Trumpesque Dating Techniques

How to apply techniques utilized in Presidential campaigns to increase the success of your dating career.

Now that I’ve become aware that you can’t be disqualified for attempting to become the President of the United States of America due to mental deficiency or illness, I think I’ll try some similar dating techniques that definitely shouldn’t work, but apparently approximately 50% of the women in this country might fall for them anyway.

Conversation Styles

Her: “Where were you born? :D”
Me: “In a crossfire hurricane…… And I howled at my Ma in the driving rain……… But it’s alright now. In fact it’s a gas. :D”
Her: “That’s so fascinating! :D” Continue reading “Trumpesque Dating Techniques”

Morning-After Conduct

ok. So you went to the tech conference COUGHsxswCOUGH and you got your drink on and hooked up with that chick, right ๐Ÿ˜‰ โ€ฆ

Except the conference isnโ€™t OVER YET, so you actually have to see her the next day ( hate it when THAT happens! ๐Ÿ˜€ ).

Here are your top 5 options on how to deal when you run into her today:

ok. So you went to the tech conference COUGHsxswCOUGH and you got your drink on and hooked up with that chick, right ๐Ÿ˜‰ …

Except the conference isn’t OVER YET, so you actually have to see her the next day ( hate it when THAT happens! ๐Ÿ˜€ ).

Here are your top 5 options on how to deal when you run into her today:

Act like you liked it when you didn’t

When your eyes meet, look at her like ” HEYYYYY! ๐Ÿ˜€ ” and smile. Extend your right hand so she extends hers, clasp it and use your left hand to pat her on the back. Pull her in close to you for a hug and whisper in her ear “That ish was the bomb last night, yo. Good Lookin’ Out.”

She will feel accomplished and your job is done. You’re now only responsible for winking at her a couple of times and some minor waves from across the room.

Act like you didn’t like it when you did

Calm down. Stop thinking about it. Hold your breath if you need to… Helps you focus on reality, right-now. Give her a nice hug. Remember to let her go. Small-talk with her, then say something like “You know… We got really DRUNK together last night…” or “I really don’t want last night to come between us and our friendship” or “I care about you too much blah blah blah we shouldn’t do that ever again”.

Try to sound sincere when you’re saying this. If you hear your voice trembling because you’re lying, drink some water. Also, if you feel like you’re starting to get aroused again as soon as you see her, skip the “hug” part. Continue reading “Morning-After Conduct”