Bill Cammack » truth

Why Nobody Tells You The Truth

Bill Cammack — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 06:55:42 +0000

So, I read this update by this chick, right?.. Saying that some dude did her wrong, right? :D

Of course, being a logical human being, I think that means she learned her lesson, so I put in my real, honest two cents about the situation and wake up to find out that she’s unfriended me or blocked me or whatever.

Not only that, but the comment I had left in her thread was deleted.

This is why nobody tells you the truth.

You can’t handle the truth.

You don’t want to hear the truth.

You get mad at people that tell you the truth, instead of rewarding them for honesty and their attempts to keep your life centered in reality rather than fantasy.

This is why people lie to you, get what they want, and bounce.

Extracting people who are willing to be REAL with you only leaves FAKE people in your life.

Does that make sense? >:D

You’re not hurting the person you blocked. You’re hurting yourself. You’re leaving yourself surrounded by a crowd of enablers, affirmation-chirpers, and bullshit artists that are willing to tell you anything you want to hear in order to remain in your good graces.

Keep listening to them without balanced input from opposing viewpoints and you’re going to need the coddling, affirmations and commiseration again in the very near future, because you’re not feeding your mind with what you need to improve yourself as a human being and prevent history from repeating itself.

If you say “Damn.. I can’t hit a 93 mph fastball”, and I say “That’s right. You can’t”, don’t get mad at The Kid! :D

The fact that I spoke to you AT ALL means I’m trying to help you. If I didn’t care, I’d let you stay stupid and keep falling in the same traps.
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Online Dating (False Advertising)

Bill Cammack — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 11:44:15 +0000

A homegirl of mine was just victimized by the most egregious case of online dating false advertising I’ve ever heard of! :D .. WOW!.. I mean, it was horrific. Some people ought to be absolutely ashamed and embarrassed about how they present themselves online vs. how they actually are in real life (IRL).

You Can’t Handle The Truth!

I already talked about this back in 2008, in “It’s All In The Game (Online Dating)”, in response to this comment on BlogHer:

Zandria: I have had several “interesting” experiences.
For one thing, a lot of guys seem to think they’re six feet tall. I]ve spoken to a number of women who back up this theory of Male Online Dating Height Exaggeration. Guys who really are tall — say, over 6’2″ — tend not to lie. But if I see a profile that says the guy is 6’0″, I’m going to assume he’s at least an inch or two shorter than that. (If I’m 5’9″ and wearing not-very-tall heels, and the dude is also wearing shoes, and we’re looking each other straight in the eye? I’m sorry, but you’re not six feet tall.)

Briefly.. I explained that guys know damned well that they’re not 6 feet tall, but they also know they might not get a date if they admit that they’re 5’9″, so it’s better for them to lie to you to get you to show up for the date and then see what they can do. >:D

A bit of truth-stretching is the norm on the dating scene, but it’s entirely unethical to go overboard with it.

Bait & Switch

Back in the day, I met this chick online and we were “friends” for several years… Let’s say 3 years (I don’t remember how long at this point). The entire time, I had been receiving up-to-date pictures from her of how she looked. At this 3-year mark, she created a new account on a new social networking site.

When I went to check out her account, her profile pic was the EXACT. SAME. PIC. that I first saw of her several years before. I knew damned well that she didn’t look like that anymore, so I asked her why she used that for her avatar. Her response was that that was the picture where she liked how she looked the best…

I was like “Yeah, but you don’t look like that NOW!”, which made no difference to her. It was in her best interest to show the better-looking pictures and get more guys interested and “cross that bridge when she gets to it” about how she currently looked.

The Fellaz

This is basically what recently happened to my homegirl.. She got duped with some ancient pictures of a dude, and when he arrived for the date, he looked more like the Crypt Keeper than Donnie Wahlberg.

<= Crypt Keeper.. Not Donnie. :/

SRSLY.. :/ If you look like the Crypt Keeper, fess up! :D

What do you think is going to happen when the chick finally sees you in person? You think she’s going to forget what your pictures looked like?

It’s one thing if you’re 5’11″ and you said you were 6’2″. That’s a lie you can potentially recover from. If you’re BUSTED and you told her that you’re not?… You’re pretty much finished before you get started.

If you said you were rich, you can pretty much get over on that until you tag up one time or maybe twice, but after that, if you can’t produce that yacht that you claimed was moored out in Sag Harbor, your rap is basically toast.

If you claimed you were gonna rock her body to the break-day-light and then you turned out to be a two-minute-brotha.. you’re done!

The Ladies

While tha fellaz need to keep it real, y’all ladies need to stop trying to get over as well… Nobody’s being fooled by those close-cropped pictures that only show your head and perhaps your neck. :D

Until a guy sees a full-body picture of you, he’s not believing the hype. If all you want to show is your grill, it’ll be assumed that the rest of you isn’t worth seeing, or in fact, would be detrimental to your rap.

You really don’t want a guy to figure out what physical condition you’re in when he sees you approaching the table on the night of the date. :) If he doesn’t like how you look, you might get some weird-ass reactions from him, which could create a very uncomfortable / awkward situation for you, in public, no less.

In fact.. If the guy knows what he’s doing, he’ll tell you to meet him at the restaurant and then post up across the street so he can see you arrive. If he doesn’t like what he’s looking at, he’ll just bounce and remove you from his friends list on the online dating site.

OTOH.. If you happen to be FOYINE, it’s in your best interest to make sure that guys know this when they browse your pictures.

I know y’all are always crying about “WAAAAH, WAAAAAH I want him to love me for ME! :( WAAAAAAAH!!!”, but “You” isn’t just your mind.. It’s your body too. If he’s not physically attracted to you, you’re not going to get the chance to tell him what’s on your mind.

Will you get a lot of messages you don’t want, from guys that just want to hit it & quit it? Sure… It’s your job to sift through your potential suitors to find that needle in the haystack that you want to spend time with as much as he wants to spend time with you. It’s better to have too many guys kickin’ it to you than too few! o_O

Keep It Real

Ultimately, the thing is this… If you cheat people on your profile, eventually, you’re going to have to pay the piper.

If you’re not in shape, that’s going to be obvious.

If you’re not as smart as you said you were, that’s going to be obvious.

If you suck at playing guitar when you said you were in a band, that’s going to be obvious.

I realize that some people are desperate to achieve even the shortest amount of physical contact with another human being, so tricking them into meeting you for a date is the move for you. I think everybody else needs to be aware that people do this and realize that online dating isn’t WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get).

My personal advice is that you should meet, kick it with and date people your friends already know. Checks & Balances is the name of the game.

There are too many people connected to too many people in the year 2010 for people to have to seek dates outside of their currently cultivated social sphere.

Hop on Facebook or MySpace or wherever you socialize with other people and let them know you’re interested in meeting someone to spend time with, kick it about philosophy with or get your FREAK ON with and let them suggest people that they think might be a match for you and that they can vouch for as cool people.

Other than that, you’re going to have to take your chances, whether you’re on the giving or receiving side of online dating false advertising.

On the giving side.. If you’re looking for a LTR, it’s in your best interest to lay your cards on the table from the giddyap. If you’re just trying to sneak in the door and hope you get to hook up before your date becomes sober, you might very well get over, so good luck with that! :D

On the receiving side, recognize that people are going to try to dupe you as often as possible and get over as much as possible. They might not look the way you think they look or think the way you think they think when you meet them in person. It’s all in the game! >:D

Why Women Are Better Liars Than Men

Bill Cammack — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 12:25:40 +0000

Women are better liars than men. This is because, in general, women can immerse themselves in fantasies way better than men can.

If women want to start to feel turned on, what do they do?… That’s right… READ A BOOK!!! :O .. Some words.. In a little paperback novel with one picture of Fabio on the cover holding some chick that they project to be them. Suddenly!!!… A Puerto Rican gal sitting on her fire escape in Harlem, NYC is ACTUALLY a southern belle, dressed like the woman on the cover, riding in a Horse & Buggy with her Fabioesque lover whom she imagines is only having sex with her until 100 pages later where she reads that TMZ reported that her man has been ******* every maid and nanny that they’ve ever hired since their relationship began.

Meanwhile.. Does that work for guys?… HEEEEEEEEEELLZ NAW!!! :D It’s the exact opposite. We need VISUAL STIMULATION and AS FEW WORDS FROM THE CHICK AS POSSIBLE!!! :D And it had better be the RIGHT stimulation, too! :D Too skinny? Won’t work. Too fat? Won’t work. Not sexy enough? Won’t work. Not “slutty” enough? Won’t work. Too into it? Won’t work. Not into it enough? Won’t work. Not dressed properly? Won’t work. Not doing the right actions? Won’t work. Doing the right action in the wrong way? Won’t work…..

Guys have to have EXACTLY what turns them on in order to feel turned on. Meanwhile gals only need the mental suggestion of a situation and they fill in all the blanks themselves. THIS is what makes women better liars than men.. blank-filling.

Guys can only grasp the part of the lie that they can comprehend, so their lies are like the icing on a cupcake instead of the entire cupcake. Guys say stuff like “I was playing poker with the fellaz” and think that’s a complete lie. They think that’s it, because when they visualize the lie, they see themselves with cards in their hands, money, chips, a drink on the table, some cigar smoke in the air…….. and that’s about it. They don’t know what the table looks like. They don’t know whose basement they’re playing in. They don’t know who else was involved in the game. They don’t know what area the house was in. They don’t know if they ordered pizza. They don’t know what alcohol they were drinking or what brand. They don’t know what time they got there. They don’t know what time they left. They don’t know what was on the television or the radio. This is because they were ******* some girl and really don’t think their main girlfriend’s smart enough to catch them in ANY lie, EVAR! :D

Meanwhile, women HAVE all this information because they’re immersed in their lies. They actually believe them. When the novel says “Fabio took her hand…”, she SEES Fabio. She SEES his hand. She SEES her hand. She sees the carriage and the horses and the driver and the leaves and what color they are and how many of them are on the ground and how many of them are in the trees and the walkway and the house and the color of Fabio’s eyes and the type of dress she was wearing and whether it was hand-made or not and how much money was in Fabio’s pocket or whether the butler was holding the ducats so the lines of Fabio’s suit wouldn’t be ruined and the color of her skin as she blushed at the gentlemanly treatment she was receiving from her man……. :/

THIS is why you can’t beat women at lying. This is ALSO why women catch YOU in lies! :D When you say you were playing poker, she receives an incomplete picture of the scene and a whole bunch of questions naturally occur to her that you don’t have the answers to, such as which shirt you wore to the hangout. um… WHAT? :O Now you’re all defensive because the only thing you remember from last night is what that chick looked like from behind. Now that you know you’re about to get caught, you get nervous and jumpy and overreact to simple questions that should be as easy to answer as “Was the light red or green when you crossed the street two minutes ago?”.. and down the rabbit hole you go. SEEYA!!! :D

Interestingly enough, immersion is also the reason that women are way more SUSCEPTIBLE to lies than men are. If you have the proper relationship to her (read: She’s “in love” with you), you can tell her anything you want, such as “No, honey. I’m not having sex with up to 10 other women, most of whom are waitresses or some other minimum-wage-type job” and she’ll turn around and tell all her girlfriends that her man is faithful to her regardless of what the truth is.

You can tell her anything you want.. “Check it out, SUNNN…. I was in Central Park earlier, and the grass was RED!!! :O”.. 20 minutes later, she’s on the phone or texting with her girlfriend talking about how the grass was red in Central Park this afternoon as if she saw it with her own eyes. It’s just too easy. :)

Now, it might SEEM that MEN are more susceptible to being lied to than women are. That’s technically true, but not actually. It’s not that the men actually fell for the lies.. It’s that we weren’t listening and don’t care what you said. When the game is on and you decide that that’s the time to tell us your lie about what you did last night, we don’t want to think about such irrelevant drivel and we’ll “yes” you off so you can stop interrupting us. We like to devote as little mental energy and time as possible to conversations that YOU start.

This works out to the female liar’s advantage because when y’all say “I was at the mall all afternoon”, we don’t want to hear ONE. MORE. DETAIL about the mall. We don’t care which mall you went to or which homegirls you hung out with or what shops you went to or what you bought or where the receipts are or your parking validation. Nothing. Nobody cares. :D Meanwhile, you were all up under some dude all afternoon and you’re like “heh, heh, heh.. Got away with it AGAIN! >:D”.

It’s probably all for the best anyway because your woman’s better prepared to ANSWER your questions than you are to ASK her questions that might trip her up. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. Everyone gets to feel good about themselves and the relationship continues.

Will this ever change? I doubt it. :) Guys are relatively dense. When their girlfriend asks them “How come you didn’t text me (or have any OTHER contact with me) for four days in a row?”, their response is “I was sick”. haha It really doesn’t occur to them that sickness wouldn’t have prevented them from pressing their thumbs against plastic to text her or AT LEAST hitting the ONE DIGIT that would activate the AUTO-DIAL that she knows he has her on in his phone. I guess he didn’t eat or drink liquids for four days as well? Even “I lost my phone and it was just returned to me in the mail” doesn’t work anymore because people have so many ways to contact each other via Social Media. Meanwhile, the obvious answer is that he was ******* the next chick for four days and forgot that you exist, or at least didn’t CARE that you exist until the better chick became unavailable.

So.. Think about the best liars you know… Are they women or men and what makes them better? O_o

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

Street Game 03: Trust & Truth in Relationships

Bill Cammack — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 18:24:19 +0000

Listen / Download => Street Game 03: Trust & Truth in Relationships [18:46]

Bill & Frank’s audio podcast derived from the DatingGenius dating advice blog.

More Episodes: http://billcammack.com/category/datinggenius/streetgame/

Cynic’s Guide to Dating

Bill Cammack — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:02:28 +0000

A friend told me a few weeks ago that she felt my blog posts were cynical. I wasn’t sure I agreed with her, so I looked up the actual definition, and I think she was exactly spot-on with her assessment.

I had taken cynical to mean “negative”, when, in fact, it actually means “aware of the possibilities and potential in a situation”. I’m definitely aware of these and I definitely apply my past experiences and the experiences that have been relayed to me by people whose word and judgement I trust to every situation I become involved in or aware of.

Cynical

1: captious, peevish
2: having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a: contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives b: based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest.

I think the opposite of this would be to retardedly ignore what you learned from past experiences and go forward into your next relationship as if none of your prior experiences ever happened to you. Perhaps they were all flukes, and this time’s going to be that fairytale relationship that you were brainwashed to believe you were ever going to be a part of.

That’s all well and good, and I’m sure people that do this feel FANTASTIC until reality falls on them like the proverbial ton of bricks out of nowhere and then they say stuff like “How could he have cheated on me?” when she wasn’t giving it up on a regular basis. “How could she dump me?” when he was taking her for granted and treating her more like a maid than a girlfriend. So.. Yes.. The application of cynicism to dating is useful and intelligent, though sobering and potentially depressing.

A LOT OF PEOPLE would insist that cynicism has no place in dating, because how can you date someone you don’t trust? Um…. Because she’s FOYINE??? :D

Anyway… Here’s how it goes down for the cynic…

They’re Lying

Being that you naturally distrust people, there’s no reason to suspend this when you enter the dating scene. The foolish and oft-utilized technique is to suddenly apply trustworthiness to a person that declares to you “We’re going out now” or “We’re together now”. In fact, that person is no more trustworthy AFTER telling you that than they were BEFORE telling you that. This is especially true because you know they have ulterior motives in wanting to date you in the first place… you just haven’t figured out what those motives ARE yet.

If you don’t trust someone, you can’t take their word for…. well…… ANYTHING! :D This is going to seem weird at first, as you struggle to believe your so-called “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” merely because of principle. Get over it. What feels strange to you about taking their word for stuff is that you just plain don’t believe them anyway and you’re trying to convince YOURSELF that you do. Just stop it.

If they told you the truth, it wasn’t the WHOLE truth

It’s not like people think it’s fun to lie to other people.. They just feel like it’s advantageous for them in the short-term. I think it’s actually more accurate for me to say not that your SO is LYING to you so much as they’re IGNORING THE TRUTH in order to tell you whatever you need to hear to do what they want you to do. This is why the practicing cynic accepts what they say as an indicator of something that might be *NEAR* the truth, and then play the percentages.

For example.. Your SO tells you that he’s playing poker every Tuesday night. This is true. It’s also true that he plays poker alone with his other girlfriend every Tuesday night. This is the part he left out. So, when your nosey, can’t-mind-her-own-business girlfriend tells you she saw your man kiss some chick goodnight at such and such an address last Tuesday, the cynic isn’t limited by the thought “That’s impossible… He plays poker on Tuesdays”. The cynic’s mind remains open to the possibilities and potential of a situation.

Same thing happens when you ask your girl how many guys she messed with before you. It doesn’t matter and it’s none of your business, so you’re most likely to receive a direct lie or a doctored (falsified) number. She’s going to tell you whatever she wants you to hear so that she doesn’t seem like a liar for too few and she doesn’t seem like a “slut” for too many. This is called, sadly enough.. “Applying Social Lubricant”, because she’s making it easier for you to continue to date her by strategically lying to you or at least only telling you the part of the truth that makes her look good and furthers her current agenda.

Oh.. I get it now.

Cynics are extremely good at recognizing patterns and deviations from those patterns. This is because the cynic is ALWAYS looking for the REAL thing that’s going on, as opposed to what this untrustworthy-yet-insanely-attractive person they’re dating is trying to sell them. This is actually to the other person’s benefit in situations such as sex, where the cynic isn’t likely to believe you enjoyed it, even though you SAID you did… so they do it to you all over again, just to make sure! ;)

Lots of people overdo it with the cynicism though. They think they know more than they actually do and end up making up elaborate, unlikely scenarios in their minds. They get used to you coming home from work @ 5:45 every day, and then when you arrive at 6pm, they figure that you spent that MYSTERIOUS 15 MINUTES cheating on them. :/ Struggle against this pathetic scenario. Try to focus on *useful* patterns like how he only smokes after sex and when you first arrived at the party tonight… he was smoking.

Cynics on Cynics?

Should cynics date cynics? Absolutely! :D There’s a certain camaraderie to be found between two social mercenaries that don’t trust anybody, including each other or themselves. “What’d you do last night?” “Nothing. How about you?” “I was just chillin.” “Yeah, Right.” “Yeah, Right.” “See you next week!” “Have a good one! Don’t do anything *I* wouldn’t do!” “Whatever!”

It’s a lot of fun, because you get to guess what they actually did and you know they’re lying to you, at least by omission, and you’re doing the same thing to them, except it’s by agreement. It’s like two warring countries sitting down at a table to talk about peace, which is never going to happen, but you still admire each other’s abilities on the battlefield and you can relate to each other as people on opposite sides of the game, but that do the same things and utilize the same tactics.

Strangely enough, the cynic can derive a form of trust in his or her fellow cynic that can’t be found in an average person. The only thing you can trust about people is that they’re going to do what they want to do when they want to do it. Through consistent interaction with people who bend the rules in their favor, the cynic begins to understand the pattern of the boundaries of what you can expect from someone. This person would never cheat in a game of chess, because that defeats the purpose of attempting to defeat his opponent mentally and strategically… however, if you leave your girl laying around, it’s a wrap. Therefore, you never trust the other cynic COMPLETELY, but you learn what you CAN trust about them.

This is way better than dealing with most people, who don’t really understand who they are because they play the game by the rules and do what other people tell them to do instead of figuring out what they REALLY want to do with their lives. Middle-of-the-road people should be trusted THE LEAST, because when put in extreme situations, they don’t know how to handle them and end up doing things that even THEY consider “out of character”, when their character was never tested and assessed in the first place.

Cynics know who they are and they’re fighting to win for themselves and get what they can get out of you. There’s something honorable in their up-frontness about that, regardless of how devious they actually are.

Do Opposites Attract?

Should non-cynics date cynics? Nope. :) It’s gonna be a tough row to hoe, unless you’re an impeccably above-board person. Even when you DIDN’T do anything wrong, the cynic’s going to be looking for it. Even when you’re telling the truth, the cynic is only going to absorb a small percentage of it as “truth” and most of it as “possibility”.

The cynic will never hand over any form of control in the relationship to you, because they obviously know better than you do about things, because you’re not a cynic and therefore not as discerning and calculating as they are. The cynic will let you BELIEVE you have power, so long as your decisions remain within the boundaries of what they would have suggested anyway.

Just about the only good thing for you about dating a cynic is that once they’ve judged you and judged you and judged you and judged you and judged you and they determine that you’re A-OK, the cynic will really be there for you. So many people have been tested and failed MISERABLY, that once you pass, you will receive the perks reserved for the people who made the grade.

The only question becomes whether you’ll want to stick around that long to see if you qualify or whether you will have bounced a long time ago to date someone that’s willing to accept you as-is, at face value, and assume that you’re innocent until proven guilty, instead of the other way around.

~Bill

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Bill Cammack » truth

Why Nobody Tells You The Truth

Related Posts

Online Dating (False Advertising)

You Can’t Handle The Truth!

Bait & Switch

The Fellaz

The Ladies

Keep It Real

Related Posts

Why Women Are Better Liars Than Men

Related Posts

Street Game 03: Trust & Truth in Relationships

Related Posts

Cynic’s Guide to Dating

They’re Lying

If they told you the truth, it wasn’t the WHOLE truth

Oh.. I get it now.

Cynics on Cynics?

Do Opposites Attract?

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