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Do NOT Tamper With Your Comments!
I told my ex-girlfriend not to lie to me… I mean, she was still my girlfriend at the time, and now she isn’t. The reason I told her that was that I was catching her in small, seemingly insignificant lies. VERY VERY small lies… Not even worth telling, to be sure. I explained to her that the most important thing you have in a relationship is trust. Without TRUST, you have nothing at all, because any communication you have with anyone will be tainted… untrustworthy… disbelieved. Lying to me about small things is WORSE than lying to me about important things, because it’s not necessary. If your character can’t stand up to the smallest criticism and you feel the pressure and need to LIE, then you CERTAINLY don’t have the stomach to tell me the truth when it REALLY counts.
WHAT does this have to do with “Technology”, you ask?… Because the same holds true in many situations, *including* posting on the internet. The way a lot of blogs are set up, including this one that I’m posting to right now, after the main entry, there’s a section for comments. This is the place for viewers/readers to weigh in and let you know if they agree OR disagree with what you said, and why.
The benefit of having comments is taking a post from being a soliloquy to being the beginning of a conversation. It’s like having a lecture and then at the end, opening up the floor to any questions your audience might have. *YOU* are just as responsible for and will be held accountable for what happens in your comment section as you will be held accountable for what you post in the main entry. Just like I told my ex… (paraphrasing, hahaha) the way you carry yourself in dealing with comments can make or break your credibility in EVERYTHING ELSE that’s MORE IMPORTANT than your comments section…..
Let’s take a very simple example that everyone should be able to follow:
Let’s say you have a company that sells widgets. Let’s say your business blog is “widgetblog”, and is a blog about widgets. Let’s say you also author “personalblog”, and what you post there has NOTHING to do with widgets, and only to do with your personal life. Unfortunately for you, you can not separate these three things if people know that you’re connected to all of them. Similar to a chain, your credibility is only as strong as the *WEAKEST* link.
Now, let’s say you post that “the sky is blue”. Let’s say that several people post “I agree, the sky IS blue!” and those comments are not tampered with. What do you do when someone posts “the sky is actually grey”? This person has now added their personal opinion to the discussion that you started. Do you leave this dissenting opinion on your site so that people can see the HONEST, TRANSPARENT format of how the discussion actually unfolded?…. OR…. Do you log in as “admin” and CHANGE THAT POST so it now reads “the sky is blue”?
Let’s say you get five more “blues” and two more “greys” and even a “red”… What now? Do you log in AGAIN, and tamper with your comments AGAIN? When someone comes to your post the next day, will EVERYONE be in agreement with your position? Is that fair? Is that HONEST? Is that *transparent*?
Now, in most cases, you can get away with this underhanded behavior. There’s only one thing you have to do to maintain your credibility and look like people agree with you….. Be. Faster. Than. Everyone. Else. That. Reads. Your. Blog!
If you come to your blog, and the dissenting posts have been sitting there for an hour, consider the possibility that SEVERAL PEOPLE may have ALREADY READ THEM and will see you for who you really are and what you’re really doing if you tamper with your comments. :/
What’s the problem if you get caught tampering with your comments?…. “Trickle Up”! :D
If you get caught tampering with comments on PERSONAL posts, your credibility is *SHOT*. You can NOT be trusted. If you can’t be trusted with the comments on your personal post, you can’t be trusted in what you POSTED either. Why tell the truth, when you could make up a convenient lie to make yourself look good? Now, your entire personalblog is tainted. Meanwhile, you’re the same person that writes and moderates widgetblog. Why should we believe that you’re willing to risk your business by allowing people to have opinions contrary to YOUR best interests? Now, the posts AND comments on widgetblog are tainted.
Meanwhile, you’re the owner of the widget company. Why should your character in doing business with someone face to face, shaking their hand and looking them in the eye be any stronger than when you’re posting a business or personal blog? So, unfortunately “this person is a liar” trickles UP to where you don’t want it because you didn’t have the stomach to leave your comments alone and perhaps POST A REBUTTAL? Stand up for your own statements? Explain to the dissenting commenter why you think you’re right and they’re wrong? Seriously. :/
Assuming you feel you’re prone to resort to underhanded tactics to make yourself look good in the future by tampering with people’s comments today… Here are some things you can do that will still make you look like you have something to hide, but there’s no PROOF, like when a statement that was “X” for 45 minutes, suddenly becomes “Y” merely by clicking ‘refresh’ in your browser. :/
Turn Off Comments – Your word is law and that’s it. Anybody who comes to personalblog or widgetblog will get what YOU have to say about things, and that’s it. Nobody else has any say.
Turn On Moderation – Make it so that NOBODY’S comments make it to personalblog or widgetblog unless YOU approve them. That way, when everything ends up positive, you just look like you spun the situation by only letting the comments through that you liked. This is DIFFERENT from changing people’s posts because there’s never anything negative for people to see in the first place, AND dissenting comments don’t become agreeing comments with the same person’s name on the top, posted at the exact same time.
Delete Dissenting Comments – MUCH, MUCH better than changing what people had to say from “X” to “Y” is deleting their comments altogether. That way, you look like someone who can’t handle the truth instead of someone actively cheating to make it look like everyone’s on your side in this situation.
Don’t Blog At All – Really, I don’t understand why some people post things on the net in the form of a blog with comments, when they don’t REALLY want to hear what people honestly think about what they’re saying or doing.
Maybe two years ago, I read something I thought was interesting on someone’s blog. I thought it was very interesting….. as well as COMPLETELY WRONG! :D I explained to her very professinally and clinically WHY she was wrong by posting a comment on her blog. Eventually, I got an email from her saying that she was going to erase my comment, and suggested (to her credit, because I hadn’t saved my post anywhere) that I copy it and post it on my own blog and link to hers.
I wrote back to her, thanked her for not deleting my post FIRST, and explained to her (in not so flowery terms) that I thought she was lame for having a web site where all she wanted on it was her opinions and people that agreed with her position. She was doing a disservice to her readers, because with all of them commiserating and rallying around the flag, it was the blind leading the blind, and they were never going to get to the solution to their problem, because they had the question wrong in the first place.
Since then, I’ve come to realize that many people post NOT to START a conversation, but to appear as if they’re an authority in something. They think that as long as they post something and nobody disagrees, they look intelligent or wise. I now realize that a lot of people use the internet to make themselves feel better or to doctor the results so as to convince themselves that they’re in the right and someone else was in the wrong.
That’s all well and good, however, if that’s the type of person you are, don’t think that people aren’t figuring you out. Don’t think that you’re getting away with tampering with comments or juking stats scot-free. Your credibility’s taking a hit, and you may find out down the line when nobody wants to buy your widgets that it’s because more people than you know saw you tampering with comments on some seemingly insignificant post and decided that your credibility as a businessperson has been seriously undermined by your personal character.
Bill Cammack • Cammack Media Group, LLC
Marry Rich
Yes, I know I said “only date broke chicks”, but now, we’re talking about marriage! :D
If you’re going to get married to a chick, make *SURE* she’s got ‘mad ducats’! :D
Don’t put yourself in the screwed-up position of having to support some deadbeat chick. That went out of style with The Flintstones and The Honeymooners. Women’s Lib is in FULL EFFECT… YA HEARD? Chicks have their own jobs… Chicks have their own money…. They’re even allowed to own land now. There’s no reason why you can’t find yourself a *RICH* chick to get married to. None.
You may have to do a little bullshitting, because chicks like to hook up with guys that are more successful than they are. Go hang out at the country club. Order an overpriced water and act like you’re drinking vodka. Drop a lot of references to your yacht and the several homes you own around the world. You know the drill. ;)
Anyway…
Now, there are two types of rich chicks you can go for. There’s the self-made rich chick that is educated and has her own career and has done what she’s needed to do to elevate her lifestyle to the lap of luxury. All props and credit to those women! :D … Then, there’s the type that’s rich because either her father or her ex-husband worked A LOT, and she’s become the beneficiary of their labor. It all depends on what you plan to do with her money, which kind of rich chick you want to go for….
If you want to keep her money to yourself, marry the rich, self-made chick. The higher she gets in her career, the more hours she’s going to have to spend working. This means you get to drive her fancy luxury car back and forth to the store to pick up the latest video games on her credit card. In this case, you’re basically the butler, Jeeves. It’s your job to pick her up from work after you chilled all day, drive her to the restaurant for dinner, since your ass probably can’t cook worth a damn, drive her back home and pamper her for about an hour before she falls asleep since she needs to get up early to go make you some more money in the morning. So, basically, by ‘working’ between 6 and 10pm every day, the equivalent of a part-time job, you enjoy all the luxuries she’s working so hard to make available to you. This works best with chicks you have no intention of having sex with.
OTOH… >:D … If you actually ENJOY her company and want to hang out with her and hit it, etc… then make sure you get one of those beneficiary-chicks. The bad thing about trust fund chicks and divorcees is that they’re spending their money faster than YOU’RE spending their money! :O The good thing about them is that they don’t actually have to waste time going to GET that money, so you have loads of time to hang out with them all day, every day! :D Paris on a Tuesday? No problem! :D Tavern On The Green on Thursday afternoon? No problem! :D
Fortunately, even though the divorce/cheating rates hover around 50% to 60%, there are still a bunch of dummies that get married without prenuptial agreements, so there are tons of divorcees around. um…. And don’t think I’m talking about old-ass chicks, either! :D Check out what Wikipedia has to say about Marriageable Age in Utah! :O
Utah: 18 generally for first marriage, 16 with parental consent, 14 with court approval or previous marriage.
… um…. Previous marriage *BEFORE* 14? :/ …. Anyway, you see what I’m getting at. By the time those chicks are divorced, they’ll just be turning legal age. By the time they’re divorced for the second or third time, they’ll be the age they would have been if they had graduated college…. *IF* they had gone to school past the 4th grade, when they got married the first time :/ So that’s two alimony checks, and the chick’s dumb as a box of rocks!…..
SWEET!!! :D
Friends, Acquaintances & Contacts
Kristen “Kroosh” Crusius wrote a post the other day about what’s going on in her “Friendiverse”… her universe of friends. Her post reminded me that I had intended to comment about Robert Scoble‘s videos about how social networks’ “friends lists” really work.
Part I of Social Graph Based Search. 14:41 minutes.
Part II of Social Graph Based Search. 15 minutes.
And a bonus round III. 6 minutes.
I didn’t get around to writing that post because I’ve been incredibly busy for the last two months.
I think the term “Friends”, as automatically used by several social sites is an unfortunate and misleading label. This is especially true when there are no other choices. You’re forced into a binary system…. Accept or Decline… Yes or No… 1 or 0… My-Friend or Not-My-Friend. Unfortunately, as Scoble pointed out in his videos, reality doesn’t work like that. There are different levels and flavors of relationships between people. Business relationships, Family relationships, Intimate relationships, Adversarial relationships… I think linkedin has it right with the generic term “contact”. How many ‘contacts’ do you have? They’re not (your friends) by default, nor are they (not your friends) by default. Still, in linkedin, there are several types of business relationships, including people that you have worked with personally… people you have not worked with personally, but you trust whomever recommended them to you… people you have not worked with and you have no professional recommendations for, but you vouch for them as a person, so you are happy to recommend them to someone who’s looking to fill a position…. people you have no intention of recommending to anyone, but you will still accept them as a contact… people that you are in contact with specifically so you can set them up with other people….. ALL of these are thrown in together under the title ‘contact’.
Because of the misnomer “friends”, some people have selected this to mean their ACTUAL friends and will only add people that they actually know. Here, I agree with Scoble’s assertion that this is an incorrect usage of social networks. How are you supposed to expand your circle of CONTACTS or “sphere of influence” if you limit yourself on the internet to only the people you know IRL? How are you supposed to learn about new people that might have similar interests or ideals if you deny them connection to you? What’s the point of being on a social site if you’re only going to get in touch with the same people you’re already in contact with? I think that if they had levels of acquaintance on these sites, a lot more people would be connected to each other, because the categories would make sense to them. You would be able to see at-a-glance what level each person had placed their contacts on, and make a better assessment of their actual interaction with each other.
Looking at it from the other direction… It’s not fair that someone that sends you a friends request out of the blue has the exact same status as someone you collaborate with or work with or highly respect or go out for drinks with or climb mountains and eat pancakes with. Both the random person and the IRL friend are marked down as “Friend”. There’s no meritocracy. Even with facebook‘s relationship qualifiers, that’s a SECONDARY trait. It’s like having everyone in your military with the rank of ‘Private’, and you have to go to each Private and ask them what their actual importance is in order to determine who out-ranks whom. No. It doesn’t work like that. You can tell from the bars or whatever emblem on their shoulders who’s running the show and who’s going to be digging the trenches.
In the absence of actual distinctions, I think the best approach to accepting/rejecting social site “friends” is innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around. It’s always a good thing when you can see the applicant’s friends list in order to tell who might know them that YOU know and whose judgement you trust. When I know certain people don’t like jerks, and those people are “friends” with someone, I’m more likely to take my ACTUAL friend’s word that this other person is cool. That would seem to go against what I was saying earlier, because what if my friend is using the same “innocent until proven guilty” style that I am? :) I would be accepting an untested “friend”. However, checks & balances will come into play. If the untested person actually interacts with the community, they’ll start getting “reviews” which will help you decide whether you want to keep them as a friend or not. Ultimately, the circle polices itself.
I was thinking about Kroosh’s “Friendiverse” yesterday, while I was watching Drew‘s live stream from PodCamp Philly. It’s a much more intimate format… giving personal, “hand-written” recommendations of places to go, people to see and things to do. I saw many people from MY Friendiverse on Drew’s stream yesterday… Kathryn, Eric, Jackson, Jonny, Steve, Grace, Charles… and ran into others in the text chat who were also watching the stream.
Ultimately, I’ve been inspired to focus more time & energy on the upper echelon of my own personal Friendiverse. In the game called “keeping up with the net”, it’s very easy to miss out on telling the people that matter to you how cool you think they are. :)
Bill Cammack • New York City • Freelance Video Editor • alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack
Gratitude
I’m sitting here right now, in Manhattan, in my house, able to type this on my computer right now because of the dedication of my friend, homie, brother, etc… Lou.
We went for a ride this morning, and the mechanic had assured me a couple of weeks ago that they checked out the electronics on my old-ass 1993 GSXR sportbike. I don’t doubt that they did. I think today was a NEW problem. It was so hot today, and my engine was running so hot, I’m pretty sure it burned through my cable leading to my ignition fuse. When I took the tank off so I could check my cables, they were different from when I had sent them to the mechanic, so I’m sure they did SOMETHING, and I don’t doubt it was proper. However, the location of my wires is conducive to them getting burnt and essentially “shorting out”.
I had had this happen quite a while ago, and my good friend MK got me out of that jam. This time Lou made it happen, and I just plain wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for Lou helping me out. I’d still be in Chester, NY, or wherever we were when my bike shut off.
I had offered to Lou to continue on his trip and just pass back that way when he was done. I didn’t want to ruin his day, but he wouldn’t break out. I was really more upset that I had messed up his plans for the day than that I was stranded out in the sticks without enough bike-mechanic knowledge to get ANYWHERE NEAR my house, where I am right now.
Eventually, we got back on the road and came back home. Thanks, Lou.
……….
There really isn’t any more to say, but it’s still not enough. I’ve had people go the “well, I’ve done all I can for ya… now I have to go” route under similar circumstances, and it doesn’t feel good. That’s an incredible understatement. Similarly, “Thanks, Lou” doesn’t even begin to amount to anything near how appreciative I am that he stuck with me and helped me out of that situation. Not that I *EXPECTED* any less of him, because I met Lou more than half my life ago… But, it’s still nice to receive that gift of friendship…. of dedication. While I wasn’t thinking properly and couldn’t bring myself to find the proper solution, either because I was so upset or because I just didn’t possess the technical, mechanical knowledge to get myself out of that situation, Lou was on-point, and I’m getting to type this right now because of him. :D
I didn’t realize how blessed I was when I first got my bike a few years ago…. I mean, I did, but I never documented it. Another life-long friend, Jay, walked me through learning to ride and then rode with me for VERY VERY MANY of the 20,000-plus miles I put on my bike in two years. Fortunately for Jay, he met the woman of his dreams and got married! :D I hadn’t realized how much of what I considered to be fun in “riding” was actually the fun of “riding WITH Jay”. On top of that, I hadn’t realized how much I was ‘dependent’ on Jay’s technical knowledge of biking. I was *N.E.V.E.R*, *EVER*, ONCE… NEVER worried that I wasn’t going to make it home tonight if I went riding with Jay. NEVER. I knew that Jay took bikes (and cars) apart and put them back together again. This was in the back of my mind… along with his dedication to me as a friend, and my dedication to him. Again, though it doesn’t come close to expressing my heartfelt gratitude… Thanks, Jay. :D
Going riding is like going campaigning or going to war. You go out with a certain number of guys/gals, and you return with that same number. Similar to what’s said about war… It’s EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to trust whomever’s next to you in the bunker. That BELIEF carries you to your greatest potential in riding. This guy Todd went off what I consider to be a short cliff one time when we went on a group ride. We went back to find him and five of us literally LIFTED his bike out of the woods he fell into, maybe 30 feet below. His front rim was jacked, so I suggested that someone remove his front brakes, and he was able to ride with us all the way back to NYC, and to his home in either Queens or Long Island. The point is that we were going to FIGURE OUT how to get him home and get his bike squared away. PERIOD. Even though that was my first time meeting him, he was rolling with US, so MY goal was to get him home. PERIOD. That was the goal of the others too, and we made it happen, hoisting his bike with one hand each and grabbing onto trees with our other hands while digging our boots in to the soft dirt of the ledge we were climbing with Todd’s bike in tow. Todd got home. Mission accomplished.
There are some who will read this and discount my claim that riding is like going to war because nobody’s shooting at us. Well… When you go riding, you’re not SURE you’re going to make it back. I’m NEVER sure I’m going to make it back when I go performance-riding. Anything can happen, from mechanical failure to someone running you off the road to oil slicks or construction to someone rear-ending you. I always thank God when I make it back, because I know I didn’t have to. There are quite a few riding deaths every year. One of them was my friend “Avo”. I didn’t know him for a long time, relative to many other riders, but he was a great guy and a solid rider. When Avo died on the West Side Highway, that was REALLY the first time that I honestly felt like “if it happened to him, it could happen to me”.
Anyway… I wanted to get this stuff down while I’m still feeling the immense *GRATITUDE* to Lou for sticking with me and changing his plan for the day from “having a good time” to “getting Bill back home”. I realize this is all my fault, and even though I completely LOVE my bike, I may very well need to sell it, because I’ve allowed it to become unreliable. It’s my fault that the bike’s unreliable. I bought it @ 22,000 miles and put another 20,000 on it in the span of two years. I allowed the ignition electronics to get jacked up. Nobody else. I’m either going to commit to getting it fixed PROPERLY or selling it and getting another bike. I’ve had enough of people saving me from the DEPRESSION of being WAY out of town with NO WAY to get home. :(
The bottom line is that riding isn’t about the bike you’re on… It’s about the people you share your experiences with.
Beleedat! :D
–
billcammack
MasamiBillShow 003 – Pictures
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MasamiBillShow 003 – Pictures
Masami, Letitia, Masako & Bill hang out for Masami & Letitia’s last night in New York City. Masami’s on her way to Japan and Letitia’s returning to France. It’s time to take pictures! :D
Bill: hahahaha
Letitia: So funny
All: [Low Voices for the camera] HA HA HA HA HA
Masami: hahaha I ____ so bad.
Bill : hehe
Letitia: Yeah, this one… this one is good
Masami: Work it baby! Work it baby!
Bill: There you go! There you go!
Masami: Work it honey! Work it!
Masako: Oh, that’s nice.
Letitia: Yes… That’s nice.
Masako: What’s that?
Masami: It’s not the picture… talk.
Masako: Really?
Masami: Videotaping.
All except Masako: HAHAHAHAHA :D
Letitia: She looks good!
Bill: What’s that? Stage Fright, right? What’s that? Stage Fright? … “REALLY?”
Masako: What are you doing?
Bill: Nothing. Weren’t you about to sing?
[Masako fakes singing]
Masako: No… I don’t trust. :)
All except Masako: HAHAHA
Bill: … And you shouldn’t. :) hahahaha
Letitia: He was taping you
Masami: Are you taping, or the… do I have to speak low?
Bill: No… You don’t have to speak at all.
Letitia: But you can SMILE!!! :D
Masami: What did she say?
Letitia: You can smile, ohmygod!
All except Letitia: HAHAHA :D
Letitia: I can’t, hahaha
Masami: You were singing!
Alliance
While TRUST is the most crucial necessity in any form of relationship, ALLIANCE is what that relationship rests upon… I mean, not even ‘rests’… Alliance is all that you actually have. Well… you don’t even necessarily HAVE it…..
According to Niccolo Machiavelli, “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be bothâ€. Fear and love are both reasons for someone to align themselves with you. Not fear of YOU, necessarily. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being able to say they’re in a relationship. Fear for a woman of not having kids before she reaches her 40s. Fear for a guy of not coming home to prepared meals & definite sex. These motivations behind alliances LOOK the same as love, but the focus is different. The person is avoiding pain instead of pursuing pleasure.
The problem with that is that you won’t know what the motivation is for someone’s alliance with you until it’s tested… As long as everything’s going well, you might feel that the other person’s in your corner… you’re on the same page… moving in the same direction. As soon as there’s an issue, scripts may become flipped and “true colors” may become apparent. Of course, there are lots of cases where the person’s motivations are respectable, and situations can either be worked out, or both parties can agree to disagree and move on in whatever new direction this relationship is going. In other cases, there are certain ploys you can count on your friend/girlfriend/wife/whatever to resort to in order to try to get their way.
Withholding
Blackmail
Guilt Trips
These are all natural reactions and often played out ‘in the heat of the moment’, except that that very HEAT is where people lose control of themselves… I should say where they lose control of the front they were putting up because they feared losing their relationship to you or at the very least feared losing status in your eyes, even if the relationship continued. Once that front is removed, you get to see… if you’re looking closely enough and have your wits about you while things are getting ugly, who you’re really dealing with and what they’re really thinking about you. It may not even be personal. They may think the same way about everyone… It’s just that now YOU know that you’re not exempt. You’re not special to them. They were aligned with you because they were getting what they wanted from you, and now there’s been a split…… A split between what they want and what you have for them. This is the time to keep your eyes open and your mind prepared to perceive treachery occurring right under your nose in the place where you least expected it.
Withholding and Blackmail are similar. The difference is that Blackmail offers you a way out, if you’re willing to comply with her demands. Blackmail is like in the movies, where someone has hostages, and they say they want a helicopter and five million dollars in $20s. :D Withholding is just plain “you.can’t.get.XYZ”, where XYZ is whatever you used to be getting from her. If she was cooking for you, forget it. If she was sexing you, forget it. If she was picking you up from work, forget it. WHATEVER you were getting before, you can’t get it now, because she’s decided that what she wants is more important than her relationship to you.
If you’re paying attention when this change comes over her, you’ll realize that she’s only doing what she does for you and being the person you thought she naturally was BECAUSE you’re doing things that she wants done for her. As soon as you become not[the guy that does XYZ for her], all bets are off. You may as well be a stranger in the street as far as she’s concerned. She’s turned off to you so your ALLIANCE is currently out the window as well as all the benefits that came with her perception of you as the guy that always does things her way.
There are easy ways around Withholding. Act like she’s right. Buy her some flowers. Tell her you thought about it and you were wrong. Don’t tell her anything, just whatever you vetoed that she asked you for, make it happen. There are lots of other techniques that guys have been using since the cavemen….. The question is “do you really want to continue a relationship with someone like this?” You’re only rewarding bad behavior by caving in to her ‘demands’. You’re training her that as soon as she withholds from you, you’re going to give her what she wants, so you may as well not veto anything ever again. Just bear it… don’t even bother grinning.
Blackmail is just about the same thing, except she’ll tell you what you need to do in order to have your privileges restored. Let’s say that Withdrawl is the passive version, and Blackmail is the active version. You get to hear about what’s going to happen if you don’t comply. :D Obviously, this is way more egregious than Withdrawl. Withdrawl leaves you the choice of placating her or not. Blackmail informs you that there are going to be “consequences & repercussions” [Eddie Murphy, "Life"] in response to your actions/words/decisions that set this whole thing off. Consequences might be that the relationship is over between you or no sex or she’s going to get loud with you or throw your clothes out the window or go hook up with your friend that’s been trying to hook up with her behind your back. :D
It’s clear if she’s trying to Blackmail you that she thinks she has some kind of power over you… and maybe she DOES! hahahaha… But if she doesn’t, the question remains… Is this the type of person that you want aligned with you? Do you want to be with someone that’s really out for her own best interests, and you can be down with her as long as you’re the goose that lays the golden eggs? :D
Guilt Trips are simultaneously the funniest and most pathetic, gut-wrenching ploys, IMO. :D It’s really embarrassing when someone tries to pull cards or call in favors that weren’t favors at the time. What’s embarrassing about it is that this person that you’ve aligned yourself with has ZERO FAITH in your alliance with them. It’s gut-wrenching because they’re accusing you of being the type of WEASEL that they themselves actually are, coming at you with these primitive tactics! :D They actually believe your character is as lame as theirs is… which is pathetic, because it’s a reflection of your ability to judge someone’s character that this idiot right in front of you thinks they can change your mind by calling in markers. The conversation basically goes like this:
I want XYZ
You can’t get it
Give it to me
You can’t get it
You’d better give it to me
You can’t get it
Remember I did ABC for you blah blah blah blah blah
There are two problems here. #1 is that she thinks your character is so weak that you didn’t consider the situation at all before you announced your veto. She thinks that by reminding you of something she did for you, either in the past or just a minute before the disagreement started that you’re suddenly going to change your mind. Pathetic. :/ Problem #2 is that….. At the time that she did ABC for you, she WANTED TO DO IT, and you probably didn’t even ASK her to do it, and she ENJOYED doing it and it was a fond memory that you had of your relationship with her.
NOW, she’s reaching back and acting like she did it only to build equity with you for a “rainy day” like today. She’s poisoning memories that you have with her by dragging them into the present to try to use as bargaining chips against your weak character that can be easily bought off after you already considered the situation and delivered your decision. Well… Which one is it? Was she being manipulative THEN and doing things to keep you doing what you do for her? Or is she being manipulative NOW and trying to change history from an authentic alliance with you to a series of favors she’s done for you with the intent to cash in her chips when she felt it was necessary?
Either way, it sucks. :/ If your alliance with each other were authentic, manipulation would neither be necessary or even a thought. “The heat of the moment” should lead to an appeal for consideration based on history together and alliance, and both of those things should be well considered by you before decisions are made final.
I think love is better than fear. Fear is only useful as long as it remains constant. As soon as whatever it is that they fear diminishes or overwhelms them, all bets are off. As soon as they fear something more than the fear that caused them to align themselves with you or you’re no longer perceived as “the one” that is shielding them from whatever it is they fear, you’ll be dealing with a completely different person.
This is why it’s important to keep your wits about you as soon as something goes wrong in a relationship. Pay attention… Keep your eyes peeled for that double black cat… the glitch in the matrix that tells you something’s suddenly changed about this person and you can temporarily see deeper into their REAL way of being and what they really think of you than you usually can…….
EMS Episode 44: “Ghetto Night 06″ – Trust Me
Character
The most important aspect of a relationship is trust. Without trust, you have nothing at all. If someone tells you they’re going to be somewhere at a particular time, you have to be able to trust that they’re going to be there. Otherwise, you have zero incentive to show up when they told you to meet them. If someone tells you they’re only involved with you, you have no reason to believe them if their word doesn’t mean anything… If someone tells you they’re pregnant and their word is worthless, you won’t believe them when they tell you it’s yours. There are an infinite number of chicks that went on Maury swearing up and down that so-and-so was the father, and according to the DNA test, he was NOT! :D OTOH, there are tons of guys that went on that show swearing they WEREN’T the father, and they were.
So… TRUST is CRITICAL. However… Trust is worthless if the person doesn’t have any character. No constitution. No integrity. If we consider TRUST to be a finger plugging a hole in a dam, CHARACTER is the ability to KEEP that finger in the dam. This is another area where people fall short in relationships. They’re perfectly trustworthy, but that trust is easily broken by someone mentally superior to them or by their own shortcomings. How many times have we heard people say they cheated because they were drunk? Whose fault is THAT? :/ The cheater is at fault, because even if they were trustworthy, their ability to keep their promise to someone disappeared when they got drunk. Even if they were so drunk that they were incapacitated and someone took advantage of them, they’re STILL at fault, because they drank so much that they put themselves in that position. Unless it was the very first time, and they had no idea they could get that drunk, they’ve been there before and they allowed themselves to go there again. If they promised someone they’d be faithful to them, they destroyed their own ability to maintain that promise.
Even without being inebriated, people demonstrate their lack of character and they chalk it up to “temptation”. What’s THAT supposed to mean? :/ You’re saying you can be faithful until ANYONE ELSE offers you something to do. Temptation? You mean like a snake came out of a tree with an apple and you ate it temptation? You mean like “an offer you couldn’t refuse” temptation? What kind of temptation is it that makes your word suddenly meaningless? It’s not temptation. It’s lack of character. You couldn’t stand on your own word, so as much as you might have meant well by promising something to someone, you don’t have the personal power or strength of character to deliver on that promise.
