Three Fingers in a Dyke

The legend of the brave Dutch boy – by others thought to be named Hans Brinker – who supposedly put his finger in the dyke to prevent a flood, was actually a literary invention by the American writer Mary Elizabeth Mapes Dodge (1831-1905), who was born in New York.”

I’ve been thinking about this story lately, because it’s all well and good if you can save the town by placing one finger in a dyke. Depending on which finger you use, you can still do a lot of stuff while you wait for help to arrive. You can play guitar. You can text someone on your g1. You can hold a knife and fork and eat dinner if someone brings you the food…..

Bill & Sandra

However, things become more of a problem FOR YOU if you have to put TWO fingers in the dyke to stop the flood. It gets obviously worse if you have to put THREE fingers in the dyke, because now, you effectively only have one hand left to do what YOU have to do until help arrives to properly plug the holes and you can go about your business.
 
This is what happens to you when people JACK THEMSELVES UP and then ask YOU to get them out of it. People just LOVE to paint themselves into corners that they can’t possibly get out of on their own and then beg someone else to solve their incredible problem for them. On top of that, they still want to haggle with you as if YOU’RE the one with the problem and not THEM. They explain the issue to you, you inform them of what you CAN do and how long it’s going to take you and then they want to know how cheaply you can do it for them.
 
How about if it costs you ZERO and you DO. IT. YOURSELF? How about that? Meanwhile, I’ll have a brew, eat some pizza and kick it with some chicks and enjoy my time while you’re busy FAILING. Oh… That doesn’t sound good to you? That means we’re talking about regular rates PLUS “rush” rates. It’s a fascinating combination of amusing & annoying when people are in dire straits (the predicament, not the band) and they want to haggle over the price of a seat in the lifeboat while the Titanic’s sinking. My ship isn’t sinking. Yours is. Hope you can swim! *waves goodbye* Continue reading “Three Fingers in a Dyke”

Why Your Boyfriend Dumped You

So I’m reading this BlogHer post and the author is amazed that her boyfriend dumped her for not sexing him often enough (in this case, 3 times a week) and I’m like ????? What did you expect?

You know? I mean, really. :/ I find it amazing that we’re moving into the year 2009 and grown-ass-women who have access to books, televisions, IRL friends and computers are SURPRISED when they get dumped because they’re sexually incompatible with their significant other.

That’s why you were hired. Just about the ONLY items in your job description are:

  a) look good
  b) don’t act like a jerk
  c) be sexy

If you can’t do that, you deserve to be fired, and there shouldn’t be any question in your mind why you were ejected. I mean, it’s dumb… It’s like taking a job as a teacher and then complaining that kids keep showing up and asking you questions. :/ What did you EXPECT to do as somebody’s GIRLFRIEND? Continue reading “Why Your Boyfriend Dumped You”