Side Chick Problems (#SideChickProblems)

What kind of dudes actually tell chicks they’re peripheral? o_O

So today on social media, somebody was complaining about being a perpetual side chick and I’m like “Are you sure there are any other job openings? o_O” Continue reading “Side Chick Problems (#SideChickProblems)”

Verily… A Conversation Betwixt Herbs

Let’s examine and discuss the Trump/Bush Tape.

Herbs

A Herb is a worthless dude, in the context of whatever you’re talking about.

A nobody. A non-player character (NPC) like the artificial intelligence people you see running around in video games that the game itself is controlling instead of a human. A totally inconsequential and ineffective male of the species.

So for example, if you’re pitching in a baseball game and the bases are loaded and the dude walking towards the plate to bat can’t hit worth a damn, you won’t be worried about it because he’s a Herb.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t well-paid, well-regarded in society, or successful in business.

It just means that in this context, attempting to hit against your pitching, he isn’t worth ****.

Similarly, dudes tell on themselves that THEY aren’t **** when it comes to bagging chicks.

I would have written “pulling chicks”, but Trump ****** that line up for ERRBODY with his “Grab ’em by the *****” statement, but we’ll discuss that later in the story. 😀 Continue reading “Verily… A Conversation Betwixt Herbs”

Less Than Zero

Are you going to allow other people to drag you down with them, or are you going to cut them loose to lose on their own?

The movie “Less Than Zero” is about three drug addicts.

All treea dem, Clay, Blair, and Julian graduated high school together.

Clay left for college while Blair & Julian stayed at home.

Before he left, Blair was Clay’s girlfriend. After he left, Blair was Julian’s girlfriend.

Clay (apparently) stopped using drugs altogether. Blair & Julian increased their cocaine consumption.

When Clay returns to town during the Christmas holiday break, he has two problems.

His best friend Julian is a junkie.

His girlfriend, who’s now screwing his best friend, wants Clay to help Julian.

Who Are You?

The reason I wanted to discuss this movie is because there are a lot of people who spend all of their time trying to get back *UP* to zero. Continue reading “Less Than Zero”

Women Without Makeup

A chick not wearing makeup can’t provoke anyone to do anything.

So HuffPo recently posted an article about Alicia Keys not wearing makeup to the VMAs (The MTV Video Music Awards), entitled “The Anger Provoked By Alicia Keys Not Wearing Makeup To The VMAs Is Sadly Not Surprising”.

The only reason I even clicked on this article was because of the words “Anger Provoked”.

First of all, Provoke (merriam-webster.com/dictionary/provoke) means to cause the occurrence of (a feeling or action) : to make (something) happen : to cause (a person or animal) to become angry, violent, etc.

So, for instance, if I punch you in your face, that means I’ve provoked you to feel hurt and/or to fall on the floor.

My action (smashing your grill) caused your reaction (feeling emotional or physical pain and/or losing the ability to continue to stand up).

A chick not wearing makeup can’t provoke anyone to do anything. Continue reading “Women Without Makeup”

Trumpesque Dating Techniques

How to apply techniques utilized in Presidential campaigns to increase the success of your dating career.

Now that I’ve become aware that you can’t be disqualified for attempting to become the President of the United States of America due to mental deficiency or illness, I think I’ll try some similar dating techniques that definitely shouldn’t work, but apparently approximately 50% of the women in this country might fall for them anyway.

Conversation Styles

Her: “Where were you born? :D”
Me: “In a crossfire hurricane…… And I howled at my Ma in the driving rain……… But it’s alright now. In fact it’s a gas. :D”
Her: “That’s so fascinating! :D” Continue reading “Trumpesque Dating Techniques”

Girls & Gimmicks

In a perfect world, women would feel like hooking up with you without your having to trick them into it.

Perfection

In a perfect world, women would feel like hooking up with you without your having to trick them into it.

If you don’t live in that world, gimmicks come in handy.

The trick is to not overdo it, and knowing when to STOP using gimmicks and start being yourself. Continue reading “Girls & Gimmicks”

Difficulty Levels

Before you accept dating advice from some dude, make sure you’re aware of what level of women he has experience with and is referring to.

Every time I see a picture of this gal I know, she’s someplace new.

Not just new, as in “I haven’t seen a picture of her in that place before”, but new as in “I’VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT CITY OR COUNTRY EVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE!” new.

It’s pretty annoying. 🙂 [yet, simultaneously fun and interesting]

I mean, I’ll click on her picture and it’ll say the location is West Mxyzptlkstan or some nonsense, and I’m like “not again! :/”

I was thinking about her the other day and started considering the difference in difficulty levels in kickin’ it to women.. or perhaps, not kickin’ it, because anybody can just start running their mouths and hope something good happens, but rather difficulty levels in IMPRESSING women, or at least remaining in the pocket and not getting blitzed out of the game. Continue reading “Difficulty Levels”

3am Bar Tactics

So I’m sitting in this bar, right?.. QUELLE SURPRISE!!! :O haha .. So it’s like 3am and there are only two chicks left. Let’s name them A and B… The question is.. Which one do you kick it to? o_O

So I’m sitting in this bar, right?.. QUELLE SURPRISE!!! :O haha

So it’s like 3am and there are only two chicks left. Let’s name them A and B.

A is in better physical shape than B. B is cuter than A, facially. Continue reading “3am Bar Tactics”

Lonely People Should Date Each Other

Lonely people should date each other, in order to avoid mismatches.

Some online dating sites ask people a lot of questions. I know this because I have a couple of fake accounts so I can check out the local talent.

I can’t actually be involved in online dating, because I can’t get into a chick based on some unverified information she typed about herself and a couple of close-cropped pictures of her, spanning from her collarbone to the top of her head.. I actually have to be around a chick to know what I want to do with her.

One of the questions I haven’t seen is “Are You Lonely?”

I didn’t think about it at the time that I was making my accounts, but I was having yet another of the recurring conversation I have with women who can’t understand why guys are trying to touch them and kiss them and get laid when they go on dates with them. Continue reading “Lonely People Should Date Each Other”

Singles Awareness Day

Reader “Barb” just made me aware that February 14th is not only St.Valentine’s Day, but it’s also Singles Awareness Day, or Singles Appreciation Day, either of which spell SAD.

Reader “Barb” just made me aware that February 14th is not only St.Valentine’s Day, but it’s also Singles Awareness Day, or Singles Appreciation Day, either of which spell SAD.

That’s already kind of funny, because people will be wishing each other “Happy SAD” today, but it’s also funny because single people are often looked down upon and/or even pitied by non-single people, as if everyone who’s single wishes they weren’t. Continue reading “Singles Awareness Day”