What is a Cougar? How come this dating term only applies to females and not to males who exhibit the same behaviors?

Definition

According to Wikipedia, a Cougar is “a woman, 40 years of age or older, who pursues younger men, typically more than eight years her junior. The term is also commonly applied to women that are thirty or older.”

This is clearly a corny & simpe viewpoint. Urban Dictionary has some more definitions for us:

• An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or MILF. Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her **** together.
• (see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. “Man is cougar’s number one prey”
• An attractive woman in her 30′s or 40′s who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with MILFs.
• A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted. A cougar’s victims are usually under 25, as cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair. Cougars generally feed and then continue hunting, as they enjoy role reversal.
• A Cougar is a female, usually between thirty and fifty years-old, who enjoys the sexual company of younger men. Cougars are only usually interested in men under the age of twenty-five. Also, Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without ever settling down. It is not uncommon for the same Cougar to attack (sleep with) many different men in the same group of friends. Furthermore, Cougars are older and more practiced in the ways of snaring a mate so they will rarely broadcast their intentions to sleep with you until you are already in her Jetta, headed for the condo she just bought. It is this elusive behavior that earns her the name “Cougar.”
• Hot and sexy older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single or married, who is sick of her same-age counterparts which are usually hairless, have big guts, who only talk about their insurance premiums and have the TV remote control attached to their hands. Cougars are attractive, in their sexual prime, who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. BIG misconception is that they dress cheap, wear hot pink nail polish, animal skin prints and are not-so-attractive old-looking hags with bleached hair (Yeah those women exist, but they are NOT cougars). True cougars are classy, beautiful creatures who have made their successes on their own, have real brains, usually with expensive cars/homes, and are real head turners. Cougars seek younger men, and don’t have to sneak up and attack…they know their younger mates are eager to get an experienced woman who won’t ask if they’ll call them the next day. Being a cougar is a positive thing.

Did you notice how this is like a crime scene where everyone has a different description of the perp? :D

She was 35.. No.. She was 50…
She was rich.. No.. She was broke…
She looked busted.. No.. She looked HAWT!!! :D

For the purpose of this discussion, I’m going to define a Cougar as a female that’s older than the male she’s kickin’ it to who has uncommon advantages over that male that she’s not “supposed” to have.

We need to keep the “older than” component, or the concept isn’t any fun. If you get served by a chick your age or younger, she was just smarter than you and your life sucks.

I’m willing to toss the “how much money she has” component and the “whether she looks good or not” component as those aren’t going to be primary issues during the locker-room talk debriefing the next day with his boys. As soon as he mentions that he hooked up with an older chick, the conversation could potentially stall there indefinitely as he attempts to explain why and save face in front of his friends who are dying to call him “desperate”.

The age component needs to be dropped lower because those mid-western grade-school teachers that keep getting busted for being in love with their 14-year-old (happy as HELL to get laid!!! :D) students already qualify as Cougars in their late 20′s.

So we need for the Cougar to be older, except we also need for her to have uncommon advantages in the relationship. Otherwise, she qualifies as a MILF, which is a similar, yet completely different fetish category.

MILFs

The acronym MILF stands for Mother I’d Like to ****. It’s a technically incorrect term because nobody cares whether the older chick has kids or not. The concept is more that she’s old enough to have kids or maybe that the way she looks, you would say “She’s old enough to be my mother” even though she might only be 5 years older than you are.

MILFs don’t have any advantages in relationships.

They’re just like regular females except they were born before you were. You don’t need to apply any special tactics for them. Actually, you can do even less as you imagine them to be relatively desperate and hungry for some male action.

MILFs are a fetish category because they’re not supposed to still be in The Game. They’re supposed to have had all the sex they’re going to have in their lives and now, their function is being somebody’s mother or a secretary or something.

The problem with this theory is that women supposedly peak sexually in their 30′s, so even though their looks might be way past their prime, they’re way more DTF (Down To ****) than younger girls who are still playing stupid games and frontin’ like they don’t want to hook up with you when you know that they’re dying to give you some.

So, a MILF is an older woman that you’re not supposed to be able to have sex with, but somehow you do.. Like, you go to some chick’s house to take her out to the club and she got stuck at the library studying so her mother invites you wait for her inside and you happen to hook up with the moms, probably including all sorts of stuff that her daughter wouldn’t have done for you anyway.

Or.. Maybe you decide to do your laundry late at night and this older gal is the only one in the laundromat and one thing leads to another…

These qualify as MILF encounters… Regular stuff, except it just so happens that the gal’s older than you are.

Cougars

A cougar, OTOH, is making moves from her own personal power. You have to imagine a Stella trying to get her Groove Back.

The Cougar knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. There’s an empty space she’s trying to fill… She’s looking to add an element to her already HAPPENIN’ lifestyle.

Unfortunately.. Unless you know how to tell the difference, a Cougar looks just like a MILF and you might could get caught slippin’. :D

It might be a part of her game plan to play that submissive “Oh.. I do declare!.. I think this whippersnapper’s trying to have sex with me! :O” role because she doesn’t want to scare you off by saying “Let’s get out of here” or asking you to accompany her to the bathroom of the bar and then locking both of y’all inside.

The trick to the Cougar is that “She don’t need you.. She’ll let the welfare feed you.”.. The tricks that usually work on women will actually leave you in a worse position than if you hadn’t tried to use them.

Declarations of love and promises of long-term relationships don’t have the pantie-dropping effect they’re supposed to. She’s not looking for Mr. Right.. She’s looking for Mr. Right Now. >:D

It’s also easy to miss it entirely when a Cougar propositions you because the way some of them press up is so subtle and slick. For instance, they might use the typical guy’s trick of feigning interest in your business so you have to.. what?.. Give her your business card.

After that, you need to talka about the business, right?.. Which is usually best discussed over what?.. Dinner. O_o

Of course, you need to meet at the restaurant’s bar before dinner, which leads to what?.. Drinks…

Next thing you know, you’ve gone on a full-fledged DATE with her and you can’t even accuse her of having asked you out! :D

So What?

What difference does any of this make? How come we need a special term for this behavior?

Cougars do what they want to do when they want to do it. If this attitude somehow permeated the female population, it would be a complete disaster for guys trying to get laid.

Sometimes, the only leverage you have is that she wants you to spend money on her or take her dancing or buy her a house.. The only carrot you have to dangle in front of her face is how much better her life will be if she hooks up with you. Take that away, and women would only give it up to guys they actually thought were sexy, and society as we know it goes down the tubes. :D

Once you label the behavior, you can convince people that it’s a deviant lifestyle and eventually even prescribe medication for it. mo money, Mo Money, MO MONEY!!! :D

More importantly, you can utilize the new distinction to brainwash girls that this is not who they want to be when they grow up.. A free-thinking, financially independent woman enjoying her life without being subservient to a man (unless that’s how she gets her kicks..) and getting involved with sex & relationships on her own terms.

It’s kind of like how they try to blackmail guys into selecting a girlfriend by telling us “You don’t want to end up as that old-ass man at the bar, do you?”

Speaking of which…

Male Cougars?

There is no similar term that means male that’s older than the female he’s kickin’ it to who has uncommon advantages over that female that he’s not “supposed” to have.

Guys are SUPPOSED to have lots of advantages over the women they’re dating. That’s the whole point of the mating ritual. She’s trying to make a come-up by latching onto a guy that’s better than her, taller than her, stronger than her, richer than her, with a better career than she has, owns more property than her, has better genes than her family does, etc etc etc.

The phrase women like to use is “I can do poorly all by myself!”

There’s no point in a woman latching onto a man who’s a lesser human being than she is unless she’s one of those people that enjoys telling people what to do. If that’s her idea of a fun relationship, then more power to her.

So there IS no Cougar-type term for guys because we date women as young as we like, so long as they’re legal in that particular state.

Will you ever see Hugh Hefner cold lampin’ with chicks his age? NOPE!.. He likes young chicks and can afford as many of them as he likes. There’s no term for that, except perhaps “The American Dream”. >:D

According to society’s standards, guys are SUPPOSED to be older than the gals they date. They’re supposed to be taller and smarter and richer… It’s not enough of an issue to warrant a particular label, just like women getting laid *WELL* isn’t enough of an issue to warrant the creation of brothels where women can go to Get Their Groove Back right quick and then get on with their business like men all over the world do every single day of life.

According to a recent Time/CNN article, the Cougar craze is a myth… What do YOU think? O_o

Related Posts

• Ass Out, In The Garbage (Homegirl Epic Failure)
• Bill’s Dating Tips For Women [Part 05]
• Safe Sex Tutorial (Big Willie Pockets)
• Who’s The Leader In Your Relationship?
• That’s Your Man’s Problem

Every time I go somewhere where there are more than, say, 50 people that read blogs and are also into Social Media, I find out that there’s someone new that I didn’t realize reads my dating blog.

This is a great thing, and I’m happy about that as well as appreciative, but it’s sort of a sticky wicket when you’re in a conversation that you think is completely random and then the other person starts quoting lines verbatim from your material….

So the other night, I’m minding my own business and the next thing I know, I’m involved in a conversation about one of my previous posts. The gal and her croanies know who they are, and they obviously read my blog, so no need to shout them out.

I felt like I was doing ok in the conversation until the instigator threw “She used to be *FOYINE*, and now she’s NOT!” in my face a couple of times in a row, which is when I had hoped to dilute the situation by calling over her homegirl, but that didn’t work out in my favor either. I was suddenly aware that my material had not only been read, but it had also been discussed between the two of them, and I had just made matters worse for myself instead of better.

So now, I’m going to attempt to clarify what a woman HAS TO DO in a relationship and what she does NOT have to do.

Terms of Service (ToS)

What are the “Terms of Service” to your relationship? Do you know? Are you aware that there are DEFINITELY ToS to your relationship?

A lot of women believe that they were selected by their men for some supernatural reason… Like he would have chosen her REGARDLESS of how she looks, how she acts, what she thinks… They think their relationships were created by divine intervention, and don’t believe that there are REASONS why their boyfriends/husbands selected them, whether the guys copped to those reasons or not. If you’re one of these women that think you’ve just got it like that, let’s think about one of the ToS of *YOUR* current relationship, which is:

You Are A Female

Doesn’t seem like ToS, does it? Unfortunately for you, it is. One of the criteria that your current boyfriend utilized in selecting you is that he perceived you to be a female. Can we stipulate to that?

If not, what you’re saying is that if your boyfriend suddenly perceived you to be a male of the species that he would still date you. Do you believe that?…..

We’ll leave married couples out of this part of the conversation, because we can assume that if they’re married, he hit it at least once, and if he has the slightest understanding of female anatomy, he’s determined whether his “wife” was male or female already.

The fact that you are a female is DEFINITELY in your relationship’s ToS. You would have received NO LIGHT from the giddyap if you hadn’t been a female, so that’s our ToS foundation. This is ESPECIALLY important for guys that actually want to have a family populated by their own kids, since a female is required to complete the process. This brings us to ToS #2:

Your Man Is Physically Attracted To You

Or… At least he *WAS* when he first met you. This, I think, is where we run into a SERIOUS point of contention between males & females. Women like to believe that men walk across a crowded room and start a conversation with them because he supernaturally knew something about her mind… or her “heart”, or that they were “meant to be together”. It’s not true. He saw what he liked and stepped to you. Period.

There might be more to that in this day and age, actually. Thanks to Social Media, e-Stalking has become all the rage, so it’s entirely possible that a guy knew A WHOLE LOT about you before he “happened” to meet you at an event. In fact… THIS ENTIRE POST is the result of e-Stalking, because I wasn’t aware that the co-conspirators had both read a blog post that I had already forgotten about and were prepared to bring it up as we were clinking glasses and frivolously socializing!

So, does it happen that there’s “love at first sight”? Sure. More likely, LUST at first sight, but still… There are guys that see gals and are like “I’ve got to have her” without knowing ANYTHING else about her. The problem, ladies, is that if you don’t ask him and/or he isn’t willing to tell you the truth about WHY he stepped to you, you don’t know for sure…

This is how A LOT OF WOMEN end up violating the ToS of their relationships, either unknowingly or deliberately. They either don’t know that what they’re doing will have an effect on their relationship, OR they rebel against the IDEA that there are ToS at all and assert themselves to prove to themselves and others that they’re going to do whatever they want, regardless of what their man thinks.

ToS Violations

Assuming that a) Your boyfriend selected you because you are female, and b) He selected you because he was physically attracted to you at the time, we can now list several violations for which you *may* be penalized…

1. Sex Reassignment Surgery (female-to-male) – Nuff Said.
2. Gaining too much weight – Too much ass for the tappin’.
3. Losing too much weight – Not ENOUGH ass for the tappin’.
4. Cutting your hair too short if he met you when it was long.
5. Letting your hair grow too long if he met you when it was short.
6. Acting like a JERK in public – Makes him look like he can’t get a better girl, AND makes him look like he has no control over his relationship… which might well be THE FACT OF THE MATTER, but he still doesn’t want his business in the streets.
7. Putting his business in the streets.
8. Not enough sex – Nuff Said.
9. Too Much Sex – Can a brotha get his Social Media on?… Damn.
10. Wack clothing selection – Leave those grand-ma-ma sweaters AT HOME and get with the program.
11. Making out with some other chick without inviting a brotha.
12. Eating most of the pizza I ordered for “us”, so I don’t have anything left over, really, and I should have actually bought TWO PIES if I had known you were going to eat that much – Sorry. Flashback. Never mind that one.

So you can see the problem here. The women who either don’t know or don’t care WHY their man selected them are liable to violate their ToS at any time. Meanwhile, their boyfriends are either going to let them slide on these infractions or enact penalties & sanctions as they see fit. If life were FAIR, then the guys would have told the gals up front what they could or couldn’t do if they were going to be in a relationship with them.

Being that most women’s reactions to “tell a woman what she can or can not do” are going to be shock, disbelief & outrage, most guys like to keep this information under the hat and spring it on her as a surprise when she steps over the line. This is clearly lame, underhanded, weaselesque behavior, but it’s very effective in getting a brotha laid until the last minute when he’s had all he can standS and can’t STANDS NO MORE!!!

Consequences & Repercussions

For the three women who are still reading this, here’s the point. Y’all can do WHATEVER. YOU. LIKE. in relationships… just be aware that there will DEFINITELY be consequences & repercussions. The more weaselesque your man is, the more things will spring out at you out of the blue. The more open, honest and communicative your man is, the more your feelings are going to get hurt, but you’ll know exactly where you stand with him.

So the point is NOT that a guy can tell a gal what she can or can’t do IN GENERAL, but rather that he can tell her what’s likely to happen if she violates the relationship’s ToS. Does a guy have any actual SAY over whether his girlfriend cuts her hair or not? Nope. However, HE decides (or maybe his body decides) whether he’s attracted to her in her current iteration, which will determine what SHE receives from the relationship. Therefore, women are creating their own consequences by going off the reservation.

You want to dye your hair blonde? Go ahead. Good luck that your man thinks that’s sexy. Who cares if your man thinks you’re sexy? YOU DO.. Unless you’re ready to go shopping for a new boyfriend. You want to dress like a bum or like you just stepped out of Little House on the Prarie? Go ahead! Good luck that your man thinks that’s sexy. You want to break NOBLOG embargoes and put your man’s business in the streets? Go ahead!….

See the pattern? It’s not that a guy gets to tell you what to do with your weight or your hair or your clothes or your personality. He gets to inform you that there are potential consequences to ToS violations. Worst-case scenario, he might go YouTube on your ass and suspend your account.

He’s With You For Your Mind

In case you don’t believe anything I’ve just written, why don’t you go ahead and change aspects of your appearance and personality and see what happens to your relationship? Feel free to leave a comment below about the changes you made and how your man didn’t do JACK about it and you still have your relationship.

It’s entirely possible that you’re right. It’s entirely possible that your boyfriend isn’t attracted to you AT.ALL. anyway. Maybe he likes how you read books or that you can recite Pi to 50 digits. Maybe he’s with you for the companionship, and he really DOESN’T care if you’re male or female.

She used to be *FOYINE*, and now she’s NOT!

This is one of the downsides for attractive females who meet guys. Y’all never know if the guy’s “with you for your mind” or whether he ‘just’ happens to like how you currently look. It’s the same thing for rich or famous guys… They can never tell if the gals like them as people or are just sweating their fame.

You like the credit cards and private planes
Money can really take you far
You like the hotels and fancy clothes
And the sound of electric guitars, but….
Do you love me? (do you love me?)

It’s really important to know whether your physical attractiveness or your wallet was included in the ToS when y’all decided you wanted to start a relationship together. If you go from a size 4 to a size 8, is he gonna break north and look for another size 4?… If you get laid off, is she going to step to the left and find a guy who’s making more money than you are?…

Communication is the key here… Also, honesty… If you can get it. Try it. You might like it. You might be surprised. You might find out that your boyfriend likes a little more bounce to the ounce… A little more cushion for the pushin’. If he’s willing to admit that he doesn’t, and it looks like that’s the direction your body’s heading, at least now you have the information you need to make an educated decision. You can either step away from the bon bons, spend that extra hour per day in the gym and keep your man doing that thing that you know you like for him to do to you….. Or you can say “Screw HIM!” and “Pass the Ice Cream!”

Let me know what you decide… and how that’s workin’ for ya.

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

Related Posts

• Young, Sexy & Dangerous
• Makeup [The Okey-Doke, Part 01]
• Dating Encroachment & “Inappropriate” Behavior
• Cougars vs. MILFs
• Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]

As you know if you’ve been following this column over the last 6 months, DatingGenius doesn’t “date”.

The term “dating” implies progression. It’s like something Richie Cunningham or Potsie Weber might do. You see a chick and you want her, but you’re not willing to let her know what time it is, so you beat around the bush taking her places in hopes that she’ll see you as the kind of guy she wants to give it up to. *yawn*

In fact, there *IS* no progression. A chick knows if she wants to mess with you off the bat. Depending on what you tell her after that, she either thinks more about giving you some or LESS about giving you some, hahaha :D … That’s all there is. You want to hook up with her, or else you wouldn’t be on a so-called “date” with her. Everybody knows it, so stop acting like you’re all sneaky and undercover and then try to surprise the chick with a “good-night kiss” when you drop her home, hoping that it works like in the movies, and all of a sudden, she’ll invite you in for…. a nightcap. :/

So, no. DatingGenius doesn’t “date”. He hangs out with chicks. Period. If they’re into DatingGenius like that, then CHA-CHINGGGG!!! :D If not, we have a good time anyway, then we go about our respective businesses.

Having said that, if you still insist on “dating”, like actually courting one person in a serial fashion with the intent of them eventually handing you a title that’s supposed to mean something, like “significant other”, then make sure you date someone BETTER. THAN. YOU! :D

Now, that might not seem to make sense, coming from the diabolical, empty-life-having (bookstore chick’s friend informed me of this a couple of weeks ago), sinister, evil, manipulating DatingGenius! :D You would think that he would advocate kicking it to the dumbest, low-brow character you can find in order to maximize your control over the situation. Dummies and lowlives are great if you’re just trying to get on ASAP and don’t intend to see them ever again in life. If you’re actually going to REPRESENT with this person, like as in let ANYONE ELSE know that you’re messing with them… That person needs to be a FANTASTIC individual. This is actually MORE IMPORTANT for the ladies than it is for the fellaz, so pay attention. :D

[Part 1: Dummies]

Let’s say the person you’re dating is a dummy. Like they’re just not intelligent. Maybe you’re on iChat with them and it takes them mad, crazy, stupid long to type a response to you, and then after all that waiting, it’s like a line and a half because they were only using their two pointer fingers to peck at the keyboard. Or maybe they can’t spell for JACK, and you’re wondering if they dropped out of school in the 5th grade to pack bags for change at the supermarket, then got hooked on drugs before making it back into the school system.

If you actually date this idiot, regardless of how good he or she looks or how good the sex is, don’t give yourself credit like you’ve pulled off some fantastic feat. In fact, anyone smarter than them will be able to manipulate them if they choose to, and you’ve “built your house on sand”… if not quicksand.

On top of that, you can’t TAKE this person ANYWHERE! :D Unless they happen to LOOK intelligent and you can convince them to not say ANYTHING around your peers, this person is an accident waiting to happen… Actually, an accident TRYING to happen, because it’s been my experience that the dumber someone is, the more they try to impress other people. Did you notice that? :D It’s like the smartest people, most of the time in a conversation, they’re listening and PROCESSING what people are saying. When they finally say something, it’s worth hearing and it’s the product of what they’ve absorbed from what’s been going on. Meanwhile, you see the dummies sitting there staring at the mouth of the person who’s talking… They seem to be trying to synchronize, like double dutch, getting ready to jump into the conversation when they perceive that the current speaker is about to finish his or her point.

The problem with this is that if you’re synchronizing, you’re not LISTENING, which becomes apparent when the dummy jumps in with something relevant to 10 minutes ago when they finally had ONE good idea, and they’ve been waiting until now to get a word in edgewise. That’s when the entire conversation stops and everyone tries to be polite. There’s this silent exchange that goes on between everyone. They’re not so much being polite to the dummy as they’re being polite TO *YOU* because it’s YOUR FAULT that this person’s in here $&%*ing up the program! :D Basically, people are embarrassed *for* you, and everyone’s trying not to mention that the emperor has no clothes on.

This is easily avoided, if you insist on dating dummies and bringing them out in public, by not giving them a title when you introduce them. We all have those friends… Every so often, they come around with a new…. person… and they introduce this person by name, but no title. Like, it’s clear that they’re out on a date, but by not declaring this person, you get to play it off down the line. Oh… That was a business partner from the Kentucky branch, my job asked me to show him around. Oh… That was my CEO’s daughter, visiting from San Diego. Who? When?… OH!… I was interviewing her for that intern position (at 11:30 pm). This only works, however, if you know you’re going to get rid of them eventually. If you end up eventually declaring them, you look like a chump for trying to play it off.

You also can’t leave people like this alone with your friends. Do NOT go to the bathroom. Do NOT go to the bar to order drinks. Do NOT pass “go” and Do NOT collect $200. Stick to this person LIKE GLUE. If you leave, and your friends ask your date “What do you think about Obama” and they reply “I think he’s still hiding in those mountains”, you’re *dead*. Laughing stock. You will NEVER live it down.

DatingGenius

Related Posts

• Thou Shalt Not Drink Soda With Pop Rocks!
• Marry Rich
• Does it matter what women think?
• Life Isn’t Fair
• Tip for the ladies: He doesn’t care! :D

Title: “The Holiday Sweater Song”
Directed/Written/Edited by Justin Johnson
Music: Steve Nelson
Vocals: Patty DeArteaga & Justin Johnson
Lyrics: Justin Johnson and Steve Nelson
Vimeo Permalink: [link]
YouTube Permalink: [link]

What says HOLIDAY COMFORT AND FUN more than a festive sweater, adorned with all manner of snowmen, snow women, dogs, snowflakes, and more. Let’s celebrate the beauty of holiday sweaters with some music combined with video!

HUGE thanks to all the people who submitted their videos for this, couldn’t have made it without all your support.

STARRING:
Jodi’s Kids

Alan and Wife

George and Nintern

Erik, Jared, and Lee

Giancarlo Florentini & Jon Grimm
http://wiseguypictures.net/

Amanda Ferri and Alex
http://bustedtees.com/

Shawn Pearlman

Ramon “The Iron Dove”

Steve Garfield
http://www.stevegarfield.com/

Josh Leo
http://joshleo.com/

Veronica Belmont
http://www.veronicabelmont.com/

Hayden Black
http://goodnightburbank.com/

Tim and Rachel
http://nextnewnetworks.com/

Streeter and Amir
http://collegehumor.com/

Michelle and Felicia
http://youtube.com/

Andrea Feczko
http://fastlanedaily.com/

Dave Seger
http://www.a-okfilms.com/

Dan Meth
http://methminute39.com/

Marissa Nystrom
http://celebzaredum.tumblr.com/

Erik Beck
http://indymogul.com/

Bill Cammack
http://reelsolid.tv/

Gary the Puppet

Nick and Richard
http://gawker.com/

Nick Douglas
http://valleywag.com/

Blame Society Productions
http://www.splu.net/

Erik X Raj
http://njfilmcore.com/

Kyle Fasanella
http://vilekyle.com/

The Thread Heads
http://threadbanger.com/

Halcyon
http://www.cockybastard.com/

ART BY
Ben Ross

MUSIC BY
Steve Nelson

LYRICS BY
Justin Johnson and Steve Nelson

DIRECTED / WRITTEN / EDITED BY
Justin Johnson

Related Posts

• Thou Shalt Not Drink Soda With Pop Rocks!
• Navigating “The Kid Thing”
• Do guys really care how chicks look?
• 313 Reelsolid.TV s03 ep031 – More Than A Feeling
• Purely Looks

Yes, I know I said “only date broke chicks”, but now, we’re talking about marriage! :D

If you’re going to get married to a chick, make *SURE* she’s got ‘mad ducats’! :D

Don’t put yourself in the screwed-up position of having to support some deadbeat chick. That went out of style with The Flintstones and The Honeymooners. Women’s Lib is in FULL EFFECT… YA HEARD? Chicks have their own jobs… Chicks have their own money…. They’re even allowed to own land now. There’s no reason why you can’t find yourself a *RICH* chick to get married to. None.

You may have to do a little bullshitting, because chicks like to hook up with guys that are more successful than they are. Go hang out at the country club. Order an overpriced water and act like you’re drinking vodka. Drop a lot of references to your yacht and the several homes you own around the world. You know the drill. ;)

Anyway…

Now, there are two types of rich chicks you can go for. There’s the self-made rich chick that is educated and has her own career and has done what she’s needed to do to elevate her lifestyle to the lap of luxury. All props and credit to those women! :D … Then, there’s the type that’s rich because either her father or her ex-husband worked A LOT, and she’s become the beneficiary of their labor. It all depends on what you plan to do with her money, which kind of rich chick you want to go for….

If you want to keep her money to yourself, marry the rich, self-made chick. The higher she gets in her career, the more hours she’s going to have to spend working. This means you get to drive her fancy luxury car back and forth to the store to pick up the latest video games on her credit card. In this case, you’re basically the butler, Jeeves. It’s your job to pick her up from work after you chilled all day, drive her to the restaurant for dinner, since your ass probably can’t cook worth a damn, drive her back home and pamper her for about an hour before she falls asleep since she needs to get up early to go make you some more money in the morning. So, basically, by ‘working’ between 6 and 10pm every day, the equivalent of a part-time job, you enjoy all the luxuries she’s working so hard to make available to you. This works best with chicks you have no intention of having sex with.

OTOH… >:D … If you actually ENJOY her company and want to hang out with her and hit it, etc… then make sure you get one of those beneficiary-chicks. The bad thing about trust fund chicks and divorcees is that they’re spending their money faster than YOU’RE spending their money! :O The good thing about them is that they don’t actually have to waste time going to GET that money, so you have loads of time to hang out with them all day, every day! :D Paris on a Tuesday? No problem! :D Tavern On The Green on Thursday afternoon? No problem! :D

Fortunately, even though the divorce/cheating rates hover around 50% to 60%, there are still a bunch of dummies that get married without prenuptial agreements, so there are tons of divorcees around. um…. And don’t think I’m talking about old-ass chicks, either! :D Check out what Wikipedia has to say about Marriageable Age in Utah! :O

Utah: 18 generally for first marriage, 16 with parental consent, 14 with court approval or previous marriage.

… um…. Previous marriage *BEFORE* 14? :/ …. Anyway, you see what I’m getting at. By the time those chicks are divorced, they’ll just be turning legal age. By the time they’re divorced for the second or third time, they’ll be the age they would have been if they had graduated college…. *IF* they had gone to school past the 4th grade, when they got married the first time :/ So that’s two alimony checks, and the chick’s dumb as a box of rocks!…..

SWEET!!! :D

DatingGenius

Related Posts

• Only Date People Better Than YOU! :D
• Married Life = Life Over?
• The Lab – Episode 02: Response To Randolfe
• Does it matter what women think?
• Life Isn’t Fair