Brooklyn

I exited the subway in Brooklyn. It was a sunny day. Lots of people were in the street, going from shop to shop.

I walked across the street into this store where people were lined up to buy food. They looked happy and excited to receive whatever was being sold. I walk over to the line in time to see one of the customers happily receive their product and walk towards the seating area.

Somehow, I was aware that the store sold hot dogs. I decided that that was what I was going to try. I held up the correct amount of fingers and told the vendor “Two hot dogs”. He said “Two hot dogs?”, I said “Yes.. Thanks”.

I went to sit down at a small, square two-person table to wait for my hot dogs. It was a small NYC-pizza-shop-type place with that kind of service to your seat.

The vendor indicates that my food is ready and hands me a white, styrofoam cup. It appears to have custard in it. There’s a spoon with it. I’m preparing to politely inform the proud vendor that he gave me someone else’s order when I realize that THIS is the product of the store… They make hot dog ice cream. :/

WTF???

Hot Dog Ice Cream

So now, I flash back to when I had been standing on the line and ordered the hot dogs and I *SAW* the vendor drop them into the water. For those of you that aren’t from here, we have street vendors that have silver carts and sell you hot dogs that they retrieve from hot water inside their carts. Sanitary, No. Delicious, Yes! :D .. Anyway.. Now, I’m thinking “Why the hell did he cook them if he was going to make them into ice cream, but I suppose that it makes sense since you can’t eat uncooked hot dogs anyway and you don’t want to cook them until someone wants the ice cream.”

Everyone else seemed to be happy, so I tried it. Surprisingly, it was good. Not DELICIOUS, but just good. Good enough to recommend as a novelty but not necessarily endorse.. like that chick that wasn’t the best-looking girl you ever hooked up with but you had a damned good time with her that you would tell your absolute best friends about but hide from everyone else…

Getting up from my table, I met a waitress there.

It wasn’t a full-scale restaurant, so she wasn’t really a waitress, but more like a lackey or henchman that has to do stuff the owner doesn’t want to do.

She looked exactly like that girl, Crystal from True Blood.

I could tell she was feelin’ The Kid and I was definitely feelin’ her, so I invited her to go hang out. She said she couldn’t get off work. I left the invitation open.

Nightlife

Later that evening, I’m across the street from some bar where a fight breaks out. Guys are running up and down the street attacking each other and yelling. It’s interesting, but not really. Drunk Dudes being Drunk Dudes. \o/

I catch up with three dudes I know and we decide to go to a bar. I’m the last guy to walk in. The bouncer is checking IDs on the way in. I reach for my wallet and I can’t find it.

I realize that I can’t find my wallet because it’s in my jacket and somehow, somewhere, I lost my jacket. I’m like “****! ****! ****! ****!” and try to think back to where I might have put down my jacket. The only place I could think of was the hot dog ice cream store, so I go back there and there’s a pile of coats on a counter.

I start looking/feeling through the coats and I see “Crystal” leaving work. She has on a furry Russian hat and some kind of heavy, long coat. I ask her about my jacket and she indicates the stack that I’m already looking in as where it would be if it’s here at all.

I reach into the stack and feel the same texture as my jacket. I pull it out and it seems to be my black leather jacket, but there’s this small square patch either sewn or glued to the middle of it that’s obviously been there for a long time, so this isn’t my jacket.

I keep searching…

You Betta Recognize!

I get up and walk towards the bathroom. I guess having to go to the bathroom reminded me of WHY I needed to go to the bathroom, which makes me think of food.

I’m thinking “It was probably that hot dog ice cream……. Hot Dog Ice Cream? O_o…. What THE **** is HOT DOG ICE CREAM? :/ .. Hot Dog Ice Cream doesn’t ******* EXIST, STUPID! :/”

This is where I realize that it had been a dream. My wallet is in my posession. I haven’t worn my jacket in months because it’s summer. I didn’t meet Crystal. I wasn’t even in Brooklyn.

If you would have asked me about “Hot Dog Ice Cream” in between when I woke up and when I realized what had happened, I would have sworn up and down that a) It existed, b) I had tried it, and c) It was decent, but not fantastic.

I would have told you you they sold it in a store in Brooklyn and that there’s a HAWT waitress there that you need to check out.

When you finally wake up, you have two options.. Go Back To Believing The Dream or Recognize Reality. If the dream is better than reality, which one would you choose? O_o

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Single Life

Just two days ago, I was out to brunch with a friend and somehow, the topic of video games came up. I think I was explaining to her what I felt the value was of being yourself from the giddyap instead of doing what other people wanted you to do so they’d be willing to hang out with you.

I told her something to the effect of a chick would be a fool to give me an ultimatum to choose between spending time with her and playing video games because without a split second’s hesitation, I’d be like “Don’t let the door hit’cha… Where the Good Lord SPLIT’CHA!!!” :D

I can afford that though, because I’m single and I don’t have any kids. If a chick doesn’t fit in with my style, she can vamoose and make space for the next gal who’s already on deck, waiting to step into the batter’s box.

So just now, reader “Kim” brought up the scenario of a guy having kids with a gal and still spending all day playing video games with his homeboys instead of spending time with the kids, doing chores, whatever.

Being that that’s a foreign situation to me, I have a hard time properly processing it. I know how it feels to play video games all day and not pay attention to SOME OTHER CHICK’S KID(S)! :D hahaha but I can’t really grasp anything other than MAAAAAYBE handing the kids controllers so they could make themselves useful in the game I’m playing. >:D

The reason I wanted to bring this up is that I think this is a very important issue that couples don’t often discuss before they accidentally have kids.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

It’s actually been funny to me, throughout the years, watching women get exasperated and frustrated because their boyfriends/husbands have ZERO to do with the kid’s maintenance. It’s funny because I know that in whatever brief fantasies I’ve had about having kids, I never imagined changing one or feeding one or really doing ANYTHING with them other than playing sports and reading to them from books, handing them video game controllers… you know.. FUN stuff! :D

Unfortunately for women, they feel like a guy’s going to automatically give a flying **** about child maintenance just because he’s the one that got her pregnant. It doesn’t work like that. They don’t give us baby dolls and carriages and ovens to play with when we’re kids. That’s “girl stuff”. They give us footballs and baseball equipment and send us for drum lessons. Changing a kid never crosses our minds because there’s no reason for it to. In order to have a kid, it’s got to come with a female, who just so happens to have been reared to take care of the kids since *SHE* was a kid. It’s like kids come with automatic nannies, off the bat.

This is why women are surprised and complain so much that they’re the ones that always get stuck changing and feeding the kid(s). They don’t get that THEY’RE the ones that go through hormonal changes during child-bearing, not US. :) We’re the exact same dudes that we were before… which brings up another issue…

Get a clue, ladies… If a dude doesn’t like to clean up after himself BEFORE you move in with him, what makes you think he’s going to want to start doing it AFTER you move in with him? O_o In fact, it’ll probably get WORSE now that he has YOU to clean up after him because that’s part of the reason he selected you as his girlfriend/wife in the first place.

Once again, no hormonal change occurs in guys when they move in with a gal that makes them different people than when y’all used to live apart from each other. If you want a guy to clean things when you live together… wait for it….. Date A Guy That Cleans Up After Himself From The Giddyap! :D

Same thing with taking out the garbage. Same thing with visiting your relatives on the weekend instead of staying home and watching the game. Same thing with going to Happy Hour after work with his co-workers. Same thing with him driving his Corvette when you think he should trade it in for a van so he can chauffeur your new family all over creation.

The Talk

I wonder how many couples have these conversations ahead of time?.. I know a bunch of them have the convo AFTER THE FACT! :D

I know I’ve never had a conversation where I would have claimed to take responsibility for ANYTHING, as you can guess, being that I won’t even let a chick interrupt my “ME Time”. I can only imagine that it’s stressful for both sides, unless the guy had been looking forward to feeding and changing kids beforehand.

If you have any comments on this topic (whether you have kids or not), please leave them below so we can all benefit from your wisdom. :D

Ladies, do you expect your boyfriends/husbands to automatically share, say 40% to 50% of the child-maintenance duties with you if/when you have kids?

Guys, is this something that ever crosses your mind, or do you just figure the female’s going to deal with it and call you when dinner’s ready? :D

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Continued from “Time, Business & Handouts [Time, Part 1]“

In the very beginning of 2009, after I had aired my grievances with 2008 and was feeling, mentally, so fresh and so clean [clean], I ended up in a f2f conversation with a client one evening.

Jill, Bill & Flo

The reason I mention that it was evening is that I do my best work in the morning. By the time it gets to 7pm on any given day, I don’t give a flying &$#% about YOU or your project (even if I’m still working on it, hehe). The only think I’m thinking about by then are BREWS and CHICKS.

It’s nothing personal. I’m the same way about my own projects. The same thing that sounds like a FANTASTIC idea in the morning, that I can dedicate all sorts of TIME and ENERGY to, by the time it hits evening, I don’t care about my own ideas. I’ve learned this about myself and when I’m “eeh” about something that I think up in the evening, I shelf it until the morning to see what I REALLY think about it.

So that’s the state I was in when I happened to be f2f (face-to-face, IRL, in real life) with this client and I was nowhere NEAR in the mood to discuss ANY business other than what we were there to discuss at that moment. Here’s how the conversation went:

Him: So, what’s your schedule for [such-and-such-a-day]?

Actually, I have to stop there. :) When he asked me that, first of all, I tried to mentally access the day he was talking about to see if I was booked for any work on that day. He was talking about the week ahead of the day we were talking, and I realized after a few seconds that I didn’t have anything booked for that entire week. Once I figured that out, I shut my brain back down and went back to thinking about brews & chicks.

So, this is how it went:

Him: “So, what’s your schedule for [such-and-such-a-day]?”
Me: [mentally accessing] “…………………………..” *shrug*
Him: [looks at me funny]
Him: “ok, So what’s your schedule for [such-and-such-a-day+1]?”
Me: [now knowing I had nothing booked that day either] *shrug*
Him: [looks at me funny]
Him: “So, what do you do?”
Me: [stopping thinking about chicks... AGAIN, and accessing]
Me: “…………………. Well… The other day, a friend of mine couldn’t get her powerpoint presentation to go to video properly, so I had her send me her files and I made the video for her and output it to several formats she wanted and gave her the links to download them………………….. I also spend a lot of time maintaining my internet presence……………”
Him: [looking at me like I'm stupid] “Nah. I mean, What do you do FOR MONEY?”
Me: [looking at him like he wasn't listening] “That’s what I’m talking about.”

I know it was a hell of a lot funnier IRL, and you would have had to have seen our expressions during this exchange. :) Most people would have thought *I* was trippin’, because I couldn’t (or, potentially wouldn’t) say what I was doing on a given day. Meanwhile, I felt like *HE* was trippin’, because I had just explained exactly what he asked me about very clearly, and he didn’t get that I was talking about BUSINESS. That’s my fault, though, because I hadn’t fully explained to him how BUSINESS works, as far as I’m concerned.

Here’s the bottom line…

*ANYTHING* that you *CAN’T* do that I *CAN* do is BILLABLE.

If you can’t get yourself in shape and I can train you, that’s BILLABLE.
If you can’t output your powerpoint presentation before your deadline and I can, that’s BILLABLE.
If you can’t figure out what happened to your website’s theme and I can, that’s BILLABLE.
If you can’t make sense out of the hours of footage you shot and I can, that’s BILLABLE.
If you can’t film an event and I can… that’s BILLABLE.
If you CAN film the event, but you want ME to film it in better quality… that’s BILLABLE.
If you want to learn how to achieve and maintain over 1,000 Facebook friends… that’s BILLABLE.
If you want to know what equipment your company should buy, that’s BILLABLE.
If you want music written, produced or mixed for your show, that’s BILLABLE.
If you want to learn how to edit, greenscreen or color correct something, that’s BILLABLE.
on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on…

That’s why I looked at him like *HE* was trippin’. I had just told him that I took a situation that was about to FAIL and turned it into a WIN for a friend of mine, and his first assumption was that I didn’t CHARGE. HER. FOR. MY. TIME!!!!! :D Trippin’. Why in the world would I waste my own time for free? If her presentation doesn’t get delivered on time, do *I* take a pay cut? Nope. Do *I* get a blemish on my professional record? Nope. So… What’s my incentive for handling someone else’s business for free?

The Closer

Bill C.

The best way to describe professional freelancers is that we’re “closers”. In a baseball game, you have the starting pitcher, and then you have the closers. The starting pitcher’s job is to keep the game as close as possible into as late innings as possible. WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK… Work the starting pitcher TO DEATH, and then bring in the closer to make sure that the situation ends on a positive note for your team.

Sometimes, the closer works an inning and a half. Sometimes, the closer works only two batters (2/3 of one inning). Meanwhile, the closer STILL gets PIZAID (slang term, meaning PAID. A. LOT.) This is because without the closer, you, your company and your investors ALL FAIL if you can’t handle a business situation on your own. The closer is the “Ace up the sleeve”. You don’t pull that ace OUT until you REALLY need it to guarantee the win.

Here’s an example…. The other day, I just HAPPENED to be available and near my computer & equipment around 2:45 in the afternoon. I COULD have been at the gym and not monitoring iChat/AIM or any other way people can contact me via Social Media. I could have been at a friend’s house “doing what I do”. :D I could have been booked that day and working on a project. I could have been in another state, entirely.

So it just so happened that I was “in position” when a client IMed (instant messaged) me talkin’ ’bout “Can you be on a client’s (his client’s) location by 3pm? :O”. That’s the only reason I know what time he IMed me. That’s when I looked at the clock and realized it was PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to be where he wanted me to be within 15 minutes. I mean the only way would have been for me to walk out the door that second, without testing ANY of my equipment, get right into a magically-awaiting cab, have there be ZERO TRAFFIC in Manhattan, NYC, USA at 3 in the afternoon, have ALL THE LIGHTS TURN GREEN IN FRONT OF US, get right into the building, into the elevator, to the client’s floor and to their suite, where I had never been before. :D Impossible.

So I told him “Nope.” hahaha I told him “I can get there ASAP, but it won’t be anywhere near 3pm”. Since I was the only game in town, he told me to go for it. I arrived to my client’s client’s spot @ 3:45, handled the business and sent out the invoice. Closed. FTW (for the win).

Dynamic Life

This is why I can’t tell you what I’m doing on Wednesday. It’s not Wednesday yet. The only way I’d be able to tell you what I’m doing on any given day is if I know I’m already booked and confirmed for that day, which means YOU can’t have it.

This is incorrectly inverted by people who think that when you say you “don’t have anything to do” on a particular day, or you “don’t know what you’re doing” on a particular day that that means that THEY can take up your time on that day. No. What it means is, If an EMERGENCY comes up for one of my current clients, I might handle that. If I get booked the day before for a job on that day, I might be doing that. If I decide to spend the day drinking Cosmopolitans with my girls, I might be doing that. If I decide to travel to DC for a couple of days, I might be doing that. If I decide to hang out in the gym all day, I might be doing that. If I decide to write a couple of DatingGenius posts and a Social Media post, I might be doing that. If I decide to spend the day reading other people’s blogs and commenting and maintaining my internet presence, I might be doing that. If I decide to go act in somebody’s videoblog, I might be doing that…..

“The Spirit’s Day Off” – Indy Mogul Test Film
Indy Mogul: Behind The Scenes – “The Spirit’s Day Off”

That’s the DYNAMIC life… Not the STATIC life. The closer doesn’t pitch 9 innings like the other pitchers. The closer doesn’t go out in the field once per inning like the rest of the players. The closer doesn’t pitch in the 3rd inning, sit down and pitch again in the 7th.

The closer doesn’t 9-5 it. The closer doesn’t waste time and energy on minutia. The closer’s job is to be READY and SHARP, just in case the job needs finishing. What does the closer do during most of the game??? HANG OUT. That’s right. HANG OUT. You might see the closer head to the bullpen around the 6th or 7th inning to get warmed up just in case. Other than that, don’t bother the closer.

Do not ask the closer to pinch-hit. Do not ask the closer to carry bats. Do not ask the closer to help the catcher put his pads back on. Do not ask the closer to carry the drink cooler. Do not ask the closer to do ANYTHING other than be prepared to SHUT THE OTHER TEAM DOWN if need be.

Free Time

Bill & Grace

This is why there’s no such thing as “free time”.

The time that appears to be “free” to YOU is necessary to the closer in order to maintain the proper mental and physical state to do what I need to do when the time comes. If you see me at a party….. it’s because I’M PARTYING. It’s not an indication that I don’t have enough work to do to keep me busy. It’s not an invitation for YOU to attempt to further your own business interests at MY expense.

On top of that… :) Another thing I find really funny is that EVERYONE seems to assume that they’re THE ONLY ONES that have asked me for a favor. SRSLY… It’s like “take a number and head to the back of the line”.

Just the other day, this friend of mine informed me at 6:30 pm that there was a party going on THAT EVENING and asked me if I could come through and videotape it………… Why in the WORLD would I want to do THAT? :D It’s really amazing. I think there’s a disconnect where people FAIL to put themselves in other people’s shoes. It borders on insanity. It’s like how when people get older, and their kids do EXACTLY what THEY were doing at that age, it’s like they completely FORGOT what they used to do and act like THE KIDS ARE CRAZY!

Let’s say YOU were about to enjoy a leisurely evening of popcorn and DVD movies on the couch with your wife/husband/SO/whatever, and I called you up talking about “Hey. Get up from your couch, bring your professional equipment, come to this location in the middle of the night and work FOR NO REASON AT ALL and NO PAYMENT. Thanks. Seeya There! :D”… Wouldn’t you think I was CRAZY? Like, out of touch with REALITY?

The “problem” here is that most people are pitchers, not closers. Most people scratch along and do what they can do to get some money and it takes all of their time and energy, so when they see someone enjoying himself, they figure he’s not working as hard as he COULD BE and that his free time could be best utilized to enhance THEIR lives.

No. It doesn’t work that way. :) It’s like the Fire Department. You don’t see them running all over creation doing stuff for people, because THEIR JOB is to be ON POINT when the REAL ACTION goes down. You want that Firefighter to be able to lift that hose, axe that door, save that civilian, climb that ladder, rappel from that roof, run up that staircase and SAVE. YOUR. $&@#*#&. ASS. when you really need it. NAH MEEN?

So when you ask that Firefighter what he’s doing this Wednesday, and he’s like *shrug* “Playing cards down at the station?”, don’t look at him FUNNY, like as if he’s not DOING $*%& with his life. Recognize that he’s a CLOSER. He doesn’t LIVE like you do. He doesn’t WORK like you do, but TRUST & BELIEVE, just like the closing pitcher or the special forces sniper, when it *IS* time for him to go to work, you’re gonna see top-quality results, and you’re gonna be glad that a SPECIALIST was available to handle the business.

~Bill Cammack, January 19, 2009

Social Media Category: billcammack.com/category/social-media
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This is a response to Chrissie Brodigan‘s post, “Don’t Feed the Trolls: Dealing With Social Media Sins”.

Not that I give a damn about disclosure, but I’ll mention that Chrissie is a friend of mine (as is probably everyone else she’s talking about in her post):

Interesting.

I posted about this back in June: [http://billcammack.com/2008/07/12/freedom-of-consequences/].

Basically, in order to “live online” as we do, one needs to remain mindful of the lowest common denominator. Whatever you’re “saying”, make sure that if your employer or your grandmother or your “significant other” or you CHILDREN see it, that it’s an accurate representation of yourself that you’re willing to OWN… because odds are that eventually you WILL have to own it, and probably in a fashion that you didn’t consider at the time.

Even “That was then and this is now” is only a partial defense. Look at the Presidential campaign that just went on. John McCain acted like A JERK for the whole time, and then when it was all over and he lost, he gave, IMO, a heartfelt, genuine, really respectable and admirable speech. Things like that can alter people’s perception about a person, but the facts and memories remain about their prior behavior, even if the ‘pain’ of them is muted by the person’s present actions.

So, ultimately, the WIN is Prevention and not Cure. Does that call for sacrifice of some (or many) things one would want to do or say? Yes. The question, however, is what do you really want in the end? Do you want to have social media friends, who don’t know everything you think and feel?… or would you rather be known for what you think and feel and let the chips fall?…..

Social Media is characterized by asynchronous relationships… basically, stalking, in a one-way fashion or a mutual fashion. I might get two comments on a post I make, and then everyone I run into IRL is like “I read your post, blah blah blah”. You can’t suspect that the people you hear from are the ONLY ONES that dislike what happened. Those are merely the ones who are willing to risk THEIR OWN social media reputations by wearing THEIR hearts on Twitter in the same way you constantly wear yours. It basically branches out and people take sides behind the scenes, which is what causes “floods”, because a lot of people get fed up at the same time… a lot of people that the person in question probably wasn’t even AWARE that they knew of or had any opinions at all about the situation, which they thought, for some odd reason, was contained to a small group.

On top of that, our NYC set is different from other groups, because we’re in so much physical, IRL contact with each other. I’m very used to going to parties where I know 60 people on the Facebook “definite” list. I have over 200 mutual friends with several people on Facebook, and a lot of those people live here in NY or NJ. Obviously, all of these people are not going to get along with each other. The only way to navigate this group is to remain neutral. I can care or not care about the situation, empathize or not, but ultimately, it’s none of my business, and I’m not going to tell or suggest to people what they should do, and I’m not going to choose one side over the other, between people that have historically been decent towards me and have developed some sort of beef between each other.

So, to apply my own theory… When I go to that party that at least 60 people that I know are going to show up to, I have to be mentally prepared to OWN anything I’ve said about them since the last time I saw them. I also have to OWN the videos I make and the blog posts I make and the currently 710 pictures of myself on Facebook, where I can’t turn around and say “no… I don’t know that person” or “no… I wasn’t at that party”. I have to own what I say and do AT the party. I have to own the media I output about that party and the cycle continues. So, basically, every stitch of media that you output, you need to check yourself on whether you’re willing to own it, ad infinitum.

As this pertains to your suggested rules for offenders:

You always “Acknowledge Action”, because it’s in “Black & White”, and YOU put it there yourself. It’s not like paparazzi ran up and quoted you and put it in the tabloids. If you post from a position of ownership, acknowledgement is obvious.

You can’t “Become a Victim”, because you’ve already owned the media. You already know WHY you said what you said or did what you did and you already thought about how you would defend it before you pressed “send”. “Defense” is merely informing people about what you were thinking when you posted it. The only real question is whether you unintentionally slighted someone in a way you didn’t anticipate when you posted, in which case, if you feel like apologizing for it, that’s completely appropriate. If they take offense at something you fully MEANT to say and currently stand behind at the point of the ensuing conversation, the issue becomes whether or not you were out of bounds with what you said and whether “the shoe fits” as far as what you said about them, which THEY would need to recognize, and get out of your face.

The Final Frontier is blocking people. That doesn’t keep them from finding out about YOU, but it keeps YOU from hearing what THEY have to say about you. If people aren’t going to be rational and have intelligent discussions with you (assuming YOU’RE acting rationally, to begin with), then the solution is to agree to disagree and hope to avoid those people as much as possible.

So, Yes… It’s EXTREMELY COMPLICATED to live in public, even the limited “public” of our echo chamber, but that’s exactly what it is… an Echo Chamber, which means that everything you say and everything everyone else says is going to keep coming back to you. Your best bet, as I’ve outlined, is OWNERSHIP from the giddyap, so you’re fully prepared to deal with the ricochets.

~Bill

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A & C aligned in perfect sync today. Understanding is beautiful… and simple at the same time.

Gabriela knows what I mean. ;)

“To me, Days are Wasted when you know there’s something you want to do or that you feel you *SHOULD* be doing, and you’re not doing it.“

Photo Credit: Jay Batista

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