Back once again to save your day (or, your entire dating career, for that matter), Lindz & Bill return with our top 10 tips on “How To Marry A Prince”!!! :D

Lindz (urbanupdater.com)

1. Start saving your pennies now! – We all know princes are filthy rich, but that doesn’t mean they want you to be their charity case. Knowing that his princess works hard and can take care of herself financially is a turn on for him. Let’s be honest.. You really won’t have to.. It’s just in theory.

2. Commit yourself… To him: Even if you break up (That is.. If you still think you want a chance) – Notice how Prince William dated all kinds of different women when he broke up with Kate, but she dated NO ONE. That’s because a prince doesn’t want someone else’s leftovers. And if a Prince doesn’t want it, he doesn’t have to have it.

3. Know what a fascinator is.. And wear one – Even if you think it looks ridiculous, a prince wants a lady who’s put together, and fascinators make you look important.

4. Don’t bask in the limelight – That’s just bad form. You did this because you love him, not to get famous, right?

5. Don’t wear those shirts that say “It’s Not Easy Being a Princess” – Let’s just say you wouldn’t want to have an operation done by a doctor wearing a shirt that says “Trust Me, I’m a Doctor”. Case in point.

Bill (facebook.com/ReelSolid.TV)

6. Meet a prince – Princes don’t hang out at your job, in your apartment, or at your local bar. Find out where princes chill, like the polo club or whatever, and go post up there.

7. Carry yourself regally – Princes don’t want paupers. They want refined women that just happen to have been overlooked somehow. Be that woman.. Make him feel lucky that he found you, instead of the other way around.

8. Play Your Position – Recognize that you won’t be calling ANY shots, because he’s royalty by blood and you aren’t… However.. Expect and demand that your prince treats you with the proper respect and reverence as should be afforded that special gal that he selected to be his *only* woman AND bear him a couple dozen heirs.

9. Cultivate skills other than sex and cooking – The basics are only going to get you the audition. If you want to make it onto the roster and eventually become the cream that rises to the top, you’re going to have to have a lot more going for you than the same thing that all the other women offer him every day of the week.

10. Don’t go outside looking busted – Make sure you look stunning at all times. Women that princes date REMAIN paparazzi-fodder. A prince wants people to read the tabloids and say he’s extremely lucky to be marrying that woman, instead of “Dag! o_O .. He must have gotten her pregnant! :(”
–
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Lindz & Bill WorldWide As Usual, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Recent Visitor map for Lindsey Chen & Bill Cammack’s article: "Top 10 Reasons to Date a Geek"

Post: May 20, 2009 10:57 am

Screenshot: May 23, 2009 11:00 pm (84 hours live)

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Lindz & Bill WorldWide!!!, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Recent Visitor map for Lindsey Chen & Bill Cammack’s article: “Top Ten Valentine’s Day DON’Ts!”

Post: January 29, 2009 5:54 pm

Screenshot: January 30, 2009 8:56 am (15 hours live)

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Lindz & Bill return just in time to save your relationship with the Top Ten Valentine’s Day DON’Ts!!!

L = Lindsey Chen

B = Bill Cammack

1. Don’t FORGET

B: If Saturday, February 14th, 2009 rolls around and you’re Cold Lampin’ on the couch with the remote, your brew and some chips, you just blew it. Valentine’s Day will either make or break your coming year with your girl. Whatever you do or don’t do, she’s going to carry that with her for MONTHS.

You still have two weeks left, so think ahead… If you need to hit Chinatown and put that bracelet on layaway… make it happen. Also, make those restaurant reservations NOW! You’ll never hear the end of it if y’all get jerked at the door and you end up in the bootleg, sharing a 40 and a snack box for V-Day dinner.

L: Totally. Once I dated this guy who forgot about Valentines Day… and took me to a crappy diner. Meanwhile the whole time I’m thinking is, “is this guy for real?” As if I am going to fall for that BS. I dumped him immediately. Ladies, if this happens to you, its not only a jerk move, but its an indication of your future. Right now he’s forgetting about Valentine’s Day, but soon it will be your birthday, you date on Saturday night, the money he owed you for rent, the ice cream bars you asked him to pick up from the store, the list goes on.

2. Don’t order first

B: When the waitress comes over, don’t go “YEAH, I WOULD LIKE…..” Show some class, and let the lady order first. If she’s not ready, tell the waitress you need some more time. NEVER order first. DO. NOT. ORDER. FIRST! hahaha :D If she insists that you order first, stay shut. This is absolutely non-negotiable. If you order first on your own, you’re a neanderthal. If you let her PRESSURE YOU into ordering first, you’re a wuss. Neither one is good, so keep it SHUT until she orders.

Don’t overdo it, though. Some guys like to try and order FOR their women. No good. Unless you know what she likes, AND what she wants right now, don’t do it. The only way to be guaranteed of doing this properly is if you ASK HER what she wants, and when the waitress comes over, you inform her “The Lady Will Have…” and order your food AFTER she takes your girlfriend’s order.

PS – I know it will be a waitress, because they don’t hire waiters in Hooters.

L: On that note, if your man takes you to Hooters, (sorry Bill), refer to #1 and D-U-M-P. Unless of course, you love hooters or you’re a hooters girl and you have to work on Valentine’s Day. If you jump the gun and order before her, that translates to, she’s just another ‘friend’ and you’re not a gentleman. Let her order first, even if it takes 10 minutes and you know what you want. On that note, open doors… ALWAYS.

3. Don’t take her to the sports bar

B: Valentine’s Day is not about YOU. It’s about HER. Take her where SHE wants to go instead of where YOU want to go! YOUR holiday is NEXT MONTH, on March 14th, when everyone celebrates Steak & Blowjob Day.

Forget about that for now… Focus on romance and flowers and candy and candlelight dinners and walking arm-in-arm and all that good stuff that she’s been looking forward to for the entire year since LAST V-Day.

L: This is especially true if you’re not a touchy – feely person. Maybe you don’t like to hold hands in public or you aren’t the ‘type’ of guy to bring her flowers. Do yourself a favor and do it for her. It’s her day, not yours. When Superbowl Sunday rolls around, that’s YOUR day. But on this special day, do what she wants.

4. Don’t set the bar too high

B: Do NOT go All-Out on V-Day. She’s taking notes. Whatever you do for her on February 14th, she’s going to compare what you do for her the entire rest of the year against it. If you’re 100% fly one day of the year, that means you’re probably 100% wack on the other 364.

Even it out. You SHOULD have been doing great stuff for her all year anyway, which would have relieved most of your V-Day performance anxiety.

L: Very good point. If you take her to a fancy steak house on Valentine’s Day then take her to Taco Bell on your other dates, you can consider yourself done. Don’t take her somewhere where she’s thinking, holy shit did someone just die and he inherited a million dollars? OR is this guy smoking crack? Surprises are good, but make sure if you do something THAT GOOD, you can keep up with it for the rest of your relationship with her. Remember, as time goes on, she’s just going to expect MORE.

5. Don’t take calls/texts from your ex

B: If there’s ANY TIME of the ENTIRE YEAR that you need to at least ACT LIKE it’s all about your girlfriend, Valentine’s Day is IT. Focus. FOCUS! *FOCUS*!!! Do not accept calls and gleefully chatter away with your ex-girlfriend while your current girlfriend’s can see/hear you. If you just HAVE TO talk to your ex, excuse yourself to the men’s room or pretend you’re going outside to smoke.

There’s no reason AT ALL to talk to an ex-girlfriend on V-Day…….. unless, of course, you’re making plans with her to tap that later on this evening.

L: And if it’s the latter, then either you’re a playa or you’re a jerk. Haven’t decided yet. And a note to self, if you do end up picking up the phone from your ex and you remember what Bill said earlier, don’t worry, just say “Hey Mom, Happy Valentine’s Day. Yeah, she’s good, ok great, Thanks, You too, I love you, talk to you later.” Works every time.

6. Don’t *NOT* send her flowers at work

L: You see, there’s an unspoken game that goes on at everyone’s work on Valentine’s Day. It’s called “My boyfriend/husband loves me more than yours does.” When the flower guy comes to deliver flowers, all the women’s heads shoot up thinking, “I hope they’re for me.” Of course, if you’re the person that doesn’t get flowers on Valentine’s Day, everything thinks, “She must be in a fight” or “He must not really love her.” You want your girlfriend to feel like the most special girl every and everyone to envy her at work. Then she’ll win the game. That’s how it works. And if you can’t afford $100 flowers (because that’s how much they cost on V day) then buy some from a flower shop and have your friend (who no one in her office knows) deliver them. Throw in a cupcake and your’re golden.

B: I was going to say this one in my five. This is EXTREMELY CRITICAL. First of all, you HAVE TO send them to her job. Second, you HAVE TO send them EARLY, so her girlfriends sweat her all day while she feels comfortable and loved and NOT ANXIOUS as far as whether she’s gonna get hers before the whistle blows @ 5pm. Third, like Lindz said… Go BIG or Go HOME!!! If you can’t shell out the ducats for the flower shop action, go to any ghetto area and look for a store with a fruit stand. Roses will be either $1 per or $2 per. Either way, $50 or less gets you two dozen long-stemmed roses, wrapped. Get your boy to deliver them and get ready to be treated like a *KING* after she gets out of work. :D

7. Don’t be uncomfortable just to impress him

L: The last thing you’re boyfriend/husband/date wants to hear on Valentine’s Day is you complaining that your feet hurt. I’m sure he hears it enough as it is. While you don’t want to look like a hobo (Think the Olsen Twins), you don’t want to look like a hooker. That’s for later in the bedroom. However, you do want to wear something that sets apart this outfit from your regular ‘date’ outfits. Throw a flower in your hair, wear sparkly earrings, get your nails done. Look presentable, but make sure you won’t complain about it later on.

B: You don’t even know, L…. I’ve been saying this EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND. of the winter hahaha. Ladies, PLEASE, PLEASE do yourselves a favor and dress for the elements. STOP rocking high-heel regular shoes in the snow. STOP rocking Mini-Skirts when the temperature’s below 30 degrees. STOP wearing those short, “cute” jackets and shivering while you’re waiting outside on the line to get in that club. That’s not showing DEDICATION. That’s showing that you’re completely INSECURE and don’t think anybody’s going to think you’re attractive unless they can see every inch of your T&A.

If you need to learn how to dress in the winter, come around the way and see how fly the girls rock their Timberlands and North Face jackets and STILL have guys falling all over each other and THEMSELVES to try to rap to them.

8. Don’t be a drunken whore

Yes you’ll order a bottle of wine, or maybe a couple, but don’t overdo it just because its a holiday. Besides bringing up past ex’s the only other turnoff is if he has to hold your hair back while you puke in the street, toilet or heaven forbid on his shoes. This is not a fraternity formal. Plus, if you’re too drunk and he’s too drunk then you’ll probably just go home and pass out. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is LAME.

B: Good advice. However, this is also a function of her man doing the right thing with #4: “Don’t set the bar too high”. Don’t ply your girl with Colt 45 or PBR all year and then break out the Dom, Moet & Cordon Negro on V-Day. That’s the sure-fire way to put her out of commission. Not only that, but when she wakes up she MIGHT NOT even remember all the stuff you did for her on her special day. :/

Of course… This would help you with #1, in case you forgot what day it was, entirely. Pick up the champagne, get her drunk, then when she wakes up, explain to her how you took her to Tavern On The Green and then a Horse & Carriage Ride around Central Park before she passed out.

9. Don’t always assume he’s going to foot the bill

L: AKA, bring a wallet. I knew a girl that would go on dates and just ‘forget’ her wallet at home. That girl, I call a pretentious bitch. It’s the 21st century and while yes, 99% of males will pay for the date, WHAT IF you happen to go out with the other 1%? Plus, if you opt to grab a coffee or ice cream after the restaurant, then you should probably insist to pay. Or if you go straight home, pay for the cab. It’s rude to assume that he will always pay. Plus it makes you seem more independent and confident.

B: DEFINITELY bring a wallet. If he can’t pay the bill, they’re going to want cold, hard cash from you…… unless you have dish-washing or table/pole-dancing skillz.

10. Don’t Cancel

L: This is probably the #1 reason to dump the person over the phone, via email or text. If you cancel the day of, he has a right to dump you because you’re a heartless bitch. If he puts all the time and effort into this day to essentialy celebrate you, then you need to go. I don’t care if your dog or cat died the night before. If you’re not in the hospital or dead, then you best be showing up. Common courtesy. On the flip side, if he does this to you dump him. If he stands you up this time or cancels last minute, then you know that he doesn’t have the sense to know its wrong and unacceptable and he’s do it again in the future. Except next time, it might be your wedding day.

B: Rep-Re-SENT!… Preach!.. PREACH!!! :D

Oh man. I can’t imagine after all that planning and getting a haircut and getting new gear for the date and all those trips to Chinatown for the layaway, if she just… Canceled. omg. If you’re not in the hospital or dead, you’d best be in line at the courthouse for that RESTRAINING ORDER, because that’s just wrong.

As for the fellaz… If you don’t make it to the V-Day date, you’d better bring back proof that you were IN JAIL or don’t bother showing up to her crib ever again. Instead of “that time of the month”, it’ll *usually* be “that time of the *WEEK*” when it comes to you getting some, so you’d be better off just starting all over with a new chick.

Lindz & Bill

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L = Lindsey Chen B = Bill Cammack

B: Since Lindz and I got on the chicks about mistakes they make when trying to get a guy, it’s only fair that we let the fellaz know what THEY’RE doing wrong as well. :D

1) Wearing the same clothes

B: No… I don’t mean rocking the same gear every day… I mean dressing up the same way as the guy next to you… and the guy next to him… and the guy next to him…….

See, unfortunately, everybody had the same idea you had and went to the mall and bought the exact same shirt. So… Instead of indicating that you’re aware of the fashion trends, you’re indicating that you’re a drone. You have no personal style. Everybody knows that when someone else dictates to you that you should wear something different, that’s what you’re gonna do. No good.

Figure out stuff that YOU like to wear and that YOU look good in and that represents who YOU are as a person, and make up your own style. Separate yourself from the pack. Be that ONE GUY that the chicks want to ask where you shop instead of knowing off the bat from the second you walk in the door with your pack of croanies that look exactly the same as you do.

L: Clothes not only define a person’s personality, but also makes them memorable. At least if you hit it off with a girl, she can remember you by “that guy that was wearing the red and white striped pants” instead of “that guy with the hair”

B: So Funny! :D That happens all the time! “Remember Lisa from Jon’s party?” “Jeans or Skirt?” “Skirt” “Black or Blue” “Black” “The one with the…” “Yeah, Her” “Yeah… What about her?” :D

2) Not having anything in common with her

B: Major Mistake. Major. Choosing a chick to be your girlfriend just because you enjoy hitting it. Is there any other reason TO choose a girlfriend? no. :D However, eventually, you’re going to get bored of tapping it for the gazillionth time, or she’s gonna get out of shape. In either case, you’ll suddenly experience an increase in the time you spend NOT having sex with her. This is where you’ll realize that you have nothing in common with her other than sex and start looking for your way out of the relationship (unless she gets back in shape, in which case, all bets are off! :D ).

Do yourself a favor and make sure you have things in common with your girl so that you can still have a good time with her during “the off season”. Maybe you both like video games. Maybe you both enjoy eating out @ the different restaurants in your town. Maybe you both enjoy watching MMA fights. If so… make sure she knows Jiu-Jitsu so you can kick her ass and she can take it…. um… or maybe she’ll kick YOUR ass for stepping to her sideways! :D

L: VERY TRUE! And like I said before, things in common that don’t count: breathing, eating, showering (and if it does, get the hell outta there), walking, etc… you get the point, right?

3) Bragging about what you have / own

B: The only reason a chick’s going to be impressed by what you own is if she doesn’t feel like she can get that for herself. This is fine, if you’re trying to get on for the One Night Stand, but really poor technique if you’re trying to pull a chick for a Long Term Relationship.

You don’t want a chick to chill with you so she can lamp on your yacht. You don’t want her to show up to parties with you because you’re about to sell your startup. You don’t want a chick befriending you because you’re internet famous and hooking up with you’s going to drastically improve her google ranking.

At the same time… How lame IS IT that when you have a chance to tell her about yourself as a person, the best things you can say for yourself are generic things that like a million other guys are doing every day? Everybody gets money. Everybody has a form of transportation… Even if that’s just a MetroCard. Tell chicks what makes you DIFFERENT from the other guys, not what makes you SIMILAR, and thus INTERCHANGEABLE with other guys.

L: Bill is absolutely right on this one. Talking about the stuff you have not only makes you sound conceited, but it makes her think that you are so boring you have to brag about yourself. And that’s going to attract one kind of girl: GOLD DIGGERS. If you’re OK with that, why not just walk around the street handing out $100 bills? Oh and let’s just say one day you get old, ugly, fat and there’s someone else out there more popular than you (and younger) – your chick is gonna head straight for that guy because there’s nothing substantial about you except your rank, which is shot to shit – and money – which is long gone spent on her. She needs a new sugar daddy.

4) Meeting chicks in bars

B: Do NOT meet chicks in bars. :( You know what kinds of chicks you meet in bars?….. Chicks that go to bars.

What’s the problem with that? Nothing, if you’re just trying to get on. If you’re looking for a girlfriend, choose one that does something CONSTRUCTIVE with her time. If she’s at the bar, tipping a glass back @ 3:30am, she’s NOT in the gym @ 7am staying in shape. Capisce? :D Go pick up chicks at the book store. That way, you know she’ll probably be READING in the middle of the night while you’re studying for your law degree instead of drinking her ass off at some bar and giving it up to the next man. :D

L: yeah, girls that meet guys at bars are classy. real classy. Let me tell you, fellow – you got yourself a real winner there. Just don’t be crying to me when your beer goggles fade away and you got yourself a coyote ugly the next morning.

5) Not checking out her moms

B: The FIRST THING you want to do if you’re considering keeping a chick is check out her moms! :D

If you see your [pending] girlfriend’s mother, and she’s still fine as hell, and you’re like “If I weren’t dating her daughter, she could GET IT!”, then she probably passed those good genes to your girl and you can look forward to another 25 years of feeling like plastering that. Also, if your girl’s moms is COOL AS HELL, like you wouldn’t be surprised to see her with her hand up in the air at a club, shakin’ her groove thang, you know she probably brought her daughter up to be cool also.

Just don’t overdo it on the moms thing, or you might end up on The Maury Show. :D

L: Totally, looks wise, definitely look at the mom. She may look good now… but you can never tell what she’ll look like when she’s older and her mom is that insight to the future.

6) Lame pickup lines

L: If you have to resort to using lame pickup lines, then congratulations, you’re a huge DOUCHEBAG and I hope you feel good about yourself. You’re the guy that the girl talk about when they hang out with their friends. “Remember that lame douchebag from the bar? yeah, he used a pickup line on me. He’s such a loser. I’m telling all my friends” (oops, you’re screwed!).

I think my favorite pick up line is, “Hey, have you met my friend *Ted.” Pause. Me thinking, “How the hell would I have met your lame friend. If I knew him, I would say hi to him, right?” Then response, “Uh, no you’re lame. Bye”.

B: hehehe Yeah, if you’re going to use lines, make sure they’re over the top. Go Big or Go Home! :D Make them so bad that she has to laugh at how corny your line was and gives you humor points instead of subtracting cool points.

7) Buying an incessant amount of drinks for the girl

L: This says 1 thing. One – I am so ugly that I have to get this girl shitfaced so she thinks I look hot then maybe I’ll have a chance to get in her pants. She’s thinking – wow this guy thinks I’m going to hook up with him after he’s buying me all these drinks. I know he’s just trying to make me think he looks good. Too late, I already saw what he looks like.

Girls don’t like guys who they think are desperate and they can easily obtain. Girls like a chase. They like someone who won’t buy them drinks all the time and who will maybe insinuate that they get a drink or two bought for them. This isn’t bad manners, it’s fair and not so out of the blue anymore. It’s the 21st century – let the girls take charge sometime.

B: Oh Man! hahaha Let this be a lesson to you, fellaz! Only buy a lot of drinks for…. girls that have already consumed a lot of drinks!!! :D (lol @ “too late… I already saw what he looks like”, hahahaha)

As far as getting her to buy you drinks, that’s probably a good policy if you intend to date her long-term. If she can’t buy you a $5 beer, that means she’s BROKE. If she’s broke NOW, she’s going to be EVEN MORE BROKE in the future as cost-of-living increases faster than the minimum wage. She’s gonna be EVEN STILL MORE BROKE if you don’t keep your condom game tight and she has a kid offa you. :(

So… Yeah… Get her to get you a drink every now and then so you can check if “Sisters are doin’ it for themselves”! :D

8) Being rude to her friends

L: Boy, this one is a no-brainer. If the girl is on the fence over whether she likes you or not, she’s going to immediately consult her group of close girl friends. If you’re rude to them, they will sway her in the direction out of your favor and you’re history. This is why: You’re too new to the girl for her to believe you over her friends. You’re not someone she can completely trust yet, so your good intentions to her will be quickly overlooked if her friend says, “wow that guy is a jerk. Guess what he said to me.”

In some cases you may have not even been rude, you just gave off a bad vibe and immediately her friend say to her, “Stay away, I have a bad feeling.” In most (not all) cases, the girl will completely dismiss you even though you haven’t been that bad to her. Why? Who know, but it happens. Chicks before dicks.

B: hahahaha OMG! Lindz has an excellent point here. This is why you want to make sure to steer clear of ALL of a chick’s friends….. until you Tap That Azzzz! :D

After that, you can do what you want… be rude to her friends… kick it to her sister… Her judgement will be completely JACKED since you’re now “the one” and can do no wrong! :D

9) Talking about previous relationships

L: The last thing a girl wants to hear is about your last ex and how you were in love with her but she broke your heart – or whatever the situation is. She’s trying to get to know YOU, not your ex. Plus, bringing up previous flames will ignite more and more questions. Why did she break up with you. Is he comparing me to her? How do I compare?

You’ll want to talk about yourself and leave out anything involving other girls when you first meet her – even if the girl is strictly platonic. Just to make sure you avoid jealousy. Plus, bad mouthing other girls and exes in front of the new girl gives an insight onto the kind of person you are. It’s like an interview – you never badmouth your old boss, no matter what kind of a jerk he was!

B: Absolutely. It’s not about the past. It’s about the present and the future. Like she said, you can’t win by talking your ex UP or talking your ex DOWN, so leave her out, entirely. :D If your new chick is just crazy nosey (or just crazy) and insists on hearing what happened to your ex, have a good story prepared… Something like your ex girl, whom you met in a bar, overdid it with the drinking one night and accidentally stumbled into a recruitment station and signed up for a 20-year bid with the Army……. in Zimbabwe.

10) Not keeping your word

L: If you meet a girl for the first time and get her number and say you’re gonna call, then don’t, then forget any sort of future chances with her. If you can’t even keep your word on calling her, then how do you expect her to think you’ll keep your word on the first day and not stand her up. First impressions are a huge deal breaker so make sure you are up front and honest with her. If you take her number and can’t get together for 2 weeks, at least call her to let her know you enjoyed meeting her.

B: This is another good reason not to meet women in bars. Depending on how much YOU drank that night, word or no word, hahaha you might not remember meeting her AT ALL!!! :D coughanniecough But yeah, there are a lot of guys that see getting numbers as an END and not a MEANS. It’s more like “just in case” rather than an actual intention to call the chick, because you probably got numbers the day before and the weekend before that as well. Asking for a gal’s number doesn’t push her to the head of the list to get a call, but if you SAID you were going to get in touch with her, you really should make some attempt to reach out to her. The most important aspect of ANY relationship is TRUST. If you blow your credibility, you’re toast.

The way around this is to make sure you TRADE NUMBERS instead of just getting HER number. That way, you easily counter “You didn’t call me! :( ” with “YOU didn’t call ME! :D “

Lindz & Bill
 

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