What is a Cougar? How come this dating term only applies to females and not to males who exhibit the same behaviors? Continue reading “Cougars vs. MILFs”
Excellent write-up, JS. Thank you for the detailed comment. 🙂
I’m going to try to list your points so I can respond. Please let me know if I misunderstand what you’re saying:
- Men don’t have any power in “the dating game”, because women have the power to reject AND choose.
- Women go for men they find facially attractive, so if you have that, you’re golden.. Otherwise, you’re “short”.
- Women say raunchy things about men and wanting to give it up to the guys they think are visually attractive.
- When women get older, they start to lose their sexiness and therefore lose the only power they had over men in the first place.
- Men are at a severe disadvantage, from youth through middle age if they’re not handsome.
ok… As far as men being at a disadvantage, EVERYONE’S at a disadvantage if they’re less physically or visually attractive than the next person. I discussed this over a year ago, in February 2008, in “Life Isn’t Fair”. You’re saying that guys are at a disadvantage when it comes to women in general. I’m saying guys have a disadvantage when it comes to other guys and gals have a disadvantage when it comes to other gals. Life is just BETTER for attractive people. It’ll never be different. Continue reading “Power & Loss”
A certain long, blonde, curly-haired friend of mine who will remain nameless doesn’t like it when I use the word “chick”.
I find this interesting, because “chick” is a generic middle-of-the-road term… like “dude”. Imagine guys running around town CRYING because chicks were calling them “dudes”! 😀
The problem here is that you can’t please all of the chicks all of the time. When they’re young, they want to be called women, because that’s how they’d like to perceive themselves… as mature. When they’re older, they want to be called girls… because that’s how they’d like to perceive themselves… as young. Did you ever notice that? If you ask an older chick where she’s going… “Out with the girls!” “Girls’ Night Out!” But if you call a younger chick a girl, she’s all offended. 😀
One time, I even had a chick get upset that I used the term “females”. I forgot what her argument was, but it was something like not acknowledging her as being human. :/ It’s like what would you like me to call you? You’re obviously human (or else I wouldn’t be talking to you). You’re apparently a female, unless you have something to tell me. So what would you like me to call you? “Male”? “Human”?
Of course, this problem is amplified when you do like DatingGenius and battle several chicks at a time. It sounds like a joke! 😀 “A single chick, a chick with a boyfriend and a lesbian walk into a bar…” Matter of fact, it’s probably worse than *that*! 😀 “A single Christian chick, a Jewish chick with a boyfriend and an Atheist lesbian walk into a bar….”
I don’t have the time, and CERTAINLY don’t have the interest to juggle all of these categories while I try to have a real-time discussion with people. I don’t have time to say women for the women and ladies for the ladies and chicks for the chicks and girls for the girls and females for the females.
Having said that…. 😀
Knowing how easy it is to knock chicks emotionally off balance, what you want to do is MINIMIZE the chances of that by finding out which category your chick considers herself to be in and tailoring (read: manipulating) your language accordingly. Memorize her category so it seamlessly rolls off your tongue in conversation. 🙂 If someone else complains about it, stick to your guns. Remember… “If she believes it… YOU believe it!” 😀
You can also score points by defending against other terms when your chick is around. If you’re hanging out with the fellaz and one of them exclaims “Oh Man! Did you see that bitch’s ASS? :D”, jump in *quickly* with “Hey man… have some respect for the ladies!”. Chicks love that kind of stuff. 🙂
Also, learn your international etiquette if you’re going to travel. Just because you heard The Beatles talking about “birds” doesn’t mean that that lingo’s still in style over in Jolly Old! According to my friend Phil, “ladies” will get you by in England.
I find “ladies” to be a good, middle-of-the-road term of endearment here in NYC that’s currently widely accepted. For some reason “gals” works pretty well, too. Just pick something that gets you smiles instead of frowns and rock with that until the fad changes… kind of like how you tell a chick you’re going to make love to her, when in reality, you’re going to Tap That Azzzzzzzz! 😀
I spent the day on Seesmic yesterday and had a 90-post conversation involving several of the members. I’ll say first of all that Seesmic has made TONS of improvements since Andrew Lipson gave me an invite 3 months ago. They’re always making improvements to their site, so this post may very well be outdated relatively soon. 🙂
If you don’t know what Seesmic is, it’s basically like having a conversation with people on a bunch of stickies. In a way, it’s like Twitter, except it’s video and audio instead of text. You get to record a video which goes into the “public” timeline, and other people can watch it just about as soon as you post it. People who see your video can record their own video and make it a reply to your video if they so choose.
They relatively recently implemented threading as a one-dimensional, reverse chronological timeline. This was way better than no threading AT ALL 😀 but having held a several-hour-long conversation on it that was about actual intellectual concepts, not “what to name a dog” or “who’s going on a date tonight”, I got to experience the downsides of asynchronous video threading in Seesmic’s current format.
The reason I make a point of it being asynchronous is that it’s not a real-time conversation. It’s more like twitter or an email group than it is like Yahoo Live where several people speak to each other simultaneously, or even chat rooms, where everyone’s there at the same time and can jump in with their opinions if they feel like it.
Liz Burr made some excellent points that I hadn’t paid attention to as I was absorbing so many other things during a full day’s use of the app. Someone had made the point that because you record your own video and decide when to stop it, you get to say what you want in its entirety without being interrupted. Liz mentioned that since it’s asynchronous, you can be turned OFF at ANY point, or not listened to at all, as your screen name and icon are attached to your video in the thread. This means you have more of a chance of not.being.heard.at.all. if someone decides that what you have to say isn’t worth listening to based on your behaviors and what you had to say in previous videos. I “knew” this, but I hadn’t processed it until she mentioned it to me. I was already employing that behavior, for example, after listening to a post from someone that I determined was garbage, I would skip anything with their face on it after that.
At this point, I should mention how Seesmic is set up for people to become aware of people’s posts. It’s important to understand this to understand why one-dimensional threading is NOT optimal for an application like this. There’s a “public” timeline that catches everyone’s videos. This is world-wide, but you can set it to only pick up posts in your language. That’s still A LOT of people, and it’s not even open to the public yet. Your next option is a “friends” timeline. You get to choose to “follow” people, and only their videos will show up in this timeline. This is another way you can elect to bypass people whom you’ve determined have nothing valid or intelligent to say… don’t “follow” them. They’ll still show up if you’re looking at a thread that they’ve contributed videos to, but then you resort to visual parsing and skip them as usual.
These abilities to select people to follow and people to “allow to speak” by clicking on their videos and watching them all the way to the end absolutely alters each person’s perception of a thread they arrive to. Seesmic member Otir read a perfect analogy of the situation, telling the story of a bunch of blind people whom were all offered different sections of an elephant to feel and then to give their opinion of what an elephant is like. Each of them had their own perception of “an elephant”, and that perception colored what they had to say about elephants.
First of all, if you’re following certain people, their posts come up in your “friends” timeline. If you click on the member’s icon, you go straight to their opinion. That’s a good thing. However, you’re jumping in in the middle of the thread. You can click “conversation” and see the entire list of posts in that thread. This is where your personal bias comes into play. If you don’t have any respect for the people earlier in the timeline, you might skip their videos entirely, bypassing much of the context of the situation. If there are a whole lot of videos before the person you’re following, you might not be inclined to watch an hour’s worth of posts before you enjoy what you really came here to see… thus, bypassing much of the context of the situation. If you’ve determined that the person you’re following is more credible than others in the thread, you may be inclined to reply along the lines of that personal bias. This is where we get the blind people approaching the elephant from different sides and angles.
Another “problem” with this layout is that what you’re looking at is NOT actually linear other than chronologically. The posts are laid out by the TIME that they were posted to the site, but they are not differentiated by the TANGENT of the thread that that particular post followed. This leads to a circular, “telephone game” situation, because people show up to a thread hours after it started, read something a “friend” of theirs posted, which was dealt with hours ago, and respond to that person’s post without watching all of the surrounding material.
My thread was 90 posts long. Even if each person took only one minute to say what they had to say (and I’ve seen videos that were 5 minutes long, so if there’s a time limit on individual videos, it’s NOT shorter than that), that means that to absorb the entire thread, you’d have to sit there as long as a feature film. People aren’t going to wait that long to reply. As a matter of fact, people started showing up and making NEW threads asking for someone to summarize my thread because they didn’t want to go back and read it all. This is another way that posts get “lost in the sauce”. People show up and want to be involved, but don’t want to put in the work to go back and experience each post.
Another reason it becomes circular is let’s say you have three tangents in a thread. As the original thread participants scramble “left and right” (since it’s all appearing as a one-dimensional timeline) to deal with tangents, 20 posts down the line, someone reads something from a tangent that was already resolved, hits “reply” and now, your 21st post is actually a response to your 5th post. :/ Then, THEIR “friends” see what THEY posted and continue the previously resolved tangent, causing the original thread participants to scramble over there and put out THAT fire… AGAIN. :/ Meanwhile, the thread splinters more and more and is misinterpreted more and more but LOOKS like a single, chronologically-ordered discussion. The snowball rolls further downhill when someone shows up to post #60, which is really only three posts removed from post #5 and doesn’t want to read the rest of the material, so they assume that all 60 posts have been along the same tangent.
Like I said, this only comes into play if you’re trying to have an intelligent conversation. If you’re just socializing via video, you don’t need to worry about tangents and following thoughts and concepts. You just throw up a “me too” post and you’re good… you feel like you’re a part of the conversation, whether people are “following” you or not.
Jan McLaughlin mentioned an addition that I think would work very well in these situations… the ability for the originator to moderate their thread. I suppose the ability to assign mods would be useful as well. A couple of days ago, I left a 32-post thread of mine for a few hours and when I returned, it was around 60. Thinking that there was much interesting material to sift through, I clicked on it, only to realize that two people had started online dating in my thread. :/ Instead of taking their chances in the “public” timeline, the best way to try to get each other’s attention was to click “reply” so that it would show up in their “replies” folder (an alternative timeline to “public” or “friends”. The unfortunate side-effect of this was that as they kept “reply”ing to each other, their posts were being added to my thread.
It would be lovely to have a way to separate irrelevant posts from your thread. It would be lovely to be able to remove videos posted to your thread by people that just showed up to act dumb. Not *delete* them, just remove them from YOUR thread so that new people arriving after the fact wouldn’t bail on your 70-post thread because there are 30 posts worth of online dating inside it that’s completely indistinguishable from on-point conversation in a one-dimensional reverse chronological timeline.
Seesmic’s making tons of improvements, so I’m sure features are coming down the line that will facilitate intelligent conversation, such as GROUPS. The ability to have a discussion only amongst the people that *you* choose would be a major development. There’s no need to block others from reading it. Just stop them from diluting the content and making the originators waste time running around putting out fires. Like I said, they’ve progressed in leaps and bounds in the three months that I’ve been on the service.
Personally, I’m a fan of synchronous interaction, whether we’re talking live video or text chat. Even IRL, I enjoy holding arguments against 5 people at a time. 😀 The upside of asynchronous conversation is that you only have to make your point ONCE, and everyone hears it and we can all move forward and explore greater depths of the conversation. The downside is that you have to actually BE THERE at the time it’s happening to be a part of it. If you show up hours later, all you can do is watch the archive, if there is one.
The upside of asynchronous conversation is that you can join in on work breaks, when you get out of class, whenever it’s convenient for you, you can add something to an ongoing discussion. The downside is that depending on how much time has elapsed between the beginning of the conversation and your arrival, you might not be willing to put in the work to absorb the entirety of the conversation anyway.
Bill Cammack â€¢ Cammack Media Group, LLC
I realize _now_ that there’s something that I left out.
Today, Charles Hope twittered… Yes, “twittered”… There’s no such thing as a “tweet” or else the app would be named “tweeter”…. Anyway… Charles twittered that the “older” link was no longer at the bottom of our Twitter pages. I checked it out, and sure enough, there was no link allowing me to check back past my first page of the most recent posts. I figured that since they’re always doing tests and trying to improve how twitter works, it was a programming error and that it would be quickly replaced. Then, someone mentioned an issue with spam, and that the link was deliberately removed in response to it.
I still wasn’t concerned, because I know that I can type http://twitter.com/home?page=2 directly into my browser to get to the next-most-recent page of posts. No dice. Pages 2, 3, 4 and 5 all returned the exact same Page 1 entries….. MINUS the entries that had fallen off the edge of the flat Earth, because new people had twittered since I had last refreshed. :/
The link removal wouldn’t be a big deal to people following a handful of people, but when you’re following > 230 people, like I am, it’s a major ‘problem’ and jacks a critical amount of functionality that I get out of Twitter. Fortunately, out of the > 240 people following me on these social status-update sites like Twitter and Pownce (and Jaiku? … Haven’t heard from that app in AGES!), Veronica Belmont replied to my status update on Pownce [link], informing me not only that it was a temporary issue, but pointing me to the Twitter blog where Biz Stone had already addressed the issue earlier this morning. Fortunately, she replied on Pownce, because on Twitter, her post would have scrolled off the bottom of my “page 1” and been (temporarily) lost forever, unless she had added an @BillCammack to it and it would have alighted in my “replies” section. So, thanks to Veronica, this is a different post than it would have been. 🙂
Photo Credit: Jared Klett
For me, one of the values of Twitter is that you don’t have to pay attention to it and it will save the status updates for you. I’ve gone back as far as 11 pages, which span several hours. That’s normally where you lose the “older” link. This means that when it’s crunch time, and I’m being my most effective and efficient, I can release Twitter from my mind entirely and only get back to it when I have processing cycles for it. Removing the “older” link from the first page means that I have to constantly remember Twitter to check it on the web site or I’d actually have to install a widget which would keep sending me the messages, non-stop, all day, consistently distracting me from what I’m trying to do. Neither option’s optimal.
It’s one of those things that you don’t miss until it’s gone. 🙂 Taking the “older” link from the front page of Twitter turns it into the home page of Facebook. As far as I can tell, there’s no way to increase the number of pages of updates that you can see on Facebook’s home page. They’re not even in chronological order. If they were, you wouldn’t see that an entire stack of your friends just joined a new group… You’d see individual instances with other types of updates in between them. When I get to the bottom of Facebook’s ome page, I invariably wonder what happened BEFORE the edge of the flat Earth that the rest of the updates fell off of. Of course it’s a good ploy to make it so people go to Facebook more often specifically so they DON’T miss the revolving-door updates, but that doesn’t work for me personally, so removal of the “older” link on Twitter is nothing short of a disaster. 🙂
I just checked my page right now, and there are only 20 twitters on the front (read: ONLY) page. Amongst the > 230 people I’m following, the oldest post is a whopping 22 minutes old. :/ I’ve been writing this post for more than 20 minutes, so there’s an entire ‘generation’ of comments that I’ve entirely missed and will never ever see unless they fix their spam bot issues within the next 8 hours or so.
This isn’t the stock market, so it’s not mission-critical for me to know in real-time what my Twitter friends are doing, thinking or saying. However, I was glad to read in the Twitter blog that the “older” link is going to be reinstated ASAP. Part of my daily productivity is using down-time during rendering, uploading, etc to catch up with what’s been going on in the last couple of hours since I even THOUGHT about Twitter at all. 22 minutes worth of status updates from > 230 people isn’t even a drop in the bucket.
Good thing I checked twitter within 20 minutes of Charles’ post, or I would have been completely in the dark as far as WhereTF my “older” link went! 😀
Bill Cammack â€¢ New York City â€¢ Freelance Video Editor â€¢ alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack
If you actually intend to spend more than a couple of days with the same chick, check out her moms. ASAP. NOOOOWWW! 😀 TO-DAY! :O
This is vital. Make sure you see what her moms looks like so you know what you have to look forward to (or run away from) in the future. How do they say?… “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”? 😀
Granted, styles of eating and ideas about working out, etc, have changed since her mother was in prime condition in her heyday, so you have to factor that in to her mother’s current condition. It’s much easier for women to stay in shape these days… now that they are allowed to join gymnasiums and work outside of the home.
If she looks better than her moms…. like, TODAY… that’s a good thing. If they look about the same, that could be good or bad. If her moms could be mistaken for her sister, that’s good. Props to her mom, and to good genes! 😀 If she could be mistaken for her moms, that’s bad. 🙁
In case you can’t judge for yourself, let the professionals decide. Take them both out to a bar that has a doorman. If the doorman lets your girlfriend in, but cards her mother, it’s time for a new girlfriend.
We can assume, here in NYC, that your girlfriend’s mother is at least 13 years older than she is. There is NO EXCUSE for her mother to be more attractive than her… NONE! 😀
As usual, make sure you factor in your girlfriend’s personality and character before ditching her. If she’s into staying in shape because she likes the way she looks to herself when she’s in shape, there’s a good chance she won’t “fall off” anytime soon. If she’s one of those “stay in shape until she gets a man” chicks, you’ll be completely dependent upon genetics. Just keep an eye on the ratio between when she picks up a snack and when she picks up the entry card to her health club.
Also, pay careful attention when your girl gets depressed. Chicks love to eat when they’re feeling down. If you suspect foul play in the kitchen, find a way to trick her into getting on the scale on a regular basis. Make a game out of it. 🙂 Play “I bet I ate more dinner than you” with her on the pretense of determining weight before and after a meal, then make sure you keep daily and weekly stats like blog metrics.
Also, pay attention to your girl’s mother’s work ethic. If she likes to spend money more than she likes to MAKE money, she probably passed that on to your girl as well. If she took your girl to department stores more than she took her to “bring your kid to work day” at her job, your girl’s priorities may be irretrievably skewed.
You get the picture. Make sure you compare your chick to her mother, giving her moms write-offs for the extra years she’s had to stay in shape to avoid becoming a has-been. On the off-chance that the moms REALLY SHINES compared to your girlfriend…
find out if her moms is single. 😀
Sometime around when I was in JHS, I had a friend that was older than I was named James. James was a very cool guy, friendly, good @ sports… The kind of person that you could look up to as a kid and say “I hope I’m that cool when I grow up”. 😀
At some point, I heard an unfortunate story to the effect of some woman (that I’m pretty sure James didn’t even know, which is why this Wesley Autrey situation has reminded me of something that happened so long ago) was being slapped around or beaten up in the street, and James decided to help her out…
However the scuffle occurred, and I have no idea how the other guy fared, James was cut quite a few times in his face by something that the other guy(s?) had. He lived, but he was pretty cut up. I remember… right this second, I remember the feeling of being awe-struck in hearing of the situation. I was amazed, but knowing James as the person that he was at that time, I totally understood why HE would do something like that… put himself in potential danger in order to help out someone that he felt was being wronged and couldn’t help themselves. To put in in words _now_, I would say that I was stunned by his selflessness, though others said at the time that he should have “minded his own business”. Well, he’s not them, and they’re not him, so I’m sure he did what was right for himself… or, perhaps, what he just plain felt was RIGHT, period.
This happened way after the time when James used to be around on a regular basis, so I didn’t see him much after that. I know I saw him at least once after that, and I may have seen him one other time, but I’m not sure. When I saw him, I got the feeling that he felt depressed, or rather, I DIDN’T get the “regular” upbeat version of James that I was used to being around. That could have been for any number of reasons, temporary or permanent. I had to speculate, in my unsophisticated thinking at that time, as to whether his heroism & sacrifice had somehow taken something out of him. I don’t know.
What I DO know is that I didn’t acknowledge him for what I had heard that he did. First of all, it wasn’t my place to do that, because he was my social superior. That would have been like someone from the minor leagues telling Derek Jeter that he hit a good home run to win the game. 😀 Second, I wasn’t sure that he even thought that I knew about it, so if it had been something he didn’t want to talk about, I certainly didn’t want to bring it up. Third, I was kind of amazed when I ran into him. Here was this friend of mine whose selflessness and sense of what was right carried him into a battle he didn’t necessarily lose, but that he took losses in for the potential benefit of someone he didn’t even know. Amazing.
I haven’t seen James in ages.
James, you set an example. You did what was right, to you. I’m still amazed by your conviction and fortitude in that situation. I “should” have said something along those lines at the time, but I couldn’t have, being who I was at that time. Even though it’s in the recesses of my mind, I remember it clearly. I remember who you were when we used to hang out. I remember what I heard that you did, and I remember seeing you at least once afterwards. I can’t put my finger on anything specific, but I’m sure that you had a part in the development of my own character.
I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in the paper. I’m just about POSITIVE there wasn’t any “reward”. I just want you to be sure that your sacrifice didn’t go unnoticed.
James, you’re a hero.
Having now placed videos on YouTube, Google Video, Revver, Brightcove, Blip, and Myspace… as well as hosting video on my own site and feeding my podcast to iTunes…..
I’ve come to the conclusion that marketing is more important than location. I purposely didn’t publicize any of the videos that I posted in order to see what would happen on each site. YouTube continues to get the most random hits, but that’s probably because they have the most viewers that are searching for random topics. MySpace had a slowly rising number of views, probably for the same reason.
A couple of the sites (I forget which, at this point) only count your video as a “view” if someone watches the whole thing. That’s pretty useless for the types of videos that I had posted, because mine have beginnings and ends. It’s clear that the video is over before it’s actually over, so there’s no real reason to go all the way to the end. That’s because I made the clips as mini-shows and not viral video. They’re supposed to take the viewer through a complete entry into and exit from the world of ReelSolid. That format’s going to be changed for my next show, which I’m working on right now.
As far as revenue-sharing, that’s all well and good IF you’re making videos that people are going to want to watch over and over, like the one where the guy gets his foot caught in the rope swing and gets bashed into the stone wall like Wile E. Coyote. 😀 THAT’S viral video. That’s video that someone watches 20 times, then tells 20 of their friends to watch 20 times, then watches another 20 times the next day and so on and so on. If you’re not making those kind of videos, the ROI is just about nothing. I suppose you could say that if your “I” is nothing, then you have nothing to lose by putting something on Revver or Brightcove. Some people litter those sites with tons of very short videos and get a lot of hits and make money from them… kudos! 🙂
Ultimately, I like serving my own videos. I haven’t been impressed with the playback from other services, but that might be because I’m on an older computer and those sites are opimized for dual-core-blah-blah-blah.
My next show is going to be a form of videoblog, so I’ll be changing the site… AGAIN, and moving videos to blip.tv. One of the reasons for this is that Revver and Brightcove are clearly viral video sites, and that’s what they specialize in. Blip’s more geared towards videoblogging, so it seems more ‘natural’ to have a presence there than the other sites. I might make viral versions of the shows, and that would be fine for me to have on these quick-hit sites, but for now, I’m going to focus on the actual content and placing it where I feel it’s part of a community instead of somewhere I tossed it to see what would happen.
OK… so that was a hassle. 😀
I just switched this site from Blogger to WordPress. Initially, I wasn’t going to make ReelSolid a web site at all. The original concept was to have it as a holder for my itunes feed. The only reason I made it a blog at all was so I could use feedburner.
I ran into an issue a while back, regarding categories. The only way to do them in Blogger is to make several blogs and link them. That’s all well and good until you have to make several changes, and then you have to go all over creation checking that you re-created everything the way you originally planned it. My boy CoolP over @ haitixchange.com had been telling me about using databases for the longest, but I didn’t have that much information at the time, so I didn’t mind changing everything every time someone suggested a new idea to me like using Flash (or at this point, Ogg Vorbis).
Finally, I decided to check out WordPress, and it’s really impressive, compared to Blogger. I went with Blogger since it’s easy to get started with, and I wasn’t concerned with any other functionality. The problem with ‘simple’ is that the more different forms of information you become involved with, the more containers you need… UNLESS you can put them all in one place and define them by manipulating their database entries. You don’t have to move the data, but you can distribute it however you want to. I can make as many categories and sub-categories as I like. I can point the car-people to the car-stuff and the bike-people to the bike-stuff.
One of the things that snagged me was that I didn’t realize WordPress was dynamically creating “pages” for archives and categories. When I switched from Blogger, I left my archive folders intact, so WP couldn’t create the new archives on the fly. I tried emptying one of the folders, and even that didn’t work until I deleted that folder, then WP did its thing. I lost a few permalinks, but I’m not concerned about that, because I didn’t have people linking to my pages anyway. They can just re-find the pages they’re interested in in their new locations. 😀
Updating is MUCH faster with WP. None of that waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, WAAAAITNG!!! to see if Blogger decides to go all the way to 100 to post your entire blog, or whether you have to start all over or wait until it’s not the middle of the day :/ I haven’t gotten anywhere near plugins and backgrounds and trackbacks, blah blah blah, but there’s definitely more ‘room to breathe’ with WordPress, and my time was well spent making the changeover.