Jersey Snore

I hadn’t thought it could get any worse, but last night’s Jersey Shore” was a complete waste of time. Apparently, it was a bunch of extra footage they had laying around that they decided to waste 44-minutes-plus-commercials’ worth of our time with. It was as if the production company delivered 11 episodes to MTV and then found out they were actually responsible for 12.

Bleech. :/

Nothing important happened at all. Here are the status updates:

Ronnie: Burned dinner so he had to go food shopping.
Sammi: Did nothing, because her entire life is Ronnie.
Jenni: Did nothing, because her entire life is her boyfriend.
Vinny: Made several statements about how much he likes Pauly.
Pauly: Made several statements about how much he likes Vinny.
Deena: Threw sex at Pauly, who instead hung out in bed with Vinny.
Nicole: Told her “boyfriend” that right after they got off the phone, she screwed Vinny.
Mike: Talked a lot of yang to people that signed releases for MTV to show their faces as they argued with him across crowded rooms of people with several bouncers and MTV security guards standing between them.

What a waste of time. Continue reading “Jersey Snore”

Did We Have Sex?

On this season of “Jersey Shore”, Deena, Vinny, and Pauly are roommates. Their beds are in the same room, at what appears to be a distance of 15 feet or less from each other. There is nothing stopping any of them from hearing and seeing everything that goes on in either of the other two roommates’ beds…

A few episodes ago, Deena brought home a girl, hopped in bed with her, and hooked up with her. Not only is it on videotape, but Vinny was right there, and saw and heard the action, until Deena was finished with the chick and sent her to Vinny’s bed to, as he calls it “polish him off”.

After the fact, Deena denied hooking up with the chick, like she denies hooking up with everybody we’ve seen her hop into bed with since she joined the cast last season. The obvious problem is that there’s videotape showing Vinny telling another housemate that he could see and hear the action between Deena and the chick, so it was Vinny’s word vs. Deena’s word… Meanwhile, Deena was at a restaurant with the girls, talking about how Vinny got her “sloppy seconds”.

The point being that even though she knew damned well that Vinny can see and hear CLEARLY from his bed to hers, she tried to hold the line that she didn’t do what Vinny said she did. Continue reading “Did We Have Sex?”

You’re drunk seven days a week.. You’re hooking up with girls..

Mental Breakdown

In block 1, Nicole has a mental breakdown because nobody will explain to her that the way she carries herself is raunchy and unacceptable.

This is the reason why people shouldn’t enable weirdos.

At least, if you’re going to enable somebody that behaves strangely, balance your interaction with them with reality, or what Politically Correct people call “Tough Love”.

Your “boyfriend” told you he doesn’t like chicks that speak or act like whores. You continued to speak and act like a whore. He told you to stop. You refused to stop, and, in fact, told him “You don’t want to talk to me?.. BYE!!!” and started dancing like your life was lovely, and then when he threw your jacket at you and broke north with no delay, your entire world fell apart.

Continue reading “You’re drunk seven days a week.. You’re hooking up with girls..”

Jersey Shore vs. Regular People

I’m not a regular person. I never have been.. Most likely, never will be.

My life is not “usual”.. The things I do aren’t “usual”.

I don’t remember when I recognized this for sure, but I’ve been aware of my individuality for my entire life.. I was illin’ in kindergarten and never stopped.

Because I know who I am, I don’t expect people to treat me like an average person.

To put that another way, I expect people to treat me in an average fashion until they figure out who I am.

After that, they have three choices: Continue reading “Jersey Shore vs. Regular People”

“Jersey Shore” Italy: Walk Like A Duck

Jersey Shore” was complete garbage this week.

As I predicted, when I found out that MTV was sending a bunch of non-Itaian-speaking people to Italy for no reason other than their chosen social subculture has been stereotypically attributed to Italian-AMERICANS (having nothing at all to do with Italians in Italy), they can’t socialize with anyone but themselves, so the shows are entirely about the boring, redundant interactions between the housemates. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Walk Like A Duck”

“Jersey Shore” Italy: Boredom & Hickies

Like I said last week, MTV blew their wad with the previous Jersey Shore episode.

This week was a complete yawn-fest.

Mike’s Neck

The entire first block was wasted on Mike the Snitchuation moping around in a neck brace.

He’s in a neck brace because after drooling on the floor while screaming at Ronnie, who was getting ready to punch his lights out, he goes to make some kind of roid-rage power move against the wall and hits his HEAD instead of his HANDS and knocks himself out.

Upon Ronnie talking yang about Mike knocking himself out, he gets up, does the move the right way, and then they proceed to fight for 7 seconds before the 300lb bouncers that stand behind the videographers ran in and broke it up.

    Pro Tip: If you’re actually mad at someone and intend to kick their ass, do it when the bouncers aren’t there, please. Thxkbai.

Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Boredom & Hickies”

“Jersey Shore” Italy: Double Header

They aired two episodes of Jersey Shore this week, so there’s a lot to cover today.

If I miss anything or you want to discuss a particular topic, leave a comment below or find the thread on Facebook or Google+.

Virgins Are Useful

We ended last episode with the Jersey Shore housemates bagging a couple of chicks… To be specific.. The one chick that Mike’s been able to pull since he’s been in Italy, this American chick (of all people to meet in Italy), just so happens to have a twin sister. Mike had had plans of hooking up with the both of them until Deena pulled the robbery on him and started making out with the extra twin.

Before this happened, the extra twin had announced that she’s a virgin, which we all know means absolutely nothing, because nobody’s going to take your word for something like that. We just go “yeah, yeah, yeah” and then see what happens when we get back to the crib. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Double Header”

“Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 02 of 02]

Continued from “Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 01 of 02]


As the sole Italian-speaker in the house, I was expecting more production from Vinny. He’s been striking out like a pitcher without a pinch-hitter ever since this season began (according to the edit).

I have to get ahead of the story to say that his only relevant storylines this week had to do with Deena.

Deena got this Italian guy she had met at a restaurant to come home with her after partying at the club.

Instead of taking him to the designated room where the housemates are supposed to take their guests to have sex with them, she decides to start making out with the dude on her bed, which is in the room she shares with Pauly and Vinny.

Vinny starts rightfully complaining that she should take the dude to the sex room, and instead of doing that, Deena leaves her guest in the bedroom to come argue with Vinny. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 02 of 02]”

“Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 01 of 02]

Episode 3 of “Jersey Shore”: Italy actually had a lot to discuss. We’re gonna do this in two parts, this week:

Ronnie & Sammi

Like I said.. Sammi has no existence on the show other than to be all up under Ronnie. As soon as she found out he was about to start trying to bring girls to the house, she amped up her full-court press, and you could see Ronnie starting to fold last week.

As I predicted would eventually happen, Ronnie sold out *AGAIN*, and he and Sammi are back together as a couple.

I’m disgusted, but it makes perfect sense. Ronnie went for the guaranteed lay, every night of his vacation in Italy. Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy: Twinning [Part 01 of 02]”

“Jersey Shore” Italy, Episode 02

“Jersey Shore” went pretty much as I suspected, this week.

MVP/D - Jersey Shore


They started out with Pauly kissing Deena, about which I said last week:

“This season, it looks like Deena’s sweating Pauly. At the end of this premiere Italy episode, she starts feebly making out with him at the club, and Pauly looks like.. Well… Pauly DOESN’T look like he’s really very interested in kissing her.

I would say that Pauly’s look fluctuated between being embarrassed that he was being filmed tonguing Deena down on camera, and looking like he felt like he was licking a used fire hydrant.”

Continue reading ““Jersey Shore” Italy, Episode 02″