The way the dating game works, guys have to be the aggressors and girls choose from the suitors who present themselves. There are several reasons for this, including women attempting to avoid the stigma of being considered hoes for stepping up front and telling a guy what they really want to do with him. Another reason is that gals tend to be more relationship-based, while guys are more get-laid-based.

What this creates is an uneven playing field where guys are always playing offense and girls are always playing defense. I had a rare opportunity, recently, to watch a creep operate… Let me back up a bit…

What/Who is a Creep?

A creep isn’t defined by tactics. A creep is defined by whether a chick wants to kick it to him or not. If a girl likes you, you can say just about anything you want to her, and she’ll go for it. She wants you to want her. She’s excited that she excites you. You can literally walk up to a chick and say “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain” and she’ll make out with you, because that’s what she’s been daydreaming about this whole time since she first saw you…. kissing you, not you saying some corny, meaningless line.

So, a creep is a guy that a chick DOESN’T want to talk to her, but insists on talking to her anyway. He could be the most polite, well read, gentlemanly blah blah blah but if she’s not interested, he’s a nuisance that she needs to get rid of ASAP. Not only is he annoying, but he’s taking up space where a guy that she REALLY wants to meet could be standing and she could be enjoying herself.

So I had been about to say “I recently got to see a creep operate”, but that’s not actually true. I’ve seen creeps operate lots of times, except they’ve been friends of mine, so I’ve been hoping that they get on. Sometimes, the creep was ME! :D What I should have said was that I had the rare opportunity to watch some creep I don’t know operate, and because of that, I can now write up my favorite tips on how to *NOT* be a creep:

Don’t interrupt people’s conversations

If you want to be seen as a creep off the bat, jump into someone’s conversation as if they invited you. I know you have your agenda and you want to kick it ASAP before someone else pulls her, but rolling up uninvited sets off the first alarm that you don’t know how to respect people’s wishes. If nobody was paying attention to you and then you appear like “TA-DAAAA!”, you’re immediately a nuisance and have just dug your rap into a hole that you’re going to have to waste your time digging yourself out of. Instead of starting at ZERO, you start at negative-whatever, because you couldn’t find a decent way to join the group.

If a chick is by herself, that’s a different story. You STILL need to enquire as far as whether she’d like for you to hang out with her or not. Don’t just roll up on a chick that’s standing there with nothing to do and assume that listening to your sap rap is BETTER for her to do than doing nothing at all.

If you ask her and she wants you to leave, sure, keep trying, but if you can’t turn her quickly, break north before she informs the rest of her girlfriends in the area that you’re a creep, jacking up other opportunities you might have had if you had played it cool.

Don’t invade people’s space

Different countries have different distances at which people stand when they engage each other. It’s in your best interest to be outside of any uncomfortable range that she might have. It’s better to appear socially standoffish than annoyingly aggressive or overbearing.

This is one of the reasons you want to avoid places where the music is too loud. You want to be able to hear and be heard without standing “on top” of the chick. Whatever advances you’re making with your verbal game are being negated by her feeling uncomfortable about the fact that you’re standing so close to her.

If you gain/build rapport with her, fine.. move in closer. Other than that, keep your distance so she’s not contemplating cracking you in your grill with that beer bottle in her hand if you make any sudden moves. Your goal is to make her feel comfortable with you, not WARY.

Don’t be a blithering idiot (don’t slur your speech)

This is a tough one, because who actually KNOWS when they’re drunk and slurring? Basically, do your best NOT to seem like an out-of-control drunk when you kick your game. Again, this adds to her paranoia and blocks her from feeling comfortable around you. As corny as you were from butting into her conversation in the first place and invading her space in the second, you REALLY don’t want her to feel that you might do some weirdo ish just because you’ve had too much to drink already tonight and you can’t be trusted.

Make up your mind what you’re going to do tonight. Either get drunk and whoop it up or just get ‘buzzed’ or ‘tipsy’ and keep your rap game intact. Your goal is either to Get Nice or Get On… Choose ONE!

Don’t touch people

I’ve seen this for years, but never really thought much about it. Unless you have a well thought-out plan, Do NOT Touch People that haven’t invited you to touch them or that you haven’t built a level of rapport with where you FEEL like they might be cool with you touching them.

It’s a basic club tactic for guys to see a girl going by that they want to screw and grab her arm as she walks through a crowd. On the one hand, this makes sense, because clubs are dark AND loud and there’s no other way to get her attention. This style also seems to make sense because there are a lot of girls that go for this. A lot of girls will actually stop and talk to the guy that just grabbed them because they enjoy the attention. They enjoy that he wanted them so much that he just “Couldn’t let her walk by” without saying something to them.

The fact of the matter is that it’s an invasion of privacy and an indicator that his behavior is going to be much more aggressive when he finally gets her alone somewhere. If that’s the image you want to project to chicks, go right ahead and keep grabbing them. You’re either amplifying or destroying your rap. They’re either going to love it or hate it, and in most cases, you’re making more work for yourself than you need to. Stop touching people. If you NEED to meet her, follow her to wherever she’s going, catch her eye and then introduce yourself.

If you insist on continuing with this behavior, at least make sure you grab the arm where she has the beer bottle in her hand so you’re less likely to need stitches later this evening.

Don’t ask questions that you don’t want to answer yourself

I know it’s a regular tactic to fake it as if you want to talk to chicks by talking to them. If you had it like that, you would have walked up to her, said “Let’s get out of here” and she would have left with you and you would have done what you wanted with her. Since you DON’T have it like that, don’t play yourself by asking personal questions.

Why in the hell would a chick that you just met by rolling up uninvited and invading her space feel like telling you where she lives? How old she is? What she ate for dinner? Whether she has a boyfriend? Does that make sense to you?

Leave that stuff out. Everybody knows you’re trying to make smalltalk. Everybody knows you’re biding your time until you can figure out how to get laid. Don’t bother trying to mask it with social banter. If you insist on doing this, keep it impersonal. “How do you like this place?”, “Have you checked out XYZ bar?”, “How do you like the music?”

If you ask personal questions, they’re going to backfire on you when she asks YOU what you just asked HER. How old are YOU? Where do YOU live? See that? All of a sudden, YOU’RE on the defensive and responding in vague and deceptive manners which unearth your true intentions anyway. So do yourself a favor and don’t ask any questions you wouldn’t want to answer yourself.

Do remember what people said

Also, if you INSIST on talking to chicks as a way to stay in the game until you can get laid, try to REMEMBER what they said. If you ask a chick where she’s from and she says she’s from Indiana and moved to NYC three years ago, don’t turn around 5 minutes later and go “So… How long have you lived here?” .. See, you look like a clown, or an idiot, or like you really are, which is that you don’t give a damn what she’s saying and you’re only running your mouth until you can get her alone and get to the nitty-gritty… Which leads us to our final tip:

Don’t be transparent

In the Social Media world, the term “transparency” has become synonymous with positive behavior. It’s basically being up-front with your company’s beliefs, policies, influences and motives. This doesn’t work in the dating world, because your entire plan is to be deceptive and work your way to your desired outcome.

Therefore, being transparent belies everything you’ve been trying to do. Don’t make conversation and then have it be obvious that you’re not interested in what she has to say. Don’t say you’re not trying to have sex with her and then do your best to see what you can get. Don’t cross the entire room to ask her if she has the time when you just walked past several people with watches. Stick to your plan and ride it out to the end.

If you don’t feel like you can do that, then don’t bother playing games at all. Step to her, let her know what you want and then either get it or don’t get it. Otherwise, she’s going to know that you’re going to say ANYTHING you have to to get her to do what you want and your credibility and rapport are going right down the drain.

You’re really better off just going for it, because at least you can get the respect of not having tried to cheat her into sex. You can also get the respect of not having wasted her time, trying for like 30 minutes to talk her into something she didn’t want to do for you in the first place. She’ll also appreciate your not blocking her ops with other guys that she might ACTUALLY want to talk to or mess with. Who knows? You might get lucky and she might approach YOU later in the evening, being that you were the only guy that didn’t try to run game, was up front with what he wanted and wasn’t overbearing or a JERK when she wasn’t interested.

You might also luck out and she might send you a girlfriend of hers that didn’t get any raps tonight and actually likes how you look. Regardless… It’s in YOUR best interest to NOT come off as a CREEP if you want to maximize your efficiency with chicks. Believe me… It gets around faster that you think. :)

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
Facebook Fan Page: Bill Cammack
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

Related Posts

• How To Clown Yourself
• How To Approach Women
• Appreciate Your Girlfriend
• How To Marry A Prince
• The Roster (Multiple Girlfriends)

A year ago, on January 06, 2008, I wrote and posted “Do NOT Tamper With Your Comments!”. At the time, I offered “Turn On Moderation” as an alternative:

Bill: “Turn On Moderation – Make it so that NOBODY’S comments make it to personalblog or widgetblog unless YOU approve them. That way, when everything ends up positive, you just look like you spun the situation by only letting the comments through that you liked. This is DIFFERENT from changing people’s posts because there’s never anything negative for people to see in the first place, AND dissenting comments don’t become agreeing comments with the same person’s name on the top, posted at the exact same time.”

I wrote that line at a time when I wasn’t doing a lot of commenting on other people’s blogs. I hadn’t achieved a perception of the potential effects of “You *just* look like you spun the situation by only letting the comments through that you liked” on people who visit your blog and make comments that never get approved. Let me tell you about it.

Initial Perception

Initially, when I check out a blog for the first time, I’m thinking that the person who wrote the posts is looking for A DISCUSSION. I’m thinking that if they didn’t want A DISCUSSION, they would have turned off comments.

Actually, one of the very first times I ever posted on someone else’s blog, it was a dating blog and the woman had written flawed advice. With my naive way of thinking about blogs as sort of “personally-hosted forums”, I wrote a nice long comment about what was incorrect about her ideas. To her credit, she emailed me my words, when she could have just deleted them. Hats Off to her for that. :) My ideas could have been lost in space, because I had written them directly to her blog entry form. Last time I ever did *THAT*.

She emailed me my words and explained to me that she wasn’t going to host my ideas about her post on HER site, and if I wanted to, I should place them on MY site. At the time, I wasn’t hip to trackbacks and pingbacks. I had a short email discussion with her expressing my opinion that I thought she was lame for having a blog and ONLY approving comments that made her look good. Pretty soon after that, I found out that this is pretty much status quo. She represents the mainstream and I’m “odd man out” on this issue.

So I approach blogs that are new to me with the naive perception that what I’m looking at represents reality. I feel like the blog post itself is the same blog post that people responded to in the comments and hasn’t been altered after the fact, unless a note is placed there, saying what the edit was. I also assume that the comments represent the honest and factual response of “the community” to the post.

Moderation Experiment

This weekend, I got to experiment with the much-discussed faux pas (which many have termed *BLUNDER* or worse) which I’ve seen called “MemphisGate” (so funny!) or the TheKeyInfluencer situation. You can read about the actual events here, but the point is that A LOT OF PEOPLE felt like putting their two cents in on this situation, which meant I got to post on a bunch of blogs I’ve never heard of before.

Most of my comments went right through, without moderation. Some of them landed in moderation and were eventually approved. Others landed in moderation and then never saw the light of day.

When this happens… When your posts “disappear”, there could be several reasons for this:

1. It was the weekend, and the human moderator only pays attention to their site during weekdays = EPIC FAIL
2. The software never sent out the notification that there was a new comment in moderation
3. The human moderator gets too much email, etc to be able to handle everything = EPIC FAIL
4. The human moerator didn’t think they would LOOK GOOD with your comment on their page, OR they knew damned well that they didn’t have a rebuttal to what you said, so they chose not to approve your comment.

There are more possibilities, but let’s consider how someone might perceive you IF they choose to believe that you didn’t allow your post on their site because it makes them look bad or brings up points they never considered and have no counter-argument against….

All of a sudden, your site is now a show. It’s spin. It’s not an honest representation of “the community”‘s thoughts about what you posted. There’s no need to read your comments, because the best we can hope for is HALF of the story. It’s like reading the recommendations section on linkedin. The only comments there are going to be BENEFICIAL to that person.

So now, we have to wonder WHY you’re only accepting SOME comments and rejecting others. Is it that you really didn’t think out what you posted, and you’re not prepared to intelligently debate it? hmmmmmm……

Like I said in “Social Media Experts? (SMEs)”, there are a lot of DERIVATIVE posters on the internet. Basically what they do is Ambulance-Chase and blog about whatever the current hot topic is in hopes that they might get some traffic. Apparently, we’re living in a “me too” culture, where people see a chance and then hop on the bandwagon and go ME TOO! ME TOO! without really having anything intelligent to ADD to the discussion. The problem with doing that is that when people bring up things you never considered and that you have NO REBUTTAL FOR because you stole someone else’s ideas in the first place, you can’t say ANYTHING without looking even worse, so the best deal is to make sure that post is never seen at all on your site.

What Difference Does This Make?

The reason this is important is that discussions jump off immediately on the internet, and then you have a small window of time to get your two cents in before people forget about it entirely and move on to the next instant scandal. If someone says “I don’t like X” and then you type “This is why X happened” and hit enter and then see “Your comment is awaiting moderation” and then your comment never sees the light of day, you’ve wasted the time it took you to think up and write that post… AND you may have lost the idea ENTIRELY if the comment’s never approved. Even if your comment shows up two days later… It’s too late. The conversation’s already over. People have already decided that you didn’t have anything to say.

So… While the blog poster gets to look self-righteous because he or she said what they said and gathered a bunch of comments which either agree wholeheartedly, offer neutral points or offer “softball” negative points which the blog owner can easily knock back out of the park, the person who the story was about and the people who don’t see things the way the blog owner does are SOL.

From the side of the blog owner, it’s important to note that you’re losing credibility when people realize you’re just gathering positive statements about yourself. We start to wonder how many OTHER people posted comments that disagreed with you and were deleted… Did they actually OUTNUMBER the positive comments you allowed through moderation? One never knows…

The Solution

Initially, I was going to write this post as a fruitless campaign to get people who moderate their comments to SAY. SO. ABOVE. THE. COMMENT. BOX. so we can avoid wasting time posting something that isn’t going to be seen while the point’s being hotly contested.

Personally, I would LOVE to have that warning so I could:
a) read the post,
b) NOT read any of the positively-skewed comments and
c) move on to the next blog ASAP.

Some people REALLY aren’t diligent about monitoring their blogs, and in fact, their blogs aren’t important to them, but actually something peripheral OR even merely an extension of their job. There has to be a better solution than WONDERING whether your post is going to be approved SOON or AT ALL.

The solution is to have your own Public Relations Machine well oiled and ready to roll at a moment’s notice.

This way, regardless of where or when something jumps off that you need to address, people who decide to Google your name can find out where you represent yourself on the net and go there right now to find out if you’ve made any responses to the current “tempest in a teacup” (hahaha What a great term! :D ).

A good combination of blogging, microblogging and videoblogging or perhaps live streaming would serve this purpose very well.

If the problem’s on Twitter, address it there, leaving “@-comments” for people whose attention need to be called to the fact that you’ve responded in a decisive and timely manner.

If the problem’s on someone’s blog, write your own blog post and make sure you include a trackback to their site. If their site doesn’t accept trackbacks, leave a comment on their site with a link to your site. Unfortunately, you run back into the same “I don’t want dissenting ideas on my blog” issue, but even if your comment and link aren’t approved, you’re still self-expressed and your ideas are still SOMEWHERE on the net for people to find if they care to search for more information about the situation.

There are lots of live streaming solutions to choose from. My current weapon of choice is Ustream (even though I hope they VASTLY improve their co-hosting setup), because it’s quick to set up, rock solid for signal reliability IME (several times, I’ve been “on the air” for six hours at a time without incident) and people don’t have any issues watching from The UK, France, Israel, The USA… AND they’re working on an app to make Ustream available on iPhones, which is going to be a game-changer, for sure. :D

The obvious benefit of being able to “go live” at any time is that anyone who’s interested can make their way on over to your site and hear your explanation “straight from the horse’s mouth”. Also, new posts will be popping up even as you speak, so interested parties can find them, link them in the text chat and the discussion can jump off onto that tangent.

That’s not a good solution for everyone, though haha.. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’ll probably end up looking WORSE instead of BETTER by live streaming, so if that’s the case, skip audio & video and stick to text where you can craft your ideas, PROOFREAD THEM and run them by assiociates or advisors before you post them to the WORLD. WIDE. WEB. :D

~Bill Cammack

Social Media Category: billcammack.com/category/social-media
Subscribe via RSS or Email
 

Related Posts

• Twitter? Or Your Blog?
• #NOBLOG Status (Plausible Deniability)
• Synthetic People (Mel Gibson Has A Point…)
• Social Media Smoke & Mirrors
• Haiti Earthquake + Social Media = HaitiXchange.com