I touched on this briefly in “Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]“, but if you’re putting together a crew of dudes to pull chicks or even just working with one other guy, Team Selection is CRITICAL.

Sometimes, the reason you don’t get on is that you doomed yourself from the beginning by selecting the wrong team for the job.

Everybody’s not effective in all situations.

Just like Mission: Impossible, you have to figure out where you’re going, what the atmosphere is, what kind of women go there, which of your wingmen are effective with that particular demographic, and then who amongst that subset of your cronies is most likely to add value to the situation and least likely to fumble.

Jersey Shore

I felt like talking about this today because the ‘Jersey Shore’ dudes have this weirdo style of team-rapping. Every time you see them pull chicks, it’s in pairs. It’s really weird. :D

The problem with always picking up multiple chicks is that you’re multiplying your likelihood of failure. Instead of only having ONE female whose mood you have to regulate, you now have TWO. That’s bad enough to begin with, but then, similar to the Bechdel Test, they’re actually talking to each other, which is just about the worst thing that can happen. :(

So the question becomes “Did you pull the girls from the club because you wanted to mess with them or because you wanted to enjoy some kind of weirdo event with your homeboy where you hook up and he watches you and your girl from 15 feet away while he’s eating a sandwich?”.

As a side note, Vinny deserves props for salvaging his HORRIBLE RAP to Ramona. She seems to be having a very good time with Vinny now, so kudos to him on that! :D

Who Is He?

The first thing you need to know is WHO your wingman is, or perhaps what station he currently occupies in life. This is important because y’all might not be seeing chicks the same way, which could lead to disastrous results.

Let’s say, for instance, that you’re a single dude and you’re hanging out with a dude that’s married (and happens not to cheat on his wife). He’s not seeing any of the girls in your vicinity as potential targets, so he’s liable to do and say some REEEEEEEEEALLY STUPID THINGS.

What difference does it make to him if he alienates the chicks? That has no effect whatsoever on his wife giving him some when he goes home. What difference does it make if he makes himself (and you, by association) look like a JERK?.. None.

No matter what he does, his ability to get laid is insulated. This makes him dangerous and a potential liability to your rap at any stage of the game.

This week, on ‘Jersey Shore’, Pauly pulls these two chicks and they come back to the crib with him and Mike and when they get there, it turns out that Mike’s girl for the night isn’t DTF.

Instead of doing THE RIGHT THING and taking this extra chick to the kitchen or wherever so Pauly can get laid, Mike starts “calling a ho a ho”, which is NEVER good policy.

The LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO is tell a chick that you know she’s easy. Even hoes want to feel like they’re hard to get. YOUR goal in life is to let them believe that long enough for you to hook up with them.

So, not only does Mike call the chick a ho, but he informs her directly (and in front of the OTHER ho) that because she’s not going to perform, she has to get out of his bed right now and chill in the living room. :D HAHAHA Not only did he simultaneously destroy Pauly’s rap by pointing out his girl for the night’s station in life, but what sense did it make for him to kick the other chick out of the room and remain in the room HIMSELF, spectating Pauly’s action?

Actually, this brings me to the next section..

How Desperate Is He?

Desperation is a good trait in a wingman.. to a degree. You want your teammate to be rather interested in pulling new chicks for tonight because that’s what the game’s all about. If you teamed up with the married dude, he might not be hungry enough to be effective, AND will probably end up being a liability as I mentioned earlier.

OTOH.. You don’t want dude to be so desperate that he loses his mind and forgets what the goal of the evening is. The goal is not for the two of youse as a TEAM to get laid. After you extract the chicks from the club, it’s every man for himself. If your girl fronts, it’s your job to keep her from cockblocking your boy, because that’s what you want him to do for you on that night that will be coming up soon where your girl is DTF and his isn’t.

If you look at Mike’s behavior, it’s just stupid. What did he suspect was going to happen when he told the chick essentially “If you’re not giving it up, get out of my bed AND get out of my room, because the only reason I invited you over was to **** you”? :D haha Did he think she was going to go “Oh.. Damn.. You’re right about that.. My Bad! :/” and lay down and give it up?

That’s absolutely ridiculous, so in dissing her by telling her that her only value to him was the late-night hookup, all he did was simultaneously destroy Pauly’s rap too. If you’re calling the chick that WOULDN’T hook up with you a ho and kicking her out of bed, what does that make her homegirl feel like that’s still laying down with Pauly? o_O

So you want your wingman to be desperate enough to put in good work, but you DON’T want him to be so desperate that he catches feelings for not getting laid and ruins the night for YOU in the process.

What’s His Style?

If you’re going to Brooklyn, bring a hipster with you. If you’re going to an upscale Manhattan club, bring a dude in a suit that has class & style and won’t be intimidated by quality women. If you’re going to a ghetto party or social club, bring a ghetto dude.

“Styles Make Fights”. You have to select the proper team member(s) for each mission. Bringing the ghetto dude to the hipster party does you no good. Bringing the hipster to the Manhattan party does you no good.

Basically, you want your team to blend into the surroundings but simultaneously have an edge over other squads that are trying to pull the same girls. At the end of the day, women are women, or, how do they say?.. “All cats are grey in the dark”. Regardless of whatever your wingman’s style of dress or demeanor is, if he doesn’t know how to deal with women in general, you’re pretty much screwed. You might actually do better by bringing the ghetto guy that knows his way around women to the hipster party than bringing a dude that looks the part but isn’t contributing JACK-**** to the team getting on.

How Does He Pull Girls?

It’s very important to know what it is about a potential teammate that the ladies like. It’s also important to know what skillz he’s bringing to the table that help him to bypass roadblocks.

For instance.. Mike gets girls because of his stomach. No chick has ever called him handsome in the history of ‘Jersey Shore’. No chick has ever complimented him on his gift of gab. Every time you see girls around him in the club, it’s because he’s lifting his shirt and letting them touch his stomach. In the entire.. what?.. 22 episodes over two seasons of ‘Jersey Shore’, I’ve never seen Mike salvage a rap by talking the chick into hooking up with him. If she’s not DTF because of his body and/or because he’s a reality television star, it seems like he can’t pull a non-grenade to save his life.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but you have to recognize that that’s what he’s bringing to the table as a wingman. It’s like the strong guy on Mission: Impossible. You didn’t hire him to program any computers. You didn’t hire him to do any good acting. You hired him to lift things and beat people up. That was his job, because that’s what he was good for.

Similarly.. If you’re going to a club where girls give it up because a guy works out a lot, bring Mike. If you’re going to a hotel bar to meet women that expect intelligent & stimulating conversation, DO NOT bring Mike. :D

In fact, this is what confused me about the entire second season of ‘Jersey Shore’. The name of the show is…. JERSEY… SHORE… How in the **** are you going to film a season in Miami? Their style doesn’t even play well in Miami. It only works at Seaside Heights, New Jersey, and MAAAAAAYBE out on Long Island. That’s like making a show called “Harlem World” and filming the second season in the Lower East Side, or Kansas for that matter. It doesn’t make any sense.

Of course, they probably ended up calling it ‘Jersey Shore’ because all the other names they wanted to use for the show got rejected. \o/

Anyway.. If you’re going out with intelligent women, don’t bring a ditzy bodybuilding dude to back you up. If you’re going out with girls that are looking for “Gorilla Juice-Heads”, don’t bring a scrawny, artsy, intellectual dude with no physique.

It’s your job to bring dudes with you that the women you’re trying to hook up with are going to like just as much as it’s your job to find chicks that your boys are going to want to try to bring back to the hot tub.

Two Strikes, And You’re Out!

I’ve paid my dues. I’ve put in my *HOURS* of sitting around, chatting up chicks I didn’t give a flying **** about so my boy could screw her girlfriend in another room.

That’s probably why I don’t have any sympathy for these lame situations. It’s very simple. The goal is for everyone on the team to have a “good night”. If it works out that one dude pulls a DTF chick and someone else doesn’t, rally ’round the ******* FLAG and help your boy do what he’s trying to do.

One of these days, YOU’RE gonna be the only guy that pulled a viable chick and you’re going to appreciate your comrades assisting your efforts to reach The Dragon’s Lair.

Pretty much, a dude should be allowed to jack up your rap TWICE, maximum. The first time is when you didn’t know he was so stupid as to say or do what he did that made the girls scowl and scamper away instead of handing out contact information. The second time is after you TELL HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG and tell him how to fix it and inform him that you don’t intend to be cockblocked by his ridiculous antics ever again.

If he screws it up after that, don’t invite him on missions anymore. If he shows up by accident, distance yourself from him so you don’t suffer from guilt by association.

As much hard work as you put into crafting your image and demeanor, if you don’t surround yourself with the correct teammates, it’s all for naught because someone else is going to kick a hole in the boat and sink your rap for you.

If you don’t know what someone’s going to do or you suspect he’s going to do the wrong thing, you’re probably better off going solo and hannlin’ yo bidnezz on your own… You know what they say… “If you want something done right….” >:D
–
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So they finally released the movie “Twilight” on cable, so I was able to check it out and see what all the hubbub was about.

Vampire shows have been all the rage recently. HBO has a series called True Blood that’s really popular and pretty much anything dealing with vampires is going to get run these days.

I’ve been wondering for quite a while why chicks have been falling all over themselves over “Twilight”. I figured a vampire movie is a vampire movie is a vampire movie. *yawn*

Having watched it now, I get it completely. The screenplay was very well written to fit the brainwashing of American females if not females all over the world.

I’m not saying the movie was interesting or good or unpredictable, haha.. I’m just saying that I understand why it’s a phenomenon because it hits the points that girls are trained to look for when they fantasize about being involved in a romantic relationship with a guy.

*** SPOILER ALERT *** If you still haven’t seen this movie, which was released over a year ago or you happen to be Keith Bevans, do not read the rest of this post! :D

Bella

Bella is the main character. The movie’s seen through her eyes. This is automatically going to be of interest to females, because most films are seen through guys’ eyes.

She doesn’t live in a big city. She transfers to a new school, which means she starts off with ZERO props. She has no friends. She’s a loner.

She’s cute enough for the sticks, but she’d be nothing to write home about in New York City. This is also endearing to females, because most of them fit into this category.

You don’t want your protagonist to be “too attractive” or else the audience will disconnect. Of course Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Anniston for Angelina Jolie. That’s what’s supposed to happen, because Angelina > Jennifer. You want the audience to feel like they’re immersed in a story that could actually happen to THEM in THEIR lives.

So Bella’s set up as a character that’s worthy of love but just doesn’t have any. Her parents are separated. Her father lives alone. Her mother has a new man and enjoys traveling with him. Basically, Bella has nothing at all in her life, emotionally.

Edward

Edward is seen as a “catch” in the town Bella moves to. He’s one of the elite, although the movie doesn’t establish WHY he’s considered elite. I can only assume it’s because they imply that he’s physically attractive and mentally a renegade.

I grew up with “elite” people in my elementary school. I understand the draw, even though “Twilight” skipped over the character development explaining these people.

When I was 13 years old, I knew other 13-year-olds that got $150 a week in “allowance” (The money your parents give you to live and have fun on for no particular reason). At the time, my allowance was $20/week and a lot of my friends (who had JOBS by the time they were 13 or just stayed broke) considered me rich because of that.

I knew 13-year-old “elites” that would throw wild parties and raid their parents’ liquor cabinets and be the talk of the school, come Monday. I also knew 16-year-old elite females that dropped out of school to have kids, most likely due to some of those same parties.

So I understand the concept of “the table of cool kids” and how fascinating they are, just because they’re living lives that the rest of us aren’t living. One thing the movie never addresses is that Edward doesn’t age past 17, even though he became a vampire in ~1918, and nobody seems to notice.

So Edward seems to be rich, cool, has his own car, his parents pull him out of school whenever it’s a really nice day and the faculty never complains (= his family has juice), so it would appear that he could choose whatever female(s) he wants and they’d be glad to get down with the program.

Perfect Dynamic

This sets up the perfect dynamic between Edward & Bella that she’s not supposed to be able to pull a guy as good as him and he’s not supposed to settle for a girl as mediocre as she is.

This is the format for the American female dream. Self-Validation through being selected by an elite male for her unique qualities. Without the male being elite, it’s not worth anything because “who cares?”. If the female had been stunning and all guys were chasing her, it wouldn’t have been worth anything because the average American female wouldn’t feel like the film was about *her*. This is a modern reenactment of John Hughes movies about the mechanic chick getting the guy that’s chasing beauty queens, except instead of it happening within the last five seconds of the movie before the credits, it happens towards the beginning of the film.

The basis, as usual, is the concept of “Love”. The way Love is sold to women is that it’s some supernatural occurrence that has no realistic explanation. The more of an explanation there is for it, the less valid it is. This is why you don’t get any credit for telling a gal she has a nice ass. She attributes your statement to LUST, which is low-rated when compared to LOVE, which is something you’re supposed to feel….. um… because you feel it and you can’t explain it. Lusting after her doesn’t make her feel unique, because you like a lot of chicks’ asses. If you’re “In love with her”, that means that she’s the only one that inspires you to feel a certain way and then it’s Game On!

Unfortunately for my ‘discovery’ of this film, I was aware ahead of time that Edward was a vampire and Bella was Human. As an editor, I’m going to be aware of this fact the entire time, because I would have been in charge of being aware of character development & continuity if I had edited this film myself. For this reason, when Bella walks into the class and passes in front of the fan and Edward covers his nose, I immediately considered that he was avoiding her because he considered her a tasty morsel, not because he was repulsed by her, as Bella assumed.

Natually, this gimmick was revisited during the baseball game scene when Edward tells Bella to put her hair down and then the breeze blows through it, sending her Human scent to James, the hunter vampire. This was another plot flaw, BTW, because the vampire female on Edward’s team had said she could smell Bella from across the field, yet James was standing right in front of her and didn’t detect her as Human until the wind blew past her in his direction.

American Dream

I realized how well this screenplay was written and why the phenomenon has become so huge during the car scene after Edward rescues Bella from a pending gangbang and is driving her away from the scene. Bella and Edward reach for the radio at the same time, and Bella goes “Your hand is so cold! :O”. This was my “AHA!” moment because this scene occurred maybe halfway through the entire movie. Edward had already saved her life from getting crushed by a van, hung out with her lots of times and now arrived out of nowhere to save her from four guys that were planning to tag up, and she had NEVER. TOUCHED. HIS. SKIN. BEFORE!!! O_o

This, my friends, is the American female dream… Something For Nothing. This guy was hanging out with her, courting her and protecting her and he had never even held her hand before. Never kissed her before. Never ****** her before. Nothing. There’s no explanation why he’s compelled to do things for her, which validates her as an unique female… a CUAO. From then on, I watched the physical interaction (or lack thereof) between Edward & Bella and realized how masterfully the sexual tension was built into this book which was adapted into a screenplay.

Kool-Aid

For some reason, Edward’s crew of vampires has sworn off eating people, although it’s natural to them. When Edward first smells Bella, he’s like “LUNCHTIME!!! :D” but he fights off his natural urges and disappears from school for a few days until he calms down. Meanwhile, Bella’s been experiencing some kind of inexplicable attraction to Edward which is of course attributed to “love”. Edward, then, for no apparent reason, saves Bella’s life, making her even more enthralled by the concept of being with him. When she finds out he’s a vampire, she declares that she doesn’t care and that she’s not afraid of him. Logically, she’s willing to risk her life to be with him being that she would have been dead already if he hadn’t saved her from being crushed, however, of course, this is utilized as another demonstration of how deep her LOVE is for Edward.

The real hook to this movie is the fact that Edward can’t physically interact with Bella for fear of losing control and killing her. He decides to make out with her one time and has to retreat from that situation. This is like Female Final Fantasy.. that a guy wants them so badly that it hurts, but at the same time, he’s not willing to pull the trigger. Brilliant! :D BRAVO!!! :D Excellent Writing! :D I wish I would have thought up “Vampires that restrain themselves from eating Humans” myself.

Edward fights for and protects Bella, declaring her his entire life, and he hasn’t even hit it yet. What girl isn’t gonna drop her drawers for *THAT*? :D He goes against his family, goes against the entire town, goes against regular vampires, faces off against wolves, *AND* even goes against his own natural urges to KILL BELLA because he’s in love with her.

On top of all that, he can read EVERYONE’S mind, except for hers. The new-girl outcast loner is SO unique and important! Of course chicks are gonna drink the Kool-Aid straight with no chaser, wipe their lips and ask you to pass them some more! :D

Be Edward

The obvious moral of this story for the fellaz is to BE EDWARD!!! :D

Some gals you can pull by telling them what you WILL do for them. Others, you can pull by telling them what you WON’T do. ;) Be the Alpha. Make her feel unique. Tell her what you want from her…….. and then tell her why you can’t or won’t pull the trigger. Sweetness! hehe Leave her wondering how it WOULD HAVE BEEN if she had hooked up with you.

A lot of chicks won’t give it up simply because they know you want it. It’s this weirdo mentality where they like to make themselves feel special or perhaps powerful by denying or defying you. I know you know what I’m talking about.. Everything’s going in the right direction, and all of a sudden, they’re backing away from you or they start playing games. The counter to this dumb way of being is to tell them what you’re NOT going to do so they attempt to defy you by making you do it.

You see this throughout the movie. Edward tells Bella he’s a killer, her response is that she’s not afraid of him. Edward seems to be repulsed by her when he has to sit next to her in class, she wants to confront him about that. Edward tells her he’s not going to tell her about himself, she insists. Edward tells her he’s not going to turn her into a vampire, she tells him she wants to live with him forever.

So.. If nothing in your usual repertoire’s working, flip the script. Be That Guy. Make her the star of your movie. Break out your “Something for Nothing” game. Let her know that you’re her American Dream.. just don’t give it to her… Just let the tension build and see what happens ;)

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I’m making a change to a pretty ambitious theme today (Friday, July 24) that I think is gonna look GREAT once I get all the changes done to the most recent entries, but is going to look pretty bad probably for the entire morning.

Also, I think I’m going to lose threaded comments using this theme, which will make some of the conversations look strange in the comments. I’ll see what I can do about that, but anyway, I wanted to make this post so you would know what’s going on this morning. I plan to be pretty well progressed by early afternoon.

Thanks for reading! :D
~Bill

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ok. So you went to the tech conference COUGHsxswCOUGH and you got your drink on and hooked up with that chick, right ;) …

Except the conference isn’t OVER YET, so you actually have to see her the next day ( hate it when THAT happens! :D ).

Here are your top 5 options on how to deal when you run into her today:

Act like you liked it when you didn’t

When your eyes meet, look at her like ” HEYYYYY! :D ” and smile. Extend your right hand so she extends hers, clasp it and use your left hand to pat her on the back. Pull her in close to you for a hug and whisper in her ear “That ish was the bomb last night, yo. Good Lookin’ Out.”

She will feel accomplished and your job is done. You’re now only responsible for winking at her a couple of times and some minor waves from across the room.

Act like you didn’t like it when you did

Calm down. Stop thinking about it. Hold your breath if you need to… Helps you focus on reality, right-now. Give her a nice hug. Remember to let her go. Small-talk with her, then say something like “You know… We got really DRUNK together last night…” or “I really don’t want last night to come between us and our friendship” or “I care about you too much blah blah blah we shouldn’t do that ever again”.

Try to sound sincere when you’re saying this. If you hear your voice trembling because you’re lying, drink some water. Also, if you feel like you’re starting to get aroused again as soon as you see her, skip the “hug” part.

Act like it didn’t happen

Some people have the ability to drink alcohol until their long-term memory gets erased. I mean… That’s what I heard.

Use this to your advantage. Make sure that you have a drink in your hand BEFORE you kick it to her. That way, she can’t tell how blitzed you were before the fact. Also, remember what you talked about with her and how you felt BEFORE you told her to meet you in the ladies’ room.

Now… When you see her coming, access that memory from before you hooked up with her and act like that was the last time you ever saw her. Got that? ok, Good. Look at her, smile and wave at her like a platonic friend. Give her a basic two-arm hug with no kiss on the cheek. Squeeze her tight. Let her go. Look her in the eye and go:

” So… What’d YOU do last night? :D ”

Act like you don’t remember her

Just in case you don’t think you can pull off “Act like it didn’t happen”, roll your relationship all the way back to never having met her IRL at all.

When you see her, dont’ smile. Get this ??? look, like “Is that my Facebook friend, whomever?”, but you’re not really sure if it’s her or not. Prepare a derivative of her name. Like, if her name’s “Annie”, when you get within earshot (nowhere near her), yell out “Annette?”

When her face twists up, like “What’s this idiot talking about?”, go ” It’s ME, [name]… We’re Facebook friends! Nice to meet you, finally, in person! :D ”

This is why you want to start this technique far away. If she believes you forgot her, she’s going to be disappointed. If she thinks you’re trying to get over, she’s going to be MAD! :D Figure this out before you get within arm’s reach so you can decide whether to continue walking towards her or break hard right and call Maverick for backup.

Tell the truth

This is the least-utilized Morning-After option. I mean, actually, the most utilized option is Emergency Contraceptive Pills but that’s a different topic.

If it was good, and you don’t mind her knowing that you’re SPRUNG and riding her bra-strap now, fess up and let her know how good a time you had and how you haven’t stopped thinking about it this whole time. Hopefully, she’ll be honest with you too and it goes where it goes….

If it wasn’t good, I guess you could still use “Act like you didn’t like it”, except you wouldn’t be acting. There are basically two ways you can carry this. You can go the “let her down easy” route, with some kind of “It’s not you, it’s me” statement. This is basically a copout, unless it really WAS you and you didn’t REP-RE-SENT last night! hahaha :D

The other option is to look out for her as your Homie… you know? As a true friend… And go the “Tough Love” route with something like:

“Yo… Have you ever heard of Kegel Exercises?”

~Bill

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