Bill Cammack

One of the reasons I don’t get involved in Pair-Bonding or Serial Monogamy is that I enjoy the spontaneity of life. I really DETEST when I know what’s going to happen the next day, or really, today’s afternoon, evening or night. The only time I know these things for sure is when I get booked to work on-site for a client. Mostly, I work off-site, so I get things done when they GET done, so long as it’s before the deadline. This means I might be working at 3am and sleeping at 1pm. I might work all the way through Saturday and Sunday and then have the weekdays completely to myself. Ultimately, I do WHAT I want to do, WHEN I want to do it, and that’s the way I like it. :D

I suppose this comes from growing up in New York City, I mean, other than genetic predisposition. :D All we did was go to school, play sports, hang out with the fellaz and chase chicks. I didn’t even drink at the time, which seems to be a “Well.. DUH” statement, except that friends of mine in 5th grade were having parties where they raided their parents’ liquor cabinets every weekend (at least), so I’ve been aware of alcohol since then, but I wasn’t interested. Chicks are my high.

So, as we were hanging out, we never knew WHAT was going to happen, but SOMETHING always happened. I suppose “the wonders of life” can become addicting when you have so many fun and interesting experiences, some fanatstic, some awful, some disgusting, but nevertheless SOMETHING always happening, and you always have “war stories” the next time you run into your friends. Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s ONE of those situations where women have their rap game seriously screwed up. :) … I mean *SRSLY*!!! hahahaha

How many women have you heard complain that a guy wants to have sex with them, or at least complain that he’s thinking about it?

I’m not talking about in a business situation. I’m talking about in dating situations. For instance, as far as online dating… How many times have you heard women complain about providing full-body pics to potential suitors? Guys they’re already kicking it to and interested in dating.

First of all… If you’re not physically attractive… Why are you trying to be slick? :) If you EVER go out with him IRL, he’s going to see what your body looks like anyway. This is one of the reasons a lot of chicks get dumped after their first date. They go to these extreme lengths to hide what they look like, thinking they can get over when the time comes on the strength of their online sales pitch.

Fellaz… Has this ever happened to YOU? HAHAHA The old “Bait & Switch”? You know… How chicks like to use mega-ancient pictures of themselves as if they still look that way? :D How about the good old “Crop The Picture As Close Around Your Eyes As Possible” trick? :D These are all grand tactics for the ladies to get virtual raps, but as soon as he actually sees you, the jig is up!

Second… Women who *ARE* actually physically attractive hide as well. The goal there is to avoid guys who “just want them for their bodies” or selected them “for their looks and not their minds” etc etc… This is all well and good if you’re looking for a debate partner. The fact of the matter is that if you’re reading dating advice, you’re probably trying to pair-bond. The only reason for PBing is sex. Notice how women tend to throw the word “just” in front of “friends” to make “just friends”? All that means is that they’re claiming that they’re not having sex with the guy in question. The barrier between being friends with a chick and being her significant other is sex. Everything else is available to everyone else. When the relationship ends, the “other” loses his significance and returns to GenPop. This is known as Serial Monogamy.

Since you’re dating with the goal of hooking up with a guy as a boyfriend or whatever, and the only delineation between friend and boyfriend is sex, it’s really in your best interest to be as attractive to potential suitors as you can, ASAP. This assists you in two MAJOR components of your rap game:

1) GETTING a man… and then
2) KEEPING a man

Except for guys that have particular fetishes, NOBODY is looking for unattractive women. Nobody. When was the last time you heard someone go “Man! She’s REEEEEEALLY BUSTED! I think I’ll go meet her! :D”? That’s right. Never. How many business owners go to lengths to make their storefronts look shabby in the hopes of getting more customers? None. So why are you hiding your looks or trying to make yourself look corny in pictures? Why not put your best foot forward? Will you end up with more creeps and trolls? Yes you will. :) You will ALSO end up with more viable suitors so you can get out of the game faster and not have to deal with any of this after you PB.

I understand that there’s an issue that women have where guys don’t pay attention to their minds AT ALL, and they’re trying to narrow the field down to guys that would talk to them anyway, IF they actually were busted. It’s like those experiments they do when they dress up attractive chicks in these sumo-wrestler-body outfits and take them to the mall and film it. The chicks find it amazing how invisible they are, because they totally didn’t believe that their physical attractiveness was what was getting them attention.

Meanwhile, MSM sells women products all day, every day, so they can get in shape and fix their hair properly and have makeup on and eat the right things and wear the right clothes for their body-type, etc. If your looks are so important to you that you spend money to maintain and enhance them, why play yourself down when it comes to meeting someone that you’re planning and HOPING to have sex with?

Then again, :) Maybe you’re NOT planning or hoping to have sex with someone you meet through online dating. The newsflash for you is that that’s called a FRIEND, and you don’t have to date to get those. :D

I’m not impressed with Serial Monogamy.

Call it what it is. You’re messing with someone, and then you’re not.

It’s interesting how some people pride themselves on only hooking up with people they’re in a relationship with… but then… getting into or out of a relationship with them is basically instantaneous. Sure… EVERY relationship ends instantaneously…. It’s ON and then it’s OFF. I’m just saying that it’s a trip how serial monogamists front like every time they’re in a relationship, it’s going to last forever, and then it doesn’t, and then the next one’s supposed to last forever. Meanwhile, they have their psychological excuse for hoing (male or female).

I was first introduced to this concept when I was around 13. Not the technical definition, of course, but the behavior as it pertains to dating. I remember asking a friend of mine about some girl, and he basically informed me that they had broken up, and now he was dating this other chick we knew. That lasted about a week, and then he was dating another chick, but meanwhile other friends of ours had switched off as well. The effect of this was that at some point, ‘everyone’ dated ‘everyone’. What was interesting about this was that there weren’t any politics involved. Politics arrived later, around 16, when people started worrying about status and popularity.

By “no politics”, I mean that there wasn’t any drama involved with a guy, friend or foe, going out with a girl you just broke up with the other day. There wasn’t any drama when she’d break up with that guy and go BACK out with some guy she dated before, or start messing with some new guy. There wasn’t any possessiveness over chicks at all. It was just you were dating someone, or you weren’t.

Once politics became involved, there was a form of status attributed to exclusive ownership of a particular person. There was also a stigma attached to people that messed around, but weren’t in relationships. As usual, because we live in a patriarchal society, the females caught the worst of this, being called hoes, tramps, sluts, easy, etc. For the guys, it’s all sport. How many chicks (if you’re interested in more than one at a time) can you keep in ‘Deep Check’ simultaneously? How many numbers can you pull? How many chicks can you screw?

The addition of politics/drama to the dating scene created the environment in which serial monogamy thrives. From the chicks’ side, they don’t want the stigma of being “loose”… by either definition, hahaha, um, anyway… so they make being in a relationship a requirement for hooking up. This way, no matter how many guys they mess with, they were always in a relationship, so it’s sanctioned, and they can’t be criticized for giving some to their boyfriends (even if she was only with each guy for a month or less… week or less?… day or less?).

Meanwhile, the guys evolved with the girls. Eventually, it became clear that this relationship thing was getting in the way of getting on, so guys learned that it was easier to lie and feign being in a relationship with a chick or three in order to keep them useful. This is one reason why relationships break up suddenly, and it seems like the guy had a ‘change of heart’. He goes from faking being in a relationship with her to not caring about her at all, instantaneously. If his incentive was sex, then as soon as he’s not interested in having sex with her anymore, or he’d much rather hook up with one of his other girlfriends, his entire demeanor towards her changes.

The worst-case scenario of this is the combination of a guy that wants a one night stand with a girl that only wants to give it up to “the right guy” or “the one”. The woman thinks she’s an excellent judge of character, so as he jumps through the hoops, she validates him. Once she decides he’s legit and “the one”, she finally gives it up… then he disappears… or, at least stops taking her calls. This doesn’t even get to the stage of serial monogamy, because his entire goal was to hit it one time… Once. There’s no way she could have known that, because there’s no way he would have TOLD her that.

For some odd reason, women think they can judge this in guys. It’s completely unfounded. How many times have you heard a woman say that she was surprised that some dude hit it and quit it? :D Compare that to the number of times that you’ve heard of a woman telling a guy she knew he was just trying to have sex with her and he admitted it.

So now, we live in this evolved culture. People still want to do what they want to do, but they don’t want to be talked about like dogs, so they find ways around their behaviors. They utilize serial monogamy to act like they’re just poor judges of character and that their relationships continually FAIL, to their great surprise and dismay. Meanwhile, to them, “significant other” simply means “the person that they publicly admit to having sex with at this point in time”. There’s nothing wrong with that, but since THEY see something wrong with it, they use these mechanisms to put up a front.

Another unbalanced aspect of serial monogamy is that women eventually face biological clock issues. The timing of this is critical, because if she’s currently dating a serial monogamist and decides she wants to have kids, there could be positive or negative consequences as a result of flipping the script. It’s entirely possible that the guy had no intentions EVER of having kids with her or moving in with her or even having sex with her once she got out of shape. Suddenly, he has the choice of honestly breaking off the relationship, as Laure suggests, or lying and acting like he’s interested in what she’s interested in so he can keep tappin’ that.

In a perfect world, he would ‘release her from her contract’ so she can go ‘get her biology on!’ :D … Then again… In a perfect world, people would Stop Frontin’ and do what they wanted to do without hiding behind meaningless titles in the first place.

Richard Blakeley wrote a post for Boinkology.com called 5 Reasons New York City Is The Neverland Of Dating. I thought I’d add a few reasons why NYC is an especially good environment for guys. :D

In his article, Richard writes:

“Here in New York City, there’s almost a stigma attached to people who actually have a boyfriend or girlfriend, as though you’re denying others of your partying time for your own selfish acts.”

This is absolutely true, and worth delaying the “list of positives” to talk about. There are too many people in NYC doing too many things. Too many people making lots of money. Too many people creating good art. Too many people that are ambitious. Too many people (by sheer numbers… not per capita) that are attractive. Too many people that go out to the nightlife scene. Too many bars. Too many opportunities… Choosing someone as a “significant other” speaks volumes about who you are as a person, or who you THINK you are… positively or negatively. Like Richard said, you’re denying others of your partying time in order to hand it over to this one person… whom you’re likely to be broken up with a few months from now anyway, but that’s a different post.

The question becomes “Why did she choose HIM?” or “I thought he had taste in women” or “I thought she had higher self-esteem than that”. Basically, whomever you choose, there’s someone “better” somwhere within a 5 block radius, because this is NYC. This leads to people either just not mentioning that they’re in a relationship at all (when they are) or selecting a Facebook status of “It’s Complicated”, which basically means “Yes, I have someone… but Yes, you still have a good chance of getting on”.

Speaking of Facebook, that’s another problem with declaring a SO. Once it’s over, you have to un-declare that person. Serial Monogamy being what it is, it’s just better policy to NOT MENTION when you’re messing with someone, so when it’s over, everything’s still status quo. So, yes… There’s definitely a stigma attached to claiming you have a BF or GF. You can HAVE THEM all you want. Just don’t bring them up in conversation. Don’t declare them on ANY social sites. Don’t have ANY pictures of them in circulation… at least “incriminating” ones.

Some people go to the length of hiding actual wives… Like women they went to a church and swore in front of a crowd of people that they were going to be faithful to this chick. It’s like if you’re friends with this person, you know they’re married, but their wife never shows up on the scene… EV*A*R. It’s like she’s a ghost or doesn’t really exist.

The reason to hide “significant others” in an environment with a high frequency of contact with attractive, available chicks is that there are lots of people who enjoy applying THEIR morals to YOUR life. All you need is some weasely chick whispering in her girlfriend’s ear that you have a girlfriend and jacking up your rap. On the other side of that, how many times have you requested information on a chick and what you receive is “oh… she has a boyfriend”. It’s like “Pay attention, stupid… that’s NOT what I asked you”. Then, they look at you all funny, as if “she has a boyfriend” is the only information they know about the chick. People tend to lose their abilities to remain objective and USEFUL when these boyfriend and girlfriend terms get thrown into the mix. It’s better for you to avoid that by keeping your personal business “out the street”.

Actually, this point stands on its own, so I’ll post MY list in “6 Reasons New York City Is The Neverland Of Dating (For Da Fellaz)”