By now, you’ve heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger was banging the hired help while he was married and having kids with his wife.

For some people, this was a surprise. I suppose they never read my 2008 article “Political Sex Scandals”.

I suppose they also never saw this video of Schwarzenegger in Brazil back in the day:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uerFZ2Z42nc

Does this look like a dude that’s interested in one female?… Nope.

It’s All In The Game

Anyway… I didn’t have much to say about this topic because it’s so basic that I couldn’t get a grip on only ONE topic that I wanted to talk about.

When it comes to dating, there are only three types of guys:

1. Guys that are looking for one girl to settle down with.
2. Guys that are willing to FAKE looking for one girl so they can get laid.
3. Guys that will tell you to your face that they’re not going to be exclusive with you and you can kick rocks if you don’t like it.

So.. When I hear that some dude has a teenage kid with his hired help, my two reactions are, a) “Sucks to be you.. Should have used a condom.”, and b) “**** it. He’s rich. He can afford Child Support payments”.

Also, when I hear that the hired help’s kid is the same age as his wife’s youngest kid, I’m like “Welp… Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.”

So.. Obviously, I have no problems at all with dudes screwing as many chicks as they like, even on the same day…. If you’re not hip to the facts, according to CNN:

A son fathered by Arnold Schwarzenegger with his housekeeper was born less than a week after Maria Shriver gave birth to another Schwarzenegger son, according to birth records obtained Wednesday by CNN.

The New York Times, citing two friends of the family, reported the mother was Mildred Patricia Baena, who worked for two decades as housekeeper for the Schwarzenegger family.

The former California governor acknowledged Tuesday he was the father of a child “over a decade ago,” but he did not identify the mother.

So.. Obviously, he was tagging up on both of them at the same time…. I’mma let Robbie Nevil handle this one:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGtf9QfITQw

The ‘problem’ I have with the situation is that that’s a sucker move, telling a chick you’re exclusive with her to get her to lay down. That’s like one step above paying a prostitute. That’s not sporting. :/

I mean.. How do you feel about yourself when you spend all this time and energy, attaining a position of power, and then you can’t do what you actually want to do with your life? o_O

What’s the point of attaining anything in life at all? If you want to bang the housekeeper, bang the ******* housekeeper. I don’t see what the problem is.

You bought like a Porsche or a yacht or a mansion because you felt like it, right? How come you have to sneak behind your woman’s back and hook up with the hired help?

Nice Life.

Discretion

If a chick doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut about the fact that y’all are hooking up, she’s either worthless or a liability. Neither one is good.

One of the benefits to hooking up with the hired help is that she’s already on the payroll.

You’re already paying her to do things for you, so all you have to do is extend her job description.

You’re also already paying her to keep her mouth shut. You don’t want her blabbing to the tabloids about what goes on in your house when she’s mopping the ******* floor, so discretion is pretty much built-in if you decide to start screwing her.

This is one of the reasons people like Charlie Sheen specialize in hookers. If you hook up with random groupies, they’re going to have your business all over Facebook before you wake up the next morning.

That’s one of the differences between celebrities and regular dudes. If you’re a regular dude, chicks deny giving you some to their very last breath on this Earth. If you’re a celebrity, they’re bragging to their friends about whose **** they just ****** as soon as they can wash their hands and pick up their Blackberry or iPhone.

The hired help isn’t going to do this to you because she wants to keep getting paid. She knows she’s living lovely. She also knows that she would have hooked up with you for free, anyway… Like, if you would have met her in a club and pressed up on her, she would have been like “But Where Does Homey Sign? :(“.

Invisibility

If you’ve decided to go the sucker route of promising an exclusive relationship to a chick and then continuing your single lifestyle as if whatever’s clever, you most definitely need to *NOT* be seen with the chick(s) you’re hooking up with.

Even the most inept cheaters COUGHtigerwoodsCOUGH know not to be seen chillin’ in public with ‘extra’ chicks.

This is why the hired help is useful for sex. You have legitimate excuses for being alone with them.

Your wife goes on a trip? hehe SOMEBODY’S got to take care of the kids, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be YOU. >:D .. A few PlayStations and Xboxes scattered around the house, and the maid’s all yours for as long as you can tap that.

If you happen to be seen with her in public, like, at Wal-Mart or something, nobody can say **** to you, because everybody knows she’s your housekeeper.

Relativity

It also kind of helps if the chick is busted compared to your wife.

^^^ What she looked like around the time Arnold got her pregnant ^^^

This is the move, because even if someone tries to imply that you’re hooking up with her, the peanut gallery’s going to shout them down, saying “Look at his wife, and then look at her… There’s NO WAY he’s tappin’ that, sunn. :/”

This same type of bias is the reason that there are no Asians on television and why you never see a story about someone busted getting killed on Dateline.

It’s always “How could this happen to the cute, pretty, beautiful whomever? :O” as if ******-up stuff never happens to unattractive people.

So.. Yeah.. If you’re going to hire a maid, make sure she has the type of body that turns you on, but her grill is sort of irregular, and you’ll slide right under the radar every time.

STD Issues

Another problem with hooking up with groupies is that… well… they’re groupies. \o/

That means that you and whomever else they’re jocking right now can get some.

That means that whatever they just caught, they can pass on to you quick fast in a hurry, Flavor’s vision ain’t blurry.

Arnold went for the double fail-safe by boning a chick that was already married.

Married chicks, for the most part, aren’t out on the dating scene, so all you really have to worry about is if her husband is cheating on her, passing HER something that she passes YOU that you pass YOUR WIFE and then you get busted for cheating 14 years ago instead of recently.

On top of that, married dudes tend to get lazy and not sex their wives properly, so she’s easy pickin’s.

So, it’s really the best situation, evAr. The chick works for you, she’s sweating you, you’re already paying her, she’s down to give you some, she’s not dating anybody, she’s proven she can keep your business out tha street… on top of all that, she knows that if she acts like she’s clean and she’s not, she gets fired, so she has even more incentive to tell you the truth about that.

You’re still a ******* IDIOT for hittin’ it without a condom, but at least married chicks that work for you are pretty much the best deal you’re going to get.

Flexibility

I’ve never been married, because I’ve never met an attractive female Billionaire that was any good at SOCOM:

However.. There are a lot of situations where once a gal gets married to a dude, she feels like, er.. she doesn’t have to be that Hawt Chick for him anymore.

This is a blatant error, ladies. :D If you think your husband got married to you so he could feel LESS turned on than when he was dating you and/or engaged to you, you’re wrong.

There’s a very good reason why strip clubs, whorehouses and porno will never go out of style.

Never.

So, if you go that route, and the hired help is still trying to be that Hawt Chick for your man, you “might could” get cheated on.

Granted… This probably doesn’t have anything to do with Arnold’s situation, because a) his wife always looked better than the housekeeper, and b) the kids popped out less than a week apart from each other, so he was obviously still enjoying hooking up with his wife while he was banging the hired help without a condom.

Still.. The fact remains that while the hired help may not have graduated from MIT http://alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack/, or, actually, any college at all.. Your husband might hit it if she’s willing to “drop it like it’s hot”, and you aren’t.

Gettin’ It In

Ultimately, the problem here is what I’ve always said the problem is.

Since guys know what the game is, they’re willing to fake it to get chicks to do what we want them to do.

You want to be my girlfriend? fine.. My fiancee? fine.. My wife? fine… And then I’m going to continue doing whatever the **** I feel like doing until you get hip to the game, which may be never.

What happens if you find out?.. Nothing. \o/ .. You bounce, and then I can spend even more time with my other girlfriends… Peace in the Middle East… Don’t let the doorknob hit’cha where the Good Lord split’cha.

Unfortunately, people will continue to be amazed and surprised that some dude was screwing other chicks when he claimed he wasn’t.

There are some guys that are only physically attracted to one woman.

There are other guys that will hook up with any gal that turns them on.

If you’re suspicious, leave your sound-activated baby monitor video camera in the laundry room, or wherever you suspect your man’s gettin’ it in with the maid.

Also, make sure you check his glove compartment and fishing tackle box for condoms… Although we found out from Arnold that your man might not be using them with the next chick anyway.
–
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Here’s a tip for the married guys and guys with relationships, girlfriends, what have you…
You really should have a pretty regular Date Night scheduled with your woman.

Bill Cammack – “Date Night”

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There’s a post on the website MomLogic entitled “Married Women Hate Sex”. They surveyed 2500 married women and found that “50% of women find sex either depressing, embarrassing or a hassle”… smh :/

Here are some other interesting percentages from their survey:

 
NOW YOU KNOW a brotha had to STOP. RIGHT. THERE. when I read “26% would rather read a book! :D For those of you not hip to the DatingGenius vault of golden oldies, I wrote Take her to the Book Store! over a year ago, on November 10, 2007 after I had heard one of the funniest and most ridiculous things I had heard in quite a while. :) I had met this chick, who shall remain nameless, and she was all HAPPY about the fact that she had gone out on a date with some guy and he had taken her to the book store after going out to eat or whatever they did first.

So I’m waiting for the good part, like that he took her to that particular store, because he knew they had a spacious bathroom that locks from the inside where he could isolate her and make some moves, but they actually checked out BOOKS while they were there! :/

So, after I asked her directly whether she was kidding and determined that she was honestly happy about this date, I asked her “So… What does that prove? That you like to read books with him?” and she was still all happy and gleeful over this ridiculously boring date.

I ended up changing my valuation of “bookstore technique” and said so in “It’s The End of The World as We Know It! :(“. It turns out that the guy that pulled it off became her boyfriend and is now living with her, so PLAY ON, PLAYAH!!! and Congrats! to our friend who shall also remain nameless, for being a pioneer in the space and using such rudimentary tactics to such excellent effect! *clap*clap*clap* :D

I realize now, from this MomLogic survey why this worked for him. This is actually pretty brilliant. He kicked it to her as if they were already married! :D Is that GREAT or what? Instead of rapping to her like he wanted to have sex with her, he rapped to her as if he DIDN’T! :D Fantastic! He gave her the experience (which she ended up living into) of how it would be when they were at home together, a loving couple, both reading books. How was *I* supposed to know that 54% of married women admit they’re the ones who don’t want to have sex and 26% would rather read a book??? Playboi was ahead of the curve, FOR REAL! hehe I’m impressed. :D

However… Getting back to the point of this “Sexless Marriage” thing, it’s like, HUHHH???

Comedians have been saying for ages that sex goes down the drain when people get married, but come on people… 54% don’t want to hook up with “The One”? hahaha omg, that’s pathetic. I mean, you went through all. that. trouble. to corral this ONE guy, and now, you’re like “meh” in the bedroom? :) … But I bet it’s not cool if the next chick comes along and gets her Monica on, right?… uh huh.

Now, there are legitimate reasons why women stop wanting to have sex with their husbands, such as:

 
But let’s get down to brass tacks here… FELLAZ!!!… If YOUR WOMAN would rather take a bubble bath than mess with you……….

THAT’S…… YOUR……. FAULT!

What happened to all those slick tactics you used to get the panties to drop in the first place? :D What happened to your STYYYYYLE? Your TECHNIQUE? :D Did you pull HER, or did SHE pull YOU? Shouldn’t it be EASIER for you to get her to lay down NOW than it was before you even knew her? Knew her parents? Read books with her? Had kids with her? Come on, man. Brush up on those skillz and get back in the game.

See, we’re always snapping on women for lampin’ on the couch eating bon bons and letting their bodies get into all kinds of states of disrepair, but what about YOU? What are YOU doing to make sure your woman still feels sexy around you or BECAUSE OF YOU? Apparently, 54% of y’all need to get back on your flower game… or your poetry game… or break out those Slow Jam Tapes that you used to use to get her in the mood… or get back in shape… or take her out on dates AS IF you’re trying to get up in there for the first time! Sheesh! Do SOMETHING! :D

If you can’t get THAT back together, at least go the domestic route. You might actually have to babysit every once in a while (yes, yes, I know, I know. A guy can’t actually “babysit” his own kid hahaha), so she can feel like she can relax or take a nap or do something she WANTS to do instead of paying attention to a baby 24/7. You might have to pick up that spatula and make some breakfast. You might have to let her know that even with the baby fat, you’re still willing to / interested in tappin’ that. You might have to sign her up for spinning classes while you’re “babysitting”. You might have to go buy her new lingerie, since the pre-kid stuff doesn’t fit anymore.

Do SOMETHING, dude. Don’t just let her sit there and sulk. Unless you’re just one of those book-reading type of guys, it’s YOUR sex life that went down the drain along with hers! :/

~Bill

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This is not a continuation of “Online Dating Tactics”. This is a response to a BlogHer post by Zandria M, entitled “Dating: ‘Tis the Season”.

Zandria: I’ve heard that more breakups occur during the holiday season than any other time of year. [...snip...] The thing is, though, I haven’t seen a drop in the amount of people looking for dates online. In fact, I’m receiving more expressions of interest than I did when I first signed up over the summer.

hehehe Excellent read, Zandria. :) Let me tell you what’s going on.

You explained why you’re getting more expressions of interest now than you did over the summer. Guys are dumping their girls for the holiday season OR they’ve already DECIDED that they’re dumping their girls, so they’re trolling for more women ahead of time. It’s like being a freelancer in a work situation. As a video editor, I get MORE work when people get fired or companies downsize. You’re experiencing the same thing with online dating.

The reasons you gave were spot-on. Basically, the holiday season is an expensive time to have a girlfriend, so guys tend to break up permanently or at least until the season’s over and take their girls back in January.

Another reason is that there are a lot of holiday parties right now, with a lot of DRUNK WOMEN at them. That’s where you want to be, instead of stuck at some party with a chick you already know… or even WORSE, over @ her relatives’ crib! :( This is PRIME TIME for meeting women and starting new relationships. Also, if you start a new relationship NOW, it’s too early for her to expect an expensive gift from you. :)

Zandria: The thing is, though, the more dating you do, the more instances of “Did he really do/say that?” tend to emerge.

You need to catalogue those increasing instances of “Did he really do/say that?” that you’re experiencing, because those are brief glimpses into what a lot of guys are actually thinking. It’s really the little things that give people away.

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.

For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

As far as the “six feet tall” thing, hahaha Online dating sites are set up in categories. This is how women and men get to choose whom they see in their search results. If a guy honestly states that he’s 5’9″ and a lot of women check the box that says 6′ or over, he doesn’t show up in the search results and he doesn’t get that date. Or, in some cases, where the site does the matchup FOR you, he doesn’t make the “compatible” list, so, again… HE doesn’t get that date. Since the whole point of him being on the service is to meet women that he wants to date or have sex with or whatever, he wants to meet as many as possible, so he LIES and says he’s 6′ tall. It’s not that he doesn’t REALIZE that he’s not that tall hahahahaha. It’s not that he has delusions about his height. He’s merely tricking you into going out on a date with him, when he’s actually below your selected height requirement.

It’s all in the game. :)

Oh… and apply the same logic to his salary.

Zandria: Another thing: some guys need to be more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships before you take the time to meet them in person. I had this one guy wait until our first meeting before he asked me, “Did I tell you that I’m about to be deployed to Iraq for seven months?”

As far as guys being “more up-front about important matters that affect possible future relationships”, nobody’s thinking about “possible future relationships” until they meet you in person. The way it works is, guys get what they can get… NOW… and if it continues, fine. So, if dude’s about to leave town, he’s looking for something to do UNTIL he leaves town. Similar to the “not 6-feet-tall” guy, he’s not going to ruin his chance to try to get some or have a temporary girlfriend by letting you know he’s not physically available for a LTR.

Once he meets you, it’s a different story. He might feel like “this one’s a keeper” and THEN come clean about his current status and future plans. I guess I should have put ‘clean’ in quotes, because STDs are another thing guys (AND gals) don’t tend to mention on online dating sites.

Zandria: Then there are the things that just make me go “Hmm…” Like the guy who came across as really formal and straight-laced, but when I called him out on it (yes, I will call you out if it’s warranted) he assured me, “I do have a dark and twisted side.”

As far as dudes announcing that they “have a dark and twisted side”, that normally means that they don’t, but they’d be willing to make one up so as to not get rejected for being boring. Also, “dark and twisted” is relative to his own experience. I know women who think doggie-style is dark and twisted, hahahaha :D The point is that guys are going to SAY whatever they have to say in order to stay on track to hooking up with you. If they’re wackos, they’re going to say they’re not. If they’re boring, they’re going to say they’re not.

If you want to know if a guy’s “twisted” for real, look in his eyes and then ask him what he wants to do to you.

So, yeah, that’s “how we do”. Lie as much as you need to in online dating so you get a chance to run your IRL game on her. Best-case scenario, the 5’9″ broke-as-a-joke, unemotionally available, boring dude gains the physical company of a female he finds attractive for one or more evenings. Worst-case scenario, she walks out the door as soon as she sees you, because you’re not what she wanted… except that’s the same outcome as if you hadn’t lied on your application in the first place and she never chose you, so who cares?

It’s all in the game. :D

~Bill

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