Bill Cammack » reasons

Women Date Up, Men Don’t

Bill Cammack — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 12:23:38 +0000

So.. I was listening to this blogtalk radio show that Danielle Ricks hosted, right?.. And I’m running my mouth in the text chat room and say something regarding how it gets tougher for women to date, the older they get and it gets easier for men, and it’s like “Huh? What?” :D

So I thought this was blatantly obvious, but let me get into it right quick, one time for the people. :D

Reasons

Men date because they want to have a good time and hook up with hawt chicks. Yes.. There are some guys that are looking for an exclusive girlfriend and some guys that are looking for one gal to have kids with and to marry and yadda yadda.

For the most part, guys are adding something to their lives that they want but they don’t necessarily need.

Meanwhile, women date because they want to secure a guy that’s going to make their life worth living. The common term is something like “I could do BAD on my own! :/”. The indication here is that adding a guy into her life is supposed to make it significantly better, or why should she be involved with him at all? o_O

I mean.. Not only is he supposed to listen to how her day was, but he’s supposed to tap that proppah AND bring her PIZZA to boot! :O .. I mean, C’MON, SUNN!!! :/ What’s *SHE* supposed to be doing while this dude’s doing EVERYTHING in the relationship?

Anyway… Because guys and gals have different reasons for dating, guys have an increasingly significant advantage on the dating scene as we get older.

Money

Supposedly, the older you get, the more money you have. The more money you have, the easier it is to pull chicks, because you can live in the fly house or own the yacht or sportscar or the fancy clothes, watches, jewelry, whatever that gets females to flock to you to attempt to use you for your money and give up sex in the process. Done Deal! :D

Meanwhile, having more money does women NO GOOD, WHATSOEVER! :D hehe Nobody cares if y’all have money or not. We care if we feel turned on by being around you. Your best bet is to use your money for Gym subscriptions and keep that body in shape where we feel like tappin’ that.

Other than that, if you’re rich as hell and you look busted, you’re not going to get the first look at the bar. It’s just not gonna happen. \o/

So guys get an advantage in dating the more money we have. Women do not.

Looks

Guys select women by looks. Don’t be fooled. Yes, it’s true that I believe that PERSONALITY is the deciding factor if a guy’s going to get into a LTR with a gal, but the fact of the matter is that if he doesn’t feel like looking at you, he’s not going to approach you in the first place to find out what your personality’s like.

Meanwhile… Women select men based on emotional and support issues. The guy still has to look DECENT in order for her to give him a shot, but an unattractive guy that has a mansion and a yacht will STILL be able to pull some sort of gold-digger female to share his wealth with him in exchange for hooking him up with “Happy Endings”.

The ability to look good decreases as people age. The ability to emotionally and financially support someone does not. Once again, guys have an advantage as we age because we become in demand by MORE females while the women become in demand by FEWER males.

Personality

Guys and gals get over with poor personalities when we’re young because everybody’s trying to get something from the other person and we’re willing to endure wack personalities as long as we can in order to receive the benefits from spending time with them.

This doesn’t work out so well for women as they age, for the reasons stated above. The more y’all’s looks diminish, the less guys are willing to put up with crabby attitudes. The ROI just isn’t there. :D It’s better to either spend time with a different mediocre-looking chick that’s a nice person and fun to hang out with or meet a different crabby chick that’s hawt to death and we don’t mind how much of a JERK she is because we enjoy hooking up with her.

Meanwhile.. If a guy’s personality isn’t top-of-the-line but he knows how to offer women emotional and/or financial support, he’s never going to run out of women. In fact, it actually gets EASIER for guys to pull women if they’re seen as Sugar Daddies or marks that can be utilized for a payday. If you’re willing to play that role, you can be as old as you like and have a harem.. Ask Hugh Hefner.

Career

One of the worst problems for aging women is that they are brainwashed to date guys that have better careers than they do.

How many times have you heard some chick say she’d only date a guy that makes more money than she does? o_O

Now.. Think about how many times you’ve heard a guy say ANYTHING about a gal’s career that he’s dating……. Yeah.. Probably Never. That’s because nobody cares.

The guys that care about a woman’s career are looking for a payday. I mean, imagine going to a bar, meeting a FOYINE-ASS CHICK, kickin’ it with her for 20 minutes and then asking her what she does and she says she flips burgers at McDonald’s and then you’re like “WHAT??? :O .. AW HELLZ NAW!!!.. I can’t date *YOU*!!! :/”.

hahaha It’s not going to happen. Nobody cares. Her function is to look good and be a turn-on, not pay for stuff. If she can kick in ducats, fine. If she can’t?… FINE! :D

As people age and progress in their careers, this is going to make things harder for women and easier for men. Guys get richer and more prestigious and become even MORE ATTRACTIVE to women. SImultaneously.. Women get richer and more prestigious and raise the bar for guys that they’re willing to date, since they want to date guys that are doing better than they are.

The obvious problem with this is that the guys that are doing better than women with impressive careers aren’t looking for women with impressive careers. They’re looking for attractive chicks that are DSS or DTF.

The older guys get, the more DTF chicks are available to them. They make more every year. :D Whatever leverage Career-Women might have had back in the day is mostly gone and rapidly diminishing.

Age

The absolute worst problem for women in this scenario is that they’re brainwashed to date men older than they are.

The older women get, the older the guys are that they try to create relationships with. They don’t want to be called/labeled “Cougars” or Cradle-Robbers or whatever other bullshit has been conjured up to shame women into acting however men want them to.

Meanwhile, guys don’t care about that. Legal is Legal. If he’s 60 and she’s 30, it’s ON and POPPIN’!!! >:D

There are approximately ZERO 60-year-old dudes that are looking for 70-year-old women. Meanwhile, 60-year-old women that fell for the okey-doke are still playing the “Older than I am” game.

Same thing if you bring it down to the 40s. 40-year-old dudes are still dating college chicks. 40-year-old women are looking for 45-year-old dudes that aren’t looking for THEM! o_O

Solution

The obvious solution here is for successful women to Date Down.

Once y’all get past the point of needing a guy for financial support, you can do whatever you feel like doing.

Look at your girl, Demi Moore… People talked a lot of TRASH when she hooked up with Ashton Kutcher. You know what happened after that?… That’s right.. She enjoyed her life.. The only one she’s going to have.

There’s a lot of talk about “Independent Women”. You’re not independent if you’re still operating under your antiquated brainwashing.

“Independent” doesn’t mean “Free to choose the guy you’re dependent upon”. It means that you’re going to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. It means that if you want to go to The Bahamas, you’re going to GO instead of waiting for a guy to take you.

It means that if you want to buy that sports car, you’re going to DO IT instead of waiting for a guy to buy it for you. If you want that apartment or house, you’re going to GET IT and make your life as fantastic as you want it to be.

It ALSO means that if you honestly feel, in your “heart of hearts” that you want to date a guy YOUNGER than you or BROKER than you or SHORTER than you or LESS PRESTIGIOUS than you or LESS FAMOUS than you, you’re going to go ahead and do that because this is *YOUR* life, not anyone else’s, and when it’s over, you have to look back on it and say “I went for MINE’Z!!!” instead of “I followed everyone’s rules about how I should act.. Where’s my prize? :O”.
–
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10 Reasons He Wants To Be “Just Friends”

Bill Cammack — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:25:11 +0000

Lindsey Chen (@LindseyChen) & Bill Cammack (@BillCammack)

Lindz & Bill present 10 Reasons He Wants To Be “Just Friends”

Related Posts
Lindsey & Bill: Does He Want To Be Friends?
Top 10 Reasons to Date a Geek
Top Ten Valentine’s Day DON’Ts!
Top 10 Mistakes Girls Make When Trying To Get A Guy
Top 10 Mistakes Guys Make When Trying To Get A Girl
10 Warning Signs That You Should Dump His Ass

Every once in a while, a gal will meet a guy that she knows likes her as a person as well as romantically, however, he refuses to make it happen. He refuses to take that extra step to start something up between them and see how it goes. This is when a gal finds herself trapped in the dreaded Friends Zone!!! :O

As usual, it’s Lindz & Bill to the rescue, with ten reasons why you might be receiving this kind of treatment. Let us know what you think in the comments section, below…

Lindz

1. He Wants to Keep His Options Open

Ladies, he would never put himself on a diet just in case he got hungry and wanted a cheeseburger and fries. The same with this situation. Tying himself down to you or any one person at all completely eliminates all the rest of the girls out there and to be honest, there are many fish in the sea. Many FINE fish in the sea that are looking for the perfect King Salmon or King Crab to go home with.

2. He’d Rather Hang Out With His Guy Friends Than Be Obligated To You

By not dating you or any other woman, he has the right to say, “No I don’t want to go to your sister’s Bat Mitzvah with you. I’d rather stay home and play Fantasy Football. Really it doesn’t matter what he is doing because if he’s not tied down to you, he has no obligation. Guys are lazy and they don’t like to commit. Maybe one night he would rather sit at home and watch porn than go to your Mom’s 60th birthday with you. Can you blame him?

3. The Holidays Are Coming Up And He’s Broke.

Having a significant other generally means that you have to get them a gift for their birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day. If he’s broke and legitimately cannot afford a gift for you, he may hold off on the boyfriend/girlfriend status because not getting you a gift will make him seem cheap and embarassing, and he would rather be single than be called cheap.

4. You’re Way Hotter Than Him and He’s Insecure That You’ll Leave Him

Guys really do think that way. He would rather not date you than date you and be dumped by you. Because then he would be that douchebag that got dumped by the hot girl. And it would hurt his self esteem and image for longer than you would probably be dating. He’s gotta look out for himself in this situation. That’s why you see so many good looking guys with not so good looking girls. They are confident that she’ll stick around. It’s hard being hot. I know…

5. You’re Damaged Goods (Bros Before Hoes)

Well you brought this upon yourself, what can I say? If you’re trying to hook up with a guy or date him, DO NOT.. I repeat.. DO NOT hook up, date, sleep around, flirt, text, his friends. Contrary to what you may think, guys DO talk and they will talk about that girl (YOU) who is trying to play them like they were born yesterday. So be wise and most importantly, choose wisely. One stupid drunken hook up could curse your future forever.
You’re damaged goods (Bros before Hoes)

Bill

6. He Doesn’t Want To Hit It

He thinks you’re fantastic as a person and all that, but he just doesn’t see having sex with you as being a good time. This might be because he’s not physically turned on by your body or he’s not mentally aroused by your mentality or your way of being. You might be too kinky for him or not kinky enough.. too chunky or too skinny, too prudish or too horny, you might have too much junk in the trunk or not enough bounce to the ounce! HAHA Who Knows? :D

7. You Can’t Handle It

“I’ve seen the future! I can’t afford it!” Sometimes, it becomes apparent that getting out is going to be tougher than getting in. Being that he has ZERO intentions of having sex with only you for the rest of his life, as much as he’d love to hook up with you, it’s ultimately more trouble than it’s worth. He’ll just have to be content to fantasize about it and keep it movin’! :D

8. HE Can’t Handle It

A brotha stands to potentially lose some Cool Points if he hooks up with a chick that’s TOO FOYINE and then all that “King Of My Castle” trash he’s been talking about women for YEARS suddenly evaporates into thin air. He might have to take a pass on this one in order to maintain his Social Cred.

9. Your Friendship or Business Is More Important

Keep your eyes on the prize!!! :D You don’t want to jack you career advancement because your now-ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to see your grill around the office. Bite the bullet on this one and get PizAID!!! You can pull a lot more chicks with the money you’ll be getting from this one. ;)

Also, if you expect a certain level of coolness and mental compatibility, close homegirls are hard to find. Beleedat! It’s TOTALLY not worth it to alienate a great gal because she’s sour that y’all aren’t hooking up anymore. But hey… I mean if she begs you, you might just have to do her that solid and hit her off, NAH MEEN? :D

10. You Have Lots Of Attractive Girlfriends

If he’s friends with you, you’ll introduce him to all your foyine-ass girlfriends that are always crowded around you at the parties! :D If he’s messing with you, you’re gonna hog The Kid all to yourself, and what’s the point of being SELFISH??? :D

Remember! Ain’t no fun ‘less’n your HOMEGIRLS could get some!!! :D

Lindz|@LindseyChen & Bill|@BillCammack

10 Warning Signs That You Should Dump His Ass

Bill Cammack — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:19:24 +0000

Lindsey Chen (@LindseyChen) & Bill Cammack (@BillCammack)

Lindz & Bill present 10 Warning Signs That You Should Dump His Ass!

Related Posts
Top 10 Reasons to Date a Geek
Top Ten Valentine’s Day DON’Ts!
Top 10 Mistakes Girls Make When Trying To Get A Guy
Top 10 Mistakes Guys Make When Trying To Get A Girl
Lindsey & Bill: Does He Want To Be Friends?
Morning-After Conduct

Lots of times… Sometimes evidenced in this very blog, hehe.. Women stay in relationships that they would be better off getting out of.

In some cases, it’s not obvious to them what’s going on, but in others, their Significant Other is waving these gigantic red flags at them that they either refuse to see or are unable to recognize for some reason.

As usual, it’s Lindz & Bill to the rescue, with ten warning signs that should make y’all go “HMMMMMMMMMM…..”. Let us know what you think in the comments section, below…

Lindz

1. He books a trip home to see his parents and when he calls you, he says “Actually I’ve decided to stay… um.. indefinitely.”

To me, this says, “I don’t really give a $^#% about you, or what you think. All I care about is myself.” He doesn’t even bother to discuss it with you or see how you feel. Mind you, it IS his decision ultimately, but come on, man… be respectful and courteous. I’ll give it to him that he may be stressed or frustrated over something, which may or may not have something to do with you, but is that how he deals with his issues? Just ups and leaves? Well, do yourself a favor and leave this loser.

2. He’s too self-conscious or insecure to meet your friends or introduce you to his.

If even HE thinks he’s a loser, then why would YOU want to waste your time on him? He obviously has more issues than just being insecure – He has low self-esteem and doesn’t think he’s worth meeting your amazingly cool friends. And you’re way too awesome to have to deal with this baggage. If he doesn’t think he’s worth it, then you definitely shouldn’t either. DUMP HIS ASS.

3. He forgets about your Birthday / Anniversary / Valentine’s Day.

A good guy will never forget about these holidays. Whether you care about them or not, he should show that he appreciates you for who you are. If he forgets them, someone better have died, because otherwise it just shows that he doesn’t prioritize his relationship over other things in his life. What? Is he too into playing WOW and forgot that it was your birthday IRL? In the future, how is he going to show his appreciation if he can’t even remember what day is your birthday? LOSER.

4. He never has money to pay for his share when you go out.

Note: I said HIS SHARE, not even the whole bill – I get it that we’re in the 21st Century, and a lot of the times, it’s common for guys and girls to go 50/50. I’m talking about those guys that expect YOU to foot the bill. EXCUSE ME? This is the first warning sign of a loser who isn’t financially responsible for himself and chooses not to take care of himself. Last I checked you weren’t his babysitter. You better dump his ass before he starts asking you for his weekly allowance.

5. He treats his family like $^#% and makes up excuses as to why they don’t get along. I.E. He’s too good for them.

If he believes that its OK to treat his family – his own flesh and blood – like crap, how do you think he feels about treating you? He obviously doesn’t think there is anything wrong with that and with the right situation to piss him off, he’s like an atom bomb waiting to explode. Just make sure that you’re not around to reap the repercussions.

Bill

6. Having a girlfriend isn’t as important to him as having a boyfriend is to you.

Lots of times, dudes are just getting laid. Period. It doesn’t really have anything to do with YOU, personally. A girlfriend = guaranteed sex, and that’s about it. If it’s not personal with you, you can be easily replaced by any OTHER chick that wants to have sex with him on the regular and isn’t going to be too much of a PITA in the meantime. Keep those lines of communication open so you can tell whether he’s having the same relationship to you that you’re having to him.

7. He doesn’t consider any of your opinions to be valid.

Do you ever get that feeling when you make suggestions that your man’s playing you off like Keyboard Cat?

That’s a beauty pageant, not a spelling bee. That chick wasn’t selected for her mind. She was selected for her looks and her body. Similarly, if that’s why YOU were hired, and your man really doesn’t give a damn what you say or think, don’t expect to have MORE respect in the future. You’ll most likely have LESS, being that you’re no longer in school, your brain isn’t getting any exercise, because nobody discusses intelligent topics with you and the education you DID receive in school is now outdated. If this is you… get a new boyfriend who respects you or at least is willing to pretend that he does.

8. He’s always getting numbers / still active on that dating site you met him on.

Remember when you met him and you shut down your account and you stopped returning emails from dudes and you stopped checking how many winks you got today? :D hahaha Well, Keep an eye on your man’s account, because if it’s still active, you might not be “all that” and he might be preparing to trade you in for the next best chick. If you’d like to know for sure, make a fake account, send him a wink/message and see if he takes the bait…..

9. He doesn’t treat you differently from any other chick.

If you’re REALLY his girlfriend, you should be able to list the perks that you get for having that title. If you can’t differentiate between how your man treats YOU vs. how he treats other chicks, you might not be Ms. Right. You might be Mrs. Right Now! :D Ask him for something that should be easy for him to do, like… I don’t know….. kiss you in public?….. hehehe If you can’t get that, he may very well be preserving his game with the next chick, since her friends might be in the same room with you, or maybe she’s there herself.

10. You have access to his ex-girlfriends and knowledge of how THEIR relationships ended up.

Ladies… Please… Seriously… :D If you see how some dude dogged females in the past, PLEASE use that information to make educated decisions about messing with him or trying to be his girlfriend. I’m sure that every single one of them thought that they were as fly as YOU think YOU are right now. Every one of them ended up as *EX-GIRLFRIENDS* too, so get a clue.

Lindz|@LindseyChen & Bill|@BillCammack

Top 10 Reasons to Date a Geek

Bill Cammack — Wed, 20 May 2009 14:57:04 +0000

L = Lindsey Chen B = Bill Cammack

Lindz & Bill present the top 10 reasons why you should actively seek out geeks for dating, relationships or marriage:

Geeks are always played down in the John Cusack / John Hughes movies, but you’ll notice they always end up with that monumental kiss at the end of the movie, indicating that a long-lasting and loving relationship ensued.

I’ll bet you wondered why they write movies that way… Well, wonder no more!!! Here’s why geeks > EVERYBODY as far as dating! :D

1. You can learn a lot about them by going to their website – usually www.theirname.com. They will have a site.

L: What’s a geek without a site? A fake geek. Google them and you can probably find everything you need to know about them – hell – their favorite food, color and even their blood type. Just be careful though, you can also bet that they have a secret tracking service to track your IP address, so you may want to do this from your local public library.

B: FRLZ! If you can’t go to LindseyChen.com or BillCammack.com and get all the information you need to determine whether you’d like to meet this person or not, they need to turn in their geek credentials.

Even Worse… If you can’t Google Lindsey Chen or Google Bill and find them within the top 10 entries for their name, they’re probably not authentic geeks at all! :/

2. They don’t have time to cheat on you because they’re working on their startup.

B: Geeks have a severely limited amount of time allocated to social interaction. That’s why they buy dogs instead of having kids. Dogs don’t need to be taught English or how to play baseball. They also don’t need a college fund. Anyway… You can be that your Geeky Significant Other is spending every DROP of socialization they can muster on YOU! :D If they say they’re working late, they actually ARE! If they say they’re out having drinks, they’re STILL discussing their business, not trying to get raps. Until they “get bought”, you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about! :D

L: And when they’re out drinking, you know they’re really not. Refer to #9. One of the main reasons they like to work on their startup is because they’re a geek and we all know they have very limited social skillz. So why spend the time being socially awkward while trying to talk to a girl in a bar when they can be at their computer? The computer understands, it doesn’t talk back and it will certainly give you the time of day. Plus, you never have to buy it dinner or worry if its cheating on you ;)

3. Their idea of girl watching is going to images.google.com and typing in “girls”.

L: I mean, honestly… Why would they even think about getting in their car – better yet strapping on their rollerblades and heading down to the local mall or Starbucks to go girl watching? They have their computer, they can easily type in “GIRLS” and mostly likely they can also hack into the site to steal the pictures afterwards. It’s an all around win-win situation for both, eh?

B: Absolutely. “Going Places” is completely inefficient. Real chicks have become obsolete, due to the plethora of free internet porno options available. Sure, they’re nice to look at and all that, but in the time it takes to get them to give it up, you could have handled the business already.

4. You introduce them to The Beatles (or any other good band) and they think you’re the best music talent scout ever.

B: Geeks are normally only exposed to middle-of-the-road Hipster Music that gets passed around on social media sites, like this:

They’re not used to music with actual drive or meaning. Introduce them to a band or artist from a period when they actually had to write good lyrics and play good music to get a record deal, and they’ll thank you profusely for it. ;)

L: Exactly. If all they ever hear is the crappy internet music and they think that’s good, can you imagine the light you can shed on them when you tell them to listen to something worth listening to?.. Take it one step further and buy them a CD… After all, it’s not always all about Limewire or iTunes.

5. You never have to pay customer support to figure out why your website isn’t working.

L: How annoying is it to call customer support all the time to try and fix your website, computer or anything else on the internet? Do you know what DHCP or HTML means? Me neither, but that’s why you have a geek boyfriend/girlfriend. 24 hour support ’round the clock style, and the best part is that you’re not on hold for 2 hours! Hallelujah!

B: No doubt. A few back massages and some “special attention” ;) and there’s no need for you to call Kansas… and be re-routed to India.

6. You know that they googled sexual positions and skillz.

Lux Alptraum & Bill Cammack

B: Don’t you just hate it when you get down to the Nitty-Gritty with someone and only THEN figure out that their entire sexual style was derived from emulating late-night softcore movies on Showtime or HBO?

Forget all that! Just the way they studied for their SATs, geeks study YOUR BODY and figure out the most efficient & expedient ways to get you where you need to go! Satisfaction Guaranteed!.. Capisce??? :D

L: hahaha This is sad, but so true, so you need not worry if you’re the first person they’ve ever been with or the 2nd. (Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves).. And to make things even better, you know they’re clean! – They can probably read off every symptom of ever STD known to mankind, courtesy of google.com, of course.

7. Their idea of a great bachelor party is all meeting up and going on a WoW raid.

L: Going back to the notion that geeks like to “do it online” rather than IRL, this is really a benefit for you… Why go out and get drunk with a stripper when you can kill people or stalk people or do whatever the hell you do on a WOW raid? So much more fun… And you don’t even have to get dressed up to do it!

B: hahaha Not to mention, with the number of chicks on YouTube doing “live shows” where they show more T&A than their actual faces, there’s no point in hitting The Wedge or Scores anymore. Just mute the volume on your computer so their nasal vocal tones and inane babbling don’t distract you from checking out their bodies & it’s INSTANT BACHELOR PARTY! WOOOOOO! :D

8. They’re easy to shop for. They wear the same clothes you do.

B: This is one of the benefits of dating chicks that look good in flannel lumberjack shirts, black jeans and black boots. They look cool and hawt at the same time, and you don’t have to worry about getting stranded at their crib after a night of partying, because you know they have something for you to wear the next day.

Also, you get to avoid being photographed while buying her a gift in Victoria’s Secret and becoming a laughing stock on Facebook.

L: This is true, however the flipside may not be so true. I wouldn’t like to see my boyfriend wearing a skirt and heels. I think the main point is that geeks can’t tell if its designer or if its Wal-Mart brand, so no need to impress. In fact, they’ll be happier that you spent $5 on a t-shirt than $100 bucks and most likely they’ll never know. Prada.. what?

9. They’re too scared to drink because the might get drunk, therefore you always have a Designated Driver.

L: Being a geek doesn’t mean that you don’t drink. It just means that it not only kills brain cells but it can also get you drunk and take it that critical step further, where you could do something you regret! Geeks are way too “smart” to drink and lose their inhibitions. I mean WHO DOES THAT??? :X

B: COMPLETELY! hehe.. This is the Facebook Age. You can’t afford to get blitzed and end up getting tagged in a picture making out with a cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton.

10. No interference from outsiders. You’re the only one that thinks they’re HAWT.

B: Yeah, your geek-boyfriend has ZERO muscle tone, but he’s googled how to maximize what little athleticism he has to make it happen for you! ;) .. Yeah, your geek-girlfriend looks like a stick figure in her flannel shirt & non-fitting jeans, but her body’s actually BANGIN’, and WATCH OUT if you get her on the dance floor! :D Fortunately, nobody knows these things but YOU, so you can divert all energies from turf-defense and devote them all to enjoying your personal diamond in the rough! ;)

L: Yeah, skinny guys are hot. And if you ever get in a fight with them, you know that you can easily take them… With one arm!… The only problem is that you may want to solicit some extra help on moving day.

Lindz: LindseyChen.com | twitter.com/LindseyChen
Bill: BillCammack.com | twitter.com/BillCammack

Read more posts in the Lindz & Bill category!

Advantages of Celibacy (not having sex)

Bill Cammack — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 14:43:52 +0000

According to Webster’s, “Celibacy” is either 1) the state of not being married, or 2) abstention from sexual intercourse (read: not having sex).

I don’t know what works in the sticks, but here in NYC, people avoid sex by buying dogs. The dog becomes the central figure in the relationship and as long as HE pets the dog and then SHE pets the dog, the “love” is transferred throughout the entire “family” without him actually having to waste time having sex with her when he could be working on his startup.

So here are some of the advantages of celibacy:

Kung Fu Proficiency

Regardless of how long you study the I-Ching Manual, you’ll never attain the highest level of kung fu proficiency unless you’re celibate.

You can get close, but if someone’s received the same training you have, yet has kept himself “pure”, he’s always going to be the stronger of the two of you when it comes down to that all-important last fight in the movie.

Many men with aspirations to take over the world (or, at least China) have been thwarted by this lack of dedication to kung fu and wanton disregard for its rules. Don’t let this happen to you. Be a champion! Lay off the chicks!

Say WHAT?

Until they invent airborne STDs, remaining celibate will protect you from viruses… like buying a Mac.

No more worrying about what you might have until your test results come back in a few weeks. No more nurses looking down their noses at you like as if you’re guilty of something and you looking back up at them like “um… You’re not even a #*$&^%( DOCTOR. You’re a NURSE! Go do your job and hand out band-aids or something!”. No more picking up girls at the clinic, because you know they “put out”.

I’m just saying… That’s what I heard goes on in those places…

The P Word

Celibacy comes in handy when a chick you know gets pregnant. You get to raise one eyebrow like Spock and say something snappy, like “How’d THAT Happen?” or “Good luck with that.”

No being dragged on The Maury Show with eight other guys for you! Nope. Sit back with the popcorn, while she starts scrolling through her cell phone contacts for OTHER GUYS that might be responsible for the runner that won the race.

Perpetual State of Horniness

In social situations, when politely flirting with the ladies, it always helps to be somewhat “backed up”, ahem… Celibacy adds that extra edge to what you’re whispering in her ear, because you actually MEAN every word of what you’re telling her you want to do to her.

This absolutely trumps the plain, flat, boring, platonic, dry “That looks good on you” or “You look nice tonight” she gets from other guys that have no physical interest in her whatsoever. *yawn* Make sure you add a little desperation to spice up your “flirt game” FTW.

Goal Achievement

Some people utilize “Temporary Celibacy” to help them focus on what they’re trying to get done. If you’re in school, it’s easier to study when you’re not interrupted every couple of minutes by thoughts and images from last night as well as mental projections of what you want to happen the next time you’re with them. If you’re working on that startup, utilize the old “dog trick” to keep her from clamoring for affection all the time and jacking up your mental flow.

For the ladies, the obvious win is that you don’t have to rearrange your life around your new man. You’re also perpetually available for “girls’ night out” with your homies.

Efficient Decisionmaking

It’s not so easy to dump a girl on Wednesday when you were planning on having sex with her on Thursday. Celibacy allows you to judge her by the content of her character and excommunicate her on rational and well thought-out grounds.

You want to go to that party, but you don’t want your girl to see the pictures? No problem. Hit the party and have a good time. Since you’re not tappin’ that, “sex embargo” isn’t available to her as retribution, so all she can do is pout and go spend quality time with the dog while you work on your startup.

Saving Money

Since you’re not tappin’ that, you don’t have to take her out. CHA-CHING!!! $$$ Imagine the savings when you can buy one Big Mac Meal instead of two. Half price on your bar tabs!

Valentine’s day is like an automatic tax refund, compared to the guys that have to get haircuts, get new clothes, select an expensive restaurant, buy flowers, pay the Mariachi to sing at the table, pay for cabs in both directions…

Let’s not forget about the money you save in alcoholic beverages when she tells you she’s pregnant and you’re POSITIVE that it isn’t yours.

Crazy Honeymoon Sex

Well.. If you make it all the way to the night after your wedding before having sex, prepare for that to be the BEST night of your entire life!!!!!… or the worst.

Sure, it’ll be a new sensation for you, however you won’t have the first clue of what you’re supposed to do. I think the best idea is to agree ahead of time that y’all are probably both going to be WACK at sex, and agree that if this time completely sucks, you’ll discuss the problem areas and try to do better next time. Shake on it, then get down to business.

The obvious upside to this is that if she’s a virgin also then she’ll have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE that you don’t know what you’re doing, so just keep looking confident, like “aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh… You liked that, right? ;) ” and she’ll swear you’re putting in work.

Don’t go berserk, now. Remember, “you break it, you bought it”. However, I guess you already bought it by Honeymoon Night, so ENJOY!!! :D

~Bill

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