Bill Cammack

Bill & Lux, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Bill Cammack & Lux Alptraum

A lot of guys are paranoid that they’re going to lose their women or that they’re going to cheat on them with the next man. Those days are over. There’s a new sheriff in town… A new menace, threatening the raps and relationships of guys across the country and throughout the entire world. This menace needs to be recognized and STOPPED IN ITS TRACKS before it’s able to take down all of human civilization….

Fellaz!!! Gather together in UNITY, against our COMMON ENEMY!!!

TECH!!! :(

Morpheus: We don’t know who struck first. Us or them. But we do know it was us that scorched the sky. At the time, they were dependent on solar power. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun……

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony…..

Now, I know you’re probably laughing and you think The Kid’s trippin’, but hold on to your hats. I have evidence! :D

I didn’t think anything of it at the time… but NINE MONTHS AGO, back in January, 2008, I was at a TweetUp and tried to take this picture:

Now… Joyce, Julia, Jesse and myself are all looking right at the camera. That would appear to indicate that the photographer had called everyone’s attention to the fact that a picture was about to be taken… But Wait A Minute!!!… Where’s LAURA looking? That’s right… at TECH. Now, in case you thought she wasn’t AWARE that a picture was being taken, look how she has that “I’m about to be in a picture” smile on her face… YET she CAIN’T tear herself away from TECH to fully engage the photographer with everyone else. :/

Like I said, I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It was just a funny aspect of one of my myriad Flickr pictures.

So fast forward six months to June, 2008. I go to a NNN / Tumblr Rock Band party, and I’m trying to talk to Michelle:

BOOM! Look at that! TECH rears its ugly head again! See the disparity? A brotha’z gettin’ his DRINK on, and a sistah’z gettin’ her TECH on! You see where this is going? This is a serious problem, guys. :(

So a couple of weeks later, still in June 2008, (even though Mike jacked up the shot, and you can’t see the TECH), I’m trying to get Lux’s attention, but nooooooooo… TECH wins AGAIN! :(

So the last straw, and where I realized this post needed to be written, was three months after that, in September, 2008. I attended TechSet, and Bryan wanted to take a picture of Chrissie & The Kid:

Photo by Bryan Thatcher

Notice how I’m already posing, the shot is already framed and the flash is mounted on the camera and working properly. Meanwhile, Chrissie’s FULL ATTENTION is on TECH, except for the motor skills she’s siphoned off to tell me something that was probably “Right after I finish Twittering…” :/

Now, to all of my friends’ credit, I have great, non-Tech-cockblocked pictures with Michelle, Lux, Laura AND Chrissie, hahaha :D Still… The problem has been REVEALED and must be ADDRESSED!

If your girl seems distant, do NOT blame the next man… blame TECH! :(
If your girl is late to meet you somewhere, BLAME TECH!
If your girl doesn’t show up AT ALL, it’s probably because TECH changed the location in her calendar application.
If your girl doesn’t answer her phone, it’s probably because TECH is redirecting *YOUR* calls to her voicemail.
Every time your girlfriend “dialed you with her ass”, that was TECH calling you up to inform you how good a time she was having WITHOUT. YOU!

Get the picture? Guys, we have GOT to band together, before it’s too late!!!

If you STILL don’t believe me… Did you notice that the next big thing is called… ANDROID?

Check these guys out! hahaha “Hi ………… Wel Come To Moun Tain View California…… I Am Spea King Here At Goo Gle’s Headquarters” hahaha

I guarantee you the android phones will steal their women, ASAP. Watch! :D

Go ahead and keep sleeping, dudes, but when it happens TO YOU… Just remember that The Kid warned you to keep your girl FAR. AWAY. FROM. TECH!

If she wants to go to Cancun with her girlfriends, no problem. If she wants to get a new Tech Gadget, *VETO* that ish WITH THA QUICKNEZZ!!! :D

~Bill

DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

So my blog, DatingGenius gets syndicated in a few places… mostly Lux & Blakeley’s Boinkology.

The other day, my blog was linked to by Alexis McKinnis, over @ vita.mn in a post called “Quick Links: Dude Edition”.

So today, I’m having a conversation with a friend where I’m discussing syndication, and I link to Alexis’ blog as an example and lo and behold, there are comments that had been made since the time I became aware of and read the post. One of those comments was from a reader of hers who calls himself “AlphaBean”, and here’s what he had to say, which pertained to my post, “Ladies: Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend”:

3) I don’t like that list. It sounds like it’s trying to be scientific, without actually delving into the psychology of men. People like manboys (AlphaBean) who can’t even say “I Love You” in private without feeling like a tool. That would be getting way too serious, wouldn’t it? But come on… if you’re not going to be serious, then at least be funny. Rachel Ray jacking off corn? A H2 Hummer stuck in a mud puddle? Hilarious. That list? Not so much.

Now… Putting aside the fact that this person clearly read my post and decided NOT to leave that comment on MY blog, but back on Alexis’… What jumped out at me was “The Psychology of Men”. I think that’s a FANTASTIC title, and it probably should have been the first post of this kind that I ever wrote. So now… Let’s talk about “The Psychology of Men”.

Ladies… Here is the male thought process……

That’s it.

Give your man what he wants, and you will remain. Deviate from the Prime Directive, and you will be replaced.

It’s that simple. There’s nothing else you need to know about guys. You can apply this Golden Rule in all situations:

He wants to have sex and you don’t… you will be replaced.
He wants to go to the club and you don’t… you will be replaced.
He wants breakfast and you don’t want to cook it… you will be replaced.
You don’t want to get out from in front of the television… you will be replaced.
He doesn’t want kids and you’re like “I’m having it anyway! :D “… you will be replaced.
You eat bon bons all day instead of going to the gym… you will be replaced.

etc etc etc ad infinitum. You are neither Spock nor McCoy nor Uhura. You do not resemble Nichelle Nichols:

You are a Redshirt. There is no guarantee that you will reprise your role in the next episode. If there are hostile forces on the planet y’all beam down to, *YOU* will be the first to go. Beleedat. :D

A redshirt is a stock character, used frequently in science fiction but also in other genres,[citation needed] whose primary purpose is to die soon after being introduced, thus demonstrating the dangerous circumstances faced by the main characters. The term originates from the science fiction television series Star Trek, in which security officers wear red shirts and are often killed on field missions under the aforementioned circumstances.[1]

Now that we’ve… delved into the psychology of men….. Let’s discuss why “AlphaBean” refers to himself as a “manboy” and “can’t even say ‘I Love You’ in private without feeling like a tool”.

By both of his statements, “AlphaBean” informs us that he’s been BRAINWASHED. I can only imagine what a “manboy” is supposed to be. It sounds like a character from “Land of the Lost”.

However, I’ll assume it’s a reference to someone whose age indicates that they’re a man, but whose behavior & mannerisms indicate that they’re a boy. *YAWN*. If that’s the case, WAKE UP, “ALPHABEAN”. There’s no blueprint to human development. You feel how you feel and that’s it. There’s no agreed-upon AGE where someone starts to feel differently than they felt before. Just because you’re 72 doesn’t mean you can’t pull 54-year-old chicks. Free your mind. Stop blaming yourself for not keeping up with the Joneses. Do You.

As far as “feeling like a tool” (whatever a “tool” is), for saying “I love you” in private… Why don’t you examine what that phrase means to you?….. Where did you learn it? What did it mean to you as a child? What did it mean to you when your parents said that to you? DID your parents say that to you? Is “I love you” merely a tool you use to get laid? Is “I love you” a term that you emotionally reserve to ONLY say to “The One”? If that’s the case, then you won’t feel comfortable saying “I love you” to a chick that you know damned well is NOT “The One”. Capisce?

On top of that, according to your profile, you live in the United States of America, which means that you will most likely be labeled a PUSSY for telling a chick you love her, even if you do, with your entire heart and soul. If it’s not that you’ll be less of a man, you might be worried that your relationship to her will change instantaneously by saying three bullshit words that anyone can say to anyone with no fear of getting struck by lightning. You’ll also be penalized by society for telling more than one chick that you love her, which is known as polyamory. You’ll also be penalized for telling a chick you love her if she’s already in a so-called relationship to someone else. The job of your Superego is to carry society’s brainwashing along with you to beat you over the head whenever you’re ready to do whatever comes naturally to you.

So, yeah… Being that I minored in Psych @ MIT (alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack), I can go on and on about “The Psychology of Men” all day and all night. That wasn’t my point, in “Ladies: Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend”, but I’m glad you brought it up! :D

Cheers! :D

DatingGenius

My friend, Bre Pettis made a TV show pilot episode called “History Hacker” which is going to air on the History Channel on Friday, September 26th at 9PM.

Read about the show on Bre’s site => [link]

I know the show’s gonna be great, because Bre’s a brainiac as well as a cool and fun guy to hang out with. He cares so much about learning and teaching that I *KNOW* he poured it all into this show. I’m excited to see it! :D

If anyone SHOULD have a show, it’s Bre! :D

Here’s a video I filmed almost exactly a year ago (August 2007) where Bre explains Handmade Music Night @ Etsy Labs for my videoblog & community site, “RealFans.TV”.

Obviously, that was done on the fly, in one take, off the top of his head, so I’m sure that throwing a production and post team behind him to make “History Hacker” is going to yield an interesting and educational show.

Congrats, Bre! :D

Bre Pettis, Bill Cammack & Lux Alptraum

Check out Bre’s site to find out more about History Hacker.

So I was kicking it with my friend Lux this evening and asked her about a topic that I could write about for the ladies, since DatingGenius has been a little player-heavy as of late, what with the Broderick / Parker shenanigans and all.

Lux Alptraum, Bill Cammack & Molly Crabapple

So Lux comes up with:

“How to figure out if the guy has a girlfriend!”

Now, that’s a great topic. :) I don’t believe I’ve ever considered this before.

The reverse scenario’s very easy. You can figure out if a gal has a boyfriend very easily, because…. she will TELL YOU! :D She might not TELL YOU tell you, but it’s infused in her speech patterns. For instance, when you ask her on Monday what SHE did last weekend, she’ll say “WE went to the beach”. Sometimes, you don’t even have to ask. Chicks’ll just THROW their boyfriend into the conversation! If you ask her what she does for fun, she might say “My boyfriend and I like to read books together“. See that? :) You didn’t ask her JACK about her relationship status, but she found a way to slip it in there anyway, hahaha.

This doesn’t work the same way with guys. If a guy’s kicking it to a chick, he’s trying to have sex with her. Period. He can’t afford to get caught slippin’, talking about “we” or “my girl” or “my kids” or “child support” or “restraining order” or NONE of that! :D So the lady in question is going to have to figure out ways to trick him out of the information he’s trying so hard not to divulge….

If he knows what he’s doing, you’re not going to be able to shake him verbally. The first thing you can try is to GET *HIS* NUMBER. A guy with a girlfriend can’t afford to give you his number. Why not? Because he can’t afford you CALLING HIM when he’s with his girl. :D He also can’t afford you calling HIS PHONE when he’s not around it and she is. He also can’t afford it if his nosey-ass girlfriend tends to check his phone messages. The guy with the girlfriend will want to get YOUR number and NOT give you his. Pull his card by suggesting a trade or having him give you his number so you can call him back from your cell phone.

Granted, the way around this is for him to have more than one phone, but that’s more hassle than most guys are going to go through just to get chicks on the side. He could also give you his work number if he feels that’s a secure line that his girl can’t check, so that’s why it’s good to call through to his cell from yours.

Make plans with him during conspicuous times of the evening. It’s easy for him to play off being an hour late coming home from work, because he was at the happy hour with you. It’s NOT easy for him to leave his house @ 8pm to come see you and then regain entry into his woman’s house. :) If he arrives several times to meet you wearing a basketball or workout outfit, you know he’s telling his woman he’s playing sports. Suggest a late dinner @ Tavern On The Green and see if he still rocks his Jordans and Puma sweats.

Show up to his job and see if the ladies in the place flash you dirty looks like you’re a homewrecker. If you manage to get inside unannounced, look around his office for any pictures laying face down or calendars half-stuffed into desk drawers.

Wear a lot of perfume. Make sure you get it all over him and see if he starts getting nervous. While you’re at it, overdo it on the lipstick, so you can leave a bunch on his shirt collar. If he doesn’t have a girl, who cares? He’ll just throw it on the laundry pile when he gets home, right? :)

Invite him out on special occasions. Thanksgiving… St Patrick’s Day… Christmas Eve… If he’s always got excuses, he’s not *YOUR* boyfriend. You might be giving him some, but you wouldn’t be sitting in the front seat if he gathered all of his women into the same car… Capisce? :D

If you’re feeling aggressive, go for the hickey, preferably on his neck and higher than where an upturned collar could conceal it. The hickey has been the player’s doom since elementary school. Word. :/ To be avoided AT.ALL.COSTS. Punches have been thrown over attempted hickeys, so you might want to just fake it. As soon as he feels too much pressure, he should FLIP OUT like Tom Cruise and completely lose his composure. By the time you’re dating him as a grown man, he’s been living in fear of the hickey for at least ten years.

NOT ONLY do hickeys get you in trouble with your current girl… When NEW CHICKS see them, they know dude’s been messing with some chick within the last couple of days and are likely to back off just when he was about to tap that. No good. :( Like I said… Only go for this if you’re feeling aggressive and you REALLY want to know what time it is. As a matter of fact, you should be able to TELL HIM you’re gonna put a hickey on his neck and see “the fear of God” well up in his eyes! HAHAHAHA :D

Sometimes, you can tell he has a girl if he’s, um… well… if he’s a Two Minute Brotha. If he’s in and out faster than ordering a burger from Jack in the Box, he’s PROBABLY not very concerned with your sexual satisfaction and saving his energy for when it counts. (Read: With His Girlfriend)

OTOH, if he’s layin’ up in the cut like as if it’s the last scene of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, you might be his best girlfriend after all! :D

Good Luck Out There! :D
DatingGenius
 
 

Lux, Bill & Molly, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Lux Alptraum, Bill Cammack & Molly Crabapple

Lux, Bill & Grace, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Lux Alptraum, Bill Cammack & Grace Piper

Lux & Molly, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Lux Alptraum & Molly Crabapple

Lux, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Lux Alptraum

Grace & Lux, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Grace Piper & Lux Alptraum