So they finally released the movie “Twilight” on cable, so I was able to check it out and see what all the hubbub was about.

Vampire shows have been all the rage recently. HBO has a series called True Blood that’s really popular and pretty much anything dealing with vampires is going to get run these days.

I’ve been wondering for quite a while why chicks have been falling all over themselves over “Twilight”. I figured a vampire movie is a vampire movie is a vampire movie. *yawn*

Having watched it now, I get it completely. The screenplay was very well written to fit the brainwashing of American females if not females all over the world.

I’m not saying the movie was interesting or good or unpredictable, haha.. I’m just saying that I understand why it’s a phenomenon because it hits the points that girls are trained to look for when they fantasize about being involved in a romantic relationship with a guy.

*** SPOILER ALERT *** If you still haven’t seen this movie, which was released over a year ago or you happen to be Keith Bevans, do not read the rest of this post! :D

Bella

Bella is the main character. The movie’s seen through her eyes. This is automatically going to be of interest to females, because most films are seen through guys’ eyes.

She doesn’t live in a big city. She transfers to a new school, which means she starts off with ZERO props. She has no friends. She’s a loner.

She’s cute enough for the sticks, but she’d be nothing to write home about in New York City. This is also endearing to females, because most of them fit into this category.

You don’t want your protagonist to be “too attractive” or else the audience will disconnect. Of course Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Anniston for Angelina Jolie. That’s what’s supposed to happen, because Angelina > Jennifer. You want the audience to feel like they’re immersed in a story that could actually happen to THEM in THEIR lives.

So Bella’s set up as a character that’s worthy of love but just doesn’t have any. Her parents are separated. Her father lives alone. Her mother has a new man and enjoys traveling with him. Basically, Bella has nothing at all in her life, emotionally.

Edward

Edward is seen as a “catch” in the town Bella moves to. He’s one of the elite, although the movie doesn’t establish WHY he’s considered elite. I can only assume it’s because they imply that he’s physically attractive and mentally a renegade.

I grew up with “elite” people in my elementary school. I understand the draw, even though “Twilight” skipped over the character development explaining these people.

When I was 13 years old, I knew other 13-year-olds that got $150 a week in “allowance” (The money your parents give you to live and have fun on for no particular reason). At the time, my allowance was $20/week and a lot of my friends (who had JOBS by the time they were 13 or just stayed broke) considered me rich because of that.

I knew 13-year-old “elites” that would throw wild parties and raid their parents’ liquor cabinets and be the talk of the school, come Monday. I also knew 16-year-old elite females that dropped out of school to have kids, most likely due to some of those same parties.

So I understand the concept of “the table of cool kids” and how fascinating they are, just because they’re living lives that the rest of us aren’t living. One thing the movie never addresses is that Edward doesn’t age past 17, even though he became a vampire in ~1918, and nobody seems to notice.

So Edward seems to be rich, cool, has his own car, his parents pull him out of school whenever it’s a really nice day and the faculty never complains (= his family has juice), so it would appear that he could choose whatever female(s) he wants and they’d be glad to get down with the program.

Perfect Dynamic

This sets up the perfect dynamic between Edward & Bella that she’s not supposed to be able to pull a guy as good as him and he’s not supposed to settle for a girl as mediocre as she is.

This is the format for the American female dream. Self-Validation through being selected by an elite male for her unique qualities. Without the male being elite, it’s not worth anything because “who cares?”. If the female had been stunning and all guys were chasing her, it wouldn’t have been worth anything because the average American female wouldn’t feel like the film was about *her*. This is a modern reenactment of John Hughes movies about the mechanic chick getting the guy that’s chasing beauty queens, except instead of it happening within the last five seconds of the movie before the credits, it happens towards the beginning of the film.

The basis, as usual, is the concept of “Love”. The way Love is sold to women is that it’s some supernatural occurrence that has no realistic explanation. The more of an explanation there is for it, the less valid it is. This is why you don’t get any credit for telling a gal she has a nice ass. She attributes your statement to LUST, which is low-rated when compared to LOVE, which is something you’re supposed to feel….. um… because you feel it and you can’t explain it. Lusting after her doesn’t make her feel unique, because you like a lot of chicks’ asses. If you’re “In love with her”, that means that she’s the only one that inspires you to feel a certain way and then it’s Game On!

Unfortunately for my ‘discovery’ of this film, I was aware ahead of time that Edward was a vampire and Bella was Human. As an editor, I’m going to be aware of this fact the entire time, because I would have been in charge of being aware of character development & continuity if I had edited this film myself. For this reason, when Bella walks into the class and passes in front of the fan and Edward covers his nose, I immediately considered that he was avoiding her because he considered her a tasty morsel, not because he was repulsed by her, as Bella assumed.

Natually, this gimmick was revisited during the baseball game scene when Edward tells Bella to put her hair down and then the breeze blows through it, sending her Human scent to James, the hunter vampire. This was another plot flaw, BTW, because the vampire female on Edward’s team had said she could smell Bella from across the field, yet James was standing right in front of her and didn’t detect her as Human until the wind blew past her in his direction.

American Dream

I realized how well this screenplay was written and why the phenomenon has become so huge during the car scene after Edward rescues Bella from a pending gangbang and is driving her away from the scene. Bella and Edward reach for the radio at the same time, and Bella goes “Your hand is so cold! :O”. This was my “AHA!” moment because this scene occurred maybe halfway through the entire movie. Edward had already saved her life from getting crushed by a van, hung out with her lots of times and now arrived out of nowhere to save her from four guys that were planning to tag up, and she had NEVER. TOUCHED. HIS. SKIN. BEFORE!!! O_o

This, my friends, is the American female dream… Something For Nothing. This guy was hanging out with her, courting her and protecting her and he had never even held her hand before. Never kissed her before. Never ****** her before. Nothing. There’s no explanation why he’s compelled to do things for her, which validates her as an unique female… a CUAO. From then on, I watched the physical interaction (or lack thereof) between Edward & Bella and realized how masterfully the sexual tension was built into this book which was adapted into a screenplay.

Kool-Aid

For some reason, Edward’s crew of vampires has sworn off eating people, although it’s natural to them. When Edward first smells Bella, he’s like “LUNCHTIME!!! :D” but he fights off his natural urges and disappears from school for a few days until he calms down. Meanwhile, Bella’s been experiencing some kind of inexplicable attraction to Edward which is of course attributed to “love”. Edward, then, for no apparent reason, saves Bella’s life, making her even more enthralled by the concept of being with him. When she finds out he’s a vampire, she declares that she doesn’t care and that she’s not afraid of him. Logically, she’s willing to risk her life to be with him being that she would have been dead already if he hadn’t saved her from being crushed, however, of course, this is utilized as another demonstration of how deep her LOVE is for Edward.

The real hook to this movie is the fact that Edward can’t physically interact with Bella for fear of losing control and killing her. He decides to make out with her one time and has to retreat from that situation. This is like Female Final Fantasy.. that a guy wants them so badly that it hurts, but at the same time, he’s not willing to pull the trigger. Brilliant! :D BRAVO!!! :D Excellent Writing! :D I wish I would have thought up “Vampires that restrain themselves from eating Humans” myself.

Edward fights for and protects Bella, declaring her his entire life, and he hasn’t even hit it yet. What girl isn’t gonna drop her drawers for *THAT*? :D He goes against his family, goes against the entire town, goes against regular vampires, faces off against wolves, *AND* even goes against his own natural urges to KILL BELLA because he’s in love with her.

On top of all that, he can read EVERYONE’S mind, except for hers. The new-girl outcast loner is SO unique and important! Of course chicks are gonna drink the Kool-Aid straight with no chaser, wipe their lips and ask you to pass them some more! :D

Be Edward

The obvious moral of this story for the fellaz is to BE EDWARD!!! :D

Some gals you can pull by telling them what you WILL do for them. Others, you can pull by telling them what you WON’T do. ;) Be the Alpha. Make her feel unique. Tell her what you want from her…….. and then tell her why you can’t or won’t pull the trigger. Sweetness! hehe Leave her wondering how it WOULD HAVE BEEN if she had hooked up with you.

A lot of chicks won’t give it up simply because they know you want it. It’s this weirdo mentality where they like to make themselves feel special or perhaps powerful by denying or defying you. I know you know what I’m talking about.. Everything’s going in the right direction, and all of a sudden, they’re backing away from you or they start playing games. The counter to this dumb way of being is to tell them what you’re NOT going to do so they attempt to defy you by making you do it.

You see this throughout the movie. Edward tells Bella he’s a killer, her response is that she’s not afraid of him. Edward seems to be repulsed by her when he has to sit next to her in class, she wants to confront him about that. Edward tells her he’s not going to tell her about himself, she insists. Edward tells her he’s not going to turn her into a vampire, she tells him she wants to live with him forever.

So.. If nothing in your usual repertoire’s working, flip the script. Be That Guy. Make her the star of your movie. Break out your “Something for Nothing” game. Let her know that you’re her American Dream.. just don’t give it to her… Just let the tension build and see what happens ;)

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I’m not a fan of labeling relationships because the label doesn’t indicate or describe the functionality of the relationship. Similarly, the LACK of a label doesn’t indicate a lack of functionality between individuals. Therefore, the label itself is almost entirely useless.

I was watching this movie the other day, and this guy’s trying to get to know this new chick. He explains something about himself to her and she says “Oh.. You’re one of those [X] guys”. His response is “I don’t really, uh, subscribe to any label”.

When I heard that, I realized that that’s what I should have been saying all along. I mean, I’ve BEEN saying that forever, but I haven’t stressed it enough, since I’ve been attempting to inform the average Joe/Josephine about what my life is like. It’s just not as easy as I thought it would be. Things that make perfect sense to me don’t make sense to other people. Things that work for me don’t work for other people. I’ve attempted to explain something that I’ve now decided I just can’t explain. I just have to be thankful for the situation and keep it movin’. :D

Labels

Labels are only as relevant as the people that are willing to adhere to them.. meaning that basically, they’re completely useless.

Let’s examine the term “Girlfriend”, which, to me, means “The chick you’re most likely to have sex with today”. What does that term define, really? What does it rule IN, and what does it rule OUT? Nothing.

Every single day, you can read about guys that are really nice to their girlfriends and guys that are really horrible towards them. That means that the label “Girlfriend” doesn’t come automatically equipped with decent behavior from the boyfriend. What’s THAT worth? There are guys that are faithful to their girlfriends and guys that have several girlfriends at the same time… The point being that applying a label to a situation doesn’t have any bearing on what actually happens between those two (or more) people.

Polyamory

In my attempt to describe my non-average life to the average person, I’ve described myself as polyamorous in the past. At this point, I realize that the term has been co-opted to stand for a particular segment of society that engages in regular “relationships” with multiple people, simultaneously. That’s completely not what I meant or subscribe to. It’s kind of like how the original Punk Rockers played, loved and listened to Punk Rock because that’s how they felt and how they lived. Eventually, people started loving what the originals loved and produced and started emulating their heroes, especially dressing like them. Next thing you know, anyone who dresses the same way is considered a Punk Rocker, regardless of whether they ROCK or not. :/ Anyone who styles their hair a certain way is considered “Emo”. It’s a haircut, people… a haircut. It’s absolutely meaningless.

The strict breakdown of the term Polyamory is from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]. All it actually means is to love many people. Period. Unfortunately, somehow, “relationships” became equated with loving someone, which is absolutely retarded. There are lots of people in relationships that don’t love each other and lots of people that love each other that aren’t in relationships with each other. Love is a feeling. Some would argue that it’s a chemical reaction. You feel it or you don’t. You feel it for nobody, one person or many people. You feel it for one person at a time or many people simultaneously.

So, this very basic and understandable term has been co-opted to mean people that are in several simultaneous open relationships. I realized this when I saw a show about it recently. This chick was dating this chick that was dating a dude. In order to explain this mess, I’ll label the original couple [A]. Chick[A] was dating Dude[A] and then Chick[A] started dating Chick[B]. Meanwhile, Chick[B] was NOT dating Dude[A], so it looked like this:

     Chick[B]<->Chick[A]<->Dude[A]

What woke me up was when Chick[B] decided that she wanted to go out with Dude[B]. Instead of doing what she wanted to do, because it’s her life… she decided to consult with Chick[A] as far as WHAT. SHE. THOUGHT. about Chick[B] potentially dating Dude[B]. This is when I did at least a triple-take and was like “um… This is retarded. How are you going to ASK anyone that’s not your parents whether you can go out with someone you like or not?”. This is in fact LESS FREE than a regular “relationship”, because NOW, you have not ONE but TWO people that might veto your involvement with someone that you’re naturally attracted to.

Cost of Living

Unfortunately, this is the price you have to pay to be involved in so-called “deviant lifestyles”. The pool of people that you’re sexually compatible with is a rather small subset of the general population. Your choices are to get down with whatever rules the other person lays down for being involved with them or not to be involved with them at all. They know what they want and what they don’t. If you can’t get down with the program, you’re useless to them anyway, so there’s no point in being involved with you past friendship.. IF that.

So Chick[B] had a sit-down with Chick[A] and basically asked her permission to go out on a date with Dude[B]. Chick[A] looked actually hurt about it. I suppose some people like to feel like they’re so special that they can have multiple GFs/BFs and all of their SOs are only interested in them. haha Right! :D … So Chick[A] sanctioned the date between Chick[B] and Dude[B] *IF* Dude[B] was brought to the crib to meet Chick[A] before the date! HAHAHAHA Incredible.

Anyway, you get the picture. This situation was a complete mess. It’s indicative, however, of what labels get you. Once you subscribe to a label, people treat you as if that label means something, when it actually means nothing. In actual fact, Chick[B] could have dated or messed with Dude[B] anytime she wanted to, and it’s none of Chick[A]’s business at all. The only reason any of this happened is that Chick[B] bought into Chick[A]’s game of “I own several people”, when in fact, Chick[A] owns ZERO people…. Lincoln freed the slaves.

Viewing the situation from Chick[A]’s point of view, you only have as much power as other people give you. If someone decides to opt-out of your lifestyle, you’re short. There’s nothing you can do about it. They’re just not interested, so you’re left with your remaining roster of GFs/BFs. That’s the way it works.. People come and go. Society in general subscribes to “one guy, one girl”. If that’s not what you’re offering, it’s a tough row to hoe. It’s not for the faint of heart. Some people catch feelings about stuff like this, which I think is really funny/pathetic. It’s all in the game. If you’re not offering what someone’s brainwashed to want for themselves, they’re going to eventually select someone that’s at least willing to CLAIM to want to be involved in the type of relationship they’re looking for.

Reality

I don’t know what happened in that situation because it was too boring to continue watching. I figure that at some point, Chick[B] would have figured out that it’s her life and it’s the only one she’s ever going to have, so she may as well do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. It’s not going to serve her in the future if she declines to mess with Dude[B] because Chick[A] caught feelin’s about it.

The fact of the matter is that people like what they like, feel what they feel and do what they do. It’s really not any more complicated than that. There’s no label that can actually describe one person’s relationship to another person. Every relationship is unique because it involves two unique individuals. Regardless of whether someone dresses like a Punk Rock or cuts their hair in an Emo style, you can’t expect them to act or react in an uniform fashion with everyone else that tries to look or act like them.

Unfortunately, without the trial & error of becoming intimately involved with A LOT OF PEOPLE, this ‘trend of uniqueness’ isn’t going to be apparent. According to the media, there are NORMAL PEOPLE and then everyone else. As long as you subscribe to what they’re telling you everyone else subscribes to, you’re seen as NORMAL as well, and you get to stay in the game. Once you deviate from that, people start murmuring on the back-channel unless you’re a celebrity, in which case they murmur in the tabloids.

Do you like to screw chicks other than your wife? Well then… You’re a sex addict, aren’t you? :D .. Of course you are. You should be in rehab.

Did you “cheat” on a chick that’s considered one of the most beautiful and sought-after women in the world? There must be something WRONG with you, then! :D Make sure your publicist apologizes for you and get better at doing your ‘dirt’ on the sneaks.

Did you spend over $50,000 on prostitutes from just ONE madam? hahaha REHAB!!! You’re SICK! :D … I hope you get to say “Hello” to the thousands upon thousands of guys that should be in rehab WITH YOU for spending thousands of dollars each year buying drinks for girls they’re not even guaranteed to have sex with! :D

Did you spend $4,000 hiring JUST ONE PROSTITUTE and importing her from one state to another, even though you’re known for busting up prostitution rings? :D ..…..

Do you like to figure out fancy things to do with cigars and female interns during telephone business meetings? :D …. Which reminds me. I believe I’m going to need an intern soon.

I mean, seriously.. The list goes on forever and ever of people that got caught doing what they hid FROM YOU so that they could appear “normal”. Up until the time these people were found out, everybody was like “Oh! Look at the shining examples of upstanding citizens! :D”.. Immediately afterwards, everybody goes “Oh! They’re Not NORMAL!!! :O”. Actually, yes… Yes, they ARE normal. They’re all doing what makes them happy. This is what people do.

They like to hide, because a) it’s none of your business, and b) they don’t feel like being talked down about in the tabloids, but you can’t stop the bum rush. They’re going to do what they want to do with whomever they want to do it because that’s what makes their life worth living. If you don’t like it, you can go take a long walk on a short plank. Hit the bricks. Kick Rocks.

“Rubber”.. Meet “Road”

For the most part, people are willing to overlook aspects of a relationship that they don’t like in order to receive the benefits of being with that particular person. This works well with the current system because people like to advertise the positive points of being with them and deemphasize if not completely OMIT the negative points. That’s all well and good until someone gets found out…

A chick might say that she’s completely down with giving a guy as much sex as he wants in order for him to be her boyfriend… but omit the fact that she’s also willing to give it up to several guys in a bathroom stall while they videotape it, until the time she gets caught and needs to make up an excuse.

A politician might say he’s faithful to his wife, until the time he gets caught and then she has to do the Perp Walk with him while he pretends to act sorry for the cameras and read the statement that his publicist wrote about how badly he feels for his family and the people who elected him.

A guy might be lovey-dovey to his girlfriend, until the time she gets nosey in his business and he kicks her ass in a Lamborghini on Grammy night.

A chick might claim to be this 14-year-old boy’s teacher, until it turns out she’s also his girlfriend and she’s pregnant by him.

A guy might insist that he never had sex with That Woman, until his semen shows up on the dress she wore to work that day.

A married guy might go to jail for defrauding rich people, AND THEN a chick might write a book about how she’s been carrying on a 20-year affair with him behind his wife’s back…. How come she didn’t write it BEFORE he became a pariah? :D

See what I mean? All these people have all the labels and none of them are worth JACK!… NOTHING! Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband, Wife, Teacher, Student, Investor, Actor, Singer, Politician.. ALL completely useless when it comes to describing and/or defining the relationship between people. It all comes down to the character of the individuals involved.

This is why I don’t bother playing the label game with people. It’s meaningless and it’s a waste of my time and brain processing cycles.

I never ask people about their so-called “relationship status”, but I’ll listen if they feel like telling me about it. If they tell me about it, I accept it as a possibility, but not as truth. I’m totally disinterested in who people say they are and COMPLETELY INTERESTED in what they actually DO.

Also.. The examples I gave above are *only* the headlines that hit the papers / internet. This type of stuff goes on every. single. day. in average people’s lives and they sweep it under the rug so they can look “normal” to everyone else that’s putting up the exact same front.

Does this happen to everyone? Of course not. Does it happen to A LOT of people? Yup! Does it happen to a lot of people that DON’T KNOW it’s happening to them? Yup! :D

If you’re lucky, YOU’RE a nice person, you MEET a nice person that wants to be nice TO YOU and y’all live happily ever after. Sweet! More power to ya! :D

Hopefully, the other person’s idiosyncrasies stay under their hats… If they happen to slip out, hopefully you can deal with them and still want to be in a relationship with them. If you’re really lucky, you’ll consider the revelations delightfully kinky and take your relationship in an entirely new direction! ;)

~ Bill Cammack

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Today, May 06, 2009, is the eighth annual National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. As the world-renowned DatingGenius (not to mention, the author of “How To Avoid Pregnancy” and “Don’t Try The Rhythm Method!”), I feel it’s my duty to inform you how to keep your kids out of the Teen Pregnancy zone.

Boredom -> Pregnancy

Teens are BORED. Teens have nothing to do with their time. GIVE your kids something to do, or they will FIND something to do. Enroll them in Karate or Piano Lessons or a Dance Company.

Make them play Football or Softball or SOMETHING! This way, they’re having fun, they’re spending their time learning things and achieving goals and hopefully, at the end of the day, they’ll be too tired from all that physical and mental exercise to have sex! :D

Give Your Kids Money

There are lots of things that teenagers WOULD do IF they could afford it. Last I checked, going to the movies in NYC costs around $12 for each person, and that’s if you want to sit there without popcorn, soda, etc the entire time.

This is why you need to give your kids money. If teens have money, they’ll go DO THINGS. They’ll go to a restaurant to eat. They’ll go to museums and learn about King Tut. They’ll go skating in a roller rink instead of in the street. Besides… In case none of these distractions work, they’ll have money to spend on condoms.

If you think I’m kidding, make sure you consider these two things:

1. Going to the movies costs money
2. Girls are free

If you ask your daughter how much that guy paid her to get some, (not like she’d tell you to begin with, but) she’s going to say “NOTHING”. If you ask that same teenager how much he paid to see Terminator Salvation, he’s going to say $12. Get the picture?

Same thing for the arcade. Same thing for the batting cages. Same thing for that video game he wants that costs $60 and he could play in his house ad infinitum. Same thing for going snowboarding. Same thing for buying roller hockey equipment. EVERYTHING costs money, except for chicks.. so if you don’t want your son out there in the streets scrambling to get on, make sure he has some ducats so he can do something PRODUCTIVE with his time.

Don’t Be Such A Jerk

We all know you need to ‘put your foot down’ as a parent in order for your kids to respect/fear you, but don’t overdo it. You don’t want to be so much of a JERK that your kids don’t want to talk to you when they have problems or issues. What you need is for them to see you as someone smarter and with more experience that can guide them if they can’t figure out something for themselves, or at least point them in what you think is the right direction.

What you DON’T want is for them to feel like telling you ANYTHING is going to get them punished, in which case you will experience a Media Blackout. You won’t find out ANYTHING about your son or daughter until the school, the cops or the clinic contacts you, and by then, it’s too late.

Make sure they know that you’re THE LAW, but also that you’re willing to hear them out and be fair about things. How many kids would have avoided teen pregnancy if they could have come to their parents honestly instead of getting their advice from other kids on the street? You have to be an ally. You need to be on their side of things, although you’re clearly in command. You need to be a General and not a Warden.

Be Nice To Your Kids

A lot of teens are out in the streets looking for affection they never got at home. While you’re so busy playing tough-guy and king-of-the-castle, your kids are spending time with people they actually LIKE and who act like they like THEM.

Figure out stuff you can do with your kids. Figure out ways to let them know they’re loved and build their self-esteem. Don’t send them out in the world looking for codependent relationships to “complete” themselves. Send them out the door knowing who they are and that they’re fantastic people and have a support system behind them and they’re not on their own in this world. Don’t have them running around trying to have kids so they have someone that will love them unconditionally. That’s YOUR job.

Handle your business before some teenager handles it for you.

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
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This post is a response to reader “fishingrod”’s recent comments:

fishingrod: Hi Bill,

I guess it is easier to keep in mind why guys do what they do when this whole “wanting to get laid” thing is part of your own agenda.

Hey Fishingrod. :D

“Wanting to get laid” isn’t part of the agenda. Wanting to get laid is *THE* agenda.

Of course this isn’t true for all guys, and it’s not why ALL guys get into relationships.

My point in bringing this up over and over is that exactly what you’re saying is what keeps women from understanding what happened to them in a lot of situations. I don’t know *ANYBODY* that has ANY choice in the matter whatsoever who’s dating a chick that he doesn’t find physically attractive.

I don’t know ANYBODY that has deliberately kicked it to (introduced themselves to with the intent of beginning dating) a chick where he said “Damn… That chick is REALLY UNATTRACTIVE… I’ve GOT to meet her!”.

Granted, you have guys that don’t have any visual taste in women, so they end up dating chicks that *YOU* think are ugly, haha but that doesn’t mean that THEY aren’t attracted to her. Also, they might be attracted to her body and are letting her grill slide, because they like having sex with her. In that case, while they themselves would call their girlfriend “ugly”, they’re cool with that. Then you have the guys that got into a relationship and then their chick sat around with the remote control and the bon bons until she no longer looked the way she did when he was initially attracted to her. Now, these guys are looking for ways to avoid having sex with their ‘busted’ girlfriends.

Obviously, there are myriad permutations, however, it’s a high-percentage chance in the currently-active dating game that the basic, underlying reason that a guy is talking to a gal is because he’s physically attracted to her and wants to have some format of sex with her…. Actually, let me roll that back and just say generally that he finds something STIMULATING or AROUSING about her, which is his impetus for meeting her in the first place.

So let’s try to make it really simple. Stimulus & Response. Because women don’t “get” what men’s stimulus is, y’all misunderstand men’s responses. A guy asks you what time it is and you think he wants to know what time it is. A guy asks you to dance, and you think he just wants to dance with you. A guy asks you out and you think he just wants company for a meal. A guy sends you a bootie-call text at 3am and you think he’s lonely. A guy has sex with you and you think you’re on your way to a relationship with him. A guy tells you he hates you and you think he won’t have sex with you right after that. A guy has a girlfriend or wife and you think he’s not going to try to hook up with you. A guy hires you as a secretary, and you think it’s because you can type, when that out-of-shape, ugly chick types *TWICE* as fast as you do and you look good in a miniskirt.

So.. “Wanting to get laid”, or, to simplify, STIMULUS *IS* The Agenda.

For example, I like to eat a boiled egg in the morning. And I usually have it with toast and jam. My husband likes it with salt, and sometimes I remember to put the salt on the table, but more often than not I forget it because I don’t need salt on my egg.

ok.. Let’s roll with this…

breakfast[fishingrod] = boiled egg + toast + jam
breakfast[MRfishingrod] = boiled egg + salt

So this appears to be different, and on the surface, it is. You don’t bring the salt because it doesn’t occur to you. However, the rest of it DOES occur to you, because breakfast[either] = boiled egg. If you remove the difference in “dressing”, both of you enjoy a boiled egg in the morning, so you can relate to that. Chunking up further, eggs or no eggs, both of you are eating breakfast. Even further, both of you are EATING. So why do you bother eating? First of all, because you would DIE otherwise, but second of all, because you felt like eating, which is a RESPONSE to STIMULUS. You are potentially responding to HUNGER, because you just slept for several hours and haven’t eaten during that time. You are also potentially responding to routine or brainwashing which has made you the type of person to eat breakfast in the morning. Similarly, there are people who have been brainwashed to drink coffee in the morning and believe they can’t function without it. There are people who have been brainwashed to believe the need to smoke cigarettes to calm their nerves…

So toast & jam satisfies the craving that MRfishingrod gets and salt completes the craving that fishingrod gets while they are both accomplishing either “I ate breakfast this morning” or “I was hungry, so I ate”.

Women buy multiple pairs of shoes that look exactly the same for the exact same reaason. Stimulus and Response. Women see the shoes, like them, want to own them and break out the plastic. Women walk out of the store satisfied with their new shoes that they never saw before in life before they came across the shoe store window display while walking down the street.

[Many] Men get the exact same kick out of the sudden concept of having sex with a woman they’ve never seen before. This is why pornography and prostitution will *NEVAR* go out of style.. but that’s a different topic, entirely….

Same thing with getting laid. I realise that this is extremely important for guys, but I have no idea why. It is not important to me. I like sex, but sex as merely a physical pleasure has never interested me that much. If it is just that and nothing else, what do you need another person for?

There are guys that feel the same way. They’re completely disinterested in having sex. I understand that that’s not what you’re saying about yourself, :) but I think it’s important to note.

“Getting Laid” is actually a complex issue…

There are guys that enjoy it for the physicality of it… the arousal, plateau, peak, release (APPR) of it. There are guys that enjoy the conquest of it (bagged another chick, another notch on the belt). There are guys that use getting laid as confirmation that “they’ve still got it” as far as pulling chicks.

There are guys that use it to boost their self-esteem. Guys that are addicted to the high of being “in the game”. Guys that don’t give a damn what women have to say and don’t see any value in them other than sexual value. Guys that are just plain turned on by attractive women and want to express themselves to them.

There are guys that are bored and can’t afford other formats of recreation, but can pull chicks for free. Guys that have sex with chicks just so they can tell interesting stories to their boys the next time they hang out. Guys that want to have kids that look better than they do so they attempt to impregnate attractive girls. Guys that are polyamorous and honestly don’t end one relationship with a chick before starting a new one with another one…

So, there’s really not ONE reason WHY getting laid is important to guys, because there are so many aspects to the situation that a guy might get something out of.

Basically, the reason this question is tough for me to answer is because it’s so… basic. :D It’s so ingrained. The reason why some people enjoy hooking up with people they’ve never seen before is the same reason why people do just about ANYTHING. Why do people play baseball? Why do people go fishing? Why do people get college degrees and then try to make money in the stock market? Why do people visit New York City or Paris? It’s an urge. It’s a desire. You feel it or you don’t.

If you’re the type of person that feels that urge, it’s obvious. It’s as clear as Hunger or Thirst or Cold or Anger or Fear. It’s practically tangible, and it makes all the difference in the world. The same way you know that you want to eat, someone else knows they want to have sex with this person they just saw right now for the first time in life. It’s primal. It’s instinct. I’m finding it extremely difficult to access the “Why?” behind such a core issue. You’re asking me to explain why people smile when they like something or laugh when they’re tickled. I can’t explain it, I just know it happens.

Having said that, I think it also comes down to one’s life experiences. I’ve had girls coming on to me since my first recorded memory. I’ve never had a reason to be in a relationship with a chick (though I HAVE been in relationships) in order for the two of us to enjoy ourselves the way we want to. Women being easily & quickly available has a pretty devastating psychological effect. How many boiled eggs are you committed to? That’s right. None. You have a different boiled egg every morning and you still experience “breakfast” with it. Capisce? ;)

I think it’s something you become accustomed to. If your life experience is that you only have sex with people you’re in a relationship with, I guess that’s going to influence your future decisions. If your life experience is that you only have sex with people you care about and who care about you, it might not make sense to you to mess around outside of those circumstances.

Meanwhile, if your life experience is that you have sex with people you’ve mainly never seen before and usually never see again after a period of a few months (or less), I would assume one becomes accustomed to the fact that there wasn’t any time to figure out whether these people liked you or not before you got down to the nitty-gritty. What they’re thinking becomes completely irrelevant and has nothing to do with your APPR pattern. The only thing left is whether you want them and they want you.

I’m not saying that this is a GOOD thing, but rather that thoughts like “Does she like me as a person?”, “Does she love me?”, etc never occur because they have no value other than as potential accelerants. When you live in an environment for long enough, certain things cease to matter and you probably don’t even realize that they’re gone. It’s kind of like how you send people to war and tell them to kill people and then when they survive their tour of duty, you tell them to NOT KILL PEOPLE when they come back home. The answer to the question “Does she love you?” is “Dunno. Doubt it. I’mma hit it though”. Peripheral issues like that aren’t even a fleeting consideration.

Sex as just a physical pleasure is no more exciting than a good meal.
And eating is something that I can do on my own, if you know what I’m saying…..

hahaha That’s exactly why a lot of chicks in this town substitute food for sex. :D

As far as your question about “What do you need another person for?”, you’re absolutely right. This is why porno and prostitution will always be big business. Guys (& Gals) can hit their APPR cycle without involving anyone else at all.

That’s all well and good, assuming that the kick for the people in question is their own stimulation and completion as opposed to stimulating and completing someone else. Some people are doERS and some people are doEES. If you’re a doER, you might just need to have SOMEBODY to drive over the edge in order to feel like you’re having a good time.

That doesn’t mean you have to like them as a person or be in some sort of relationship to them. It just means that whomever you perceive them to be at this point in time, physically (or, in some cases, mentally) interacting with them floats your boat and drives you through your cycle. Also, as I listed above, depending on what a person’s REAL focus is for having sex in the first place, someone else might be necessary, regardless. To some people, this equates to ‘using people for sex’. To others, it’s life as usual.

So this is the reason that I sometimes forget why guys do what they do. That they pretend and lie and deceive and invent alter egos and what not just to get something that means so little to me. All the energy spent for just that?

And that, I believe, is a critical component to women getting consistently blindsided. Women think that if they don’t MAKE themselves attractive, they’re not attractive. They ask “Why did he kick it to me when I was wearing sweats… and my hair wasn’t done… and I wasn’t wearing my makeup?” It’s because HE wanted something from you in your current state. There was something attractive about you in his opinion, OR he’s just one of those guys that kicks it to any chick he sees. Women ask “Why did he press up on me? I didn’t give him an indication that I was physically interested in him!”. Nobody cares what you indicate. They care how THEY feel and what THEY want.

The ability to look across the chasm and imagine yourself as Goliath instead of David is entirely invaluable if your goal is to figure out what the other team is doing or thinking. The ability to cease projecting YOUR interests and values on someone else is what allows you to open your mind and potentially see reality instead of your own private version of what’s happening.

I’m sure you have MORE questions now than you had before you read this hahaha.. too bad, so sad. :) The feeling “I want to have sex with this person” occurs to some people entirely independently of “I want to spend time with this person” or “I want to get to know this person”. It’s CERTAINLY completely independent of “I love this person” or “I’m in love with this person”. Another issue is whether some people ever feel sexual desire towards anyone AT ALL in their entire lives. Lots of people have sex that they’re not actually turned on by. They do it because other people like it or they think it’ll make other people like THEM or to try to save their relationship or for lots of other reasons having nothing to do with their personal APPR.

Ultiimately, this has been an excellent exercise, but it’s extremely difficult to explain an urge for desire fulfillment to people who aren’t familiar with how that particular urge feels. I think people’s upbringing and life experiences make them more sexually compatible with some people and less so with others. I can tell you this much.. If you ever DO experience that primal urge, then you’ll understand EXACTLY what I haven’t been able to tell you! ;)

~Bill

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According to Webster’s, “Celibacy” is either 1) the state of not being married, or 2) abstention from sexual intercourse (read: not having sex).

I don’t know what works in the sticks, but here in NYC, people avoid sex by buying dogs. The dog becomes the central figure in the relationship and as long as HE pets the dog and then SHE pets the dog, the “love” is transferred throughout the entire “family” without him actually having to waste time having sex with her when he could be working on his startup.

So here are some of the advantages of celibacy:

Kung Fu Proficiency

Regardless of how long you study the I-Ching Manual, you’ll never attain the highest level of kung fu proficiency unless you’re celibate.

You can get close, but if someone’s received the same training you have, yet has kept himself “pure”, he’s always going to be the stronger of the two of you when it comes down to that all-important last fight in the movie.

Many men with aspirations to take over the world (or, at least China) have been thwarted by this lack of dedication to kung fu and wanton disregard for its rules. Don’t let this happen to you. Be a champion! Lay off the chicks!

Say WHAT?

Until they invent airborne STDs, remaining celibate will protect you from viruses… like buying a Mac.

No more worrying about what you might have until your test results come back in a few weeks. No more nurses looking down their noses at you like as if you’re guilty of something and you looking back up at them like “um… You’re not even a #*$&^%( DOCTOR. You’re a NURSE! Go do your job and hand out band-aids or something!”. No more picking up girls at the clinic, because you know they “put out”.

I’m just saying… That’s what I heard goes on in those places…

The P Word

Celibacy comes in handy when a chick you know gets pregnant. You get to raise one eyebrow like Spock and say something snappy, like “How’d THAT Happen?” or “Good luck with that.”

No being dragged on The Maury Show with eight other guys for you! Nope. Sit back with the popcorn, while she starts scrolling through her cell phone contacts for OTHER GUYS that might be responsible for the runner that won the race.

Perpetual State of Horniness

In social situations, when politely flirting with the ladies, it always helps to be somewhat “backed up”, ahem… Celibacy adds that extra edge to what you’re whispering in her ear, because you actually MEAN every word of what you’re telling her you want to do to her.

This absolutely trumps the plain, flat, boring, platonic, dry “That looks good on you” or “You look nice tonight” she gets from other guys that have no physical interest in her whatsoever. *yawn* Make sure you add a little desperation to spice up your “flirt game” FTW.

Goal Achievement

Some people utilize “Temporary Celibacy” to help them focus on what they’re trying to get done. If you’re in school, it’s easier to study when you’re not interrupted every couple of minutes by thoughts and images from last night as well as mental projections of what you want to happen the next time you’re with them. If you’re working on that startup, utilize the old “dog trick” to keep her from clamoring for affection all the time and jacking up your mental flow.

For the ladies, the obvious win is that you don’t have to rearrange your life around your new man. You’re also perpetually available for “girls’ night out” with your homies.

Efficient Decisionmaking

It’s not so easy to dump a girl on Wednesday when you were planning on having sex with her on Thursday. Celibacy allows you to judge her by the content of her character and excommunicate her on rational and well thought-out grounds.

You want to go to that party, but you don’t want your girl to see the pictures? No problem. Hit the party and have a good time. Since you’re not tappin’ that, “sex embargo” isn’t available to her as retribution, so all she can do is pout and go spend quality time with the dog while you work on your startup.

Saving Money

Since you’re not tappin’ that, you don’t have to take her out. CHA-CHING!!! $$$ Imagine the savings when you can buy one Big Mac Meal instead of two. Half price on your bar tabs!

Valentine’s day is like an automatic tax refund, compared to the guys that have to get haircuts, get new clothes, select an expensive restaurant, buy flowers, pay the Mariachi to sing at the table, pay for cabs in both directions…

Let’s not forget about the money you save in alcoholic beverages when she tells you she’s pregnant and you’re POSITIVE that it isn’t yours.

Crazy Honeymoon Sex

Well.. If you make it all the way to the night after your wedding before having sex, prepare for that to be the BEST night of your entire life!!!!!… or the worst.

Sure, it’ll be a new sensation for you, however you won’t have the first clue of what you’re supposed to do. I think the best idea is to agree ahead of time that y’all are probably both going to be WACK at sex, and agree that if this time completely sucks, you’ll discuss the problem areas and try to do better next time. Shake on it, then get down to business.

The obvious upside to this is that if she’s a virgin also then she’ll have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE that you don’t know what you’re doing, so just keep looking confident, like “aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh… You liked that, right? ;) ” and she’ll swear you’re putting in work.

Don’t go berserk, now. Remember, “you break it, you bought it”. However, I guess you already bought it by Honeymoon Night, so ENJOY!!! :D

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
Facebook Fan Page: Bill Cammack
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
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