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10 Warning Signs That You Should Dump His Ass

Bill Cammack — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:19:24 +0000

Lindsey Chen (@LindseyChen) & Bill Cammack (@BillCammack)

Lindz & Bill present 10 Warning Signs That You Should Dump His Ass!

Related Posts
Top 10 Reasons to Date a Geek
Top Ten Valentine’s Day DON’Ts!
Top 10 Mistakes Girls Make When Trying To Get A Guy
Top 10 Mistakes Guys Make When Trying To Get A Girl
Lindsey & Bill: Does He Want To Be Friends?
Morning-After Conduct

Lots of times… Sometimes evidenced in this very blog, hehe.. Women stay in relationships that they would be better off getting out of.

In some cases, it’s not obvious to them what’s going on, but in others, their Significant Other is waving these gigantic red flags at them that they either refuse to see or are unable to recognize for some reason.

As usual, it’s Lindz & Bill to the rescue, with ten warning signs that should make y’all go “HMMMMMMMMMM…..”. Let us know what you think in the comments section, below…

Lindz

1. He books a trip home to see his parents and when he calls you, he says “Actually I’ve decided to stay… um.. indefinitely.”

To me, this says, “I don’t really give a $^#% about you, or what you think. All I care about is myself.” He doesn’t even bother to discuss it with you or see how you feel. Mind you, it IS his decision ultimately, but come on, man… be respectful and courteous. I’ll give it to him that he may be stressed or frustrated over something, which may or may not have something to do with you, but is that how he deals with his issues? Just ups and leaves? Well, do yourself a favor and leave this loser.

2. He’s too self-conscious or insecure to meet your friends or introduce you to his.

If even HE thinks he’s a loser, then why would YOU want to waste your time on him? He obviously has more issues than just being insecure – He has low self-esteem and doesn’t think he’s worth meeting your amazingly cool friends. And you’re way too awesome to have to deal with this baggage. If he doesn’t think he’s worth it, then you definitely shouldn’t either. DUMP HIS ASS.

3. He forgets about your Birthday / Anniversary / Valentine’s Day.

A good guy will never forget about these holidays. Whether you care about them or not, he should show that he appreciates you for who you are. If he forgets them, someone better have died, because otherwise it just shows that he doesn’t prioritize his relationship over other things in his life. What? Is he too into playing WOW and forgot that it was your birthday IRL? In the future, how is he going to show his appreciation if he can’t even remember what day is your birthday? LOSER.

4. He never has money to pay for his share when you go out.

Note: I said HIS SHARE, not even the whole bill – I get it that we’re in the 21st Century, and a lot of the times, it’s common for guys and girls to go 50/50. I’m talking about those guys that expect YOU to foot the bill. EXCUSE ME? This is the first warning sign of a loser who isn’t financially responsible for himself and chooses not to take care of himself. Last I checked you weren’t his babysitter. You better dump his ass before he starts asking you for his weekly allowance.

5. He treats his family like $^#% and makes up excuses as to why they don’t get along. I.E. He’s too good for them.

If he believes that its OK to treat his family – his own flesh and blood – like crap, how do you think he feels about treating you? He obviously doesn’t think there is anything wrong with that and with the right situation to piss him off, he’s like an atom bomb waiting to explode. Just make sure that you’re not around to reap the repercussions.

Bill

6. Having a girlfriend isn’t as important to him as having a boyfriend is to you.

Lots of times, dudes are just getting laid. Period. It doesn’t really have anything to do with YOU, personally. A girlfriend = guaranteed sex, and that’s about it. If it’s not personal with you, you can be easily replaced by any OTHER chick that wants to have sex with him on the regular and isn’t going to be too much of a PITA in the meantime. Keep those lines of communication open so you can tell whether he’s having the same relationship to you that you’re having to him.

7. He doesn’t consider any of your opinions to be valid.

Do you ever get that feeling when you make suggestions that your man’s playing you off like Keyboard Cat?

That’s a beauty pageant, not a spelling bee. That chick wasn’t selected for her mind. She was selected for her looks and her body. Similarly, if that’s why YOU were hired, and your man really doesn’t give a damn what you say or think, don’t expect to have MORE respect in the future. You’ll most likely have LESS, being that you’re no longer in school, your brain isn’t getting any exercise, because nobody discusses intelligent topics with you and the education you DID receive in school is now outdated. If this is you… get a new boyfriend who respects you or at least is willing to pretend that he does.

8. He’s always getting numbers / still active on that dating site you met him on.

Remember when you met him and you shut down your account and you stopped returning emails from dudes and you stopped checking how many winks you got today? :D hahaha Well, Keep an eye on your man’s account, because if it’s still active, you might not be “all that” and he might be preparing to trade you in for the next best chick. If you’d like to know for sure, make a fake account, send him a wink/message and see if he takes the bait…..

9. He doesn’t treat you differently from any other chick.

If you’re REALLY his girlfriend, you should be able to list the perks that you get for having that title. If you can’t differentiate between how your man treats YOU vs. how he treats other chicks, you might not be Ms. Right. You might be Mrs. Right Now! :D Ask him for something that should be easy for him to do, like… I don’t know….. kiss you in public?….. hehehe If you can’t get that, he may very well be preserving his game with the next chick, since her friends might be in the same room with you, or maybe she’s there herself.

10. You have access to his ex-girlfriends and knowledge of how THEIR relationships ended up.

Ladies… Please… Seriously… :D If you see how some dude dogged females in the past, PLEASE use that information to make educated decisions about messing with him or trying to be his girlfriend. I’m sure that every single one of them thought that they were as fly as YOU think YOU are right now. Every one of them ended up as *EX-GIRLFRIENDS* too, so get a clue.

Lindz|@LindseyChen & Bill|@BillCammack

Top 10 Reasons to Date a Geek

Bill Cammack — Wed, 20 May 2009 14:57:04 +0000

L = Lindsey Chen B = Bill Cammack

Lindz & Bill present the top 10 reasons why you should actively seek out geeks for dating, relationships or marriage:

Geeks are always played down in the John Cusack / John Hughes movies, but you’ll notice they always end up with that monumental kiss at the end of the movie, indicating that a long-lasting and loving relationship ensued.

I’ll bet you wondered why they write movies that way… Well, wonder no more!!! Here’s why geeks > EVERYBODY as far as dating! :D

1. You can learn a lot about them by going to their website – usually www.theirname.com. They will have a site.

L: What’s a geek without a site? A fake geek. Google them and you can probably find everything you need to know about them – hell – their favorite food, color and even their blood type. Just be careful though, you can also bet that they have a secret tracking service to track your IP address, so you may want to do this from your local public library.

B: FRLZ! If you can’t go to LindseyChen.com or BillCammack.com and get all the information you need to determine whether you’d like to meet this person or not, they need to turn in their geek credentials.

Even Worse… If you can’t Google Lindsey Chen or Google Bill and find them within the top 10 entries for their name, they’re probably not authentic geeks at all! :/

2. They don’t have time to cheat on you because they’re working on their startup.

B: Geeks have a severely limited amount of time allocated to social interaction. That’s why they buy dogs instead of having kids. Dogs don’t need to be taught English or how to play baseball. They also don’t need a college fund. Anyway… You can be that your Geeky Significant Other is spending every DROP of socialization they can muster on YOU! :D If they say they’re working late, they actually ARE! If they say they’re out having drinks, they’re STILL discussing their business, not trying to get raps. Until they “get bought”, you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about! :D

L: And when they’re out drinking, you know they’re really not. Refer to #9. One of the main reasons they like to work on their startup is because they’re a geek and we all know they have very limited social skillz. So why spend the time being socially awkward while trying to talk to a girl in a bar when they can be at their computer? The computer understands, it doesn’t talk back and it will certainly give you the time of day. Plus, you never have to buy it dinner or worry if its cheating on you ;)

3. Their idea of girl watching is going to images.google.com and typing in “girls”.

L: I mean, honestly… Why would they even think about getting in their car – better yet strapping on their rollerblades and heading down to the local mall or Starbucks to go girl watching? They have their computer, they can easily type in “GIRLS” and mostly likely they can also hack into the site to steal the pictures afterwards. It’s an all around win-win situation for both, eh?

B: Absolutely. “Going Places” is completely inefficient. Real chicks have become obsolete, due to the plethora of free internet porno options available. Sure, they’re nice to look at and all that, but in the time it takes to get them to give it up, you could have handled the business already.

4. You introduce them to The Beatles (or any other good band) and they think you’re the best music talent scout ever.

B: Geeks are normally only exposed to middle-of-the-road Hipster Music that gets passed around on social media sites, like this:

They’re not used to music with actual drive or meaning. Introduce them to a band or artist from a period when they actually had to write good lyrics and play good music to get a record deal, and they’ll thank you profusely for it. ;)

L: Exactly. If all they ever hear is the crappy internet music and they think that’s good, can you imagine the light you can shed on them when you tell them to listen to something worth listening to?.. Take it one step further and buy them a CD… After all, it’s not always all about Limewire or iTunes.

5. You never have to pay customer support to figure out why your website isn’t working.

L: How annoying is it to call customer support all the time to try and fix your website, computer or anything else on the internet? Do you know what DHCP or HTML means? Me neither, but that’s why you have a geek boyfriend/girlfriend. 24 hour support ’round the clock style, and the best part is that you’re not on hold for 2 hours! Hallelujah!

B: No doubt. A few back massages and some “special attention” ;) and there’s no need for you to call Kansas… and be re-routed to India.

6. You know that they googled sexual positions and skillz.

Lux Alptraum & Bill Cammack

B: Don’t you just hate it when you get down to the Nitty-Gritty with someone and only THEN figure out that their entire sexual style was derived from emulating late-night softcore movies on Showtime or HBO?

Forget all that! Just the way they studied for their SATs, geeks study YOUR BODY and figure out the most efficient & expedient ways to get you where you need to go! Satisfaction Guaranteed!.. Capisce??? :D

L: hahaha This is sad, but so true, so you need not worry if you’re the first person they’ve ever been with or the 2nd. (Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves).. And to make things even better, you know they’re clean! – They can probably read off every symptom of ever STD known to mankind, courtesy of google.com, of course.

7. Their idea of a great bachelor party is all meeting up and going on a WoW raid.

L: Going back to the notion that geeks like to “do it online” rather than IRL, this is really a benefit for you… Why go out and get drunk with a stripper when you can kill people or stalk people or do whatever the hell you do on a WOW raid? So much more fun… And you don’t even have to get dressed up to do it!

B: hahaha Not to mention, with the number of chicks on YouTube doing “live shows” where they show more T&A than their actual faces, there’s no point in hitting The Wedge or Scores anymore. Just mute the volume on your computer so their nasal vocal tones and inane babbling don’t distract you from checking out their bodies & it’s INSTANT BACHELOR PARTY! WOOOOOO! :D

8. They’re easy to shop for. They wear the same clothes you do.

B: This is one of the benefits of dating chicks that look good in flannel lumberjack shirts, black jeans and black boots. They look cool and hawt at the same time, and you don’t have to worry about getting stranded at their crib after a night of partying, because you know they have something for you to wear the next day.

Also, you get to avoid being photographed while buying her a gift in Victoria’s Secret and becoming a laughing stock on Facebook.

L: This is true, however the flipside may not be so true. I wouldn’t like to see my boyfriend wearing a skirt and heels. I think the main point is that geeks can’t tell if its designer or if its Wal-Mart brand, so no need to impress. In fact, they’ll be happier that you spent $5 on a t-shirt than $100 bucks and most likely they’ll never know. Prada.. what?

9. They’re too scared to drink because the might get drunk, therefore you always have a Designated Driver.

L: Being a geek doesn’t mean that you don’t drink. It just means that it not only kills brain cells but it can also get you drunk and take it that critical step further, where you could do something you regret! Geeks are way too “smart” to drink and lose their inhibitions. I mean WHO DOES THAT??? :X

B: COMPLETELY! hehe.. This is the Facebook Age. You can’t afford to get blitzed and end up getting tagged in a picture making out with a cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton.

10. No interference from outsiders. You’re the only one that thinks they’re HAWT.

B: Yeah, your geek-boyfriend has ZERO muscle tone, but he’s googled how to maximize what little athleticism he has to make it happen for you! ;) .. Yeah, your geek-girlfriend looks like a stick figure in her flannel shirt & non-fitting jeans, but her body’s actually BANGIN’, and WATCH OUT if you get her on the dance floor! :D Fortunately, nobody knows these things but YOU, so you can divert all energies from turf-defense and devote them all to enjoying your personal diamond in the rough! ;)

L: Yeah, skinny guys are hot. And if you ever get in a fight with them, you know that you can easily take them… With one arm!… The only problem is that you may want to solicit some extra help on moving day.

Lindz: LindseyChen.com | twitter.com/LindseyChen
Bill: BillCammack.com | twitter.com/BillCammack

Read more posts in the Lindz & Bill category!

Morning-After Conduct

Bill Cammack — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 16:34:12 +0000

ok. So you went to the tech conference COUGHsxswCOUGH and you got your drink on and hooked up with that chick, right ;) …

Except the conference isn’t OVER YET, so you actually have to see her the next day ( hate it when THAT happens! :D ).

Here are your top 5 options on how to deal when you run into her today:

Act like you liked it when you didn’t

When your eyes meet, look at her like ” HEYYYYY! :D ” and smile. Extend your right hand so she extends hers, clasp it and use your left hand to pat her on the back. Pull her in close to you for a hug and whisper in her ear “That ish was the bomb last night, yo. Good Lookin’ Out.”

She will feel accomplished and your job is done. You’re now only responsible for winking at her a couple of times and some minor waves from across the room.

Act like you didn’t like it when you did

Calm down. Stop thinking about it. Hold your breath if you need to… Helps you focus on reality, right-now. Give her a nice hug. Remember to let her go. Small-talk with her, then say something like “You know… We got really DRUNK together last night…” or “I really don’t want last night to come between us and our friendship” or “I care about you too much blah blah blah we shouldn’t do that ever again”.

Try to sound sincere when you’re saying this. If you hear your voice trembling because you’re lying, drink some water. Also, if you feel like you’re starting to get aroused again as soon as you see her, skip the “hug” part.

Act like it didn’t happen

Some people have the ability to drink alcohol until their long-term memory gets erased. I mean… That’s what I heard.

Use this to your advantage. Make sure that you have a drink in your hand BEFORE you kick it to her. That way, she can’t tell how blitzed you were before the fact. Also, remember what you talked about with her and how you felt BEFORE you told her to meet you in the ladies’ room.

Now… When you see her coming, access that memory from before you hooked up with her and act like that was the last time you ever saw her. Got that? ok, Good. Look at her, smile and wave at her like a platonic friend. Give her a basic two-arm hug with no kiss on the cheek. Squeeze her tight. Let her go. Look her in the eye and go:

” So… What’d YOU do last night? :D ”

Act like you don’t remember her

Just in case you don’t think you can pull off “Act like it didn’t happen”, roll your relationship all the way back to never having met her IRL at all.

When you see her, dont’ smile. Get this ??? look, like “Is that my Facebook friend, whomever?”, but you’re not really sure if it’s her or not. Prepare a derivative of her name. Like, if her name’s “Annie”, when you get within earshot (nowhere near her), yell out “Annette?”

When her face twists up, like “What’s this idiot talking about?”, go ” It’s ME, [name]… We’re Facebook friends! Nice to meet you, finally, in person! :D ”

This is why you want to start this technique far away. If she believes you forgot her, she’s going to be disappointed. If she thinks you’re trying to get over, she’s going to be MAD! :D Figure this out before you get within arm’s reach so you can decide whether to continue walking towards her or break hard right and call Maverick for backup.

Tell the truth

This is the least-utilized Morning-After option. I mean, actually, the most utilized option is Emergency Contraceptive Pills but that’s a different topic.

If it was good, and you don’t mind her knowing that you’re SPRUNG and riding her bra-strap now, fess up and let her know how good a time you had and how you haven’t stopped thinking about it this whole time. Hopefully, she’ll be honest with you too and it goes where it goes….

If it wasn’t good, I guess you could still use “Act like you didn’t like it”, except you wouldn’t be acting. There are basically two ways you can carry this. You can go the “let her down easy” route, with some kind of “It’s not you, it’s me” statement. This is basically a copout, unless it really WAS you and you didn’t REP-RE-SENT last night! hahaha :D

The other option is to look out for her as your Homie… you know? As a true friend… And go the “Tough Love” route with something like:

“Yo… Have you ever heard of Kegel Exercises?”

~Bill

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How to avoid having sex with your BUSTED girlfriend

Bill Cammack — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:47:49 +0000

ok… Let’s say you’re the type of guy that has no control over his woman, and you let her get out of shape… THEN… Let’s say you’re also the type of guy that isn’t willing to dump her for insubordination. Now, you have a problem… She’s too busted to have sex with. You’re just not interested… Actually, it’s worse than that, you ARE interested in sex, until you see HER! :D

So you’re stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard place… no pun intended… You still have to hang out with this chick, but you’re dreading her tryinna press up on you and get some. What to do??? Follow The Kid‘s top 5 tips for avoiding having sex with your busted girlfriend:

1) Man The #*$& UP!

That’s right. MAN.UP. Let her know what TIME it is. She’s busted, you’re not interested, and she’s not “gettin’ none” until she shapes up or ships the #*$& out.

This is YOUR problem, not hers. She’s COOL with how she looks! ‘Matter of fact, she’s probably wondering what’s wrong with YOU that you don’t want to hit it anymore. Do yourself a favor and break it down to her. Honesty’s the best policy, right? :D Aren’t women always clamoring for “the truth”? Well, let her HAVE IT!

Actually, this technique works regardless of her reaction. If she listens to you, she goes back to the gym and gets back in #*$&able shape. If she doesn’t like what you said, she gets mad at you, and you know what that means… SEX EMBARGO!!!

Problem solved.

2) Come home tired

While it’s clear that sex is a basic male need, it’s technically trumped by a couple of things… such as drinking water and SLEEPING. If you just can’t bring yourself to let her know that looking at her body’s “ruining your buzz”, make sure you only come home when you’ve already been awake for at least 18 hours. This will help you pull off authentic and convincing yawns, and hopefully, you’ll actually be asleep before she gets to take her clothes off.

3) Keep the lights on

It’s a commonly-known and oft-used trick between busted females to turn the lights off when they want to have sex with you. Obviously, this helps you to forget what she looks like and imagine that you’re about to have sex with an attractive chick. This is almost as effective as the “look at a porno mag over her shoulder” technique. Depending on how good your memory is and how many hot women you saw on your way to and from work today, you might just go ahead and tap that… since it’s there.

In order to avoid this, keep the lights on at all times, to ensure “technical difficulties”.

4) Come home satisfied

Stop of at an attractive chick’s house on the way home from work so you can have sex you actually ENJOY! :D This will help you put the so-called sex you’re having with your busted girl into proper mental perspective as well as make you more tired (#2), more likely to MAN UP (#1), and less likely to fall for the okey-doke when she reaches for that light switch (#3). :D

5) Come home exhausted

Do what you have to do to walk in the door physically exhausted. Hit the gym for a couple of hours every day after work. Leave your car in the driveway and jog all the way to and from work. Take a second job mowing people’s lawns. Do anything you can do so it’s clear that you can’t do anymore strenuous physical activity that day (read: EVERY day).

Warning: This one might backfire on you if she likes “Woman On Top”. :(

~Bill

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