Bill surrounded by Marisa & Melinda from uncensoredinterview.com

Asians In Manhattan

Please don’t ask me what’s going on in this picture. Thank you very much. Moving right along….. :D

There are A LOT of Asians in Manhattan, NYC. However, if your “understanding” of Manhattan comes from watching television or films, you’d probably assume that there weren’t any at all.

I don’t know anything about the casting industry, but it pretty much seems that unless someone writes elements specifically attributed to Asians (and we all know what THOSE are) into a show, you’re not going to see any Asian brothaz headlining American films unless they blow up large, like Chow Yun-Fat.

I was actually expecting to see another one of my favorites, Tony Leung show up on the scene, but that’s not really the point I wanted to make.

The Map Is Not The Territory

There are lots of things about dating that you’re never told. Sometimes, this is because people are hiding information from you. Other times, it’s because they were never privy to the information themselves. There are people that want to hand out dating advice that they derived ENTIRELY from films, television and reading. There are people that want to give dating advice that have kicked it to a grand total of ONE CHICK IN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES, hooked up with her and are doing the family thing and think they have relevant information to share about doing things OTHER than that. There are people that want to tell you how to carry yourself in a bar when they don’t *GO* to bars! O_o People that want to tell you about juggling multiple chicks when they’ve NEVER DONE IT. People that want to talk about running simultaneous LTRS that have NEVER DONE IT. People that want to give you advice on pulling chicks that weren’t even interested in you when you walk in the door THAT HAVE NEVER ACHIEVED THAT!

This is why dating is like “Asians on television”. There’s so much information you DON’T HAVE, but you think you have the correct knowledge because most of the society’s agreed upon the brainwashing. You don’t see the Asians because they’re not being cast in the media. You don’t know the bar scene because you’re not in the trenches. Meanwhile, you’re trying to live into some Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales that people fed you when you were growing up and THOSE PEOPLE know damned well that THEIR LIVES DIDN’T GO THAT WAY! :D

When I was growing up, there was a card game called “OLD MAID”…… “Old Maid”? hahaha Seriously? :D They want to act like it’s an anomaly for women to remain single for their entire lives or become divorced at some point when the divorce statistics are, what? 40%-50% in America? That’s *HALF*, people.. Like Eddie Murphy’s money. HALF!.. Half of the people that even GOT married in the first place. Meanwhile, they’re steadily giving women complexes about “being alone” when they’re older, throwing them that “There’s someone for everyone” sap rap, when in reality, there’s a good chance that they won’t find anyone they’re willing to settle for and even if they do, there’s no guarantee that their relationship’s going to last until they croak.

I was sitting around with a homegirl of mine the other day, trading stories about how many kids our exes have had so far. She and I are STILL “together”, even though all of our exes are long gone. Meanwhile, someone will try to low-rate our relationship because she and I have never “dated” or been “an item”. I know who she is for me. She knows who I am for her. I don’t have a crystal ball, but I doubt that’s going to change.

Seeing & Believing

Derek, Holger, Pat & Bill

So.. Just because you don’t see the Asians doesn’t mean they’re not there. It means you don’t know where to look, they’re being omitted in the media you’re consuming or you’re deliberately being misguided.

Same thing goes for dating. To hear people tell it, it’s all sunshine & roses. Anything that deviates from that is…. well.. Deviant. :D

There’s no benefit to anyone to give you the advice that when your wife asks you why you came home late to tell her “Mind your own business” as well as potentially “I get here when I get here”.

There’s no benefit to telling you that the gal he introduced you to as his cousin ISN’T his cousin…

There’s no benefit to telling you that if you don’t keep your wife satisfied in the bedroom, someone else is going to hannle yo bidnezz FOR YOU. O_o

So what you need to do is take advantage of blogs, etc to OPEN your mind instead of CLOSING it. You can be wary without being suspicious. Recognizing that someone MIGHT do something doesn’t mean that they WILL do that or DID do that. What it does for you is puts you in a better mental position should the unthinkable occur. If you only focus on the potential POSITIVE of a relationship, you won’t be ready for the potential NEGATIVE and might not be able to respond to it until it’s too late. It’s too late to figure out on the fly what you’re going to do when you find out someone cheated on you. It’s too late to figure out what you’re going to say or do when a chick tells you she’s pregnant. It’s too late to figure it out when someone says it’s over.

Just because someone shows you a picture, don’t assume it’s the WHOLE picture, capisce? :) There’s lots of incentive to only tell you PART of the story.. as in “The part of the story that benefits the storyteller”. Don’t assume Asians can’t act because you don’t see any Asian actors. I’m not even going to get into how they elected to cast the movie “21″… People used to think blacks couldn’t QB because they only used to hire white quarterbacks for the NFL and you saw what happened to THAT.

So don’t get caught slippin’, listening to people that have never been in the trenches telling you about dating in particular or relating to people in general. Seek out alternate sources of information, much of which you might not even want to hear, if you want to have a proper grasp on The Game.

Ignorance Is Bliss……… Maybe

I stumbled onto some pictures the other day of a close homeboy of mine and this chick I had wanted to kick it to at the time. I had a conversation with him back in the day about her and he asked me specific questions that I remember chalking up to his uncanny natural wisdom about chicks from having so much experience with them. Looking at the pictures years later, I clearly recognize that she’s way too friendly with him in them for the level of interaction that I was privy to them having and thinking back to who he was and what our relationship was at the time, he most likely hit it and didn’t tell me he did.

I find that concept funny, interesting and tactically correct. I wouldn’t have appreciated it at the time if he had told me he had hooked up with her because he knew how interested in her I was and it was basically a violation of “the code”. It was better for all of us for him to do his thing and enjoy her and keep it under the hat. I’m not in contact with either of them at this point, so it’s all water under the bridge, but the point is that I related to them AS IF they didn’t mess with each other because that was my perception of the situation. I see now how my perception could have been 100% incorrect and I would have been better off if I could have opened my mind to the possibility of them hooking up instead of shutting that idea out because I didn’t want to think about it and would have felt betrayed. I would have preferred the bliss of ignorance to the potential belief that my rap was undermined by a close friend.

Unfortunately….. Sometimes, it’s good to feel betrayed……….. Because you actually WERE! :D

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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My homegirl Gaby, whom I’ve known for years, remarked one day about my photo sets that she was glad to finally have seen the same girl twice in my pictures, hahaha :D

Until she said that, I really hadn’t thought about it. My life is basically spur of the moment. I never have the same day twice in a row unless I’m working for the same client two days in a row, which STILL isn’t the same day, because the video is closer to completion and in a different state today than it was yesterday. To me, it counts as the same day, because I know where I’m going and what I’m going to do before I wake up that day. Yuck. :/

Similarly, I don’t know what chick(s) I want to spend time with until I feel like spending time with them. It’s a craving, like how pregnant chicks want pickles in their ice cream. :D (Is that actually true? I think I saw that on The Flintstones one time? haha). This causes scheduling conflicts because I can’t make plans a week in advance to spend time with a gal because I don’t know if I’m going to crave her when that particular day comes around. If I’m not feelin’ her that day and I spend time with her anyway, I can’t bring my A-game to the table and honestly don’t even really care about spending time with her.

Another issue is that the only women you’re going to see me in pictures with are the ones that are involved with Social Media. It’s one thing to spend time together and a completely different thing to broadcast to the world that you’re spending time with someone. There are business-based reasons to not broadcast one’s social life and personal and social reasons to not broadcast one’s social life. Time that I spend with someone isn’t just MY business, it’s HER business as well, so even if I’d personally like to broadcast “HEY! Check me out with this chick! :D”, I’m not authorized to or interested in putting her business in the streets, so I don’t.

Too Many Women

This is New York City. You basically never see the same chick twice, unless y’all have similar travel patterns or you happen to live on the same block or work in the same building. If you live here, try it out for yourself. All this week, when you get on the train at the same time to arrive at your job at the same time every single day, look around the subway car and make a mental note of the women in the car. You can even get in the exact same CAR if you like! :D Make the same notes for the next four days of the week and you’ll notice that it’s never the same gals. Never.

Live like this long enough, and you’ll develop a “There are always more chicks just like this one” mentality. I’m not saying that’s a good thing. I’m saying that it flavors your vision and perception. Lots of guys focus the hell out of pulling ONE chick or impressing ONE chick when it’s much easier here to meet a different chick with the exact same look as the one you’re trying to impress, except she likes you more than the original one did.

My friend Corinne hilariously labeled me as “not really that selective” (hahahaha Which I’m *STILL* getting laughs off of to this day, like a full month later!), but it’s not an issue of not being selective. It’s an issue of finding the EXACT. SAME. QUALITIES in myriad females so selecting between them is just as impossible as selecting which bottle of Evian water tastes better than another bottle of Evian water. You might be able to differentiate between Poland Spring and Evian and you might even have a preference, like you’ll always select Poland Spring if you have a choice, but, sorry. Water is Water. They didn’t put different water into the different Evian bottles. They put a percentage of the exact. same. water. into each bottle.

The only actual difference between equally attractive women is their personalities.

Sometimes you want to hang out with the down-to-earth asexual chick that you know you’re going to have a pleasant evening and excellent conversations with. Sometimes you want to hang out with the alcoholic sex-addict who couldn’t come up with an interesting topic of conversation to save her life. Sometimes, you want to hang out with the world-traveler with the fantastic accent so you can listen to stories about places you never intend to visit in your entire life. Sometimes, you want to hang out with the lesbian that’s going to chase chicks harder than you do while you’re out at the bar. Sometimes you want to hang out with the artsy chick whose views are diametrically opposed to yours, but you really enjoy fighting with her and only love and cherish her MORE after your battles.

Living in a city with literally millions of women, not counting tourists that visit here every single day (and you KNOW how chicks DO when they’re on VACATION!!! ;) hehe) reduces your tolerance for corny behavior to ZERO. Hold the door for a chick and she doesn’t say “Thank You”?.. Instant write-off. She’s a Cro-Mag. Can’t be bothered. Always flakes out on hangouts? Write-off. Never there for you when you have a bad day? Write-off. Likes to use you for Social Media contacts? Write-off.

You don’t have this luxury in the sticks, because there are only a few women to choose from, so you have to basically select the lesser of the evils. You have to select the most attractive chick with the least amount of traits that you absolutely, completely detest and then live with those traits and hope beyond hope that she doesn’t pass those off to your kids with her… HOPEFULLY *YOUR* kids! HAHAHA :D

Running Dogs

This is why I liken myself and the few like me to Running Dogs. If you happen to be there when we mosse through, you’ll probably get to enjoy the show.. We’re not stopping, though. You couldn’t stop us if you tried. Attempting to do so is dangerous.. for YOU.. emotionally… We’re on an entirely different level. We’re seeing what you’re not seeing and reacting to what you don’t even realize is reality. We’re always on our way through to somewhere else and something else to do, see and be a part of. If there’s something extraordinary about you, you’ll probably get an invite to roll with, or at least meet up with us somewhere in the future along our random travels.

It’s an addiction.. An addiction to desire fulfillment. It’s the same thing that drove Genghis Khan to keep conquering lands after he was already well accomplished, feared and respected. It’s the same thing that drives businesspeople to keep working and creating companies after they’ve already amassed more wealth than they’re ever going to spend in their entire lifetimes. It’s the rush. It’s the thrill of the hunt. It’s being in play, in the game. Striving for what you want right now is better than settling for what you were offered yesterday. Most of the time, you end up empty-handed. Some of the time, you come off with STELLAR days and evenings that make it all worthwhile and gear you up for the next quest/conquest.

This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I hope I never forget a conversation I had with a friend of mine outside a local bar, where he told me (pardon my French, ladies) “I’m tired of hoes”. When he said it, I laughed my ass off until I realized that he was completely serious. The Game ceases to be fun if you lose the ability to appreciate women throwing sex at you because you look good and/or you have money and/or you’re popular. Sometimes, a guy wants to actually build something with a gal or start a family. You can’t do that with groupies. They’re just as much on the hunt as you are. They’re in it for the thrill of being with you like you’re in it for the thrill of being with them. No more, no less. They don’t care about you any more than you care about them. You can’t trust them any more than they can trust you.

It’s an environment conducive to producing alliances between rogue freelancers. You’re like a bunch of mercenaries that are all drinking and eating together because you’ve all been paid for by the king’s gold to work together towards a common goal. You don’t have to like each other or respect each other. You just have to do your part, have your fun and collect your payment at the end… Assuming you’re still alive. :D

Don’t Try This At Home

This is why you probably can’t actually use ANY of my dating advice haha, there isn’t much likelihood that you and I are playing the same game.

I can do and say anything I want, because there are always more chicks. You have to be afraid of losing the one chick you have that you worked so hard to get and that you feel would be incredibly difficult if not impossible to replace.

Also, maybe you already found that one chick that floats your boat entirely, in which case, I’m very happy for you and more power TO y’all! :D It’s an incredibly excellent feeling to be a part of a greatly cohesive unit. It’s a great feeling to want to hang out with the same chick every single day. I’m not knocking that lifestyle, just trying to explain mine.

I live daily on borrowed time.. Not borrowed from myself, but borrowed from other people. I’m that guy in between relationships. I’m that vacation from their daily lives. Nobody LIVES at Disney World, you’ll notice. They get their kicks and go away. Mickey Mouse doesn’t hang out with the same people every day and neither do I.

Like I said, it’s not for the faint of heart. Some people crave stability. Some people crave reliability and reliable redundancy. Some people just don’t have the energy to hit the streets and see what they can do tonight. Some people don’t have the insane amounts of turnover that we have here in Manhattan, NYC, USA where we can go to three different bars within 200 feet of each other, meet 20 people we’ve never seen before in our lives and then do the same thing again tomorrow night.

Is it emotionally healthy? Probably not. We get what we get when and where we get it. Better that than being bored to death or spending time with someone when we really aren’t feelin’ them. I can’t possibly count how many gals I should probably have married that I let slide so they could go do that stuff with someone who actually cares… or who’s willing to pretend that they care. Fortunately for me, I almost never feel lonely, yet I’m constantly battling boredom. I’d rather be in the game.. In the hunt.. Running…

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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I was watching a documentary last night about ultra-legendary actor Morgan Freeman offering to pay for a high school in Mississippi to have its first ever INTEGRATED. PROM. in the Year of Our Lord 2008 AD!!! :/. The thing that struck me as the most interesting (and, granted, as an editor, I know that I can make footage look like anything I want it to) was that the kids seemed okay with each other during regular everyday interactions. It wasn’t like the white kids and the black kids (according to the edit) disliked each other and were being forced to have an integrated prom… in 2008 AD.

When asked why they were still having segregated proms although the school had been integrated since IIRC 1970….. hmm.. They were pretty late to the table with THAT to begin with! :D But the point is that when asked, everyone in the video pointed the finger at parents and school board members (read: still more old-ass people).

When the old-ass people were interviewed, they either shrugged their shoulders like “I don’t know why” or said something to the effect of “That’s how it’s always been” like as if they’re still watching 13″ Black & White Televisions because that’s what they had when they grew up. :/ I’ll give the interviewees PROPS for getting on screen and talking AT ALL. Cheers to them for making their ideas known and expressing themselves. :) Seriously. There was one guy that was younger who was willing to talk to the camera, but he needed to be blurred out. They probably didn’t even use his voice.

This one father was explaining why he didn’t want his white daughter to date a black dude, and I couldn’t believe he was still rocking the ancient excuse “She doesn’t realize how tough it’s going to be on the kids!”. The question is.. WHY would it be “tough on the kids” if they were bi-racial or mulatto or whatever they’re calling themselves these days? I’ll tell you why….. Because there are way too many people in other people’s business in a town with only 2,100 RESIDENTS!!! (IIRC). 2,100 RESIDENTS!!!… My High School had 3,000 kids in it, ONLY attending 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th grades. My island (Manhattan, New York City) has A MILLION PEOPLE ON IT. If something’s “tough on the kids” on 54th street.. Guess what? You hang out on 55th street. Or 53rd street. Or in Queens or Brooklyn or The Bronx or Staten Island or take the Path train to Jersey…

Meet The Parents

In “Do You Have Relationship Role Models?”, Liz Rizzo writes:

“But it is also a little strange to never be around people’s parents ever. To never have those relationships to look to as potential examples you can learn from. That’s what I think of when I think of South Florida. That back where I’m from there are so many people who regularly see their parents and their friends’ parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles.”

When I read that, I really had to think about it… Other than girls who I dated that actually lived ~1/4 mile in any direction from my house, the last time I met kids’ parents was in Elementary School when we had sleepovers. Most of the kids that I knew had parents that both had jobs, so if we went to their houses, they were never there. By the time they arrived, I was already back at my house eating dinner. As far as the local mothers & fathers, the only reason they knew I was spending time with their daughters was because I would still be there when they arrived. That was always a conscious decision that I made. I could have remained in Ghost Mode and they would never have seen me with their daughters, evAr, even though they lived three blocks from my house. I’ve messed with chicks while their parents were in the same house with us but on different floors and they never even knew I LIKED their daughters. The concept of introducing myself to a chick’s parents as a potential suitor is mentally akin for me to actually putting on a suit of armor, picking up a lance, getting on a horse and jousting. It just never crosses my mind.

There’s no such thing in NYC as “Pick a chick up from her house” or “Sit down with her parents and chat”… For What? :D Nobody cares about their opinion anyway. Whatever they say to you, you tell them what they want to hear and then go ahead and do whatever you were going to do with their daughter in the first place. It’s irrelevant and a waste of time. However….. If you live in a town with 2,100 residents, everybody’s going to know if you’re kickin’ it with someone’s daughter SOONER rather than LATER so your best bet is to get dressed up and step to the parents, hoping they approve of y’all’s relationship. Someone that knows her family works at the diner. Cain’t go there! Someone works at the baseball field. Cain’t go there! Someone works at the drive-in theatre. Cain’t go there! Even if you don’t go ANYWHERE with a chick, SOMEBODY’S going to recognize her car in your part of town even if you hide it in your garage while she’s there, so you may as well forget about keeping it on the QT.

Urban Nomads

Photo Credit: J-Rad

When I was growing up, we were basically nomads. We were just about always in the street, “hanging out”. New York City has an extensive mass transit system and when we were in school, we had bus passes and train passes, meaning we could go anywhere we wanted for free. The trains never stopped running, either. Many-A-Time, post-HS, I waited for the subway to come and get me @ 5am to take me home from a club.

Where would we meet chicks? In the street. Other than that, one guy would have met one gal previously and invited her to bring her girlfriends to hang out with us. Basically, we kept it moving and got whatever the day brought us. Similar to Genghis Khan, we would roll somewhere, set up camp, enjoy whatever the locality had for us and then eventually retreat back around the way and do it all again tomorrow. There’s no reason to go to a chick’s house, because you met her in the street. She obviously knows how to get outside of her crib and travel places. There’s no reason to hang out with her within her neighborhood, where people are likely to recognize her and get in your business. In Manhattan, there are some blocks with three CROWDED bars within 50 steps of each other, with several areas in each bar. It’s easy to disappear INSIDE OF A BAR with a chick by ‘hiding’ amongst people that you don’t know. Worst-case scenario, if the bathroom has a lock on it, it’s ON! ;)

It’s not so much that people aren’t TRYING to be in our business here.. It’s that they CAN’T! :D There are too many places to be, too many ways to get around and too many ways to communicate. Your daughter’s sitting down eating with you, her phone vibrates, she reads the text and floats out the door and your information after that is ZERO. If you think you’re slick by being nosey and going through her phone, you probably won’t get Rihanna’d up, but the guy’s phone number is going to have a girl’s name on it and there won’t be any valuable information in the text stream, so your snooping won’t get you anywhere. Even if you somehow find out where she’s going, you’re not going to embarrass yourself by coming inside. :) Next thing you know, she takes two steps out of the bar, flags a taxi and is gone to who-knows-where again. That’s life in the big city. Your best bet is to have a friendly relationship to your kids so they trust you with information rather than evading you, which is insanely easy to do.

All Day… And All Of The Night

The guy in the film who was attempting to keep his daughter from her boyfriend placed a curfew on her to come right home after school, IIRC. That’s a good idea, however, how long do you think it takes to spend time with your daughter? Last I understood about American schools, they get something called lunchtime, which could be anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. You think she’s not SAVORING EVERY MINUTE she has with this guy, since you’re restricting her the rest of the time? Also, last I checked, kids went to school starting around 8:30 and ended school around 3:30, which is seven hours that you have no Line Of Sight on your daughter whatsoever. Between classes they might share together, study halls, absent teachers and deliberately cutting class together, they’re probably spending MORE TIME with each other during school hours than they would have spent AFTER school, meaning he probably wouldn’t see her so much during the daytime if he knew he was going to hang out with her in the evening, so it balances out anyway.

Oh.. Also… I hope you don’t have a job. Here in NYC, most kids get out of school either @ 2:30 or 3:30 and their parents don’t get off of their 9-5s until..… you guessed it!!! FIVE! :D That’s a scot-free hour and a half every single day in your own crib right under your nose. So if you think you’re slick by grounding her and calling home at 4pm to make sure she’s there, listen carefully for sneezing, dishes clinking or male laughter in the background. Also.. The second you get off the phone with her, assume she did anything she wanted inside or outside of your crib until mass transit can bring you into potential visual contact with your house… because she DID.

Once again, as a parent, it’s going to be imperative for you to be the ruler, yes.. but also someone that your kid LIKES and TRUSTS and doesn’t see as some kind of warden that’s to be avoided and evaded at all costs. If you live in the sticks, you can get away with attempting to lock down her time because the pharmacist is going to let you know when they saw your daughter and so is the gym teacher and the assistant principal and the gas station general store owner. In a big city, it doesn’t work like that. There’s nowhere that we HAVE to go, so we COULD be anywhere. I’ve personally received texts and changed my plans for the day in a split second because something better came up, so even if you require an explanation of where she’s going, it’s useless as soon as she walks out the door. Until they come up with portable video telephones, when you call your daughter and she tells you she’s @ Suzy Mae’s house, you have no choice but to believe her.

Your Mom’s In My Business

Ultimately, I wish the parents luck in achieving their goals in life, regardless of how unrealistic they might be. I wish for them authentic, healthy relationships with their kids. It’s going to take INTELLIGENCE to achieve that, not sanctions and embargoes and curfews and taking away phones and throwing out her clothes that you think make her look like a slut.

Her “slutty clothes” and her other kinky paraphernalia are stashed at her girlfriend’s house, or, even more disappointing to you, at her boyfriend’s house! ;)

You can’t stop the bum rush. If your daughter sees something she likes, she’s gonna come after it. If you try to stop her, it’s only going to make her feel more ravenous for what you don’t want her to have and she’s going to maximize the time she DOES get with this guy… Capisce? :D Make it clear to her what you feel and what your values are and what you’re hoping for her future and if y’all have a decent relationship to each other, she MIGHT keep your desires in mind when she’s in the streets doing whatever she wants to do.

As far as people that are still dating.. It’s tough enough to avoid your FRIENDS getting in your business about who you should or shouldn’t date and why. It’s tougher to have to deal with your parents putting in their two cents about the situation. It’s toughEST to have to deal with your parents not wanting you to date someone so that YOUR PARENTS don’t have to get grilled by THEIR FRIENDS about why they’re “letting” you date that person. They’re not worried in. the. least. for YOU or your mulatto kids. They’re worried about THEMSELVES and their social standing in a community that’s still trying to relive the past. If they were worried about YOU, they’d want you to date someone that puts a smile on your face and returns you home safely to your crib every. single. night. They’d ask you if he treats you respectfully and seems proud to spend time with you and let people know that you’re his girlfriend.

If you live in the sticks, you might have to eat it for a while until you can get a job and get your own place so you can stop hearing “As long as you’re under MY roof, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah”. Hopefully, by the time you get out from under the oppression, you still have a LOVING feeling towards your parents. Sometimes, they’re right. Sometimes, you’re dating a CRUMB and you don’t recognize it because you feel so in love with this guy right now… The way to tell if they’re being selfish is to ask yourself “What does that have to do with ME?”. “It’ll be hard on the kids”? What kids? What if you don’t HAVE kids with him? Does that make the relationship cool? Nope. There’s something else. You won’t be able to get a job. You won’t win the town beauty pageant. Your teachers will give you lower grades if you date him. I’ll disown you. I’ll kick you out of our home. I’ll give away your trust fund to the church. It’s always SOMETHING! :D

Good Luck With That! ;)

~Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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