I was in Brooklyn Friday night. That means that I wasn’t in, say.. Zimbabwe, Africa.

If someone hires Gloria Allred to say “Bill Cammack was in Zimbabwe Friday night! :O”, I’ll probably ignore it completely.

If I elect to speak on it, I’m going to say “No.. In fact, I was not in Zimbabwe Friday night.”, and that’s going to be the end of it.

The truth of the matter is my “defense”. I don’t have to get personal about it.

I don’t have to say “THAT ***** IS A LYING-ASS *****!!! :O” and talk about her finances, her relationship status, or anything else about the accuser.

I don’t have to make elaborate gestures, like producing passports that aren’t stamped “Zimbabwe”.

I don’t have to hire Africans to say that they’ve never seen me in Africa in their entire lives.

I don’t have to do anything, in fact, because I wasn’t *in* Zimbabwe, and for someone to say that I was, it’s a waste of their time.

So, The proper reply to “Bill was in Zimbabwe” is “No, I was not”.

The *IMPROPER* reply to “You were in Zimbabwe” is “You can’t PROVE that I was in Zimbabwe! :O”

Does that make sense?

OBVIOUSLY, there’s no proof that I was in Zimbabwe, because I’ve never been to Africa AT ALL in my entire life.

I’ve barely even watched television shows about Africa.

Why would I bring up the fact that you can’t prove something that I know you can’t prove, because it never happened? o_O

Why would I say “The chick that says I was in Zimbabwe last night is broke and can’t pay her bills”?

Why would I say “The chick that says I was in Zimbabwe last night filed sexual harassment charges at her other job, too”?

Why would I ask a reporter “Have *YOU* ever been accused of being in Zimbabwe? o_O”?

These are things that you say when there’s actually A POSSIBILITY that the story is true.”

So, if you’re going to call a press conference and mention things that people claim you said or did, all you have to do is call them “False Allegations”. If you also call them “Unproven Allegations”, you’re leaving the door open that they MIGHT have been proven, if, say.. there weren’t legally-binding restrictions on the women telling their side of the story to the press, or if you know that the last time you tapped your side-piece’s ass was several months ago and she’s not currently pregnant, so there’s no proof that you ever hit it during your 13-year, extramarital friendship with her.

As a bonus tip.. It doesn’t matter who snitched on you.

If people believe you were in Zimbabwe, accusing a competitor of spreading the rumor isn’t going to make your denial any more credible.

So.. Again.. The way to deny allegations is to deny them.

Just say it isn’t true and keep steppin’.

If you keep yammering about proof and snitches and conspiracies, you appear unnecessarily defensive, which makes you look MORE GUILTY, not less.
–
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Back once again to save your day (or, your entire dating career, for that matter), Lindz & Bill return with our top 10 tips on “How To Marry A Prince”!!! :D

Lindz (urbanupdater.com)

1. Start saving your pennies now! – We all know princes are filthy rich, but that doesn’t mean they want you to be their charity case. Knowing that his princess works hard and can take care of herself financially is a turn on for him. Let’s be honest.. You really won’t have to.. It’s just in theory.

2. Commit yourself… To him: Even if you break up (That is.. If you still think you want a chance) – Notice how Prince William dated all kinds of different women when he broke up with Kate, but she dated NO ONE. That’s because a prince doesn’t want someone else’s leftovers. And if a Prince doesn’t want it, he doesn’t have to have it.

3. Know what a fascinator is.. And wear one – Even if you think it looks ridiculous, a prince wants a lady who’s put together, and fascinators make you look important.

4. Don’t bask in the limelight – That’s just bad form. You did this because you love him, not to get famous, right?

5. Don’t wear those shirts that say “It’s Not Easy Being a Princess” – Let’s just say you wouldn’t want to have an operation done by a doctor wearing a shirt that says “Trust Me, I’m a Doctor”. Case in point.

Bill (facebook.com/ReelSolid.TV)

6. Meet a prince – Princes don’t hang out at your job, in your apartment, or at your local bar. Find out where princes chill, like the polo club or whatever, and go post up there.

7. Carry yourself regally – Princes don’t want paupers. They want refined women that just happen to have been overlooked somehow. Be that woman.. Make him feel lucky that he found you, instead of the other way around.

8. Play Your Position – Recognize that you won’t be calling ANY shots, because he’s royalty by blood and you aren’t… However.. Expect and demand that your prince treats you with the proper respect and reverence as should be afforded that special gal that he selected to be his *only* woman AND bear him a couple dozen heirs.

9. Cultivate skills other than sex and cooking – The basics are only going to get you the audition. If you want to make it onto the roster and eventually become the cream that rises to the top, you’re going to have to have a lot more going for you than the same thing that all the other women offer him every day of the week.

10. Don’t go outside looking busted – Make sure you look stunning at all times. Women that princes date REMAIN paparazzi-fodder. A prince wants people to read the tabloids and say he’s extremely lucky to be marrying that woman, instead of “Dag! o_O .. He must have gotten her pregnant! :(”
–
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I’ve received the absolute best feedback about my personality from women I’ve been involved with. That’s because I’m being real with them.. Mostly intentionally, and other times, unintentionally.

I suppose another reason is that I can’t stand to spend inordinate amounts of time with unintelligent women.

I just can’t stand it.. Never could, really. I remember being in camp and looking forward to my afternoon conversation with one of the junior counselor females that was like 10 years older than I was. I wasn’t kickin’ it to her.. It was just really refreshing to have an intelligent conversation, and I enjoyed her company and remember her fondly to this very day.

Anyway… I wouldn’t be anywhere near the person I am today without the feedback I’ve received from the women I’ve been closest to over the years. There are some things you can’t figure out about yourself that are really obvious to women that spend a lot of time around you. Considering what they’ve had to say, deciding for myself whether it was true, and then either doing something about it or living with it has helped me make incredible strides in my personal development and introspection.

Limitations

I suppose my favorite instance was when my ex, while we were still together, was probably about 3 feet away from me, looks at me and says calmly and factually “You have a limited use for women.”

The first thing I did was look at her. She looked… regular. :) The next thing I did was play back what she said, to be sure that I heard her properly. When I decided that I had, I started to consider her viewpoint.

I already knew she was intelligent. I already knew that we were completely open with each other about everything. I already knew that I spent every day with her unless I was working or one of us was out of town. There was no opportunity for me to dismiss her statement on the grounds of lack of experience.

Next, I considered what my opinion was about her opinion.

I drew pretty much a blank. I remember “seeing” clouds, like no thoughts at all.

The entire process only actually took a few seconds, but then I decided that she had EXTENSIVE EXPERIENCE at being not only a woman, but a woman that I was treating as the most special unrelated-to-me female on the entire planet, and I had NO EXPERIENCE at being a woman OR dating myself, so I looked at her and said “You’re right.”

I don’t remember if a conversation ensued. I don’t believe it did. I think it was just something that was on her mind and she decided to say. She didn’t have any emotion about her statement, one way or the other. I would have been able to tell.

I didn’t have any emotion about what she said either, which was probably the most interesting aspect of the situation to me when it occurred. I think I just sat there and thought about the exchange, because I never thought I’d have someone say that to me, especially someone I was CURRENTLY WITH! haha and I never thought that I’d have that response, or, actually, NO RESPONSE to her statement.

Somewhere along the line, I thought “I’m glad she’s intelligent enough to decipher that from my consistent behavior towards her and towards other women she’s seen me interact with” and “I’m glad she knows me that well that she’s receiving information from me that I’m not consciously or deliberately offering her”.

Hopefully, I’ll never forget that situation, how it went down, how we looked and felt. It was pretty much a defining moment in our relationship, because it had that element of “emotionless togetherness” that we shared for a long, long, long time. Communication and openness were KEY factors for us, and I’m glad she felt comfortable saying something so potentially volatile to me, and I’m glad I was able to consider her thoughts and return her an honest, heartfelt answer.

Trojans

A situation I found rather humorous was when I was talking to a female friend about the process by which I decide if I’m going to attend a hangout.

Women that know me know that I never confirm that I’m going anywhere until the last minute. That’s because I never know what I want to do until I want to do it. I can’t tell you that I want to see you on Thursday if it’s currently Tuesday. All I can tell you is that I want to see you right now, or I don’t.

Of course, exceptions have to be made for business bookings and certain women that are rarely available, so I have to book whatever time with them in advance that I can get, and then ******* grin & bear it when that day and time arrives, HOPING that I feel like hanging out with them at that point.

Other than that, everything I do is penciled in. If we make plans to hang out on Thursday at 6pm, I’ll let you know on Thursday, up to, say.. 4pm whether I actually want to come see you or not.

I know that women reading this are already turning over in the graves they’re not yet in, but it gets worse…

So I’m talking to my close female friend about hangouts, right?.. and I’m explaining the situation to her, and I end up saying that unless the situation requires me to utilize a condom, there’s no guarantee that I’m going to show up.

:O

Now, I was exaggerating.. a little.. to make my point. What I was saying was that the value to me of arriving *anywhere* IRL is stimulating female company. I’m not lonely. I have 2,708 Facebook Friends, which statistically means that I can contact any one of 1,354 women right this very second, probably 300 of which live in NYC, and are within physical striking distance inside of an hour’s worth of travel on mass transportation.

The reason I wanted to bring this up is not to blabber on about myself for no reason, but to discuss something that I find absolutely MIND-BOGGLING about women…

um… WHAT? o_O

Women swear up and down on a stack of Bibles that men date then with no intention of having sex with them.

I just can’t figure this out. It’s amazing. It’s like what on EARTH do you think he’s contacting you on that online dating service for? Why do you think he asked you out? Why do you think he went to dinner with you? Do you think he’s lonely? Do you think he doesn’t have any friends? Nobody to talk to? Nobody to go to dinner with? o_O

Hopefully, one of y’all will leave a comment and please enlighten me so I can stop thinking about this. What are y’all THINKING when these dating situations occur for you?

I’m not saying the guy ONLY wants sex from you. I’m saying that if he DIDN’T want to hook up with you, he’d be out to dinner WITH. SOMEBODY. ELSE.

He’d be out to dinner with his homeboys. He’d be out to dinner with his coworkers. He’d be out to dinner with people from his bowling league. He’d be out to dinner with his ACTUAL platonic female friends.

I just continue to be amazed at how women fall for the okey-doke and then, like after Elmer Fudd figures out he got Herbed by Bugs Bunny, y’all go “You Know???….. I think he only asked me out so he could HAVE SEX WITH ME!!! :O” and then I have to do the slapping-my-forehead-smiley because I’m like OH GOD.. NOT AGAIN!!! :/

What’s worse than that is that y’all fall for the same stupid tricks over and over and over and over and over. Incredible.

*PRO TIP* – Please stop accepting what guys say as facts. Just stop it. Now. Today. Stop.

Please stop telling me things you don’t personally know about as if they’re bona fide, verified facts. I don’t want to ever again hear one of y’all say “I was dating this guy who was in the process of leaving his wife, and….” no… no no no no no, Nobody’s leaving ANYBODY. It’s what guys say to get you to spread your legs.

First of all, stop falling for the okey-doke. Second, stop TELLING ME about the situation as if dude suddenly decided to try to make it work with his wife. His wife has been at home baking brownies like June Cleaver and sending their kids off to school with bologna sandwiches the whole time he’s been screwing you.

Stop asking me why dude changed his mind about marrying you. He only said he would to keep you in pocket.

Stop asking me how he got “another” girlfriend so quickly after y’all broke up… Most likely, either a) she’s a girl he picked up while he was dating you, or b) YOU’RE a girl he picked up while he was dating HER.

Is it jaded? Is it pessimistic? Is it cold-hearted, like my homegirl Sierra calls herself? Maybe… It’s also REALISTIC.

Why in the world would a guy “date” a gal he doesn’t want to have sex with? \o/

What incentive does a guy have to not LIE HIS ASS OFF in order to get whatever he wants from you? \o/

There’s no code of ethics to dating. We’re not doctors. We’re trying to get laid.

Do me a favor… Do YOURSELF a favor.. Take it from a guy whose current girlfriend at the time told him he has a limited use for women..

Unless you or someone you trust can personally verify what a guy that’s trying to hook up with you is telling you, stop accepting it as factual information. It’s possible, it might even be probable, but it’s definitely not certain.

Is that going to help you avoid the pitfalls? Nope. However.. It might just make you feel a little better about yourself after the fact if you go into a dating situation fully understanding that this guy might be lying to you in order to make it easier for him to hit it & quit it.
–
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Jay Smooth pointed out to me that JIll Scott had this to say in Essence Magazine:

“My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince.” [Read more of Jill's article...]

For more context, here’s a video of what she had to say on CNN:

Now, I was going to let this topic slide because I don’t care. However.. Sensing that we’re going to have some more fake Sex Addict claims in the near future, I may as well break up my ongoing coverage of that topic with something else.

Disclaimers

First of all, let me say that I understand what Jill’s saying and I understand from reading what she wrote and listening to her in the video clip I posted above why she feels hurt about the situation.

Second of all, which is really honestly first of all, let me say that I’m aware that I’m the last one that should have any opinion on black women at all.

Everybody that’s seen me in action knows how I roll. Of the gals I’ve messed with, the percentage of them that have been black is relatively close to 0% >:D

I think that covers all the disclaimers, so let’s discuss Jill’s topic, which specifically spoke about white chicks and black dudes.

Statistics

We live in the United States of America.. In the year 2010 AD. Unless you live in an all-minority neighborhood and go to all-minority schools and work at all-minority jobs, MOST of the people you come into contact with in this country are going to be white.

According to the 2000 United States Census”, 75.1% of respondents said they were white, while 12.3% said they were black.

Let’s say we evened that out to 50% white and 50% black people across the board. That means that a black chick has the same chance as a flipped coin landing on either heads or tails to be selected by ANY GUY to mess with or get into a relationship. Even if the numbers were EVEN, there is NO CIRCUMSTANCE where a black female is 100% guaranteed to get the rap from a guy merely due to the fact that he happens to be black as well.

I think this is the main problem with Jill’s argument. Like I said, I understand why she feels the way she feels, but it’s entirely unreasonable to expect that guys are going to ignore 75% of women or 3 out of every 4 women in this country because their skin is a different color.

Do you know how hard guys have to work to get laid in this country? :D This whole thing is ridiculous. It’s not new, either. I’m glad it’s getting attention now that Jill brought it up, so maybe people will discuss this rationally and women that are being affected by this might be able to attain some enlightenment & closure and move on.

Life Isn’t Fair

I’m 5’9″. Thanks to all the drugs they’ve been putting in the meat for the last ten years, there are lots of chicks that are taller than I am. There are lots of chicks that don’t want to date guys that are shorter than they are. What do you want me to do about that? Cry? Complain? Talk about how unfair life is? Wear platform shoes like Prince? What do you want me to do? :D

It’s ridiculous! There are lots of chicks that are 5’9″ and shorter that would love to hook up with me, so a brotha gotsta GET IN where he FIT IN. That’s how life works. Similarly, if you see a black dude with a white chick, that doesn’t mean YOU could have pulled him even IF he only dated black chicks to begin with. You still would have had to fend off, what?.. 30,000,000 OTHER black females?.. Good Luck.

The thing that I find laughable about this situation is the chicks that talk all this **** when they weren’t trying to give you any in the first place. :D Seriously.. Listen, ladies.. If you’re not tryin’na hook up with a dude, nobody cares what your opinion is. Nobody. Your argument has GOT. TO. BE. “If you don’t hook up with that white chick, I’ll give you some”. If it’s not YOU, it’s gonna have to be a good-looking homegirl of yours.

Seriously. It’s like you’re saying “Don’t buy that pretzel from that vendor” and then we don’t and then you’re there like “…………..”. What am I supposed to do? Starve? Because *YOU* came up with the stupid idea for me NOT to do something without offering me a preferable alternative?

Does Race Matter?

While I’m on the topic, a female friend of mine, who of course is white, asked me something to the effect of “Does race even matter in tech?”, adding “I don’t know the race of a person I’m talking to on the phone or over the internet”. The reason she asked me this is that I had been explaining to her about a situation which caused James Andrews to write “How We Were Kanye’d At SXSW 2010 And Why It Was Wrong” which Faith Dow responded to with This Post and This Post.

Long story short.. Apparently, there was a SXSW panel called “Blacks In Tech”, which, actually, now that I look at the lineup on James Andrews’ blog post, included my friend Nichelle Stephens, which failed to field an all-black panel. Faith Dow took exception to this and brought it up when it was her turn to speak when they opened the floor to audience members.

There was more hubbub. Go read their posts if you give a damn. The point is that if you’re going to make something called Five Apples On A Stage, there had damned ******* well be FIVE ******* APPLES on the stage or you just have to eat it (haha no pun intended) when someone says “THOSE ARE ORANGES! :/”. There’s nothing you can say about it. There’s no defense whatsoever.

Anyway, that’s what led to my friend’s question. The answer is that race matters in tech to fools.

If you become aware that someone’s better, more stylish, more creative, more insightful or just plain FASTER than other people that do the exact same job he or she does and you elect not to hire them because their skin color is different from yours, you get what you deserve, which is an inferior product.

So if the panel had been named “Minorities In Tech”, Faith Dow wouldn’t have had jack to say about it… Except it WASN’T named that, so it either looks like DELIBERATELY FALSE ADVERTISING or an EPIC FAILURE in an attempt to find either 5 or 6 black people to sit on the same SXSW panel in the year 2010 AD (When this amazing feat has already been pulled off at several SXSW conferences in the past). There’s no defense against this. The panel should have been renamed before SXSW even started, or the panel should have been populated as advertised.

C’mon SON!

Getting back to Jill Scott’s point.. If you’re going to reach all the way back to Civil Rights and beyond to explain why you wince when black guys hook up with white girls, you need to focus on what the point was of granting people rights in the first place. It wasn’t “Please, oh please grant us the right to kick it to 12% of the American population”. It was “Grant us the right to do the **** whatever we FEEL like doing, so long as we’re within the law and not hurting anybody”. Instead of feeling poorly, shouldn’t you actually feel HAPPY that SOMEONE benefitted from Civil Rights? O_o

What about when blacks work for white companies? Is that upsetting too? :D Should blacks turn down white clients for some odd reason? Should blacks not be on linkedin? What about Facebook? Should blacks only patronize BlackPlanet.com? I mean, seriously, where does it end? \o/

There is no reason at all why a black dude shouldn’t kick it with a white chick that’s interested in him, unless of course, she’s busted.

That’s how it works. If a chick is attractive, “She could get it”. If she’s not attractive, “Nah.. That’s AIITE!”. Most guys, black, white or otherwise aren’t thinking about the situation any more deeply than that.

Also… I suggest that y’all stop spreading rumors that white chicks listen to orders, take their men shopping, act properly around company, let you do all kinds of Tiger-Woods-sex-text-message-type stuff to them and then get up and make you a sandwich, because you’re only making matters worse for YOURSELVES!!! >:D

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There’s a post on the website MomLogic entitled “Married Women Hate Sex”. They surveyed 2500 married women and found that “50% of women find sex either depressing, embarrassing or a hassle”… smh :/

Here are some other interesting percentages from their survey:

 
NOW YOU KNOW a brotha had to STOP. RIGHT. THERE. when I read “26% would rather read a book! :D For those of you not hip to the DatingGenius vault of golden oldies, I wrote Take her to the Book Store! over a year ago, on November 10, 2007 after I had heard one of the funniest and most ridiculous things I had heard in quite a while. :) I had met this chick, who shall remain nameless, and she was all HAPPY about the fact that she had gone out on a date with some guy and he had taken her to the book store after going out to eat or whatever they did first.

So I’m waiting for the good part, like that he took her to that particular store, because he knew they had a spacious bathroom that locks from the inside where he could isolate her and make some moves, but they actually checked out BOOKS while they were there! :/

So, after I asked her directly whether she was kidding and determined that she was honestly happy about this date, I asked her “So… What does that prove? That you like to read books with him?” and she was still all happy and gleeful over this ridiculously boring date.

I ended up changing my valuation of “bookstore technique” and said so in “It’s The End of The World as We Know It! :(“. It turns out that the guy that pulled it off became her boyfriend and is now living with her, so PLAY ON, PLAYAH!!! and Congrats! to our friend who shall also remain nameless, for being a pioneer in the space and using such rudimentary tactics to such excellent effect! *clap*clap*clap* :D

I realize now, from this MomLogic survey why this worked for him. This is actually pretty brilliant. He kicked it to her as if they were already married! :D Is that GREAT or what? Instead of rapping to her like he wanted to have sex with her, he rapped to her as if he DIDN’T! :D Fantastic! He gave her the experience (which she ended up living into) of how it would be when they were at home together, a loving couple, both reading books. How was *I* supposed to know that 54% of married women admit they’re the ones who don’t want to have sex and 26% would rather read a book??? Playboi was ahead of the curve, FOR REAL! hehe I’m impressed. :D

However… Getting back to the point of this “Sexless Marriage” thing, it’s like, HUHHH???

Comedians have been saying for ages that sex goes down the drain when people get married, but come on people… 54% don’t want to hook up with “The One”? hahaha omg, that’s pathetic. I mean, you went through all. that. trouble. to corral this ONE guy, and now, you’re like “meh” in the bedroom? :) … But I bet it’s not cool if the next chick comes along and gets her Monica on, right?… uh huh.

Now, there are legitimate reasons why women stop wanting to have sex with their husbands, such as:

 
But let’s get down to brass tacks here… FELLAZ!!!… If YOUR WOMAN would rather take a bubble bath than mess with you……….

THAT’S…… YOUR……. FAULT!

What happened to all those slick tactics you used to get the panties to drop in the first place? :D What happened to your STYYYYYLE? Your TECHNIQUE? :D Did you pull HER, or did SHE pull YOU? Shouldn’t it be EASIER for you to get her to lay down NOW than it was before you even knew her? Knew her parents? Read books with her? Had kids with her? Come on, man. Brush up on those skillz and get back in the game.

See, we’re always snapping on women for lampin’ on the couch eating bon bons and letting their bodies get into all kinds of states of disrepair, but what about YOU? What are YOU doing to make sure your woman still feels sexy around you or BECAUSE OF YOU? Apparently, 54% of y’all need to get back on your flower game… or your poetry game… or break out those Slow Jam Tapes that you used to use to get her in the mood… or get back in shape… or take her out on dates AS IF you’re trying to get up in there for the first time! Sheesh! Do SOMETHING! :D

If you can’t get THAT back together, at least go the domestic route. You might actually have to babysit every once in a while (yes, yes, I know, I know. A guy can’t actually “babysit” his own kid hahaha), so she can feel like she can relax or take a nap or do something she WANTS to do instead of paying attention to a baby 24/7. You might have to pick up that spatula and make some breakfast. You might have to let her know that even with the baby fat, you’re still willing to / interested in tappin’ that. You might have to sign her up for spinning classes while you’re “babysitting”. You might have to go buy her new lingerie, since the pre-kid stuff doesn’t fit anymore.

Do SOMETHING, dude. Don’t just let her sit there and sulk. Unless you’re just one of those book-reading type of guys, it’s YOUR sex life that went down the drain along with hers! :/

~Bill

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