Back once again to save your day (or, your entire dating career, for that matter), Lindz & Bill return with our top 10 tips on “How To Marry A Prince”!!! :D

Lindz (urbanupdater.com)

1. Start saving your pennies now! – We all know princes are filthy rich, but that doesn’t mean they want you to be their charity case. Knowing that his princess works hard and can take care of herself financially is a turn on for him. Let’s be honest.. You really won’t have to.. It’s just in theory. Read the rest of this entry »

As a follow-up to my 2008 post “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating”, I’d like to offer the ladies some of my top tips for those of y’all that are currently involved in the dating scene: Read the rest of this entry »

As a follow-up to my 2008 post “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating”, I’d like to offer the ladies some of my top tips for those of y’all that are currently involved in the dating scene: Read the rest of this entry »

As a follow-up to my 2008 post “Women’s Guide to NYC Dating”, I’d like to offer the ladies some of my top tips for those of y’all that are currently involved in the dating scene: Read the rest of this entry »

First of all, nobody knows what happened (if anything) the other day between Chris Brown & Rihanna. You know how the internet works… Somebody says something and somebody else believes it and reports it as truth then somebody else exaggerates the first “truth” and you end up with all this garbage.

Here’s some of what the Associated Press (AP) reported yesterday:

John Rogers: LOS ANGELES (AP) — Chris Brown, who was arrested a week ago in connection with a domestic violence investigation, said Sunday he is “sorry and saddened” by what happened and is seeking counseling from his pastor and loved ones.

The 19-year-old R&B singer also said much of what has been reported of the incident is untrue, although he did not elaborate.

“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person,” Brown said in a statement issued through publicist Michael Sitrick.

“Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and-or reported in the media is wrong,” he added. But he said he couldn’t discuss that in detail until his case is resolved.

Brown surrendered to Los Angeles police on Feb. 8 and was released on $50,000 bail after being booked for investigation of making a criminal threat, a felony. He has not been charged by the district attorney’s office, which is still investigating the case.

His arrest reportedly stemmed from an argument with his girlfriend, fellow singer Rihanna, shortly after they left a pre-Grammy Awards party.

Now.. Other than that, there are a lot of rumors floating around. There’s a lot of SPECULATION about what started the argument, what happened during the argument, what was said during the argument and even what had occurred between them BEFORE that day, as far as physical altercations, none of which appear to stem from actual eye-witness accounts.

So let’s take a few of these rumored situations and discuss ways to deal with them… But first….

Where to start a fight

Photo Credit: TMZ

In case you don’t know what a Lamborghini is, this is what it looks like. It basically looks like a race car that belongs on the track or on television, except it’s rolling down the street like a pink elephant.

I don’t believe there has been one time, EVAR, that I have been in the presence of a Lamborghini and not looked at it until it was ALL THE WAY out of my line of sight. Never.

The point being… If you DID decide to kick someone’s ass and you intend to get away with it, inside a pink elephant with windows is NOT the place to do it. Even if you escape the scene, the witnesses are going to say “Well… I didn’t catch a glimpse of who it was…… but he drove off in a LAMBORGHINI.

On top of that, if you rented the car, you have to RETURN IT, and trust me, if rental places check for damage you caused in a U-Haul (which I know about), they’ll check for damage you caused IN A LAMBORGHINI (which I know nothing about).

ok.. On with the rumors: Read the rest of this entry »

It’s 2009 now, and everybody and LITERALLY their mother has their own web show. *yawn*

It’s time to move forward. This year is all about Live Streaming. All of a sudden, everybody wants to do it, but they just don’t know how. They think that turning on a webcam and having any audio at all equates to a quality experience for their viewers. Nope. That’s not how it works.

Here’s a list of live streaming tips that will bring you from ZERO to HERO in no time flat:

2006

This is a screencap from November 2006 from Jonny Goldstein‘s live show, “Reinventing Television”. I’m not on screen, but I’m in the text chat.

2008

Read the rest of this entry »

Lindz & Bill return just in time to save your relationship with the Top Ten Valentine’s Day DON’Ts!!!

L = Lindsey Chen

B = Bill Cammack

1. Don’t FORGET

B: If Saturday, February 14th, 2009 rolls around and you’re Cold Lampin’ on the couch with the remote, your brew and some chips, you just blew it. Valentine’s Day will either make or break your coming year with your girl. Whatever you do or don’t do, she’s going to carry that with her for MONTHS.

You still have two weeks left, so think ahead… If you need to hit Chinatown and put that bracelet on layaway… make it happen. Also, make those restaurant reservations NOW! You’ll never hear the end of it if y’all get jerked at the door and you end up in the bootleg, sharing a 40 and a snack box for V-Day dinner.

L: Totally. Once I dated this guy who forgot about Valentines Day… and took me to a crappy diner. Meanwhile the whole time I’m thinking is, “is this guy for real?” As if I am going to fall for that BS. I dumped him immediately. Ladies, if this happens to you, its not only a jerk move, but its an indication of your future. Right now he’s forgetting about Valentine’s Day, but soon it will be your birthday, you date on Saturday night, the money he owed you for rent, the ice cream bars you asked him to pick up from the store, the list goes on.

2. Don’t order first

B: When the waitress comes over, don’t go “YEAH, I WOULD LIKE…..” Show some class, and let the lady order first. If she’s not ready, tell the waitress you need some more time. NEVER order first. DO. NOT. ORDER. FIRST! hahaha :D If she insists that you order first, stay shut. This is absolutely non-negotiable. If you order first on your own, you’re a neanderthal. If you let her PRESSURE YOU into ordering first, you’re a wuss. Neither one is good, so keep it SHUT until she orders.

Don’t overdo it, though. Some guys like to try and order FOR their women. No good. Unless you know what she likes, AND what she wants right now, don’t do it. The only way to be guaranteed of doing this properly is if you ASK HER what she wants, and when the waitress comes over, you inform her “The Lady Will Have…” and order your food AFTER she takes your girlfriend’s order.

PS – I know it will be a waitress, because they don’t hire waiters in Hooters.

L: On that note, if your man takes you to Hooters, (sorry Bill), refer to #1 and D-U-M-P. Unless of course, you love hooters or you’re a hooters girl and you have to work on Valentine’s Day. If you jump the gun and order before her, that translates to, she’s just another ‘friend’ and you’re not a gentleman. Let her order first, even if it takes 10 minutes and you know what you want. On that note, open doors… ALWAYS.

3. Don’t take her to the sports bar

Read the rest of this entry »

In these jacked-up financial times, A LOT of men (and women) are losing their jobs. Check out this ridiculously long line of people trying to get PAID:

Now, it’s bad enough to lose your source of income AND your entire social set in one fell swoop. It’s even WORSE when your lady steps to the left because you’re not bringing home your portion of the rent…. Well…. It’s even *WORSE* if she makes *YOU* step to the left, like happened to Wesley in “Jungle Fever”, but we won’t think about that right now. :D

Having grown up in the ghetto… ok… Having grown up WITH people who lived in the ghetto, I’m well-versed in getting and KEEPING women on a low budget. Those of youse that have always pulled women with all your money, cars and houses might be S.O.L. without your gimmicks, so here are five things you can do to stay in position and keep your woman in pocket: Read the rest of this entry »

Inititally, I wanted to make ONE post about The Maury Show, but I realized in discussing the concept with some of my lady friends that there are just too many topics to go over, so I’m going to have to make this a series.

Now, The Maury Show is very, very, VERY funny. It’s also sad, pathetic and depressing, but if you can get past the fact that these are real people on the stage, you can focus on laughing instead of crying.

This is not by luck or chance. It’s not an error. They don’t just HAPPEN to people involved in these weirdo circumstances by pot luck. It’s a setup…. It’s a setup, and the joke’s on YOU, Jack. :D

This series, “Maury Show Tips”, is going to help you help yourself just in case you end up on the show. Like all self-help situations, most of which end in “anonymous”, we have to begin with a basic premise that you will need to accept before you can absorb what I’m saying, understand it and utilize it in the near future. This basic, fundamental and ALL-IMPORTANT premise is:

You. Are. An. Idiot.

Now, this is very important. Read the rest of this entry »

ok… Let’s say you’re the type of guy that has no control over his woman, and you let her get out of shape… THEN… Let’s say you’re also the type of guy that isn’t willing to dump her for insubordination. Now, you have a problem… She’s too busted to have sex with. You’re just not interested… Actually, it’s worse than that, you ARE interested in sex, until you see HER! :D

So you’re stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place… no pun intended… You still have to hang out with this chick, but you’re dreading her tryinna press up on you and get some. What to do??? Follow The Kid‘s top 5 tips for avoiding having sex with your busted girlfriend:

1) Man The #*$& UP!

That’s right. MAN.UP. Let her know what TIME it is. She’s busted, you’re not interested, and she’s not “gettin’ none” until she shapes up or ships the #*$& out.

This is YOUR problem, not hers. She’s COOL with how she looks! ‘Matter of fact, she’s probably wondering what’s wrong with YOU that you don’t want to hit it anymore. Do yourself a favor and break it down to her. Honesty’s the best policy, right? :D Aren’t women always clamoring for “the truth”? Well, let her HAVE IT!

Actually, this technique works regardless of her reaction. If she listens to you, she goes back to the gym and gets back in #*$&able shape. If she doesn’t like what you said, she gets mad at you, and you know what that means… SEX EMBARGO!!!

Problem solved.

2) Come home tired

While it’s clear that sex is a basic male need, it’s technically trumped by a couple of things… such as drinking water and SLEEPING. If you just can’t bring yourself to let her know that looking at her body’s “ruining your buzz”, make sure you only come home when you’ve already been awake for at least 18 hours. This will help you pull off authentic and convincing yawns, and hopefully, you’ll actually be asleep before she gets to take her clothes off.

3) Keep the lights on

It’s a commonly-known and oft-used trick between busted females to turn the lights off when they want to have sex with you. Obviously, this helps you to forget what she looks like and imagine that you’re about to have sex with an attractive chick. This is almost as effective as the “look at a porno mag over her shoulder” technique. Depending on how good your memory is and how many hot women you saw on your way to and from work today, you might just go ahead and tap that… since it’s there.

In order to avoid this, keep the lights on at all times, to ensure “technical difficulties”.

4) Come home satisfied

Stop of at an attractive chick’s house on the way home from work so you can have sex you actually ENJOY! :D This will help you put the so-called sex you’re having with your busted girl into proper mental perspective as well as make you more tired (#2), more likely to MAN UP (#1), and less likely to fall for the okey-doke when she reaches for that light switch (#3). :D

5) Come home exhausted

Do what you have to do to walk in the door physically exhausted. Hit the gym for a couple of hours every day after work. Leave your car in the driveway and jog all the way to and from work. Take a second job mowing people’s lawns. Do anything you can do so it’s clear that you can’t do anymore strenuous physical activity that day (read: EVERY day).

Warning: This one might backfire on you if she likes “Woman On Top”. :(

~Bill

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According to Webster’s, a misanthrope is a person who hates or distrusts humankind. Now… Just because you hate people in general, that doesn’t mean that you can’t date them, or that you shouldn’t. :D

Most likely, the reason you don’t like people isn’t because of the way they look, smell or taste… It’s probably that they say retarded things that get on your very last nerve. You’re gaining insight into their personalities or lack of education which increases the natural disdain that you had for them the first time you ever laid eyes on them.

All you need to do is follow The Kid‘s 5 tips for dating people you don’t actually like or have a shred of respect for, and you’ll be happily dating in no time! :D

1) Take your dates to the movies

In order for you to successfully date, you need to AVOID hearing what the other person has to say at all costs. The less you hear, the more you’re going to like her and the better your date will be. Invite her out to the movies. Tell her you’ll get the tickets, and to meet you right at the theater at the exact time that the movie’s scheduled to start. Oh… do this by text message or email so as to avoid any unnecessary yammering she might do which will cause you to bail out on the date. Also find out if she wants popcorn, soda, etc ahead of time, so you can stock up on those before she meets you.

When she gets there, kiss her “hello”, give her some random compliment, like about he eyes or her hair, give her her food and hurry into the theater before she can strike up a conversation. If she starts talking before you get down the hall, ask her if her popcorn has enough butter on it so she starts eating it.

You may have to suffer a bit through the commercials, but once the movie starts, you’re golden. Do the “Richie Cunningham” to get your arm around her, then relate to her for the next two hours via touch and eye contact. When she tries to actually say something, shush her, reminding her that you’re both listening to the movie… together!… then go back to touch and eye contact.

Also, make sure you informed her you’d have to skate (slang for “leave really quickly”) right after the movie, when you initially made plans with her. Credits roll. Kiss her good night. Tell her you had a great time and then break north with no delay.

2) Take your dates to loud places

I discovered this technique by accident. I was in a bar, speaking with someone and barely able to hear them. I guess the crowd got louder, because someone turned the music up, and I was no longer able to hear this person that I was right next to. My first instinct was to wait it out, figuring that I’d be able to understand them a few seconds later. That never happened. What DID happen was….. They kept talking as long as I kept looking at them and nodding! :D

This style is INVALUABLE for a misanthrope! All you have to do is take her to a place that you know plays loud music, like a dance club or a concert. It’s the best of both worlds. You can still utilize your touch and eye contact skillz that you perfected during your many movie theater dates, but you can’t hear a single word she’s saying! :D

Compound the effectiveness of this technique by imagining that she’s saying really intelligent and fascinating things that make you feel more love and respect for her by the minute.

Just as the concert’s ending or they’re turning on the lights in the club, tell her you have to skate, and break north with no delay.

3) Make sure your date is insanely physically attractive

Of course, this is your goal in ANY dating situation… but it’s extra-important for misanthropes. The better-looking she is, the more bullshit you’ll be able to tolerate.

Physically, this has something to do with chemicals released in your body when she’s around that keep you from doing stupid things, such as erasing her number or moving in the opposite direction of her present location. Mentally, it’s like Spike Lee said in “She’s Gotta Have It”:

“You don’t throw away a Rolls Royce because it has a dent in it”

On top of that (no pun intended), the better-looking she is, the more time you’ll spend having sex with her, which means the less time she’ll be talking. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably be bumbling and stammering like an idiot, but at least you’ll be able to convince yourself that the reason she can’t form proper English sentences right now is because you’re hittin’ that spot! :D

4) Make sure you use condoms

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating a person they think is beneath them….. Is that a fair statement? Probably not. You can probably hate someone without thinking you’re better than they are… Weird… Anyway…..

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating someone they think is beneath them… it’s accidentally having inferior kids with them. I mean, it’s one thing when someone with no connection to you AT ALL is a blithering idiot, but it’s like if her “dumb genes” happen to be dominant instead of your “smart genes”, you’re gonna be REAL SOUR for at least the next 18 years.

So, you know the drill… If you use these techniques to tolerate her long enough to have sex with her, don’t fumble on the 2-yard line! Wrap it up! No Glove, No Love!… NAH MEEN? :D

5) Learn to talk to yourself

A lot of your problem with people isn’t actually how stupid they are, but rather that you hold all your disdain in and you don’t have an outlet to share how retarded you think people are with someone who COMPLETELY understands what you’re telling them and feels the exact same way about it. This is why you need to become your own traveling commiseration companion:

You: Oh. My. *GOD*, that was the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard!
You: I know… she’s an idiot.
You: TELL me about it! DAMN!!!
You: Amazing, isn’t it?
You: omg! grr
You: Ah, well, what did you expect?
You: Yeah… You’re right. Forget it.

See how you calmed yourself down? Learn to do this when you feel yourself losing it, and you’ll be able to keep yourself in the game long enough to get to the good part! :D

~Bill

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When a woman leaves you, you may feel heartbroken, depressed, wistful, horny, betrayed, disappointed… :( any number of feelings, consecutively or simultaneously. Here are five tips on how to move on with your life, and learn to love again………

1) Have sex with her sister

hahahahaha Just Kidding! :D

… unless her sister’s HAWT! Read the rest of this entry »