Most of my close female friends, the ones I kick the REAL DEAL with, are aware that when it comes to hooking up, I don’t believe ANYTHING that a female says.

Nothing.

I’ve been lied to by enough women and I’ve listened to enough women lie about what they’ve done with me to recognize that whatever a chick tells you is probably the LEAST of what she did with a dude, and nowhere near the MOST.

This is because there’s no incentive for a woman to tell you the truth about her hookups, even if you’re supposed to be a “friend” of hers.

To be fair, there’s no incentive for guys to tell the truth either… Due to no fault of my own, The Kid ended up in a speed-dating situation the other night, and this chick asked me what I would do if I had to cook dinner for her. My response was that I would order food and put it in the oven until she got there and then act like I made it.

Her response was (besides a grimace on her face) “But then, you’d have to tell me that you did that”, to which I replied “o_O No…. Actually, I wouldn’t have to.”

So just like I’m going to take credit for what Colonel Sanders invented, I don’t expect the truth from women about the extent to which they messed with some dude…. Even if THEY’RE the ones that brought up the topic and started the conversation about their own exploits.

Clean From The Jacuzzi

This brings us to the end of last week’s Jersey Shore episode. Deena had met this dude named Dean, who looks just like Ronnie, and brought him home to get in the hot tub and then get in bed with her and “cuddle”.

“Cuddling” is a term used by females to explain why they were seen in a bed with a guy, under the covers, without their clothes on. :/ They were “just cuddling”, like they’re “just friends” with the guy. Yeah.. Right…

The first night that Dean came home with Deena, on his way out the door, Sammi saw him and informed Deena that she had seen Dean’s girlfriend 5 times. Deena seems surprised that he has a girlfriend, since she asked him and he said he didn’t (as opposed to not getting laid, A DUH!) and then implies that he did something sexual to her, but she didn’t do anything sexual to him, adding “That’s how you ROLL, girl”, indicating that she played him, somehow.

The only problem with her pimp-o-matic statement is that previously, she swore up and down that she didn’t do anything with him at all. Now, in order to save face that she just spent the night with a guy that has a girlfriend, she wants to say that action took place, but it was one-sided, with her as the recipient and Dean getting nothing from her in return.

Yeah.. Right…

Fast-Forward a few days, and somehow, Deena and Dean have hooked up several times, and are walking around holding hands, in fact. Vinny refers to Dean as “Deena’s Man” in his confessional. It’s clear that they’ve passed “cuddling” stage.

Next.. Ronnie, Vinny & Pauly go to the barber shop. While Ronnie’s getting his fresh Gumby Flat-Top Fade hooked up, the barber mentions that Dean said that Deena told him she wanted to BLANK his BLANK (nope.. It’s not even what you’re thinking! HAHA).

Off the bat, the fellaz are rolling laughing, because due to her previous statements and behavior, like keeping throwing sex at Mike that he suspiciously keeps refusing to take, getting so drunk that she falls off of stages and gets kicked out of a club, and bringing Dean home for hot tub time and purported “cuddling”, she’s not about to receive the benefit of the doubt that she didn’t say what the barber said that Dean said she said.

Of course.. Mike, the Gossip-O-Matic feels the need to spill the beans to Deena that she’s being talked about. Deena denies the allegations, which carries no weight whatsoever, because her credibility, as far as hooking up, is already destroyed.

Deena see’s Dean at the club and, no pun intended, reams him out… ok.. Pun Intended. >:D

His defense was “I never said that”, which is normally a pretty good defense when people don’t have specifics. It’s one thing to deny generally saying that you hooked up with a chick. It’s another thing to deny saying to your barber and anyone else within earshot at the time and anyone else the barber felt like telling, “Deena said she wanted to BLANK my BLANK, because it had been cleaned out in the jacuzzi”.

Let’s Just Cuddle

This week, Deena runs into Ronnie’s friend, Dario and is immediately sweating him like she had been sweating Dean. There’s nothing wrong with this.. Just stating a fact. :D

Dario most definitely received the recon intel that Deena’s DTF. No matter how she acts, dude has GOT to know that she gives it up Quick Fast In A Hurry, Flavor’s Vision Ain’t Blurry. All he has to do is have the look that she likes and wait for her to jump his bones.

They make out in the club, she dances with him, yadda yadda. Next, they’re back at the house, with Deena sitting on his lap, babbling about some nonsense about the gym. This is the part where dudes pretend to care what chicks are talking about, so they can feel like they got to know us before they gave it up. *yawn*

Dude says “C’mon.. Let’s go inside”, to which Deena replies “We should cuddle. That’s all”. By now, we all recognize this statement as a typical prefabricated excuse to get in a bed and under the covers with a guy and do whatever ACTUALLY comes naturally and then downplay what happened after the fact to whatever level she’s comfortable with admitting.

This is immediately followed by a suspiciously contrived confessional shot of Deena saying “I definitely don’t have sex on the first night. It’s not Halloween. I’m not handing out candy for free. Like, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers. Dario is not getting the golden ticket tonight.”, followed by her saying “I haven’t done sex in like… three months.”, followed by “WhateverWhatever, my golden ticket was taken, it is what it is, and you know what? Dario is a good guy.”

The confessional is contrived because it makes Deena look like she intended not to give it up, when, in fact, she orchestrated the entire thing from all the way back when they were in the club together and she asks him “Do you want to kiss me?”. She knew what her plan was and she executed it properly. Her goal was to hook up with him and relieve her (not that I believe this either) 3-month dry spell, and that’s what she did.

My point isn’t that Deena’s an anomaly, but rather that she’s typical. Guys have to deal with nonsensical statements from women every day. It’s all in the game. At first, it’s something that throws you off. :D You start wondering what you did to change her mind. Eventually, you realize she’s only saying things to convince other people, and most likely, to convince herself that she’s not planning to do exactly what she’s planning to do.

Pay attention, however.. I’m not saying to ignore what a chick’s saying, because there’s a percentage chance that she’s telling you the truth. There are lots of gals that say what they mean and mean what they say. I’m not saying that “Let’s Cuddle” is code for “Let’s Hook Up”. I’m saying that her saying she’s not going to do anything with you doesn’t have any bearing whatsoever on what she actually DOES right after that, or 20 minutes later, or the next morning or a week from now.

Guys do a similar thing in order to save face. They’ll swear up and down that a chick’s busted, ugly, fat, a grenade, whatever, but as soon as they don’t think their boys are going to find out about it, they’re down to hook up with that same chick, ASAP.

In Other Jersey Shore News…

1. Mike bags a drunk chick and brings her home
2. Nicole sleeps in the pen with the dogs.
3. Nicole breaks a $150 tricycle that she shouldn’t have been riding in the first place and flees the store instead of paying for it.
4. Pauly fends off tag-team flirtation from Nicole & Deena.
5. Nicole hooks up with this guy, Jeff, and then refuses to see him again after he says he was engaged to a chick.
6. The guys shop, cook, clean and are generally useful, as usual, while the girls go shopping for lingerie.
7. MTV showed a Keyboard Cat commercial.
8. Nicole runs her mouth instead of working at the t-shirt shop, which makes sense, because she gets paid more to appear in the episodes than she makes trying to sell t-shirts.
9. MVPD hit the club.
10. Pauly makes friends with his stalker, Danielle, and invites her to the house to chill and get made fun of.

Did I Stutter?

Seemingly experiencing a brain-oriented malfunction, Sammi either fails to understand what Ronnie’s saying to her or refuses to believe it:

Sammi: Come back over here. It’s cold
Ronnie: …………….
Sammi: You wanna come back here?
Ronnie: Is that why you came up here? So you can still argue with me? I’m sleeping
Sammi: I straight up don’t want to do this with you anymore
Ronnie: Stop threatening me! Serously!
Sammi: Why do you always take it so negative? Do you want to come to bed with me?
Ronnie: Obviously not, if I haven’t gotten up and gone over there.
Sammi: Ron?
Ronnie: Just leave me alone.

This goes on and on until Sammi initiates another loop of asking Ronnie several times if he wants to break up with her, Ronnie replying in the affirmative several times, and Sammi continuing to ask him if he wants to break up with her.

BWONNNGGGGGG… Einstein Say “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”. Let this be a lesson to guys and gals alike. Do Not ask questions that you don’t really want the answers to, such as:

Do you want to break up with me?
Were you screwing some chick when you told me you were playing poker?
Does this outfit make me look fat?
Do you think I’m a psycho?
Did he **** you better than I did?
Do you like my mother’s personality?
Would you still date me if I went broke?
Would you have sex with my sister?
Would you have sex with me and my sister?
Would you have sex with me, my sister and my mother?

Make ONE HUNNID PERCENT SURE that you want to know the answer to these questions before you open your mouth to ask them. If you’re only asking because you’re sure you know the answer, you might be in for a rude awakening.

Having watched the coming attractions to next week’s show, I know that after Ronnie leaves the room to get away from Sammi and retreats to the farthest corner of the house he possibly can, she follows him like a shadow, like usual, and keeps asking redundant questions until she finally gets the picture that she no longer has any control over Ronnie. Her reaction to this is to say she wants to “get him back” and then she gets up on a stage in the club and announces something about a hot guy and then is seen dancing with some dude she doesn’t know from Adam, while Ronnie watches them.

First of all, everybody knows that when Sammi’s not with Ronnie, all she wants to do is curl up in a ball and stay in bed. She doesn’t want other guys. She most certainly doesn’t want other RANDOM guys. She’s not going to DO anything with these guys. She’s been riding Ronnie’s dilznick for the last full year, all the way through him hooking up left and right in Miami AND her watching the videotape of him hooking up left and right in Miami AND all her family and friends watching the footage as well… She’s not fooling anybody by getting on a stage and dancing with a guy she doesn’t know, doesn’t care about, doesn’t love, and isn’t jocking.

Second.. What is it that makes people who get dumped think that they can make their ex jealous by flaunting the fact that someone else just picked up the garbage they tossed away? Does that make any sense? If you throw a gum wrapper on the floor, do you get upset when someone else picks it up? :D

This is just more of that blackmail behavior that indicates mental instability. If you’re friends with Jenni, I’m going to punch you in your face. If you break up with me, I’m going to give up my ass to the first stranger I meet while you watch. If I ask you if you want to break up with me and you reply “Yes, We’re Done!”, I’m going to keep asking you until you change your answer to something I like……

Sometimes, no matter how much you feel like tappin’ that, the sex just isn’t worth the hassle of negotiating with blackmailers. Let’s see if Ronnie learns his lesson THIS time. :/
–
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A reader recently asked me a question about looking desperate. It was the basic situation of not wanting to overdo it or under-do it when contacting someone you want to kick it to.

If you contact them too much, you look desperate. If you contact them too little, you look disinterested. If you look disinterested, they might turn off to you. If you look desperate, they might think you’re a Herb or a psycho stalker.

This was an issue in one of my favorite movies, “Swingers” by Jon Favreau.

Mikey got a number from this chick, right? :)

So he’s all excited about it but he wants to seem like he’s cool about it.

When he goes back, he asks his friends, who are actual players, how long he should wait to call her. They tell him to wait two days.

Of course, Mikey gets overexcited and calls her several times on the same night he met her, fumbling the position.

So, the problem, to the casual viewer, seems to be that Mikey called her too soon. That’s not actually the problem. That’s the equivalent of women thinking that they got dumped after sex for giving it up too soon (especially on the first date).

Here’s the real problem…

Desperate People Look Desperate

See how that works? You got treated like a desperate person because you WERE desperate. Most of the time when people don’t want to LOOK desperate, it’s because they FEEL desperate. O_o

Desperate people look desperate REGARDLESS of how long they wait to contact someone. Similarly, when a guy plans to dump a girl after having sex with her, it doesn’t matter at all how long she plays it off like she doesn’t want to give him some. As soon as she does it, if she hasn’t demonstrated some other value to him that he decides to stick around for, he’s Swayze (Ghost).

If you meet someone on Wednesday and contact them on Thursday, that doesn’t automatically mean that you’re desperate. It could also mean that you just REALLY want to spend time with them, which, believe it or not, is completely different. :)

Similarly, if you meed someone on Wednesday and contact them NEXT WEDNESDAY, that doesn’t mean you’re COOL either! :D All that FRONTIN’ you did, only to arrive one week later, just as *SHOOK* as you were last week, haha What did all that delaying get you?.. I mean, of course, besides giving other people six days to butt in on your rap so that by the time you call/text, that person already deleted your number and forgot what you look like.

So your problem isn’t how soon you do something, it’s how you feel about yourself when you do it.

For example.. Let’s say I met a gal at 9pm and she gave me her number.

I might very well text her at 11pm to see what she’s doing.

I might text her the next morning around 10am.

I might text her the next day around lunchtime to see what her plans are for that evening.

If I met her on a Thursday, I might not text her until Monday if I already have plans for Friday & Saturday.

I might very well not text her at all, evAr. :D

I can do whatever the **** I want to do because I’m not desperate. I couldn’t possibly care any less whether she returns my texts, blocks my number or joins me for drinks. It doesn’t matter. If she’s not interested, I’ll call someone else or meet a new chick on the fly. It’s no big deal.

Go With The Flow

The problem occurs when a dude’s like “OMG! I *HOPE* I GET THE RAP TO THIS GALLLLL!!!!! :O” and then he wants to SEEM like he’s cool about the situation. That’s not going to work. That’s like being afraid of a dog but trying to trick the dog by standing still AS IF you’re not afraid of it. Good Luck with that! :D

So forget about what day you’re going to contact her and what you’re going to say and what you’re going to offer her and where you’re going to take her and what her friends are going to think about you and what you’re going to wear….. Get your MIND RIGHT so you can go with the flow regardless of what happens.

It’s also possible that you CAN’T get your mind right because this one rap to this one girl *IS* that important to you. :) If that’s the case, use your nervousness to your advantage instead of trying to suppress it. If you think she looks HAWT, tell her that. If you think she’s really smart or respectable, tell her that. Trust & Believe you’re WAAAAY better off getting comfortable with your own discomfort than trying to teach yourself how to act cool when you’re not.

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OK Fellaz, let’s get down to brass tacks here.

The way “dating” is set up in patriarchal society, it’s up to YOU, as the guy, to run the show. YOU kick it to the chick, she decides whether to give you some or not. You make the money. You make the decisions. You’re the “head of household”. No matter how much this society tries to make you into women, you’re *NOT*, so get over it and handle your business when it comes to chicks.

Having said that….. Since it’s YOUR responsibility to pull the chick, it’s YOUR responsiblity to be FLY! That’s a slang term meaning VERY GOOD in general, but in this case, we’re talking about your overall presentation. We’re talking about how you look, how you act, what shape you’re in, how ambitous you are in your career, how you handle your money… Top to Bottom, you have to be better than the next man if you think you’re going to get the rap to some chick.

LIFE. IS. NOT. FAIR.

You are not ENTITLED to a girlfriend.
You are not ENTITLED to have any female friends AT ALL.
You are not ENTITLED to have sex with a chick even if she likes hanging out with you.
You are not ENTITLED to have instant messenger text or video chats with chicks.
You are not ENTITLED to responses to your emails or direct messages.
You *ARE* entitled to….. *NOTHING*. :D

All men are NOT created equal. We may have been born through the same process, but some of us have distinct advantages over others. Go look up Alpha Males, Beta Males and Omega Males. If you’re a natural, chicks just like you and that’s that. You can do whatever you want, such as write blog posts that talk yang about males and females AT THE SAME TIME, and you will still have girls attracted to you just by walking in the door. Life Isn’t Fair. :D

The problem with Omega Males is that they refuse to correctly perceive themselves as the bottom of the barrel. They think to themselves “That good-looking, in-shape, well-educated, friendly, gregarious, charming, well-spoken guy over there can get girls…. so can I!” BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Wrong.

The first thing Omega Males need to do is realize their position in life. It’s like going to Alcoholics Anonymous. Unless you admit you have a problem, you’ll never go for treatment. The first step is admitting that YOU’RE WACK! … Say it with me now… “I am wack”. See? Don’t you feel better now? :D NOW we can get to the part where you attempt to overcome your deficiencies. See, by thinking you’re the same as guys that women actually WANT to talk to them, you’re doing yourself a disservice because you’re not trying as hard as *YOU* need to in order to pull a decent female. Then, when the chick cuts off communications with you, you try to blame it on her. You want to say she’s fickle or a tease or she led you on. Let me let you in on a little secret…..

Chicks in general are non-confrontational. You would think that’s a good thing, but it isn’t… not for YOU. It’s good for guys that girls WANT, because you say “let’s get out of here ;)” and she says “ok” and it’s on and poppin’. The problem for YOU is that she never wanted to talk to you in the first place. She saw you come in the door. She saw you on the dance floor. She saw you post up in her area. She saw you looking out the corner of your eye to try to gauge if you’d be successful in rapping to her or not. She knew what you wanted when you asked her what time it is or if she’d like to dance. She knew you were going to try to get on. She knew you would ask her for her number…..

This is where the non-confrontational part comes in. She will do one of three things. She will inform you that she’s not going to give you her number, she will give you a fake number or she will give you a real number.

If she tells you “no” from the get, she’s going to have to listen to you whining and trying to change her mind.

If she gives you a fake number, she takes the risk that you will call her immediately and realize that you connected to Pizza Hut. More whining from you and trying to change her mind. On top of that, she looks like an IDIOT because she “doesn’t know her own telephone number”. Now, she has to either tell you “no” or give up the real number.

If she gives you the real number, it’s still a trap. :) There are only two ways you can call her. With or without Caller ID. If you call her with your number blocked, she’s going to let it go to the machine, because she DOESN’T know who’s calling her. If you call her with your number showing, she’s going to let it go to the machine because she DOES know who’s calling her… Or, to put it another way, she knows it’s not anybody calling whom she actually picks up the phone for.

All paths here lead to frustration. The only way around this is to realize that YOU’RE WACK and start on the road to self-improvement. Let’s look at what you can do to make yourself less loathsome to chicks. :D

Improve your vocabulary. Go research the difference between “their” and “there”, and “your” and “you’re”. If this chick accidentally has a kid with you, she’s going to want the kid to be SMART, not STUPID.

Stop using primitive tactics to try to pull her. By using the same AMATEUR skillz that get you on with short-bus girls at the club, you’re demeaning the woman you’re kicking it to. She can’t believe that YOU believe you’re going to get on with such garbage. She feels low-rated and is less likely to give it up, so figure out how to step up your game, playah.

Stop trying to hide your kids. This is the United States of America. It’s very easy to find out that you have kids…. and a wife too, for that matter. Stop faking the funk. If you’re trying to get some on the side, “man up” about it. You might get turned down off the bat, but at least she respects you for not trying to get over.

If you’re *BITTER* about everything, KEEP. IT. TO. YOURSELF! :D Nobody’s interested in what you think you’re entitled to or how mad you are that you don’t have what the next man has. Suck it up, put a SMILE on your face, and show the chick a good time.

Go. To. The. Gym. You want to be in GOOD shape so that she’s HOPING you take your clothes off instead of DREADING the concept. :( You don’t want her to start singing the Fat Albert theme song when you emerge from the bathroom in your boxers.

If you’re NOT going to get in shape, at least DRESS WELL! Buy one of those hip-hop graffiti shirts so you look like a wall or an old-school subway car.

Watch black and white movies. Guys don’t know how to treat the ladies anymore. You have to watch old movies to receive the essence of male elegance and character.

And, the *most* important thing is to step to her “on the humble”. Do *NOT* act like you’re entitled to have her talk to you, text with you, email with you, video chat with you, dance with you, go home with you… NONE OF THAT. Just let her know you appreciate how she looks and you’d like to get to know more about her, then cross your fingers! :D

DatingGenius

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