Bill Cammack

It seems that here, in NYC, we can’t get away from news about “cheating”, infidelity, whatever you want to call it when guys (or gals) go outside of the limits that they agreed to with their current “significant other”.

First, we had the Governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer getting caught renting chicks. If you’re interested in that sort of thing, check out the actual affidavit on TheSmokingGun.com.

So then, when Eliot Spitzer resigns, David Paterson takes over as Governor and immediately holds HIS OWN PRESS CONFERENCE admitting extramarital affairs. That shouldn’t be a problem for him because getting laid isn’t against the law…. paying for it *IS*. Unless, of course, you’re in an area of the United States where they decided to legalize prostitution or you’re “acting” in a porno movie.

So anyway, you get the picture… Guys (and gals) are gonna do whatever they *want* to do, regardless of what they told YOU they were gonna do. Now, we’ve already gone over “How to cheat properly” for the fellaz….. So this time, we give some hints to the chicks out there that are always wondering to themselves “How do I know he’s cheating?” :D

Well, first of all, tune in to the Maury show, if it’s still on the air. You will find an incredible assortment of imbeciles that somehow find new and innovative ways to get caught cheating.

Next, you could do the old “Find condoms amongst his belongings when he doesn’t use any with you” trick. Guys slip up on this one all the time. They forget how hard they worked and begged and pleaded and did everything their girlfriend wanted in order to get her to start taking the pill so he could stop using condoms. We’ll skip the part about how stupid this is, because if YOU can get her to not use condoms, so can everybody else. So anyway, it doesn’t occur to guys that now that they’ve succeeded they can’t play off owning boxes of condoms anymore as if they were planning to use them on their girl…. Especially when it’s a 3-pack and there’s only one left. :D

Then there’s the old “Find women’s lingerie in your crib that you’ve never seen before AND isn’t anywhere near your size” trick. Due to the excitement of the circumstances, guys tend to be lax in taking inventory on what a chick walked in the door with and making sure she walks back out the door with the same stuff. Also, since guys don’t normally buy lingerie for their women, how are they supposed to know what’s yours and what isn’t? Meanwhile, if he did the right thing by her in your bedroom, she was too delirious to remember to put her panties on before her jeans, or that she ever owned panties in the first place. :D For a primer on what said lingerie might look like, Ask Frasco… she knows! :D

The next tip would be a lack of reaction to your trying to withhold sex from him. If you get mad at him for not taking out the garbage or something and announce that you’re not going to give him any, if he says “cool” or says absolutely nothing at all, trust and believe he has contingency plans for the possibility of a shortage of sex. Same thing goes for if HE suddenly doesn’t want to have as much sex with you as he used to. Sure, he might be more stressed at work or whatever, but it’s also possible his physical attention’s focused on an L.A. face with an Oakland bootie…. Neither of which, YOU happen to own…..

Another problem for YOU is if all of a sudden your boyfriend starts improving his appearance. He’s been the same dude for ages, but NOW he wants to lose that weight….. Now he wants to buy new clothes…. Now he wants to get in shape…. Now he wants to hook his hair up…. These are primitive mating rituals, like how when a chick’s sweating you, she starts playing with her hair. It’s not likely that one day, he passed a mirror and was like “DAG! I FELL OFF!!!” and started hooking himself up. He was already in good enough shape to get you to mess with him, so it’s not that either.

It could also be a bad thing if he DOESN’T improve his appearance, hahaha… Meaning that if he’s telling you he’s going to the gym three nights a week and he’s just getting fatter and fatter, he might be eating well over at the next chick’s house and you might be hurtling towards the asteroid field of replacement.

Of course, as Client 9 found out, his cell phone / PDA is a veritable treasure trove of information. Lots of guys leave their phones unlocked, so feel free to rummage around and cross reference his onboard address book with recent and frequent incoming and outgoing calls…. Especially the ones that occurred during the wee hours of the morning….

So, basically, there are a million clues… You just have to know what you’re looking for, and in most cases, what you’re looking AT, because it’s happening right in front of your face. :D Numbers on papers left in pockets… Lipstick-stained shirt collars that smell like perfume you don’t own… Receipts from plane reservations with other chicks’ names on them…. Room service charges from a different state than he told you he was going “with the fellaz”…. *YAWN*… Oh… Make sure you meet his family as quickly as you can. Get in good with them so that one sunny day when you’re all hanging out sippin’ lemonade and you bring up his cousin Sheila, his family goes

“Who?”

DatingGenius

OK Fellaz… Today, we’re going to talk about how to break up with your girlfriend or the chick you’re seeing or dating or whatever you’d like to call it.

Actually, let’s start with something easy. Here’s what a female needs to do if she wants to get rid of her boyfriend:

Now that we’ve covered that, :D let’s get on to the tough part, which is a guy getting his girlfriend to vamoose.

This is a very delicate process, assuming you still like her as a person and want to retain her as a friend. It’s even further complicated if you just happen to be a nice guy that doesn’t enjoy breaking hearts. You have to figure out how to extract her from the “romantic” aspect of the relationship WITHOUT her throwing out the friendship aspect along with it.

There’s a biological reason why chicks tend to overdo it when it comes to relationships. It’s not their fault. :) According to “Go Ask Alice”:

“Unlike men, who produce new sperm daily throughout most of their lifetime, women are born with all their eggs in one.. okay, two baskets (ovaries). To be more precise, a woman is born with about one to two million immature eggs, or follicles, in her ovaries.

Throughout her life, the vast majority of follicles will die through a process known as atresia. Atresia begins at birth and continues throughout the course of the woman’s reproductive life. When a woman reaches puberty and starts to menstruate, only about 400,000 follicles remain. With each menstrual cycle, a thousand follicles are lost and only one lucky little follicle will actually mature into an ovum (egg), which is released into the fallopian tube, kicking off ovulation. That means that of the one to two million follicles, only about 400 will ever mature.

Relatively little or no follicles remain at menopause, which usually begins when a woman is between 48-55 years of age. The remaining follicles are unlikely to mature and become viable eggs because of the hormonal changes that come along with menopause.”

So, basically, women are biologically inclined to be selective as far as whom they have sex with because they have a finite number of opportunities to have kids. When you add that to the pressure of patriarchal societies for women to only have sex with one guy or be “called out they name”, you can see why it’s so tough to get rid of a chick once she’s decided you’re “the one”.

So now, you’re in a situation where you don’t want to delete her entirely… just roll her back to a previous version of your relationship… You know, like going back to Tiger from Leopard.

First of all, to do this AT ALL, you have to know WHY your girl likes you. Most guys don’t know this, as evidenced by their paranoid behavior, trying (unsuccessfully) to keep tabs on their girl and keep her from giving some to the next man. There’s no reason to worry about your girl hanging out with other guys IF you’re offering her something unique that other guys aren’t. If you got the rap by talking about your car and your house, you may lose out to a guy that has a BOAT and a house, but that’s an entirely different issue.

So, assuming you have this list of great qualities that you have that made her choose you instead of the other guys that were trying to get on, use that list to figure out which qualities you need to subtract from your personality in order to get her to start seeing you as NOT “the one” and shift her romantic focus to some other guy or several other guys. :D

Once you’ve got it figured out, change your personality and hold the line. There’s no telling how long this is going to take, so you may have to remain “in character” for months. Eventually, she’ll question her own judgement about selecting YOU as “the one”, and then the questions start… “Where is this relationship going?” “What are we to each other?” “What are we doing?” blah blah blah Just remain friendly towards her and blase about your “relationship” and eventually, the understanding that YOU are not “the one” will solidify for her, and she’ll be ready and willing to break up with you. [insert dancing smiley]

Now, of course the chicks are going to complain that this is underhanded and sneaky and cowardly. :) In reality, it’s in THEIR best interest. This way, THEY get to break up with YOU and give themselves the props for ejecting from a situation that THEY figured out wasn’t working FOR THEM. Meanwhile, you know the truth, and everybody’s happy! :D

Just don’t lull yourself to sleep while you’re waiting for her to dump you. When it happens, it’s going to be out of the blue. It’s going to be some time and place that you’re not ready for her to break up with you, so you need to be vigilant. It’s CRITICAL how you “handle” the breakup. If your demeanor is OH, THANK *GOD*!!! IT’S ABOUT TIME! :D then you did all this for nothing. :D

When she lets you know what time it is, you want to be a combination of confused, dismayed and “lost”. Don’t overdo it, though. You don’t want her to change her mind! :O Let her know that you understand why she has to do what she has to do and that you still love and care about her “as a friend”. Make sure everything’s smooth between you, and you’ve successfully rolled her back. :D You’re still friends and everyone’s happy. :)

YOUR job isn’t over, though… It takes chicks a while to get over relationships, so be a gentleman and don’t sport your new chick in public until you’re sure your ex is cool with it. ;)

DatingGenius