Bill Cammack

Last week, I let the fellaz know how to get over an ex-girlfriend. This week, I have tips for the ladies for what to do when that relationship ends….

1) Consume mass quantities of Häagen-Dazs ice cream

Häagen-Dazs ice cream is the de facto substitute for sex for women. Everybody knows this. If you haven’t tried it yet, stop reading this post and go get some right now. I’m not sure that there’s one flavor in particular that works across the board, but find the right one, and it’ll tickle your ivories for sure. Similar to dogs for men, Häagen-Dazs is woman’s best friend. Eat enough of it, and you’ll wonder why you cared that your man left you in the first place.

2) Commiserate with your female friends

Make sure you tell your girlfriends that you and your man broke up. All of a sudden, they’ll have all these reasons why he was no good for you in the first place, and you’re better off without him. This will make you feel very good… that is… until you realize that they knew all this stuff BEFORE and should have told you about it so you could have dumped HIM before he dumped YOU.

Make sure you reserve some extra nastiness for the chicks that tell you how your ex has been hitting on them the whole time. As your homegirl, it was their obligation to tell you that your man was trying to get some from them. Also, make sure you add a level to whatever they tell you. That’s how it works with women. If they admit to kissing your man, that means they blew him. If they admit to blowing him, that means they had sex with him, etc.

3) Go to a male strip club

Going to a male strip club will remind you that your man was flabby and out of shape to begin with, so to hell with him. :D Just make sure not to overdo it. Avoid actual physical interaction with the strippers AT.ALL.COSTS! Mark my words, you will end up either on an internet site that specializes in that kind of thing, or even worse, on your local public access television station doing what you did, for all to see.

4) Post about him on the internet

Mosey on over to DontDateHimGirl or HollaBackNYC (or wherever you live, they have a bunch of HollaBack sites) and drag his name through the mud. Nobody actually reads those sites, but you’ll feel a lot better, because it allows you to commiserate with women around the world instead of just the ones you get to bitch and moan to while waiting to get into spin class.

5) Get back in shape

Most likely, the reason he broke up with you (or engineered your breaking up with HIM) is that he lost interest in having sex with you. Getting back in shape will not only make him KICK HIMSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY… but he’ll be insanely jealous of the next man that gets to tap that. He’ll also probably start making moves to get you back, so you get the enjoyment of rejecting him on a daily basis! :D

In the words of my friend, Patricia…

~Bill

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When a woman leaves you, you may feel heartbroken, depressed, wistful, horny, betrayed, disappointed… :( any number of feelings, consecutively or simultaneously. Here are five tips on how to move on with your life, and learn to love again………

1) Have sex with her sister

hahahahaha Just Kidding! :D

… unless her sister’s HAWT! Read the rest of this entry »

People are all CRYING about the $150,000 (read: One Hundred and Fifty THOUSAND Dollars) that was reportedly spent by the Republican National Committee to update Sarah Palin’s wardrobe.

Well, it’s clear to The Kid that McCain knows what’s up and that he MUST be subscribed to DatingGenius! :D Read the rest of this entry »

A lot of guys are paranoid that they’re going to lose their women or that they’re going to cheat on them with the next man. Those days are over. There’s a new sheriff in town… A new menace, threatening the raps and relationships of guys across the country and throughout the entire world. This menace needs to be recognized and STOPPED IN ITS TRACKS before it’s able to take down all of human civilization….

Fellaz!!! Gather together in UNITY, against our COMMON ENEMY!!!

TECH!!! :(

Morpheus: We don’t know who struck first. Us or them. But we do know it was us that scorched the sky. At the time, they were dependent on solar power. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun……

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony…..

Now, I know you’re probably laughing and you think The Kid’s trippin’, but hold on to your hats. I have evidence! :D

I didn’t think anything of it at the time… but NINE MONTHS AGO, back in January, 2008, I was at a TweetUp and tried to take this picture:

Now… Joyce, Julia, Jesse and myself are all looking right at the camera. That would appear to indicate that the photographer had called everyone’s attention to the fact that a picture was about to be taken… But Wait A Minute!!!… Where’s LAURA looking? That’s right… at TECH. Now, in case you thought she wasn’t AWARE that a picture was being taken, look how she has that “I’m about to be in a picture” smile on her face… YET she CAIN’T tear herself away from TECH to fully engage the photographer with everyone else. :/

Like I said, I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It was just a funny aspect of one of my myriad Flickr pictures.

So fast forward six months to June, 2008. I go to a NNN / Tumblr Rock Band party, and I’m trying to talk to Michelle:

BOOM! Look at that! TECH rears its ugly head again! See the disparity? A brotha’z gettin’ his DRINK on, and a sistah’z gettin’ her TECH on! You see where this is going? This is a serious problem, guys. :(

So a couple of weeks later, still in June 2008, (even though Mike jacked up the shot, and you can’t see the TECH), I’m trying to get Lux’s attention, but nooooooooo… TECH wins AGAIN! :(

So the last straw, and where I realized this post needed to be written, was three months after that, in September, 2008. I attended TechSet, and Bryan wanted to take a picture of Chrissie & The Kid:

Photo by Bryan Thatcher

Notice how I’m already posing, the shot is already framed and the flash is mounted on the camera and working properly. Meanwhile, Chrissie’s FULL ATTENTION is on TECH, except for the motor skills she’s siphoned off to tell me something that was probably “Right after I finish Twittering…” :/

Now, to all of my friends’ credit, I have great, non-Tech-cockblocked pictures with Michelle, Lux, Laura AND Chrissie, hahaha :D Still… The problem has been REVEALED and must be ADDRESSED!

If your girl seems distant, do NOT blame the next man… blame TECH! :(
If your girl is late to meet you somewhere, BLAME TECH!
If your girl doesn’t show up AT ALL, it’s probably because TECH changed the location in her calendar application.
If your girl doesn’t answer her phone, it’s probably because TECH is redirecting *YOUR* calls to her voicemail.
Every time your girlfriend “dialed you with her ass”, that was TECH calling you up to inform you how good a time she was having WITHOUT. YOU!

Get the picture? Guys, we have GOT to band together, before it’s too late!!!

If you STILL don’t believe me… Did you notice that the next big thing is called… ANDROID?

Check these guys out! hahaha “Hi ………… Wel Come To Moun Tain View California…… I Am Spea King Here At Goo Gle’s Headquarters” hahaha

I guarantee you the android phones will steal their women, ASAP. Watch! :D

Go ahead and keep sleeping, dudes, but when it happens TO YOU… Just remember that The Kid warned you to keep your girl FAR. AWAY. FROM. TECH!

If she wants to go to Cancun with her girlfriends, no problem. If she wants to get a new Tech Gadget, *VETO* that ish WITH THA QUICKNEZZ!!! :D

~Bill

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hahahaha No, No, No, “A Woman’s Place” is NOT in the kitchen, and certainly GOD FORBID, PREGNANT! :D

“A Woman’s Place” is wherever she wants it to be. :) ….. Unfortunately, women need to be REALISTIC about the responsibilities they’re taking on if they choose to be the leader of the pack, or at least the relationship. In this age of shows like “Oprah” and (I hate to even mention) “Dr. Phil”, women’s heads are getting gassed up to the point that they actually believe their own hype and set themselves up for a sobering confrontation with reality.

I’m thinking about this because the other day, I was out with some friends, and I was trying to explain something, which ended up with me giving several examples of situations where it was extremely important that the woman listen to her man. My friend’s response was “ok… So you’re saying a woman needs to know her place”. I realized that I wasn’t explaining my position to her properly, so I started over and explained it in more general terms.

In any situation, whether it’s relationships or business, the STRONGEST person needs to be the leader. Period. Not necessarily PHYSICALLY stronger… Mentally stronger. Stronger in that particular field. Better rolodex. More influence. Faster at the same process. More gregarious. Whatever it is, it’s RETARDED to have “stronger” people following the lead of “weaker” people, in any case.

If you have a star quarterback, you don’t bench him for the third-string QB. You COULD… if you really wanted to, but since your goal is to WIN THE GAME, you want the best players front and center.

This is the point I was really trying to make… Not that the female should always follow the male, but that the “weaker” should always follow the “stronger” or the inferior should follow the superior. Privates don’t tell Generals what to do in the Army.

So the real question is, which one of you is “stronger” in the relationship? What about particular aspects of the relationship? If the guy makes more money and the gal is better at saving and investing it… everybody play your position and things will work out for the best. OTOH, if you INSIST on saying what happens with the money, because YOU brought it into the house, you’re an IDIOT if you know she can do it better than you.

Of course, all these things depend on being able to see reality and not falling prey to the illusions that you’re building your self-esteem on. If you believe that because you’re the guy, you’re automatically smarter and stronger and better, you might not be able to appreciate that your girl trumps you in certain areas, and you won’t have the most efficient relationship, because you’ll stifle her creativity when she comes up with ideas that you think are stupid, just becase YOU can’t comprehend what she’s saying. For women, I find in a lot of cases, they believe they can PHYSICALLY do things just because they can see themselves doing it in their mind’s eye. That’s REALLY, REALLY DANGEROUS for them, especially when coupled with the illusion that a man’s never going to hit a woman, so she can run off at the mouth and break bad all she wants without consequences and repercussions.

This is what led to a woman getting shot to death for saying “What are you going to do? Shoot us?” to some criminal that had already hit her boyfriend in the head with a gun.

I’ve seen this mentality lots of times, personally. I was talking to a female friend of mine who was dating this guy I knew. She was telling me about some aspect of their relationship she didn’t like, and then started telling me how she’d punch him in his face or smack him or beat him up or whatever ABSOLUTE NONSENSE she was spewing. Now, I know that when he was around her, he liked to play that “Romeo” role and be all nice and sweet, hahaha but I ALSO happened to know that he had had fights against SEVERAL. MEN. SIMULTANEOUSLY. Now, that’s not something that you mention to a chick you’re trying to have sex with (unless she’s into that Braveheart / Gladiator stuff), so she was probably oblivious to the fact that laying hands on him would have been EXTREMELY DANGEROUS for her and the only reason she wouldn’t get her ass KICKED is if HE *CHOSE* not to kick it.

These delusions are easily handled within a relationship, because if you know damned well she’s just running her mouth and isn’t actually going to hit you, it’s no big deal… you just ignore her, like usual. However, you can’t afford for her to start breaking bad to other dudes, thereby initiating unnecessary beefs that SHE isn’t going to be called upon to handle.

This is what brings us back to “A Woman’s Place”…

“A Woman’s Place” is wherever she wants it to be. If she’s the type of person to start problems, let her be the type of person to HANDLE those same problems. How many times have you seen women cause fights between men? Uh-Huh. Nope! :D Next time she jumps up in some dude’s face, let her throw the hands with him. You sit back with the popcorn and make sure nobody else jumps in if she gets the upper hand and starts mopping the floor with him.

Yes. I know. This is ENTIRELY unrealistic, because you will be immediately DUMPED right after the fight, hahaha. This is why guys go for this bullshit, because they’d rather be beaten up and get blown later than NOT get beaten up and NOT have a girl at the end of the day. :/

This is why the solution is not to TELL women what their place is, but to make sure you’re dating women who have a REALISTIC UNDERSTANDING of what their place is… and yours too…

Because if your girl can kick your ass, then you MIGHT wanna consider brushing up on your cooking lessons so you can make sure you have that DINNER on the table when she gets home from work! :D

DatingGenius
 

Besides smileys in text messages, bright colors, shiny objects and shoes (not necessarily in that order), women LOVE titles. :D If they mess with a guy long enough, they’re going to want to define their relationship with some kind of word, such as “girlfriend” or “fiancee” or “wife”, etc.

As ‘bad’ as it is for her when her guy won’t tell HER they’re together, it gets even worse in public. When they meet people, he either doesn’t introduce her at all or just says her first name, like any other common friend. The question’s always “Why won’t he tell anyone that we’re dating? :( “. So, ladies… Here are a few potential reasons why your guy won’t claim you as his girlfriend…..

1) Because you’re NOT

Let’s start from the start. :) The way the game works is the guy tries to get laid and you tell him what he’s going to have to trade you for the sex. In some cases, that’s a relationship. A guy has two choices… nod, and go along with whatever you said and get some… or refuse to say he’s working towards a relationship with you and get nothing. Odds are that he’s going to say some variation of “we’re dating” in order to get you to lay down and do the right thing. What this MEANS, however… is

nothing.

Nothing at all. He might be “dating” six of y’all and none of y’all know about the others. So what happens is, while you’re waiting for him to give you a title, he’s having his cake and eating it too. This is why he looks all surprised and caught off guard when you say “Where are we going?” or “What are we to each other?”. He’s scrambling to think of something to say other than “You’re one of the chicks I enjoy having sex with”.

2) He already HAS a wife or girlfriend

This SEEMS to be the same as #1, but it’s worse. :) If you’re one of several chicks that he’s “seeing” ;) , you still have a percentage chance of being the cream that rises to the top. If he already has a woman in the top slot that he never told you about, you can forget about picket fences and two-car garages. If you think this might describe YOUR relationship, go read “Ladies: How To Tell He Has A Girlfriend”.

3) Because he doesn’t have to

How do they say… “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”… or was that “Why buy the chicken when you can get the eggs for free?”… Anyway… You get the picture. :) If he’s already tapping that, you have ZERO leverage to barter for a promotion. If you can figure out how HE’S going to benefit by calling you his girlfriend, then go for it! :D

Of course, you could always call a sex boycott or embargo, except that’s when you might find out he has more chicks than you “in the pocket”.

4) He doesn’t want to scare off other chicks

Some women have an inability to stick to the facts. When you see a chick you like and ask them “Who’s that?”, they respond “Oh… She has a boyfriend”. Then they stand there as if they adequately responded to your query while you’re thinking “YOU #&(@&%*$ IDIOT! I DIDN’T *ASK* YOU THAT! :( “.

This situation affects guys in exactly the same way. If a guy’s homegirl has a friend who likes him and she asks about the guy, the response she’ll receive is “Oh… He has a girlfriend”, and his game goes down the drain.

In order to avoid this and maximize one’s options… It’s best not to claim any chicks at all so people can MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and stick to the facts when a chick’s tryinna meet a brotha. :D

5) He’s embarrassed about how you look

Oftentimes… A guy’s standards for a gal he’ll have sex with are LOWER than his standards for a gal he’ll be SEEN with. The fact that he’ll tap that doesn’t mean he’ll go anywhere with you in public… God Forbid being immortalized in pictures with you, EVAR. Even if he’s willing to go out in public with you, it doesn’t mean he’s willing to admit to the depth of your relationship.

Guys are competitive. We all want to be fly and have sex with the hottest chicks. Unfortunately, :D reality doesn’t always match up to fantasy, and a brothaz gotsta DOOOO what a brothaz gotsta DOO! :D Nobody wants to be labeled a “Chubby Chaser” or whatever they call guys that like “Butch” females or whatever other fetishes are going on these days. So while he might very well enjoy hooking up with you behind closed doors, he’s not too likely to admit it to the fellaz and ESPECIALLY not likely to claim you as his exclusive girl.

6) Because his boy already tapped that

For some reason that I’ll most likely NEVER understand, :) women just about universally refuse to believe that guys they have sex with don’t tell their close male friends.

Basically, ladies… You can assume a 16-hour window of privacy… assuming the guy fell asleep for a full 8 hours after he tapped that. The best you can hope for is “Yeah. I hit it”. The worst case… well the WORST case is videotape… but the worst case, normally, is a detailed description of WHERE he hit it (indoors, outdoors, on what furniture/appliance…), WHAT position you were in and HOW MUCH you enjoyed each position.

This being the case… if you insist on dating guys that know each other, they come to the table (dryer, washing machine…) knowing what they can get from you and how much they need to do to get it.

Another unfortunate residual from guys’ competitive nature is that in the case of a chick that several guys have messed with, YOU don’t want to be the one that gets sprung on “Community Property”. Some guys grow out of this and some guys are just glad to be with ANY chick that will give them some at the drop of a hat, so exceptions are made and guys endure the ridicule, funny looks and snide remarks.

For the most part, though… And I’ll NEVER understand this one either… Most guys like to feel that they got their girl “fresh out the box”. It’s part of the competition thing. They like to feel special as if they were the only ones their girl gave it up to. So, for this reason, if you’re currently dating a friend of a guy who already tapped that, and God Forbid… SEVERAL guys that already tapped that, you might have to forget about being claimed as an actual girlfriend and choose a more likely achievement, such as winning the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DatingGenius

According to Webster’s, these are the definitions for id, ego and superego:

Id: the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that is completely unconscious and is the source of psychic energy derived from instinctual needs and drives

ego: the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality

superego: the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that is only partly conscious, represents internalization of parental conscience and the rules of society, and functions to reward and punish through a system of moral attitudes, conscience, and a sense of guilt

Now… I just had an interesting conversation the other night about these concepts based on my post “Alcohol Is No Excuse”. Basically, what I said in that post, without getting into the underlying psychology is that as long as you don’t completely incapacitate yourself with alcohol, you’re doing what you WANT to do when you’re drunk, and not some crazy, off-the-wall ish that “came out of nowhere”. Therefore, Alcohol is NOT an excuse for cheating or abusive behavior or whatever.

So I’m chatting with this friend of mine, and she asks me about Freud. I’m like “What about him?”, and she brings up id, ego and superego. I don’t remember verbatim what she said, but it revolved around which of the three is actually “You”. I hadn’t thought about it before, because, to me, it’s obvious that the id is “You”… However, I realize that my whole post about alcohol was based on that particular belief of mine and that it’s worth discussing the three divisions.

According to the definition above, the id is your natural instinct… it’s what you would do without any parameters or external interference. The superego holds the rules for what you’re SUPPOSED to do in a given situation. The ego is where “You” decide what you’re going to do, taking into account the influences of the id and the superego. My impression of drinking, based on these three, is that there’s the potential for the superego to become disabled or disappear entirely, leaving the ego with only the stimulus from the id when it comes to deciding what to do.

This is why people wake up the next day talkin’ ’bout “Why didn’t you stop me?” and “I’m not that type of person” and “I don’t hook up with people I just met” and “I only screw attractive chicks” and “That’s not your twin brother’s baby… it’s yours”. They’ve tried so hard to NOT be who they really are that they don’t recognize their own behavior when the rules disappear from their minds.

So… Depending on how you see this, by alcohol removing the superego’s influence, it’s either removing what you think is “You”, leaving you ‘prey’ to your own natural instincts… or it’s ENABLING you to be “You” by removing what you’ve been taught that’s suppressing your natural way of being. Well… Sorry… You are NOT the rules your parents taught you. You are NOT what you learned in school. You are NOT the contents of your wallet. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

How do I know this? Because whomever you really are, you will be taught different things depending on what society you’re born into or come into contact with. “Morals” are different in different places. That has nothing to do with who YOU are and what turns YOU on and what doesn’t. The superego is set up for you to not make yourself a pariah or worse by disrespecting society’s standards. If your society says every guy should have ONE girlfriend and you have SEVERAL, you’re out of bounds. The superego reminds you to play it off as if you’re only messing with one chick. Are you really doing that? No. You’re maintaining your staus in society (as well as assuring a decent probability of physical safety/survival) by going along with what people EXPECT you to do and what people TOLD you to do.

How come these rules go out the window for some people when they drink? How come people don’t adhere MORE TIGHTLY to the rules that they “live by” when they’re sober? How come it’s not the id that ‘goes’, instead of the superego? How come people do more ‘dirt’ when they’re drunk than when they’re sober? How come the people that do ‘dirt’ when they’re sober don’t become pious individuals when they get drunk? :D It’s because the entire thing is a front, and you are who you are, regardless of the rules you’re TRYING to follow.

So the next time somebody gets drunk and does something and replies “that wasn’t me”, ask them who it was. :D Ask them where they got the idea to do what they did. Did they get it from television? Did they get drunk and then see something in a movie and want to see if they could do it in real life? :D Where did this impulse come from for your boyfriend to screw your sister or stay out all night without calling you? How come your girl was spotted at the club getting her freak on with the next man? Please… Feel FREE to ask people that tell you that alcohol was an excuse for what they did to tell you WHERE they got the idea and post it here, or on your own blog or whatever, because either they don’t want to admit or they don’t UNDERSTAND that it was actually THEIR idea from the beginning.

Also… How is it that there’s a common thread to what happens? How come people don’t get drunk and buy your mother flowers? :D Get drunk and paint your car? Get drunk and fund your startup?… ok, bad example. I’m sure that happens all the time, but you see what I’m saying. How come it’s always stuff that people try to excuse away? That’s because they did What. They. Wanted. To. Do, and what they would have done in the first place if they weren’t carrying their brainwashing around with them in their superegos.

You know what else is common amongst humans?

Smiling.

Did you notice that? Regardless of what language people speak, they tend to SMILE when they’re happy and FROWN when they’re upset. Do you know why that is? Did they ALL get the memo? Did people around the world DECIDE that they were going to teach babies to smile and laugh when they’re happy? I know *I* didn’t get that memo. Do you think it’s the superego that’s smiling? Is it morally right in lots of countries with DIFFERING moral codes to smile or laugh when you feel happy? Is it the ego that’s smiling? Do you CHOOSE to smile, because you won’t become a pariah or get attacked by society if you do so? Is it a natural reaction of the id? Is it purely physical?

So, yeah. I say the id is “You”, the superego is the set of rules that keeps you safe in the society you happen to be in and the ego handles the conscious decision-making between what you WANT to do and what you’re actually GOING to do.

Now, in some cases, the choice is the same. Some guys open doors for the ladies whether they’re drunk or sober. Some people are loud and obnoxious drunk or sober. Some people are FREAKS drunk or sober. Some people are piously religious drunk or sober. Also, like I said in the other post, people can definitely incapacitate themselves with alcohol, which is a totally different issue from drinking to the point where your superego takes a vacation. If you can’t drink, DON’T DRINK. Period. If you’re friends with someone that can’t handle their liquor, TELL THEM SO and do what you can to make them see the light. Videotape them if you have to, so you can show these “I’m not that type of person” people the type of people that they really are.

So if you’ve read this far, I’m impressed. :) I’d love to hear/read what you think as far as where “You” reside in your psyche, and whether you think alcohol disables the “You” or enables the “You”. Meanwhile, You can go vote for me on the Silicon Alley 100 or catch up with me at the bar! :D

DatingGenius

I woke up @ 5 am this morning and I really intended to write about a conversation I had with a new friend I made last night. She questioned WHY I get to write the Women’s Guide to NYC Dating and she tried to low-rate me when I replied “No” to her question “Are you in a relationship?”. I realize this morning, that I should actually have said “Yes. Several”, and that will be my response, going forward. I have LOTS of girlfriends, but since I don’t pride myself on choosing ONE, because I don’t HAVE TO, I don’t fall under the traditional category of “being in a relationship”.

I’m a renter, not a buyer. I’m not interested in hanging out with the same chick every day or doing the same thing every day. Everything I do is on the fly. I meet chicks every time I go outside. It’s a daily operation. I’m polyamorous. I’m not in love with ONE chick. I’m in love with several. Simultaneously. I’m extremely blessed that I get to spend so much time with so many women whose company I REALLY enjoy! :D

However, I’m currently disinterested in qualifying why I know what I know about women. I’d rather talk about a conversation that I had ABOUT that conversation that I just mentioned. To paraphrase, I was asked “How come you’re so hard on chicks?”.

I’m hard on chicks because chicks need to be harder on THEMSELVES. WAKE. UP! I don’t write this stuff for no reason. I write it becase EVERY. SINGLE. DAY I have the SAME conversations with women over and over and over and they just don’t get it. They take the same shorts every day. They get cheated on the same ways every day. They don’t understand why guys catcall or that alcohol isn’t an excuse for cheating or abusive behavior. They keep letting guys do pull-out method on them, thinking they’re not going to get pregnant. They keep wondering how to tell if a guy has a girlfriend or not. They keep acting like they’re hot properties in a town where there are reportedly 210,820 more single women than men!

I’m sorry. :D SOMEBODY’S got to be the voice of reason. You don’t think that’s me? Write YOUR OWN blog and let’s hear YOUR take on the dating/relationships scene. You don’t think I’m qualified to write the women’s guide to whatever? YOU write it and send me the link. I’ll read it! :D

Every close girlfriend of mine knows that if she tells me some BULLSHIT I’m gonna jump up and down on her logic to see if it stands up. They also know that I do it because I CARE and I want them to be better human beings. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t waste my time trying to help them see reality.

The fact of the matter is… The only way out.. is through. If you can’t see the possibilities, you can’t fully understand the playing field. It’s like trying to defend against a wide receiver and he jukes right, breaks left, puts his hand up in the air and physically DISAPPEARS! How are you supposed to defend against that? The problem is that he didn’t disappear. He stepped into a blind spot in YOUR understanding. The quarterback could still see him clearly, threw him the ball and he scored. So then, you sit around with your girls who have the exact same blind spots and commiserate about what happened to your relationship. None of them can tell you what happened, because they don’t understand the game.

Unfortunately, when you try to EXPLAIN the game, a lot of women get upset! hahaha That’s fine by me as long as they learn something and expand their minds. They don’t have to like ME, because I’m not going to date them anyway! :D As long as they learn something that helps them deal better the next time something happens that they don’t understand, I’ve done my part for females around the world.

IMO, it doesn’t help women to patronize them and tell them to cut all their hair off or buy a new dress and try again in the morning. It doesn’t help women to tell them “Don’t bother working out and getting in shape! We’re going to sell maternity dresses to ALL OF Y’ALL so you don’t have to worry about Muffin-Tops”. What if guys started doing that? What if guys started wearing pants where their beltline was right under their chests? Women would SCREAM. BLOODY. MURDER because everybody’d be walking around looking like Pee Wee Herman. So, Yeah… The Kid’s gonna suggest that you put down the maternity dresses and start buying clothes that fit YOUR physique and look good on YOU, not on the mannequin. If you don’t want your man to dress you, learn how to dress yourself instead of falling off the cliff with the rest of the lemmings and doing what you’re told.

So feel free to get mad at me and scoff at me and turn your noses up and claim I don’t know what I’m talking about. The only reason I even bother TALKING to you is because I love you.

*MUAHZ*

DatingGenius: Channeling What Women Want! :D
(Tag line credit goes FULLY to B. Wilson!)

David Duchovny made the news recently for entering a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. This made me wonder how it’s determined that someone’s a sex addict.

Nowadays, the scheme is to make everything a disease so they can sell you the medication to fix yourself. You’re not MAD AS HELL… you have anger management issues. You’re not BORED AS HELL, you have attention deficit disorder. You’re not OBESE, you have weight management issues. You’re not SHORT THAN A MUG, you’re vertically challenged. You’re not a BUM, you’re homeless. You didn’t DIE, you passed on…..

Anyway…

So I decided to research exactly what it’s supposed to mean when they say someone’s sexually addicted or addicted to sex. Interestingly, I came across a great article that my friend Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote in November, 2007 for The Huffington Post, entitled “Am I A Sex Addict? Are You?”, which is really technical and virtually saturated with links on the topic, so if you’re interested in more background on this topic, go read Rachel’s post. :)

Bill & Rachel

Now… It took me a long-ass-time to research this stuff, because like I said earlier, the scheme nowadays is to take some normal-ass behavior and claim that it’s a problem so they can get your money to ‘fix’ you. Here are opening paragraphs to some of the sites I visited: Read the rest of this entry »

Let’s talk about failure.

I think there are two kinds of failures. There’s the kind where you could have done something about it and didn’t, and then there’s the kind where there was never anything you could have done about it at all.

It would seem like the failure involving a chance that you could have dealt with it would be the worse one. I think the other one is actually worse, because not only is it disappointing or depressing, but it comes with the knowledge that you have a limitation. At least with the first one, you could play it off to yourself that had you done something, the outcome would have been different. That sucks WAY LESS than admitting that no matter what you have in your arsenal or bag of tricks, you couldn’t have done JACK to stop the train from a-rollin’.

I’m thinking about this now, because I got a call earlier this evening from someone close to me who had/has a problem. As I was listening, my mind was calculating what I could do about it. How I could help. How I could be of assistance. As I kept drawing blanks, the odds started to stack up in the favor that I was NEVER going to figure out something I could do/say to help.

Once that understanding hit me, I started to project the future of my being of no assistance whatsoever. I knew that I was receiving….. I *HOPED* that I was receiving the call just so the person could vent. I didn’t LIKE the idea of the conversation ending without my having some sort of positive and changing effect. I didn’t like the idea of a potential negative outcome of the situation, regardless of what went on in this conversation I was having. Yes. I know that “being me” was of assistance. I know that “listening” was of assistance. I know that my past track record of my way of being was of assistance. I’m just not built to have ZERO EFFECT. I haven’t been groomed and trained and educated to be some hump on the subway that doesn’t have a life now, never did and never will. Ultimately, it’s not even the potential for failure that sparked this post. It’s more about how failures shed light on one’s personal limitations…. or perhaps how recognition of limitations sheds light on one’s self-image.

I used to edit a show for The History Channel called “Guts & Bolts”. One of my episodes was about aircraft carriers and how their catapult systems worked. The supervisor being interviewed mentioned that the catapults had to have a high 99% success rate, ESSENTIALLY that the failure rate rounded off to ZERO PERCENT. I thought that that was unreasonable for anything mechanical, but then he went on to mention how what they’re sending on every single launch is a plane that’s worth MILLIONS of dollars. If their success rate is closer to 99% than 100%, that means that out of every 100 launches, one of those million-dollar planes goes right in the water instead of flying away to handle the business. When you think about it that way, they literally can’t AFFORD to fail.

Can YOU afford to fail?

What happens if you fail? Do you really lose anything, or do you just take a hit to your self-esteem and self-image? Does you company fold? Does your family dissolve? Do you lose face amongst colleagues? Does your girl leave you? What exactly happens if the worst-case scenario you’ve been envisioning actually comes true?

I started out talking about failure in a conversation, but there was actually no way I could fail *myself*, because *I* wasn’t a central figure in the situation. I would have been failing the person who called me, but what did they expect from me to begin with? What did I expect from myself? I wouldn’t actually have been failing them eiher. I would have been failing myself, in my own consideration of how I would respond or deal with a situation if it was ever presented to me. I would have liked to believe I would have had the right thing to say. I would have liked to believe that I could turn whatever was a negative into a positive….

The fact of the matter is, there.are.some.things.I.can’t.do, and I need to get used to that and get over it. However, “getting over it” is a failure within itself, because I’m insulating myself against other people’s problems instead of learning how to help them out. I actually don’t even have to “get over it”, because this entire post is all about BEING over it… naturally. Unfortunately, Being Over It is a selfish insulation against other people’s issues, but I’m built that way, and that’s that. The LIMITATION, in this instance, is my own personal inability to suspend the restrictive state of “being over it” in order to be potentially more effective in the rare cases that something like this is brought to my attention. I’d like to be able to believe that I can dive deep inside their issue, figure out a positive outcome and present it to them, but it’s just not the truth.

This also happens in business. You want to help everyone, but you just.plain.CAN’T. There isn’t enough time in the day. You want to look at people’s websites that they send you links to and ask you to critique them. You want to consider people’s video project proposals, even though their budges completely SUCK and it’s not really even worth it to you to spend time and mental processing cycles considering what they’re telling you, because everything you’re thinking of doing for them costs more than they’re willing to spend on it.

Where do you draw the line? What does it mean to you when you draw that line? How does it feel to you as a person when you accept that project that you really hate, as a favor to someone else? How does it feel when you put someone’s business interests ahead of your own business, fun and personal interests? How much pressure do you put on yourself to avoid failure at all costs? How important IS IT to your business or to your self-esteem that you’re approaching 100% effectiveness/success rate?

Personally, I pride myself on being the best at everything and anything that I do. Even if I don’t succeed in that goal, that’s what I’m striving for and aiming at. Tonight, I wasn’t “the best” in this conversation, because I couldn’t find a win. I couldn’t find the thing to say to make it better. I couldn’t ROCK the situation. I won’t go to sleep tonight knowing that I made an incredible difference and everything’s going to be better tomorrow for them than it was tonight.

I suppose the moral of the story is that “I can’t do that” is a valid and healthy response to something that someone asks you for. Similarly, “I can’t help you” is valid as well. You might not like it, recognizing your own limitations, but ultimately, you’re better off. There’s no need to waste time, energy and resources on things that aren’t properly beneficial to you. It’s similarly fruitless to try to help people with things you can’t help them with.

I haven’t thought about this in a really long time. The first time it came to my attention was when a friend of mine criticized my response to a mutual friend telling me she got dumped after disclosing to her then-current boyfriend how many guys she had hooked up with before him. SHE was thinking that it was a necessary thing to say, in order to get things out in the open and have a completely honest relationship with him. He dumped her practically immediately. While I felt sorry for her that she was out of a relationship and would need to hit the bricks and cultivate a new one from scratch, my mentality and demeanor was “What did you expect?”. Even though what I was saying was sympathetic… like… the words themselves… my demeanor was completely nonchalant and matter-of-fact. I was stuck between the facts of the situation and wanting to make her feel better.

I guess the bottom line is that a person can listen to and understand another person’s situation and care about them and hope and pray for the best for them without actually empathizing with or being able to internalize or the situation and come up with fantastic solutions. There’s value in listening. There’s value in fellowship. Sometimes, however, the way the cards are dealt or the way the chips fall or the way the cookie crumbles, there isn’t much for you to do in a given situation other than recognize your own limitations and teach yourself to live with them.

I have an intimate relationship with alcoholic beverages.

This is why I just completely DETEST when people try to use alcohol as an excuse as far as why they did something. It’s a copout. It’s bullshit. There are two main reasons for this.

First… if YOU drank the alcohol YOURSELF, and you knew what you were drinking, I don’t want to hear it. The only break you might get is if you’re just beginning drinking. A friend of mine in college drank alcohol for what may have been his first time, but was DEFINITELY a rare occasion for him, and he swore up and down that our other friend’s hair was WHITE… when I was looking right at it, and my friend’s hair was BLACK. :D As friends, it was our duty and responsibility to BAN THAT GUY FROM DRINKING EVER AGAIN! He did it as an experiment, just to try it out, but alcohol just didn’t agree with him and it was in everyone’s best interest, especially his own that he keep his mind right, so he was banned.

So.. Other than not understanding what the alcohol was going to do to you because you’re just starting, NOBODY has an excuse for what they did when it comes to alcohol, IMO. It’s YOUR responsibility to know whether you can handle it or not. It’s NOT your friend’s responsibility to “look out for you” after you’ve incapacitated yourself. It’s a good deed, and it’s nice of friends to do that, because friends have definitely done that for me, like when I’ve fallen asleep on the subway and was leaning all over people I didn’t know, or when they didn’t want me to ride my bike, or when I licked birthday cake off of some chick’s face at her party and her uncle thought he was gonna do something about it, but my friends didn’t HAVE TO look out for me in those situations. They CHOSE TO, even though I didn’t ask them to, and I appreciate that. Completely.

Still… Choosing to drink AT ALL makes it MY responsibility from the giddyap. That’s the first reason why alcohol is no excuse for ANYTHING. It’s something that YOU do to YOURSELF. You utilized your own free will and ingested the beverages, so now you can deal, or you can’t.

A friend of mine told me just the other day about a situation where she went out to a bar with some other chicks, one of them “got nice” on her own, met a guy she liked, hooked up with him, and then, the next day, she was all like “Why didn’t you stop me? :O”. First of all, she drank the alcohol herself. Second of all, she didn’t hire my friend to be her babysitter for the night. Third, she didn’t ask my friend ahead of time to stop her from spreading her legs. Since she didn’t ask my friend, there was no reason for my friend to assume that the chick WANTED to be stopped and wasn’t acting from her own free will and basic character. This brings us to the second reason why it’s bullshit to use alcohol as an excuse…

My friends started drinking in Elementary School. Their parents had the money and bought tons of liquor, my friends knew where it was and threw parties pretty much every weekend. I wasn’t in attendance, because that wasn’t my set back then, but I heard the stories about the parties when we all got back to school. I was just anti the whole “get high” concept until I got to college, so I wouldn’t have bothered with it anyway.

The reason I bring that up is that I received YEEEEARS of brainwashing about the effects of alcohol. The main point was that when people drink, they lose their fuckin’ minds. They just go absolutely berserk and aren’t in control of themselves. I had no choice but to buy into this, because I had never BEEN high (which some people use to denote drug use, but I use for any substance, including alcohol, glue sniffing, nail polish, huffing…) until I got to college. I guess my very first experience with alcohol would have bolstered the brainwashing, because I couldn’t play guitar AT.ALL. :D I remember wondering “How in the HELL does Keith Richards do it?” I also remember the feeling of my mind being altered, and also “coming down” for the first time. Once I got a handle on alcohol and really started THINKING and assessing my current state, I realized why people try to use alcohol as an excuse as well as why it’s completely invalid.

People like to use the phrase “Alcohol reduces inhibitions”, but they don’t really understand what they’re talking about. Here’s the definition, from Webster’s:

Main Entry: in·hi·bi·tion Listen to the pronunciation of inhibition
Pronunciation: \ˌin-hə-ˈbi-shən, ˌi-nə-\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century

1 a: the act of inhibiting : the state of being inhibited b: something that forbids, debars, or restricts
2: an inner impediment to free activity, expression, or functioning: as a: a mental process imposing restraint upon behavior or another mental process (as a desire) b: a restraining of the function of a bodily organ or an agent (as an enzyme)

So.. A reduction of inhibition, which EVERYONE AGREES that alcohol facilitates… means that when you get drunk, you lose [an inner impediment to free activity, expression or functioning]. You know what that means? That means that when you’re drunk, You.Do.What.You.WANT.To.Do.

Basically, you temporarily forget to act unnaturally. You lose the ability to remember what you told someone else you were going to do, as well as what you told YOURSELF you were going to do. All that’s left is what you WANT to do, which is why alcohol is no excuse AT ALL for what you did while you were drunk. None.

Of course, I haven’t hung out with everyone on the planet, but I don’t know ANYONE that I have EVER gotten drunk with that turned into somebody that they weren’t already, naturally, by consuming alcohol. There’s no Jekyll & Hyde. There’s only the person they consciously strive to present to you publicly, and the person they really are, if they were to release themselves from the bullshit restrictions they put on themselves in order to be accepted in society or get the right jobs or land the right girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife.

Now… What does this have to do with dating? :D

When you go to the bar and meet someone that’s already drunk, do yourself the favor of NOT ASSUMING he/she’s going to be the same person the next day or ever again when they’re sober. Don’t assume that that person’s going to remember you the next time they meet you coughsorryanniecough. Don’t assume that because y’all shared good times together that that’s going to make it to the drunk person’s long-term memory. Don’t assume that because they gave you their number when they were drunk, they want to receive a call from you when they’re sober.

More importantly, if the person you’re dating is a drinker, it’s IMPERATIVE to get drunk with them. If someone won’t drink with you, it could mean they don’t trust YOU enough to get drunk around you, but it could also mean that they don’t trust THEMSELVES to get drunk around you. Granted… There are some people that just.don’t.drink, and more power to them. I’m talking about the people that you KNOW drink and have TOLD YOU they drink and STILL won’t get drunk in front of you. People get really paranoid of showing their true colors.

Now, as we all know, people LOVE to use alcohol as an excuse for cheating. Hopefully, you understand now that that’s out the window. By misusing and misunderstanding the idea of “loss of inhibitions” as well as not holding people responsible for getting themselves drunk in the first place, that’s made alcohol a loophole. “I didn’t know what I was doing”. “I lost my mind”. “I can’t believe I did that”. “I’m not that type of person”. Sorry. Yes, you are. You ARE the type of person to get drunk and hook up with someone you’ve never seen before in life… because you just did it. Yes you are the type of person to get mad and start throwing things around the house or start kicking people’s asses. Yes you are the type of person to lick birthday cake off of chicks’ faces because you damned well felt like it, AND WHAT?

I still remember hearing the guy down the hall screaming about how his niece isn’t a whore, blah blah blah. Sorry dude. The only person that called your niece a whore was YOU! She was sweating The Kid and she was gonna give it up if she felt like giving it up, so mind your business and break north if you don’t want to watch her exercise her freedom of choice and mess with The Kid. PAYCE! :D

Anyway…

I’ve been so tired of this for SO LONG that I felt like writing about it. If you can’t handle your alcohol, don’t drink. Period. It’s your friends’ responsibility to tell you how you’re acting, but NOT to bail you out of situations you create for yourself. If you feel like if you drink and go out on the town, you’re gonna cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend, either DON’T DRINK or DON’T GO OUTSIDE or live with the fact that you have FREE WILL just like everyone else and are going to do WHAT you want to do WHEN you want to do it regardless of whom you told other people that you really are and especially regardless of whom you told YOURSELF that you are.

DatingGenius

Reader “Kenya” made the following comment on my post “How To Avoid Pregnancy”. I actually had this discussion IRL yesterday, and felt I should clarify what I was talking about in tip #2 and tip #5, but Kenya put it down in “black & white”, so I’ll respond directly to what she posted.

Also, I’d like to say off the bat… ANY technique for avoiding pregnancy that involves getting ANY liquid on a chick other than your saliva is COMPLETELY RETARDED! ThxKBai.

So Kenya said:

Number 2 is called the “rhythm method” and doesn’t work. Also, the menstrual cycle starts (Number 5) at the end of ovulation. So if the egg has not yet been expelled from the body through the menstrual cycle, the woman still has a chance of becoming pregnant.

The only thing here that has any chance of working is a combination of 3 and 4. Number 3 and 4 together because 4 alone doesn’t work and 3 alone won’t work with the wrong woman. If a woman wants to trap you, she will.

Thanks for your comments, as usual, Kenya. :)

I don’t know what you mean by “at the end of ovulation”, and I wouldn’t presume to tell you or ANY woman ANYTHING about menstrual cycles, hahaha :) but what I’m talking about is outlined in wikipedia.

Regardless of what starts the cycle, the beginning of her “period” or menstrual phase marks what we’ll refer to for the sake of this discussion as “day 1″. [see the chart]. Ovulation occurs approximately on day 14, according to the same chart. No matter how you stack it, they’re roughly opposing each other every single month, like government checks.

What I’m saying is that if you… Well, first of all, the whole idea is STUPID! :D If you don’t want to get a chick pregnant, either follow tip #1 and don’t hit it or use as many precautions as you can on your side AND hers to make the odds as slim as possible that an accident will occur. But what I didn’t clearly state, which Frank talks about in comment #13, and I’ll revise it right after I make this comment… Is I SHOULD have said “5) Hit it AT THE BEGINNING of her period”. Being that the FIRST DAY of her period is going to be nowhere near day 1 of her ovulation, you should be good.

The problem is that most guys aren’t aware of when their girl’s period starts because they’re not hitting it every day. If they were, they’d notice the distinct difference from going from zero blood to spotting.

The problem with not knowing when it started is that you don’t have an idea of when day 14 (or whenever she actually ovulates) is going to occur. This is how dudes get tripped up, because if her period lasts for seven days, they’re getting in with only a week to spare instead of two. Of course, this is actually the WORST time to get on, especially if she ovulates relatively early in her cycle.

I understand that since I didn’t properly go into depth on tip #5, you thought I was talking about The Rhythm Method. I’m not talking about calculating anything by counting backwards or assuming that a woman’s cycle is exactly 28 days. What I’m saying is… Assuming sperm can live for seven (7) days, if you hit it when she first spots, she’d have to ovulate around day 8, which is about 5 days away from the average of day 14. UNFORTUNATELY… :) According to PubMed Central, in an article entitled The timing of the “fertile window” in the menstrual cycle: day specific estimates from a prospective study:

“Early ovulation has sometimes been thought to signal a less fertile cycle. For example, some authorities state that a cycle is seldom fertile when ovulation occurs before day 13 of the menstrual cycle. We found no evidence of this. Indeed, the earliest ovulation in our study ( cycle day 8 ) produced a healthy infant.”

So, yeah… If your girl ovulates on day 8, that’s just your lousy luck! :D

Anyway… Like Kenya says… if you HAVE TO hit it at all, make sure you keep your CONDOM game tight and mess with chicks that aren’t tryinna have kids offa you in the first place! :D

Thanks again to Kenya (and my friends IRL that I discussed this same point with) for bringing this up.

DatingGenius