Bill Cammack

… continued from Detox [Part 1]…

Anyway… “Not As Drunk As I Was Earlier” is the worst!

It’s tolerable to a degree… but basically, you want to maintain your level of drunkenness within a certain range until you fall asleep. I found this out the hard way. :)

I went to a frat party that a friend of mine threw and ended up staying over. Up until that day, my experience had been that once you go to sleep, that’s it! hahaha :) So I woke up in the morning, probably only 4 or 5 hours after I had gone to sleep. When I woke up, I retrieved my mountain bike and started riding back across the Mass Ave Bridge to go back to Cambridge. Now, I’ve been riding bicycles forever, and it’s just as easy as walking… but for some reason, It wasn’t so easy this morning. :) About halfway across the bridge, I realized the problem… I was still DRUNK! :O smh

Being that I didn’t know this was possible, I had no idea of how to deal with it OR that I actually NEEDED to deal with it. So I rode back to the dorm, and I’m wide awake and I start hanging out with my homegirl. Next thing I know, I’m just feeling worse… and worse… and WORSE… AND *WORSE*!!!! I mean, it’s funny NOW.. but at the time, I was like OMG!

After that very day, I made a vow to AVOID that situation forevermore! :D

The best thing I can advocate (besides not drinking in the first place, haha) is just plain NOT WAKING UP until you’re over it! :D Know what kind of person you are. I’m a morning person. I can go to sleep @ 3am and wake up @ 9am without an alarm. If you know your body’s going to reactivate in the morning, don’t keep drinking @ 4am. Of course… this is tip is useless, because if you’re still drinking @ 4am, you aren’t THINKING about waking up at all! :D

Another good tip is to drink A LOOOOOOT of water before you go to sleep. Do your best to dilute your blood alcohol level ahead of time. Even if you don’t end up with a hangover, the thicker your blood gets, the tougher it is for it to pass through your capillaries, and you’ll have headaches and just overall feel poorly.

At some point, I became aware of “Hair of the Dog”, or, as I believe it’s properly known, “the hair of the dog that bit you”… Regardless… It’s the Top Gun technique of pulling out of the dive like Tom Cruise in Top Gun and letting the enemy fly right by you. Pull yourself out of the nose-dive of coming down while being awake by starting drinking again! :D Instantly, you switch your body from becoming increasingly less drunk to increasingly more so. I wish I could remember where I found out about this so I could properly attribute credit.

The reason I was thinking about this was that like twice in the span of a month, I was forced to pull myself out of the nose-dive. One of the two I don’t remember at this point. The other one was that at some point before I crawled into bed @ 5am, my cousin had left me an email saying she needed my help moving some furniture to storage the next morning. I only found out about it after I woke up and was WAY LOOKING FORWARD to a morning/afternoon/early-evening of detox, flickr and facebook sets. All of a sudden, my detox time was out the window, and I had to figure out how I was going to be functional, in the street and feeling decently by 1pm.

I could have pulled off ONE of those three in the state I was in when I read her email. I could have been in the street, non-functional and feeling poorly… NOT in the street, funtional, but feeling poorly… or feeling well, NOT in the street and NOT functional (= asleep :D). The only way I was going to be able to make it happen for my cousin was to “hit the brakes and let them fly right by”.

Needless to say, this technique is USELESS if you have work the next day, hahaha. If that’s the case, you’re an idiot for drinking so much into the wee hours of the night. Too Bad… So Sad…. Some people think coffee’s going to save them. Nope. Old Wives’ Tale.

Water, sleep, more alcohol or not getting drunk in the first place… You decide.

Oh, Thank GOD for the future!!!!!! :D

It’s about to be ON and POPPIN!!! :D

According to MSNBC’s Article, a male birth control pill may be right around the corner! :D BOO-YAH! :D

Why is this a big deal? Because we all know that regardless of death and destruction, people STILL, to this day, in 2008 AD, don’t like to use condoms. I’m not just talking about the fellaz… It’s the chicks too. That’s a whole post by itself, but basically… By the time a chick’s throwin’ it at you, she thinks you’re special. This is because they like to add all this extra relationship stuff on top of the sex. So, while all YOU were thinking is “She’s hawt… She could get it”, she’s put a lot more thought into it, including feeling like you’re “clean” and that she wouldn’t mind having kids with you. This isn’t necessarily right off the bat, but if you tap it proppah one time for the people, be on the lookout for the relaxation of the condom requirements.

Anyway…

More importantly, condoms are “only” something like 97% effective. I know that seems like a high percentage, but you have to consider that number realistically, and not statistically. It’s not that every time you put on a condom, there’s only a 3% chance that it’s not going to hook you up. It’s that out of 100 times, 3 DUDES are DEFINITELY going to catch a bad one! :D The obvious problem with that is that if you have a steady chick and you hit it only once a week (?????) you TTL is 2 years, if you’re lucky. Basically, hit it 100 times, and you have 3 chances to end up with a kid.

This is because the numbers aren’t based on the failure of the material… It’s based on HUMAN ERROR. I figure the main error is not putting it on properly in the first place, so that you find out it rolled off during the act, hahahahaha = baby. The second error is not leaving space at the top. This means that all the way up until “the end”, the condom’s perfectly intact. When you do your thing, however, too much pressure is built up, and it breaks right where you need it NOT to break! hahahahaha = baby. So it’s not that out of every 100 condoms you buy, that three of them don’t work. It’s that in every 100 applications, there’s the prospect of incorrect application, et voila. :D

So anyway… This ultimately traumatic situation is about to be a thing of the past! :D With a male birth control pill, the intelligent guy will FINALLY be in control of his destiny! :D

We’re about to experience many conversations like this:

Her: I think I’m pregnant
Him: I think you’re…….. NOT! :D
Her: Remember a couple of weeks ago, when we XYZ?
Him: Barely… So what?
Her: I felt myself get pregnant
Him: Oh yeah? :/
Her: Yeah, so I took this test, and it’s positive. I’m pregnant.
Him: ……
Her: So I was thinking we should get married, and
Him: *PSYCH*!!! :D
Her: …
Him: I’ve been taking THESE! :D [producing male birth control pills]
Her: …
Him: Uh huh. So… You’d Betta Ca-Hall TyRone!!! (Call Him!)
Her: …
Him: Say… I know a producer on “Maury”. I could get you on next month.

Ahhhhhhhh, YES! :D FREEDOM!!! :D

Not that I give a damn how it works, IF it works, but if YOU want to read up on it, check out http://health.howstuffworks.com/male-bc-pill.htm.

There are lots of guys that have already dealt with this issue by getting vasectomies. I think a pill is a much better idea, as long as the effects aren’t neutralized by the consumption of vast amounts of alcohol. As long as you remember to take it, you’re cool. However, if you happen to meet a genetically superior chick that you actually want to have kids with, you can stop taking it and I assume your production returns to normal, eventually, hahaha.

This will be great for those guys that get into situations where they’re living with a chick or married to her or whatever, and according to her, there’s no reason for him to still be using condoms. The way she sees it, since they’re in a committed relationship, they don’t need it. This is especially true if she’s on the pill. However, there are chicks that forget to take the pill and chicks that “forget” to take the pill, so this is STILL a traumatic experience for the thinking man that isn’t interested in “starting a family” yet (or ever)(or with this particular chick)(or that already has enough kids for his liking)(or thinks this chick is crazy, so he’s not trying to have any genetically-crazy kids).

Yes, Yes! :D If they’re smart, the male birth control pill will cost a gazillion dollars, because it’ll be worth it for the peace of mind that it brings. :) A friend of mine, literally, EVERY SINGLE MONTH would tell me he was ‘afraid’ that his chick was pregnant. EVERY Month! :D The problem with this is that, basically, chicks can get pregnant on the opposite side of the month from when they miss their periods. So if you THINK you got her pregnant, either you’re a fool and you don’t have your girl’s period timed… or you know you spilled right around ovulation and you have a good 15 days to sweat about potentially being BROKE for the next 18 years.

So, the smart guy will avoid this when male birth control finally arrives on the shelves. It’s a brand new day, gentlemen! Thank God for technology! :D

DatingGenius