Bill Cammack » pay

Street Game 05: Who Should Pay For The Date?

Bill Cammack — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:30:42 +0000

Listen / Download => Street Game 05: Who Should Pay For The Date? [21:01]

Bill & Frank’s audio podcast derived from the DatingGenius dating advice blog.

More Episodes: http://billcammack.com/category/datinggenius/streetgame/

“Hard To Get” vs “Expensive To Buy”

Bill Cammack — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 15:23:03 +0000

Let’s talk about women that like to play “Hard to get”. :D

While I was reading the comments on a blog post the other day, I came across an interesting passage:

Lucretia: There’s an old adage that says a man walks up to a woman and says “would you sleep with me?” and she looks offended and says “no!” and he says “okay, would you sleep with me for $1,000,000?” and she says “well, of course!” and he replies with “now that we’ve established what kind of woman you are, let’s talk price.”

Not only is this hilarious, but it illustrates EXACTLY the process that guys go through when they’re dealing with women they want to have sex with. Obviously, they’re not going to offer $1,000,000, because a) this isn’t the film “Indecent Proposal” and b) our boy “Client-9″ has already established for us that you can buy chicks AND import them from out of state for a mere $4,000. :D

Nevertheless, ladies, the fact remains that regardless of what your price is, YOU DO NOT want guys to get the idea that you’re selling ass.

The reason I bring this up is that a lot of women are confused about what “playing hard to get” means. “Hard to get” is a state of mind… it’s a way of being, or a lifestyle. It means that you apply your own personal power and intelligence to CHOOSE whom you have sex with. It means that he’s going to have to be an extraordinary person for you to consider having sex with this guy…. You want to make sure that at the end of the day, you had sex for the right reasons, your self-esteem remains intact and his respect for you remains intact. “Hard to get” has to do with YOUR MIND. It has NOTHING to do with MONEY.

See, this is why it’s called PLAYING “Hard to get”. You’re not ACTUALLY hard to get… You just want to convince other people (or perhaps yourself) that you are. The style women often play that they THINK is “Hard to get” is actually “Expensive to buy”.

“Expensive to buy” leaves you in the position of having as much personal power as a plasma television. Similar to Lucretia’s example (though, at much lower rates), the guy’s job was twofold… a) figuring out what your price is, and b) deciding whether he’s willing to pay that much to have you. See… Basically, you’re like layaway:

“Layaway, also referred to as lay-by in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and Great Britain, is a way to purchase an item without paying the entire cost at once. However, rather than taking the item home and then repaying the debt on a regular schedule, as in most installment plans or hire purchases, the layaway customer does not receive the item until it is completely paid for.”

Notice how that leaves your personality and mentality out of the equation, entirely? This is why you want to AVOID the perception of being a woman who sells ass, and make sure that guys understand that you’re going to do what YOU want to do WHEN you want to do it and that what they do for you can gain them FAVOR, but ultimately, if they get on AT ALL, it’ll be because you decided from your own discretion and personal power that you feel like giving this guy some.

Here’s how you can tell if you’re not ACTUALLY playing “Hard to get”…. If you have criteria in your mind for “giving it up” that the guy you’re thinking about can effortlessly fulfill, you’re playing “Expensive to buy”. Actually, in a lot of cases, you’re even playing “Cheap to buy”, depending on his current cash flow.

As a side note, I used to work for the government, which means that you get to rub elbows with people from all social classes, from the branch director all the way down to the secretaries and security guards. On payday, my lower-class friends would cash their checks… meaning they would go to a bank, hand them the check and receive cash which represented the last two weeks that they worked. So now, these guys, whose pockets were normally perfectly flat and empty had a literal WAD of cash in their pockets. An actual BANKROLL. Along with this bankroll came an extra pep in their step and Cheshire Cat grins a mile wide, because they knew damn well that they were about to get laid. This is the elation that fuels songs like Johnny Kemp’s “Just Got Paid (Friday Night)”. Now, this is great for the fellaz, but disastrous for the ladies, because it’s clear to these guys that some women are for sale. Not in the Client-9 fashion, but TODAY they can afford to provide whatever it is you require to lay down with them.

Here are some examples (by definition of “effortless fulfillment”) of when you THOUGHT you were playing “Hard to get”, but you weren’t. :D If you refused to hook up with him because you liked him and thought he was sexy and wanted to share a good time with him, but you gave it up after he:

Took you shopping ($200)
Told you he loved you (Free)
Took you to dinner ($60)
Waited three weeks (Free, except for whatever cash he spent “dating” you until you finally came around)
Bought you a drink ($7)
Told you he wasn’t dating anyone else (Free)

See what I mean? The difference between you giving it up and “NOT” was something he gave you or did for you, not *your* state of mind. Unfortunately for you, while you consider stuff like this “I made him do what I wanted”, he sees it as “I paid her what she requested”. This is why it’s better to either hook up with him when you FEEL LIKE IT (which might be immediately), because you WANT TO, or even to accept the dates and drinks and clothes and trips and NOT give him some, so you don’t come off as being bought. Believe You Me… There are LOTS of guys that would drop $200 on a chick in a split second if they knew they were going to get on after that. I’ve seen guys drop $600 in a single night in a strip club, so if you think he considers you a holdout or “not easy” because you didn’t give him any until he took you to Miami for the weekend, think again. That money he’s dropping is all in the game… He’s just waiting until he hits your price. :D

As I noted in the list, instead of money, your price might be verbal/emotional. If every time your so-called boyfriend wants to hook up with you, your response is to block him with “Do you love me?”, sooner or later, he’s going to LIE and say that he does, which will result in your panties automatically removing themselves from your person. Same thing goes for meeting your parents or your closest girlfriends. Same thing goes for walking your dog or cuddling with your cat on the couch. Ultimately, the ends justify the means and whatever barriers you think you’re stacking in front of him, he’s gonna climb over them to get to The Promised Land. Once again, you’re better off giving him some from a position of your own personal power than having him think that he FINALLY tricked you into dropping your drawers.

Speaking of drawer-dropping… If you can’t hold your liquor, either don’t bother playing “Hard to get” AT ALL, or make sure you never become extremely inebriated around guys that you’re physically attracted to. As soon as a guy figures out you’re “good to go” after a certain amount of drinks, all other rapping tactics cease and desist. No more shopping sprees, No more late night creeps, No more VIP, No more dough… :D Scottie will divert all of the ship’s dilithium crystals and funds towards getting you drunk. Avoid these situations by either not drinking at all or getting the bartender to add water to your drink while he’s watching the thong contest.

Another good thing you could do to not come off as purchasable is “Go Dutch” or pay for dates yourself. That whole “Guys pay for dates” thing is based on back in the day, when women couldn’t have jobs or own land, so they were dependent upon their suitors to “make them an honest woman” so they didn’t become Old Maids. That’s from back in the day when the cavemen had to go hunt for the food and you had to sit in the cave, hoping you didn’t starve to death. Those days are over. Sistahs are doing it for themselves, YA HEARD? :D Reach for that wallet and pay for half of the dinner or the drink tab or the trip or whatever you just did. That way, when YOU DECIDE to do the right thing and get with the program, he doesn’t get to feel like he’s finally getting what you owed him from all the money he shelled out. He has to recognize that you chose to get with him from your own personal power, and nothing he could have done would have bought you. That’s actually better than playing “Hard to get”… that’s BEING a discerning and powerful woman.

~Bill

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Don’t Play Yourself

Bill Cammack — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 19:55:39 +0000

Twice in the last week, I’ve had an experience I haven’t had in a long time… Waiting on a line to get into a bar/club.

I don’t wait on lines, basically for two reasons. If I’m going somewhere on my own, I’m not going to stand in a line to get into a location that has the exact same chicks that are outside in the street, in the bar next door with no line, at the pizza shop right now having a slice, in the subway, in the supermarket etc etc etc. Merely by logic, there’s more physical space OUTSIDE that establishment than there is INSIDE it, so, actually, by going into a bar or club, I’m DECREASING the number of available chicks instead of INCREASING that number. So… Let me get this straight… You want me to wait on a line so I can be around FEWER chicks with LESS light and MORE noise so I can’t hear them, can’t see them and there are fewer of them to hear and see? Nah. :D

The other reason is that the people I hang out with don’t normally select places like that for get-togethers. This week was different. TWICE, I ended up waiting on lines to get into a spot, and I got to re-absorb some line-culture.

One of the things that’s annoying, yet completely understandable about lines for bars/clubs in NYC is that chicks are treated differently from guys. The reason it’s understandable is that by the time guys are on a line to get in a club, it’s usually after midnight. This usually means they’re already drunk. You do NOT want to leave chicks on a line with a bunch of drunk guys, because they’ll get harassed until they exit the line and walk away from your club. That’s no good, because if this keeps happening, the word’s gonna get out about your spot that you don’t take care of the ladies, and then you start to lose business.

Another reason to get chicks in the door, ASAP is that they’re bait. The more chicks you have inside, the more guys are buying those girls drinks, trying to get on. The obviously desired effects being 1) the chick feels goodwill towards you because “you did something nice for her” by buying her a drink, and 2) a SHARP decline in her ability to remember that she just met you or that she has a boyfriend at home. So the more chicks you let in, the more money you make, because you’re multiplying the number of drinks guys are buying, per minute.

Interestingly enough, using chicks as bait is a good reason NOT to let them skip the line, because if you use the style I just mentioned, you end up with a line outside your club of all guys, indicating that your bull****-ass club doesn’t pull any females, or “it ain’t that kinda party”….. Neither implication’s good for your business, so you need to find a balance…. well… I mean… unless it AIN’T that kinda party…..

So I’m standing there on a line last night, and I happened to have arrived at the spot right after these three chicks did. So there’s a line of guys, three chicks and then me. I had just come from another party, so I was feelin’ aiiite :) and didn’t bother to start watching my own podcast on my iPod Nano. Because of this, I became aware of the chattering of the chicks in front of me. They were obviously confused about something. Bewildered. Not to be confused with Befoogled.

Shifting to the side so I could see the furrow in one of the chick’s brows and watch her lips move so I could detect which lines were coming from her so I could make some sense of the chatter, I realized that they were not only confused, but UPSET that they had to wait on line to get in. Of course, I found this hilarious and tuned in for the fun. :D

So they’re switching between commiserating about not getting in and yelling statements to the bouncer (this guy was an actual “BOUNCER”, not these “doormen” that they place in front of clubs because they look stylish and completely unathletic. It’s the doorman’s job to scream into his little earpiece for the REAL SECURITY to come save him if some ish jumps off outside. :D) about why he should let them in. Regardless of how they framed it, their entire case was “We’re Girls!”. smh So here are these idiots, standing out in the street in Manhattan, NYC stating the obvious. It was perfectly obvious that they were all females. I’m sure the bouncer was aware of that. Each time they tried and didn’t receive any preferential treatment, they just got madder. :)

Adding fuel to the fire, another annoying-yet-understandable feature of line-culture is that people that know the doorman get in regardless of what the doorman just told YOU. The basic reason doormen like to give about making people wait to get in is that it’s too crowded inside, which is a valid issue to be concerned about. However, when they tell you that you have to wait until people LEAVE to get in, and then nobody leaves, and somebody hops out of a cab with four other people, shakes the doorman’s hand and enters the establishment with his/her entire party, you’re like WTF? But… That’s how it goes. If you don’t like it, don’t patronize establishments that deal with people on an unfair basis.

Meanwhile, some guys had now joined the line, and they had their own problems. Apparently, one of them had offered the doorman $20 to let him and his friends skip the line. This is a valid tactic, done by palming the money, then shaking the doorman’s hand. If he accepts the bill from you, he’ll let you and your friends in and it looks like you knew him to anyone that doesn’t perceive the exchange. So now, I’m laughing even more, because I’m virtually SURROUNDED by people that can’t believe they have to wait on a line! :D

Next thing that happens is this guy walks up with two chicks and starts talking to the three gals that are on line in front of me. He asks them the OBVIOUS, COMMON-SENSE question:

“What are you doing standing on a line when there are four other bars on this same block?”

This is the point I was making earlier. The only reason *I* was standing on the line was that the people who I came to see were inside that particular bar. So they start complaining to this guy, something to the effect of the bouncer being defective for not letting girls skip the line and go right into the bar without waiting. So he’s looking at them like they’re idiots and invites them to roll with him and the other two chicks to go down the street to some spot without a line. So after all that complaining and time-wasting, the girls get off the line (better for me, thanks! :)) and walk away while shouting at the bouncer stuff like “Now you have a line with all GUYS on it!”

Amazing! :D Such entertainment! Free! On the streets of Manhattan! :D

I would have SO missed out if I had been listening to Brett performing “The Hand That Feeds” on my Nano! haha

ReelSolid.TV episode 314

Now, in this particular case, the “problem” was that the bouncer was doing his job. His job is to regulate the flow of people into and out of the club as well as let in the people that he knows he’s supposed to let in, because if he doesn’t, they’re going to text/call someone who’s going to MAKE HIM let them in, AND he’s going to get in trouble for not recognizing the VIPs. It was smart of him not to compromise his integrity by accepting $20 from that guy to skip the line. Situations like that lead to people feeling disrespectfully towards the doorman, because “he can be bought”. You don’t want people feeling like that, especially drunk people, because then you might actually HAVE TO bounce them. It’s better for them to know you’re not havin’ it, so they keep that in mind when they get inside and act like they know.

For those particular three girls in front of me, they had a different problem. :D

This didn’t register to me as important until I understood what they were clamoring about, but when I shifted to the side to get a direct view of their lips so I could decipher a distinct line of chatter… amongst other things, I noticed that none of them were hot. Not meaning as in temperature, but as in having the level of looks that might motivate someone to offer them preferential treatment. One of them was ok…… The other two were… like… nah. :( Even the ok one wasn’t…….

ok… Like I said before, the reason you want to let chicks skip the line to get in the club is that they’re bait for guys to buy more drinks per minute so you make more money by the end of the night. Unfortunately for these three, they aren’t bait. Not only would guys NOT have been buying them drinks, but these three actually would have been taking up valuable space and simultaneously PREVENTING guys from easily accessing the bar to buy drinks for other chicks, so it was actually better for the club’s “bottom line” NOT to let them in at all. :D

This is what was so laughable and ridiculous about their commiseration and complaining. They didn’t realize that they weren’t up to par to receive the benefits and perks they were yelling for the bouncer to give them. The equivalent would be for me to stand there on line yelling at the bouncer “YO!… I’M A GUY! LET ME IN!” hahahaha The same way it makes no difference AND happens to be obvious that I’m a guy, it was obvious and made no difference that they were [unattractive] girls. Another reason why bouncers/doormen let girls in is that they want to kick it to them in the near future, if not tonight. These three FAILED in that aspect as well, so even if the bouncer hadn’t been strictly doing his job (not accepting bribes, etc), they wouldn’t have had any wins.

Another thing about them constantly running their mouths and acting like there was something wrong with the bouncer for not letting them in is that they were demonstrating that they have bad attitudes. Again, this is only something that HOT chicks can get away with. Being that he doesn’t care what she thinks anyway, the reason a guy tolerates a chick’s pathetic behavior is that she’s really attractive to him and/or he enjoys having sex with her. Letting chicks with crabby personalities into your bar is *NOT* going to help “the bottom line”. When guys talk about it the next day (or, in this case, blog about it the next day :) ), they’re going to say that when they went to your spot, there were a bunch of unattractive females with lame personalities = you lose business. There are literally too many extra women in this town to interact with unintelligent or crabby females…. 210,820 extra, to be exact! :D

So… Instead of stating the obvious, they should have just STFU and acted like they had some CLASS, and maybe the bouncer would have decided that they were chill and hooked them up. Also, walking away shouting insults at the bouncer who you were just *BEGGING* to let you in the club isn’t a smart move at all. That’s as dumb as those guys that stand out in the street calling women beautiful and lovely, and then when the women walk right by, the same guys start hurling insults. What sense does that make? Really.

Anyway, fortunately for me, the people that I hang out with seek out easily accessible locations. The less crowded the better, because we go out in groups to begin with and who knows how many people are going to eventually join the party? If it’s a private party we’re going to, there’s STILL no line, just names on the guest list. It WAS rather interesting to watch those chicks get indignant because of their sense of entitlement to special treatment merely for being females. :) The other time this week that I was on a line, there were lots of women waiting and they all cheerfully spoke with each other to pass the time until they got in. If these particular three would have understood that the ability to skip the line is a COURTESY and not something they’re ENTITLED TO, they would have carried themselves differently and had a much better chance of achieving their goals for the evening.

DatingGenius

Bill Cammack » pay

Street Game 05: Who Should Pay For The Date?

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