Bill Cammack » kids http://billcammack.com Mon, 30 Jan 2012 22:01:23 +0000 en-us hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Teach Me How To Study!!! http://billcammack.com/2010/11/12/teach-me-how-to-study/ http://billcammack.com/2010/11/12/teach-me-how-to-study/#comments Fri, 12 Nov 2010 20:28:22 +0000 Bill Cammack remixed 8th grade students celerity nascent charter school located teach study all my teachers love me you ain www youtube com watch v qzy5y8dg5ru well all d teach study can los angeles concept shot directed and edited teach dougie messin my study mr cee erik conley remixed 8th grade students celerity nascent charter school located teach study all my teachers love me you ain www youtube com watch v qzy5y8dg5ru well all d teach study can los angeles concept shot directed and edited teach dougie messin my study mr cee erik conley http://billcammack.com/?p=9208 :D “Teach me how to Dougie” Remixed by 8th grade students @ Celerity Nascent Charter School located in the heart of Los Angeles. Concept.. Shot.. Directed.. and [...]]]>

I love this! haha :D

Teach me how to study!
Can you teach me how to study?
All my teachers love me!
You ain’t messin’ with my STUDY!!! >:D

“Teach me how to Dougie” Remixed by 8th grade students @ Celerity Nascent Charter School located in the heart of Los Angeles.

Concept.. Shot.. Directed.. and Edited by their technology teacher, Mr. Cee (Erik Conley)

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZY5Y8Dg5RU

Well Done, Y’all! :D
–
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]]> http://billcammack.com/2010/11/12/teach-me-how-to-study/feed/ 0 Responsibilities in Relationships http://billcammack.com/2010/07/07/responsibilities-in-relationships/ http://billcammack.com/2010/07/07/responsibilities-in-relationships/#comments Thu, 08 Jul 2010 01:37:19 +0000 Bill Cammack grasp maaaaaybe handing the kids controllers forward feeding and changing kids beforehand if baby dolls and carriages and ovens hormonal child bearing the stuck changing and feeding the kid s the child maintenance duties feeding playing sports and reading boyfriends husbands automatically share grasp maaaaaybe handing the kids controllers forward feeding and changing kids beforehand if baby dolls and carriages and ovens hormonal child bearing the stuck changing and feeding the kid s the child maintenance duties feeding playing sports and reading boyfriends husbands automatically share http://billcammack.com/?p=8581

Single Life

Just two days ago, I was out to brunch with a friend and somehow, the topic of video games came up. I think I was explaining to her what I felt the value was of being yourself from the giddyap instead of doing what other people wanted you to do so they’d be willing to hang out with you.

I told her something to the effect of a chick would be a fool to give me an ultimatum to choose between spending time with her and playing video games because without a split second’s hesitation, I’d be like “Don’t let the door hit’cha… Where the Good Lord SPLIT’CHA!!!” :D

I can afford that though, because I’m single and I don’t have any kids. If a chick doesn’t fit in with my style, she can vamoose and make space for the next gal who’s already on deck, waiting to step into the batter’s box.

So just now, reader “Kim” brought up the scenario of a guy having kids with a gal and still spending all day playing video games with his homeboys instead of spending time with the kids, doing chores, whatever.

Being that that’s a foreign situation to me, I have a hard time properly processing it. I know how it feels to play video games all day and not pay attention to SOME OTHER CHICK’S KID(S)! :D hahaha but I can’t really grasp anything other than MAAAAAYBE handing the kids controllers so they could make themselves useful in the game I’m playing. >:D

The reason I wanted to bring this up is that I think this is a very important issue that couples don’t often discuss before they accidentally have kids.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It’s actually been funny to me, throughout the years, watching women get exasperated and frustrated because their boyfriends/husbands have ZERO to do with the kid’s maintenance. It’s funny because I know that in whatever brief fantasies I’ve had about having kids, I never imagined changing one or feeding one or really doing ANYTHING with them other than playing sports and reading to them from books, handing them video game controllers… you know.. FUN stuff! :D

Unfortunately for women, they feel like a guy’s going to automatically give a flying **** about child maintenance just because he’s the one that got her pregnant. It doesn’t work like that. They don’t give us baby dolls and carriages and ovens to play with when we’re kids. That’s “girl stuff”. They give us footballs and baseball equipment and send us for drum lessons. Changing a kid never crosses our minds because there’s no reason for it to. In order to have a kid, it’s got to come with a female, who just so happens to have been reared to take care of the kids since *SHE* was a kid. It’s like kids come with automatic nannies, off the bat.

This is why women are surprised and complain so much that they’re the ones that always get stuck changing and feeding the kid(s). They don’t get that THEY’RE the ones that go through hormonal changes during child-bearing, not US. :) We’re the exact same dudes that we were before… which brings up another issue…

Get a clue, ladies… If a dude doesn’t like to clean up after himself BEFORE you move in with him, what makes you think he’s going to want to start doing it AFTER you move in with him? O_o In fact, it’ll probably get WORSE now that he has YOU to clean up after him because that’s part of the reason he selected you as his girlfriend/wife in the first place.

Once again, no hormonal change occurs in guys when they move in with a gal that makes them different people than when y’all used to live apart from each other. If you want a guy to clean things when you live together… wait for it….. Date A Guy That Cleans Up After Himself From The Giddyap! :D

Same thing with taking out the garbage. Same thing with visiting your relatives on the weekend instead of staying home and watching the game. Same thing with going to Happy Hour after work with his co-workers. Same thing with him driving his Corvette when you think he should trade it in for a van so he can chauffeur your new family all over creation.

The Talk

I wonder how many couples have these conversations ahead of time?.. I know a bunch of them have the convo AFTER THE FACT! :D

I know I’ve never had a conversation where I would have claimed to take responsibility for ANYTHING, as you can guess, being that I won’t even let a chick interrupt my “ME Time”. I can only imagine that it’s stressful for both sides, unless the guy had been looking forward to feeding and changing kids beforehand.

If you have any comments on this topic (whether you have kids or not), please leave them below so we can all benefit from your wisdom. :D

Ladies, do you expect your boyfriends/husbands to automatically share, say 40% to 50% of the child-maintenance duties with you if/when you have kids?

Guys, is this something that ever crosses your mind, or do you just figure the female’s going to deal with it and call you when dinner’s ready? :D

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]]> http://billcammack.com/2010/07/07/responsibilities-in-relationships/feed/ 10 Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets) http://billcammack.com/2009/12/07/safe-sex-tutorial-big-willie-pockets/ http://billcammack.com/2009/12/07/safe-sex-tutorial-big-willie-pockets/#comments Mon, 07 Dec 2009 10:30:30 +0000 Bill Cammack watch safe sex tutorial big willie pockets safe sex tutorial big willie pockets youtube big willie pockets alright big willie pockets right the big big pockets deep pockets the big willie click big willie boom waah watch safe sex tutorial big willie pockets safe sex tutorial big willie pockets youtube big willie pockets alright big willie pockets right the big big pockets deep pockets the big willie click big willie boom waah http://billcammack.com/?p=7124

* The text below is the beginning of the video. If you can’t see the video embedded on this page, click here to watch “Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)” on YouTube. *

Big Willie Pockets

Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)Alright, y’all. New in November, 2009. Today is November 4th and what we’re going to do today is we’re going to talk about Safe Sex, but we’re going to get into some more interesting topics than what you normally hear about.

Now.. Let’s say you’re chillin’, right, so here’s you, you’re hangin’ out. You’re having a good time. You’re Big Willie, You’ve got the big pockets, right? The big BIG pockets. DEEP POCKETS, Money for days…

Now, you’re chillin’ you go to the club and you meet a chick, right? So she’s smiling, like everything’s groovy, so you’re feeling like everything’s groovy too. So you decide, unfortunately for you, not to use safe sex, right? So, next thing you know, BOOM.. waah, waah… there goes like, little kid, you know what I’m saying?

Now, the problem is, here, that first of all, I mean you’re just hoping she’s a cool person, she’s nice and all that stuff, but the problem is, here.. that THESE are now going to get diminished, right? So now we’re going to go get our eraser for your Big Willie pockets, and we’re gonna do this, you know what I’m saying? So NOW, Your pockets look, you know, more like this.. It’s like half of the Big Willie…

Click here to watch the rest of “Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)” on YouTube.

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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]]> http://billcammack.com/2009/12/07/safe-sex-tutorial-big-willie-pockets/feed/ 4 Dating for Misanthropes http://billcammack.com/2008/11/13/dating-for-misanthropes/ http://billcammack.com/2008/11/13/dating-for-misanthropes/#comments Thu, 13 Nov 2008 19:56:18 +0000 Bill Cammack perfected movie theater dates thing a misanthrope hates tolerate physically chemicals released skate and break north education increases the natural disdain utilize touch and eye contact skillz hates distrusts humankind now invaluable a misanthrope perfected movie theater dates thing a misanthrope hates skate and break north tolerate physically chemicals released utilize touch and eye contact skillz education increases the natural disdain hates distrusts humankind now informed skate slang perfected movie theater dates thing a misanthrope hates skate and break north tolerate physically chemicals released utilize touch and eye contact skillz education increases the natural disdain hates distrusts humankind now informed skate slang perfected movie theater dates thing a misanthrope hates skate and break north tolerate physically chemicals released utilize touch and eye contact skillz education increases the natural disdain hates distrusts humankind now informed skate slang http://billcammack.com/?p=2492

According to Webster’s, a misanthrope is a person who hates or distrusts humankind. Now… Just because you hate people in general, that doesn’t mean that you can’t date them, or that you shouldn’t. :D

Most likely, the reason you don’t like people isn’t because of the way they look, smell or taste… It’s probably that they say retarded things that get on your very last nerve. You’re gaining insight into their personalities or lack of education which increases the natural disdain that you had for them the first time you ever laid eyes on them.

All you need to do is follow The Kid‘s 5 tips for dating people you don’t actually like or have a shred of respect for, and you’ll be happily dating in no time! :D

1) Take your dates to the movies

In order for you to successfully date, you need to AVOID hearing what the other person has to say at all costs. The less you hear, the more you’re going to like her and the better your date will be. Invite her out to the movies. Tell her you’ll get the tickets, and to meet you right at the theater at the exact time that the movie’s scheduled to start. Oh… do this by text message or email so as to avoid any unnecessary yammering she might do which will cause you to bail out on the date. Also find out if she wants popcorn, soda, etc ahead of time, so you can stock up on those before she meets you.

When she gets there, kiss her “hello”, give her some random compliment, like about he eyes or her hair, give her her food and hurry into the theater before she can strike up a conversation. If she starts talking before you get down the hall, ask her if her popcorn has enough butter on it so she starts eating it.

You may have to suffer a bit through the commercials, but once the movie starts, you’re golden. Do the “Richie Cunningham” to get your arm around her, then relate to her for the next two hours via touch and eye contact. When she tries to actually say something, shush her, reminding her that you’re both listening to the movie… together!… then go back to touch and eye contact.

Also, make sure you informed her you’d have to skate (slang for “leave really quickly”) right after the movie, when you initially made plans with her. Credits roll. Kiss her good night. Tell her you had a great time and then break north with no delay.

2) Take your dates to loud places

I discovered this technique by accident. I was in a bar, speaking with someone and barely able to hear them. I guess the crowd got louder, because someone turned the music up, and I was no longer able to hear this person that I was right next to. My first instinct was to wait it out, figuring that I’d be able to understand them a few seconds later. That never happened. What DID happen was….. They kept talking as long as I kept looking at them and nodding! :D

This style is INVALUABLE for a misanthrope! All you have to do is take her to a place that you know plays loud music, like a dance club or a concert. It’s the best of both worlds. You can still utilize your touch and eye contact skillz that you perfected during your many movie theater dates, but you can’t hear a single word she’s saying! :D

Compound the effectiveness of this technique by imagining that she’s saying really intelligent and fascinating things that make you feel more love and respect for her by the minute.

Just as the concert’s ending or they’re turning on the lights in the club, tell her you have to skate, and break north with no delay.

3) Make sure your date is insanely physically attractive

Of course, this is your goal in ANY dating situation… but it’s extra-important for misanthropes. The better-looking she is, the more bullshit you’ll be able to tolerate.

Physically, this has something to do with chemicals released in your body when she’s around that keep you from doing stupid things, such as erasing her number or moving in the opposite direction of her present location. Mentally, it’s like Spike Lee said in “She’s Gotta Have It”:

“You don’t throw away a Rolls Royce because it has a dent in it”

On top of that (no pun intended), the better-looking she is, the more time you’ll spend having sex with her, which means the less time she’ll be talking. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably be bumbling and stammering like an idiot, but at least you’ll be able to convince yourself that the reason she can’t form proper English sentences right now is because you’re hittin’ that spot! :D

4) Make sure you use condoms

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating a person they think is beneath them….. Is that a fair statement? Probably not. You can probably hate someone without thinking you’re better than they are… Weird… Anyway…..

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating someone they think is beneath them… it’s accidentally having inferior kids with them. I mean, it’s one thing when someone with no connection to you AT ALL is a blithering idiot, but it’s like if her “dumb genes” happen to be dominant instead of your “smart genes”, you’re gonna be REAL SOUR for at least the next 18 years.

So, you know the drill… If you use these techniques to tolerate her long enough to have sex with her, don’t fumble on the 2-yard line! Wrap it up! No Glove, No Love!… NAH MEEN? :D

5) Learn to talk to yourself

A lot of your problem with people isn’t actually how stupid they are, but rather that you hold all your disdain in and you don’t have an outlet to share how retarded you think people are with someone who COMPLETELY understands what you’re telling them and feels the exact same way about it. This is why you need to become your own traveling commiseration companion:

You: Oh. My. *GOD*, that was the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard!
You: I know… she’s an idiot.
You: TELL me about it! DAMN!!!
You: Amazing, isn’t it?
You: omg! grr
You: Ah, well, what did you expect?
You: Yeah… You’re right. Forget it.

See how you calmed yourself down? Learn to do this when you feel yourself losing it, and you’ll be able to keep yourself in the game long enough to get to the good part! :D

~Bill

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]]> http://billcammack.com/2008/11/13/dating-for-misanthropes/feed/ 13 How To Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend http://billcammack.com/2008/11/02/how-to-get-over-your-ex-girlfriend/ http://billcammack.com/2008/11/02/how-to-get-over-your-ex-girlfriend/#comments Sun, 02 Nov 2008 13:24:53 +0000 Bill Cammack muffin tops pee wee herman maternity dresses besides women extremely emotionally volatile catty mediocre feeling exponentially worse eeeh an upgrade depending figure buying boats and cars working the overnight shift the alimony and child support non americans banging muffin tops pee wee herman maternity dresses besides women extremely emotionally volatile catty mediocre feeling exponentially worse eeeh an upgrade depending figure buying boats and cars working the overnight shift the alimony and child support non americans banging muffin tops pee wee herman maternity dresses besides women extremely emotionally volatile catty mediocre feeling exponentially worse eeeh an upgrade depending 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When a woman leaves you, you may feel heartbroken, depressed, wistful, horny, betrayed, disappointed… :( any number of feelings, consecutively or simultaneously. Here are five tips on how to move on with your life, and learn to love again………

1) Have sex with her sister

hahahahaha Just Kidding! :D

… unless her sister’s HAWT!

This won’t help you feel better about yourself if her sister’s like “eeeh, ok”, because she’s not an upgrade. Depending on how mediocre she is, you may end up feeling EXPONENTIALLY WORSE! :(

Also, this does NOT… repeat… DOES *NOT* work with her best-girlfriend! Do Not Make This Mistake. A lot of women are extremely emotionally volatile & catty. Their friendships with other women turn on a dime… like happened in her relationship to YOU! :D This means that there’s the potential that in the very near future, your ex-girlfriend won’t care AT ALL about you banging her friend, so you basically wasted your time. (Note for non-Americans… “Banging” is a slang term for “having sex”, most likely derived from the sound the woman’s head makes against the headboard)

2) Have sex with her mother

ok, *NOW* I’m kidding! :D

… unless her mother’s RICH!…….. and HAWT!

3) Get a hobby

Take that extra energy that you have, now that you’re not tappin’ that three times a day, and start working out. You want to meet women in the gym anyway, because they’re WYSIWYG. They don’t get to hide their muffin-tops under those Pee-wee Herman maternity dresses.

Besides… You were probably getting flabby anyway, since you knew you were going to get laid, regardless, so working out is a double-win for you.

4) Make tons of money

The best revenge is living well. Now that she’s not with you, buy that yacht and sail past her house every Saturday with your new girlfriends that you picked up at the gym! :D Rev your new Ferrari’s engine outside that diner where she’s working the overnight shift to make ends meet after her regular job on the assembly line at the sock factory.

oh… wait….. Make sure you didn’t have any kids with her before y’all broke up! If you did, skip this tip, because the more money you make, the more you have to give her in alimony and child support, so you’d actually be better off trying to figure out how to get her back instead of buying boats and cars. :D

5) Drink alcohol

Helps you forget your ex ever existed and makes her sister look better, in case you decide to try #1. :D

~Bill

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