Every so often, a word gets stolen or misused by someone and that word becomes a part of popular culture and retains the new meaning, going forward. One of these myriad words is “Player”.

I’m extremely tired of people using the word “Player” when all they actually mean is “He doesn’t want a ‘relationship’ with a chick, but he’s down to screw them”. The reason this happened is that most people have exactly ZERO idea of what they’re doing when it comes to dating, which is why they use terms like “getting lucky”. Anything outside of what THEY THINK should go on during dating is considered to be some kind of conspiracy. If you’re not down with the get married, have kids, croak pattern, then either there’s something wrong with you or you’re deliberately jacking the system.

Let me tell you now… There’s a distinct difference between actual Players and guys that just plain like girls and are going to mess with as many as they can before they (the guys) become busted-looking and their career is completely over. Of course there are lots of levels to this, but let’s just stick to this basic separation for now.

*I* am a Player. What makes me a Player is that it’s all business to me. I’m leaving either NOTHING or as little as possible to chance. If a chick turns me on, I get a certain energy that tells me what to do. The goal from then on is to get to the nitty-gritty. I’m attempting to get what I want ASAP. *NOW*, if possible! :D I don’t’ care what your future plans are. I don’t care how many kids you want to have. I don’t care where you want to live 5 years from now or where you’ll be in your career. I want to do what I want to do and I’m going to do my DAMNEDEST to make that happen… NOW! :D

This has been described to me in myriad ways. My friend Joyce calls it “Always On”, haha because I’m always angling for whatever I can get from a chick. Another gal told me “You’re the guy I’m scared of meeting when I go out to parties”. Chicks I’ve actually been dating at the time have informed me of their impressions of my way of being, and I’ve been amazed at their insight whilst in the heat of things.

I’m from New York City. There’s nothing but competition in this town. There’s someone taller than you, richer than you, smarter than you, cuter than you, funnier than you, that dresses better than you, has a better car than you, wears better jewelry than you, is more popular than you, more talented than you, blogs more than you……. ok, maybe not blogs more than THE KID! haha but you get the picture. You have two choices in this town.. Take the scraps that are available to you, the leftovers from the guys that are actually makin’ it happen and turning chicks on, or figure out how to get in the game and make it happen for yourself.

My friend Karen (Thanks A Lot, Karen… Good Lookin’ Out! :/) recently posted a picture that was taken of me when I was in High School. There are eight (8) guys in that picture. I would have been exactly in SLOT NUMBER EIGHT to get the rap if some random chick had walked down the street and happened across all of us. LAST. I have no idea what the actual pecking order would have been, because I wasn’t paying attention to that stuff at the time, but all the guys had gimmicks that I personally didn’t have in my arsenal at the time. ‘Matter of fact, I *HAD* no arsenal at the time! :D

Chicks just like me. Not all of them, but ENOUGH of them. Because of that, up until HS, I had never developed any format for pulling chicks. It’s just a gift from God. Thanks, God! :D I’ve literally been ASLEEP and chicks have woken me up to talk to me. Like. Actually. Asleep, and when I woke up, I was at a party and some chick is tapping me on my shoulder wanting to kick it to me hahaha. That’s happened more than once, due to the fact that I hang out with people that have my back entirely, so I’m perfectly safe going to sleep anywhere at any time. If I don’t get my second wind, wake me up when the party’s over so I can get out of someone’s house! :D

Anyway… That’s all well and good if you’re not around guys with specific plans on how they’re going to pull chicks. They have the right jewelry. They have the clean sneakers. They have the Lees with the sewn-in crease. They ironed their fat laces. Their name buckle’s shiny. They got their ‘line’ done (got their haircut shaped up perfectly). They practiced their Electric Boogie routines. They know the lines to say to chicks to get them to lay down ASAP. They know which chicks are down for the action regardless of what you say to them. They’re wearing the latest clothes. They have murals painted on the back of their denim jackets. They have the right AC/DC and The Who patches. Their parents are rich and live on Park Avenue and they’re rarely home and they have a liquor cabinet…..

This is why I’m a Player. I’ve had to overcome too many obstacles in my life to leave dating to chance. When your allowance is $20/week and your homeboy’s allowance is $150/week…… IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!!! :/ You end up looking like a BROKE MotherTrucker.

Meanwhile, dudes are ACCUSED of being Players just because they happened to mess with you AND your cousin last summer. Sorry. That doesn’t qualify you as a player that you messed with two chicks that happen to be blood-related. You can get extra points for it and a pat on the back from the fellaz, but *ONLY* if at least one of them knew you were already messing with the other one. If you pulled two girls that just so happen to be related, who cares? Ultimate Dap if you hooked up with them simultaneously, but that’s not normally the situation. What normally happens is that just because a guy thinks a chick is attractive and he wants to spend some intimate time with her, she thinks he’s angling for some sort of exclusive relationship. If that’s not the direction it goes, her girlfriends are like “Oh!.. So he’s a PLAYER, HUH? :/” as they commiserate over Häagen-Dazs.

The reason this is important is that the non-Players aren’t getting a fair shake. Just because they don’t conform to your idea of what’s supposed to go on when a guy and a gal hook up, you label them as something they’re actually not and then here come the sanctions and embargoes against the guy for just being who he is, whether he tells you about it straight up or you hear it through the grapevine. Doesn’t it make sense that the guys with no game or no looks or no money are going to be MORE LIKELY to take what they can get from a chick? It’s not that they’re being deliberately manipulative… They’re just trying to live their lives and have some good times with some chicks they think are FOYINE!!! (haha, right, Corinne? :D).. They’re not doing ANYTHING underhanded to you. They honestly like you… AND your cousin… AND your moms, if she’s still got it like that! ;)

I was watching one of these infinitely-produced COPS-type shows and they had to go to a trailer park for a domestic disturbance. The chick was wildin’ out and the cops removed her from the guy’s trailer and put her in a cab to her relative’s house. When they were talking to the guy on camera, they asked him about her demeanor. He said (and I wish I could remember verbatim), essentially “She’s completely a *JERK*, but I’m a fat, unattractive guy… \o/”. Guys will take whatever they can get. It doesn’t make them Players / manipulators. They’re just tryin’na Live The Dream!

The funny thing about all this is that the Players know how to make themselves look like regular dudes and the regular dudes don’t know how to make themselves NOT look like Players, haha so most of the time, women are looking in the wrong direction when they’re trying to figure out who’s going to “take the money & run”. There’s no distinction made for the set of guys that are just trying to enjoy an attractive female’s company without turning it into some kind of overblown production about “what this means” and “where is this going?”. It’s like “Dudes that want to get married” and “Players”. :/

What makes the situation even worse is that there are lots of Players that would LOVE to get married and DO get married. Let HER make all the money while I play video games all day and listen to how her day was when she comes home? HAHA “But Where Does Homey Sign? :(” hahaha You Bet! There are lots of dudes that hook up with some rich chick so they can lamp in her crib and live off her money while they still hook up with whatever other chicks they want. Actually, there are dudes that hook up with POOR CHICKS for the same reason! :O .. She’s getting X amount in food stamps, plus money from “her baby’s father” every month? Sign A Brotha UP! :D Spread the wealth, amongst other things!

As I always say.. The only way around this is checks & balances. If you date people that you have mutual friends with that you can trust, you’ll most likely be alright. 325 Mutual Facebook Friends aren’t going to ALL steer you wrong if you ask them questions about a guy you’re thinking about dating or at least hooking up with. In the year 2009, the reasons for dating someone that NONE of your friends have ever heard of is ZERO. Start making groups of guys and gals that go out together all as friends and see if anything develops from there. Make as many pressure-free situations as you can where you get to spend time with guys and see what they’re really like. Is he paying attention to you, or checking out ass every second he can? hahaha Not that *I* know anyone like THAT, but still! :D

So give these guys a break. They’re not PLAYERS, just because they’re not going to commit to you or anyone else. If you ever run into an ACTUAL Player, you may very well learn the difference and start to appreciate ‘regular’ guys that aren’t going to lie, cheat & steal to get into your panties by any means necessary! haha YA HEARD? :D

~Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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Are you trapped in your relationship? :) Do you have like ZERO options other than your current girlfriend/wife as far as kickin’ it with chicks? :) If this is the case, then PLEEEEEEEASE don’t try *ANYTHING* I post to this blog as far as techniques on how to get women or how to treat women or how to carry yourself around women, hahaha :D Read this blog for entertainment purposes or if you’d like to fantasize about living life the way you actually imagined it, but DO *NOT* try any of this stuff with a chick that you’re stuck with. You’re just asking for trouble. :D

If you’ve got like eight (8) kids with one chick or you live in the sticks and you’re dating the Sheriff’s daughter or you’re a bum and you have a Sugar Momma or you’re actually in love with some chick and you’re not gonna leave her regardless of what she says or does to you or any other trapped-ass situation… then do yourself a favor and don’t try to carry yourself like single guys do. Leave the fun stuff to the guys livin’ that life, and you do what YOU have to do to maintain your existence as-is.

Make no mistake, I’m not knocking getting married and having kids. If that’s what honestly floats your boat, more power to ya, and I’m happy for ya. :D What I’m saying is that if being stuck with one chick was NOT your plan for your life, but it turned out that way… play it where it lays. Recognize what the right thing to do is for YOU at this point in time and live your life properly, where you feel like when it’s all over, you did the best thing for yourself and everyone else involved with you. Don’t bother trying to be what you wanted to be when you’re stuck being what you HAVE to be.

I’ve been thinking about this for a few reasons. Reader “Frank” made this comment on “Ladies: How To Tell He Has A Girlfriend”:

Frank: Asabi: yes I have a GF and I actually do joke around with her about things. I have actually walked away from convos with her friends by saying ‘sweety, you getting played’! If any guys are reading and taking notes about the simple pimp move of buying everyone the same perfume, thats all good because you too just read it. Growing up is what many of us have done which is why we can joke about this stuff at this point in life. Yes, I did the buy 4 girls the same keychain from VS once just for the hell of it, but no, I would not do so now! Having done it or been around people who did/do it still, gives me an insight that I have no problem sharing. Buying two chicks the same perfume – Gangsta! hearing “Uh, no honey I haven’t worn it around you yet, why do you smell like that”? – PRICELESS! :D

I do think woman need to listen to the playas in the crowd and ake notes. How ever disgusted you may be, archive what you just heard, it will probably come in handy for you or a friend later.
I don’t mind giving up some of the basic secrets since im not on the prowl.

Besides the sage advice for guys of buying the same perfume for different chicks, hahaha and the excellent advice for women to take notes when guys that are used to running circles around chicks are talking… The point Frank makes is that while he still HAS his game in mind, he doesn’t utilize it because he’s with someone that he really enjoys, cares about, whatever… and he feels INSPIRED to be focused on HER. I think that’s fantastic. It’s extremely important for a guy to have a proper view of what’s going on in his life so he doesn’t try some playboy ish he read in a blog and jack up a good thing.

Another reason I was thinking about this is I watched this movie, well, the movie was garbage, so I actually FFed through it, but this guy had a girlfriend who got mad at him for some reason they chose not to develop properly in the script. So she storms out of the house, talking all this yang, and you don’t see her for I don’t know how long, because I was fast forwarding haha. So the next time you see her, she’s all gleeful and runs up on the guy she stormed out on and jumps into his arms and kisses him and he’s all happy to see her. :D

Now, I know this was a movie, but guys go out like this all the time IRL. I’m thinking, looking at this garbage… Where are the “Consequences & Repercussions” from her catching an attitude, acting like an asshole and breaking north with no delay? Where’s the conversation about her behavior? According to the script, dude gladly accepted her back as if everything was regular. There are at least two problems with this:

1) By accepting her weird-ass behavior, you’re labeling her a PSYCHO and admitting that you don’t care about that. It’s basically like, regardless of how retarded you are, I’m still gonna hit it. That has to do WONDERS for your own self-esteem and completely enables her to continue being a JERK.

2) By taking her back without conversation & resolution, you’re admitting that you didn’t have JACK better to do than to wait for her to come around. Witness your leverage plummet to sub-zero. The next time she feels like acting out, you’re going to be the victim *AGAIN*, and you’re going to keep grinning about it, too.

So I’m thinking to myself… “What were the script-writers thinking when they figured out this scenario?”. It’s got to be that the guy either CAN’T GET a better girl or DOESN’T WANT a different girl. There’s nothing wrong with either scenario, but if that describes YOUR LIFE… then Act As If and Act Like You Know! :D

If you’re not gonna leave her, REGARDLESS, then don’t act like a decision-maker. Don’t act like you’re “wearing the pants in the family”. Play your position and do what you gotta do. Make that weekly trip to her Grandmother’s house to spend the ENTIRE DAY with her extended family and not doing ANYTHING that *YOU* wanted to do the whole time. Hit that mall with her on Saturdays so you can hold her bags and sit with other dudes on the benches, looking like lost kids at the security booth waiting for their parents to pick them up. Take your five (5) kids to the zoo while you dream about being at the strip club. Watch one of the myriad dumb-ass reality shows they have on television now about dancing or talent or whatnot instead of checking out the latest MMA fights. Buy that SUV or minivan that everyone can fit into instead of that Corvette or Porsche or bike.

A good friend of mine… we’ll call him “Hal”… messed up and got this chick pregnant that he was kickin’ it with. I can still see his pained face… exactly… right this second. I hope I never forget it, because it was REAL. I was looking at the face of a guy whose life was about to go TOTALLY not how he planned it, and it was killing him. :( … OTOH… It was clear from our conversation that it would have killed him MORE to not be a father to his child. The kid wasn’t even “out yet”, and already he was devastated, yet prepared to “do the right thing” as he saw it and live into his responsibilities. I’m SO grateful that “Hal” shared that with me when he was in the midst of that angst. For me, it was an unique experience. I know lots of other guys that have had accidental kids, but if they had emotions other than ANGER or feeling STUPID, they never let me know about it. “Hal” was honestly devastated and was obviously really hurt by the change in his life’s direction. Within his devastation, though, was HONOR… His pain was the pain of sacrifice that one person honorably makes for another, as firemen do and as soldiers do in wars. HIs focus was shifting, and he didn’t like it, but he was gonna carry that weight.

A few years later, I was in contact with “Hal”, and his son was his best friend. He had completely grown into his new life, accepted it and was making a GREAT life out of it, so props to him! :D

Another reason I wanted to write this is that about 70% of my hits come from Google Searches. People that search Google for dating advice receive information completely out of context. Anybody who actually knows The Kid can tell you that as nice of a guy as I am, I’m completely selfish and self-centered. It’s all about *ME*. Love it or Leave it. :D If YOU aren’t the type of guy to think “This chick is a JERK, and I can do a hell of a lot better than HER!”, then this blog isn’t for you. :) If you’ve got your mind or heart set on one chick, or circumstances have trapped you into a relationship you’re gonna be in until you croak, then get some laughs from my posts, tell your homeboys about it while you’re all sitting on those benches in the malls, holding your wives’ shopping bags and purses, dream about a different life, live vicariously, do whatever you have to do to make living life worthwhile…

Just don’t try some acrobatic ish you read on a blog in a relationship you actually care about or NEED. Leave the playboy ish to the players. Enjoy what YOU have and the way YOUR life’s going. The single life is *NOT* for the faint of heart.

Ya HEARD???? :D

DatingGenius
 
 

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