I was having this conversation the other day and I happened to mention that I usually invite several females to the same party. The guy I was telling this to reacted in a shocked fashion, as if I had said something amazing, incredible, or what seemed to him to be a really bad idea.

In fact, it’s perfectly efficient to invite multiple women because some of them are going to decline the invitation. Some of them are going to flake out and not show up. Some are going to show up early and leave. Some are going to show up later. The only ‘trick’ to the technique is that you have to be sure that all of your invitees will get along, just in case they actually all DO show up (which never happens).

Another friend of mine was telling me that she doesn’t know a lot of people. I can’t relate to that because I’ve been popular since my earliest memories. I’ve always had a crowd of people that wanted to hang out with me, so the concept of knowing a static number of women is entirely foreign to me. I met my current best girlfriends during the last three years. I’m liable to make 3-4 new female friends every time I go somewhere, which is more than once a week. I’m very much used to, and I very much enjoy the NYC ‘revolving door’ lifestyle.

People come and people go. \o/ It’s no big deal. There are times people want to get together and times that they don’t. They’re in town or they’re not. They’re busy working or they’re not. Women achieve new boyfriends and then they break up and become single again. It is what it is… Until it isn’t. >:D

This is why a lot of what I have to say sounds ridiculous to people that are involved in a typical, static lifestyle. Just like I don’t understand them, they don’t understand me. I mean, I understand WHY they live they way they do, I just can’t explain my perspective to them properly because they have no point of reference.

Requirements

One of the topics that’s been coming up a lot recently is what people “have to do” when they get involved in relationships. It’s really annoying to listen to, because, in fact, you don’t have to do ANYTHING in this life, other than die. All of these rules and regulations were made up by somebody and people choose to follow them, or, at least, they choose to FAKE following them in order to get the other person to do what they want them to do.

I think this is a foundational point to most of my blog posts. I’m not anti-relationships. I think relationships are fantastic and lovely when both people are on the same page and are working together as a team because they both want to. I’m rarely talking about those kinds of relationships in my posts.

What I’m usually talking about is how easy it is for people like myself, who have ZERO intention of doing anything other than exactly what I feel like doing at any given time, to fake being in a typical relationship with someone. I know the right things to say. I know the right things to do. If I wanted a girlfriend, I would have one within the hour. If I wanted her to claim me on Facebook, that would happen immediately.

What WOULDN’T happen is anything changing about the way I live my life. This is why I don’t bother handing out titles. I used to. I stopped.

In fact, if a gal wants me to do something other than what I personally feel like doing or what I elect to do for her of my own free will, she can go take a long walk on a short plank.

What’s going to happen after that is she’s going to bounce and some other chicks are going to receive the benefits of the time the exiting chick has freed up. I probably haven’t even met her replacement yet. Every few months, I meet a gal that becomes important to me. I really appreciate and admire her and I feel close to her and want the best for her.

A new gal usually starts cycling through boyfriends because I’m not offering her what she’s looking for, romantically. I’m completely used to and content with the ebb & flow of my relationships. At first, I wasn’t. If you stay in the game long enough, you begin to realize that you get the best things from women when they want to give those things to you and they truly want to be that person for you. If she’s dating some dude, she’s out of that mode with you and there’s nothing to be jealous about. Once that’s over, she changes back into that person who looks at you that certain way, touches you that certain way and means what she says to you.

Rules

Like I said.. This isn’t going to make any sense to people that never meet anyone new and who aren’t used to relationships starting and stopping on a regular basis. They’re ready to fall for the okey-doke of Relationship Blackmail because that’s the only way they know how to get what they want.

To me, it’s entirely incredible that there are dudes that catch flack from their women for LOOKING. AT. OTHER. WOMEN! :D It’s completely insane. What in the world makes women believe that a guy becomes attracted to only one woman because they agreed to date each other or give each other a title? What sense does that make? Do they expect their man not to eat unless she makes the dinner? Do they expect him not to go to the movies unless she tags along? Where did this come from? Who made this garbage up? \o/

Of course, the same thing goes for the guys. Who gives a flying **** if your girl thinks some guy is attractive, or looks at him, or talks to him, if she’s bringin’ that azz home to you every night? o_O

What difference does it make? If she’s a grown-ass-woman, she should be able to interact with other people without accidentally giving it up, or you shouldn’t be dating her in the first place, right?

If you were concerned that she was a ho, you shouldn’t have “wifed her up”, right?.. ok then. Give her some room to breathe and enjoy her life and react to her natural impulses.

It’s entirely ridiculous.. all these complaints about nothing:

• I saw a girl’s number in his phone
• I saw he was emailing with a girl
• I saw he was visiting a girl’s website
• I heard he was talking to a girl at the mall
• I heard she danced with a guy at the company party
• I heard she met a guy at the laundromat
• I found out that a guy slipped her his business card

And then, people throw away perfectly good relationships because of nonsense like this that doesn’t mean anything. Their excuse is “He KNEW he wasn’t allowed to do that! :O”. That’s the entire problem with blackmail. Who the **** are you to tell me what I’M allowed to do with my own life?

Roses

That’s what guys would LIKE to say, but they know they wouldn’t get laid after that, which was the entire point of the relationship in the first place, so they just stay shut and apologize and call their actions “a mistake” and buy flowers & candy and get their SUV windows smashed out by golf clubs at 2am…

Unless, of course, they’re Chris Brown or Mel Gibson.

So I steer clear of all this ridiculousness and “Keep it 100″, as they like to say now.

You’re not going to blackmail me. You don’t have anything that I want enough to trade you *any* of my rights. We’ll do whatever we both agree to do together. Keep my business out tha street. I’ll do the same with yours. When you’re into something else, I’ll respect that. When you’re finished playing games with that Herb, we’ll pick up where we left off.

Don’t ask me where I was. Don’t ask me who I was talking to. Don’t ask me what we did. Don’t ask me whose number is in my phone. I’m here right now. Let’s enjoy our time together or not spend time together at all. I’m not playing these “relationship” games with you. It ain’t that type-a party.

Of course, I can afford this because I’m going to meet new girls tomorrow. The rest of y’all should stick to the flowers & candy.
–
Connect with Bill via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace, Email Subscription, RSS Feed

Related Posts

• Golden Tickets And Stalkers – JS s03 e06
• Relationship Compressors vs Limiters
• Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 03]
• Your Girlfriend Is A Ho
• Asking Women Out On Dates

Continued from Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 01] & Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 02]

Reader Steve asked for a tactics post in the DatingGenius Suggestion Box, so I thought I’d critique the Top 10 Rules.

7) If he does not call, he is not that interested. Period.

This is a high-percentage possibility. There are also a few low-percentage possibilities:

1) He was drunk when he met you so when he looked at your number he couldn’t remember what you looked like or what you talked about that evening.
2) He’s trying to look “in demand” just like YOU ARE by following “rules”, so he’s avoiding calling you so quickly that he looks like he’s riding your bra strap.
3) He met six other chicks that night and hasn’t gotten around to you yet, in decreasing order of physical attractiveness.
4) You wrote your number on his hand, and his drunk ass washed his hands before he sobered up.
5) You wrote your number on a napkin and he blew his nose with it and threw it away by accident.
6) His girlfriend found your number in his phone and erased it.
7) His pre-paid cellphone ran out of minutes, and he has to wait until payday to get another phone.
8) He saw your Facebook pictures and changed his mind.

8) Close the deal – Rules women do not date men for more than two years

If you’ve followed The Rules, your man probably loves you and wants to marry you. Your problem is not if he marries you, but when! If it’s been more than a year, see less of him and think about dating others. You’ve already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose; do you have another year to wait?

Similar to their advice on women fantasizing about relationships, this is a hit or miss, depending on whether you actually have any more wins other than the man you’re currently dating. This advice is akin to “If you’re on the Titanic, jump off and into the water, because it might hit an iceberg”. That’s all well and good except that a) you might drown and b) the Titanic might *NOT* hit an iceberg, in which case you feel like an ASS for having to swim all the way to New York City on your own.

For the analogy-impaired, what I’m saying is it’s good advice to dump a guy that hasn’t married you within two years…. IF you have other options. If you don’t, it’s in your best interest to make a quick physical and career-wise self-assessment and figure out whether you’re going to be able to pull a better man than you’re with right now.

Were you hitting that gym for the last two years or eating bon bons with the remote in your hand, flipping from “Oprah” to “The View”? Were you advancing in your career, or did you “take some time off” while your man handled the bills? Did you have kids with this guy in the meantime? Did you move with him far, far, far, faaaaaaar away from the rest of your support group? Do you have your own car? Is it already paid for? How much is rent where you plan to live?

If you’ve got all that covered, go ahead and boot him! SSSSSSSSSSSSEEYA!!! :D … “Don’t let the door hit’cha… Where the Good Lord split’cha!” :D … “You ain’t gotsta go HOME!!!……. But you gotsta get THE HELL OUTTA *HERE*!!!” :D

Countermeasure: This rule is easily circumnavigated by buying your girl an engagement ring. *yawn*

Cubic Zirconia
If you think about it, the expenditure is entirely worthwhile. Assuming you don’t go the SMART route and buy her a Cubic Zirconia for mere pennies on the dollar, let’s say you drop $3,000 on a ring for your woman. Now she’s all happy and showing it off to her friends and telling them about how she’s getting married, yadda yadda and meanwhile, nothing’s changed at all as far as you’re concerned.

I’m not sure if “The Rules” includes time limits for marriage after engagement, but let’s assume that’ll buy you at least an extended warranty on your girl akkin’ right for another two years after your “marry me in two years, or else” deal expires. Assuming you get that extra two years, that means you only paid $1,500/year for 24-hour access to your woman! :D I mean, that’s FANTASTIC!!!… People pay more than that to park their car for a year in Manhattan.

Plus, think of all the money you save. You don’t have to go out on dates. You don’t have to buy chicks drinks at the bar. You don’t have to…. Actually, she’ll most likely want to move in with you, which means that with the rent you save, you’ll actually get your money RIGHT BACK! :D

um… Of course…. Take the hit on the $$,$$$ and *DON’T* let her move in with you if you don’t actually intend to marry her afterwards. You’ll be sooooooorryyyyyyyy! :D

9) Buyer beware – observe his behavior so you do not end up with Mr. Wrong.

Spot-on advice! :D Women tend to dismiss what they see with their own eyes while they’re dating a guy, because they figure they’re going to change him or he’s going to change on his own once they “get serious” with each other. Well, SERIOUSLY, you need to pay attention to what he’s doing right now, because that’s what he LIKES to do, and that’s what he does naturally.

Love may be blind, but Rules girls are not stupid! How does he act in the relationship? Is he cheap on dates? Is he critical of you? Remember, The Rules are not about marrying the first man you are attracted to who calls you by Wednesday for Saturday night and buys you flowers. It’s about marrying your own personal Mr. Right — a man whom you love and whose character you admire and can live with.

ok, Well… They didn’t pick the BEST things to look out for, but the principle is correct. “Is he critical of you”? hahaha Do you NEED to be criticized? :D Do you show up for dates looking like a bum? Do you belch in public? Do you FAIL to look both ways before you cross the street? Well then, you’re gonna get CRITICIZED! :D It’s really in your best interest and for your own good that your man looks out for you when you just can’t tell that those jeans don’t fit you properly.

Anyway…. Pay attention to what he says and does BEFORE he makes any deals with you. Does he take care of his kids *NOW*? Then what makes you think he’s going to take care of kids he has with YOU? Does he aspire to live in the country *NOW*? Don’t cry about it down the line when he doesn’t want to move in the future either. Is he ambitious about business and career advancement *NOW*? Then don’t complain when he’s still working in the sock factory and buying you Cubic Zirconia rings a few years from now. Does he wash his own clothes *NOW*? Then don’t expect him to wash his clothes when you move in with him, and ESPECIALLY don’t expect him to wash YOURS! :D hahaha Does he like to feel you up in public *NOW*? Then don’t expect him to become some sort of civilized gentleman down the line.

10) Keep doing the RULES even when things are slow

Ice Cream & DVD Movies, SUNNNN.. Ice CREAM, and D.V.D. MOVIESSSS! :D Hold it down. Hold your head. Main-TAIN, sistah… MAIN-TAIN!!! :D hahaha

Take care of yourself, take a bubble bath and build up your soul with positive slogans like “I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.”

Soap, Water & Affirmations. That’s the ticket!……. Even though you’re going to be lonely as #&%$, once you decide to play that “in demand” role, you have to keep the facade up. Look at the bright side, you’ll have time to read the book again while you’re in the tub. Hey! Here’s another affirmation for you:

“I’d rather be in the tub…. than in the club.”

hahaha To be fair, they also advocate going out in Rule #10:

You must learn to accept that, as an adult, you can’t always rely on a friend to do things with you. Even if you don’t meet Mr. Right, going out — whether it’s a restaurant, lecture or party — is a chance to meet new people and practice The Rules.

So… There you have the top 10 “Rules”. As I discussed with reader Sonja in part 01, I’m a fan of building people up instead of giving them gimmicks to try to trick people with. From what I saw of the top ten “Rules”, there’s a little building and A LOT of gimmickry. Overall, it’s probably fun for women to mentally mull over tactics they can use against men, since we have so many tactics that we use against them every day, and like I said in part 01, I’m sure there are LOTS of women who have relationships now because of doing “The Rules” that would just never have had ANYTHING in their entire lives, so that’s a good thing. :)

If you’ve read all three parts, you’ve seen that it’s insanely simple to feign compliance with these rules and eventually become “verified” by a “Rules Girl” without actually ‘deserving’ the qualification. This is why it’s better to build her intelligence, confidence, self-esteem & sense of self-worth than to leave her mentally as-is and give her some gimmicks that are supposed to only leave her exposed to worthwhile men (whatever that means for the individual reader). “The Rules” definitely weeds out the guys that aren’t willing to put in work to get laid, but it’s not going to deter the real sharks for a second.

It’s kind of like with chess. You learn how to play chess by… playing chess. You don’t learn how to play chess by buying a book of openings and learning how to do “Queen’s Gambit” & “Ruy Lopez”. You might look all *NICE* for the first 8-10 moves of the game, but right after that, you get you ass handed to you by a REAL player.

~Bill

Related Post(s): Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 01] | Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 02]

DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

Related Posts

• Relationship Blackmail
• Your Girlfriend Is A Ho
• Asking Women Out On Dates
• Appearance Of Bias
• You’re Still Not Me

Continued from Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 01]

Reader Steve asked for a tactics post in the DatingGenius Suggestion Box, so I thought I’d critique the Top 10 Rules.

4) In an office romance, do not email him back every time he emails you unless it is business related

On all non-business e-mails, responding once for every four of his e-mails is a good rule of thumb. Remember, you never know who has access to your e-mail, so keep all romance off the screen and save it for Saturday nights.

This is good advice if you’re using a company account. Other than that, this makes no sense AT. ALL. :D

I realize that “The Rules” was printed in 1995, so it makes sense for The Flintstones & Andy Griffith to have taken this advice, but in 2009, we not only have FREE personal email accounts, but we have hand-held computers to which we can route all of our correspondence. Assuming you don’t leave your g1, iPhone or Blackberry in the lunchroom, you’re golden.

As far as the actual “respond once to every four of his emails”, that’s easily countered by flooding her with emails. a-DUH!… Just write her four times as much as you want her to respond. *yawn*

Instead of writing “Hey. How’s it going? How was your day? Did you pick up that outfit you told me about? Can’t wait to see you Friday night!!! :D”, you write:

You: “Hey. How’s it going?”
Her: “……………”
You: “How was your day?”
Her: “……………”
You: “Did you pick up that outfit you told me about?”
Her: “……………”
You: “Can’t wait to see you Friday night!!! :D ”
Her: “Me Neither! :D ”

See that? Make every fourth email the important one and send her fluff in between. Simple. *yawn*

On top of that, you’re gonna look pretty stupid sitting across from him at a co-working location while he’s emailing you and you’re not responding to him. :) What’reya gonna do when he actually speaks to you? Ignore every three sentences of his so you supposedly look aloof and in demand? :D

hahaha Speaking of “in demand”, here’s a bonus tip for y’all ladies who like to date guys you work with. Do NOT sit by yourself in the park eating your lunch every day. He knows where you sit. He always checks there.. and you’re always there. Start going to the gym at lunchtime if you honestly don’t have anything to do. That way he can at least fantasize that you’re out on a date with a better man and you can get some CUAO points.

5) If you are in a long distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him

Remember, the first three visits are really nothing more than three dates… and on the first three dates we don’t have sex with a man or have him stay at our place overnight.

ok… At first, I thought this rule was really dumb and useless. It doesn’t matter who visits WHOM if the guy’s goal is to get on. It could happen in a box. It could happen with a fox. It could happen with Green Eggs & Ham for all I care.

To make this even MORE useless, all you have to do is stack your visits (see email solution, above) so you get your first three “dates” out of the way, in like, a week, and then you can get down to the nitty gritty, because you’ve jumped through the hoop and passed her test and now she feels good about herself giving up the grand prize.

This is where Flo jumped in with the critical fine-print information that “Rules Girls” aren’t supposed to accept more than one date in a week. I’m willing to take her word for that, so that DOES change the game somewhat.

That means that the long-distance guy has to make THREE SEPARATE TRIPS hahahaha to see this chick. He has to spend 3x the money on travel and housing (since a grown-ass-woman has been disallowed from having a grown-ass-man stay at her house, lest she give it up like she really wants to and spoil the whole CUAO facade).

That also means that the guy has to wait at least four weeks to get on. That’s not a problem for LDRs, because they’ll never run into you while you’re out on the town with your local ladies.

Live it up until date 4 rolls around. At that point, ease back off the chicks for a minute so when you FINALLY hook up with her, it seems like you’ve been waiting this whole time for her to get with the program. :D

6) When considering whether to use personal ads or other dating services, your should place the ad and let men respond to you

It goes back to the basic premise of The Rules: Man pursues woman. When writing your ad, remember that every man has a type, a voice or a look he likes. There has to be a spark for him that attracts him to you, something that makes him find you unexplainably special.

Spot-on advice. :D

Ladies… When it comes to online dating, put your pictures on the account, write a couple of things about yourself and eeeeeeease back! haha There’s no reason for you to TRY to get dates. Just like in real life, your presentation speaks for itself, and guys are going to feel the pressure to step to you before the next man scoops you up.

Having said that, unless you’re physically unattractive, make sure you include BODY shots in your pictures. Those “cropped so close you can only see my eyes and a little bit of hair” pictures make you look like that witch on Bugs Bunny that sneaks up rubbing her hands together, going “Drink It! Drink It!”

You’re creepy. It’s like you’re tryinn’a sneak up on a brotha like “SURPRISE!!!… I’M BUSTED!!!” :D

Cut it out. Make sure you give SOME indication of what kind of physical shape you’re in, besides selecting the checkbox for “Curvy” or “More of me to love”.

If you happen to actually be in shape, you’d better throw that “I want him to want me for my mind” garbage OUT and “Use what you got…. to get what you want!” :D

You can also help your CUAO-ness out by NOT making the same statements all the other women make on dating sites. Think up UNIQUE and INTERESTING things about yourself and write about that. If you don’t know what I mean, browse some of your competition’s pages to find the common statements.

For guys who peruse dating sites and actually read the words, it gets pretty *yawn* to keep seeing “I’m down to Earth” and “I’m not crazy”. It’s like going on JDate and reading that a gal is Jewish. Follow the ladies’ advice and create “a spark for him that attracts him to you, something that makes him find you unexplainably special”.

~Bill

Related Post(s): Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 01] | Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 03]

DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

Related Posts

• Relationship Blackmail
• Follow The Leader [Hunters, Part 02]
• How to *NOT* be a creep
• Games Without Frontiers (NYC Mercs)
• Analyzing “The Rules” [Part 03]