Tiger Woods Press Conference Takeaways

Tiger Woods spoke in a press conference just now. Here’s what I got out of it:

Tiger looks good. It doesn’t look like he went through plastic surgery.

According to the written speech, he’s deeply sorry for his selfish and irresponsible behavior.

He’s not as good at reading as he is at golf.

He did better than Chris Brown did, at least.

He sounds rather robotic, like “YABBA. DABBA. DOO”.

Tiger Woods does a lot for the children of the world, and he’s dedicated to making sure that continues.

He’s reading off of a paper to express that he didn’t get jacked up by his wife, Elin.

Tiger was taught to believe in core values, but he convinced himself that normal rules didn’t apply. He never thought about who he was hurting. He thought only about himself. He thought he could get away with anything he wanted to. Continue reading “Tiger Woods Press Conference Takeaways”

Sex Addiction Therapy & Rehab?

First things First… There are Sex Addicts and there are guys that like to ****.

Sex Rehab?There are guys that like to **** several chicks consecutively or simultaneously.

There are guys that would **** all day if they could.

There are guys that would **** on a box, near a fox, or while eating Green Eggs & Ham and NOT *ONE* of these guys are ADDICTS. O_o

Somehow.. It’s become trendy that when dudes get busted doing what they like to do, they can now rely on this little automatic backup parachute that’s triggered after your main parachute fails you while you’re plummeting towards the Earth while skydiving, which is called SEX REHAB!!! 😀

The Problem

Back in the day, chicks were just SOL when their man got busted cheating. \o/ If it was a politician, the chick did the Perp Walk with him to the podium and stood there like a small child that didn’t understand English while her husband admitted to The Entire World that even though he’s married to this chick next to him, he likes to “Get In where he Fit In”.

Meanwhile, dude’s pockets were SOL when she did the Eddie Murphy on him and shuffled off to Buffalo with HALF!!! 😀 haha That was the arrangement. Do what you can until you get busted and then you lose your main chick, probably your kids and definitely your money.

The Solution

At some point, some genius figured out that there was a way to keep the chick, kids & cash. They changed the response for “How come you did XYZ with that chick?” from “I felt like it” or “That’s what I do” or “She was there” to “I’m addicted to women?.. and I need… HELP?” Continue reading “Sex Addiction Therapy & Rehab?”

Tell Chicks You’re Crazy!

Check these chicks out talking about how sexy it is that a guy goes to therapy:

Now, this is one of those things that you can completely take advantage of. It’s pretty much a New York City staple for people to be in “therapy”. If you don’t know what therapy is, it’s when someone smarter than you tells you what’s really going on in your life that you can’t see yourself. So, basically, a chick goes to the therapist and lays down on the couch (did you ever actually notice that “Therapist” spells “The Rapist”?) and says “People think I’m a ho, and I can’t stand that”. The therapist goes “How many guys did you have sex with in the same group?”, and then she says “10… Wait… 11.” So then the therapist says “Guys think you’re easy because they all got some, effortlessly” and then bills you for their wisdom.

I hadn’t thought of this before, but this is a brilliant way to get over. Tell chicks you’re crazy. You’re insane, except!!!…. You’re WORKIN’ ON IT! 😀 Continue reading “Tell Chicks You’re Crazy!”