Bill Cammack

United Press International recently posted that Dr. Bliss Kaneshiro and professor Marie Harvey published a report in Obstetrics & Gynecology which stated:

CORVALLIS, Ore., Oct. 31 (UPI) — Overweight women are more likely to report having sex with men than women considered to be of “normal weight,” U.S. researchers said.

So, of course, The Kid was like ” um… a DUH!… No Kidding? :D ” hahaha So then I read on…

UPI: The study, published in Obstetrics & Gynecology, contradicted widely held stereotypes that overweight and obese women are not as sexually active as other women. If anything, the researchers concluded the opposite seems to be true.

“These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case,” Kaneshiro said in a statement.

hahaha So since it’s not clear to the scientific community what’s going on in the real world, here are the top 5 reasons why overweight women have more sex:

1) Overweight women give it up easier

Even the guys that don’t know *ANYTHING* about women know that the worse she looks, the easier it is to have sex with her. Science has nothing to do with it, unless you count “path of least resistance”.

First of all, given an ordinary situation where an environment has overweight women and women of “normal weight” ( don’t complain to ME! It’s in the report! :D ), guys are going to go after the “normal” women… I mean ALL.OF.THE.GUYS are going to go after the “normal” women. They will pass by overweight women in order to kick it to the same “normal” woman that three or four guys are already surrounding. You know I’m right… You’ve seen it yourself! :D This leads to lots of instances of overweight women not getting on AT.ALL when they’re in a room full of men. This makes overweight women far less likely to pass up an invitation to get busy. It’s like the difference between handing someone a glass of water in the supermarket and handing them the same glass of water in the desert. It’s a WRAP!

This also leads us to #2…

2) Overweight women are more aggressive towards men

After a few dozen times of being ignored while their girlfriends come home with like eight numbers and got their drinks bought for them all night, overweight women get the clue that if they’re going to get some, they have to make it happen on their own. Therefore, you’re going to have way more overweight women than “normal” women pressing up on guys and trying to give them some. Guys aren’t too likely to pass up free and easy sex, so the deal was pretty much done as soon as she decided she was going to give it up to SOMEBODY tonight.

3) Overweight women have lower self-esteem

As good as our patriarchal society is at convincing women that they’re sluts and whores, it’s even better at convincing women that they don’t look good. This is useful so that they can sell women makeup, new clothes all the time, new shoes, weight-loss programs, other drugs, therapy, gym memberships, etc, etc. Every so many years, a body type is decided upon that’s attractive, and everyone else sucks. Lately, they’ve been convincing women that they’re supposed to look like starving, drug-addicted, bulimic models, when the United States is now like the most overweight nation in the entire galaxy.

Hopefully, at some point, they’ll start teaching women to look as good AS THEY CAN based on how they look right now instead of trying to get them to look like someone else with a completely different body type. Until that time, the pressure that they put on women that look AT ALL different from the prototype of what they have decided is an attractive woman makes overweight women much easier to convince to lay down……. or get on the kitchen table or whatever you had planned for your evening.

The ‘funny’ thing is that guys don’t realize that ATTRACTIVE women have low self-esteem as well, so they’re really just as easy. This leads us to #4…

4) Guys are not intimidated to ask overweight women for sex

Guys are just as afraid of rejection as gals are. Unfortunately for guys, most of the time, it’s US that has to step to the chick and let her know what time it is. Because guys have to do all the work, they’re going to choose their battles. The easier they think it’s going to be to get on, the less nervous they’ll be, and the more likely they’ll be to press up on the chick and let her know what they want.

Consequently, overweight women get more propositions for sex than “normal” women.

This is what most likely confused the good doctors! :D They would think that the more attractive a woman is, the more propositions she gets. That’s not true. The more attractive she is, the more intimidated guys are to kick it to her and the FEWER propositions she gets. Meanwhile, since guys don’t really care one way or the other whether overweight women give them some or not, it’s easier for them to kick that game, because if she doesn’t go for it… who cares? :D

5) “Normal” women are too busy blackmailing guys into “relationships” to get laid

Women basically do the same thing men do… Regardless of what women look like, they want to hook up with the top guys. They all want to have that picket-fence, two-car-garage fantasy with a guy that’s attractive and makes money and doesn’t cheat on them, blah blah blah. While that’s not readily available to overweight women, “normal” women have TOO MANY CHOICES available to them, which stifles their progress in getting laid.

Having several viable suitors simultaneously available forces women into a state of choosing the best one. This delays her getting laid until she weeds out the competition. Once she narrows it down to one guy and updates her Facebook status to claim that she’s in a relationship, she THEN has to delay having sex with him until she’s sure he wants her for her mind………… Yeah… Right! :D

After that, she gets to have sex with him until she figures out he’s been cheating on her and then after she dumps him, she has to go through her traditional mourning period of 1/3 the time that she was IN the relationship with him before she starts the cycle all over with multiple suitors that she’s actively avoiding having sex with.

Meanwhile, overweight women don’t suffer under such delusions and illusions and are free to live their lives as life presents itself to them. ‘Matter of fact, as I mentioned above, they’re ACTIVELY seeking guys to have sex with. :) On top of that, with their increased amount of time in the octagon, overweight women are more likely to attain at least one sexual skill that she can get a dude SPRUNG with (aka “pussywhipped”). This is why, a lot of times, dudes step to overweight women intending to ‘hit it and quit it’ and end up falling for the okey-doke! hahahaha :D

This, of course, leads to his breakup with the “normal” chick he was dating, because he only intended to have sex with the overweight woman until his girlfriend “came around” and started giving it up. Ah Well… C’est La vie!

So anyway… Those are the five BLATANTLY OBVIOUS reasons why overweight women have more sex. I’ve GOT to mention, though that UPI saved the DUMBEST LINE of the entire article for the very end:

UPI: “This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counseling on unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease prevention, regardless of body mass index,” Kaneshiro said.

ummmm… WHAT? You needed a STUDY to figure THAT out???? smh :D

~Bill

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Reader Karima W. called my attention to this New York Times article about Japan’s efforts to keep its population slim.

The short version is that they’re measuring people’s waistlines to make sure they’re not over ~35″… for those of you not in the know, that “ sign means inches, so they want people in Japan’s waists to be slimmer than one leg of a chick from Washington, DC.

[side note: Cancel all trips to DC for the next 6 months...]

Anyway…. They’re measuring people’s waists, and if they’re over ~35″, they receive instructions on how to go on a diet. If they don’t get that weight off after 6 months, they get BETTER dieting instruction, hahaha. There are fines if they don’t achieve these goals… not to THEM, but to the companies that hire them or the towns they live in. SOMEBODY will have to PAY if these people don’t lose weight. The reason for this is that they don’t want their healthcare costs to rise as people “allow themselves” to become fat and then have extra health problems because of that.

Needless to say, this would not work in the USA… nope. This is because the USA is one of the only places in the world where you can be broke and fat at the same time.

See, this’ll work in Japan, because if you don’t lose the weight, you get fired. If you get fired, you start to starve, meaning you lose weight and meaning you can get a job with a different company, because now, you’re under the waistline limit.

If you get fired for your weight in the USA, you don’t have to go to work, so you sit around eating what your girl brings home off of food stamps and her WIC check (Women wih Infant Children, for those not… in the know), and you get fatter than you ever were before.

Now, I don’t know what’s going on over there in Japan, but it’s probably how they let them build a bunch of McDonald’s franchises over there. I’ve had Sushi before, and I just can’t see how people could get fat eating that.

Besides all that, how did they determine that the measurement of someone’s waistline was the prime indicator of their health? How is that fair when you place one Japanese woman with no ass next to a Japanese woman with some bounce to the ounce? Some junk in the trunk? Are they judged the same way, because they have the same waistline measurement? What if the thicker chick is in fantastic shape and the thinner chick is flabby… but, again, they have the same waist measurements?

Hmm… Wait a minute… Maybe they’re onto something. Let me not be hasty…..

…….

ok… So let’s say you hook up with a significant other, and you like the way he or she looks, right… So you get them to sign a contract… And it’s like when people curse.

You know how when people curse, they have to put a quarter in the jar? Yeah… You weigh your SO every couple of weeks, and the amount that they’re over their contracted weight, they have to kick in so many dollars to the Weightist Fund. Hear me out now, this is getting good! :D The heavier they get, the more they have to pay, so by the end of like 6 months, you can afford to put them in the gym for the rest of the year!

Now, your SO’s probably a cheapskate anyway, so in order to avoid paying all this money, they’ll take it upon themselves to exercise or at least buy a wii. Yeah. This is kind of like insurance. Insurance against the old bait & switch, the old “marry me and then sit around eating bon bons” trick (or in the case of the fellaz, the old “marry me and then sit around drinking beer and watching television” trick).

If it’s good enough for the UFC, it should be good enough for you and your SO, right? :) Before the fight, you have the weigh-ins. If you make the weight and your opponent doesn’t, you can decline to fight them. Same deal with the Weight Contract that you and your SO sign off on at the beginning of the relationship. If she gets over a certain size… you’re not obliged to hit it! :D And she can’t get mad at you, either, because it’s right there in black and white. A deal’s A deal! Just point at the paper, point at the scale and go back to watching the game! :D

Anyway, Japan’s bugging out. Imagine if they found a way to FORCE Americans to be healthy. That would totally ruin the game for those of us that depend upon the fact that so many people remove themselves from the procreationally desirable population. Preposterous! I mean, come on. Imagine if they made every chick in the USA looked like Mya. It would be an absolute…

Do we have any contacts in Japan? I think we can work this thing out…

DatingGenius