Narcissism is a pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one’s self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one’s gratification, dominance and ambition.
Now… I don’t know anyone like that,
but since it was so much fun writing “Dating for Misanthropes”, I thought I’d explain to the ladies what they can expect from dating a Narcissist.
First of all, let’s make the distinction… A misanthrope doesn’t like you… because you’re wack. period. No way around that. A narcissist, OTOH, probably likes you. He may very well even love you, like, he’s not just saying that to get you to lay down. The problem for YOU is that regardless of how much he loves you, he loves himself WAY MORE, always has and always will. 😀
So, right off the bat, you’ll never be #1 with someone who “suffers” with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), because he’s ALREADY #1 to himself.
Probably the largest hurdle for women in dating narcissists is attempting to gain any form of CONTROL in the relationship. You can’t have any control, because nobody cares what you think. I don’t, and neither do I. 😀 Basically, you can’t create any leverage for yourself with a narcissist, because he can “take you or leave you”. He still has himself, so who cares if you’re around or not?
On top of that, other chicks want him anyway, so if you vacate your spot, you just make an opportunity for the next gal. C’est La Vie. Bon Voyage!… SSSSSSSSSSSSEEEYA! “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!”. “I don’t need em, I let the WELFARE feed em”….
Being that you never achieve leverage, you don’t really have any executive say in what a narcissist does. He listens to your requests and decides whether to grant them or not. If you’re going to a dinner party with your boring-ass girlfriends and their dates, you’re most likely going BY YOURSELF, unless you get some other guy to go with you. There’s no reason for the narcissist to be bored out of his mind for hours on end. There’s also no incentive for him to go to the dinner party in the first place. If he wanted to meet your girlfriends, he’d be dating THEM instead of YOU.
Basically, anything you come up with, if it’s not better than what he already had planned, you’re “short”. You want to go to the opera when the game’s on? Bring me back a program. Peace!
Pretty much, you’re an accessory to Mr. NPD. This is one of the reasons he’s going to stay on top of how you dress. First of all, if you don’t look good to him, he’s not going to spend time with you AT.ALL. He doesn’t actually NEED you, so your purpose is to be visually, mentally and sensually stimulating to him. Basically, hanging out WITH YOU has to be better than hanging out WITH HIMSELF, which is ALWAYS a good time, so you need to make sure you stay jiggy fresh, so he’s inclined to invite you to chill with him evAr again.
Second, the fact that he’s spending time with you is an indication of his taste in women. If he’s embarrassed to be seen with you, he’s either going to stop hanging out with you, or just make sure he’s never seen with you in public.
So, it’s in your best interest to look as HAWT as possible for your narcissist at all times… especially considering that looking good and having sex are the only things you’re required to do, I figure you can AT LEAST handle that much. 🙂
Now, it’s not all downsides to dating Mr. NPD…. For one thing, the narcissist believes he’s the bomb-diggity when it comes to sex, so he’s not going to be satisfied until YOU’RE satisfied. 🙂 He’s highly invested in his personal belief that he can RAWK you, so if you do yourself the favor of not faking orgasms, he’s going to keep trying different stuff until he hits that spot. “Regular” dudes have no such interest in your completion, so… you get what you get, hahahaha.
Also, if the narcissist actually agrees to spend time with you, that means he really WANTS TO. This means that as long as you look good and are fun to spend time with, he’s going to show you the best time he can possibly figure out. “Regular” guys, you know how THEY do…. They go wherever their women TELL THEM, but then they sit around like bumps on the proverbial logs, because they didn’t want to be there in the first place, but were to pussy to say so.
Third, the fact that the narcissist spends time with you indicates that he really likes you (not as much as himself, but whaddaya want?). This means that he’ll be happy to introduce you to people and happy to take you anywhere he’s invited. Also, everyone else who knows how self-absorbed he is will be impressed that he chose you.
So there are some of the pros and cons of dating a narcissist. There’s a good writeup on MayoClinic.com about Narcissistic Personality Disorder that gives you technical information that you can use to determine whether you’re dating one, so you can decide whether you want to cease & desist or continue dating him. Symptoms include:
- Believing that you’re better than others
- Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
- Exaggerating your achievements or talents
- Expecting constant praise and admiration
- Believing that you’re special
- Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
- Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
- Taking advantage of others
- Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
- Being jealous of others
- Believing that others are jealous of you
- Trouble keeping healthy relationships
- Setting unrealistic goals
- Being easily hurt and rejected
- Having a fragile self-esteem
- Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
Good Luck! 😀
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