The Rules To Being In An Open Relationship [Free Agents]

People talk about being in open relationships like it’s the cool thing to do these days…

Lindsey ChenBill Cammack
Lindsey Chen [Facebook | Twitter | Web] & Bill Cammack [Facebook | Twitter | Web]

Lindsey: People talk about being in open relationships like it’s the cool thing to do these days. I don’t know, maybe it is. It’s never worked for me no matter how many times I’ve tried it.

Maybe non-relationship relationships are the new black. I just know that when you commit to an open relationship (that sounds like such an oxymoron), you walk a fine gray line.

Unless, of course, you follow these wise wise rules. Continue reading “The Rules To Being In An Open Relationship [Free Agents]”

Ho Into A Housewife?

Reader “Buxom” left a comment the other day on “Why You Got Dumped After Sex that requires its own post to discuss:

Buxom: I need some advice. About a year ago I removed myself from an 8 year relationship after finding out my ex got not one but two women pregnant.

Good Idea.

Buxom: I uprooted my life and moved back in with my mother and went back to school. After 6 months of dating with no “hooking up” I realized I had unresolved trust issues and wasn’t ready to be in another relationship.

Bill CammackThis makes sense. Part of entering a “relationship” with someone is vetting them.. personally vouching for them. You decide, using your own instincts that this person is trustworthy and actually loves you, yadda yadda.

When you find out something like dude hooked up with not only one, but TWO OTHER WOMEN (that you’re aware of) without using protection during an 8-year relationship with you, potentially endangering your health and or ENTIRE LIFE in the process, it’s going to be a traumatic experience. Continue reading “Ho Into A Housewife?”

The Sense Monogamy Makes (Exclusive Relationships)

I think monogamy makes sense under three conditions.. Fear, Scarcity & Obsession. Continue reading “The Sense Monogamy Makes (Exclusive Relationships)”

Enabling Cheating In Relationships (Enough Is Enough)

We’ve all been in the situation where we’ve had to cover for our boy so he doesn’t get caught by his girlfriend/fiancee/wife cheating. Well.. If not “HAD TO”, we’ve all had it REQUESTED of us, and “the right thing to do” is hook your boy up and take one for the team.

Larry David’s had to do this several times by now for his homeboy/manager Jeff in his show “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, and after what I watched last night, I had to write about this stuff hahaha. Sorry cheaters… There comes a point where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and you’re gonna have to get cut loose to sink or swim on your own.

I first became aware of this problem a long time ago. I searched for the episode reference, but couldn’t find it. I believe it was in season 01, and now, they’re in season 07. Anyway… Oh man, I was rollin’ off of this one! 😀

Larry and his boy live in California. They travel 3,000 miles away, to New York City and while they’re there, Larry’s boy Jeff hooks up with some chick. At the time, Jeff was married and so was Larry, so, realistically, Jeff shouldn’t have asked Larry to cover for him at all, being that they would have been taking similar risks getting caught hanging out with some chick that wasn’t their wives.

The Problem

So Jeff’s finished doin’ the do, and he asks his boy Larry for a favor, namely to make sure the chick Jeff just hooked up with gets wherever she needs to go safely (You don’t gotsta go home……. but you GOTSTA GET *THE* *HELL* OUT OF *HERE*!!! :D). Larry naively accepts this assignment and decides he’s going to walk this girl across Central Park to wherever she has to go. As soon as I saw this, I was like “Oh Boy… HERE. WE. GO!!!”. Continue reading “Enabling Cheating In Relationships (Enough Is Enough)”

Why Your Boyfriend Dumped You

So I’m reading this BlogHer post and the author is amazed that her boyfriend dumped her for not sexing him often enough (in this case, 3 times a week) and I’m like ????? What did you expect?

You know? I mean, really. :/ I find it amazing that we’re moving into the year 2009 and grown-ass-women who have access to books, televisions, IRL friends and computers are SURPRISED when they get dumped because they’re sexually incompatible with their significant other.

That’s why you were hired. Just about the ONLY items in your job description are:

  a) look good
  b) don’t act like a jerk
  c) be sexy

If you can’t do that, you deserve to be fired, and there shouldn’t be any question in your mind why you were ejected. I mean, it’s dumb… It’s like taking a job as a teacher and then complaining that kids keep showing up and asking you questions. :/ What did you EXPECT to do as somebody’s GIRLFRIEND? Continue reading “Why Your Boyfriend Dumped You”

Serial Monogamy

I’m not impressed with Serial Monogamy.

Call it what it is. You’re messing with someone, and then you’re not.

It’s interesting how some people pride themselves on only hooking up with people they’re in a relationship with… but then… getting into or out of a relationship with them is basically instantaneous. Sure… EVERY relationship ends instantaneously…. It’s ON and then it’s OFF. I’m just saying that it’s a trip how serial monogamists front like every time they’re in a relationship, it’s going to last forever, and then it doesn’t, and then the next one’s supposed to last forever. Meanwhile, they have their psychological excuse for hoing (male or female).

I was first introduced to this concept when I was around 13. Not the technical definition, of course, but the behavior as it pertains to dating. I remember asking a friend of mine about some girl, and he basically informed me that they had broken up, and now he was dating this other chick we knew. That lasted about a week, and then he was dating another chick, but meanwhile other friends of ours had switched off as well. The effect of this was that at some point, ‘everyone’ dated ‘everyone’. What was interesting about this was that there weren’t any politics involved. Politics arrived later, around 16, when people started worrying about status and popularity.

By “no politics”, I mean that there wasn’t any drama involved with a guy, friend or foe, going out with a girl you just broke up with the other day. There wasn’t any drama when she’d break up with that guy and go BACK out with some guy she dated before, or start messing with some new guy. There wasn’t any possessiveness over chicks at all. It was just you were dating someone, or you weren’t.

Once politics became involved, there was a form of status attributed to exclusive ownership of a particular person. There was also a stigma attached to people that messed around, but weren’t in relationships. As usual, because we live in a patriarchal society, the females caught the worst of this, being called hoes, tramps, sluts, easy, etc. For the guys, it’s all sport. How many chicks (if you’re interested in more than one at a time) can you keep in ‘Deep Check’ simultaneously? How many numbers can you pull? How many chicks can you screw?

The addition of politics/drama to the dating scene created the environment in which serial monogamy thrives. From the chicks’ side, they don’t want the stigma of being “loose”… by either definition, hahaha, um, anyway… so they make being in a relationship a requirement for hooking up. This way, no matter how many guys they mess with, they were always in a relationship, so it’s sanctioned, and they can’t be criticized for giving some to their boyfriends (even if she was only with each guy for a month or less… week or less?… day or less?).

Meanwhile, the guys evolved with the girls. Eventually, it became clear that this relationship thing was getting in the way of getting on, so guys learned that it was easier to lie and feign being in a relationship with a chick or three in order to keep them useful. This is one reason why relationships break up suddenly, and it seems like the guy had a ‘change of heart’. He goes from faking being in a relationship with her to not caring about her at all, instantaneously. If his incentive was sex, then as soon as he’s not interested in having sex with her anymore, or he’d much rather hook up with one of his other girlfriends, his entire demeanor towards her changes.

The worst-case scenario of this is the combination of a guy that wants a one night stand with a girl that only wants to give it up to “the right guy” or “the one”. The woman thinks she’s an excellent judge of character, so as he jumps through the hoops, she validates him. Once she decides he’s legit and “the one”, she finally gives it up… then he disappears… or, at least stops taking her calls. This doesn’t even get to the stage of serial monogamy, because his entire goal was to hit it one time… Once. There’s no way she could have known that, because there’s no way he would have TOLD her that.

For some odd reason, women think they can judge this in guys. It’s completely unfounded. How many times have you heard a woman say that she was surprised that some dude hit it and quit it? 😀 Compare that to the number of times that you’ve heard of a woman telling a guy she knew he was just trying to have sex with her and he admitted it.

So now, we live in this evolved culture. People still want to do what they want to do, but they don’t want to be talked about like dogs, so they find ways around their behaviors. They utilize serial monogamy to act like they’re just poor judges of character and that their relationships continually FAIL, to their great surprise and dismay. Meanwhile, to them, “significant other” simply means “the person that they publicly admit to having sex with at this point in time”. There’s nothing wrong with that, but since THEY see something wrong with it, they use these mechanisms to put up a front.

Another unbalanced aspect of serial monogamy is that women eventually face biological clock issues. The timing of this is critical, because if she’s currently dating a serial monogamist and decides she wants to have kids, there could be positive or negative consequences as a result of flipping the script. It’s entirely possible that the guy had no intentions EVER of having kids with her or moving in with her or even having sex with her once she got out of shape. Suddenly, he has the choice of honestly breaking off the relationship, as Laure suggests, or lying and acting like he’s interested in what she’s interested in so he can keep tappin’ that.

In a perfect world, he would ‘release her from her contract’ so she can go ‘get her biology on!’ 😀 … Then again… In a perfect world, people would Stop Frontin’ and do what they wanted to do without hiding behind meaningless titles in the first place.