This season’s premiere episode of Jersey Shore was only interesting for one reason.. MTV decided to surprise the cast by bringing the people they care about together for a surprise party.

That would have been all well & good, except for Nicole’s various sexual hookups with guys and girls that were invited to the same party. :D

Witnesses For The Prosecution

As I’ve previously stated, over the last couple of seasons, Nicole has hooked up with housemates Mike, Vinny, and Deena. The latest episodes between her and Vinny and her and Deena occurred while she was in Italy last season, which means it was during the time she was dating her current (according to the timeline of the released episodes) boyfriend. This is all on videotape. :D There’s no denying any of that.

What ISN’T on videotape is that Mike said Nicole blew him recently, which was also after the time that Nicole had claimed to her boyfriend that she was sexually committed to him… Well.. Mike’s SAYING IT is on tape.. The actual activity is not on tape, which led Nicole to initially attempt to deny it, rather unsuccessfully.

This is what made this surprise reunion interesting. There are only two eye-witnesses to Nicole blowing Mike. That would be Mike’s homeboy and Nicole’s homegirl, who were hooking up with each other at the time that Nicole did her thing with Mike.

Unfortunately for Nicole, both of these witnesses were invited to the party, so she was now outnumbered 3-1, as far as people who were going to claim that she never blew Mike.

I say this because Mike’s boy was DYING to tell what he knew, and Nicole’s girl was shutting the **** up. :D .. Had there been any question, or, rather, had it actually been a lie that Nicole did what Mike said she did, Nicole would have felt brave, because she had one more person to tell the truth for her, and Mike had one more person to lie for him, and the truth would have easily won out, or at least, there would have been sufficient reasonable doubt to have people remain undecided about what actually happened.

At first, it seemed like Nicole was up for the confrontation, because she was talking all kinds of yang to Mike’s friend that has the information on her.. However, in a previous episode, she had been talking all kinds of yang to ACTUAL POLICEMEN that were escorting her drunk ass off the boardwalk to a waiting police car, so we know she completely loses her mind when she drinks.

The most telling aspect of this situation is that the next day, when Nicole was sober, Mike stepped to her and told her she should apologize to his boy for saying mean things about him…. She actually did it.

She did it because she knew she had to do it or else dude was going to spill the beans, and a) her homegirl wasn’t going to back her “I didn’t do it” play, and b) she was the only person with something to lose in that situation, because her boyfriend was the only one that didn’t know the story.

Situational Amnesia

Another interesting aspect of that party was that as much as Nicole’s boyfriend DOESN’T know about Nicole’s various sexual escapades, there’s one thing that he knew for sure, since Nicole admitted it to him. He knew damned well that Vinny had ****** his girl. :D

We know he knows, because after Nicole tells him over the phone she hooked up with Vinny (and this was edited, so who knows how the actual conversation actually happened), her boyfriend replied “Tell Vinny he’s dead!”

I understand that that was an emotional reaction. I imagine that guys are going to feel upset and temporarily irrational when their girlfriend calls them up and informs them that within the 48 hours (probably 24 hours) that she had an argument with him, she spread her legs for the next man.

I understand that he didn’t mean dead dead.. He meant to say “I’m really upset with Vinny for ******* you”. In fact, it’s not Vinny’s problem. Dude should only be upset with his girl for giving up the ass, because he had a deal with HER, and not Vinny.

The funny part about all this is that Vinny had been ******* Nicole way way way before she even met this dude she’s dating now, so he really has nothing to be upset about. He started dating a girl that was already consistently ******* some other guy. It’s too bad for him that she didn’t say that. It’s too bad for him that she didn’t tell him that as soon as she gets drunk/horny, she throws sex at just about anything that moves.

Don’t get mad at the next man because he accepts the easy sex from “your” girl. Tighten your game up, playah. >:D

Anyway… This was very interesting, because the boyfriend ends up in the same room with the guy that ****** his girl.. The same guy that he claimed was “dead” (meaning he was upset with him), and according to MTV’s edit, he never had AAAAAAAAAANY kind of conversation with Vinny. o_O

Apparently, there was no escalation of the beef, no squashing of the beef, and no discussion of the beef, whatsoever.

Nothing. \o/

Dude seemed to have completely forgotten, or completely gotten over the fact that Vinny had rather recently dicked his girlfriend down.

I mean, it was like nothing had ever happened. Dude was all lovey-dovey to Nicole, kissing on her and asking her if she was feeling ok..

Seriously, fellaz.. If you know damned well that you’re going to develop amnesia after your girl steps to the left and gets some from the next man, skip making a major scene about it on the telephone, in person, or EVER, in fact.

Just don’t bring it up. Let it slide. Recognize that you’re the type of guy that’s going to stay with your girl regardless of how many other guys are screwing her.

There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s ok. You don’t have to act like you care so that people think you’re normal.

Take it like any other information. “How was your night?… oh.. You drank until you fell down for no apparent reason, because you were standing still when you buss your ass? o_O .. oh.. You made out with some chick you just met at the bar? o_O .. oh.. You hopped in bed with your male roommate and gave him a Happy Ending because you and I had an argument several hours before that? o_O .. Glad you had fun, dear. Talk to you tomorrow.”
–
Follow Bill via Google+ | Facebook | Twitter | Email Subscription | RSS Feed

Related Posts

• Why Women Are Better Liars Than Men
• How To Deny Allegations
• “Moral Failing” In Relationships
• Single.. But Not Really
• That’s Your Man’s Problem

I’ve always loved the song “Games Without Frontiers” by Peter Gabriel. For me, the song has an incredible mix of depression and hope. There’s power and powerlessness in the face of “the game” at the same time. I never get a feeling that one person is going to “win out” over the next person. I never get the feeling that the situation will ever stabilize. To me, it’s a representation of ‘the game’ and how each person comes to the table with their own set of abilities and shortcomings and the chips fall where they may…….

*In researching, I find that there were some offensive/controversial lyrics that were changed to make the song radio-friendly.*

Mercs

I woke up this morning thinking about this song, because for me, it exemplifies the mercenary nature of dating in New York City.

We’re all ‘Mercs’. We have to be, because people throw pretty heavy ‘game’ at us, and if you’re not a shark yourself, you’ll get eaten by the sharks. It’s just plainly not as simple as people lay it out in these fairy tale relationship stories where some guy in the sticks marries his high school sweetheart or the girl he met when he went to the General Store to buy cereal and gasoline at the same location.

The ‘problem’ is that we all want something, and we’re willing to play hardball to get it. It’s honestly like a war-time scenario. I’m not proud of that or happy about it, but that’s how it is. You just have to know that when you step to a chick and introduce yourself, you’re about to get whatever she wants to give you that will further her own agenda. It’s not “the truth”. It’s not “who she really is”. It’s what she’s willing to present to you in order to get you to do what she wants you to do.

Women have to be that way, because men are that way towards them. Obviously, guys are going to say or do whatever they need to in order to get laid, which is the bottom line. All this jockeying for position is a constant quest for CONTROL of the other person, usually for two different reasons…

Control

Control is a fallacy… a fantasy… it doesn’t exist. The only person you control is yourself…… maybe.

Nevertheless, many people in relationships are fighting their “significant other” for control. Not physically fighting them, like Chris Brown & Rihanna, but mentally & emotionally waging war against each other with the hopes of breaking the other person’s will and subjugating them (Putting them in “Deep Check”).

In general, the goals of control are pretty common and redundant. The male wants to lock down sexual access to the female. The female wants to lock down “fidelity” or faithfulness from the male. This would seem to be the same thing, but it isn’t. The guy wants to make sure he can get on whenever he feels like it, therefore, he needs to block other guys from physical access to “his girl”. Women (again, in general) are more concerned with where the guy’s emotions are focused… Does he “love” her? Is she the most important woman in his life? (or, hopefully, the ONLY woman in his life) What are his future plans for the relationship? blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…..

Tactics

Now that you know what you want, it’s time to utilize tactics to get it. The woman’s goal is to make the guy feel she can live without him and force him to step up his game. The man’s goal is to make the gal believe he’s all about her, regardless of what he’s actually doing. What you end up with is lies. Regular lies and lies of omission. These are necessary, because otherwise, you arrive on the battlefield without your armor and lose immediately.

Unfortunately, what you DON’T have in this oft-repeated scenario is genuine and authentic interaction between people that are SUPPOSED to be in a friendly relationship. After a while, you get used to this and no longer expect people to be authentic with you. It’s no longer a requirement. You assume people are lying off the bat and learn to read between the lies.

This is fine for guys, because for the most part, we don’t care what women are saying anyway. Yak Yak Yak, it’s all the same as long as you’re looking good and we feel turned on by your presence.

Women have a much greater problem here, which is that they actually base their relationship status on what guys say to them. For guys, it’s basically “Who cares what she said, so long as at the end of the day, she gives it up?”. Meanwhile, all a guy has to say to a gal is “it’s over”, and she’ll honestly believe that her relationship to him is finished, just because he said so.

Effects

The effect is that we accept people on the surface, but never get deeply inside them. There’s no reason to expect people to be authentic with you upon first meeting you, so you listen to what they have to say, but don’t necessarily accept it as truth. Since we figure we’re all lying to each other, it’s an unspoken agreement that everyone’s going to check their weapons at the door. We can chat each other up and be friendly for the time being, but we all know that if we fall out of favor with each other, it’s “Get your gats and shoot it out at twenty paces”. If the chick is found to be messing with another dude… war. If the guy is found even TRYING to kick it with another chick… war.

Embargoes, no sex, no calls, no text messages, delayed returning of calls, avoidance of spending physical time together, putting each other’s business in the streets, commiseration with homies, arguments, vindictive looks, creation of jealousy… This is what you have to look forward to if you fall out of favor with someone that you’re supposedly in a “loving” relationship with.

Reactions

There are a few typical reactions to the NYC game. Some people quit the scene entirely, since they don’t want to be involved with mind-games. Some people elect to remain naive and go out like a sucker over and over in their dating careers. Other people become jaded and get down with the program, adding to the pool of sharks. The best defense is a good offense, and they’re ready, willing and able to fight fire with fire.

Ultimately, if you’re in demand in NYC, there’s no escaping ‘the game’. If people perceive you has having something they want, they’re going to come after you… There’s a domino effect here of people passing experiences and personal baggage on to other people. Of course, the media adds fuel to the fire by seeking out the worst relationship scenarios possible and putting them on the news every night. “Reality” shows (which are EXTREMELY edited and produced, thus not actually ‘reality’) do the same thing as they strive to show us the most entertaining (read: assholish) aspects of human beings’ personalities. Add that to the sheer number of people on the scene in this town, and you end up with a cycle of people who don’t actually trust each other, but are perfectly willing to call each other boyfriend & girlfriend in order to advance their own agendas.

Solutions

Strangely enough, the solution is to “Do you”. Whatever’s natural to you, that’s what you should focus on. Receive the education from the NYC game and utilize it to get tough without becoming jaded. Don’t get upset about what happens, just internalize it and learn from it and make sure you don’t go out the same way next time.

You also have the option of hopping on the Metro North Railroad and traveling out to the sticks to meet people who are still living the simple life and aren’t caught up in mercenary dating behavior.

Maybe you could start a meetup group where people practice honestly telling other people how they feel about them.

It would seem like the obvious solution is to only become involved with trustworthy people. Unfortunately, most people’s ability to judge character is WAY less refined than the snake oil salesperson’s ability to pull the wool over your eyes. It’s your own arrogance in believing that you have a proper grasp on what the other person’s capable of that blinds you and makes you even MORE susceptible to their manipulations.

This is what’s simultaneously depressing and hopeful about both the song and the dating scene. There’s a collection of powerful people involved, and it’s a game, which is fun… but it’s also a competition. Everyone’s playing, but they’re not all on the same side. One change at one end of the playing field can cause a chain reaction that someone feels far away on the other end of the field. While there’s the likelihood that several people will win, and win big… that’s probably going to mean that several people have to lose big as a consequence. The NYC dating scene is not for the faint of heart. It’s a gamble… It’s a knockout…

if looks could kill, they probably will
in Games Without Frontiers
war without tears

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
Facebook Fan Page: Bill Cammack
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

Related Posts

• Rachel on Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker”
• World In My Eyes (Happy New Year!!!)
• Bill & Cali – Lunchin’
• Your Girlfriend Is A Ho
• Rolling Disclosure

Whomever you think is the best candidate, it’s in your best interest to VOTE this Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 in the United States Presidential Election.

Bre Pettis, Justin Johnson, Clint Comer and I are all releasing new videos every weekday of November 2008, and re-releasing “old” videos every Saturday and Sunday. Check the far right sidebar for avatars with links to their videoblogs.

My first contribution is this video I made in March, 2008 which shows how to scene-match video footage using filters in Final Cut Pro. I figured I’d bring it back since the election’s so close, and it reminds me of how different things were back in March, before the Democrats or Republicans had selected their representatives and before their representatives had selected their running mates.

It’s been interesting. Let’s see what happens on the 4th! :D
~Bill

Related Posts

• President Obama Reelection Roadmap
• You’re Going To Have To Debate President Obama
• Brokered Conventions
• illdoctrine.com: A Poem For The Young Voter
• Women Love Voters! – RockStar 0002

Thanks to my friend Annie Boccio, I found out that I’m in the New York Times! :D

Bill Cammack & Annie Boccio

Slideshow (when the timer reads 1:03) => [link]

Article (which has nothing to do with The Kid, but a bunch of my friends are featured) => [link]

You Know How We DO!!! … Like Father, Like Son! :D => Link to “Bill Cammack” in the New York Times

Related Posts

• Rachel on Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker”
• Content is King, *NOW* (Eye Candy is Over)
• NYTVF: The Web Series Producers Guide
• Hire an Executive Producer (EP)
• Games Without Frontiers (NYC Mercs)