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	<title>Bill Cammack &#187; serial monogamy</title>
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		<title>The Sense Monogamy Makes (Exclusive Relationships)</title>
		<link>http://billcammack.com/2010/11/22/the-sense-monogamy-makes-exclusive-relationships/</link>
		<comments>http://billcammack.com/2010/11/22/the-sense-monogamy-makes-exclusive-relationships/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 22 Nov 2010 11:49:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Bill Cammack</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[DatingGenius]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[biological]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[exclusive]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[illogical]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://billcammack.com/?p=9253</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I think monogamy makes sense under three conditions.. Fear, Scarcity &#038; Obsession. Fear is obvious. If you&#8217;re only hooking up with one person, you&#8217;re much less likely to catch a disease&#8230; Unless, of course, you&#8217;ve decided to become monogamous with someone that already *HAS* a disease! :D Scarcity comes into play if you don&#8217;t live [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div name="googleone_share_1" style="position:relative;z-index:5;clear:right; float: right; margin-right: 10px; margin-top:10px;"><g:plusone size="tall" count="1" href="http://billcammack.com/2010/11/22/the-sense-monogamy-makes-exclusive-relationships/"></g:plusone></div><p>I think monogamy makes sense under three conditions.. Fear, Scarcity &#038; Obsession. <span id="more-9253"></span></p>
<p>Fear is obvious.  If you&#8217;re only hooking up with one person, you&#8217;re much less likely to catch a disease&#8230; Unless, of course, you&#8217;ve decided to become monogamous with someone that already *HAS* a disease! :D</p>
<p>Scarcity comes into play if you don&#8217;t live in a place like New York City where there are <a href=http://billcammack.com/2008/04/04/womens-guide-to-nyc-dating/">210,820 more single women than men</a>.  If you don&#8217;t have infinite female turnover, it makes sense to select the best chick you can get your hands on and stick with her.</p>
<p>Obsession is my personal favorite.  If you happen to be obsessed with a gal, you want to see her over and over, all the time, every day.. You can&#8217;t get enough of her and hate falling asleep because then you have to wait to experience her some more. >:D</p>
<p>I would have added a fourth category, &#8220;Family Planning&#8221;, except we have enough examples where guys plan families without planning monogamy.</p>
<h3>Business Is Business</h3>
<p><a href="http://billcammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Bill-Cammack-Channeling.jpg" title="Bill Cammack"><img alt="Bill Cammack" src="http://billcammack.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Bill-Cammack-Channeling.jpg" style="float:left" width="250"></a>Other than that,  monogamy doesn&#8217;t make any sense at all.</p>
<p>It just so happens to come into play because women have been trained to request it and men have been trained to either agree to it or fake agreeing to it in order to get laid.  It&#8217;s all in The Game&#8230; Unless it isn&#8217;t.</p>
<p>If you&#8217;re not willing to play the &#8220;I&#8217;m only hooking up with you&#8221; game, just opt-out.. verbally and clearly.  Make sure she understands how you operate and what you&#8217;re willing to trade her (read: NOTHING) in order to get her to be who she already wants to be for you.</p>
<p>If she likes you but is holding out for some kind of commitment from you, acknowledge that and let her hold out.  There are only another 210,819 chicks that might want to hook up with you.  If she comes around, she comes around.  If she doesn&#8217;t, it&#8217;s literally not even a drop in the bucket.  1/210,000 rounds off to 0% (closer to 0/100 than 1/100).  If she decides to deprive herself of experiencing her own natural instincts and desires, you&#8217;re losing, literally, nothing at all.</p>
<p>Of course, lots of guys don&#8217;t play it this way.  The order of the day is <a href="http://billcammack.com/2006/12/11/fake-it-till-you-make-it-d/">&#8220;Fake It, &#8216;Till You Make It&#8221;</a>.  Every gal you&#8217;re working on, you act as if she&#8217;s your only girlfriend.  This isn&#8217;t ethical, but it&#8217;s efficient and works like a charm.  On top of that, if one of your chicks finds out about another one and bounces, that just frees up more time for you to spend with your other chicks. \o/</p>
<h3>Why Is He Monogamous?</h3>
<p>I think it&#8217;s important for women to understand WHY a guy&#8217;s being monogamous with them.  OH! haha Just thought of a fourth category! :D</p>
<p>Some guys are monogamous with gals because the sex is infinitely better.</p>
<p>If hooking up with other chicks pales in comparison, there&#8217;s no point in putting in the effort associated with bagging them.  This could be because sex with your top chick is physically better, or you get more emotional content from &#8216;making love&#8217; to this particular woman, or y&#8217;all are into the same kink.. or you&#8217;re *NOT* into the same kink, but she&#8217;s willing to do it with you because she&#8217;s down for you like that. >;D</p>
<p>BTW.. The slang term for a guy that&#8217;s hooked on having sex with one particular woman is &#8220;Sprung&#8221;.</p>
<p>So, Yeah.. It&#8217;s important for a gal to know WHY her boyfriend or whatever is being monogamous with her.  This way, she&#8217;s less likely to get blindsided when something changes about their relationship and he&#8217;s hookin&#8217; up with the next chick, whether he announces this to her or not.</p>
<p>If it&#8217;s Fear.. When he meets another gal he trusts and believes is &#8216;clean&#8217;, he might be in there like Belvedere.</p>
<p>If it&#8217;s Scarcity.. When he travels or new chicks arrive in town permanently or temporarily, he might decide to try them out.</p>
<p>If he&#8217;s sprung.. He may or may not be willing to hook up with chicks when new opportunities arise.  If he doesn&#8217;t enjoy it more than his main girl, he&#8217;ll be back in the saddle, ASAP.</p>
<p>If it&#8217;s Obsession.. He might not pay any attention at all to new chicks, even if they&#8217;re cuter than his girl or have better bodies or whatever.  Any time he spends with other women qualifies as downtime, and worth way less than time he spends with the chick he&#8217;s obsessed with.</p>
<h3>What About Love?</h3>
<p>Of course, the women who are still reading this are wondering &#8220;How come he didn&#8217;t mention LOVE??? :(&#8221;</p>
<p>Well.. Unfortunately.. Just because a guy loves you doesn&#8217;t mean he&#8217;s only going to have sex with YOU, and just because he&#8217;s only having sex with you doesn&#8217;t mean he loves you.</p>
<p>On top of that, &#8220;I love you&#8221; is used to great effect to cloud women&#8217;s minds and make y&#8217;all give it up faster.  We can say it without meaning it and we can feel it without saying it.</p>
<p>For me, Love translates to appreciating someone on a very deep level for whom I&#8217;ve experienced them as, and wanting the absolute best for them in their lives.  I might even want a gal I love to EXPERIENCE monogamy, except not with me. :D  In fact, I&#8217;ll assist in facilitating monogamy for her so that she can be happy, since we&#8217;re not playing the same game.  I think loving someone involves wanting the best for someone, even if that&#8217;s not the best thing FOR YOU.</p>
<p>So.. No.. Unless we stipulate that Love leads to Obsession, I don&#8217;t think that love has anything to do with monogamy at all.</p>
<p>If a guy loves a gal and he&#8217;s OBSESSED with her, he&#8217;s not going to be interested in hooking up with random chicks.  If he loves her and he FEARS her leaving him, he&#8217;s not going to ACT on his desires to mess with other chicks.  If he loves her and women are SCARCE in his area, he might not have the opportunity to come into contact with other gals he physically desires.  If he&#8217;s SPRUNG, he just went out like that! HAHAHA \o/</p>
<p>Does monogamy make sense to you?  If so, Why?.. What do you think? o_O<br />
&#8211;<br />
<a href="http://billcammack.com/" title="billcammack.com"><img align="center" style="background-color: white; border:0px; padding: 0px" src="http://billcammack.com/images/icons/billcammack.png" width="32" height="32" alt="billcammack.com"></a> Connect with <a href="http://billcammack.com/">Bill</a> via <a href="http://facebook.com/BillCammack" rel="me"title="facebook.com/BillCammack">Facebook</a>, <a href="http://twitter.com/BillCammack" rel="me" title="twitter.com/BillCammack">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.linkedin.com/in/billcammack" rel="me" title="www.linkedin.com/in/billcammack">LinkedIn</a>, <a href="http://www.myspace.com/reelsolidtv" rel="me" title="myspace.com/reelsolidtv">MySpace</a>, <a href="http://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailverify?uri=billcammack&#038;loc=en_US" rel="me" title="Bill Cammack email subscription">Email Subscription</a>, <a href="http://billcammack.com/feed/" rel="me" title="Bill Cammack RSS feed">RSS</a><br clear="left"></p>
<h3  class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post"><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2011/05/07/why-cant-get-boyfriend-nyc/" title="Why You Can&#8217;t Get A Boyfriend In NYC">Why You Can&#8217;t Get A Boyfriend In NYC</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2009/10/13/big-city-dating-meet-the-parents/" title="Big City Dating (Meet The Parents)">Big City Dating (Meet The Parents)</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2012/05/15/how-to-approach-women/" title="How To Approach Women">How To Approach Women</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2009/12/31/world-in-my-eyes-happy-new-year/" title="World In My Eyes (Happy New Year!!!)">World In My Eyes (Happy New Year!!!)</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2009/11/01/running-dogs/" title="Running Dogs">Running Dogs</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Planners vs. Spontaneous People</title>
		<link>http://billcammack.com/2009/04/14/planners-vs-spontaneous-people/</link>
		<comments>http://billcammack.com/2009/04/14/planners-vs-spontaneous-people/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:48:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Bill Cammack</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://billcammack.com/?p=4649</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[One of the reasons I don&#8217;t get involved in Pair-Bonding or Serial Monogamy is that I enjoy the spontaneity of life. I really DETEST when I know what&#8217;s going to happen the next day, or really, today&#8217;s afternoon, evening or night. The only time I know these things for sure is when I get booked [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div name="googleone_share_1" style="position:relative;z-index:5;clear:right; float: right; margin-right: 10px; margin-top:10px;"><g:plusone size="tall" count="1" href="http://billcammack.com/2009/04/14/planners-vs-spontaneous-people/"></g:plusone></div><p>One of the reasons I don&#8217;t get involved in <a href="http://billcammack.com/?s=pair+bond&#038;x=0&#038;y=0">Pair-Bonding</a> or <a href="http://billcammack.com/?s=serial+monogamy&#038;x=0&#038;y=0">Serial Monogamy</a> is that I enjoy the spontaneity of life.  I really DETEST when I know what&#8217;s going to happen the next day, or really, today&#8217;s afternoon, evening or night.  The only time I know these things for sure is when I get booked to work on-site for a client.  Mostly, I work off-site, so I get things done when they GET done, so long as it&#8217;s before the deadline.  This means I might be working at 3am and sleeping at 1pm.  I might work all the way through Saturday and Sunday and then have the weekdays completely to myself.  Ultimately, I do WHAT I want to do, WHEN I want to do it, and that&#8217;s the way I like it. :D</p>
<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/billcammack/961956462/" title="Bill &amp; KV by Bill Cammack"><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1384/961956462_69a67b1c79_m.jpg" width="240" height="210" alt="Bill &amp; KV" /></a>I suppose this comes from growing up in New York City, I mean, other than genetic predisposition. :D  All we did was go to school, play sports, hang out with the fellaz and chase chicks.  I didn&#8217;t even drink at the time, which seems to be a &#8220;Well.. DUH&#8221; statement, except that friends of mine in 5th grade were having parties where they raided their parents&#8217; liquor cabinets every weekend (at least), so I&#8217;ve been aware of alcohol since then, but I wasn&#8217;t interested.  Chicks are my high.</p>
<p>So, as we were hanging out, we never knew WHAT was going to happen, but SOMETHING always happened.  I suppose &#8220;the wonders of life&#8221; can become addicting when you have so many fun and interesting experiences, some fanatstic, some awful, some disgusting, but nevertheless SOMETHING always happening, and you always have &#8220;war stories&#8221; the next time you run into your friends.  <span id="more-4649"></span></p>
<p>Mixing all these elements together.. My taste in chicks is different from day to day&#8230; Really, from minute to minute. :D  All I really know is that I&#8217;m turned on by her&#8230; RIGHT NOW&#8230; or I&#8217;m not.  Also, being attracted to Chick[x] doesn&#8217;t preclude me from simultaneously being attracted to her best friend, her sister and her mother, provided they&#8217;ve &#8220;got it like that&#8221;.  Other than an extraordinary circumstance, like when I was with my ex for over three years, I&#8217;m completely disinterested in seeing the same chick every day.</p>
<p>Of course, lots of guys feel this way and they <a href="http://billcammack.com/2006/12/11/fake-it-till-you-make-it-d/" rel="nofollow">&#8220;Fake it &#8217;till they make it&#8221;</a>, feigning relationships to women in order to lock down guaranteed access to sex with them while mentally remaining single.  If you&#8217;re not physically spending time with your so-called <a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/06/01/significant-others/">&#8220;significant other&#8221;</a> every day, it&#8217;s easy enough to carry on several of these &#8220;relationships&#8221; at a time.  One chick gets the weekend and another one gets Tuesday &#038; Wednesday.  I&#8217;ve actually gone off on a tangent, haha&#8230;</p>
<p>The upside of the spontaneous lifestyle is that there&#8217;s always action, at least in a town like New York City.  There&#8217;s ALWAYS something to do or be involved in.  It&#8217;s just an issue of whether you want to bother to do it or not.  The downside is that the outcome isn&#8217;t guaranteed.  The end of the night can be a complete ZERO, whereas the guy who pair-bonded is gleefully <a href="http://billcammack.com/2007/11/10/take-her-to-the-book-store/">reading books with his girlfriend</a> like he likes to do every single evening.  The thing about this is that even with the night ENDING as a zero, it actually WASN&#8217;T a zero, because I was in the game the whole time.  I was striving for something good to happen, and that&#8217;s what keeps me interested, thinking and motivated.</p>
<p>This is also what I enjoy about spontaneous days.  Anything could happen.  After I write this, I might edit a video I shot yesterday.  I might shoot some more today to get &#8220;coverage&#8221;, and I also realized that I didn&#8217;t get to shoot segments I wanted because it took me so long to get the basics recorded.  I might hang out with a friend for lunch.  I might go out later this evening.  I might be contacted for emergency work that someone needs done by tomorrow and agree to spend my day making that happen.  I might eat pizza.  I might have a brew or six.  I may have ALREADY done BOTH today! ;)  I might spend time with people I already know.  I might meet a completely new chick today that changes my opinion about what I want to do tomorrow&#8230;&#8230;</p>
<h2>Planners</h2>
<p>This is why I don&#8217;t get along well with &#8220;planners&#8221;.  A planner is someone who you can ask &#8220;What&#8217;s New?&#8221; and receive a detailed list of what they&#8217;re going to do and where they&#8217;re going to be for the next entire week.</p>
<p>I was in contact with a friend of mine, like on a Friday or something, and she says &#8220;Let&#8217;s hang out next Monday&#8221;.  So I&#8217;m like &#8220;You mean Monday coming up, or the Monday AFTER that?&#8221;.  She says the Monday after that, to which I replied something that equated to &#8220;Good luck with that.&#8221; :D  I knew that I would have been able to retain in memory a hangout with her a couple of days from when we were talking, but over a week was entirely impossible.  I ended up talking with another chick that &#8220;Next Monday&#8221; morning, who asked me if I was going out with anyone that night.  I thought about it for a few seconds and was like &#8220;nope&#8221;.  Later that evening, around 6pm, the planner chick contacted me, talkin&#8217; &#8217;bout &#8220;Are we still getting together tonight?&#8221;.  Needless to say, that was a WRAP, because I had most likely forgotten about her a few hours (?minutes?) after finding out she wanted to hang out more than a week from when I was talking to her.</p>
<h2>Feelings</h2>
<p>The reason why I do just about *anything* is &#8220;Because I Felt Like It&#8221;.  An idea is brought up to me, and it occurs to me as something compelling or it doesn&#8217;t.  If I&#8217;m interested&#8230; If I can FEEL it&#8230; I&#8217;m likely to go for it.  Unfortunately, there&#8217;s a statute of limitations on what I can feel, haha.  Interests become temporary as they&#8217;re replaced with a new and more immediate focus.</p>
<p>This is my problem with planners.  At the time that I&#8217;m talking to them, I&#8217;m interested in seeing them.  There&#8217;s NO TELLING what I&#8217;m going to feel at the time that our &#8220;plan&#8221; comes around.  The only good thing about it is that you DEFINITELY have ownership of their time for that particular period, because they&#8217;ve blocked other people from that time other than yourself.  The problem with owning that time is that by the time it rolls around, I&#8217;m no longer interested in it.  In its current state, it&#8217;s &#8220;something to do&#8221; which is way less appealing than many other things to do that I can actually FEEL at that particular point in time.</p>
<p>Another problem with planners is that regardless of how much of a good time you have with them, you know you won&#8217;t be picking that up for another two or three weeks (read: an entire lifetime).  It&#8217;s rather weird in a town where you can meet a girl any day of the week or EVERY day of the week to consider &#8220;Next month, on the 14th, I&#8217;m going to spend time with Chick[x]&#8220;.  It just doesn&#8217;t compute.  There&#8217;s no value to that particular day over all the days in between, where you&#8217;re spending time with women that want to spend time with you, and even if you&#8217;re not, at least you&#8217;re &#8216;in the game&#8217;, LOOKING for them! :D</p>
<h2>Alarms</h2>
<p>The obvious question is &#8220;Why don&#8217;t you use alarms/calendars to keep up with these future events?&#8221;.  The obvious answer is that all that would do is remind me about something that I wasn&#8217;t feeling anymore, which is intrinsically useless to me.  That would be like reminding myself to eat steak for lunch on Tuesday, and then when Tuesday rolls around, I want pepperoni pizza.  What am I supposed to do?  Eat steak because I made that decision DAYS AGO, or eat pizza because I feel like it right now?  Pizza Wins! :D</p>
<p>Granted, there are times that it&#8217;s best to &#8216;take one for the team&#8217; and agree to future engagements, knowing full well that you&#8217;re not going to be interested when that time rolls around.  Sometimes, it&#8217;s better to spend a few hours together two weeks from now than not to spend any time at all, and hope that you&#8217;ll be able to rev up to your A-Game under less-than-optimum social circumstances.</p>
<h2>Vice Versa</h2>
<p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/billcammack/754294729/" title="Chillin' in Brooklyn by Bill Cammack"><img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1193/754294729_766eaaec65_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="Chillin' in Brooklyn" /></a>Meanwhile, spontaneous people like me are insanely annoying to planners. :D  All the time, probably every single day, someone asks me &#8220;What are you doing on such and such a date?&#8221; and my answer, invariably is &#8220;I dont&#8217; know&#8221;, unless I already have something to do on that day.  So the only two options are &#8220;Maybe you can get that time, check back with me in the future&#8221; or &#8220;You can&#8217;t get it&#8221;.  The reason is that I&#8217;m *ALWAYS* going to go with the flow, unless someone&#8217;s paying me to do otherwise.</p>
<p>If you told me about an event two weeks ago and someone informs me of something 3 hours before your event starts that I&#8217;m feeling more than that, you won&#8217;t see me.  If I told you I was going to have lunch with you, and a client calls and wants to book time today, you won&#8217;t see me (assuming I actually feel like doing the work).  Obviously, this unreliability spirals into the lack of desire by the planner to make plans with a spontaneous individual, because the plans are never actually confirmed until the last minute.</p>
<p>Personally, I find it tough to bring my A-Game to situations I&#8217;m not interested in.  This is another problem for planners, because they&#8217;re not likely to experience THE BEST of the spontaneous person they&#8217;ve scheduled time with.  They&#8217;re not likely to hit that peak of interest where I&#8217;m REALLY focused on them and intent on showing them a grand time.</p>
<p>Planners also find it annoying that spontaneous people don&#8217;t want to make plans with them.  How am I supposed to know TODAY that I want to see you next month on the 14th?  I don&#8217;t.. And if I&#8217;m being honest with you, I&#8217;ll pencil in something tentative with you and not confirm until I&#8217;m honestly willing to commit to the date and time.  Meanwhile, there are lots of guys that are willing to plan, plan, plan their entire social calendar, so planning females end up spending more time with planning males.</p>
<h2>Solutions</h2>
<p>I think the solution between a planner and a spontaneous person is to agree to disagree, for better or for worse.  If the VALUE is there, on both sides, then compromises will be made and they&#8217;ll spend time together when they spend time together.  If the value ISN&#8217;T there, it&#8217;s like &#8220;who cares?&#8221;.  The spontaneous person keeps inviting the planner to things they never go to on the spur of the moment and the planner keeps inviting the spontaneous person to future events that they never confirm, until one of them gets bored with the process and drops it altogether.</p>
<p>Actually, this is a good time to bring back the tangent I went off on earlier.  Women who are planners have the problem of guys knowing where they&#8217;re going to be at all times.  This makes it much easier to date multiple chicks, because there&#8217;s no concern that Chick[x] is going to show up while you&#8217;re kickin&#8217; it with Chick[y].  It&#8217;s much tougher to &#8220;cheat&#8221; on spontaneous chicks, because they call or text you while you&#8217;re doin&#8217; the do, and then they want to know why it took you eight hours to return their messages, haha :D</p>
<p>Ultimately, I think planners are better as SOs, because once you can get them to plan their entire lives around YOU, it&#8217;s a wrap.  Spontaneous people are always liable to do something you didn&#8217;t want them to do, just because they felt like it at the time.  It seems to me that two planners hooking up should have long-term potential, while two spontaneous people might make some sporadic and interesting sparks, but ultimately forget about each other as they head in different directions to chase that next high.</p>
<p>So, are you spontaneous, or a planner?&#8230; How&#8217;s that workin&#8217; for ya? :D</p>
<p>~<a href="http://billcammack.com/" title="Bill Cammack">Bill</a></p>
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<h3  class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post"><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2010/11/22/the-sense-monogamy-makes-exclusive-relationships/" title="The Sense Monogamy Makes (Exclusive Relationships)">The Sense Monogamy Makes (Exclusive Relationships)</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2012/05/22/men-buy-sex/" title="Men Buy Sex">Men Buy Sex</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2012/05/15/how-to-approach-women/" title="How To Approach Women">How To Approach Women</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2012/04/19/boys-club-of-america/" title="Boys&#8217; Club of America">Boys&#8217; Club of America</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2012/04/15/sour-wingmen/" title="Sour Wingmen">Sour Wingmen</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Sex Objects</title>
		<link>http://billcammack.com/2008/05/12/sex-objects/</link>
		<comments>http://billcammack.com/2008/05/12/sex-objects/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 12 May 2008 14:50:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Bill Cammack</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://billcammack.com/?p=902</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Here&#8217;s ONE of those situations where women have their rap game seriously screwed up. :) &#8230; I mean *SRSLY*!!! hahahaha How many women have you heard complain that a guy wants to have sex with them, or at least complain that he&#8217;s thinking about it? I&#8217;m not talking about in a business situation. I&#8217;m talking [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div name="googleone_share_1" style="position:relative;z-index:5;clear:right; float: right; margin-right: 10px; margin-top:10px;"><g:plusone size="tall" count="1" href="http://billcammack.com/2008/05/12/sex-objects/"></g:plusone></div><p>Here&#8217;s ONE of those situations where women have their rap game seriously screwed up. :) &#8230; I mean *SRSLY*!!! hahahaha</p>
<p>How many women have you heard complain that a guy wants to have sex with them, or at least complain that he&#8217;s thinking about it?</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not talking about in a business situation.  I&#8217;m talking about in dating situations.  For instance, as far as online dating&#8230; How many times have you heard women complain about providing full-body pics to potential suitors?  Guys they&#8217;re already kicking it to and interested in dating.</p>
<p>First of all&#8230; If you&#8217;re not physically attractive&#8230; Why are you trying to be slick? :)  If you EVER go out with him IRL, he&#8217;s going to see what your body looks like anyway.  This is one of the reasons a lot of chicks get dumped after their first date.  They go to these extreme lengths to hide what they look like, thinking they can get over when the time comes on the strength of their online sales pitch.</p>
<p>Fellaz&#8230; Has this ever happened to YOU? HAHAHA The old &#8220;Bait &#038; Switch&#8221;?  You know&#8230; How chicks like to use mega-ancient pictures of themselves as if they still look that way? :D  How about the good old &#8220;Crop The Picture As Close Around Your Eyes As Possible&#8221; trick? :D  These are all grand tactics for the ladies to get virtual raps, but as soon as he actually sees you, the jig is up!</p>
<p>Second&#8230; Women who *ARE* actually physically attractive hide as well.  The goal there is to avoid guys who &#8220;just want them for their bodies&#8221; or selected them &#8220;for their looks and not their minds&#8221; etc etc&#8230;  This is all well and good if you&#8217;re looking for a debate partner.  The fact of the matter is that if you&#8217;re reading dating advice, you&#8217;re probably trying to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pair_bond">pair-bond</a>.  The only reason for PBing is sex.  Notice how women tend to throw the word &#8220;just&#8221; in front of &#8220;friends&#8221; to make &#8220;just friends&#8221;?  All that means is that they&#8217;re claiming that they&#8217;re not having sex with the guy in question.  The barrier between being friends with a chick and being her significant other is sex.  Everything else is available to everyone else.  When the relationship ends, the &#8220;other&#8221; loses his significance and returns to GenPop.  This is known as <a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/05/12/serial-monogamy/">Serial Monogamy</a>.</p>
<p>Since you&#8217;re dating with the goal of hooking up with a guy as a boyfriend or whatever, and the only delineation between friend and boyfriend is sex, it&#8217;s really in your best interest to be as attractive to potential suitors as you can, ASAP.  This assists you in two MAJOR components of your rap game:</p>
<p>1) GETTING a man&#8230; and then<br />
2) KEEPING a man</p>
<p>Except for guys that have particular fetishes, NOBODY is looking for unattractive women.  Nobody.  When was the last time you heard someone go &#8220;Man!  She&#8217;s REEEEEEALLY BUSTED!  I think I&#8217;ll go meet her! :D&#8221;?  That&#8217;s right.  Never.  How many business owners go to lengths to make their storefronts look shabby in the hopes of getting more customers?  None.  So why are you hiding your looks or trying to make yourself look corny in pictures?  Why not put your best foot forward?  Will you end up with more creeps and trolls?  Yes you will. :)  You will ALSO end up with more viable suitors so you can get out of the game faster and not have to deal with any of this after you PB.</p>
<p>I understand that there&#8217;s an issue that women have where guys don&#8217;t pay attention to their minds AT ALL, and they&#8217;re trying to narrow the field down to guys that would talk to them anyway, IF they actually were busted.  It&#8217;s like those experiments they do when they dress up attractive chicks in these sumo-wrestler-body outfits and take them to the mall and film it.  The chicks find it amazing how invisible they are, because they totally didn&#8217;t believe that their physical attractiveness was what was getting them attention.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, MSM sells women products all day, every day, so they can get in shape and fix their hair properly and have makeup on and eat the right things and wear the right clothes for their body-type, etc.  If your looks are so important to you that you spend money to maintain and enhance them, why play yourself down when it comes to meeting someone that you&#8217;re planning and HOPING to have sex with?</p>
<p>Then again, :)  Maybe you&#8217;re NOT planning or hoping to have sex with someone you meet through online dating.  The newsflash for you is that that&#8217;s called a FRIEND, and you don&#8217;t have to date to get those. :D</p>
<h3  class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post"><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2007/06/04/do-guys-really-care-how-chicks-look/" title="Do guys really care how chicks look?">Do guys really care how chicks look?</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/02/27/does-it-matter-what-women-think/" title="Does it matter what women think?">Does it matter what women think?</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/01/27/thou-shalt-not-drink-soda-with-pop-rocks/" title="Thou Shalt Not Drink Soda With Pop Rocks!">Thou Shalt Not Drink Soda With Pop Rocks!</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/01/03/purely-looks/" title="Purely Looks">Purely Looks</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2007/08/20/tips-for-the-ladies/" title="Tips For The Ladies">Tips For The Ladies</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Serial Monogamy</title>
		<link>http://billcammack.com/2008/05/12/serial-monogamy/</link>
		<comments>http://billcammack.com/2008/05/12/serial-monogamy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 12 May 2008 12:06:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Bill Cammack</dc:creator>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://billcammack.com/?p=901</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m not impressed with Serial Monogamy. Call it what it is. You&#8217;re messing with someone, and then you&#8217;re not. It&#8217;s interesting how some people pride themselves on only hooking up with people they&#8217;re in a relationship with&#8230; but then&#8230; getting into or out of a relationship with them is basically instantaneous. Sure&#8230; EVERY relationship ends [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div name="googleone_share_1" style="position:relative;z-index:5;clear:right; float: right; margin-right: 10px; margin-top:10px;"><g:plusone size="tall" count="1" href="http://billcammack.com/2008/05/12/serial-monogamy/"></g:plusone></div><p>I&#8217;m not impressed with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serial_monogamy" rel="nofollow">Serial Monogamy</a>.</p>
<p>Call it what it is.  You&#8217;re messing with someone, and then you&#8217;re not.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s interesting how some people pride themselves on only hooking up with people they&#8217;re in a relationship with&#8230; but then&#8230; getting into or out of a relationship with them is basically instantaneous.  Sure&#8230; EVERY relationship ends instantaneously&#8230;. It&#8217;s ON and then it&#8217;s OFF.  I&#8217;m just saying that it&#8217;s a trip how serial monogamists front like every time they&#8217;re in a relationship, it&#8217;s going to last forever, and then it doesn&#8217;t, and then the next one&#8217;s supposed to last forever.  Meanwhile, they have their psychological excuse for hoing (male or female).</p>
<p>I was first introduced to this concept when I was around 13.  Not the technical definition, of course, but the behavior as it pertains to dating.  I remember asking a friend of mine about some girl, and he basically informed me that they had broken up, and now he was dating this other chick we knew.  That lasted about a week, and then he was dating another chick, but meanwhile other friends of ours had switched off as well.  The effect of this was that at some point, &#8216;everyone&#8217; dated &#8216;everyone&#8217;.  What was interesting about this was that there weren&#8217;t any politics involved.  Politics arrived later, around 16, when people started worrying about status and popularity.</p>
<p>By &#8220;no politics&#8221;, I mean that there wasn&#8217;t any drama involved with a guy, friend or foe, going out with a girl you just broke up with the other day.  There wasn&#8217;t any drama when she&#8217;d break up with that guy and go BACK out with some guy she dated before, or start messing with some new guy.  There wasn&#8217;t any possessiveness over chicks at all.  It was just you were dating someone, or you weren&#8217;t.</p>
<p>Once politics became involved, there was a form of status attributed to exclusive ownership of a particular person.  There was also a stigma attached to people that messed around, but weren&#8217;t in relationships.  As usual, because we live in a patriarchal society, the females caught the worst of this, being called hoes, tramps, sluts, easy, etc.  For the guys, it&#8217;s all sport.  How many chicks (if you&#8217;re interested in more than one at a time) can you keep in &#8216;Deep Check&#8217; simultaneously?  How many numbers can you pull?  How many chicks can you screw?</p>
<p>The addition of politics/drama to the dating scene created the environment in which serial monogamy thrives.  From the chicks&#8217; side, they don&#8217;t want the stigma of being &#8220;loose&#8221;&#8230; by either definition, hahaha, um, anyway&#8230; so they make being in a relationship a requirement for hooking up.  This way, no matter how many guys they mess with, they were always in a relationship, so it&#8217;s sanctioned, and they can&#8217;t be criticized for giving some to their boyfriends (even if she was only with each guy for a month or less&#8230; week or less?&#8230; day or less?).</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the guys evolved with the girls.  Eventually, it became clear that this relationship thing was getting in the way of getting on, so guys learned that it was easier to lie and feign being in a relationship with a chick or three in order to keep them useful.  This is one reason why relationships break up suddenly, and it seems like the guy had a &#8216;change of heart&#8217;.  He goes from faking being in a relationship with her to not caring about her at all, instantaneously.  If his incentive was sex, then as soon as he&#8217;s not interested in having sex with her anymore, or he&#8217;d much rather hook up with one of his other girlfriends, his entire demeanor towards her changes.</p>
<p>The worst-case scenario of this is the combination of a guy that wants a one night stand with a girl that only wants to give it up to &#8220;the right guy&#8221; or &#8220;the one&#8221;.  The woman thinks she&#8217;s an excellent judge of character, so as he jumps through the hoops, she validates him.  Once she decides he&#8217;s legit and &#8220;the one&#8221;, she finally gives it up&#8230; then he disappears&#8230; or, at least stops taking her calls.  This doesn&#8217;t even get to the stage of serial monogamy, because his entire goal was to hit it one time&#8230; Once.  There&#8217;s no way she could have known that, because there&#8217;s no way he would have TOLD her that.</p>
<p>For some odd reason, women think they can judge this in guys.  It&#8217;s completely unfounded.  How many times have you heard a woman say that she was surprised that some dude hit it and quit it? :D  Compare that to the number of times that you&#8217;ve heard of a woman telling a guy she knew he was just trying to have sex with her and he admitted it.</p>
<p>So now, we live in this evolved culture.  People still want to do what they want to do, but they don&#8217;t want to be talked about like dogs, so they find ways around their behaviors.  They utilize serial monogamy to act like they&#8217;re just poor judges of character and that their relationships continually FAIL, to their great surprise and dismay.  Meanwhile, to them, &#8220;significant other&#8221; simply means &#8220;the person that they publicly admit to having sex with at this point in time&#8221;.  There&#8217;s nothing wrong with that, but since THEY see something wrong with it, they use these mechanisms to put up a front.</p>
<p>Another unbalanced aspect of serial monogamy is that women eventually face biological clock issues.  The timing of this is critical, because if she&#8217;s currently dating a serial monogamist and decides she wants to have kids, there could be positive or negative consequences as a result of flipping the script.  It&#8217;s entirely possible that the guy had no intentions EVER of having kids with her or moving in with her or even having sex with her once she got out of shape.  Suddenly, he has the choice of honestly breaking off the relationship, <a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/03/12/how-to-break-up-with-your-girl/#comments">as Laure suggests</a>, or lying and acting like he&#8217;s interested in what she&#8217;s interested in so he can keep tappin&#8217; that.</p>
<p>In a perfect world, he would &#8216;release her from her contract&#8217; so she can go &#8216;get her biology on!&#8217; :D &#8230; Then again&#8230; In a perfect world, people would Stop Frontin&#8217; and do what they wanted to do without hiding behind meaningless titles in the first place.</p>
<h3  class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post"><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/03/27/truth-vs-relationships/" title="Truth vs. Relationships">Truth vs. Relationships</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/02/17/life-isnt-fair/" title="Life Isn&#8217;t Fair">Life Isn&#8217;t Fair</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2007/09/20/excuses-excuses/" title="Excuses, Excuses">Excuses, Excuses</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2007/06/09/sand-to-the-beach/" title="Sand to the Beach">Sand to the Beach</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2007/06/04/do-guys-really-care-how-chicks-look/" title="Do guys really care how chicks look?">Do guys really care how chicks look?</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Why Are You Hiding Your Significant Other?</title>
		<link>http://billcammack.com/2008/04/15/why-are-you-hiding-your-significant-other/</link>
		<comments>http://billcammack.com/2008/04/15/why-are-you-hiding-your-significant-other/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:22:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Bill Cammack</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Richard Blakeley wrote a post for Boinkology.com called 5 Reasons New York City Is The Neverland Of Dating. I thought I&#8217;d add a few reasons why NYC is an especially good environment for guys. :D In his article, Richard writes: &#8220;Here in New York City, there&#8217;s almost a stigma attached to people who actually have [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div name="googleone_share_1" style="position:relative;z-index:5;clear:right; float: right; margin-right: 10px; margin-top:10px;"><g:plusone size="tall" count="1" href="http://billcammack.com/2008/04/15/why-are-you-hiding-your-significant-other/"></g:plusone></div><p>Richard Blakeley wrote a post for Boinkology.com called <a href="http://boinkology.com/2008/04/11/5-reasons-new-york-city-is-the-neverland-of-dating/">5 Reasons New York City Is The Neverland Of Dating</a>.  I thought I&#8217;d add a few reasons why NYC is an especially good environment for guys. :D</p>
<p><a href="http://boinkology.com/2008/04/11/5-reasons-new-york-city-is-the-neverland-of-dating/">In his article</a>, Richard writes:<br />
<blockquote>&#8220;Here in New York City, there&#8217;s almost a stigma attached to people who actually have a boyfriend or girlfriend, as though you&#8217;re denying others of your partying time for your own selfish acts.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>This is absolutely true, and worth delaying the &#8220;list of positives&#8221; to talk about.  There are too many people in NYC doing too many things.  Too many people making lots of money.  Too many people creating good art.  Too many people that are ambitious.  Too many people (by sheer numbers&#8230; not per capita) that are attractive.  Too many people that go out to the nightlife scene.  Too many bars.  Too many opportunities&#8230; Choosing someone as a &#8220;significant other&#8221; speaks volumes about who you are as a person, or who you THINK you are&#8230; positively or negatively.  Like Richard said, you&#8217;re denying others of your partying time in order to hand it over to this one person&#8230; whom you&#8217;re likely to be broken up with a few months from now anyway, but that&#8217;s a different post.</p>
<p>The question becomes &#8220;Why did she choose HIM?&#8221; or &#8220;I thought he had taste in women&#8221; or &#8220;I thought she had higher self-esteem than that&#8221;.  Basically, whomever you choose, there&#8217;s someone &#8220;better&#8221; somwhere within a 5 block radius, because this is NYC.  This leads to people either just not mentioning that they&#8217;re in a relationship at all (when they are) or selecting a Facebook status of &#8220;It&#8217;s Complicated&#8221;, which basically means &#8220;Yes, I have someone&#8230; but Yes, you still have a good chance of getting on&#8221;.</p>
<p>Speaking of Facebook, that&#8217;s another problem with declaring a SO.  Once it&#8217;s over, you have to un-declare that person.  Serial Monogamy being what it is, it&#8217;s just better policy to NOT MENTION when you&#8217;re messing with someone, so when it&#8217;s over, everything&#8217;s still status quo.  So, yes&#8230; There&#8217;s definitely a stigma attached to claiming you have a BF or GF.  You can HAVE THEM all you want.  Just don&#8217;t bring them up in conversation.  Don&#8217;t declare them on ANY social sites.  Don&#8217;t have ANY pictures of them in circulation&#8230; at least &#8220;incriminating&#8221; ones.</p>
<p>Some people go to the length of hiding actual wives&#8230; Like women they went to a church and swore in front of a crowd of people that they were going to be faithful to this chick.  It&#8217;s like if you&#8217;re friends with this person, you know they&#8217;re married, but their wife never shows up on the scene&#8230; EV*A*R.  It&#8217;s like she&#8217;s a ghost or doesn&#8217;t really exist.</p>
<p>The reason to hide &#8220;significant others&#8221; in an environment with a high frequency of contact with attractive, available chicks is that there are lots of people who enjoy applying THEIR morals to YOUR life.  All you need is some weasely chick whispering in her girlfriend&#8217;s ear that you have a girlfriend and jacking up your rap.  On the other side of that, how many times have you requested information on a chick and what you receive is &#8220;oh&#8230; she has a boyfriend&#8221;.  It&#8217;s like &#8220;Pay attention, stupid&#8230; that&#8217;s NOT what I asked you&#8221;.  Then, they look at you all funny, as if &#8220;she has a boyfriend&#8221; is the only information they know about the chick.  People tend to lose their abilities to remain objective and USEFUL when these boyfriend and girlfriend terms get thrown into the mix.  It&#8217;s better for you to avoid that by keeping your personal business &#8220;out the street&#8221;.</p>
<p>Actually, this point stands on its own, so I&#8217;ll post MY list in <a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/04/19/6-reasons-new-york-city-is-the-neverland-of-dating-for-da-fellaz/">&#8220;6 Reasons New York City Is The Neverland Of Dating (For Da Fellaz)&#8221;</a></p>
<h3  class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post"><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/03/21/how-to-tell-hes-cheating/" title="How To Tell He&#8217;s Cheating">How To Tell He&#8217;s Cheating</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2011/10/17/appreciate-your-girlfriend/" title="Appreciate Your Girlfriend">Appreciate Your Girlfriend</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2011/02/16/how-to-starting-dating-again/" title="How To Starting Dating Again">How To Starting Dating Again</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/07/07/lindsey-bill-does-he-want-to-be-friends/" title="Lindsey &#038; Bill: Does He Want To Be Friends?">Lindsey &#038; Bill: Does He Want To Be Friends?</a></li><li><a href="http://billcammack.com/2008/04/19/6-reasons-new-york-city-is-the-neverland-of-dating-for-da-fellaz/" title="6 Reasons New York City Is The Neverland Of Dating (For Da Fellaz)">6 Reasons New York City Is The Neverland Of Dating (For Da Fellaz)</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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