring girls to the house, she amped up her full-court press, and you could see Ronnie starting to fold last week.
As I predicted would eventually happen, Ronnie sold out *AGAIN*, and he and Sammi are back together as a couple.
I’m disgusted, but it makes perfect sense. Ronnie went for the guaranteed lay, every night of his vacation in Italy. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 01 of 02]”
“Jersey Shore” went pretty much as I suspected, this week.
They started out with Pauly kissing Deena, about which I said last week:
“This season, it looks like Deena’s sweating Pauly. At the end of this premiere Italy episode, she starts feebly making out with him at the club, and Pauly looks like.. Well… Pauly DOESN’T look like he’s really very interested in kissing her.
I would say that Pauly’s look fluctuated between being embarrassed that he was being filmed tonguing Deena down on camera, and looking like he felt like he was licking a used fire hydrant.”
Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy, Episode 02″
Jersey Shore was filmed in Italy this season.
Of course, this doesn’t make any sense, because a) three of them aren’t even Italian, and b) none of them except for Vinny actually SPEAKS Italian.
It also doesn’t make any sense, because just like they didn’t get any play in Miami, because no chicks are checkin’ for their style down there, no chicks are looking for spray-tanned Americans in Italy. Continue reading “Jersey Shore Italy Season Predictions”