On another post, reader Alexis asks The Kid:

Bill, I am curious… Knowing that you are the kind of guy who is very “here and now” wouldn’t that turn off someone that you possible “love”? So I gotta know… How do you treat a woman that you KNOW if someone you LOVE and want to be committed to? Or even possible married? Do you still treat her this way (as “here and now”? Or does she get “different” and “preferential” treatment.

I think that this highlights a fundamental problem in relationships. Unfortunately, it’s a sleeper, and people don’t recognize it until it’s too late and they’re already months or years down the road in their relationships.

The first thing you need to be able to do in a “relationship” is BE. YOURSELF!

What I mean by that is that being a “here and now”, “spur of the moment” person is part of my PERSONALITY. I can not give someone preferential treatment vs MY OWN PERSONALITY. haha It doesn’t work like that. When it comes down to a choice between my personality and some chick, the chick loses. Period. Every time. No question or doubt. Zero exceptions.

Any time I CHOOSE to do something that goes against my nature for the benefit of a female, I’m doing her A FAVOR. It’s not that I’m compelled to do something out of some sense of “She deserves this” or she gets some sort of “preferential treatment”. Nope. I decided it’s something I either don’t want to do or don’t care about doing, but I’m going to CHOOSE to do it anyway, as a gift to her.

People RARELY bring what they actually want to the table when it comes to dating. It’s funny how if you go read entries on dating sites, they all sound so vanilla and middle-of-the road. Nobody’s doing “nothing” out of the ordinary. Everybody wants the same thing….. Right. :/ What’s really happening is that everyone’s holding back the real deal, hoping to land the other person while suppressing what they really want and what they really like.

This is one reason why people seem to “change” down the line. They get tired of acting. They get tired of suppressing who they really are to get the other person to do the right thing. You know what? I’m done taking out the trash. I’m done mowing the lawn. I’m done babysitting your kids. I’m done taking you to the movies. I’m done going to your grandmother’s house on Sundays. I’m done having kids with you I didn’t ask for or plan. I’m done listening to your crabby girlfriend low-rate me to you. I’m done doing things the way YOU like them instead of the way *I* want to do them. Take it or leave it. I don’t care. Be Out. Peace. Don’t let the door hit’cha where the Good Lord split’cha.

It’s easy to be (not yourself) during a few dates or if you only see someone briefly. It’s not so easy when you start seeing someone regularly or get into some kind of relationship with them. This is why you need to consider YOUR PERSONALITY first and whomever you’re dealing with SECOND.

When people don’t do what they want to do inside relationships, they do those things OUTSIDE of relationships. Does that make sense? When was the last time Hillary was under the table with a cigar? Get the picture? These things have to be done and SOMEBODY’S got to do it. Faking it and suppressing it in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s gone. If you’re not doing it, it’s happening in some other way.

Same thing with how chicks want guys to throw out their erotica collections. Come on. Srsly? Can you mind YOUR OWN BUSINESS? hahahaha The collection was around BEFORE you and will be around AFTER you. He was already into this stuff at the time you married him and was into it steadily for years until you found it. Get over it, live with it or break North. I actually saw a television show where they sent some guy to a camp or something to try to cure him of his erotica addiction hahaha oh brother. Sorry. If he likes chicks that look like X and you look like Y, you’re not going to visually turn him on REGARDLESS. You’re actually better off letting him keep what gets him aroused and reaping the benefits yourself, Capisce?

Alexis asked (basically) if my personality would turn off people that I possibly love. The answer to that is “Most Definitely! hahaha”. The reason that’s funny is that I actually REQUIRE people to be turned off by things that I do that they don’t like. That’s the only way to go, IMO. If you can’t hang with me, don’t. If reading DatingGenius gets you upset, go read something else. If you don’t like the chicks I go out with, send me some that you like. Good Lookin’ Out, haha.. Email their pics to DatingGenius@gmail.com. If you don’t like the fact that I say “chicks” instead of “ladies” or “women”, don’t listen to me speak in person. This isn’t one of those “It takes a village” situations.. In this case, it only takes one.

If 100 chicks don’t want to hang out with me for whatever reason and ONE wants to hang out with me, having a decent idea “Who I am” from reading my posts or chatting with me in person, I’m GOOD! My time is being well-spent, thank you. Personally, I’ve already been down that road of acting like someone else so some chick will wanna spend time with me, and it always ends up with “Bump THIS!.. I’mma do what *I* wanna do!” and that’s that.

The trick to these situations is personality and getting to know each other. Women attempt to distinguish themselves sexually in relationships, and for the most part, that can’t be done. The only way you’re going to stand out is by your personality, demeanor, way of being, how you carry yourself, your intelligence, common sense… The things that make any human being great are the things that a guy is going to select YOU for over the next woman and want to be exclusive with you. The fact that you give it up the most isn’t going to get you any credit towards layaway on an engagement ring. ‘Matter of fact, that doesn’t even mean he LIKES having sex with YOU the most… it just means he’ll take it.

When a guy gets to know a gal and honestly likes and respects her as a person, he NATURALLY wants to ‘do for her’. “What do *I* want to do” is often replaced by “What can I do to make HER smile?”. That’s not acting, pretending or playing it off. It’s a natural urge that he gets that’s honestly as vivid and strong as his erotica collection creates. It’s a really GREAT thing to be able to do for a woman that you feel deserves your time and attention. It’s great because it’s your desire to fulfill HER desires and you get to accomplish both at the same time as well as letting her know that she’s loved and appreciated.

IMO, This is when things work out the best.. When the actual personality of each person compels them to have the best interests of the other person at heart. Unfortunately, haha, that’s not usually the case, and people come to the table trying to get what they’re trying to get and temporarily concealing differences between them that might cause them not to get laid (or whatever they’re looking for from the other person). So “preferential treatment” isn’t actually what you want to look for in someone to date… You’re looking for someone who naturally wants to be around you, spend time with you, be in contact with you and incorporate you into every facet of his life that he possibly can, if you’re thinking this guy has ideas about future plans with you.

As for the folks that are busy concealing idiosyncrasies, as long as you’re looking to get in and get out, that’s fine. Have fun with that. If your plan in to get into a LTR, my advice is to make sure that person knows who you are from the giddyap, ’cause when you get tired of acting, there’s the potential for the situation to become a complete mess. BELEEDAT!

~Bill

Related Posts

• Why You Can’t Get A Boyfriend In NYC
• Women Date Up, Men Don’t
• Dumped For Personality?
• Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages
• Your Girlfriend Is A Ho

Twice in the last week, I’ve had an experience I haven’t had in a long time… Waiting on a line to get into a bar/club.

I don’t wait on lines, basically for two reasons. If I’m going somewhere on my own, I’m not going to stand in a line to get into a location that has the exact same chicks that are outside in the street, in the bar next door with no line, at the pizza shop right now having a slice, in the subway, in the supermarket etc etc etc. Merely by logic, there’s more physical space OUTSIDE that establishment than there is INSIDE it, so, actually, by going into a bar or club, I’m DECREASING the number of available chicks instead of INCREASING that number. So… Let me get this straight… You want me to wait on a line so I can be around FEWER chicks with LESS light and MORE noise so I can’t hear them, can’t see them and there are fewer of them to hear and see? Nah. :D

The other reason is that the people I hang out with don’t normally select places like that for get-togethers. This week was different. TWICE, I ended up waiting on lines to get into a spot, and I got to re-absorb some line-culture.

One of the things that’s annoying, yet completely understandable about lines for bars/clubs in NYC is that chicks are treated differently from guys. The reason it’s understandable is that by the time guys are on a line to get in a club, it’s usually after midnight. This usually means they’re already drunk. You do NOT want to leave chicks on a line with a bunch of drunk guys, because they’ll get harassed until they exit the line and walk away from your club. That’s no good, because if this keeps happening, the word’s gonna get out about your spot that you don’t take care of the ladies, and then you start to lose business.

Another reason to get chicks in the door, ASAP is that they’re bait. The more chicks you have inside, the more guys are buying those girls drinks, trying to get on. The obviously desired effects being 1) the chick feels goodwill towards you because “you did something nice for her” by buying her a drink, and 2) a SHARP decline in her ability to remember that she just met you or that she has a boyfriend at home. So the more chicks you let in, the more money you make, because you’re multiplying the number of drinks guys are buying, per minute.

Interestingly enough, using chicks as bait is a good reason NOT to let them skip the line, because if you use the style I just mentioned, you end up with a line outside your club of all guys, indicating that your bull****-ass club doesn’t pull any females, or “it ain’t that kinda party”….. Neither implication’s good for your business, so you need to find a balance…. well… I mean… unless it AIN’T that kinda party…..

So I’m standing there on a line last night, and I happened to have arrived at the spot right after these three chicks did. So there’s a line of guys, three chicks and then me. I had just come from another party, so I was feelin’ aiiite :) and didn’t bother to start watching my own podcast on my iPod Nano. Because of this, I became aware of the chattering of the chicks in front of me. They were obviously confused about something. Bewildered. Not to be confused with Befoogled.

Shifting to the side so I could see the furrow in one of the chick’s brows and watch her lips move so I could detect which lines were coming from her so I could make some sense of the chatter, I realized that they were not only confused, but UPSET that they had to wait on line to get in. Of course, I found this hilarious and tuned in for the fun. :D

So they’re switching between commiserating about not getting in and yelling statements to the bouncer (this guy was an actual “BOUNCER”, not these “doormen” that they place in front of clubs because they look stylish and completely unathletic. It’s the doorman’s job to scream into his little earpiece for the REAL SECURITY to come save him if some ish jumps off outside. :D) about why he should let them in. Regardless of how they framed it, their entire case was “We’re Girls!”. smh So here are these idiots, standing out in the street in Manhattan, NYC stating the obvious. It was perfectly obvious that they were all females. I’m sure the bouncer was aware of that. Each time they tried and didn’t receive any preferential treatment, they just got madder. :)

Adding fuel to the fire, another annoying-yet-understandable feature of line-culture is that people that know the doorman get in regardless of what the doorman just told YOU. The basic reason doormen like to give about making people wait to get in is that it’s too crowded inside, which is a valid issue to be concerned about. However, when they tell you that you have to wait until people LEAVE to get in, and then nobody leaves, and somebody hops out of a cab with four other people, shakes the doorman’s hand and enters the establishment with his/her entire party, you’re like WTF? But… That’s how it goes. If you don’t like it, don’t patronize establishments that deal with people on an unfair basis.

Meanwhile, some guys had now joined the line, and they had their own problems. Apparently, one of them had offered the doorman $20 to let him and his friends skip the line. This is a valid tactic, done by palming the money, then shaking the doorman’s hand. If he accepts the bill from you, he’ll let you and your friends in and it looks like you knew him to anyone that doesn’t perceive the exchange. So now, I’m laughing even more, because I’m virtually SURROUNDED by people that can’t believe they have to wait on a line! :D

Next thing that happens is this guy walks up with two chicks and starts talking to the three gals that are on line in front of me. He asks them the OBVIOUS, COMMON-SENSE question:

“What are you doing standing on a line when there are four other bars on this same block?”

This is the point I was making earlier. The only reason *I* was standing on the line was that the people who I came to see were inside that particular bar. So they start complaining to this guy, something to the effect of the bouncer being defective for not letting girls skip the line and go right into the bar without waiting. So he’s looking at them like they’re idiots and invites them to roll with him and the other two chicks to go down the street to some spot without a line. So after all that complaining and time-wasting, the girls get off the line (better for me, thanks! :)) and walk away while shouting at the bouncer stuff like “Now you have a line with all GUYS on it!”

Amazing! :D Such entertainment! Free! On the streets of Manhattan! :D

I would have SO missed out if I had been listening to Brett performing “The Hand That Feeds” on my Nano! haha

Now, in this particular case, the “problem” was that the bouncer was doing his job. His job is to regulate the flow of people into and out of the club as well as let in the people that he knows he’s supposed to let in, because if he doesn’t, they’re going to text/call someone who’s going to MAKE HIM let them in, AND he’s going to get in trouble for not recognizing the VIPs. It was smart of him not to compromise his integrity by accepting $20 from that guy to skip the line. Situations like that lead to people feeling disrespectfully towards the doorman, because “he can be bought”. You don’t want people feeling like that, especially drunk people, because then you might actually HAVE TO bounce them. It’s better for them to know you’re not havin’ it, so they keep that in mind when they get inside and act like they know.

For those particular three girls in front of me, they had a different problem. :D

This didn’t register to me as important until I understood what they were clamoring about, but when I shifted to the side to get a direct view of their lips so I could decipher a distinct line of chatter… amongst other things, I noticed that none of them were hot. Not meaning as in temperature, but as in having the level of looks that might motivate someone to offer them preferential treatment. One of them was ok…… The other two were… like… nah. :( Even the ok one wasn’t…….

ok… Like I said before, the reason you want to let chicks skip the line to get in the club is that they’re bait for guys to buy more drinks per minute so you make more money by the end of the night. Unfortunately for these three, they aren’t bait. Not only would guys NOT have been buying them drinks, but these three actually would have been taking up valuable space and simultaneously PREVENTING guys from easily accessing the bar to buy drinks for other chicks, so it was actually better for the club’s “bottom line” NOT to let them in at all. :D

This is what was so laughable and ridiculous about their commiseration and complaining. They didn’t realize that they weren’t up to par to receive the benefits and perks they were yelling for the bouncer to give them. The equivalent would be for me to stand there on line yelling at the bouncer “YO!… I’M A GUY! LET ME IN!” hahahaha The same way it makes no difference AND happens to be obvious that I’m a guy, it was obvious and made no difference that they were [unattractive] girls. Another reason why bouncers/doormen let girls in is that they want to kick it to them in the near future, if not tonight. These three FAILED in that aspect as well, so even if the bouncer hadn’t been strictly doing his job (not accepting bribes, etc), they wouldn’t have had any wins.

Another thing about them constantly running their mouths and acting like there was something wrong with the bouncer for not letting them in is that they were demonstrating that they have bad attitudes. Again, this is only something that HOT chicks can get away with. Being that he doesn’t care what she thinks anyway, the reason a guy tolerates a chick’s pathetic behavior is that she’s really attractive to him and/or he enjoys having sex with her. Letting chicks with crabby personalities into your bar is *NOT* going to help “the bottom line”. When guys talk about it the next day (or, in this case, blog about it the next day :) ), they’re going to say that when they went to your spot, there were a bunch of unattractive females with lame personalities = you lose business. There are literally too many extra women in this town to interact with unintelligent or crabby females…. 210,820 extra, to be exact! :D

So… Instead of stating the obvious, they should have just STFU and acted like they had some CLASS, and maybe the bouncer would have decided that they were chill and hooked them up. Also, walking away shouting insults at the bouncer who you were just *BEGGING* to let you in the club isn’t a smart move at all. That’s as dumb as those guys that stand out in the street calling women beautiful and lovely, and then when the women walk right by, the same guys start hurling insults. What sense does that make? Really.

Anyway, fortunately for me, the people that I hang out with seek out easily accessible locations. The less crowded the better, because we go out in groups to begin with and who knows how many people are going to eventually join the party? If it’s a private party we’re going to, there’s STILL no line, just names on the guest list. It WAS rather interesting to watch those chicks get indignant because of their sense of entitlement to special treatment merely for being females. :) The other time this week that I was on a line, there were lots of women waiting and they all cheerfully spoke with each other to pass the time until they got in. If these particular three would have understood that the ability to skip the line is a COURTESY and not something they’re ENTITLED TO, they would have carried themselves differently and had a much better chance of achieving their goals for the evening.

DatingGenius

Related Posts

• Why don’t women approach me?
• Does it matter what women think?
• Women’s Guide to NYC Dating
• Pretty Girls – Too Unapproachable?
• Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages