Women are better liars than men. This is because, in general, women can immerse themselves in fantasies way better than men can.

If women want to start to feel turned on, what do they do?… That’s right… READ A BOOK!!! :O .. Some words.. In a little paperback novel with one picture of Fabio on the cover holding some chick that they project to be them. Suddenly!!!… A Puerto Rican gal sitting on her fire escape in Harlem, NYC is ACTUALLY a southern belle, dressed like the woman on the cover, riding in a Horse & Buggy with her Fabioesque lover whom she imagines is only having sex with her until 100 pages later where she reads that TMZ reported that her man has been ******* every maid and nanny that they’ve ever hired since their relationship began.

Meanwhile.. Does that work for guys?… HEEEEEEEEEELLZ NAW!!! :D It’s the exact opposite. We need VISUAL STIMULATION and AS FEW WORDS FROM THE CHICK AS POSSIBLE!!! :D And it had better be the RIGHT stimulation, too! :D Too skinny? Won’t work. Too fat? Won’t work. Not sexy enough? Won’t work. Not “slutty” enough? Won’t work. Too into it? Won’t work. Not into it enough? Won’t work. Not dressed properly? Won’t work. Not doing the right actions? Won’t work. Doing the right action in the wrong way? Won’t work…..

Guys have to have EXACTLY what turns them on in order to feel turned on. Meanwhile gals only need the mental suggestion of a situation and they fill in all the blanks themselves. THIS is what makes women better liars than men.. blank-filling.

Guys can only grasp the part of the lie that they can comprehend, so their lies are like the icing on a cupcake instead of the entire cupcake. Guys say stuff like “I was playing poker with the fellaz” and think that’s a complete lie. They think that’s it, because when they visualize the lie, they see themselves with cards in their hands, money, chips, a drink on the table, some cigar smoke in the air…….. and that’s about it. They don’t know what the table looks like. They don’t know whose basement they’re playing in. They don’t know who else was involved in the game. They don’t know what area the house was in. They don’t know if they ordered pizza. They don’t know what alcohol they were drinking or what brand. They don’t know what time they got there. They don’t know what time they left. They don’t know what was on the television or the radio. This is because they were ******* some girl and really don’t think their main girlfriend’s smart enough to catch them in ANY lie, EVAR! :D

Meanwhile, women HAVE all this information because they’re immersed in their lies. They actually believe them. When the novel says “Fabio took her hand…”, she SEES Fabio. She SEES his hand. She SEES her hand. She sees the carriage and the horses and the driver and the leaves and what color they are and how many of them are on the ground and how many of them are in the trees and the walkway and the house and the color of Fabio’s eyes and the type of dress she was wearing and whether it was hand-made or not and how much money was in Fabio’s pocket or whether the butler was holding the ducats so the lines of Fabio’s suit wouldn’t be ruined and the color of her skin as she blushed at the gentlemanly treatment she was receiving from her man……. :/

THIS is why you can’t beat women at lying. This is ALSO why women catch YOU in lies! :D When you say you were playing poker, she receives an incomplete picture of the scene and a whole bunch of questions naturally occur to her that you don’t have the answers to, such as which shirt you wore to the hangout. um… WHAT? :O Now you’re all defensive because the only thing you remember from last night is what that chick looked like from behind. Now that you know you’re about to get caught, you get nervous and jumpy and overreact to simple questions that should be as easy to answer as “Was the light red or green when you crossed the street two minutes ago?”.. and down the rabbit hole you go. SEEYA!!! :D

Interestingly enough, immersion is also the reason that women are way more SUSCEPTIBLE to lies than men are. If you have the proper relationship to her (read: She’s “in love” with you), you can tell her anything you want, such as “No, honey. I’m not having sex with up to 10 other women, most of whom are waitresses or some other minimum-wage-type job” and she’ll turn around and tell all her girlfriends that her man is faithful to her regardless of what the truth is.

You can tell her anything you want.. “Check it out, SUNNN…. I was in Central Park earlier, and the grass was RED!!! :O”.. 20 minutes later, she’s on the phone or texting with her girlfriend talking about how the grass was red in Central Park this afternoon as if she saw it with her own eyes. It’s just too easy. :)

Now, it might SEEM that MEN are more susceptible to being lied to than women are. That’s technically true, but not actually. It’s not that the men actually fell for the lies.. It’s that we weren’t listening and don’t care what you said. When the game is on and you decide that that’s the time to tell us your lie about what you did last night, we don’t want to think about such irrelevant drivel and we’ll “yes” you off so you can stop interrupting us. We like to devote as little mental energy and time as possible to conversations that YOU start.

This works out to the female liar’s advantage because when y’all say “I was at the mall all afternoon”, we don’t want to hear ONE. MORE. DETAIL about the mall. We don’t care which mall you went to or which homegirls you hung out with or what shops you went to or what you bought or where the receipts are or your parking validation. Nothing. Nobody cares. :D Meanwhile, you were all up under some dude all afternoon and you’re like “heh, heh, heh.. Got away with it AGAIN! >:D”.

It’s probably all for the best anyway because your woman’s better prepared to ANSWER your questions than you are to ASK her questions that might trip her up. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. Everyone gets to feel good about themselves and the relationship continues.

Will this ever change? I doubt it. :) Guys are relatively dense. When their girlfriend asks them “How come you didn’t text me (or have any OTHER contact with me) for four days in a row?”, their response is “I was sick”. haha It really doesn’t occur to them that sickness wouldn’t have prevented them from pressing their thumbs against plastic to text her or AT LEAST hitting the ONE DIGIT that would activate the AUTO-DIAL that she knows he has her on in his phone. I guess he didn’t eat or drink liquids for four days as well? Even “I lost my phone and it was just returned to me in the mail” doesn’t work anymore because people have so many ways to contact each other via Social Media. Meanwhile, the obvious answer is that he was ******* the next chick for four days and forgot that you exist, or at least didn’t CARE that you exist until the better chick became unavailable.

So.. Think about the best liars you know… Are they women or men and what makes them better? O_o

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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A friend told me a few weeks ago that she felt my blog posts were cynical. I wasn’t sure I agreed with her, so I looked up the actual definition, and I think she was exactly spot-on with her assessment.

I had taken cynical to mean “negative”, when, in fact, it actually means “aware of the possibilities and potential in a situation”. I’m definitely aware of these and I definitely apply my past experiences and the experiences that have been relayed to me by people whose word and judgement I trust to every situation I become involved in or aware of.

Cynical

1: captious, peevish
2: having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a: contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives b: based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest.

I think the opposite of this would be to retardedly ignore what you learned from past experiences and go forward into your next relationship as if none of your prior experiences ever happened to you. Perhaps they were all flukes, and this time’s going to be that fairytale relationship that you were brainwashed to believe you were ever going to be a part of.

That’s all well and good, and I’m sure people that do this feel FANTASTIC until reality falls on them like the proverbial ton of bricks out of nowhere and then they say stuff like “How could he have cheated on me?” when she wasn’t giving it up on a regular basis. “How could she dump me?” when he was taking her for granted and treating her more like a maid than a girlfriend. So.. Yes.. The application of cynicism to dating is useful and intelligent, though sobering and potentially depressing.

A LOT OF PEOPLE would insist that cynicism has no place in dating, because how can you date someone you don’t trust? Um…. Because she’s FOYINE??? :D

Anyway… Here’s how it goes down for the cynic…

They’re Lying

Being that you naturally distrust people, there’s no reason to suspend this when you enter the dating scene. The foolish and oft-utilized technique is to suddenly apply trustworthiness to a person that declares to you “We’re going out now” or “We’re together now”. In fact, that person is no more trustworthy AFTER telling you that than they were BEFORE telling you that. This is especially true because you know they have ulterior motives in wanting to date you in the first place… you just haven’t figured out what those motives ARE yet.

If you don’t trust someone, you can’t take their word for…. well…… ANYTHING! :D This is going to seem weird at first, as you struggle to believe your so-called “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” merely because of principle. Get over it. What feels strange to you about taking their word for stuff is that you just plain don’t believe them anyway and you’re trying to convince YOURSELF that you do. Just stop it.

If they told you the truth, it wasn’t the WHOLE truth

It’s not like people think it’s fun to lie to other people.. They just feel like it’s advantageous for them in the short-term. I think it’s actually more accurate for me to say not that your SO is LYING to you so much as they’re IGNORING THE TRUTH in order to tell you whatever you need to hear to do what they want you to do. This is why the practicing cynic accepts what they say as an indicator of something that might be *NEAR* the truth, and then play the percentages.

For example.. Your SO tells you that he’s playing poker every Tuesday night. This is true. It’s also true that he plays poker alone with his other girlfriend every Tuesday night. This is the part he left out. So, when your nosey, can’t-mind-her-own-business girlfriend tells you she saw your man kiss some chick goodnight at such and such an address last Tuesday, the cynic isn’t limited by the thought “That’s impossible… He plays poker on Tuesdays”. The cynic’s mind remains open to the possibilities and potential of a situation.

Same thing happens when you ask your girl how many guys she messed with before you. It doesn’t matter and it’s none of your business, so you’re most likely to receive a direct lie or a doctored (falsified) number. She’s going to tell you whatever she wants you to hear so that she doesn’t seem like a liar for too few and she doesn’t seem like a “slut” for too many. This is called, sadly enough.. “Applying Social Lubricant”, because she’s making it easier for you to continue to date her by strategically lying to you or at least only telling you the part of the truth that makes her look good and furthers her current agenda.

Oh.. I get it now.

Cynics are extremely good at recognizing patterns and deviations from those patterns. This is because the cynic is ALWAYS looking for the REAL thing that’s going on, as opposed to what this untrustworthy-yet-insanely-attractive person they’re dating is trying to sell them. This is actually to the other person’s benefit in situations such as sex, where the cynic isn’t likely to believe you enjoyed it, even though you SAID you did… so they do it to you all over again, just to make sure! ;)

Lots of people overdo it with the cynicism though. They think they know more than they actually do and end up making up elaborate, unlikely scenarios in their minds. They get used to you coming home from work @ 5:45 every day, and then when you arrive at 6pm, they figure that you spent that MYSTERIOUS 15 MINUTES cheating on them. :/ Struggle against this pathetic scenario. Try to focus on *useful* patterns like how he only smokes after sex and when you first arrived at the party tonight… he was smoking.

Cynics on Cynics?

Should cynics date cynics? Absolutely! :D There’s a certain camaraderie to be found between two social mercenaries that don’t trust anybody, including each other or themselves. “What’d you do last night?” “Nothing. How about you?” “I was just chillin.” “Yeah, Right.” “Yeah, Right.” “See you next week!” “Have a good one! Don’t do anything *I* wouldn’t do!” “Whatever!”

It’s a lot of fun, because you get to guess what they actually did and you know they’re lying to you, at least by omission, and you’re doing the same thing to them, except it’s by agreement. It’s like two warring countries sitting down at a table to talk about peace, which is never going to happen, but you still admire each other’s abilities on the battlefield and you can relate to each other as people on opposite sides of the game, but that do the same things and utilize the same tactics.

Strangely enough, the cynic can derive a form of trust in his or her fellow cynic that can’t be found in an average person. The only thing you can trust about people is that they’re going to do what they want to do when they want to do it. Through consistent interaction with people who bend the rules in their favor, the cynic begins to understand the pattern of the boundaries of what you can expect from someone. This person would never cheat in a game of chess, because that defeats the purpose of attempting to defeat his opponent mentally and strategically… however, if you leave your girl laying around, it’s a wrap. Therefore, you never trust the other cynic COMPLETELY, but you learn what you CAN trust about them.

This is way better than dealing with most people, who don’t really understand who they are because they play the game by the rules and do what other people tell them to do instead of figuring out what they REALLY want to do with their lives. Middle-of-the-road people should be trusted THE LEAST, because when put in extreme situations, they don’t know how to handle them and end up doing things that even THEY consider “out of character”, when their character was never tested and assessed in the first place.

Cynics know who they are and they’re fighting to win for themselves and get what they can get out of you. There’s something honorable in their up-frontness about that, regardless of how devious they actually are.

Do Opposites Attract?

Should non-cynics date cynics? Nope. :) It’s gonna be a tough row to hoe, unless you’re an impeccably above-board person. Even when you DIDN’T do anything wrong, the cynic’s going to be looking for it. Even when you’re telling the truth, the cynic is only going to absorb a small percentage of it as “truth” and most of it as “possibility”.

The cynic will never hand over any form of control in the relationship to you, because they obviously know better than you do about things, because you’re not a cynic and therefore not as discerning and calculating as they are. The cynic will let you BELIEVE you have power, so long as your decisions remain within the boundaries of what they would have suggested anyway.

Just about the only good thing for you about dating a cynic is that once they’ve judged you and judged you and judged you and judged you and judged you and they determine that you’re A-OK, the cynic will really be there for you. So many people have been tested and failed MISERABLY, that once you pass, you will receive the perks reserved for the people who made the grade.

The only question becomes whether you’ll want to stick around that long to see if you qualify or whether you will have bounced a long time ago to date someone that’s willing to accept you as-is, at face value, and assume that you’re innocent until proven guilty, instead of the other way around.

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
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I’ve always loved the song “Games Without Frontiers” by Peter Gabriel. For me, the song has an incredible mix of depression and hope. There’s power and powerlessness in the face of “the game” at the same time. I never get a feeling that one person is going to “win out” over the next person. I never get the feeling that the situation will ever stabilize. To me, it’s a representation of ‘the game’ and how each person comes to the table with their own set of abilities and shortcomings and the chips fall where they may…….

*In researching, I find that there were some offensive/controversial lyrics that were changed to make the song radio-friendly.*

Mercs

I woke up this morning thinking about this song, because for me, it exemplifies the mercenary nature of dating in New York City.

We’re all ‘Mercs’. We have to be, because people throw pretty heavy ‘game’ at us, and if you’re not a shark yourself, you’ll get eaten by the sharks. It’s just plainly not as simple as people lay it out in these fairy tale relationship stories where some guy in the sticks marries his high school sweetheart or the girl he met when he went to the General Store to buy cereal and gasoline at the same location.

The ‘problem’ is that we all want something, and we’re willing to play hardball to get it. It’s honestly like a war-time scenario. I’m not proud of that or happy about it, but that’s how it is. You just have to know that when you step to a chick and introduce yourself, you’re about to get whatever she wants to give you that will further her own agenda. It’s not “the truth”. It’s not “who she really is”. It’s what she’s willing to present to you in order to get you to do what she wants you to do.

Women have to be that way, because men are that way towards them. Obviously, guys are going to say or do whatever they need to in order to get laid, which is the bottom line. All this jockeying for position is a constant quest for CONTROL of the other person, usually for two different reasons…

Control

Control is a fallacy… a fantasy… it doesn’t exist. The only person you control is yourself…… maybe.

Nevertheless, many people in relationships are fighting their “significant other” for control. Not physically fighting them, like Chris Brown & Rihanna, but mentally & emotionally waging war against each other with the hopes of breaking the other person’s will and subjugating them (Putting them in “Deep Check”).

In general, the goals of control are pretty common and redundant. The male wants to lock down sexual access to the female. The female wants to lock down “fidelity” or faithfulness from the male. This would seem to be the same thing, but it isn’t. The guy wants to make sure he can get on whenever he feels like it, therefore, he needs to block other guys from physical access to “his girl”. Women (again, in general) are more concerned with where the guy’s emotions are focused… Does he “love” her? Is she the most important woman in his life? (or, hopefully, the ONLY woman in his life) What are his future plans for the relationship? blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…..

Tactics

Now that you know what you want, it’s time to utilize tactics to get it. The woman’s goal is to make the guy feel she can live without him and force him to step up his game. The man’s goal is to make the gal believe he’s all about her, regardless of what he’s actually doing. What you end up with is lies. Regular lies and lies of omission. These are necessary, because otherwise, you arrive on the battlefield without your armor and lose immediately.

Unfortunately, what you DON’T have in this oft-repeated scenario is genuine and authentic interaction between people that are SUPPOSED to be in a friendly relationship. After a while, you get used to this and no longer expect people to be authentic with you. It’s no longer a requirement. You assume people are lying off the bat and learn to read between the lies.

This is fine for guys, because for the most part, we don’t care what women are saying anyway. Yak Yak Yak, it’s all the same as long as you’re looking good and we feel turned on by your presence.

Women have a much greater problem here, which is that they actually base their relationship status on what guys say to them. For guys, it’s basically “Who cares what she said, so long as at the end of the day, she gives it up?”. Meanwhile, all a guy has to say to a gal is “it’s over”, and she’ll honestly believe that her relationship to him is finished, just because he said so.

Effects

The effect is that we accept people on the surface, but never get deeply inside them. There’s no reason to expect people to be authentic with you upon first meeting you, so you listen to what they have to say, but don’t necessarily accept it as truth. Since we figure we’re all lying to each other, it’s an unspoken agreement that everyone’s going to check their weapons at the door. We can chat each other up and be friendly for the time being, but we all know that if we fall out of favor with each other, it’s “Get your gats and shoot it out at twenty paces”. If the chick is found to be messing with another dude… war. If the guy is found even TRYING to kick it with another chick… war.

Embargoes, no sex, no calls, no text messages, delayed returning of calls, avoidance of spending physical time together, putting each other’s business in the streets, commiseration with homies, arguments, vindictive looks, creation of jealousy… This is what you have to look forward to if you fall out of favor with someone that you’re supposedly in a “loving” relationship with.

Reactions

There are a few typical reactions to the NYC game. Some people quit the scene entirely, since they don’t want to be involved with mind-games. Some people elect to remain naive and go out like a sucker over and over in their dating careers. Other people become jaded and get down with the program, adding to the pool of sharks. The best defense is a good offense, and they’re ready, willing and able to fight fire with fire.

Ultimately, if you’re in demand in NYC, there’s no escaping ‘the game’. If people perceive you has having something they want, they’re going to come after you… There’s a domino effect here of people passing experiences and personal baggage on to other people. Of course, the media adds fuel to the fire by seeking out the worst relationship scenarios possible and putting them on the news every night. “Reality” shows (which are EXTREMELY edited and produced, thus not actually ‘reality’) do the same thing as they strive to show us the most entertaining (read: assholish) aspects of human beings’ personalities. Add that to the sheer number of people on the scene in this town, and you end up with a cycle of people who don’t actually trust each other, but are perfectly willing to call each other boyfriend & girlfriend in order to advance their own agendas.

Solutions

Strangely enough, the solution is to “Do you”. Whatever’s natural to you, that’s what you should focus on. Receive the education from the NYC game and utilize it to get tough without becoming jaded. Don’t get upset about what happens, just internalize it and learn from it and make sure you don’t go out the same way next time.

You also have the option of hopping on the Metro North Railroad and traveling out to the sticks to meet people who are still living the simple life and aren’t caught up in mercenary dating behavior.

Maybe you could start a meetup group where people practice honestly telling other people how they feel about them.

It would seem like the obvious solution is to only become involved with trustworthy people. Unfortunately, most people’s ability to judge character is WAY less refined than the snake oil salesperson’s ability to pull the wool over your eyes. It’s your own arrogance in believing that you have a proper grasp on what the other person’s capable of that blinds you and makes you even MORE susceptible to their manipulations.

This is what’s simultaneously depressing and hopeful about both the song and the dating scene. There’s a collection of powerful people involved, and it’s a game, which is fun… but it’s also a competition. Everyone’s playing, but they’re not all on the same side. One change at one end of the playing field can cause a chain reaction that someone feels far away on the other end of the field. While there’s the likelihood that several people will win, and win big… that’s probably going to mean that several people have to lose big as a consequence. The NYC dating scene is not for the faint of heart. It’s a gamble… It’s a knockout…

if looks could kill, they probably will
in Games Without Frontiers
war without tears

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
Facebook Fan Page: Bill Cammack
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
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This is not a continuation of “Online Dating Tactics”. This is a response to a BlogHer post by Zandria M, entitled “Dating: ‘Tis the Season”.

Zandria: I’ve heard that more breakups occur during the holiday season than any other time of year. [...snip...] The thing is, though, I haven’t seen a drop in the amount of people looking for dates online. In fact, I’m receiving more expressions of interest than I did when I first signed up over the summer.

hehehe Excellent read, Zandria. :) Let me tell you what’s going on.

You explained why you’re getting more expressions of interest now than you did over the summer. Guys are dumping their girls for the holiday season OR they’ve already DECIDED that they’re dumping their girls, so they’re trolling for more women ahead of time. It’s like being a freelancer in a work situation. As a video editor, I get MORE work when people get fired or companies downsize. You’re experiencing the same thing with online dating.

The reasons you gave were spot-on. Basically, the holiday season is an expensive time to have a girlfriend, so guys tend to break up permanently or at least until the season’s over and take their girls back in January.

Another reason is that there are a lot of holiday parties right now, with a lot of DRUNK WOMEN at them. That’s where you want to be, instead of stuck at some party with a chick you already know… or even WORSE, over @ her relatives’ crib! :( This is PRIME TIME for meeting women and starting new relationships. Also, if you start a new relationship NOW, it’s too early for her to expect an expensive gift from you. :)

Zandria: The thing is, though, the more dating you do, the more instances of “Did he really do/say that?” tend to emerge.

You need to catalogue those increasing instances of “Did he really do/say that?” that you’re experiencing, because those are brief glimpses into what a lot of guys are actually thinking. It’s really the little things that give people away.

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.

For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

As far as the “six feet tall” thing, hahaha Online dating sites are set up in categories. This is how women and men get to choose whom they see in their search results. If a guy honestly states that he’s 5’9″ and a lot of women check the box that says 6′ or over, he doesn’t show up in the search results and he doesn’t get that date. Or, in some cases, where the site does the matchup FOR you, he doesn’t make the “compatible” list, so, again… HE doesn’t get that date. Since the whole point of him being on the service is to meet women that he wants to date or have sex with or whatever, he wants to meet as many as possible, so he LIES and says he’s 6′ tall. It’s not that he doesn’t REALIZE that he’s not that tall hahahahaha. It’s not that he has delusions about his height. He’s merely tricking you into going out on a date with him, when he’s actually below your selected height requirement.

It’s all in the game. :)

Oh… and apply the same logic to his salary.

Zandria: Another thing: some guys need to be more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships before you take the time to meet them in person. I had this one guy wait until our first meeting before he asked me, “Did I tell you that I’m about to be deployed to Iraq for seven months?”

As far as guys being “more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships”, nobody’s thinking about “possible future relationships” until they meet you in person. The way it works is, guys get what they can get… NOW… and if it continues, fine. So, if dude’s about to leave town, he’s looking for something to do UNTIL he leaves town. Similar to the “not 6-feet-tall” guy, he’s not going to ruin his chance to try to get some or have a temporary girlfriend by letting you know he’s not physically available for a LTR.

Once he meets you, it’s a different story. He might feel like “this one’s a keeper” and THEN come clean about his current status and future plans. I guess I should have put ‘clean’ in quotes, because STDs are another thing guys (AND gals) don’t tend to mention on online dating sites.

Zandria: Then there are the things that just make me go “Hmm…” Like the guy who came across as really formal and straight-laced, but when I called him out on it (yes, I will call you out if it’s warranted) he assured me, “I do have a dark and twisted side.”

As far as dudes announcing that they “have a dark and twisted side”, that normally means that they don’t, but they’d be willing to make one up so as to not get rejected for being boring. Also, “dark and twisted” is relative to his own experience. I know women who think doggie-style is dark and twisted, hahahaha :D The point is that guys are going to SAY whatever they have to say in order to stay on track to hooking up with you. If they’re wackos, they’re going to say they’re not. If they’re boring, they’re going to say they’re not.

If you want to know if a guy’s “twisted” for real, look in his eyes and then ask him what he wants to do to you.

So, yeah, that’s “how we do”. Lie as much as you need to in online dating so you get a chance to run your IRL game on her. Best-case scenario, the 5’9″ broke-as-a-joke, unemotionally available, boring dude gains the physical company of a female he finds attractive for one or more evenings. Worst-case scenario, she walks out the door as soon as she sees you, because you’re not what she wanted… except that’s the same outcome as if you hadn’t lied on your application in the first place and she never chose you, so who cares?

It’s all in the game. :D

~Bill

DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
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I’m not impressed with Serial Monogamy.

Call it what it is. You’re messing with someone, and then you’re not.

It’s interesting how some people pride themselves on only hooking up with people they’re in a relationship with… but then… getting into or out of a relationship with them is basically instantaneous. Sure… EVERY relationship ends instantaneously…. It’s ON and then it’s OFF. I’m just saying that it’s a trip how serial monogamists front like every time they’re in a relationship, it’s going to last forever, and then it doesn’t, and then the next one’s supposed to last forever. Meanwhile, they have their psychological excuse for hoing (male or female).

I was first introduced to this concept when I was around 13. Not the technical definition, of course, but the behavior as it pertains to dating. I remember asking a friend of mine about some girl, and he basically informed me that they had broken up, and now he was dating this other chick we knew. That lasted about a week, and then he was dating another chick, but meanwhile other friends of ours had switched off as well. The effect of this was that at some point, ‘everyone’ dated ‘everyone’. What was interesting about this was that there weren’t any politics involved. Politics arrived later, around 16, when people started worrying about status and popularity.

By “no politics”, I mean that there wasn’t any drama involved with a guy, friend or foe, going out with a girl you just broke up with the other day. There wasn’t any drama when she’d break up with that guy and go BACK out with some guy she dated before, or start messing with some new guy. There wasn’t any possessiveness over chicks at all. It was just you were dating someone, or you weren’t.

Once politics became involved, there was a form of status attributed to exclusive ownership of a particular person. There was also a stigma attached to people that messed around, but weren’t in relationships. As usual, because we live in a patriarchal society, the females caught the worst of this, being called hoes, tramps, sluts, easy, etc. For the guys, it’s all sport. How many chicks (if you’re interested in more than one at a time) can you keep in ‘Deep Check’ simultaneously? How many numbers can you pull? How many chicks can you screw?

The addition of politics/drama to the dating scene created the environment in which serial monogamy thrives. From the chicks’ side, they don’t want the stigma of being “loose”… by either definition, hahaha, um, anyway… so they make being in a relationship a requirement for hooking up. This way, no matter how many guys they mess with, they were always in a relationship, so it’s sanctioned, and they can’t be criticized for giving some to their boyfriends (even if she was only with each guy for a month or less… week or less?… day or less?).

Meanwhile, the guys evolved with the girls. Eventually, it became clear that this relationship thing was getting in the way of getting on, so guys learned that it was easier to lie and feign being in a relationship with a chick or three in order to keep them useful. This is one reason why relationships break up suddenly, and it seems like the guy had a ‘change of heart’. He goes from faking being in a relationship with her to not caring about her at all, instantaneously. If his incentive was sex, then as soon as he’s not interested in having sex with her anymore, or he’d much rather hook up with one of his other girlfriends, his entire demeanor towards her changes.

The worst-case scenario of this is the combination of a guy that wants a one night stand with a girl that only wants to give it up to “the right guy” or “the one”. The woman thinks she’s an excellent judge of character, so as he jumps through the hoops, she validates him. Once she decides he’s legit and “the one”, she finally gives it up… then he disappears… or, at least stops taking her calls. This doesn’t even get to the stage of serial monogamy, because his entire goal was to hit it one time… Once. There’s no way she could have known that, because there’s no way he would have TOLD her that.

For some odd reason, women think they can judge this in guys. It’s completely unfounded. How many times have you heard a woman say that she was surprised that some dude hit it and quit it? :D Compare that to the number of times that you’ve heard of a woman telling a guy she knew he was just trying to have sex with her and he admitted it.

So now, we live in this evolved culture. People still want to do what they want to do, but they don’t want to be talked about like dogs, so they find ways around their behaviors. They utilize serial monogamy to act like they’re just poor judges of character and that their relationships continually FAIL, to their great surprise and dismay. Meanwhile, to them, “significant other” simply means “the person that they publicly admit to having sex with at this point in time”. There’s nothing wrong with that, but since THEY see something wrong with it, they use these mechanisms to put up a front.

Another unbalanced aspect of serial monogamy is that women eventually face biological clock issues. The timing of this is critical, because if she’s currently dating a serial monogamist and decides she wants to have kids, there could be positive or negative consequences as a result of flipping the script. It’s entirely possible that the guy had no intentions EVER of having kids with her or moving in with her or even having sex with her once she got out of shape. Suddenly, he has the choice of honestly breaking off the relationship, as Laure suggests, or lying and acting like he’s interested in what she’s interested in so he can keep tappin’ that.

In a perfect world, he would ‘release her from her contract’ so she can go ‘get her biology on!’ :D … Then again… In a perfect world, people would Stop Frontin’ and do what they wanted to do without hiding behind meaningless titles in the first place.

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