A homegirl of mine was just victimized by the most egregious case of online dating false advertising I’ve ever heard of! :D .. WOW!.. I mean, it was horrific. Some people ought to be absolutely ashamed and embarrassed about how they present themselves online vs. how they actually are in real life (IRL).

You Can’t Handle The Truth!

I already talked about this back in 2008, in “It’s All In The Game (Online Dating)”, in response to this comment on BlogHer:

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.
For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

Briefly.. I explained that guys know damned well that they’re not 6 feet tall, but they also know they might not get a date if they admit that they’re 5’9″, so it’s better for them to lie to you to get you to show up for the date and then see what they can do. >:D

A bit of truth-stretching is the norm on the dating scene, but it’s entirely unethical to go overboard with it.

Bait & Switch

Back in the day, I met this chick online and we were “friends” for several years… Let’s say 3 years (I don’t remember how long at this point). The entire time, I had been receiving up-to-date pictures from her of how she looked. At this 3-year mark, she created a new account on a new social networking site.

When I went to check out her account, her profile pic was the EXACT. SAME. PIC. that I first saw of her several years before. I knew damned well that she didn’t look like that anymore, so I asked her why she used that for her avatar. Her response was that that was the picture where she liked how she looked the best…

I was like “Yeah, but you don’t look like that NOW!”, which made no difference to her. It was in her best interest to show the better-looking pictures and get more guys interested and “cross that bridge when she gets to it” about how she currently looked.

The Fellaz

This is basically what recently happened to my homegirl.. She got duped with some ancient pictures of a dude, and when he arrived for the date, he looked more like the Crypt Keeper than Donnie Wahlberg.

 
 
 
 
 
<= Crypt Keeper.. Not Donnie. :/

SRSLY.. :/ If you look like the Crypt Keeper, fess up! :D

What do you think is going to happen when the chick finally sees you in person? You think she’s going to forget what your pictures looked like?

It’s one thing if you’re 5’11″ and you said you were 6’2″. That’s a lie you can potentially recover from. If you’re BUSTED and you told her that you’re not?… You’re pretty much finished before you get started.

If you said you were rich, you can pretty much get over on that until you tag up one time or maybe twice, but after that, if you can’t produce that yacht that you claimed was moored out in Sag Harbor, your rap is basically toast.

If you claimed you were gonna rock her body to the break-day-light and then you turned out to be a two-minute-brotha.. you’re done!

The Ladies

While tha fellaz need to keep it real, y’all ladies need to stop trying to get over as well… Nobody’s being fooled by those close-cropped pictures that only show your head and perhaps your neck. :D

Until a guy sees a full-body picture of you, he’s not believing the hype. If all you want to show is your grill, it’ll be assumed that the rest of you isn’t worth seeing, or in fact, would be detrimental to your rap.

You really don’t want a guy to figure out what physical condition you’re in when he sees you approaching the table on the night of the date. :) If he doesn’t like how you look, you might get some weird-ass reactions from him, which could create a very uncomfortable / awkward situation for you, in public, no less.

In fact.. If the guy knows what he’s doing, he’ll tell you to meet him at the restaurant and then post up across the street so he can see you arrive. If he doesn’t like what he’s looking at, he’ll just bounce and remove you from his friends list on the online dating site.

OTOH.. If you happen to be FOYINE, it’s in your best interest to make sure that guys know this when they browse your pictures.

I know y’all are always crying about “WAAAAH, WAAAAAH I want him to love me for ME! :( WAAAAAAAH!!!”, but “You” isn’t just your mind.. It’s your body too. If he’s not physically attracted to you, you’re not going to get the chance to tell him what’s on your mind.

Will you get a lot of messages you don’t want, from guys that just want to hit it & quit it? Sure… It’s your job to sift through your potential suitors to find that needle in the haystack that you want to spend time with as much as he wants to spend time with you. It’s better to have too many guys kickin’ it to you than too few! o_O

Keep It Real

Ultimately, the thing is this… If you cheat people on your profile, eventually, you’re going to have to pay the piper.

If you’re not in shape, that’s going to be obvious.

If you’re not as smart as you said you were, that’s going to be obvious.

If you suck at playing guitar when you said you were in a band, that’s going to be obvious.

I realize that some people are desperate to achieve even the shortest amount of physical contact with another human being, so tricking them into meeting you for a date is the move for you. I think everybody else needs to be aware that people do this and realize that online dating isn’t WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get).

My personal advice is that you should meet, kick it with and date people your friends already know. Checks & Balances is the name of the game.

There are too many people connected to too many people in the year 2010 for people to have to seek dates outside of their currently cultivated social sphere.

Hop on Facebook or MySpace or wherever you socialize with other people and let them know you’re interested in meeting someone to spend time with, kick it about philosophy with or get your FREAK ON with and let them suggest people that they think might be a match for you and that they can vouch for as cool people.

Other than that, you’re going to have to take your chances, whether you’re on the giving or receiving side of online dating false advertising.

On the giving side.. If you’re looking for a LTR, it’s in your best interest to lay your cards on the table from the giddyap. If you’re just trying to sneak in the door and hope you get to hook up before your date becomes sober, you might very well get over, so good luck with that! :D

On the receiving side, recognize that people are going to try to dupe you as often as possible and get over as much as possible. They might not look the way you think they look or think the way you think they think when you meet them in person. It’s all in the game! >:D

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So.. Like, every day, guys have to hear stuff like “I’m not a piece of meat” and “I want him to like me for me”, which doesn’t make any sense, because a woman’s looks are a PART of her “me”, so if a guy likes you for your looks or your body, stop trying to dismiss that like it doesn’t count for anything.

Having said that.. If a guy DOESN’T think you’re cute and/or your body ISN’T sexually inspirational to him and he dates you anyway, you might just have a long-term boyfriend on your hands…

Long Term Relationships

Attractive women are at a SEVERE DISADVANTAGE when it comes to LTRs, because they’re not going to look like that forever. ‘Matter of fact, I’ve met gals that looked completely different six months after I met them, so women that get the rap based on how they currently look have a tough row to hoe. If they cease to maintain their looks, dude might be outtahere like Belvedere.

That’s why I find these television shows really funny where chicks run around giving themselves props for their looks. Good Luck with that. :) It’s these same chicks that roam the subway stations looking like confused zombies once their looks are gone and they become has-beens and actually have to depend on their underdeveloped personalities to make friends and influence people.

Personality Development

Unattractive women have it way better. :) Their personalities are way more developed because guys don’t approach them for sex so the conversations are completely different. Guys make plans to get together with unattractive gals to watch the Yankee game and actually WATCH the Yankee game! :D It wasn’t just a ploy to get her alone so they could hit it.

If a guy ends up attracted to her, it’s for traits that are way less fleeting than looks. She’s likely to be just as cool as she is today next year. She’s likely to be just as intelligent and witty next year. She’s likely to be just as caring and attentive as she is right now for years to come. Meanwhile.. Women who got the rap for their looks are in peril of losing their man to the next better-looking female that comes along. Guys that date for looks are notorious for trading chicks in for the newer, hawter model like happens with cars.

Ease Of Maintenance

Another benefit to unattractive women is that nobody else is trying to kick it to them. :) You don’t have to work so hard to maintain your relationship with her because there aren’t guys lined up around the block trying to steal your girl.

I remember one time, this friend of mine started dating this girl and we all laughed our asses off about it because she was clearly busted, except the problem was that we hadn’t realized that she always dresses down. Months later, we saw her actual body and we were like “HOLY ****!!! :O”. We were like NO WONDER he had hooked up with her and he was suddenly heralded as a gold miner instead of a fool with zero taste in women. The point is that my friend was living on Easy Street because HE knew what was under the hood and nobody else did.

Trickle-Down Theory

Unattractive women don’t have to work as hard to meet men. This is because attractive women will bring them out partying so they can perform the duties of the DUFF, which is similar to a wingman, but not really. The DUFF’s job is to step in and cockblock when she sees that a guy’s trying to lay the attractive chick. The second part of the DUFF’s job is to make the attractive chick look even hotter, merely by standing next to her.

The DUFF’s payoff for performing her duties is that she gets all of the trickle-down.. The guys that didn’t get the rap to the attractive chick and are willing to settle for less or attempt to back-door the situation by making friends with the DUFF, getting her number and getting invited out for another shot at the attractive chick in the near future. Basically, by being “The Woman Next To THE WOMAN”, the unattractive woman gains access to hundreds of guys that would never have spoken to her at all, had she gone to that same bar by herself.

An added benefit to the trickle-down is that in most cases, the DUFF actually has a STELLAR personality compared to the attractive chick. Hawt chicks get hit on all day, every day and it gets on their nerves and causes them to react in a “Let Them Eat Cake!” fashion when a guy steps to them and tells them how beautiful they are for the 20th time since they walked into the club. A lot of guys are tired as hell of this and when they accidentally get deflected to the DUFF, they realize that she’s actually much cooler, smarter and much better company than the chick they meant to kick it to. This is why a lot of insanely attractive women are dumbfounded about how come they don’t get as many relationship offers as women who clearly rolled out of bed just before coming to the party.

Random Advantages

If she’s so inclined, it’s easier for unattractive women to cheat. This is because nobody would believe that someone actually hit it other than the dude that was “desperate enough” to date her in the first place. When she claims she was at home eating Häagen-Dazs, no questions are asked, even though she had actually been at the club all night shaking her ass, making out and getting numbers.

Unattractive women are also more likely to give unattractive guys a chance to date them. This means that they’re selecting from a much larger pool of men and are way more likely to hook up with someone that is actually SINCERE about wanting her to be his boyfriend. Attractive women are busy being selective and trying to date the most attractive, richest, most popular guys… which means they’re way more likely to get used and dumped, because there’s no reason that guys like that should settle for one chick. All guys SOUND sincere when we’re trying to get laid. It’s just not true, though. Unattractive guys can promise the moon and the stars to attractive gals and get no dap. No light. Nada. After enough crashing & burning, guys start to want something real and lower their visual standards while raising their personality standards. This is where unattractive chicks clean up. :D

Unattractive women look the same in the morning………

I wouldn’t be surprised if unattractive chicks have more kids on average, being that their boyfriends/husbands aren’t worried about potentially messing up her stellar physique. Dunno. \o/

Anyway… You can see the myriad advantages that unattractive women have when it comes to relationships. Attractive women can get INTO relationships easier, but unattractive women can REMAIN in relationships easier because they were probably selected for qualities that are going to LAST throughout the years. Keep that in mind next time you see a DUFF chillin’ at the bar, smiling because she’s consistently looking like a HERO for being cool, funny, interesting & caring towards dudes that her attractive homegirl just finished haughtily rejecting.

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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This is not a continuation of “Online Dating Tactics”. This is a response to a BlogHer post by Zandria M, entitled “Dating: ‘Tis the Season”.

Zandria: I’ve heard that more breakups occur during the holiday season than any other time of year. [...snip...] The thing is, though, I haven’t seen a drop in the amount of people looking for dates online. In fact, I’m receiving more expressions of interest than I did when I first signed up over the summer.

hehehe Excellent read, Zandria. :) Let me tell you what’s going on.

You explained why you’re getting more expressions of interest now than you did over the summer. Guys are dumping their girls for the holiday season OR they’ve already DECIDED that they’re dumping their girls, so they’re trolling for more women ahead of time. It’s like being a freelancer in a work situation. As a video editor, I get MORE work when people get fired or companies downsize. You’re experiencing the same thing with online dating.

The reasons you gave were spot-on. Basically, the holiday season is an expensive time to have a girlfriend, so guys tend to break up permanently or at least until the season’s over and take their girls back in January.

Another reason is that there are a lot of holiday parties right now, with a lot of DRUNK WOMEN at them. That’s where you want to be, instead of stuck at some party with a chick you already know… or even WORSE, over @ her relatives’ crib! :( This is PRIME TIME for meeting women and starting new relationships. Also, if you start a new relationship NOW, it’s too early for her to expect an expensive gift from you. :)

Zandria: The thing is, though, the more dating you do, the more instances of “Did he really do/say that?” tend to emerge.

You need to catalogue those increasing instances of “Did he really do/say that?” that you’re experiencing, because those are brief glimpses into what a lot of guys are actually thinking. It’s really the little things that give people away.

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.

For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

As far as the “six feet tall” thing, hahaha Online dating sites are set up in categories. This is how women and men get to choose whom they see in their search results. If a guy honestly states that he’s 5’9″ and a lot of women check the box that says 6′ or over, he doesn’t show up in the search results and he doesn’t get that date. Or, in some cases, where the site does the matchup FOR you, he doesn’t make the “compatible” list, so, again… HE doesn’t get that date. Since the whole point of him being on the service is to meet women that he wants to date or have sex with or whatever, he wants to meet as many as possible, so he LIES and says he’s 6′ tall. It’s not that he doesn’t REALIZE that he’s not that tall hahahahaha. It’s not that he has delusions about his height. He’s merely tricking you into going out on a date with him, when he’s actually below your selected height requirement.

It’s all in the game. :)

Oh… and apply the same logic to his salary.

Zandria: Another thing: some guys need to be more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships before you take the time to meet them in person. I had this one guy wait until our first meeting before he asked me, “Did I tell you that I’m about to be deployed to Iraq for seven months?”

As far as guys being “more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships”, nobody’s thinking about “possible future relationships” until they meet you in person. The way it works is, guys get what they can get… NOW… and if it continues, fine. So, if dude’s about to leave town, he’s looking for something to do UNTIL he leaves town. Similar to the “not 6-feet-tall” guy, he’s not going to ruin his chance to try to get some or have a temporary girlfriend by letting you know he’s not physically available for a LTR.

Once he meets you, it’s a different story. He might feel like “this one’s a keeper” and THEN come clean about his current status and future plans. I guess I should have put ‘clean’ in quotes, because STDs are another thing guys (AND gals) don’t tend to mention on online dating sites.

Zandria: Then there are the things that just make me go “Hmm…” Like the guy who came across as really formal and straight-laced, but when I called him out on it (yes, I will call you out if it’s warranted) he assured me, “I do have a dark and twisted side.”

As far as dudes announcing that they “have a dark and twisted side”, that normally means that they don’t, but they’d be willing to make one up so as to not get rejected for being boring. Also, “dark and twisted” is relative to his own experience. I know women who think doggie-style is dark and twisted, hahahaha :D The point is that guys are going to SAY whatever they have to say in order to stay on track to hooking up with you. If they’re wackos, they’re going to say they’re not. If they’re boring, they’re going to say they’re not.

If you want to know if a guy’s “twisted” for real, look in his eyes and then ask him what he wants to do to you.

So, yeah, that’s “how we do”. Lie as much as you need to in online dating so you get a chance to run your IRL game on her. Best-case scenario, the 5’9″ broke-as-a-joke, unemotionally available, boring dude gains the physical company of a female he finds attractive for one or more evenings. Worst-case scenario, she walks out the door as soon as she sees you, because you’re not what she wanted… except that’s the same outcome as if you hadn’t lied on your application in the first place and she never chose you, so who cares?

It’s all in the game. :D

~Bill

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