Why You Can’t Get A Boyfriend In NYC

Reader “Susan” left quite a lengthy comment on my post Women’s Guide To NYC Dating, so I decided to make my response to her its own post so we can all benefit from this discussion…

Hi Bill, well thanks for the long response.

Just to let you know, back in about February a few months after having moved (as a life-long new Yorker) to the midwest, I met a guy. Actually, I met a couple guys. Hell, I could have met more had I went out on the town a fraction as often as I did in New York. But the one I’m dating is a keeper. We quickly became boyfriend-girlfriend, and it’s WONDERFUL. Hell, I need to start practicing yoga to limber up. Every moment is wonderful, and we both acknowledge it. Easily. I trust, I give, I need, and I am trusted, given to and needed. We think it’s because we have ‘perspective’ as he says. He’s not that experienced, nor am I, even at my age. And this is the one thing I’ve always been looking for in a person. It’s hard to even explain, if I had more time…

I’m very happy for you, Susan. 🙂 I hope you get to enjoy your relationship with this fellow for a very long time.

This is what happens when you move to the sticks. You automatically remove the rest of your competition. It’s much easier for ANYBODY to shine in an environment where they happen to be an anomaly. Continue reading “Why You Can’t Get A Boyfriend In NYC”

Women Date Up, Men Don’t

Danielle RicksSo.. I was listening to this blogtalk radio show that Danielle Ricks hosted, right?.. And I’m running my mouth in the text chat room and say something regarding how it gets tougher for women to date, the older they get and it gets easier for men, and it’s like “Huh? What?” 😀

So I thought this was blatantly obvious, but let me get into it right quick, one time for the people. 😀 Continue reading “Women Date Up, Men Don’t”

Bill’s Dating Tips For Women [Part 01]

Bill CammackAs a follow-up to my 2008 post “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating”, I’d like to offer the ladies some of my top tips for those of y’all that are currently involved in the dating scene: Continue reading “Bill’s Dating Tips For Women [Part 01]”

Ladies: Why You Look Just Like His Ex-Girlfriend

As much as women hate to admit it, y’all are primarily selected visually when it comes to dating. I don’t know ANYBODY that has EVER told me “Man.. That chick is BUSTED!.. I’m gonna go over there and say ‘hi’! :D”.

You were selected because he likes how you look. He likes your hairstyle or length or whether it’s curly or straight. He likes how your body has ample curves or it doesn’t. He thinks you’re facially cute, pretty or hawt.

Bill Cammack & KVThere are definitely other things he likes about you, like personality, intelligence, wit, earning potential… but he finds out about those AFTER he sees you. If he selects a gal to spend time with, it’s PROBABLY because he likes how she looks.

If his relationship with her happens to end and he gets back in The Game, he’s going to be looking for the traits he visually enjoys. This is the first reason it makes perfect sense why you look like his ex. You have the same combination of physical features that made him feel like having sex with his ex, so it’s Game On!!! 😀 Continue reading “Ladies: Why You Look Just Like His Ex-Girlfriend”

Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages

Bill CammackSo.. Like, every day, guys have to hear stuff like “I’m not a piece of meat” and “I want him to like me for me”, which doesn’t make any sense, because a woman’s looks are a PART of her “me”, so if a guy likes you for your looks or your body, stop trying to dismiss that like it doesn’t count for anything.

Having said that.. If a guy DOESN’T think you’re cute and/or your body ISN’T sexually inspirational to him and he dates you anyway, you might just have a long-term boyfriend on your hands…

Long Term Relationships

Attractive women are at a SEVERE DISADVANTAGE when it comes to LTRs, because they’re not going to look like that forever. ‘Matter of fact, I’ve met gals that looked completely different six months after I met them, so women that get the rap based on how they currently look have a tough row to hoe. If they cease to maintain their looks, dude might be outtahere like Belvedere. Continue reading “Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages”

Money Talks… Don’t Overdo It.

If you’re into buying chicks but you don’t want to look like a trick, make sure you don’t overdo it as far as how fine the chick is compared to how YOU look.

Money TalksGranted, we all want to bang the hottest chicks… It’s how guys are built. However, if your goal is to look like a playboy rather than a customer, make sure you hire chicks that people actually BELIEVE you could have possibly pulled on your own.

Nobody’s impressed with someone that happens to have an extra $4,000 that they’re willing to toss at a chick to do what regular chicks will do in the bar bathroom for free.

It’s like in the movie “Gladiator”. Russell Crowe is a MAN. He steps to the front lines and does what needs to be done. Joaquin Phoenix is a HERB, but he happens to be the ruler’s son, so he wants respect. His respect is entirely dependent upon people’s reverence towards his father. He has no individual props of his own. Russell is respected everywhere he goes, because his track record of honor and valor and being a straight-up WARRIOR rings bells everywhere he goes. Continue reading “Money Talks… Don’t Overdo It.”

Jessica Simpson “Returns”

Jessica Simpson
For all of y’all that were CRYING about “Jessica Simpson & The Everlasting Gobstopper”, boo hoo hoo… It’s only right that I report that Jessica’s made a visual comeback.

She’s obviously reinstated her gym membership and put down the bon bons.

Also, like The Kid said, she shunned that gaudy, leopard-print “Look at me! I’m sucking my stomach in!” belt she wore that other time. She stuck to all black, with a completely non-obvious stomach-control area.

She also rocked that super-long necklace which focuses the eye on length rather than width or girth. Hair nice and long, adding to the effect. Heels maing her legs look longer and enhancing her calf definition. Nice work. Either her stylist has decided to earn their keep or she’s letting her boyfriend dress her.


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Pecking Order / Play Your Position

Guys don’t like to follow the rules when they try to meet girls in a group. There’s a pecking order which has been automatically determined by the individual characteristics of each of the guys YOU chose to hang out with on this particular run. Whether you know it or not, what’s going to happen for you this evening is not just LUCK, but it’s also a function of the ‘team’ you’ve assembled. TEAM is in quotes, because it’s usually actually a motley crew, and there’s really no TEAMWORK involved in the entire evening. My suggestion is that you a) Figure out your standing amongst your homeboys, b) Play Your Position and c) Act Like You Know! 😀

Wikipedia has this to say about Dominance Hierarchies:

A dominance hierarchy or social hierarchy is an organizational form by which individuals within a community control the distribution of resources within the community. Dominance hierarchies are formed when a group of individuals belonging to the same species share a territory.

Dominance hierarchies can be despotic or linear. In a despotic hierarchy, one individual controls all the other individuals. In a linear hierarchy, of which the classic example of pecking order in hens is often cited, each individual has a rank in the hierarchy.

Dominance hierarchies occur in most social animal species, including primates who normally live in groups. Dominance hierarchies have been extensively studied in fish, birds, and mammals. Dominance hierarchies can be simple linear structures, which often arise from the physical differences among individuals in a group in relation to their access to resources. They are also influenced by the complex social interactions among individuals in the group.

Like I said, the dominance hierarchy is set up automatically. It’s merely the difference between who YOU are, and who the guy next to you is. You don’t have to agree to it or even LIKE it. It’s a fact. Forget about the guys you don’t even know that are going to be there… Depending on whom you hang out with, you might be bringing your worst competition WITH YOU to the party. 😀 This is why the intelligent group knows who the top dogs are and acts accordingly.

While this article’s mainly for the fellaz, it applies to the chicks also. If you *INSIST* on hanging out with girls magnitudes more physically attractive than you are, do NOT expect to be the first chick rapped to when you meet a bunch of guys… EVAR! 😀 Life isn’t fair. It’s not HER TURN this week and YOUR TURN next week, hahaha it’s ALWAYS *HER* turn. Recognize… and Act Like You Know. 🙂

Your social life will be much better when you realize and accept your position in the crew. You can stop banging your head against brick walls and ease back and enjoy the perks of NOT being the team leader. Your role is support. You’re there to assist the team leader in MAKING IT HAPPEN! What you are *NOT* there to do is battle with the top dog(s) for girls you will never pull over them in the first place.

The way we live in the USA, and especially in New York City, everybody wants the best of everything. This leads to massive amounts of competition. Kickin’ it to chicks is no exception. Every gal you meet has a specific set of likes and dislikes she’s consciously or subconsciously operating from. Off the bat, you’re at an advantage or disadvantage compared to the next man. Does that mean you CAN’T get the rap if you start out on the losing end? Hellz Naw! 😀 You’ll be in a much better position to operate if you recognize the game and play it where it lays.

You lose if:

  • She likes taller guys and you’re shorter
  • She likes athletic guys and you’re out of shape
  • She likes rich guys and you’re broke
  • She likes original guys and you’re derivative
  • She likes smart guys and you’re an idiot
  • She likes funny guys and your jokes are dry as hell
  • He’s driving a Caddy, you’re fixin’ a Ford

You get the picture. Now if the guy trumping you isn’t a friend of yours, you’re in for a loooooong night if you still insist on trying to pull that female. If he IS your friend, then all you need is some strategy. Unfortunately for you, not being the top dog, that “strategy” might mean you don’t get the rap to that chick AT.ALL! haha However, for playing your position and facilitating the rap of the team leader, you will receive perks… trickle-down… the extra chicks that flock to the team leader, but can’t kick it to him because their girl is trying to get on! 😀

Sometimes, trickle-down is the BEST THING EVER!!! Sometimes, the hottest chicks aren’t there yet when you and your crew arrive. As soon as the team leaders choose ladies to rap to, they’re locked in. When that better-looking homegirl shows up, the leaders have to “eat that” and introduce them to the guys that have been holding off the cockblockers for them. hahahahaha CHA-CHING!!! $$$$$ 😀

If you refuse to play your position and take what you can get, you make things tougher for ALL of your friends to get on. Sure, healthy competition’s good when you first walk in the door, but when you see she’s digging your friend, step to the left and let him get some light. When you see that extra chick eyeballing his conversation, take one for the team and go over there and distract her. Meanwhile, the team leader will see if the gal he’s talking to has a hawt sister or cousin available for you.

The Kid learned this lesson the hard way one day, hahaha. About five of us had descended upon these chicks in a McDonald’s, and I was probably 4th on the totem pole, meaning second from the LAST GUY that should have gotten a rap from those chicks, hahaha. IIRC, the top three guys rolled up on the same girl, or maybe two girls and I had a clear shot to this other one, so I sat down and started saying whatever garbage was in my repertoire at the time.

All of a sudden, from over my left shoulder, MY WORST NIGHTMARE APPEARS, the #1!… Boom! He sits down and starts talking to this chick that I was OOOOOBVIOUSLY talking to solo and her attention disappeared from me, immediately! It was like somebody activated “The Cones of Silence” or like I had disappeared or something. I couldn’t BELIEVE it. I was sooooo mad! 😀

However, upon tactical discussion after the fact, it became clear to me that a) I hadn’t physically imposed myself upon her position enough for it to look like I was doing anything other than distracting her from the main rap, as the wingman’s *supposed* to do, and b) Just because I got there first didn’t mean she wanted to talk to ME more than the team leader, so the fact that she was so easily distracted meant that I should have just played my position and given him room to operate.

OTOH, sometimes, it’s just The Kid’s day, and there’s nothing anybody can do to stop the bum rush! 😀 If it’s ON, it’s ON… Which is why I can write stuff like this all year ’round, and I’ll STILL have more female friends than most of y’all have family members! 😀

Michelle, Marissa, Bill & Lindsey

Anyway… It’s a tough pill to swallow, but trust & believe, it’s in your best interest. Assess your situation, go for what you want, but make sure you have contingency plans. You might have your heart SET on “chick A”, but if she’s feelin’ your homeboy, stop catchin’ feelin’s, facilitate his rap, back his play, associate with the next chick…

Who knows? Looks aren’t everything. You might be getting the better deal! 😀


Don’t Play Yourself

Twice in the last week, I’ve had an experience I haven’t had in a long time… Waiting on a line to get into a bar/club.

I don’t wait on lines, basically for two reasons. If I’m going somewhere on my own, I’m not going to stand in a line to get into a location that has the exact same chicks that are outside in the street, in the bar next door with no line, at the pizza shop right now having a slice, in the subway, in the supermarket etc etc etc. Merely by logic, there’s more physical space OUTSIDE that establishment than there is INSIDE it, so, actually, by going into a bar or club, I’m DECREASING the number of available chicks instead of INCREASING that number. So… Let me get this straight… You want me to wait on a line so I can be around FEWER chicks with LESS light and MORE noise so I can’t hear them, can’t see them and there are fewer of them to hear and see? Nah. 😀

The other reason is that the people I hang out with don’t normally select places like that for get-togethers. This week was different. TWICE, I ended up waiting on lines to get into a spot, and I got to re-absorb some line-culture.

One of the things that’s annoying, yet completely understandable about lines for bars/clubs in NYC is that chicks are treated differently from guys. The reason it’s understandable is that by the time guys are on a line to get in a club, it’s usually after midnight. This usually means they’re already drunk. You do NOT want to leave chicks on a line with a bunch of drunk guys, because they’ll get harassed until they exit the line and walk away from your club. That’s no good, because if this keeps happening, the word’s gonna get out about your spot that you don’t take care of the ladies, and then you start to lose business.

Another reason to get chicks in the door, ASAP is that they’re bait. The more chicks you have inside, the more guys are buying those girls drinks, trying to get on. The obviously desired effects being 1) the chick feels goodwill towards you because “you did something nice for her” by buying her a drink, and 2) a SHARP decline in her ability to remember that she just met you or that she has a boyfriend at home. So the more chicks you let in, the more money you make, because you’re multiplying the number of drinks guys are buying, per minute.

Interestingly enough, using chicks as bait is a good reason NOT to let them skip the line, because if you use the style I just mentioned, you end up with a line outside your club of all guys, indicating that your bull****-ass club doesn’t pull any females, or “it ain’t that kinda party”….. Neither implication’s good for your business, so you need to find a balance…. well… I mean… unless it AIN’T that kinda party…..

So I’m standing there on a line last night, and I happened to have arrived at the spot right after these three chicks did. So there’s a line of guys, three chicks and then me. I had just come from another party, so I was feelin’ aiiite 🙂 and didn’t bother to start watching my own podcast on my iPod Nano. Because of this, I became aware of the chattering of the chicks in front of me. They were obviously confused about something. Bewildered. Not to be confused with Befoogled.

Shifting to the side so I could see the furrow in one of the chick’s brows and watch her lips move so I could detect which lines were coming from her so I could make some sense of the chatter, I realized that they were not only confused, but UPSET that they had to wait on line to get in. Of course, I found this hilarious and tuned in for the fun. 😀

So they’re switching between commiserating about not getting in and yelling statements to the bouncer (this guy was an actual “BOUNCER”, not these “doormen” that they place in front of clubs because they look stylish and completely unathletic. It’s the doorman’s job to scream into his little earpiece for the REAL SECURITY to come save him if some ish jumps off outside. :D) about why he should let them in. Regardless of how they framed it, their entire case was “We’re Girls!”. smh So here are these idiots, standing out in the street in Manhattan, NYC stating the obvious. It was perfectly obvious that they were all females. I’m sure the bouncer was aware of that. Each time they tried and didn’t receive any preferential treatment, they just got madder. 🙂

Adding fuel to the fire, another annoying-yet-understandable feature of line-culture is that people that know the doorman get in regardless of what the doorman just told YOU. The basic reason doormen like to give about making people wait to get in is that it’s too crowded inside, which is a valid issue to be concerned about. However, when they tell you that you have to wait until people LEAVE to get in, and then nobody leaves, and somebody hops out of a cab with four other people, shakes the doorman’s hand and enters the establishment with his/her entire party, you’re like WTF? But… That’s how it goes. If you don’t like it, don’t patronize establishments that deal with people on an unfair basis.

Meanwhile, some guys had now joined the line, and they had their own problems. Apparently, one of them had offered the doorman $20 to let him and his friends skip the line. This is a valid tactic, done by palming the money, then shaking the doorman’s hand. If he accepts the bill from you, he’ll let you and your friends in and it looks like you knew him to anyone that doesn’t perceive the exchange. So now, I’m laughing even more, because I’m virtually SURROUNDED by people that can’t believe they have to wait on a line! 😀

Next thing that happens is this guy walks up with two chicks and starts talking to the three gals that are on line in front of me. He asks them the OBVIOUS, COMMON-SENSE question:

“What are you doing standing on a line when there are four other bars on this same block?”

This is the point I was making earlier. The only reason *I* was standing on the line was that the people who I came to see were inside that particular bar. So they start complaining to this guy, something to the effect of the bouncer being defective for not letting girls skip the line and go right into the bar without waiting. So he’s looking at them like they’re idiots and invites them to roll with him and the other two chicks to go down the street to some spot without a line. So after all that complaining and time-wasting, the girls get off the line (better for me, thanks! :)) and walk away while shouting at the bouncer stuff like “Now you have a line with all GUYS on it!”

Amazing! 😀 Such entertainment! Free! On the streets of Manhattan! 😀

I would have SO missed out if I had been listening to Brett performing “The Hand That Feeds” on my Nano! haha

ReelSolid.TV episode 314

Now, in this particular case, the “problem” was that the bouncer was doing his job. His job is to regulate the flow of people into and out of the club as well as let in the people that he knows he’s supposed to let in, because if he doesn’t, they’re going to text/call someone who’s going to MAKE HIM let them in, AND he’s going to get in trouble for not recognizing the VIPs. It was smart of him not to compromise his integrity by accepting $20 from that guy to skip the line. Situations like that lead to people feeling disrespectfully towards the doorman, because “he can be bought”. You don’t want people feeling like that, especially drunk people, because then you might actually HAVE TO bounce them. It’s better for them to know you’re not havin’ it, so they keep that in mind when they get inside and act like they know.

For those particular three girls in front of me, they had a different problem. 😀

This didn’t register to me as important until I understood what they were clamoring about, but when I shifted to the side to get a direct view of their lips so I could decipher a distinct line of chatter… amongst other things, I noticed that none of them were hot. Not meaning as in temperature, but as in having the level of looks that might motivate someone to offer them preferential treatment. One of them was ok…… The other two were… like… nah. 🙁 Even the ok one wasn’t…….

ok… Like I said before, the reason you want to let chicks skip the line to get in the club is that they’re bait for guys to buy more drinks per minute so you make more money by the end of the night. Unfortunately for these three, they aren’t bait. Not only would guys NOT have been buying them drinks, but these three actually would have been taking up valuable space and simultaneously PREVENTING guys from easily accessing the bar to buy drinks for other chicks, so it was actually better for the club’s “bottom line” NOT to let them in at all. 😀

This is what was so laughable and ridiculous about their commiseration and complaining. They didn’t realize that they weren’t up to par to receive the benefits and perks they were yelling for the bouncer to give them. The equivalent would be for me to stand there on line yelling at the bouncer “YO!… I’M A GUY! LET ME IN!” hahahaha The same way it makes no difference AND happens to be obvious that I’m a guy, it was obvious and made no difference that they were [unattractive] girls. Another reason why bouncers/doormen let girls in is that they want to kick it to them in the near future, if not tonight. These three FAILED in that aspect as well, so even if the bouncer hadn’t been strictly doing his job (not accepting bribes, etc), they wouldn’t have had any wins.

Another thing about them constantly running their mouths and acting like there was something wrong with the bouncer for not letting them in is that they were demonstrating that they have bad attitudes. Again, this is only something that HOT chicks can get away with. Being that he doesn’t care what she thinks anyway, the reason a guy tolerates a chick’s pathetic behavior is that she’s really attractive to him and/or he enjoys having sex with her. Letting chicks with crabby personalities into your bar is *NOT* going to help “the bottom line”. When guys talk about it the next day (or, in this case, blog about it the next day 🙂 ), they’re going to say that when they went to your spot, there were a bunch of unattractive females with lame personalities = you lose business. There are literally too many extra women in this town to interact with unintelligent or crabby females…. 210,820 extra, to be exact! 😀

So… Instead of stating the obvious, they should have just STFU and acted like they had some CLASS, and maybe the bouncer would have decided that they were chill and hooked them up. Also, walking away shouting insults at the bouncer who you were just *BEGGING* to let you in the club isn’t a smart move at all. That’s as dumb as those guys that stand out in the street calling women beautiful and lovely, and then when the women walk right by, the same guys start hurling insults. What sense does that make? Really.

Anyway, fortunately for me, the people that I hang out with seek out easily accessible locations. The less crowded the better, because we go out in groups to begin with and who knows how many people are going to eventually join the party? If it’s a private party we’re going to, there’s STILL no line, just names on the guest list. It WAS rather interesting to watch those chicks get indignant because of their sense of entitlement to special treatment merely for being females. 🙂 The other time this week that I was on a line, there were lots of women waiting and they all cheerfully spoke with each other to pass the time until they got in. If these particular three would have understood that the ability to skip the line is a COURTESY and not something they’re ENTITLED TO, they would have carried themselves differently and had a much better chance of achieving their goals for the evening.


Sex Objects

Here’s ONE of those situations where women have their rap game seriously screwed up. 🙂 … I mean *SRSLY*!!! hahahaha

How many women have you heard complain that a guy wants to have sex with them, or at least complain that he’s thinking about it?

I’m not talking about in a business situation. I’m talking about in dating situations. For instance, as far as online dating… How many times have you heard women complain about providing full-body pics to potential suitors? Guys they’re already kicking it to and interested in dating.

First of all… If you’re not physically attractive… Why are you trying to be slick? 🙂 If you EVER go out with him IRL, he’s going to see what your body looks like anyway. This is one of the reasons a lot of chicks get dumped after their first date. They go to these extreme lengths to hide what they look like, thinking they can get over when the time comes on the strength of their online sales pitch.

Fellaz… Has this ever happened to YOU? HAHAHA The old “Bait & Switch”? You know… How chicks like to use mega-ancient pictures of themselves as if they still look that way? 😀 How about the good old “Crop The Picture As Close Around Your Eyes As Possible” trick? 😀 These are all grand tactics for the ladies to get virtual raps, but as soon as he actually sees you, the jig is up!

Second… Women who *ARE* actually physically attractive hide as well. The goal there is to avoid guys who “just want them for their bodies” or selected them “for their looks and not their minds” etc etc… This is all well and good if you’re looking for a debate partner. The fact of the matter is that if you’re reading dating advice, you’re probably trying to pair-bond. The only reason for PBing is sex. Notice how women tend to throw the word “just” in front of “friends” to make “just friends”? All that means is that they’re claiming that they’re not having sex with the guy in question. The barrier between being friends with a chick and being her significant other is sex. Everything else is available to everyone else. When the relationship ends, the “other” loses his significance and returns to GenPop. This is known as Serial Monogamy.

Since you’re dating with the goal of hooking up with a guy as a boyfriend or whatever, and the only delineation between friend and boyfriend is sex, it’s really in your best interest to be as attractive to potential suitors as you can, ASAP. This assists you in two MAJOR components of your rap game:

1) GETTING a man… and then
2) KEEPING a man

Except for guys that have particular fetishes, NOBODY is looking for unattractive women. Nobody. When was the last time you heard someone go “Man! She’s REEEEEEALLY BUSTED! I think I’ll go meet her! :D”? That’s right. Never. How many business owners go to lengths to make their storefronts look shabby in the hopes of getting more customers? None. So why are you hiding your looks or trying to make yourself look corny in pictures? Why not put your best foot forward? Will you end up with more creeps and trolls? Yes you will. 🙂 You will ALSO end up with more viable suitors so you can get out of the game faster and not have to deal with any of this after you PB.

I understand that there’s an issue that women have where guys don’t pay attention to their minds AT ALL, and they’re trying to narrow the field down to guys that would talk to them anyway, IF they actually were busted. It’s like those experiments they do when they dress up attractive chicks in these sumo-wrestler-body outfits and take them to the mall and film it. The chicks find it amazing how invisible they are, because they totally didn’t believe that their physical attractiveness was what was getting them attention.

Meanwhile, MSM sells women products all day, every day, so they can get in shape and fix their hair properly and have makeup on and eat the right things and wear the right clothes for their body-type, etc. If your looks are so important to you that you spend money to maintain and enhance them, why play yourself down when it comes to meeting someone that you’re planning and HOPING to have sex with?

Then again, 🙂 Maybe you’re NOT planning or hoping to have sex with someone you meet through online dating. The newsflash for you is that that’s called a FRIEND, and you don’t have to date to get those. 😀