Who’s The Man?

Formats available: Mobile Video (.mp4)

“Who’s The Man?”
Brett Petersel @brett
Brian Solis @briansolis
Jolie O’Dell @jolieodell
Oz Sultan @ozsultan
Courtenay Bird @courtenaybird
Damien Basile @db
Stephanie Agresta @stephagresta
Chris McCaffrey @chrismccaffrey
Michelle Chaffee @michellebythec
Bill Cammack @billcammack
New York City, NY, USA

Disposable Pleasures vs Meaningful Pursuits

Last week, I was discussing the dating scene in New York City with my friend Ilana Arazie does a fun and interesting video blog about dating called “Downtown Diaries”.

I realized after that conversation that I haven’t gone far enough in-depth with my “numbers” theory… about the difference that it makes for a guy to be surrounded by literally MILLIONS of women vs living in the sticks, where you don’t have a lot of women to begin with, they get married earlier, stay married and nobody wants to move there for business opportunities or visit there as a tourist.

This exchange from a James Bond movie reminded me of the clarification that I wanted to make:

Vesper Lynd: Now… Having just met you, I wouldn’t go as far as calling you a cold-hearted bastard
James Bond: No… Of course not…
Vesper Lynd: But it wouldn’t be a stretch to imagine.. You see women as disposable pleasures rather than meaningful pursuits.
~Casino Royale

Now, I’m not comparing The Kid to James Bond AT.ALL, but I felt that line was pertinent because I’ve said stuff like “Women have no leverage in this town, because they’re expendable merely by available numbers”. Without context, that can appear to be a “use it and lose it”, “hit it and quit it” or “love ’em & leave ’em” type statement as opposed to an honest explanation of why tactics that work for women in other parts of the country don’t work here.

The point I really wanted to make (except it’s so OBVIOUS to me that I couldn’t grasp it to express it in print) is that here in New York City, instead of trying to CHANGE A WOMAN, it’s much easier to CHANGE WOMEN. πŸ˜€ Just switch. If you detect an incompatibility, stop spending time with that chick and get a new one to fill her slot. Or, if you were already “dating” several chicks, distribute her time amongst the rest of them. This is why women don’t have any leverage. There are too many lonely women wandering aimlessly around this town with nothing to do with their lives except go to work. They’re just as attractive as you are. Just as intelligent as you are. Make the same amount of money that you do. Dress as well as you do. They’re just as sexy & sensual as you are….. BUT! πŸ˜€ …

You think you should date for a bunch of weeks before messing with a guy and she’s down with it right now
You want to get engaged or married and she doesn’t care or at least doesn’t bring it up
You want him to get a job and she’s willing to feed him and buy him clothes
You don’t want to cook, and she enjoys cooking for her man
You want him to come to the opera with you and she likes sitting with him watching football on Sundays

So that’s the problem for women in NYC. There’s no reason to barter with you. No reason to compromise with you. No reason to succumb to sexual embargo tactics. No reason to “escalate” any form of relationship with you. New York City attracts the top women in the world for career, business or tourism. You’re not surrounded by a bunch of lesser women, like if you were the valedictorian in the sticks. If your “relationship” hits an impasse, it’s easier to drop it and get a new chick than to “work it out”.

Meanwhile, the exact same thing is going on for women with men. There are so many men in NYC that there’s no reason for a woman to commit to one that she doesn’t think is really GREAT for her. This naturally leads to women being single more often than they’re “in a relationship” because they’re busy being choosy. Even the ones who claim to be “seeing someone” are only in the stages of DECIDING whether they want to stay with that guy. Well… that, or she was LYING so you’d stop trying to get some from her. πŸ˜€

The reason this doesn’t work out evenly is that men and women don’t date evenly. Women like to date guys better than them, while guys like to date women they’re attracted to. When was the last time you heard a guy say “She’s really HOT, but she doesn’t make enough money for me to date her”? That’s right. Never. Meanwhile, the women who came to NYC to make moves and build careers and have “the finer things in life” are looking for guys on their level or better. How many male executives date secretaries levels below them? Like he’s the boss of the boss of HER boss? When was the last time you heard of a female executive “dating down”? That’s right. Never. If you do, it’s a big scandal hahaha πŸ˜€ So, the better a woman does for herself, if she follows what society tells her to do, the smaller her potential dating pool is. Meanwhile, the better a GUY does for himself, the LARGER his potential dating pool is.

Because there’s so much choice on both sides, women tend to have a lot of BRIEF relationships in NYC. Now they’re dating someone, now they’re single. Poof. Just like that. Every day, someone’s updating their Facebook status to single or “it’s complicated” or “in a relationship”. That means that every day, the playing field changes. Women that were formerly “unavailable” have now become available. Women that were previously “spoken for” are now free agents. This happens all the time. There’s no reason to believe that because a chick’s dating someone right now, they won’t be back in the dating population a few months from now.

This is why New York City is the quintessential smorgasbord when it comes to women. There are more women of all different sizes, shapes, types, colors, backgrounds, religions, ideologies, whatever than a guy can possibly process in a single day… Meaning you meet women here faster than you can determine that the woman you met just before isn’t the best one for you. This has nothing to do with lack of discipline or morals and has everything to do with abundance of opportunity and selection. It has nothing to do with being greedy or wanting to try out every attractive woman in sight and has everything to do with the fact that as fantastic as a woman might be, there’s another woman on the next block or in the next neighborhood or office building that’s JUST AS FANTASTIC, but WITHOUT the character flaw that a guy would either have to live with or fix if he were dating the same woman in the sticks.

Actually, the best advice I have for women trying to corral a guy in NYC is to make sure they’re dating someone that’s not FROM NYC. πŸ˜€ Just because a guy lives here now doesn’t mean that this culture of opportunity’s permeated his thought processes yet. Find a guy that just moved here and get in good with him before he realizes where he is! πŸ˜€

Are there a bunch of guys that see women as disposable pleasures? Sure. But that’s completely different from knowing a bunch of fantastic women and having no reason to choose between any of them. It looks the same, but the former is the state of being disconnected and a user while the latter is having highly-valued connections with worthwhile women and the self-awareness that the only way you would choose ONE of them… is if you were willing to trade in ALL the rest of them…

~Bill

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Do Women Outnumber Men in NYC?

Reader “Ford” left a comment on my “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating” and pointed out an interesting article by Jonathan Soma which talks about why there aren’t really 210,820 more single women than men in NYC.

I think Jonathan’s interactive map is fascinating and his article is well-written. I’d like to talk about a few of the points he makes.

oh… This isn’t going to be funny. This is going to be technical. If you’re looking for your daily email simpleton joke, click the “back” button on your browser, now. πŸ˜€

JS: Take those 210k ladies and spread them over the entire NYC-New Jersey-Nothern PA area and what’ve you got? Answer: not that much! Your odds of meeting a single woman in the general population is 10% better in Ashville, NC.

This may or may not be true. I have no actual opinion, because I’ve never been to Ashville, NC. I’ve been to quite a few hic towns, though, and you’re much better off having way more women spread out over a vast area than a few women concentrated in a bumpkin area. ( lol, for all I know, Ashville, NC is a sprawling metropolis, hahaha πŸ˜€ )

The reason for this is “flow”. In NYC, all the women that are spread out all over creation have to come to certain places to do certain things. Because of this, all you have to do is go to a popular shopping area or a section of town that employs a lot of attractive women, and they bring themselves to you. You actually end up with more women and a better variety in the same amount of space. This is why construction workers have a field day with catcalling in this town.

Another reason is “turnover”. There are always new chicks in this town. If you exhaust the number of chicks in one area, you start hanging out in a different area. If you hang out in Times Square, there are tons of new foreign tourists every day as well as bumpkins imported from all over the USA to come see The Capital Of The World, NYC. πŸ˜€

Another reason is that New Yorkers WALK… A LOT! People that live in the country DRIVE a lot, so while they’re technically in a smaller area than what we have here, they NEVER meet each other… only passing by each other like the proverbial “ships in the night”.

So I’ll take a bunch of chicks scattered around… There’s another problem with “the sticks”. People tend to know each other. If you date like eight chicks, you can’t get away from them, because they never move from that town and they work at the general store where you have to go to buy your gasoline. In NYC, you get to start over every single night. Every night, you meet someone new and potentially exciting that you’d like to get to know more about or spend some fun times with. You don’t even have to THINK about chicks you met yesterday or last week, because there are always more for today and tomorrow. That’s one of the reasons I have the luxury of writing this blog. It doesn’t matter. No matter how many women read DatingGenius and sit there thinking “Ewwwww… I would NEVER date HIM!!! πŸ™ “, it doesn’t matter. There are always more chicks that have never heard of me, so I can do whatever I want. πŸ˜€

JS: I’m going to be honest, I’m not too into dating someone 40 years older than me. Overly selective, I know, but a common enough thought that we come to the second problem with the original map: It counted all singles between the ages of 20-64.

hehehehehe Yes, this is a TREMENDOUS flaw! πŸ˜€ Totally agreed that a “map of singles” should make a range available to the viewer that’s relevant to that viewer’s dating tastes.

Having said that, let’s not discount the older sistaz that are keepin’ it PROPPAH and still having the fellaz tryinna TAP THAT! πŸ˜€ Guys like to talk a lot of yang about older women they wouldn’t kick it with, but when they meet one that’s still pretty and in tremendous physical shape… OH, and with a nice personality, intelligence & common sense!!! (winks at Grace, Jen & Annie πŸ˜‰ ) … All that “thinking” seems to go out the window, doesn’t it?

JS: Ladies: After your mid 40’s, you will be fighting tooth and nail for the nine or ten single men.

Gents: Single men become a rare commodity later in life, and we all know what happens then. They don’t call it Perfectly Inelastic Supply for nothing!

I think it was Rodney Dangerfield who said “I love college women. I keep getting older, they stay the same age! πŸ˜€ “. This is one of the problems for women. Guys in general like younger women, so the older a guy gets, the more women he finds acceptable to date or screw or whatever. The older a woman gets, the FEWER options she has as far as companionship.

Again, however, age isn’t the most important factor here. A chick could be 23, and if she falls off, physically, she’s going to have way fewer suitors than she did when she was HAWT.

JS: Gals: Do single young girls exist? Not according to math! Fact: around 1/3 of 20-24 year old women are married. Only 70% are single!

This doesn’t really matter. The word “single” just implies “available for sex”. This means that the survey is only going to show the number of women who DECLARED themselves available for sex. Just because a chick has a boyfriend or is married doesn’t mean she’s not gonna give it up, so the number of females OVERALL in an area is more important than the number who were willing to declare themselves “single” for a survey.

This is another reason why it’s better to be in NYC than in the sticks. More women = More opportunity. Period.

JS: The switchover from extra men to extra women starts at 35-39 for most big East Coast cities, but doesn’t hit New York until 40-44.

This is a very interesting statistic. I can see how the “singles map” would be misleading if it were heavily weighted with “singles” between 40 and 62 years of age. So, yes, overall, very interesting breakdown of the singles map, and “nice job”, Jonathan Soma. πŸ˜€

Now… Let’s talk about reality

The fact of the matter is that numbers or no numbers, whether there are 210,820 extra single females or 15 extra single females, if you’re in the trenches and on the streets of NYC, you will see with your own eyes that there are literally PACKS of women roaming the streets with NO MEN and nothing to do with their lives other than work, shop and eat.

Go to the stores, and who’s working there? Women. Go to the colleges, and who’s studying there? Women. Walk down the street, Hang out in the Park, Get on the subway or bus, Go to Brooklyn where the hippies live…. Anywhere you go, there are just TONS of women. You literally can’t throw a rock in NYC without hitting a chick. πŸ˜€

Women have no leverage in this town, because they’re expendable merely by available numbers. I took a walk this morning and passed an attractive female and told her “good morning”. She returned a begrudging “good morning” and we both went about our business. I may see her again in life and I may not. Does it matter? No. Why not? Because there are another thousand of her roaming around this town somewhere. She wasn’t unique in her attractiveness and I didn’t know anything about her as a person, so nobody cares.

This is why my “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating” is relevant regardless of the validity of that map I linked to. It’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE for a woman here to distinguish herself as unique in the normal ways that women get men all over the country and the world. There’s a girl on the next block who’s prettier than you. There’s a girl on the next block that has a better ass than you. There’s a girl on the next block that has fewer kids than you. There’s a girl on the next block that makes more money than you or dresses better than you or is better at sex than you etc etc etc.

The only way a woman’s going to stand out amongst the myriad attractive female residents of and visitors to this town is going to be by her stellar personality, so, my advice to women stands:

1) Be a nice person
2) Have interesting things to say
3) Eat when you go out to a restaurant
4) Be athletic
5) LOOK GOOD!

Thanks for the comment and the information about that post, “Ford”. Cheers! πŸ˜€

~Bill

DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
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Golf Girl TV: Randall’s Island Golf Center

Here’s the first video from my latest project, Golf Girl TV.


Formats Available: iPod (.mp4)
Website: Golf Girl TV
Host: Patricia Hannigan
Producer/Editor/Camera: Bill Cammack
Coordinators/Production Assistants/Extras: Sam Stahl & Ryan Chambers for blip.tv
Sponsor: Puma Golf

 

New York City



SNV36831cc.jpg, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

This is how we’re livin’.

Beledat! πŸ˜€

New York City skyline w/ Empire State Building & New Yorker Hotel.

Threadbanger.com: How-to Make a Bikini Cover-up

Oh Man! hahaha I had to repost this! πŸ˜€

Rob & Corinne, the Dynamic Duo of Threadbanger.com show you how to make a DiY Bikini Cover-up.

Intro film features Lindsey, Jared & Michelle

Corinne, Rob, Jared, Justin & Marissa
Corinne, Rob, Jared, Justin & Marissa

Permalink: How-to Make a Bikini Cover-up for Summer, Thread Heads