Do Women Outnumber Men in NYC?

Reader “Ford” left a comment on my “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating” and pointed out an interesting article by Jonathan Soma which talks about why there aren’t really 210,820 more single women than men in NYC.

I think Jonathan’s interactive map is fascinating and his article is well-written. I’d like to talk about a few of the points he makes.

oh… This isn’t going to be funny. This is going to be technical. If you’re looking for your daily email simpleton joke, click the “back” button on your browser, now. πŸ˜€

JS: Take those 210k ladies and spread them over the entire NYC-New Jersey-Nothern PA area and what’ve you got? Answer: not that much! Your odds of meeting a single woman in the general population is 10% better in Ashville, NC.

This may or may not be true. I have no actual opinion, because I’ve never been to Ashville, NC. I’ve been to quite a few hic towns, though, and you’re much better off having way more women spread out over a vast area than a few women concentrated in a bumpkin area. ( lol, for all I know, Ashville, NC is a sprawling metropolis, hahaha πŸ˜€ )

The reason for this is “flow”. In NYC, all the women that are spread out all over creation have to come to certain places to do certain things. Because of this, all you have to do is go to a popular shopping area or a section of town that employs a lot of attractive women, and they bring themselves to you. You actually end up with more women and a better variety in the same amount of space. This is why construction workers have a field day with catcalling in this town.

Another reason is “turnover”. There are always new chicks in this town. If you exhaust the number of chicks in one area, you start hanging out in a different area. If you hang out in Times Square, there are tons of new foreign tourists every day as well as bumpkins imported from all over the USA to come see The Capital Of The World, NYC. πŸ˜€

Another reason is that New Yorkers WALK… A LOT! People that live in the country DRIVE a lot, so while they’re technically in a smaller area than what we have here, they NEVER meet each other… only passing by each other like the proverbial “ships in the night”.

So I’ll take a bunch of chicks scattered around… There’s another problem with “the sticks”. People tend to know each other. If you date like eight chicks, you can’t get away from them, because they never move from that town and they work at the general store where you have to go to buy your gasoline. In NYC, you get to start over every single night. Every night, you meet someone new and potentially exciting that you’d like to get to know more about or spend some fun times with. You don’t even have to THINK about chicks you met yesterday or last week, because there are always more for today and tomorrow. That’s one of the reasons I have the luxury of writing this blog. It doesn’t matter. No matter how many women read DatingGenius and sit there thinking “Ewwwww… I would NEVER date HIM!!! πŸ™ “, it doesn’t matter. There are always more chicks that have never heard of me, so I can do whatever I want. πŸ˜€

JS: I’m going to be honest, I’m not too into dating someone 40 years older than me. Overly selective, I know, but a common enough thought that we come to the second problem with the original map: It counted all singles between the ages of 20-64.

hehehehehe Yes, this is a TREMENDOUS flaw! πŸ˜€ Totally agreed that a “map of singles” should make a range available to the viewer that’s relevant to that viewer’s dating tastes.

Having said that, let’s not discount the older sistaz that are keepin’ it PROPPAH and still having the fellaz tryinna TAP THAT! πŸ˜€ Guys like to talk a lot of yang about older women they wouldn’t kick it with, but when they meet one that’s still pretty and in tremendous physical shape… OH, and with a nice personality, intelligence & common sense!!! (winks at Grace, Jen & Annie πŸ˜‰ ) … All that “thinking” seems to go out the window, doesn’t it?

JS: Ladies: After your mid 40’s, you will be fighting tooth and nail for the nine or ten single men.

Gents: Single men become a rare commodity later in life, and we all know what happens then. They don’t call it Perfectly Inelastic Supply for nothing!

I think it was Rodney Dangerfield who said “I love college women. I keep getting older, they stay the same age! πŸ˜€ “. This is one of the problems for women. Guys in general like younger women, so the older a guy gets, the more women he finds acceptable to date or screw or whatever. The older a woman gets, the FEWER options she has as far as companionship.

Again, however, age isn’t the most important factor here. A chick could be 23, and if she falls off, physically, she’s going to have way fewer suitors than she did when she was HAWT.

JS: Gals: Do single young girls exist? Not according to math! Fact: around 1/3 of 20-24 year old women are married. Only 70% are single!

This doesn’t really matter. The word “single” just implies “available for sex”. This means that the survey is only going to show the number of women who DECLARED themselves available for sex. Just because a chick has a boyfriend or is married doesn’t mean she’s not gonna give it up, so the number of females OVERALL in an area is more important than the number who were willing to declare themselves “single” for a survey.

This is another reason why it’s better to be in NYC than in the sticks. More women = More opportunity. Period.

JS: The switchover from extra men to extra women starts at 35-39 for most big East Coast cities, but doesn’t hit New York until 40-44.

This is a very interesting statistic. I can see how the “singles map” would be misleading if it were heavily weighted with “singles” between 40 and 62 years of age. So, yes, overall, very interesting breakdown of the singles map, and “nice job”, Jonathan Soma. πŸ˜€

Now… Let’s talk about reality

The fact of the matter is that numbers or no numbers, whether there are 210,820 extra single females or 15 extra single females, if you’re in the trenches and on the streets of NYC, you will see with your own eyes that there are literally PACKS of women roaming the streets with NO MEN and nothing to do with their lives other than work, shop and eat.

Go to the stores, and who’s working there? Women. Go to the colleges, and who’s studying there? Women. Walk down the street, Hang out in the Park, Get on the subway or bus, Go to Brooklyn where the hippies live…. Anywhere you go, there are just TONS of women. You literally can’t throw a rock in NYC without hitting a chick. πŸ˜€

Women have no leverage in this town, because they’re expendable merely by available numbers. I took a walk this morning and passed an attractive female and told her “good morning”. She returned a begrudging “good morning” and we both went about our business. I may see her again in life and I may not. Does it matter? No. Why not? Because there are another thousand of her roaming around this town somewhere. She wasn’t unique in her attractiveness and I didn’t know anything about her as a person, so nobody cares.

This is why my “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating” is relevant regardless of the validity of that map I linked to. It’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE for a woman here to distinguish herself as unique in the normal ways that women get men all over the country and the world. There’s a girl on the next block who’s prettier than you. There’s a girl on the next block that has a better ass than you. There’s a girl on the next block that has fewer kids than you. There’s a girl on the next block that makes more money than you or dresses better than you or is better at sex than you etc etc etc.

The only way a woman’s going to stand out amongst the myriad attractive female residents of and visitors to this town is going to be by her stellar personality, so, my advice to women stands:

1) Be a nice person
2) Have interesting things to say
3) Eat when you go out to a restaurant
4) Be athletic
5) LOOK GOOD!

Thanks for the comment and the information about that post, “Ford”. Cheers! πŸ˜€

~Bill

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Pecking Order / Play Your Position

Guys don’t like to follow the rules when they try to meet girls in a group. There’s a pecking order which has been automatically determined by the individual characteristics of each of the guys YOU chose to hang out with on this particular run. Whether you know it or not, what’s going to happen for you this evening is not just LUCK, but it’s also a function of the ‘team’ you’ve assembled. TEAM is in quotes, because it’s usually actually a motley crew, and there’s really no TEAMWORK involved in the entire evening. My suggestion is that you a) Figure out your standing amongst your homeboys, b) Play Your Position and c) Act Like You Know! πŸ˜€

Wikipedia has this to say about Dominance Hierarchies:

A dominance hierarchy or social hierarchy is an organizational form by which individuals within a community control the distribution of resources within the community. Dominance hierarchies are formed when a group of individuals belonging to the same species share a territory.

Dominance hierarchies can be despotic or linear. In a despotic hierarchy, one individual controls all the other individuals. In a linear hierarchy, of which the classic example of pecking order in hens is often cited, each individual has a rank in the hierarchy.

Dominance hierarchies occur in most social animal species, including primates who normally live in groups. Dominance hierarchies have been extensively studied in fish, birds, and mammals. Dominance hierarchies can be simple linear structures, which often arise from the physical differences among individuals in a group in relation to their access to resources. They are also influenced by the complex social interactions among individuals in the group.

Like I said, the dominance hierarchy is set up automatically. It’s merely the difference between who YOU are, and who the guy next to you is. You don’t have to agree to it or even LIKE it. It’s a fact. Forget about the guys you don’t even know that are going to be there… Depending on whom you hang out with, you might be bringing your worst competition WITH YOU to the party. πŸ˜€ This is why the intelligent group knows who the top dogs are and acts accordingly.

While this article’s mainly for the fellaz, it applies to the chicks also. If you *INSIST* on hanging out with girls magnitudes more physically attractive than you are, do NOT expect to be the first chick rapped to when you meet a bunch of guys… EVAR! πŸ˜€ Life isn’t fair. It’s not HER TURN this week and YOUR TURN next week, hahaha it’s ALWAYS *HER* turn. Recognize… and Act Like You Know. πŸ™‚

Your social life will be much better when you realize and accept your position in the crew. You can stop banging your head against brick walls and ease back and enjoy the perks of NOT being the team leader. Your role is support. You’re there to assist the team leader in MAKING IT HAPPEN! What you are *NOT* there to do is battle with the top dog(s) for girls you will never pull over them in the first place.

The way we live in the USA, and especially in New York City, everybody wants the best of everything. This leads to massive amounts of competition. Kickin’ it to chicks is no exception. Every gal you meet has a specific set of likes and dislikes she’s consciously or subconsciously operating from. Off the bat, you’re at an advantage or disadvantage compared to the next man. Does that mean you CAN’T get the rap if you start out on the losing end? Hellz Naw! πŸ˜€ You’ll be in a much better position to operate if you recognize the game and play it where it lays.

You lose if:

  • She likes taller guys and you’re shorter
  • She likes athletic guys and you’re out of shape
  • She likes rich guys and you’re broke
  • She likes original guys and you’re derivative
  • She likes smart guys and you’re an idiot
  • She likes funny guys and your jokes are dry as hell
  • He’s driving a Caddy, you’re fixin’ a Ford

You get the picture. Now if the guy trumping you isn’t a friend of yours, you’re in for a loooooong night if you still insist on trying to pull that female. If he IS your friend, then all you need is some strategy. Unfortunately for you, not being the top dog, that “strategy” might mean you don’t get the rap to that chick AT.ALL! haha However, for playing your position and facilitating the rap of the team leader, you will receive perks… trickle-down… the extra chicks that flock to the team leader, but can’t kick it to him because their girl is trying to get on! πŸ˜€

Sometimes, trickle-down is the BEST THING EVER!!! Sometimes, the hottest chicks aren’t there yet when you and your crew arrive. As soon as the team leaders choose ladies to rap to, they’re locked in. When that better-looking homegirl shows up, the leaders have to “eat that” and introduce them to the guys that have been holding off the cockblockers for them. hahahahaha CHA-CHING!!! $$$$$ πŸ˜€

If you refuse to play your position and take what you can get, you make things tougher for ALL of your friends to get on. Sure, healthy competition’s good when you first walk in the door, but when you see she’s digging your friend, step to the left and let him get some light. When you see that extra chick eyeballing his conversation, take one for the team and go over there and distract her. Meanwhile, the team leader will see if the gal he’s talking to has a hawt sister or cousin available for you.

The Kid learned this lesson the hard way one day, hahaha. About five of us had descended upon these chicks in a McDonald’s, and I was probably 4th on the totem pole, meaning second from the LAST GUY that should have gotten a rap from those chicks, hahaha. IIRC, the top three guys rolled up on the same girl, or maybe two girls and I had a clear shot to this other one, so I sat down and started saying whatever garbage was in my repertoire at the time.

All of a sudden, from over my left shoulder, MY WORST NIGHTMARE APPEARS, the #1!… Boom! He sits down and starts talking to this chick that I was OOOOOBVIOUSLY talking to solo and her attention disappeared from me, immediately! It was like somebody activated “The Cones of Silence” or like I had disappeared or something. I couldn’t BELIEVE it. I was sooooo mad! πŸ˜€

However, upon tactical discussion after the fact, it became clear to me that a) I hadn’t physically imposed myself upon her position enough for it to look like I was doing anything other than distracting her from the main rap, as the wingman’s *supposed* to do, and b) Just because I got there first didn’t mean she wanted to talk to ME more than the team leader, so the fact that she was so easily distracted meant that I should have just played my position and given him room to operate.

OTOH, sometimes, it’s just The Kid’s day, and there’s nothing anybody can do to stop the bum rush! πŸ˜€ If it’s ON, it’s ON… Which is why I can write stuff like this all year ’round, and I’ll STILL have more female friends than most of y’all have family members! πŸ˜€

Michelle, Marissa, Bill & Lindsey

Anyway… It’s a tough pill to swallow, but trust & believe, it’s in your best interest. Assess your situation, go for what you want, but make sure you have contingency plans. You might have your heart SET on “chick A”, but if she’s feelin’ your homeboy, stop catchin’ feelin’s, facilitate his rap, back his play, associate with the next chick…

Who knows? Looks aren’t everything. You might be getting the better deal! πŸ˜€

DatingGenius
 
 

Don’t Play Yourself

Twice in the last week, I’ve had an experience I haven’t had in a long time… Waiting on a line to get into a bar/club.

I don’t wait on lines, basically for two reasons. If I’m going somewhere on my own, I’m not going to stand in a line to get into a location that has the exact same chicks that are outside in the street, in the bar next door with no line, at the pizza shop right now having a slice, in the subway, in the supermarket etc etc etc. Merely by logic, there’s more physical space OUTSIDE that establishment than there is INSIDE it, so, actually, by going into a bar or club, I’m DECREASING the number of available chicks instead of INCREASING that number. So… Let me get this straight… You want me to wait on a line so I can be around FEWER chicks with LESS light and MORE noise so I can’t hear them, can’t see them and there are fewer of them to hear and see? Nah. πŸ˜€

The other reason is that the people I hang out with don’t normally select places like that for get-togethers. This week was different. TWICE, I ended up waiting on lines to get into a spot, and I got to re-absorb some line-culture.

One of the things that’s annoying, yet completely understandable about lines for bars/clubs in NYC is that chicks are treated differently from guys. The reason it’s understandable is that by the time guys are on a line to get in a club, it’s usually after midnight. This usually means they’re already drunk. You do NOT want to leave chicks on a line with a bunch of drunk guys, because they’ll get harassed until they exit the line and walk away from your club. That’s no good, because if this keeps happening, the word’s gonna get out about your spot that you don’t take care of the ladies, and then you start to lose business.

Another reason to get chicks in the door, ASAP is that they’re bait. The more chicks you have inside, the more guys are buying those girls drinks, trying to get on. The obviously desired effects being 1) the chick feels goodwill towards you because “you did something nice for her” by buying her a drink, and 2) a SHARP decline in her ability to remember that she just met you or that she has a boyfriend at home. So the more chicks you let in, the more money you make, because you’re multiplying the number of drinks guys are buying, per minute.

Interestingly enough, using chicks as bait is a good reason NOT to let them skip the line, because if you use the style I just mentioned, you end up with a line outside your club of all guys, indicating that your bull****-ass club doesn’t pull any females, or “it ain’t that kinda party”….. Neither implication’s good for your business, so you need to find a balance…. well… I mean… unless it AIN’T that kinda party…..

So I’m standing there on a line last night, and I happened to have arrived at the spot right after these three chicks did. So there’s a line of guys, three chicks and then me. I had just come from another party, so I was feelin’ aiiite πŸ™‚ and didn’t bother to start watching my own podcast on my iPod Nano. Because of this, I became aware of the chattering of the chicks in front of me. They were obviously confused about something. Bewildered. Not to be confused with Befoogled.

Shifting to the side so I could see the furrow in one of the chick’s brows and watch her lips move so I could detect which lines were coming from her so I could make some sense of the chatter, I realized that they were not only confused, but UPSET that they had to wait on line to get in. Of course, I found this hilarious and tuned in for the fun. πŸ˜€

So they’re switching between commiserating about not getting in and yelling statements to the bouncer (this guy was an actual “BOUNCER”, not these “doormen” that they place in front of clubs because they look stylish and completely unathletic. It’s the doorman’s job to scream into his little earpiece for the REAL SECURITY to come save him if some ish jumps off outside. :D) about why he should let them in. Regardless of how they framed it, their entire case was “We’re Girls!”. smh So here are these idiots, standing out in the street in Manhattan, NYC stating the obvious. It was perfectly obvious that they were all females. I’m sure the bouncer was aware of that. Each time they tried and didn’t receive any preferential treatment, they just got madder. πŸ™‚

Adding fuel to the fire, another annoying-yet-understandable feature of line-culture is that people that know the doorman get in regardless of what the doorman just told YOU. The basic reason doormen like to give about making people wait to get in is that it’s too crowded inside, which is a valid issue to be concerned about. However, when they tell you that you have to wait until people LEAVE to get in, and then nobody leaves, and somebody hops out of a cab with four other people, shakes the doorman’s hand and enters the establishment with his/her entire party, you’re like WTF? But… That’s how it goes. If you don’t like it, don’t patronize establishments that deal with people on an unfair basis.

Meanwhile, some guys had now joined the line, and they had their own problems. Apparently, one of them had offered the doorman $20 to let him and his friends skip the line. This is a valid tactic, done by palming the money, then shaking the doorman’s hand. If he accepts the bill from you, he’ll let you and your friends in and it looks like you knew him to anyone that doesn’t perceive the exchange. So now, I’m laughing even more, because I’m virtually SURROUNDED by people that can’t believe they have to wait on a line! πŸ˜€

Next thing that happens is this guy walks up with two chicks and starts talking to the three gals that are on line in front of me. He asks them the OBVIOUS, COMMON-SENSE question:

“What are you doing standing on a line when there are four other bars on this same block?”

This is the point I was making earlier. The only reason *I* was standing on the line was that the people who I came to see were inside that particular bar. So they start complaining to this guy, something to the effect of the bouncer being defective for not letting girls skip the line and go right into the bar without waiting. So he’s looking at them like they’re idiots and invites them to roll with him and the other two chicks to go down the street to some spot without a line. So after all that complaining and time-wasting, the girls get off the line (better for me, thanks! :)) and walk away while shouting at the bouncer stuff like “Now you have a line with all GUYS on it!”

Amazing! πŸ˜€ Such entertainment! Free! On the streets of Manhattan! πŸ˜€

I would have SO missed out if I had been listening to Brett performing “The Hand That Feeds” on my Nano! haha


ReelSolid.TV episode 314

Now, in this particular case, the “problem” was that the bouncer was doing his job. His job is to regulate the flow of people into and out of the club as well as let in the people that he knows he’s supposed to let in, because if he doesn’t, they’re going to text/call someone who’s going to MAKE HIM let them in, AND he’s going to get in trouble for not recognizing the VIPs. It was smart of him not to compromise his integrity by accepting $20 from that guy to skip the line. Situations like that lead to people feeling disrespectfully towards the doorman, because “he can be bought”. You don’t want people feeling like that, especially drunk people, because then you might actually HAVE TO bounce them. It’s better for them to know you’re not havin’ it, so they keep that in mind when they get inside and act like they know.

For those particular three girls in front of me, they had a different problem. πŸ˜€

This didn’t register to me as important until I understood what they were clamoring about, but when I shifted to the side to get a direct view of their lips so I could decipher a distinct line of chatter… amongst other things, I noticed that none of them were hot. Not meaning as in temperature, but as in having the level of looks that might motivate someone to offer them preferential treatment. One of them was ok…… The other two were… like… nah. πŸ™ Even the ok one wasn’t…….

ok… Like I said before, the reason you want to let chicks skip the line to get in the club is that they’re bait for guys to buy more drinks per minute so you make more money by the end of the night. Unfortunately for these three, they aren’t bait. Not only would guys NOT have been buying them drinks, but these three actually would have been taking up valuable space and simultaneously PREVENTING guys from easily accessing the bar to buy drinks for other chicks, so it was actually better for the club’s “bottom line” NOT to let them in at all. πŸ˜€

This is what was so laughable and ridiculous about their commiseration and complaining. They didn’t realize that they weren’t up to par to receive the benefits and perks they were yelling for the bouncer to give them. The equivalent would be for me to stand there on line yelling at the bouncer “YO!… I’M A GUY! LET ME IN!” hahahaha The same way it makes no difference AND happens to be obvious that I’m a guy, it was obvious and made no difference that they were [unattractive] girls. Another reason why bouncers/doormen let girls in is that they want to kick it to them in the near future, if not tonight. These three FAILED in that aspect as well, so even if the bouncer hadn’t been strictly doing his job (not accepting bribes, etc), they wouldn’t have had any wins.

Another thing about them constantly running their mouths and acting like there was something wrong with the bouncer for not letting them in is that they were demonstrating that they have bad attitudes. Again, this is only something that HOT chicks can get away with. Being that he doesn’t care what she thinks anyway, the reason a guy tolerates a chick’s pathetic behavior is that she’s really attractive to him and/or he enjoys having sex with her. Letting chicks with crabby personalities into your bar is *NOT* going to help “the bottom line”. When guys talk about it the next day (or, in this case, blog about it the next day πŸ™‚ ), they’re going to say that when they went to your spot, there were a bunch of unattractive females with lame personalities = you lose business. There are literally too many extra women in this town to interact with unintelligent or crabby females…. 210,820 extra, to be exact! πŸ˜€

So… Instead of stating the obvious, they should have just STFU and acted like they had some CLASS, and maybe the bouncer would have decided that they were chill and hooked them up. Also, walking away shouting insults at the bouncer who you were just *BEGGING* to let you in the club isn’t a smart move at all. That’s as dumb as those guys that stand out in the street calling women beautiful and lovely, and then when the women walk right by, the same guys start hurling insults. What sense does that make? Really.

Anyway, fortunately for me, the people that I hang out with seek out easily accessible locations. The less crowded the better, because we go out in groups to begin with and who knows how many people are going to eventually join the party? If it’s a private party we’re going to, there’s STILL no line, just names on the guest list. It WAS rather interesting to watch those chicks get indignant because of their sense of entitlement to special treatment merely for being females. πŸ™‚ The other time this week that I was on a line, there were lots of women waiting and they all cheerfully spoke with each other to pass the time until they got in. If these particular three would have understood that the ability to skip the line is a COURTESY and not something they’re ENTITLED TO, they would have carried themselves differently and had a much better chance of achieving their goals for the evening.

DatingGenius

Women’s Guide to NYC Dating

Somehow, I ended up seeing this article by Richard Florida about the singles scene and it had this really interesting map on it, which got me thinking about supply & demand:


Fortunately for meeeeee, NYC happens to be THE PLACE TO BE with an excess of females to the tune of 210,820 more single women than men! πŸ˜€

Sucks to be YOU if you live in Los Angeles, where the map indicates there are 89,459 more single men than women. Ah well… C’est La Vie! πŸ˜€

This is one of the reasons why the stuff I talk about doesn’t apply to everyone. Life just isn’t fair! πŸ˜€ You can’t throw a rock in NYC without… well… you know what I mean… with numbers like that, there are literally tens of thousands of surplus GOOD-LOOKING chicks in this town. And that’s only the women that IDENTIFIED THEMSELVES as single.

So the supply of men here is short, so the demand by women is higher… Or, to think about that another way, there are too many women here for them to gain any leverage. This means that guys in New York get to “act the fool”, and for every woman that decides she’s not going to date you, there are like 3 more within eyeshot that are waiting to meet you as soon as this chick gets out of their way. πŸ˜€

So… What can the ladies do to improve their chances at scoring a date in NYC?

1) Be a nice person. This isn’t Los Angeles. You’re not in demand. WE are! πŸ˜€ There’s no reason to play the stuck up role or try to ignore a brotha like he just asked you for change so he can get something to eat. If his presentation is proper, and he steps to you respectfully, consider at least acknowledging his presence. Yes… We know he’s trying to have sex with you regardless of what he says, but at least give the guy some credit for being a gentleman about it.

2) Have interesting things to say. A lot of women skate through life on their looks and are never required to be decent people or have a charming, intelligent personality. Separate yourself from the crowd by knowing something about something USEFUL… like football! πŸ˜€ Know something about the stock market or motorcycles or tech gadgets. Come up with SOMETHING so the guy sees you as someone cool and interesting and not just a target. Women are always complaining about being seen as “sex objects”. You know how to avoid that? Show him there’s more he can do with you or talk to you about than sex.

3) Eat when you go out to a restaurant. You know what I mean, too. Not just a salad when you’re sitting there staring at my cheeseburger, “hungry than a mug”. What you eat right now is NOT going to make you look any different. You’re not going to look slimmer with a piece of lettuce at the end of your fork or holding a stalk of celery. It’s already apparent that you like to “get your eat on”, so DO YOU! Go for what you know! Order more than your date does and scarf it down. Get that napkin, tap the corners of your lips and ask him what’s for dessert!

We know damned well that AS SOON AS y’all leave us, you scramble to the nearest restaurant to stuff your faces, so you’re better off keeping it REAL. He’ll respect you for that.

4) Be athletic. Yes, there are lots of guys that like women with no muscle tone. There are also guys that like athletic women. Why is that? Because you can actually DO THINGS WITH THEM! You know why you don’t get invited to the batting cages?… Because YOU CAN’T BAT! Same thing for the Jiu-Jitsu class and when he goes to play roller hockey or ultimate frisbee in the park. This isn’t the 1930’s, with the guys all on the football field and the ladies sitting together in a bunch on a bench under a tree fixing cold cut sandwiches for lunch. Nope. Pick up that football and step on the field. Go for that 5-and-across and burn your date for the winning touchdown! πŸ˜€ Let him know what time it is. Trust me. His friends will buy YOU more beers than they’ll buy for HIM after the game!

5) Last, but certainly not least… Actually, probably the most important…

LOOK GOOD!

Look good. You would be surprised, out of our NYC surplus of 210,820 women, HOW MANY OF THEM schlep around town in an appalling state of disrepair. πŸ™ Somebody lied to y’all and told you that you could look like anything and still get raps. Nope. Not THIS day and time, my sistah! If you want to look bad and still get attention, move to L.A. or anywhere with one of those large BLUE dots. NYC isn’t for you. In fact, according to that map, there’s no place for you on the entire Eastern Seaboard. You’d better go visit Prince in Minneapolis! See if he’ll sing you a song or something, ’cause you’re done around these parts.

Don’t worry about whether a guy’s going to buy you a drink at the club… YOU have to worry about GETTING IN the club to begin with. Paying off the bouncer might work… Anyway… Stop being lazy. Accentuate the positive & play down the negative. Stop dressing like a beatnik and carry yourself like the successful businesswoman you are. Stop getting haircuts because you saw it in a magazine if it doesn’t work with YOUR face. Hit that gym on a regular basis. Do whatever you have to do to catch a guy’s eye, because if you don’t…..

There are 210,819 women ready to steal YOUR man. πŸ˜€

DatingGenius

Interview Women Like A CEO

If you have a boring personality, you can go out with any chick, and it’s cool. It’s not so easy for edgy guys that like to do fun & interesting stuff on the spur of the moment. It’s easy for your natural persona to clash with hers instead of combining with hers in a way that both of you have a fantastic time. There are obvious limitations to some chicks’ abilities to go with the flow. She might not be into taking pictures, for instance. If that’s a way that you express yourself and inform your friends and family of what you’re doing with your one life that we’re going to get, then that’s a clash. In order for that to be a win-win, you have to either NOT hang out with her or NOT take pictures of her when you’re hanging out.

Another example is PDA (Public Displays of Affection). You might be into it, and she isn’t. The only win-win is a compromise between each of your comfort levels, which normally means NO PDA whatsoever. Then again, if your point in spending time with her is to “Display Affection” ;), you just don’t take her out in public from the giddyap.


PDA… Personal Digital Assistant?
πŸ˜€

Anyway… Chicks tend to go out with boring guys. This is because boring guys are stable… Easily controlled… Less likely to cheat, either because they’re “not that type” or they’re too busted or weird to get another girl anyway. Chicks like stuff like that for some reason. They’d rather mess with a guy they know they’re not going to lose anytime soon than a guy they know they’re really physically attracted to but don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of controlling >:D

So they THINK their guys are edgy, but they’re really not… Not by a longshot. Unfortunately, they expect YOU to be just like the boring dudes. “Guilt by Association” rears its ugly head! πŸ˜€ You have to make sure you distinguish yourself as separate from that pack. Otherwise, when you’re chilling at a birthday party, drinking and flirting with her @ the karaoke bar and eventually, you pull up to her bumper, she’s like “WHAT THE #&*$ WAS THAT??? :O” as if something strange is happening.

A ‘quick and dirty’ way to distinguish yourself to chicks is to apply a form of shock therapy. Scare the living daylights out of them, as far as relationships go. Make sure they’re aware that you’re capable of ANY-THING at ANY-TIME. πŸ˜€ Make them wary of leaving their little sisters OR their mothers around you. This does THEM the favor of opening their minds to the potentials of life, interaction and fun, while doing YOU the favor of clearing the path so that when you DO do something edgy with her, she’s just relieved that it’s not any of the WORSE things that she already imagined you doing to her. πŸ™‚

Strangely enough, I started thinking about this because of this tech video. Watch the first 1:30:

So I’m watching this, and I realized that the same thing he does to potential employees… I do that to chicks. πŸ™‚ Sure, you want to be friendly with them and all that… However, if they’re looking to get past friendship, you really want to scare the BEJESUS out of them, or else, similar to janky website design, your relationship’s going to be *BROKEN* practically immediately.

I had to watch it again. I use *EXACTLY* the same style. First of all, don’t try to hook me up unless you KNOW me. This is similar to the part where he says “I interview every single person that comes to work for me” and “It really leads to some problems in the company, like if I’m on a trip for 5 days and we need to bring somebody in and say, you know what? If they sit with me, and I can look them in the eye…” That’s the whole thing. You can tell when you look her in the eye whether she understands who she’s looking at or not. It’s a form of concentrated attention, the way she focuses on you and pays attention to what you’re saying… It’s like she’s fascinated by you, yet afraid to turn her back on you at the same time.

This is another reason you need to use shock therapy on chicks. When they’re talking about you to their girlfriends (and they ALWAYS talk about you to their girlfriends), you want them saying THE RIGHT THINGS that bring their girls to the table ready for battle. You don’t want all this “oh, he’s a nice guy” and “oh, he’s so educated and cute and smart” because then, their girls meet you with visions of kids, dogs and Volvos in their heads, so now you have to do DOUBLE the work, to deconstruct them mentally and then REconstruct them and THEN see if they’re compatible with you now that they know what the real deal is.

So in the case of hiring someone, you want your employees to know the drill when it comes to working for your company. In the case of hookups, you want your ground troops traveling with the right information so the chicks they bring back either love you or hate you. Still, hookups suck unless the chick involved really understands what you’re about, so it’s best to “interview every single person that comes to work for you” and “look them in the eye” and hit ’em with the worst-case scenario. You can see her demeanor change, right on the spot. She’ll either think “I’d never go out with him” or “Oh, he thinks he’s a bad-ass… He doesn’t know who *I* AM!”, which will help you to decide to move forward with the interview or change the subject / bail out entirely.

Actually, there’s a third potential reaction, this kind of simpleton stare like she doesn’t understand what you just said. Depending on what you like in chicks you mess with, that’s either FANTASTIC or horrible. πŸ˜€

So when you’re hitting her with the worst-case scenarios, it’s not actually important what she says. What’s important is HOW SHE LOOKS as soon as her brain comprehends what you just told her hahahaha πŸ˜€ The stages go like this after you finish speaking:

1) She hasn’t received all of the data yet
2) She has all the words, but she’s composing it into what it actually means
3) She realizes what you said and subconsciously reacts to it
4) She starts thinking about how she feels about what you said
5) She formulates her response
6) She delivers her response

The main thing you’re looking for is her subconscious reaction. IME, it’s usually “He’s kidding”, “Maybe I didn’t hear him correctly”, “That’s crazy”, “Life doesn’t work like that”, “There’s no way that works”, “Who’d fall for THAT?”, “Do guys really think that way?”, “That’s funny”, “I’d love to see him do that in real life”, etc etc etc. This is way more important than her eventual statement. She can say all she wants that what you said was messed up, but you already saw that gleam in her eye that she thought it was funny when she initially GOT what you were saying. She can say all she wants that she doesn’t care or what you said didn’t affect her, but you saw her get that “oh my God!” realization in her eyes of who she’s looking at. It’s like you mentally see her get up and walk away, but she physically sits there anyway to keep up appearances. But you can clearly feel her “leave you”.

So, yeah… If you’re an edgy guy, make sure you interview chicks like a business. Gauge their ability to hang with you by their reactions to your throwing the kitchen sink at them. If they pass, you know you can fight with them and still love them and vice versa. If they FAIL![EPIC], they might still be useful as friends, except *only* when you’re layin’ back in the cut NOT “doin’ you”. Same rules apply. Some people, you do business with. Some people, you have drinks with. Some people, you can do both with. Put her through the shock and watch her eyes, body language and breathing patterns. Turn up the heat level after level and when you’re convinced of her character and fortitude, turn it off. Let her be. She’s earned your respect and progressed to the next level.

Props are awarded. It’s “Miller Time”… Cheers! πŸ˜€

When she’s ready… She’ll look like this:


Mentally Tested, Battle-Ready Female: 2008 Edition

DatingGenius

Why don’t women approach me?

A reader writes:

“I’m a guy. Why don’t women approach me?”

That’s always situational. It depends on what she likes and it depends on what you’re like. The first place you want to go is to read life isn’t fair. If you aren’t cute or well-built or have a great personality or sense of humor (or, of course, all of the above! :D) then you’re at a SERIOUS disadvantage to begin with.

The problem is that everybody wants to date the top chicks. A LOT OF WOMEN are being completely overlooked and underdated because they fall outside of a certain range of what guys consider HOT/HAWT. This means that unless you can envision and internalize your station in life, you’re going to delude yourself into thinking that you can get the same girls the next man can get, when, in reality, you’re like a little league player batting against a MLB pitcher.

So, the first thing you might want to recognize is that you’re not “fly”, so chicks aren’t SUPPOSED to be approaching you.

If that’s the case, then you need to make moves to accentuate the positive. One way to do that is to dress better. Chicks like colorful things, also things that sparkle. Distract them from your looks with stylish gear & maybe a nice watch if it fits your persona. Also, be a really, really, REALLY nice guy. This is to your advantage because often, when guys “have it like that” that chicks just like them off the bat, they get souped up. Due to the fact that they can pick up a new chick in, like, 5 MINUTES, women are romantically expendable to them and it shows in their demeanor. By being a nice guy and appreciating women, regardless of how wack you look, you have a chance.

Another good trick is to find out what her hobbies are and feign interest. Of course, this only works if you know something about her ahead of time. So next time you go the bar, bring a copy of the book you heard her talking to her friends about. Flip to a page around 3/4 of the way through the book so it looks like you’re deeply engrossed in it. Watch her make her way over and strike up a conversation πŸ˜‰

… Oh yeah… Buy the cliff’s notes too, in case you ACTUALLY have to talk to her ABOUT the book. πŸ˜€

So that covers it if you’re not a good-looking guy to begin with. She’s not approaching you because…. she doesn’t feel like it! So make sure you attract her with gimmicks, smoke & mirrors. However, what if you ARE attractive, and she’s STILL not approaching you?

party girls

Well, first of all, you might not be HER type, physically. Just because a lot of chicks give you compliments doesn’t mean that ALL of them want to hook up with you. Assuming that’s not the case, you just might be too much for her to handle, and she knows damned well that she’s not going to have *ANY* control over you, so she doesn’t dare step to you and let you know what she wants. Women like mentally strong guys, but they need to feel like they have some say in what goes on. They need to feel that they have some sort of effect on you, or perhaps leverage. Without that leverage, they feel like their relationship could end any day when you just say “Nah… Not interested. Don’t feel like seeing you this week. Later.” If a gal can’t see in her mind’s eye being with you and having there be SOMETHING about her that’s unique and compelling you to stay with her, she’s not likely to step, because she’s already seeing the end of her relationship with you before it even starts.

Finally, although there are probably another million reasons a chick might not step to a guy she likes, as much as we hate rejection as guys, women hate it MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE! πŸ˜€ You have to consider that they’re brought up to get stuff for free just from their looks. Get into parties for free. Have drinks bought for them for free. Get taken shopping for free. Get invited out on yachts for free. Get put up at a Jersey Shore beach house over a three-day weekend for free…… So they’re VERY used to people just giving them things. That includes raps.

The fact that you haven’t already approached her to throw your hat in the ring is a red flag to her. In her experience, a guy that’s interested in her offers her some kind of bribe to “listen to his demo”. If she knows that you’ve seen her, and you haven’t come over and introduced yourself, that means she might very well walk up to you, try to strike up a conversation and get rejected. πŸ™ Hate it when THAT happens! hahahaha πŸ˜€ So it’s the safer play to hang out with her girls or whatever group she came out with and keep checking you out, but never actually step to you.

Having said that, don’t expect her to walk all the way over to you unless she’s just that confident about herself, which is a fantastic thing! πŸ˜‰ For the most part, chicks will put themselves within striking distance for *YOU* to rap to them. You still end up doing the work, but what she did to facilitate that was to make herself available. She deserves credit for not sitting on a couch against a wall all night, surrounded by friends she’s never going to hook up with anyway… looking like the king surrounded by the rook and a row of pawns. So acknowledge her gesture with a smile and “hello” and then it’s business as usual from there. πŸ˜‰

DatingGenius

“Buy a Girl a Drink?” (Something for Nothing)

It’s a typical rap move to “buy a girl a drink”. You see a gal you’d like to kick it with, but you don’t have the nerve to walk up to her, introduce yourself and start talking. So, somehow, it’s been passed down through the ages that buying her a drink is a good way to get your foot in the door. Well, encyclopedia salesmen get their feet in doors as well. Let’s examine how you look when your opener is to give away stuff to chicks for free that you had to spend your hard-earned money to get.

First of all, let’s talk about your money. Unless you have the hookup at the bar (or happen to own it), you have to spend money to buy her that drink. Let’s say your ass works for minimum wage (whatever THAT is these days)… I’ll guess that minimum wage is $10/hour, and depending where you are, it could run you $7 plus tip for a pint of beer. Let’s not even talk about those colorful mixed drinks chicks like to lamp with! πŸ˜€ So… Essentially… By buying her a drink, that means you just worked about 45 minutes for her. Even if we boost your ducats so that you’re only working 20 minutes for her… is that what you *really* want to do? πŸ˜€ If you walked up to a chick and she said you could talk to her after you mowed her lawn and raked her leaves, would you do it? πŸ˜€

Now, you might be thinking “stop being cheap… it’s only either $10 or 20 minutes’ worth of manual labor, and I might get on tonight”. While I understand that professional prostitutes cost much more than that… Since, by definition, you’re approaching her for the first time in life… There’s NO WAY that she’s done anything FOR YOU that warrants you buying her something. Does that make sense? Get it? She’s done NOTHING, and you’re giving her SOMETHING… ANYTHING… ‘Doesn’t matter what it is. The only thing worse than rewarding her for NO behavior is rewarding her for BAD behavior. That’s a completely different topic, though.

By giving her stuff right off the bat, you’re letting her know that regardless of what she does, you’re willing to shell out. What if she thanks you for the drink and walks away from you as soon as you hand it to her? HAHAHAHA What if she doesn’t *even* say “Thank You”? What’reyagonnado? Take your drink back? Drink the Apple Martini for her? πŸ˜€ No. You’re gonna “take a short”, is what you’re gonna do. πŸ˜€ Are you aware that there are chicks that go out to clubs DELIBERATELY with no money, because they know there are so many guys just.like.you that will pay for them to drink all night for the potential opportunity to smack it up, flip it, rub it down, OH NOOOOO! πŸ˜€

That’s another thing. When you kick game, you want to seem UNIQUE… not TYPICAL. Try your best not to make yourself indistinguishable from the other 30 guys that stepped to her with the exact same line and the exact same offer of free stuff that she doesn’t even deserve yet. Not getting it? Let’s look at the flip side. Let’s say YOU were in the club, and a chick walked up to you out of the blue wanting to go home with you….. Now, there are some guys that can graciously accept that and go get their groove on. πŸ™‚ There are A LOT OF GUYS that will see that chick as loose, easy, a ho, desperate, whatever it is, they’re going to low-rate her for giving them something for nothing. Am I right? Have you seen this happen or heard of it from your boys or your girls? Uh-huh…

OTOH, if you actually KNOW someone and want to buy them a drink to show them that you enjoy their company or value them as a friend, by all means, that’s a great gesture that people appreciate. πŸ™‚ Similarly, if you met her just now and had a nice conversation and you’re *NOW* feeling goodwill towards her, offering to get her something as you excuse yourself to go to the bar is a classy and chivalrous gesture. You’re rewarding GOOD behavior. You’re letting her know that you appreciate her for her personality and the way she carries herself.

I mean, it’s not like you’re slick. Everybody knows what you’re doing. Everybody knows why you offered HER a drink and ignored her busted homegirl. Everybody knows you’re trying to bribe her with $7 worth of alcohol. πŸ™‚ Everybody knows you’re hoping that drink “loosens her morals”. πŸ˜€

Maybe next time, get yourself together, step to her honorably and let her know why you came over there. Maybe she’ll find you refreshing instead of redundant. Maybe if you represent yourself properly, she’ll buy YOU a drink! πŸ˜€

DatingGenius

Connections (Passing it On)

Christian Payne aka Ò€œDocumentallyÒ€ is a photographer and blogger who was commissioned by the UNHCR to photograph the plight of Iraqi refugees in Jordan.

I edited Christian’s work into a video that we’ve recently completed, and he posted this video, thanking me as well as others for what we’ve done:


Seesmic Member Link | Non-member Link

Initially, this post was going to be called “Thanks for the Thanks”, because I definitely appreciate Christian’s authenticity and heartfelt statements. πŸ˜€ “Cheers for that”, as they say over there in the U.K. πŸ˜€

However, that’s really a private communication between Christian and myself that happened to be expressed on a public medium (both his video and my text, above). What I think would be more useful to my 40 readers, according to Technorati (minus however-many registered search engines :p) is to talk about the process of creation, in this case, dealing with video, and the difference that it makes when you’re actually emotionally invested in what you’re doing. Also, I wanted to give Christian some more background on how we ended up working together.

I’m a video blogger, which essentially means I film videos and put them on the internet. We have our own little “echo chamber” of friends and colleagues. I first became aware, sort of, of Phil Campbell on Dan McVicar’s social site “Late Nite Mash”.

Bill Cammack & Dan McVicarBill & Dan in NYC
In November, 2006, Dan collected music pieces from Phil and other members and made a “mash-up” with video footage I sent him of New York City nightlife:

I say “sort of” aware of Phil because at that time, social media wasn’t advanced enough for people to get to know more about each other than what they typed on a page or a picture or video they posted. At this point, we not only have the technology to do our own video shows, like Phil’s “The Gravity”, but there are more and more live services popping up… Ustream, BlogTV, Yahoo! Live, LiveVideo, new services all the time, where we get to see a lot more about people than we used to.

So anyway, I got to know Phil Campbell as a quality guy who STAYS on top of the game when it comes to social media and is simply a treasure trove of good ideas. πŸ˜€

Next in order, Andrew Lipson gave me an invite to this (at the time, invite-only) video-messaging application called Seesmic while I was an audience member of the Jeff Pulver Show. I checked it out, but it really wasn’t my type of conversation going on between the beta-testers, so I just watched Seesmic like a television show instead of participating in the watercooleresque banter.

There were a couple of people there with strong personalities and methods to their madness. The most animated and volatile of them was this character named “Documentally”. πŸ˜€ Most people, once you’ve seen four videos of them, you know their range… or at least the range they’re willing to bring to the world-stage which is Seesmic or any other site where you post videos that people can watch from NYC to Zimbabwe. With Documentally, you never really know what was going to happen in one of his videos. He might say something intelligent and serious. He might say something batty and off the wall. He might say nothing at all. He might roll his truck and videotape the situation as if he’s the first reporter on the scene! πŸ˜€ It was clear from the “Documentally” character that Christian Payne had A LOT of range to his personality, and there was a lot of entertainment value in his videos.

So being a morning person, I tend to chat with the European folks (who are 5/6 hours ahead of us) before the Americans wake up. I’m chatting with Phil Campbell and he mentions that his friend Christian had a project he was working on. I let Phil know I was aware of Documentally and was willing to chat with him about the project. In skypeing with Christian, I got to meet the “hang out at the pub” version instead of the “Seesmic character” version. He’s a nice guy, and as he put it in the video, he’s “someone I’d like to call a friend”. πŸ™‚

I really meant to talk about the actual project, but I’ll do that some other time. This ended up being a post about connections. One of the benefits of social media is that people get to learn about each other at their own pace and according to their own level of interest. Another benefit is that we have checks and balances inside our “echo chamber”. For example, Dina Kaplan and I have 102 “Facebook Friends” in common! :O … Even if you spit that into 50 friends and 50 acquaintances, that means there are *50* people that I can contact right this second and ask them a question about Dina. I’d probably get 15 responses back, and they’d all be approximately the same, because that’s how Dina carries herself. She’s consistent.

Liz Gannes, Bill Cammack & Dina Kaplan
Liz Gannes, Bill Cammack & Dina Kaplan

Through social media, and also by meeting in person @ Adam Quirk‘s event named Vloggercue in Brooklyn, I developed an impression of Phil Campbell as a stand-up guy and a good judge of character. For Phil to bring up Christian’s project to me, I’m automatically *infinitely* more inclined to hear more about it. Yes, it helped A LOT that Christian already had a strong social media presence. Yes, it helped A LOT that the photos he shot for the project are rich and full of emotion, intimacy and meaning. However, the *main* thing is connection… passing it on. Social media offers us the opportunity to get to know each other, asynchronously… and then follow up to find out how the real person matches up to his or her online persona.

Does it matter what women think?

Reader Helene writes (in response to Tip for the ladies: He doesnÒ€ℒt care!)

LetÒ€ℒs talk about this, from DatingGenius:

Ò€”Ò€”
Yadda Yadda Yadda Blah Blah Blah EVERY.SINGLE.EFFINÒ€ℒ.DAY, some chick is confused about why a guy keeps trying to kick it to her. ItÒ€ℒs very simple. HeÒ€ℒs kicking it to you because HE.WANTS.TO.GET.WITH.YOU, *PERIOD*! HeÒ€ℒs not interested in what you think about it. HeÒ€ℒs not interested in what you have to say about it.
Ò€”Ò€”-

I feel that. He doesnÒ€ℒt care if he wants sex. IÒ€ℒm going to look on DatingGenius to see if there is a guide on how to tell if a man wants sex or a relationship. I think the man that wants a relationship cares what the woman thinks, right?

There are a lot of interesting points here, Helene…. First of all, that post was written specifically to address the situation of women being clueless as to why a guy doesn’t stop kicking it to them when she indicates disinterest or even disgust. πŸ˜€ The fact of the matter is that he’s not approaching you to get your opinion on things or to discuss politics. He finds you physically attractive or there’s something else about you that he likes (you have money, good child-bearing hips, whatever…) that he’s approaching you for. What you think about it is of no consequence whatsoever. The bottom line is desire-fulfillment… HIS, not YOURS. πŸ™‚

As an example, I was walking with a blabbermouth friend of mine the other week, and in the process of making a point to her, I mentioned that her homegirl was attractive. I wasn’t telling her that so she could go blab it to her girl like she BLABS everything else. I was trying to make a general point based on a specific situation my friend was privy to. Before I got to say what I really wanted to say, she goes “Oh… She wouldn’t hook up with you. You’re not her type.” πŸ˜€ Now…. First of all, I didn’t ask my friend what she thought about my ‘chances’ of hooking up with her girl. Second, all she knows about her girl’s “type” is what her girl is willing to TELL HER, so her idea of what her girl’s going to do and what she’s not going to do is completely irrelevant. Third, people are functions of combinations, meaning that how a chick reacts to me has *nothing* to do with how she reacts to anyone else on the planet, so until I kick my game and get on or not, speculation is worthless.

All these things ran through my mind in a split second, and I replied just about right when she finished speaking, “That doesn’t matter”. She looked at me surprised, and tried to protest, but I covered that up with another “That doesn’t matter”. We then went off on the tangent of how “what her girl wants” doesn’t factor in AT ALL to my initial attraction to her. Forget about the fact that she IS NOT her girl, so she has NO IDEA what her girl does behind closed doors. Even if she knew for sure that her girl didn’t like me for whatever reason, it’s of no consequence, because I’m talking about what motivates *ME*. I’m talking about what propels me to focus on HER and interact with HER instead of someone else.

This is why chicks would be better off if they recognized WHY a guy is talking to them in the first place. Without that knowledge, you’re grasping at straws when you try to figure out anything else about your relationship to that guy.

As another example, I was waiting for a bus with a crowd of people. This girl walks past at least eight other breathing, standing human beings to come up to me and ask me if I knew what time it was. I told her that I didn’t, and showed her that I don’t wear a watch, which I don’t, because I don’t *care* what time it is. πŸ˜€ The next thing that happened was…… She stayed right there and continued talking to me. Now… What happened to her desire to find out what time it was? *POOF* Gone, into thin air. Had she actually been interested in the time, she would have A) stopped at the FIRST person she saw to ask what time it was, and then made her way down the line, or B) if she DID walk all the way past them to ask me, she would have asked someone else right after I demonstrated the inability to tell her what time it was. She did neither, so the obvious inference is that she wanted to talk to me and used “Do you know what time it is” as the ice-breaker.

Now, let’s apply this to the club! πŸ˜€ When that guy buys you that drink, what do you think he’s trying to do? Do you think he thought you looked thirsty? Do you think he thought you looked *BROKE*, and he likes to hand out charity by buying drinks for destitute women? Did he buy any GUYS a drink? How about any UNATTRACTIVE WOMEN? ‘:) There are two reasons he’s offering to buy you a drink. He wants you to get more drunk than you already are, AND (drumroll) he’s trying to get on.

You can THINK whatever you want… He’s a nice guy. He’s generous. He respects you. He’s interested in what you have to say or what you think. He likes the same music you do… He doesn’t like the same music you do, he dresses poorly, he’s a creep, he can’t spell, he doesn’t pronounce consonants when he speaks, he’s a Cro-Mag……… NONE of that matters, pro or con. It matters as far as how tough or easy it is for him to get on, but your opinion of him is irrelevant and worthless when it comes to what he’s trying to do at that point.

As a matter of fact, a good rule of thumb is “If he didn’t ask you, he doesn’t care.”

Which brings us to your actual question, “Does the man who wants a relationship care what you think?”

The simple answer is YES, which is basically addressed in Only Date People Better Than YOU!. See the section on “Dummies”.

The guy who wants a relationship had better care what his woman thinks. However, first of all, he’d better care that she thinks AT ALL. There are lots of guys and gals running around this planet with ZERO common sense, or at least little enough common sense to land them on the Maury Povich show having paternity tests done on several guys. Considering that there are only about 10 days in a month when you can actually get a girl pregnant, and you can count backwards to the month she became pregnant, that means that every single guy she has on stage with her tapped it within a 10-day period. Considering some chicks’ in-da-club behaviors, if those 10 days spanned two weekends, we could expect four guys to be sitting on the stage, Friday Night (day 1), Saturday Night (day 2), Friday Night (day 8 ) and Saturday Night (day 9). Now, that’s bad enough, but if there are more than four guys on the stage…. smh.

This is why the guy who wants a relationship is hoping that his potential girlfrend/wife’s brain works at all. There’s *NOTHING* wrong with a chick getting her groove on as much as she wants to with whomever she wants to. πŸ™‚ However, if you’re going to be in a ‘committed’ relationship with her, you would like to believe that any kids that appear during that relationship are in fact… yours.

You also want to be able to take her places. When they have those couples get-togethers or business dinners, you want to be able to walk in with her on your arm and have people as impressed with her personality and mental faculties as with her looks. If you accept her without intelligence, you could be sabotaging your own career advancement while she talks some ignant ghetto ish to your COO. :/ Your girl is a reflection of YOU, so if you’re going for a relationship, aim as HIGH (mentally) as you possibly CAN! πŸ˜€

Also, in a relationship situation, a guy needs to know what his girl thinks so he can strive to make HER happy while he makes HIMSELF happy. You would hope that’s a goal of his in hooking up with her long-term.

Having said that… Like I said above, if he doesn’t ask you, he doesn’t care. If he’s minding his business, like he loves to do, and watching the game or something, and you come in blabbing about gossip from the job, he might listen to you as a FAVOR to you or to make sure he can get on later this evening, but no, he doesn’t CARE about that. πŸ˜€ If he did, he would have said “How was work today, dear? Was that chick still gossiping?” This is a totally different issue, so I won’t get into it here, but basically, you should get a checklist of the things he actually CARES about so that if you want to talk to him about something and have him actually interested and ENGAGED in the conversation, you know the parameters. πŸ™‚

How To Tell if he wants sex or a relationship? Well… First of all, it’s not *OR*. It’s *AND*. He either wants sex and for you to break north… or he wants sex and for you to stay around and hang out with him. The SEX part is a given, otherwise, similar to the girl that asked me for the time, he’d be kicking it with someone OTHER THAN YOU! πŸ˜€

Think about it. The way relationships in the USA are set up, being BF/GF / Engaged / Married implies that you’re not having sex with anyone except your SO. Why in the world would someone attach themselves to someone they didn’t intend to have sex with? On top of that, lots of guys want to have kids. Sure they could go the test tube or adoption route, but MOST OF THE TIME, they’re going to want to have their kids the old fashioned way…
By mistake.

Anyway…

If it’s possible at all, I would say the way to tell that he wants a relationship is by how much he focuses on your PERSONALITY. How interested is he in getting to know YOU? What you’re about… What makes you tick… What makes you happy… What you don’t like… The intelligent guy is going to want to know A LOT about a chick he intends to make his S.O.

The problem with this personality-based theory is that, like Omar says, “It’s all in the game”. Guys already know what women are looking out for as cues that they’re interested in more than sex. Knowing the cues makes it easy to “Fake it ’till you make it”. πŸ˜€

So… the best thing women can hope for is to meet guys through trusted friends that are willing to vouch for their character and keep your fingers crossed! πŸ˜€

DatingGenius

Celebrity Crush, Part 2

In response to Got a Crush on a CelebrityÒ€¦, Derek writes:

So it’s an uphill climb. Understood. But, there are guys out there that KNOW (think) that they are MORE than enough to take the challenge (think Pros vs Joes).

What kinda advice would the DG give to those guys? Would could a guy do once he’s left his life, moved to the city of his desire?

I’ll met enough people to understand your initial answer all too well (think “astronaunts”). A type-A personality guy (definitely NOT me) wouldn’t let something like reality stand in the way. They are the same guys that blow horns and give cat calls to pick up women (see my last video posting – I don’t know how to link it here).

Actually, this is something else I’ve never thought about because up until recently, all the stars were in LA/Hollywood. Unless you lived out there, AND were running in their circles, there was ZERO percent chance that you’d meet a star anyway, unless she came to your local mall to sign autographs or was doing a show in your town.

In the case of doing a show, you’re done. She’s there for business, and you’re not getting near her. If she’s there for a book signing or whatever celebrities do to meet their fans, you’re not going to have but about a minute near her so your best bet is to come in the door looking jiggy-fresh, slide her your number and tell her to call you… outside of the earshot of cockblocking assistants and managers, of course.

Anyway, at this point, now that there are internet celebrities, they’re way more accessible to average joes, because none of this is being done in studios under locked-down conditions. Consider YouTube, for instance, you have some of the most REGULAR chicks that are STARS on YouTube. They probably work as cashiers in the local Wal-Mart, even.

As far as actually getting on, there’s no specific formula to that, because as predictable as chicks are, they all get off on different things. Some chicks like bad boys, some chicks like nice guys… Play the wrong style and you lose. πŸ™‚ The only advantage you have in these situations is if the chick puts a lot of information online about things that she likes. That way, you can play it off like you’re interested in the same things and gain rapport.

So it’s not really different from the basic formula…

Gather information, then Fake It, Till You Make It! πŸ˜€