Bill Cammack » power

Power & Loss

Bill Cammack — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 21:34:00 +0000

This is a reply to a comment that reader JS left on “Why Women Have To Be Attractive And Men Don’t”. I thought he had some interesting points and complaints and wanted to make this its own post:

Excellent write-up, JS. Thank you for the detailed comment. :)

I’m going to try to list your points so I can respond. Please let me know if I misunderstand what you’re saying:

Men don’t have any power in “the dating game”, because women have the power to reject AND choose.
Women go for men they find facially attractive, so if you have that, you’re golden.. Otherwise, you’re “short”.
Women say raunchy things about men and wanting to give it up to the guys they think are visually attractive.
When women get older, they start to lose their sexiness and therefore lose the only power they had over men in the first place.
Men are at a severe disadvantage, from youth through middle age if they’re not handsome.

ok… As far as men being at a disadvantage, EVERYONE’S at a disadvantage if they’re less physically or visually attractive than the next person. I discussed this over a year ago, in February 2008, in “Life Isn’t Fair”. You’re saying that guys are at a disadvantage when it comes to women in general. I’m saying guys have a disadvantage when it comes to other guys and gals have a disadvantage when it comes to other gals. Life is just BETTER for attractive people. It’ll never be different.

As far as women saying raunchy things about guys whom they’d love to do all sorts of deliciously dirty things to them, that’s true too. I agree with you 100% that IF a woman chooses you, she’s going to act completely differently around you than when she’s around some guy that’s nice enough and polite enough, but she just never thinks about hooking up with this guy.

I also agree with you that women are sexually more selective than men are. There are biological reasons for this as well as societal pressures to not want people to believe that they’re “sluts”. There’s also the reason that women generally tend to get emotionally wrapped up in sex while guys are “getting girls”, and the good times that are had are appreciated, but it’s really emotionally no big deal. I won’t bother getting into the technical issues of “body memory”….

As far as women losing power as they get older, that’s true in most cases, but not true in some cases. If a woman is becoming a better human being through her life experiences, she’s probably way more attractive when she’s older than she was when she was younger. Not everybody likes ditzy girls with big tits….. wait… EVERYBODY likes ditzy girls with big tits, but my point is that intelligence, sensuality, sexuality, world-view and overall understanding of life in general can be very sexy if a woman develops herself mentally and emotionally during her dating career instead of just accepting shopping sprees and free dinners and remaining an idiot.

It’s the women who remain idiots who ultimately lose their power over men because the only reason guys were talking to them at all was because they wanted to have sex with them. Women with CLASS are going to have men that want to spend time with them for many, many, many, many, many years after the ditzy sex-chicks become has-beens and nobody pays any attention to them anymore or ever holds the door open for them to pass through.

So now, we come to where I disagree with your point…

Men don’t have ANY power. They THINK they have power in the dating game, but they don’t. Women hold all the cards. They have the power to reject AND choose.

While it’s true that women are the ones who choose whether to spread their legs or not, that doesn’t equal “power”. I discussed this back in July 2008, in “5 Tips on How To Get A Girlfriend”. The *ONLY* reason a woman would have power over YOU through her choice of whether to have sex with you or not is if you have ONLY. ONE. WOMAN! Does that make sense?

If you have only one woman, that’s YOUR FAULT for not exercising YOUR POWER and getting more than one. If YOU chose to put all your eggs in one basket, that’s YOUR PROBLEM and you can’t blame it on women for all choosing to have sex with Brad Pitt…. GO. GET. OTHER. WOMEN… GO. GET. *MORE*. WOMEN. :D

If you can’t find any more really attractive women, LOWER. YOUR. STANDARDS. Do not complain about how women are all choosey unless YOU’VE kicked it with women that you consider less attractive and even THEY didn’t want to mess with you.

Do you see where this is going?… The power which women obviously have, which is the power to give it up or not give it up, ONLY extends as far as the physical boundaries of their own bodies. It’s YOU that’s giving women power over YOU by saying that if particular women don’t have sex with you, you can’t get laid at all.

Similarly, YOU have ZERO POWER over a woman getting pregnant. If she says she wants to get pregnant, you can just tell her “go ahead” and see what happens. The ONLY way you have power in that situation is if she wants to get pregnant BY YOU, and you haven’t made any donations to the sperm bank. Get it?

So, yes, women have power. Power over themselves, not over YOU. If the hawt chicks you know don’t want to give you some, start hanging out with other chicks. Hang out in another town. Move to another country. Do whatever you have to do to make your quality of life what you want it to be.

Is it TOUGH for non-handsome dudes to get on? Yup. Is it unfortunate? Yup. Unfortunately, that’s life, in the United States, at least. That’s why guys develop tricks and scams to cheat women out of sex. That’s why guys lie and tell chicks ANYTHING to get them to lay down.

Start studying and get your game up. If that doesn’t work, make sure you hang out in places where the guys look worse than you do and you’ll be King of the Hill.

Thanks again for the comment. :)

~Bill

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Games Without Frontiers (NYC Mercs)

Bill Cammack — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:26:19 +0000

I’ve always loved the song “Games Without Frontiers” by Peter Gabriel. For me, the song has an incredible mix of depression and hope. There’s power and powerlessness in the face of “the game” at the same time. I never get a feeling that one person is going to “win out” over the next person. I never get the feeling that the situation will ever stabilize. To me, it’s a representation of ‘the game’ and how each person comes to the table with their own set of abilities and shortcomings and the chips fall where they may…….

*In researching, I find that there were some offensive/controversial lyrics that were changed to make the song radio-friendly.*

Mercs

I woke up this morning thinking about this song, because for me, it exemplifies the mercenary nature of dating in New York City.

We’re all ‘Mercs’. We have to be, because people throw pretty heavy ‘game’ at us, and if you’re not a shark yourself, you’ll get eaten by the sharks. It’s just plainly not as simple as people lay it out in these fairy tale relationship stories where some guy in the sticks marries his high school sweetheart or the girl he met when he went to the General Store to buy cereal and gasoline at the same location.

The ‘problem’ is that we all want something, and we’re willing to play hardball to get it. It’s honestly like a war-time scenario. I’m not proud of that or happy about it, but that’s how it is. You just have to know that when you step to a chick and introduce yourself, you’re about to get whatever she wants to give you that will further her own agenda. It’s not “the truth”. It’s not “who she really is”. It’s what she’s willing to present to you in order to get you to do what she wants you to do.

Women have to be that way, because men are that way towards them. Obviously, guys are going to say or do whatever they need to in order to get laid, which is the bottom line. All this jockeying for position is a constant quest for CONTROL of the other person, usually for two different reasons…

Control

Control is a fallacy… a fantasy… it doesn’t exist. The only person you control is yourself…… maybe.

Nevertheless, many people in relationships are fighting their “significant other” for control. Not physically fighting them, like Chris Brown & Rihanna, but mentally & emotionally waging war against each other with the hopes of breaking the other person’s will and subjugating them (Putting them in “Deep Check”).

In general, the goals of control are pretty common and redundant. The male wants to lock down sexual access to the female. The female wants to lock down “fidelity” or faithfulness from the male. This would seem to be the same thing, but it isn’t. The guy wants to make sure he can get on whenever he feels like it, therefore, he needs to block other guys from physical access to “his girl”. Women (again, in general) are more concerned with where the guy’s emotions are focused… Does he “love” her? Is she the most important woman in his life? (or, hopefully, the ONLY woman in his life) What are his future plans for the relationship? blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…..

Tactics

Now that you know what you want, it’s time to utilize tactics to get it. The woman’s goal is to make the guy feel she can live without him and force him to step up his game. The man’s goal is to make the gal believe he’s all about her, regardless of what he’s actually doing. What you end up with is lies. Regular lies and lies of omission. These are necessary, because otherwise, you arrive on the battlefield without your armor and lose immediately.

Unfortunately, what you DON’T have in this oft-repeated scenario is genuine and authentic interaction between people that are SUPPOSED to be in a friendly relationship. After a while, you get used to this and no longer expect people to be authentic with you. It’s no longer a requirement. You assume people are lying off the bat and learn to read between the lies.

This is fine for guys, because for the most part, we don’t care what women are saying anyway. Yak Yak Yak, it’s all the same as long as you’re looking good and we feel turned on by your presence.

Women have a much greater problem here, which is that they actually base their relationship status on what guys say to them. For guys, it’s basically “Who cares what she said, so long as at the end of the day, she gives it up?”. Meanwhile, all a guy has to say to a gal is “it’s over”, and she’ll honestly believe that her relationship to him is finished, just because he said so.

Effects

The effect is that we accept people on the surface, but never get deeply inside them. There’s no reason to expect people to be authentic with you upon first meeting you, so you listen to what they have to say, but don’t necessarily accept it as truth. Since we figure we’re all lying to each other, it’s an unspoken agreement that everyone’s going to check their weapons at the door. We can chat each other up and be friendly for the time being, but we all know that if we fall out of favor with each other, it’s “Get your gats and shoot it out at twenty paces”. If the chick is found to be messing with another dude… war. If the guy is found even TRYING to kick it with another chick… war.

Embargoes, no sex, no calls, no text messages, delayed returning of calls, avoidance of spending physical time together, putting each other’s business in the streets, commiseration with homies, arguments, vindictive looks, creation of jealousy… This is what you have to look forward to if you fall out of favor with someone that you’re supposedly in a “loving” relationship with.

Reactions

There are a few typical reactions to the NYC game. Some people quit the scene entirely, since they don’t want to be involved with mind-games. Some people elect to remain naive and go out like a sucker over and over in their dating careers. Other people become jaded and get down with the program, adding to the pool of sharks. The best defense is a good offense, and they’re ready, willing and able to fight fire with fire.

Ultimately, if you’re in demand in NYC, there’s no escaping ‘the game’. If people perceive you has having something they want, they’re going to come after you… There’s a domino effect here of people passing experiences and personal baggage on to other people. Of course, the media adds fuel to the fire by seeking out the worst relationship scenarios possible and putting them on the news every night. “Reality” shows (which are EXTREMELY edited and produced, thus not actually ‘reality’) do the same thing as they strive to show us the most entertaining (read: assholish) aspects of human beings’ personalities. Add that to the sheer number of people on the scene in this town, and you end up with a cycle of people who don’t actually trust each other, but are perfectly willing to call each other boyfriend & girlfriend in order to advance their own agendas.

Solutions

Strangely enough, the solution is to “Do you”. Whatever’s natural to you, that’s what you should focus on. Receive the education from the NYC game and utilize it to get tough without becoming jaded. Don’t get upset about what happens, just internalize it and learn from it and make sure you don’t go out the same way next time.

You also have the option of hopping on the Metro North Railroad and traveling out to the sticks to meet people who are still living the simple life and aren’t caught up in mercenary dating behavior.

Maybe you could start a meetup group where people practice honestly telling other people how they feel about them.

It would seem like the obvious solution is to only become involved with trustworthy people. Unfortunately, most people’s ability to judge character is WAY less refined than the snake oil salesperson’s ability to pull the wool over your eyes. It’s your own arrogance in believing that you have a proper grasp on what the other person’s capable of that blinds you and makes you even MORE susceptible to their manipulations.

This is what’s simultaneously depressing and hopeful about both the song and the dating scene. There’s a collection of powerful people involved, and it’s a game, which is fun… but it’s also a competition. Everyone’s playing, but they’re not all on the same side. One change at one end of the playing field can cause a chain reaction that someone feels far away on the other end of the field. While there’s the likelihood that several people will win, and win big… that’s probably going to mean that several people have to lose big as a consequence. The NYC dating scene is not for the faint of heart. It’s a gamble… It’s a knockout…

if looks could kill, they probably will
in Games Without Frontiers
war without tears