Keep. Your. Legs. Closed.

You have *GOT* to see this video, JUST so you can listen to and watch Andrea Mitchell after this dude tells her this joke! 😀

In case you don’t want to watch it yourself, this is what he said! 😀

You have *GOT* to see this video, JUST so you can listen to and watch Andrea Mitchell after this dude tells her this joke! 😀


YouTube Link => youtu.be/ZM6ifRq_SNg

In case you don’t want to watch it yourself, this is what he said! 😀 Continue reading “Keep. Your. Legs. Closed.”

Ho Into A Housewife?

Reader “Buxom” left a comment the other day on “Why You Got Dumped After Sex that requires its own post to discuss:

Buxom: I need some advice. About a year ago I removed myself from an 8 year relationship after finding out my ex got not one but two women pregnant.

Good Idea.

Buxom: I uprooted my life and moved back in with my mother and went back to school. After 6 months of dating with no “hooking up” I realized I had unresolved trust issues and wasn’t ready to be in another relationship.

Bill CammackThis makes sense. Part of entering a “relationship” with someone is vetting them.. personally vouching for them. You decide, using your own instincts that this person is trustworthy and actually loves you, yadda yadda.

When you find out something like dude hooked up with not only one, but TWO OTHER WOMEN (that you’re aware of) without using protection during an 8-year relationship with you, potentially endangering your health and or ENTIRE LIFE in the process, it’s going to be a traumatic experience. Continue reading “Ho Into A Housewife?”

Prevent Teen Pregnancy!

Today, May 06, 2009, is the eighth annual National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. As the world-renowned DatingGenius (not to mention, the author of “How To Avoid Pregnancy” and “Don’t Try The Rhythm Method!”), I feel it’s my duty to inform you how to keep your kids out of the Teen Pregnancy zone.

Boredom -> Pregnancy

Teens are BORED. Teens have nothing to do with their time. GIVE your kids something to do, or they will FIND something to do. Enroll them in Karate or Piano Lessons or a Dance Company.

Make them play Football or Softball or SOMETHING! This way, they’re having fun, they’re spending their time learning things and achieving goals and hopefully, at the end of the day, they’ll be too tired from all that physical and mental exercise to have sex! 😀 Continue reading “Prevent Teen Pregnancy!”

Maury Show Tips: 01 – You Are An Idiot

Inititally, I wanted to make ONE post about The Maury Show, but I realized in discussing the concept with some of my lady friends that there are just too many topics to go over, so I’m going to have to make this a series.

Now, The Maury Show is very, very, VERY funny. It’s also sad, pathetic and depressing, but if you can get past the fact that these are real people on the stage, you can focus on laughing instead of crying.

This is not by luck or chance. It’s not an error. They don’t just HAPPEN to people involved in these weirdo circumstances by pot luck. It’s a setup…. It’s a setup, and the joke’s on YOU, Jack. 😀

This series, “Maury Show Tips”, is going to help you help yourself just in case you end up on the show. Like all self-help situations, most of which end in “anonymous”, we have to begin with a basic premise that you will need to accept before you can absorb what I’m saying, understand it and utilize it in the near future. This basic, fundamental and ALL-IMPORTANT premise is:

You. Are. An. Idiot.

Now, this is very important. Continue reading “Maury Show Tips: 01 – You Are An Idiot”

Don’t Try The Rhythm Method!

Reader “Kenya” made the following comment on my post “How To Avoid Pregnancy”. I actually had this discussion IRL yesterday, and felt I should clarify what I was talking about in tip #2 and tip #5, but Kenya put it down in “black & white”, so I’ll respond directly to what she posted.

Also, I’d like to say off the bat… ANY technique for avoiding pregnancy that involves getting ANY liquid on a chick other than your saliva is COMPLETELY RETARDED! ThxKBai.

So Kenya said:

Number 2 is called the “rhythm method” and doesn’t work. Also, the menstrual cycle starts (Number 5) at the end of ovulation. So if the egg has not yet been expelled from the body through the menstrual cycle, the woman still has a chance of becoming pregnant.

The only thing here that has any chance of working is a combination of 3 and 4. Number 3 and 4 together because 4 alone doesn’t work and 3 alone won’t work with the wrong woman. If a woman wants to trap you, she will.

Thanks for your comments, as usual, Kenya. 🙂

I don’t know what you mean by “at the end of ovulation”, and I wouldn’t presume to tell you or ANY woman ANYTHING about menstrual cycles, hahaha 🙂 but what I’m talking about is outlined in wikipedia.

Regardless of what starts the cycle, the beginning of her “period” or menstrual phase marks what we’ll refer to for the sake of this discussion as “day 1”. [see the chart]. Ovulation occurs approximately on day 14, according to the same chart. No matter how you stack it, they’re roughly opposing each other every single month, like government checks.

What I’m saying is that if you… Well, first of all, the whole idea is STUPID! 😀 If you don’t want to get a chick pregnant, either follow tip #1 and don’t hit it or use as many precautions as you can on your side AND hers to make the odds as slim as possible that an accident will occur. But what I didn’t clearly state, which Frank talks about in comment #13, and I’ll revise it right after I make this comment… Is I SHOULD have said “5) Hit it AT THE BEGINNING of her period”. Being that the FIRST DAY of her period is going to be nowhere near day 1 of her ovulation, you should be good.

The problem is that most guys aren’t aware of when their girl’s period starts because they’re not hitting it every day. If they were, they’d notice the distinct difference from going from zero blood to spotting.

The problem with not knowing when it started is that you don’t have an idea of when day 14 (or whenever she actually ovulates) is going to occur. This is how dudes get tripped up, because if her period lasts for seven days, they’re getting in with only a week to spare instead of two. Of course, this is actually the WORST time to get on, especially if she ovulates relatively early in her cycle.

I understand that since I didn’t properly go into depth on tip #5, you thought I was talking about The Rhythm Method. I’m not talking about calculating anything by counting backwards or assuming that a woman’s cycle is exactly 28 days. What I’m saying is… Assuming sperm can live for seven (7) days, if you hit it when she first spots, she’d have to ovulate around day 8, which is about 5 days away from the average of day 14. UNFORTUNATELY… 🙂 According to PubMed Central, in an article entitled The timing of the “fertile window” in the menstrual cycle: day specific estimates from a prospective study:

“Early ovulation has sometimes been thought to signal a less fertile cycle. For example, some authorities state that a cycle is seldom fertile when ovulation occurs before day 13 of the menstrual cycle. We found no evidence of this. Indeed, the earliest ovulation in our study ( cycle day 8 ) produced a healthy infant.”

So, yeah… If your girl ovulates on day 8, that’s just your lousy luck! 😀

Anyway… Like Kenya says… if you HAVE TO hit it at all, make sure you keep your CONDOM game tight and mess with chicks that aren’t tryinna have kids offa you in the first place! 😀

Thanks again to Kenya (and my friends IRL that I discussed this same point with) for bringing this up.

DatingGenius

How To Avoid Pregnancy

Here are five quick tips on how to avoid getting your girl pregnant:

1) Don’t hit it… evAr

Yes. I know. This tip is useless, because you were only talking to her in the first place so you could have sex with her. I know. I know….

2) Time her cycle [Edit: Extended discussion/explanation @ “Don’t Try The Rhythm Method”. Basically, *ANY* technique for avoiding pregnancy that involves getting *ANY* liquid on a chick other than your saliva is *COMPLETELY* *RETARDED*!]

Relatively, there’s only a small window of time during which you can accidentally get your girl pregnant… I mean, ACTUALLY get your girl pregnant. According to
The American Pregnancy Association:

“During the time of ovulation, an egg is available to be fertilized for only about 12-24 hours. But since sperm can live in the body for 3-5 days and then the egg is available for one day, your most fertile time is considered to be about 5-7 days.”

Even if we stretch that to 10 days, you have another 20 days each month that you can do what you say, say what you mean and one thing won’t lead to another!

YOUR assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to figure out which week out of each month you need to regularly have one whole hell of a lot of headaches and late nights at the office! 😀

3) No Glove… No Love

Condoms don’t fail because the factory made them poorly. They fail because YOU didn’t put them on correctly. Make sure the condom fits. Make sure you leave space at the top for your… Happy Ending.

Here’s a tip. If the sex starts feeling “too good”, the condom probably broke or rolled off. STOP &#@$%G RIGHT NOW! and go get another condom.

4) Only screw chicks with career aspirations

Make sure you talk about careers early in your relationship with your girlfriend. If her chosen career path dictates that she can’t afford to take time off for maternity leave, you’re IN THERE! 😀

Just don’t bungle the position by a) making her fall in love with you so she no longer cares about careers or money, or b) getting that big promotion that makes her feel like starting a family off of YOUR paycheck.

5) Hit it during her period [Edit: Revised. I didn’t express myself properly here. I should have said “Hit it on THE FIRST DAY of her period” See the comments below or read “Don’t Try The Rhythm Method” for clarification. Thanks to Kenya for bringing it up in the comments and thanks to other friends of mine for bringing it up IRL in the time since I initially made this post. 🙂 ]

Hey…. What goes up…. Must come down! 😀

DatingGenius