Platonic Relationships

Here’s a fun video about why men and women can’t be “just friends”:

YouTube Link => youtu.be/T_lh5fR4DMA

Granted.. It’s easy to skew a video like this by asking 100 gals and 100 guys if they believe men and women can be “just friends” and then only airing the responses from the gals that say “Yes” and the guys that say “No”.

Regardless, I think the video points out something interesting about so-called “Platonic Relationships”.

merriam-webster.com/dictionary/platonic
2b : of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex

If you Google “Platonic Relationships” you don’t get anything.. Other than probably this article, once I post it.

I was surprised by this, because as much as chicks yammer about platonic relationships, I would have thought there would be a plethora of articles and definitions of this situation that they believe exists.

Two Decisions, Not One

The problem that I have with the concept of platonic relationships is that relationships are defined by the individual, not by the couple.

They seem to be defined by the couple, because one person says to the other person “Let’s go steady” or “Will you wear my ring” or some other nonsense that indicates that they intend to exclusively date the other person, and then he or she agrees to enter this verbal agreement that they’re now “together” or “an item”.

In fact, that’s not ONE agreement, but rather TWO agreements by TWO individuals.

Both people have verbally agreed to be exclusive with each other (whatever that means to each one of them). If one of them decides they’re no longer exclusive, they don’t require the consent of the other person to hook up with someone else.

If it had been an agreement which required both people to begin it, it would have also required both people to end it. Capisce? :D

In the video.. Whether it was doctored or not.. What you saw was a bunch of females saying they believed that men and women can be “just friends” and a bunch of males saying Hellz Naw! :D

Lindsey Chen and I discussed the basics of this situation back in 2008, in “Does He Want To Be Friends?”.

Basically, there are three situations where a guy is actually “Just Friends” with a gal.

1. He doesn’t find her sexually attractive
2. He shares things in common with her that make him friends with her the same way he would be friends with a guy
3. He has a better use for her that will no longer be available to him if he hits it.. Money, Food, Her better-looking girlfriends and female family members, Whatever..

The first one is the main one. If a guy doesn’t wanna tap that, we can be friends forever. :D

However.. If he’s not physically/sexually attracted to her, she actually has to have something about her personality or what she does in her daily life that’s of interest to him if he’s going to spend time with her at all. She no longer gets the chick modifier and will be scrutinized on the same level as if he were choosing a male friend to spend time with.

Of course, this is a much higher standard. This is why you see a lot of tomboys with a lot of male friends. The women are actually considered “one of the fellaz” because of how they carry themselves and what they’re bringing to the table, personality-wise. You don’t see a lot of girly-girls with a bunch of male friends, because nobody’s actually trying to have them hanging around unless we’re scheming on them. >:D

#3 is self-explanatory.. What’s the point of hooking up with ONE chick when you can become “Just Friends” with her and gain access to all of her homegirls? >:D

Also.. What’s the point of hooking up with a chick that’s a client of yours and take the chance that she’ll get all emotional about nothing and jack up your cash flow, when you could remain in a “platonic relationship” with her and use all the extra money you get to court other women? >:D

That’s not what we saw in the video. What we saw was women saying men and women CAN be “just friends” and men saying men and women CAN NOT be “just friends”.

What percentage of that population do you think overlaps?.. How many women are currently in platonic relationships with men that aren’t in platonic relationships with them? o_O

Same Word, Different Meaning

Women define “platonic relationships” as “We don’t have sex with each other”.

Men define “platonic relationships” as “I haven’t hit it yet”.

You see the problem here? :) The only way the relationship is *ACTUALLY* platonic is if BOTH PEOPLE agree that they don’t want to have sex with each other, but women think that just because THEY aren’t thinking about hooking up with the guy, he isn’t thinking about hooking up with them either.

This is why it’s so funny in the video when dude finally asks the chicks “Do you think XYZ dude would hit it if you let him?” and then they look all confused, because this is the first time they’re even thinking about it.

It’s funny because the guy has been thinking about having sex with her every time he was around her, but he knew that he needed to play the “friend” role to stay in the pocket until he could get on.

So.. How is that relationship actually platonic, when all it takes is for the chick to get horny one time, or mad at her boyfriend, or drunk, and then all of a sudden, she wants to give her “friend” some, and he’s down to hit it? \o/

It isn’t.

Ladies.. Here’s how you test whether you’re in a platonic relationship or not:

1. Ask him “Would you have sex with me?”
2. Ask him “Why not?”

Of course, this is purely hypothetical. :D

No guy in his right mind is going to admit to you that he’d hit it, and if he wouldn’t, he’s not going to tell you the truth about WHY he wouldn’t.

However.. In theory.. That is how you would find out.

Theoretically, He’d either respond “Yeah.. You could get it”, or some variation of “You don’t have enough ass to turn me on” or “Ain’t that type-a party” or “I value you for your mind, not your body” or “Aren’t you kind of nerdy to be having sex?” or something that would describe the reasons why he hasn’t hit it yet, and whether or not he’s planning to get with you in the future.

Other than that, you are *NOT* in a platonic relationship if the dude’s actually attracted to you, because the first time you spread your legs, he’s goin’ in. >:D

2 minutes into the video, this chick says “That was one instance”, hahaha What about that, Ladies? :D

What happens after you give your “just friend” some one time? Are you STILL in a “platonic” relationship? o_O

See what I mean? It’s all bogus, like how chicks wear white wedding gowns when they know they’ve been giving it up ever since dude bought them the engagement ring.

Everybody knows he hit it before the honeymoon.. Took it for a test drive or a thousand…

This just makes the situation worse, when women that know damned well that they’re *NOT* in platonic relationships with dudes play it off like they are so they don’t get stigmatized as a slut, which is a different ridiculous topic…

So, No.. Unless a dude HONESTLY doesn’t want to have sex with a chick, he isn’t in a platonic relationship with her. Period.

Even in the situations where he forgoes acting on natural his impulses to gain other things from her, that’s not removing his desire to hit it. He’s just trading that in for a goal that he perceives to be more valuable, such as more girls or more money.

Can Men & Women Be Friends?

Having said all that.. My friend Shauna mentioned that the video doesnt really explicitly state why men and women can’t be friends.

She’s right about that.

There are actually two different definitions of “Friends” that are going around. One of them means “I like this person and enjoy spending time with them”, and the other one means “I would not have sex with this person under any circumstances”.

When women say “He’s a friend of mine”, they mean “I haven’t had sex with him and will never have sex with him between this moment right now and when I finally croak”.

When men say “She’s a friend of mine”, they mean “I’ll hit it whenever she’s in the mood, but until that time, she’s nice to look at, so I’ll keep chillin’ with her”.

So.. While it’s absolutely true that there are LOTS of actual and honest friendships between men and women, that only means that they mutually enjoy each other’s company.. Not that dude wouldn’t hook up with her.

Whether that particular relationship is platonic or not depends on how BOTH PEOPLE feel about hooking up with each other, *NOT* that they haven’t had sex YET and that every time she defines their relationship as platonic to other people, he readily agrees, knowing that if he doesn’t, the jig will be up, and all this time he’s spent pretending to be her friend will have been wasted. >:D
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“Bros Before Hoes” is generally misinterpreted to mean that anybody who is male gets preferential treatment in any situation where he’s in active or passive competition with a female.

An example of this is this 2008 election t-shirt design featuring Joe Biden and Sarah Palin:

This is not actually what Bros Before Hoes means, or what it stands for.

Before I get into the actual explanation, I’d like to say for the record that females have their own slogan for Girl Code, which is “Chicks Before Dicks”.

Friends

The way American society works, it’s very easy for guys to be friends with guys and it’s very easy for gals to be friends with gals. This is why you see a lot of polarized groups. You’ll see four guys hanging out at the baseball game. You’ll see seven women eating dinner together with no boyfriends in sight.

This is because, in general, males and females are not friends.

In fact, other than attempting to get laid, there are some guys that never speak to women at all.. unless they have to, like for some work project or something.

On the other side of the coin, there are some women that have no male friends at all either.. of their own choice and decision, not because girls don’t have friends that are guys.. That’s an entirely separate issue.

Meanwhile, Political Correctness would have you believe that we’re all one big androgynous melting pot. That’s not true.

Women often find this out the hard way… They think some dude is their friend, and then they announce to him that they’re not going to have sex with him and he vanishes into thin air like The Great Gazoo.

The Great Gazoo is a tiny, green, floating alien who was exiled to Earth from his home planet Zetox as punishment for having invented a doomsday machine, a weapon of immense destructive power.

His invention was a button which would destroy the universe if pressed, though he insists he made it on a whim with no intent of using it.

Gazoo was discovered by Fred and Barney when his flying saucer crashed.

*POOF* She never hears from him again, because the only reason he was speaking to her was so he could get laid.

This works in the other direction as well.. Guys will remain in the pocket and play that “friend” role until a chick announces that she’s broken up with her boyfriend, and then here come the suitors out of the woodwork, talkin’ ’bout how much they want to hit it, yadda yadda, when this whole time, they’ve been layin’ up in the cut, waiting for their turn to tap that ass.

So, what you end up with in this society is a group that seems to be based on equality, but it isn’t… Some people, including guys<->gals are actual friends, homies, home-skillets, like, they have a REAL relationship…. Other people are only allowed to remain in position as long as they remain functionally useful, and they’re often quickly and unceremoniously replaced.

This is the *actual* genesis of Bros Before Hoes.

Class

In a seemingly-equal group of Americans, you actually have two classes.. The first class being people (guys or gals) that have been invited because someone respects their personality, and the second class being people (guys or gals) that are only allowed to hang around because one of the first class members is trying to **** them.

In the authentic application of the concept, a guy might have male “bros” and also female “bros”. The actual differentiation is how much the individual is valued as a person, and whether they’re considered a first class citizen, *NOT* whether they’re male or female.

For example.. Back in the day, guys would bring chicks around and introduce them to us as their girlfriend or “wifey” or whatever… I would play along with the game and interact with these gals as if they were going to be recurring characters in our lives.

In fact, I already knew that they were NPC’s (Non-Player Characters). In a movie, they would be considered “extras”. They’re in the movie, and you see them in the coffee shop, but they don’t have any lines and may or may not get their name in the credits at the end of the film.

The funny/backwards aspect of situations like that is that these NPC’s would swear up and down that they were pivotal, important people, and make statements and demands as if they were in some type of powerful position. :D

Next thing you know, some other chick was being brought around by that same dude, introduced with the exact same title, and treated exactly the same way by tha fellaz.

No ceremony. No problem. No beef. No gradual or sudden dissolution of the relationship.. The previous chick would just disappear into thin air like The Great Gazoo, and she may or may not ever be mentioned again, ever in life.

If the story of her ejection was funny enough or interesting or educational enough, it might be told to the crew. Other than that, she was just replaced, and it was regular and no big deal and the next one up on deck got light until she disappeared also.

So, the actual meaning behind Bros Before Hoes is that if a dispute occurs involving a first class citizen (bro, male or female) and a second class citizen (ho, female), it’s in your best interest to side with the person who was your friend beforehand and will be your friend after the fact, instead of siding with the chick you happen to be screwing at this particular point in time, because you’re going to replace her with another one if she bounces.

You can’t replace actual friends that easily.

Chicks Before Dicks

Technically, this should work the same way in reverse, meaning:

The actual meaning behind Chicks Before Dicks is that if a dispute occurs involving a first class citizen (chick, female or male) and a second class citizen (dick, male), it’s in your best interest to side with the person who was your friend beforehand and will be your friend after the fact, instead of siding with the dude you happen to be receiving tha dilznick from at this particular point in time, because you’re going to replace him with another one if he bounces.

In reality.. Ain’t that type-a party. >:D

Most of the time, if you’re a friend of a chick and attempt to persuade her against the guy that’s currently hittin’ her off, you’re going to run into major resistance and might even get removed from her roster of friends.

This is why, when women don’t have any sex in their lives, they’re all content to hang out with a bunch of other women all the time, and then, AS SOOOOOOON as some guy’s willing to hit it, they bounce from “Girls’ Night Out” faster than Tea Party Debate audience members would let a 30-year-old without health insurance die.

So.. Since women’s emotional attachment to sex clouds their judgement, Chicks Before Dicks (Girl Code) isn’t as strictly adhered to as Guy Code.

There’s really no way around this… My advice to you is that if you have something negative to say to a female friend of yours regarding her source of sexual satisfaction, you’d better have as much concrete evidence as you can muster before you even bother to bring it up. :D

Female Bros

There aren’t a lot of Female Bros. This is because, like I said earlier, a lot of guys don’t even talk to women unless they’re trying to screw them, and then, as soon as it’s determined that they can’t get any, the guy stops talking to them, because what’s the point of that? \o/

However, these situations occur.. Mostly through getting to know women through work or social media or through mutual friends or the chick used to date your homeboy or whatever.

When this happens, these relationships as real as they come.

A lot of people fail to perceive male<->female Bro relationships, because they don’t believe they exist.. like The Great Gazoo. This leads to serious miscalculations on their part, when they incorrectly apply “Bros Before Hoes” to a social situation.

If I’m chillin’ with a female Bro and she spies a guy she likes, I’m going to try to faciliate her getting laid (or whatever she’s trying to do with him), just like I would for some male homeboy of mine I happened to be chillin’ with that saw a chick he wanted.

Also, if I see something that I feel shouldn’t be happening to her, I’m gonna back *her* play, not the play of the dude that’s trying to get over.

This is entirely different from cockblocking… I’m not on the payroll. I’m not paid to babysit some grown-ass woman from giving it up to some dude.

As long as what he’s doing is on the up-and-up, I’ll let him rock. If he can talk her panties off or whatever, good for him, I hope he enjoys himself! >:D

However.. If I feel like the situation isn’t proper, I’m going to check with her.. *ESPECIALLY* if the only reason she’s where we are is because she agreed to come somewhere with me… If I’m the reason she left her house, I’m going to make sure she returns to her house safely. Period. I don’t give a flying **** what anybody thinks about that. It’s what’s happening.

There are too many guys and gals in this town that leave chicks laying around in the garbage… Not on *MY* watch.

Fakers

I wanted to clear this up because there are a bunch of clowns running around on “reality” shows claiming Guy Code when they really have no integrity whatsoever.

They’re making guys look like chumps by claiming Guy Code and then snitching on their so-called boy to his girlfriend about something he did or deliberately gossiping or instigating unnecessary conflict.

It’s even worse when their adherence to Guy Code only lasts as long as they don’t have a chick to climb up on, and as soon as they achieve that, they become one of the girls.

In fact, guys like this don’t have *ANY* Bros, whatsoever. They’re mercenaries. They’re out for self. Dolo. Just because they’re male doesn’t mean they have any legitimate claim to raise their glass in the club and yell “BROS BEFORE HOOOOOOOES!!! >:D”.

Dudes like that make things tougher for the rest of us, since women attribute their ridiculous behavior to guys in general.

If they were really down with Guy Code, they’d represent it properly… The guys that are down with you get special privileges. The gals that are down with you get special privileges, and, in return, need to carry that extra weight associated with being “one of the fellaz”. They need to keep the crew’s business ‘out that streets’, not cockblock, and generally fulfill the responsibilities of a first class citizen.

Since these dudes ARE NOT authentically down with Guy Code, they make the rest of us look shabby by snitching on their boys, not backing up their girls, and siding with second class citizens over first class citizens so they can get some trim one time in life.

A real relationship is a meritocracy. Just because a dude is male, that doesn’t make him your Bro. Just because a chick is female, that doesn’t make her your Ho.

Don’t play yourself by assuming you’re automatically considered a first class citizen due to accident of birth.
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By now, you’ve heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger was banging the hired help while he was married and having kids with his wife.

For some people, this was a surprise. I suppose they never read my 2008 article “Political Sex Scandals”.

I suppose they also never saw this video of Schwarzenegger in Brazil back in the day:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uerFZ2Z42nc

Does this look like a dude that’s interested in one female?… Nope.

It’s All In The Game

Anyway… I didn’t have much to say about this topic because it’s so basic that I couldn’t get a grip on only ONE topic that I wanted to talk about.

When it comes to dating, there are only three types of guys:

1. Guys that are looking for one girl to settle down with.
2. Guys that are willing to FAKE looking for one girl so they can get laid.
3. Guys that will tell you to your face that they’re not going to be exclusive with you and you can kick rocks if you don’t like it.

So.. When I hear that some dude has a teenage kid with his hired help, my two reactions are, a) “Sucks to be you.. Should have used a condom.”, and b) “**** it. He’s rich. He can afford Child Support payments”.

Also, when I hear that the hired help’s kid is the same age as his wife’s youngest kid, I’m like “Welp… Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy.”

So.. Obviously, I have no problems at all with dudes screwing as many chicks as they like, even on the same day…. If you’re not hip to the facts, according to CNN:

A son fathered by Arnold Schwarzenegger with his housekeeper was born less than a week after Maria Shriver gave birth to another Schwarzenegger son, according to birth records obtained Wednesday by CNN.

The New York Times, citing two friends of the family, reported the mother was Mildred Patricia Baena, who worked for two decades as housekeeper for the Schwarzenegger family.

The former California governor acknowledged Tuesday he was the father of a child “over a decade ago,” but he did not identify the mother.

So.. Obviously, he was tagging up on both of them at the same time…. I’mma let Robbie Nevil handle this one:

YouTube link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGtf9QfITQw

The ‘problem’ I have with the situation is that that’s a sucker move, telling a chick you’re exclusive with her to get her to lay down. That’s like one step above paying a prostitute. That’s not sporting. :/

I mean.. How do you feel about yourself when you spend all this time and energy, attaining a position of power, and then you can’t do what you actually want to do with your life? o_O

What’s the point of attaining anything in life at all? If you want to bang the housekeeper, bang the ******* housekeeper. I don’t see what the problem is.

You bought like a Porsche or a yacht or a mansion because you felt like it, right? How come you have to sneak behind your woman’s back and hook up with the hired help?

Nice Life.

Discretion

If a chick doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut about the fact that y’all are hooking up, she’s either worthless or a liability. Neither one is good.

One of the benefits to hooking up with the hired help is that she’s already on the payroll.

You’re already paying her to do things for you, so all you have to do is extend her job description.

You’re also already paying her to keep her mouth shut. You don’t want her blabbing to the tabloids about what goes on in your house when she’s mopping the ******* floor, so discretion is pretty much built-in if you decide to start screwing her.

This is one of the reasons people like Charlie Sheen specialize in hookers. If you hook up with random groupies, they’re going to have your business all over Facebook before you wake up the next morning.

That’s one of the differences between celebrities and regular dudes. If you’re a regular dude, chicks deny giving you some to their very last breath on this Earth. If you’re a celebrity, they’re bragging to their friends about whose **** they just ****** as soon as they can wash their hands and pick up their Blackberry or iPhone.

The hired help isn’t going to do this to you because she wants to keep getting paid. She knows she’s living lovely. She also knows that she would have hooked up with you for free, anyway… Like, if you would have met her in a club and pressed up on her, she would have been like “But Where Does Homey Sign? :(“.

Invisibility

If you’ve decided to go the sucker route of promising an exclusive relationship to a chick and then continuing your single lifestyle as if whatever’s clever, you most definitely need to *NOT* be seen with the chick(s) you’re hooking up with.

Even the most inept cheaters COUGHtigerwoodsCOUGH know not to be seen chillin’ in public with ‘extra’ chicks.

This is why the hired help is useful for sex. You have legitimate excuses for being alone with them.

Your wife goes on a trip? hehe SOMEBODY’S got to take care of the kids, and it sure as hell isn’t going to be YOU. >:D .. A few PlayStations and Xboxes scattered around the house, and the maid’s all yours for as long as you can tap that.

If you happen to be seen with her in public, like, at Wal-Mart or something, nobody can say **** to you, because everybody knows she’s your housekeeper.

Relativity

It also kind of helps if the chick is busted compared to your wife.

^^^ What she looked like around the time Arnold got her pregnant ^^^

This is the move, because even if someone tries to imply that you’re hooking up with her, the peanut gallery’s going to shout them down, saying “Look at his wife, and then look at her… There’s NO WAY he’s tappin’ that, sunn. :/”

This same type of bias is the reason that there are no Asians on television and why you never see a story about someone busted getting killed on Dateline.

It’s always “How could this happen to the cute, pretty, beautiful whomever? :O” as if ******-up stuff never happens to unattractive people.

So.. Yeah.. If you’re going to hire a maid, make sure she has the type of body that turns you on, but her grill is sort of irregular, and you’ll slide right under the radar every time.

STD Issues

Another problem with hooking up with groupies is that… well… they’re groupies. \o/

That means that you and whomever else they’re jocking right now can get some.

That means that whatever they just caught, they can pass on to you quick fast in a hurry, Flavor’s vision ain’t blurry.

Arnold went for the double fail-safe by boning a chick that was already married.

Married chicks, for the most part, aren’t out on the dating scene, so all you really have to worry about is if her husband is cheating on her, passing HER something that she passes YOU that you pass YOUR WIFE and then you get busted for cheating 14 years ago instead of recently.

On top of that, married dudes tend to get lazy and not sex their wives properly, so she’s easy pickin’s.

So, it’s really the best situation, evAr. The chick works for you, she’s sweating you, you’re already paying her, she’s down to give you some, she’s not dating anybody, she’s proven she can keep your business out tha street… on top of all that, she knows that if she acts like she’s clean and she’s not, she gets fired, so she has even more incentive to tell you the truth about that.

You’re still a ******* IDIOT for hittin’ it without a condom, but at least married chicks that work for you are pretty much the best deal you’re going to get.

Flexibility

I’ve never been married, because I’ve never met an attractive female Billionaire that was any good at SOCOM:

However.. There are a lot of situations where once a gal gets married to a dude, she feels like, er.. she doesn’t have to be that Hawt Chick for him anymore.

This is a blatant error, ladies. :D If you think your husband got married to you so he could feel LESS turned on than when he was dating you and/or engaged to you, you’re wrong.

There’s a very good reason why strip clubs, whorehouses and porno will never go out of style.

Never.

So, if you go that route, and the hired help is still trying to be that Hawt Chick for your man, you “might could” get cheated on.

Granted… This probably doesn’t have anything to do with Arnold’s situation, because a) his wife always looked better than the housekeeper, and b) the kids popped out less than a week apart from each other, so he was obviously still enjoying hooking up with his wife while he was banging the hired help without a condom.

Still.. The fact remains that while the hired help may not have graduated from MIT http://alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack/, or, actually, any college at all.. Your husband might hit it if she’s willing to “drop it like it’s hot”, and you aren’t.

Gettin’ It In

Ultimately, the problem here is what I’ve always said the problem is.

Since guys know what the game is, they’re willing to fake it to get chicks to do what we want them to do.

You want to be my girlfriend? fine.. My fiancee? fine.. My wife? fine… And then I’m going to continue doing whatever the **** I feel like doing until you get hip to the game, which may be never.

What happens if you find out?.. Nothing. \o/ .. You bounce, and then I can spend even more time with my other girlfriends… Peace in the Middle East… Don’t let the doorknob hit’cha where the Good Lord split’cha.

Unfortunately, people will continue to be amazed and surprised that some dude was screwing other chicks when he claimed he wasn’t.

There are some guys that are only physically attracted to one woman.

There are other guys that will hook up with any gal that turns them on.

If you’re suspicious, leave your sound-activated baby monitor video camera in the laundry room, or wherever you suspect your man’s gettin’ it in with the maid.

Also, make sure you check his glove compartment and fishing tackle box for condoms… Although we found out from Arnold that your man might not be using them with the next chick anyway.
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I’ve received the absolute best feedback about my personality from women I’ve been involved with. That’s because I’m being real with them.. Mostly intentionally, and other times, unintentionally.

I suppose another reason is that I can’t stand to spend inordinate amounts of time with unintelligent women.

I just can’t stand it.. Never could, really. I remember being in camp and looking forward to my afternoon conversation with one of the junior counselor females that was like 10 years older than I was. I wasn’t kickin’ it to her.. It was just really refreshing to have an intelligent conversation, and I enjoyed her company and remember her fondly to this very day.

Anyway… I wouldn’t be anywhere near the person I am today without the feedback I’ve received from the women I’ve been closest to over the years. There are some things you can’t figure out about yourself that are really obvious to women that spend a lot of time around you. Considering what they’ve had to say, deciding for myself whether it was true, and then either doing something about it or living with it has helped me make incredible strides in my personal development and introspection.

Limitations

I suppose my favorite instance was when my ex, while we were still together, was probably about 3 feet away from me, looks at me and says calmly and factually “You have a limited use for women.”

The first thing I did was look at her. She looked… regular. :) The next thing I did was play back what she said, to be sure that I heard her properly. When I decided that I had, I started to consider her viewpoint.

I already knew she was intelligent. I already knew that we were completely open with each other about everything. I already knew that I spent every day with her unless I was working or one of us was out of town. There was no opportunity for me to dismiss her statement on the grounds of lack of experience.

Next, I considered what my opinion was about her opinion.

I drew pretty much a blank. I remember “seeing” clouds, like no thoughts at all.

The entire process only actually took a few seconds, but then I decided that she had EXTENSIVE EXPERIENCE at being not only a woman, but a woman that I was treating as the most special unrelated-to-me female on the entire planet, and I had NO EXPERIENCE at being a woman OR dating myself, so I looked at her and said “You’re right.”

I don’t remember if a conversation ensued. I don’t believe it did. I think it was just something that was on her mind and she decided to say. She didn’t have any emotion about her statement, one way or the other. I would have been able to tell.

I didn’t have any emotion about what she said either, which was probably the most interesting aspect of the situation to me when it occurred. I think I just sat there and thought about the exchange, because I never thought I’d have someone say that to me, especially someone I was CURRENTLY WITH! haha and I never thought that I’d have that response, or, actually, NO RESPONSE to her statement.

Somewhere along the line, I thought “I’m glad she’s intelligent enough to decipher that from my consistent behavior towards her and towards other women she’s seen me interact with” and “I’m glad she knows me that well that she’s receiving information from me that I’m not consciously or deliberately offering her”.

Hopefully, I’ll never forget that situation, how it went down, how we looked and felt. It was pretty much a defining moment in our relationship, because it had that element of “emotionless togetherness” that we shared for a long, long, long time. Communication and openness were KEY factors for us, and I’m glad she felt comfortable saying something so potentially volatile to me, and I’m glad I was able to consider her thoughts and return her an honest, heartfelt answer.

Trojans

A situation I found rather humorous was when I was talking to a female friend about the process by which I decide if I’m going to attend a hangout.

Women that know me know that I never confirm that I’m going anywhere until the last minute. That’s because I never know what I want to do until I want to do it. I can’t tell you that I want to see you on Thursday if it’s currently Tuesday. All I can tell you is that I want to see you right now, or I don’t.

Of course, exceptions have to be made for business bookings and certain women that are rarely available, so I have to book whatever time with them in advance that I can get, and then ******* grin & bear it when that day and time arrives, HOPING that I feel like hanging out with them at that point.

Other than that, everything I do is penciled in. If we make plans to hang out on Thursday at 6pm, I’ll let you know on Thursday, up to, say.. 4pm whether I actually want to come see you or not.

I know that women reading this are already turning over in the graves they’re not yet in, but it gets worse…

So I’m talking to my close female friend about hangouts, right?.. and I’m explaining the situation to her, and I end up saying that unless the situation requires me to utilize a condom, there’s no guarantee that I’m going to show up.

:O

Now, I was exaggerating.. a little.. to make my point. What I was saying was that the value to me of arriving *anywhere* IRL is stimulating female company. I’m not lonely. I have 2,708 Facebook Friends, which statistically means that I can contact any one of 1,354 women right this very second, probably 300 of which live in NYC, and are within physical striking distance inside of an hour’s worth of travel on mass transportation.

The reason I wanted to bring this up is not to blabber on about myself for no reason, but to discuss something that I find absolutely MIND-BOGGLING about women…

um… WHAT? o_O

Women swear up and down on a stack of Bibles that men date then with no intention of having sex with them.

I just can’t figure this out. It’s amazing. It’s like what on EARTH do you think he’s contacting you on that online dating service for? Why do you think he asked you out? Why do you think he went to dinner with you? Do you think he’s lonely? Do you think he doesn’t have any friends? Nobody to talk to? Nobody to go to dinner with? o_O

Hopefully, one of y’all will leave a comment and please enlighten me so I can stop thinking about this. What are y’all THINKING when these dating situations occur for you?

I’m not saying the guy ONLY wants sex from you. I’m saying that if he DIDN’T want to hook up with you, he’d be out to dinner WITH. SOMEBODY. ELSE.

He’d be out to dinner with his homeboys. He’d be out to dinner with his coworkers. He’d be out to dinner with people from his bowling league. He’d be out to dinner with his ACTUAL platonic female friends.

I just continue to be amazed at how women fall for the okey-doke and then, like after Elmer Fudd figures out he got Herbed by Bugs Bunny, y’all go “You Know???….. I think he only asked me out so he could HAVE SEX WITH ME!!! :O” and then I have to do the slapping-my-forehead-smiley because I’m like OH GOD.. NOT AGAIN!!! :/

What’s worse than that is that y’all fall for the same stupid tricks over and over and over and over and over. Incredible.

*PRO TIP* – Please stop accepting what guys say as facts. Just stop it. Now. Today. Stop.

Please stop telling me things you don’t personally know about as if they’re bona fide, verified facts. I don’t want to ever again hear one of y’all say “I was dating this guy who was in the process of leaving his wife, and….” no… no no no no no, Nobody’s leaving ANYBODY. It’s what guys say to get you to spread your legs.

First of all, stop falling for the okey-doke. Second, stop TELLING ME about the situation as if dude suddenly decided to try to make it work with his wife. His wife has been at home baking brownies like June Cleaver and sending their kids off to school with bologna sandwiches the whole time he’s been screwing you.

Stop asking me why dude changed his mind about marrying you. He only said he would to keep you in pocket.

Stop asking me how he got “another” girlfriend so quickly after y’all broke up… Most likely, either a) she’s a girl he picked up while he was dating you, or b) YOU’RE a girl he picked up while he was dating HER.

Is it jaded? Is it pessimistic? Is it cold-hearted, like my homegirl Sierra calls herself? Maybe… It’s also REALISTIC.

Why in the world would a guy “date” a gal he doesn’t want to have sex with? \o/

What incentive does a guy have to not LIE HIS ASS OFF in order to get whatever he wants from you? \o/

There’s no code of ethics to dating. We’re not doctors. We’re trying to get laid.

Do me a favor… Do YOURSELF a favor.. Take it from a guy whose current girlfriend at the time told him he has a limited use for women..

Unless you or someone you trust can personally verify what a guy that’s trying to hook up with you is telling you, stop accepting it as factual information. It’s possible, it might even be probable, but it’s definitely not certain.

Is that going to help you avoid the pitfalls? Nope. However.. It might just make you feel a little better about yourself after the fact if you go into a dating situation fully understanding that this guy might be lying to you in order to make it easier for him to hit it & quit it.
–
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• Girls Don’t Have Friends That Are Guys

Now.. Before you start crying about the title, haha “Girls don’t have friends that are guys” is a direct quote from Vinny on Jersey Shore, from when Sammi was trying to convince Ronnie that this other guy she invited to come see her at a club was a “friend” of hers.

I already talked about that situation in “We’re Just Friends!!!”, so go check that out if you want the background details from the episode. Right now, I want to speak generally about people who pretend to be “friends” with other people.

Friends

1. Men pretend to be friends with women so they can have sex with them.
2. Women pretend to be friends with men so they can claim they’re not having sex with them.

Are there males and females that actually ARE friends?
Absolutely.

They’re friends for the same reason that anybody else is friendly towards each other… they have something in common. They enjoy the same music, they both like building computers from individual parts, they play the same sports, have similar tastes in women.. whatever.

However.. There are lots of guys that pretend to be friends with a gal because they know that’s the only way they’re going to be able to stay in the pocket long enough to hook up with her.

It’s like rap game 101.. It’s like the first smooth trick the cavemen learned or something. If you step to a female and say “You look good, I feel like tappin’ that”, she’s going to go “EEW!!! HE ONLY WANTS ME FOR MY BODY! :(“.. which is true.. and then she proceeds to give you a hard time in getting it.

Meanwhile, if you would have said “Pleasant weather we’re having today! :D”, you’ll be able to get on much faster, because even though nothing at all is different from your point of view, and you only spoke to her because you were hoping to have sex with her as soon as possible after the first second you saw her, she’s not actively mentally defending against giving you what you want.

Cat?.. Meet Bag

Reality normally becomes apparent to women in a couple of ways.. First of all, when he finally decides that he’s never going to get to hook up with her and then he abruptly stops contacting her or responding to her calls, texts & emails, and second, when he decides that HE DOES have a chance to get on, and lets her know he’s physically attracted to her, in love with her, blah blah blah…

Both of these situations tend to catch women off guard because they actually BELIEVE that sexual attraction has nothing to do with their friendship with that particular guy. The best way I can describe it from the guy’s POV is that it feels like a psychological projection, where she goes “I’m not sexually attracted to you.. Therefore, you’re not sexually attracted to me, either”. It’s very, very strange. It’s almost funny, except it’s a dangerous way of thinking. The equivalent would be “I don’t believe that there are cars speeding on this highway, so the speeding cars won’t believe I’m walking across it”.

Another version is “I told him I’m not sexually attracted to him, and he’s still talking to me, so he’s accepted that we’re not going to have sex, ever in life”. WRONG! He knew he was going to have to get around obstacles when he first saw you and decided he wanted to try to hook up with you, because that’s how the game goes. We come to get it. You give us a hard time about it. That’s how it works… That’s what we signed up for when we approached you and introduced ourselves…

It’s All In The Game

When I was around 14 years old, there was this chick I had a serious crush on in camp, and I finally decided to go meet her… Having no rap at all, I walked up to her and probably said “Hi. I’m Bill. What’s your name? :D”, and she didn’t say Jack-**** to me.

So I asked her a few more times, and she eventually said something that wasn’t a name.. I don’t remember what it was.. Let’s say she said “Football”. So I said something like “ok, Football. Nice to meet you” and she kept ignoring me.

I carried on that one-sided conversation with her for a while, and then the conversation was over. Every time I saw her after that, I had kind words for her, and always included her name. I can’t tell you what happened, because I didn’t have any technique at the time and I wasn’t doing anything that I figured would ever get me progress with her. All I can guess is that she eventually realized that all I wanted was to be nice to her, and at some point, I was passing by her and greeted her as “Football”, and she broke out laughing and told me what her name was. We became good friends after that, and remained relatively close to each other during the rest of my stay there.

The point being that boys go through this BS from the very beginning of when we start talking to girls. Girls are programmed to give us a hard time, and we naturally adapt to accept this and get around it. 101. This is why “I told him I’m not sexually attracted to him” doesn’t have any effect on whether he’s attracted to her. That’s pretty much where we start every single hookup attempt.

What’s even less effective is “I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him”, because that’s not even explicitly denying sexual attraction… That’s saying that you might or might not give him some, but at this point in time, you have a reason why you’re not going to do that = He’s gonna stay in the pocket and ride it out to see what happens.

One of these excuses why you’re not planning to give him some is that you have a boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever. This is another non-factor to guys that are interested in you. This is why, when your relationship dissolves, all these guys that you thought were your “friends” suddenly profess their love and/or attraction to you and start offering you tha dilznick.

It’s not that they’re not your friends. They are. They’ll build computers with you and go see that 3D movie with you, but they’d also stick it in a split second if they thought you’d go for it.

You’re Not Slick

This is what guys know, and this is why Sammi’s excuse (which, of course, turned out to be a lie) wasn’t fooling anybody and caused Vinny to say “Girls don’t have friends that are guys”.

What he was saying is that Sammi was implying a platonic (2b : of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex) relationship with the dude by calling him her “friend”, when everybody knows dude would have screwed her if she was down with it, and everybody knows that SAMMI KNOWS dude would have hit it, which is why she contacted him and invited him to come hang out with her at the club.

Whether she actually wanted to hook up with him or just use him to make Ronnie jealous is irrelevant. That dude was clearly *NOT* her [platonic]friend. If she had wanted a friend to spend time with her at a club, she should have invited a female.

As it turns out, after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie after lie, she finally admitted that she’s made out with the dude in the past (which, she didn’t have a choice but to fess up, because dude described a specific instance where they hooked up IN DETAIL to her on the phone with Ronnie & Mike right there, hearing the entire conversation), but her new excuse was that it was before she had been dating Ronnie.

Unfortunately, that makes you look WORSE, and not better. :) As soon as you break up with your boyfriend of a year or so, you tell a guy you used to mess with to come see you at the club? hahaha Nice one! :D

What Was She Thinking?

I was explaining this situation to a friend of mine that doesn’t watch Jersey Shore, and she asked me “Why did she think the guy was going to back her play?”

Usually… Guys that kick it to other guys’ girls don’t know each other… That situation would never have gone down like that, except that it was on a television show.

What would have happened is that the dude would have arrived, seen Sammi hanging out with Ronnie, told Mike that he had been invited to the club by Sammi and showed Mike the text messages, and then Mike would have shut the **** up.

That’s because snitching is good for television ratings, but it sucks in real life. That could easily have turned into a fight.

Under normal circumstances, Sammi would have been in the middle, and there would have been no reason at all for the other guy to tell Ronnie the truth about his interactions with Sammi. I’m sure this is what she was thinking when she decided to drag Ronnie over to the dude that a) she initially lied and said she never texted, and then, when Nicole informed her that she already saw the texts from her on his phone, she b) changed her lie to “Yes, I texted him, but he’s my friend“. She was already caught in lies, and she figured that there was no reason for Ronnie to find out the truth, so she gambled and lost.. big time.

Because this happened on television, Mike called the dude on the phone, who said directly and clearly that he had made out with Sammi when Ronnie asked him about it… Instead of living with the disgrace of being caught in I-don’t-know-how-many lies at this point, Sammi gets on the phone and says “We never made out! :O” resulting in his description a the location and situation for which she had no rebuttal and ended up FINALLY copping a plea to Ronnie that she messed with him a couple of years ago.

I think that besides thinking she’s smarter than Ronnie (which she may very well be), she was thinking the other dude didn’t have anything to lose by lying for her so she could remain in good standing with her boyfriend… Except he DID have something to lose, which was that he would have looked like a liar AND a Herb AND a troublemaker if he recanted his story. On top of that, as soon as all the roommates saw her text messages to him, the cat was out of the bag. Everybody knew she was lying before she even BEGAN lying about not having texted anyone.

If this had not been on television, the IRL conversation and then the telephone conversation between the two guys would never have occurred, Sammi would have lied and claimed no physical involvement with the dude, and that would have been that. In fact, the fact that she texted him wouldn’t have surfaced in the first place.

Of course.. This entire situation could have been avoided if she would have sent him one. more. text. saying “Don’t come to the club” once she felt like she was getting back together with Ronnie.

Midnight Racing

So anyway.. Like I said.. Guys pretend to be friends with gals so we can stay in the pocket until she finally gets with the program. Gals pretend to be friends with guys so they’re not accused of having sex with us.

One of the funny things about this is that, similar to bordellos, it doesn’t work in the other direction… Women don’t pretend to be friends with men so they can get laid.

First of all, y’all don’t have to, and second, it wouldn’t help you anyway… Y’all either “Could Get It”, or you can’t. Whether a guy races remote control cars with you in the park or not isn’t going to get you any credit towards sex.

It might help you out in a jam, though.. Like when you stumble home at 4am and your boyfriend is wondering what you’ve been doing all night, you can say “Well.. *hic*.. I was hanging out with this guy I know, and we were racing RC cars and I lost track of the time”.

……………

So, ladies.. Stop trying to use “We’re just friends” as a cover.. Especially when the only thing y’all have in common is that you look good to him and he’s down to hit it.
–
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Bill Cammack – “Neo vs. Morpheus” by Bill Cammack

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