Bill Cammack

My friends Kathryn Jones & Charlie Oliver put together this web-a-thon, and it’ll be streaming today between 1pm and 9pm EST! :D

People are all CRYING about the $150,000 (read: One Hundred and Fifty THOUSAND Dollars) that was reportedly spent by the Republican National Committee to update Sarah Palin’s wardrobe.

Well, it’s clear to The Kid that McCain knows what’s up and that he MUST be subscribed to DatingGenius! :D

Exactly four months ago, I wrote “How To Dress Your Girlfriend”. Had I known what was going on behind the scenes, I would have called it “How To Dress Your Running Mate”, and I would have been on the CNN / Charlie Rose circuit right now.

So, Fellaz… I’m going to let you in on what Presidential hopefuls already know. This is CRITICAL information if you hope to be respected by your male peers and climb social or business ladders! Write this down! Tape it to your refrigerator if you have to! Ready? Here it comes…….

Do.NOT.Let.Your.Girl.Look.Like.A.Bum.

This is INSANELY IMPORTANT, dudes. DO not let your girl look like a bum. Spend money on HER gear before you spend on your own. Do whatever you have to do to hook HER up before hooking up yourself. You need a haircut, and she needs a hairstyle?… SHE gets it. She put on that extra 5 pounds, and doesn’t fit in clothes that used to look HAWT on her?… Buy. Her. Some. More! :D Your social status is COMPLETELY dependent upon this. If a guy’s not doing well, the FIRST indicator is that his girl’s looks start to fall off. Don’t let this happen to YOU! :D

Now, McCain *could* have continued to let her dress like “whatever”. Click here for a gallery of Sarah Palin in her normal gear. This, however, would have been an egregious mishandling of Eye Candy.

It doesn’t matter how cute your girl was or that she was a cheerleader or beauty pageant contestant or newscaster back in the day. If you’re tryinna get in the club, it matters what your girl looks like RIGHT.NOW. :D “Cute” isn’t going to get you in the door. Your chick has to look BANGIN’! so that when you walk up with her, the doormen know you’re “bout-it bout-it” and the velvet rope slides to the side without you having to say ANYTHING to them. Guys can and WILL judge you by how your chick looks, so keep her up to par, even if you have to spend a hunnid-fitty Gs of the RNC’s money! :D

Now THAT’S Pimpin’! :D

Now, in this particular case, it was extra-important for McCain to shell out the ducats. In most cases, a chick’s entire job description when you go out in public is “Look Good”. Period. You normally don’t have to worry about her being actually involved in the conversation you’re having with your boys, much less someone interviewing her or her actually having to DEBATE anyone on public television. Under these special circumstances, you want the takeaway for people to be “DAMN, She looked GOOD, didn’t she? :D ” as opposed to actually paying attention to what she said. I mean, if you were going to go the “pay attention to what she said” route, you would have selected a more qualified and less attractive female from the giddyap, right? :D

Now… As I was discussing “How To Dress Your Girlfriend” with my friend Michelle’s friend Jennifer, she crinkled up her nose and goes “Why don’t you dress YOURSELF, *FIRST*?” hahahaha :D Now, this is a legitimate question. The answer is:

I don’t have to.

It’s not the guy’s job to look good. It’s the guy’s job to make sure HIS GIRL looks good. You think I’m kidding? Look around? How many guys do you see get out of Porches looking bummy? They know they don’t have to dress up, because chicks (of a certain calibre) are going to sweat their car. Look at the “couples” you see walking around town. How many times have you seen bummy dudes with chicks “dressed to the nines”? Uh-huh. It is NOT a guy’s JOB to look good.

Even if it was, guys in general have no particular shape. All you have to do to make a guy “look good” is put a suit on him that hides his pot belly. Done deal. *yawn*. So you’re not going to hear about a hunnid-fitty Gs spent on Obama’s gear or McCain’s gear. Dressing women is like touching up art. You can’t just throw *anything* on them, because you might be SUBTRACTING from their natural beauty instead of ADDING to it.

So this is why McCain did the right thing by hookin’ a sistahs wardrobe UP! :D First of all, McCain already HAS a suit…

So, you’re not going to be able to dress him up any more than that. Spend the “hook a brotha UP!” budget on the person you’d RATHER have people looking at… Sarah Palin.

Now… Let’s say they had gone the other route. Let’s say that the RNC spent a hunnid-fitty Gs on McCAIN’S GEAR and left Palin dressing “regular”:

That would have been an INCREDIBLE error, because you’re not going to make McCain look any better, regardless of how much money you spend. With Palin, however, the sky’s the limit! :D

People are already speculating about her career path in case Obama becomes the President of the United States of America. They’re thinking she could have her own talk show. They have all this celebrity stuff planned for her. This is because the RNC did what they had to do and upped the ducats to make her look PROPPAH for the cameras! Nice work! :D

So that’s the deal, fellaz… “As goes your girl… There goes your social life”. You can look as FLY as you want, show up to the club with a bummy chick and NOT get in. OTOH, you can spend those ducats, make sure your girl’s looking HAWT, and people will see you as a man of respect who handles his business and keeps his woman satisfied.

We’ll find out on November 4, 2008 whether it’s enough to get you elected PRESIDENT!!! :D

~Bill

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Are women funny?

My sister Liz is funny, but that’s because she’s my sister and we share superior genes. Kim will catch you out there with a slew of punchlines if you get on her nerves, FRLZ, and I think Mel’s probably pretty mentally dangerous in a snap-fest, but, overall… are women FUNNY?

I know there are female comedians, and I’ve been laughing incessantly over how I can’t tell Tina Fey apart from Sarah Palin,

but… in general… are women funny? And if so… Is there “Male Humor” and “Female Humor”?

I’m thinking about this because I watched / listened to a panel of bigwigs in the internet comedy space yesterday. After they spoke, they had a Q&A session, and my homegirl Kathryn Jones got her hands on the mic…. RUH ROHHHH!!! :D

Kathryn Jones & Bill Cammack

So, basically, Kathryn asked “Where is the content BY women and the content FOR women?” and the answer was “um, uh, um, uh, um…” hahahahaha :D Kathryn’s been asking this question ever since I met her, so as soon as I saw her get the mic, I was like AWWWWW HERE WE GO!!!!! :D

The answers made sense, business-wise, and the thing to remember is that this internet stuff is business for them, not art or entertainment. If you do “art” and nobody watches it or buys ads on your content, you get fired. If you do business, and it’s the same business over and over, you get advertising dollars and you keep your job.

Basically, they said they have a demographic and they cater to it. Business 101. If the people watching your content is GUYS, then you make more content that GUYS would like so that they tell MORE GUYS to watch your videos and you grow your community and make more money.

Rocketboom had a study done a while back, which IIRC determined that a whopping 8% of their viewership was female. Of course, that has to do with Eye Candy, but that’s a different topic. The point is… well… the point, I guess, is a question… “If 92% of your viewership is male, why cater to females at all?” or, “Why not do things that affect 92% of your viewership instead of 8%?”. That’s how I was feeling during that silent period right after Kathryn asked her question and the panelists were mentally deciding who was going to address it. :)

One panelist even said that if they were going to do female-oriented content, they would have to make a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SITE! :D This and other comments that escape me right now are what got me thinking about this topic. Is there a difference between “female humor” and “male humor”? Do women (in general) get stuff that’s “funny to women” and men get stuff that’s “funny to men”?

Assuming that’s the case… In this era of niche marketing, there’s no “space” for the combination of “male and female humor”. Doing stuff to attract women will “turn off” male viewers, taking away from “the bottom line”. The question becomes whether attempting to increase the low percentage of female viewers will decrease the number of male viewers to the point that it wasn’t worth it in the first place.

The moderator had the solution… technically… which was to bring in female content creators to make videos specifically geared towards a female audience. However, this fit EXACTLY into the other two theories, which were basically “We’re going to cater to what our demographic is” and “If we’re going to ‘add’ females, we need to make a completely different site”.

On a different topic, yet the same, in a way… I ran into the same issue with my DatingGenius blog. Being a guy, I can blog all day and all night about tricks and tips for “getting girls”. It’s easy to create content for males, because all guys want to know is how to get around the artificial obstacles women throw up which prevent / delay guys from getting laid. It’s not so easy for me to create content for women, because I have to reverse-engineer it. I think to myself “What would *I* do to them?” and then figure out their defense against me and write it. The only other way I get female-oriented material is through actual discussions with my myriad homegirls and selecting common issues that they have, like why guys catcall.

Thinking about this question in terms of my own content, it’s clear to me that if I gave a damn about having female-oriented content and I knew damned well that my mind didn’t generate this stuff on its own, I would need to bring in someone who understands “female comedy” to handle that part of my business for me. This is why it was funny to hear “um, uh, um…” when Kathryn brought up the same topic she always brings up :D , because you would think that if I’VE heard the question a million times, THEY would have heard the question a BILLION times and done something about it by now.

However… Being that internet video is about “the bottom line”, viewership, eyeballs, revenue sharing, CPM, CPC etc etc etc, women may just have to wait until they’re seen as a “market” worth throwing funds at…. haha Wait… I forgot something. :D

Assuming that it’s NOT the case that there’s “male humor” and “female humor”, there should be a crossover. You should be able to make comedy shows by females that males flock to (other than because they think she looks good and don’t give a damn what she’s saying anyway) and comedy shows by males that increase the female presence in your demographic surveys.

The whole idea may be self-fulfilling. We can’t get female numbers up higher than blah blah percent, so why bother catering to them? Meanwhile, not catering to them doesn’t increase your female viewership past those traditional percentages.

I have no idea and totally don’t care what my demos are for DatingGenius. I try to mix it up and have something for tha fellaz AND tha ladiez! Then again, DG isn’t a business. It’s something I do for kicks. If I were doing it for money, haha, I might be in the same boat with the panelists, saying essentially “Our statistics haven’t show that the sector you’re asking about is worth us wasting our production money on, due to lack of ROI”.

So maybe it doesn’t matter whether women are funny or not. Even if they WERE, they’re not going to see any light unless businesses can figure out ways to make money off of them. Seems to me like a void waiting to be filled by women that are willing to create their own content, encode, post, distribute and market it THEMSELVES and take advantage while the currently established sites get caught slippin’.

~Bill

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