Vulnerability

My friend Ja-Naé Duane recently wrote a blog post entitled “The Power of Vulnerability”.

Here’s her video where she discusses what’s on her mind:

YouTube Link => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UY0iKTFenE

I think she made some interesting points… She’s inspired me to chat a little about vulnerability vs. strength.

Strength

In fact.. You’re only as strong as you are.

That seems to make sense, in the way that “Wherever you go.. There you are” is obvious, but the point is that if there’s a certain amount of weight that you can carry, you can’t carry any more than that.

Someone else might be able to carry more weight than you, and by trying to do everything yourself, you don’t receive the help they COULD give you if you were to either directly request it or at least show vulnerability indicating that you can’t carry as much as you’d like to.

Even someone that can carry way less than you might be able to supplement your abilities so you can make progress in your life or your current situation.

The problem is that people like to believe that they’re stronger than they are.. In effect, either attempting to wish superior abilities into existence, or just remain in denial about what they can and can’t do.

As strange as it seems, that format of arrogance is often a hindrance instead of an asset.

By not recognizing that you need help, accepting that fact, and requesting help from people that know more than you do or have been through the same situation before, you’re slowing your own personal growth as you rely on only your personal power to improve yourself.

When you’re working out, you don’t get stronger from lifting the same amount of weight for the same number of repetitions. You get stronger by stressing your muscle so that it goes “Hey! :O .. I’d better figure out how to move more weight for next time! :O”. You can do that yourself by working to fatigue, lowering the amount of weight you’re lifting and immediately continuing.. or you can get a workout partner. When your partner notices that you’re about to fail in your lift, he or she can apply a slight amount of pressure, making the weight slightly lighter, enough so that you can complete your lift and start training your body to do tougher work.

Assistance

Introspection and self-improvement works the same way. You can either try to do it yourself, or brainstorm with someone else. If you come to the table feeling “I know everything about this, and I don’t need help from anyone”, you look good and you look self-sufficient, and that probably feels good at the time, but at the end of the day (week, month, year), you won’t have benefitted from other people’s opinions about whatever you feel is blocking you because you never opened yourself up to them and they never knew that the issue was an issue for you.

So basically, it’s “Feel impressive now, by acting invulnerable, and make way less progress” or “Make yourself vulnerable by telling people what you need help with, and move forward with an entire team of people working on your problem instead of trying to handle it all yourself”.

Does this mean you offer this to everyone? Nope. :) You need to determine that someone is a) on your team, b) won’t put your business in the streets, and c) is actually ABLE to help you or offer valuable insight on whatever you’re kickin’ it with them about… There’s no point in asking for cooking tips from someone that you know eats out at fast food restaurants all the time.

Also.. Just because someone CAN help you doesn’t mean they FEEL LIKE helping you, or even hearing about what you want to talk about. I know people that just run their mouths incessantly, as if anybody ever asked them anything. It’s only courtesy that prevents people from telling them to STFU and that they don’t give a flying **** about what they’re saying. If you bring something up, make sure to figure out whether the person actually cares before wasting your breath and time yakking about something that they’re trying to forget as quickly as you’re trying to tell them.

This isn’t just a “help me” issue, either, And I know that’s not specifically what Ja-Naé was talking about in her video & post. It could be something as simple as “I feel this way, even though most people I come into contact with express a different opinion”. That different way you feel is simultaneously your opportunity to lose followers or to gain alliances with people that you totally wouldn’t have suspected you had things in common with because they weren’t bringing up the same topics you were silently living with, yourself.

Individuality

I went to dinner with several social media friends a while back… The reason I mention “social media” is because, like everyone else, my social media presence is a percentage of the overall, real-life experience of interacting with The Kid. hahaha Even “The Kid” is part of the online show, because I don’t actually refer to myself in third person, IRL. I don’t refer to myself at all. I’m really more interested in what’s going on with the people that I’m hanging out with, or else I wouldn’t be hanging out with them.

So, somehow, we start talking about dating. I’m pretty sure that was my fault. :P .. I think out of basic courtesy, someone had asked me what I had been doing before dinner, and I had been in a situation that involved women, as usual, so I started talking about that.

At some point, the conversation reached a crossroad. I had two options. I was either going to “play it safe” and pretend I’m not who I am, or I was going to entertain / amuse / shock the group with real stories from the dating trenches… I was feeling ambitious / aggressive, so I decided to go for it. >:D

What I received was a mixed bag. That’s to be expected when you drop the same information on several individuals, simultaneously.

One woman seemed like she was either aghast, had nothing to contribute on the topic or didn’t want to contribute something that would put her in what she would perceive to be an uncomfortable position. I get that, because I’m friends with her (or, at least, I *WAS*, up until that point in time! :D HAHA), and she didn’t want to feel uncomfortable by telling me what she thinks I should do with my life, but she also didn’t want to feel uncomfortable by NOT attempting to reprimand me as if she were my schoolteacher, and seeming like she was either approving of, condoning, or even merely “ok with” what I was saying.

It was funny, watching those “What should I do in this situation?” wheels turning in her head as she attempted to figure out what she could contribute to the conversation without putting herself in a bad position, socially. It would have been better for her if she would have known that I do stuff like this all the time, and I fully expect people to say blah blah blah whatever about what I just said and it doesn’t actually matter to me, because it’s only information about THEM, not me, and I enjoy getting to know people in that way.

One guy was also stunned, but kind of in a “HOLY ****! :O .. Did he actually DO THAT??? :O” way that was rather flattering, as far as I’m concerned. I pride myself on being cutting edge and thinking outside of the box, and as strange as the group found what I was saying, I wasn’t even going 10% into the depths of where I could have taken them as far as the dating scene in NYC.

He ended up offering me a few website suggestions that I haven’t implemented yet, but were all very good ideas. His response was simultaneously “creeped out” and “a fan”, which was rather fun & enjoyable for me, haha :D

Another woman countered my stories with her own tales from back in the day, including pictures on her smartphone… She looked good in the pictures, but I was even more impressed with her current fortitude and the brand of one-upmanship with which she presented her case. It was like “Yeah.. Well.. I put in work back in my day as well, so WHO *YOU* TELLIN’? >:D”. haha Rather admirable.

She’s still cute and rather vivacious TODAY, so she should be knockin’ off dudes in her age bracket left & right! >:D hahaha Play On, Playette!!! ;)

Meanwhile…

The fifth member of our party, another guy, had the most interesting response of everyone… I don’t remember exactly what he said, because I was in the moment and monitoring everyone at the table at the same time for their reactions. He said something like “So, you’re just a jerk.” or “So, you’re just an asshole.” or something.. I don’t remember the actual term he used, but his implication is what I received.

I believe I had been laughing at the time he said that, or maybe I started laughing when I heard him say that.. Either way, I suppressed two chuckles to grunt “Yeah. :)” and then I got back to the laugh I had been enjoying.

I understood what he was saying, and I respect and appreciate what he did… He was under the same pressure that the first woman was under. He was either going to stay shut and seem like he condoned what I was saying, effectively throwing himself under the same bus with me, or he was going to speak against what I was saying, making things potentially uncomfortable between him and I, but solidifying his position with the rest of the group as someone ANTI what I was saying.

In fact, even though I didn’t mention this to him, and I doubt he reads my blog, I completely appreciate the fact that he was willing to take a stand on the matter, pro or con. The opportunity that we miss because of Political Correctness and groupthink is that we never get to test our logic or learn from differing opinions. Everybody wants to say “ME TOO! :D” and “I AGREE WITH YOU! :D” or they STFU. This slows people’s growth and causes them to react poorly when they encounter someone that’s willing to say “You’re wrong about that, and here’s why..”, or simply “I understand that you feel that way, but I feel differently about that”.

This is why my response was “Yeah. :)”, because, in fact, whatever name he called me is of zero consequence, whatsoever. It’s not going to stop me from doing business, and it’s not going to stop me from getting laid.

All it can really do is HELP HIM to get laid, which I’m used to from playing “Good Cop, Bad Cop” style on chicks… One guy is the jerk. The other guy reprimands him. The girls either go for the bad boy or the nice guy. There’s a 50% chance that I will benefit from the technique, but there’s a 100% chance that ONE OF US will benefit, which isn’t something you can always say about mixed-company interactions.

I’m definitely willing to take the heat if it helps a friend get on, hehe I’mma get mine’s, regardless. >:D

So anyway.. My point is that I could have avoided all of that by staying shut and only telling my dinner companions what I knew they were comfortable with hearing about that would have made me look like a middle-of-the-road type of person.

I elected to talk about some fun stuff because it was going to either enhance or erode my interpersonal relationships with them instead of leaving the situation stagnant. I liked them all enough as people to take that chance, and I’m happy with what I received in return… Whether our relationships moved forward or backward, I’m glad that I provided them with information that will help them make an informed and educated decision, either way.

Lectures & Consequences

The only situation that immediately comes to mind for me, regarding vulnerability (meaning that similar to Ja-Naé, I should work on creating more instances of this..) is one where years ago I went to visit one of my best friends and a sensei to me in the chick game.

I wish I could remember the scenario exactly, but basically, IIRC, I had been kickin’ it with some chick that I liked and I had informed him that I was going to be in a situation where I could have hooked up with her. I ended up NOT hooking up with her, but I totally didn’t want to talk about that.

When he asked me what went on with her, I said something to the effect that it was ok. He asked me directly if I hit it, and I lied and said “yes”.

I lied because I didn’t want to go through the hour(s) worth of a lecture I was going to receive if I admitted I hadn’t bagged her. I just wanted to hang out and have a good time, and really didn’t want to talk about strategy and theory that day.

Maybe I was also embarrassed that I hadn’t hit it. \o/ I don’t remember. Either way, the point is that I thought I was playing it off lovely, but he kept asking me about it and asking me about it and asking me about it until I finally admitted that I didn’t hook up with her.

His response was that he had already been fully aware that I hadn’t hit it because my action report wasn’t what it should have been and always was.

I relatively immediately recognized that he was absolutely correct, and my lie was absolutely incredible without the typical details. I didn’t have much time to dwell on that, though, as I became instantly depressed that I was about to receive the lecture I had been attempting to avoid with my weak lie. :(

The reason I bring this up is that somewhere amongst the barrage of comments and criticism I received about my lack of effectiveness, he said that there was no way he could help me unless I gave him the actual facts about the situation.

This was a watershed event for me in the vulnerability vs. strength game.

I recognized that he was absolutely right, and that I actually should have been IN A HURRY to detail my failure to him so I could get some better ideas on how to handle the situation next time. My options were to progress slowly by trying to hide situations where I didn’t achieve maximum effectiveness or progress quickly by bringing my issues to the table and figuring things out as a team instead of an individual.

I’ve also gone in the opposite direction, claiming that I didn’t hook up with a chick when I actually did.

That was more of an issue of my own personal taste vs, let’s call it, societal standards of attractiveness.. I wouldn’t have gained any props for admitting I messed with her, and I actually would have lost credit for having low visual standards when it comes to hookups… Also, there was no educational value in discussing it, because I did what I was supposed to do, so sweeping it under the rug appeared to be a WIN across the board.

Still.. In the context of this article, one could argue that admitting to liking a certain look or style to a female would probably lead to people sending me more of them instead of figuring I wouldn’t be interested and not introducing us… Once again, authenticity / vulnerability can be viewed as a benefit, in the grand scheme of things.

In fact, my blog has yielded the most interesting IRL conversations from posts that I figured NOBODY would want to discuss… I considered some of those posts complete throwaways, but I’ve received immense value from them as they’ve brought me closer to women I figured I’d never get to know, other than peripherally.

Taking Chances

That’s not to say that the road is easy… Not at all. Like I said in my dinner party example, you have to be willing to lose big if you want to make unorthodox strides in your relationships.

Most people aren’t willing to lose, so they play the middle of the road. Whatever’s in style, they agree with it. Whatever’s in fashion, they wear it. That’s all well & good and keeps life simple, but my best relationships are with people that know more about who I am rather than less.

Similarly, I know women that will give you some the first day they meet you. I know other women that will make you wait 90 days, regardless! :D hehe I don’t see one as a slut and one as virtuous. I don’t see one as regular and one as a prude. They’re just facts.. components of their personalities. It’s what you get when you interact with them. It comes in the package.

I know guys that will look out for your girlfriend as if she’s family to them if they run into her and you’re not there. I know guys that will try to screw your girlfriend if they see her and you’re not around. They’re just facts.. components.

The way I see it, it’s better to know where people stand and what they’re into and likely to do than to remain oblivious in a society that attempts to convince you that we’re all living the exact same lifestyles.

The people that are going to say “You’re weird as hell and I don’t want to associate with you! :(” would have bailed on you when you needed them anyway. Think about it. Good Riddance to Bad Garbage.

The people that say “You’re just a jerk, aren’t you?” and still wish you well at the end of the day are the ones you can grow with because they’re not scared to stand up for what they believe in and vigorously defend their positions.

The people that are willing to expose themselves to vulnerability by sharing authentic thoughts and feelings with you are actually the strong ones, because whether you shun them or embrace them, they’re ready and willing to forge forward into whatever their lives are going to become… With or without you…
–
http://listn.to/reelsolidtv
Bill Cammack – “Neo vs. Morpheus” by Bill Cammack

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Reader “Mark” had some interesting comments about my post “What if YOU get removed from Google?”. I thought I’d take a minute to talk about his points for today’s UnGoogled blog.

So you don’t have to go back and read my post… A WordPress vulnerability was exploited on this blog and someone added text to my footer which caused Google to take my offending pages down and send me an email saying they might remain gone from google search results for 30 days or more. Here’s what I got in the comments:

Mark: “Given that this WordPress vulnerability has been known for months, it’s your fault for not watching out for it and taking precautions. Every serious business owner backs up his site daily and watches the WP dashboard for news. You can’t hang this one on Google; this one falls squarely on your head. Google doesn’t want to index infected sites. Sounds like a reasonable rule to me.”

What “Mark” is saying makes perfect sense, and is probably 100% correct. Here are my thoughts:

Mark: “Given that this WordPress vulnerability has been known for months, it’s your fault for not watching out for it and taking precautions.”

Now… I had some VERY interesting conversations based around this comment. Not with “Mark” but with people I actually know. The comments were centered around “fault”. The commenters also seemed to feel like I was upset with my 1,048 pages being removed from Google’s search results. :D This is one of the things that happens when you communicate via text. Inflection is lost and the context given by vocal tones and facial expressions is completely lost on the reader.

First of all, like I said in the first post, I don’t need to be listed in Google for business, and I don’t need to be listed in Google for socialization. I am a REAL PERSON with REAL FRIENDS and I do work for REAL BUSINESSES. I get work via word of mouth. I don’t approach people for work. People approach ME to see if I’m available / interested in working on their projects. The only thing I’m missing by not being listed in Google search results is the random hits I get from people surfing the web looking for generic topics such as “Dating Women in NYC” and “How To Break Up With A Girl” and “Male Birth Control Pills” etc etc etc. Who cares? As a matter of fact, I’ve already compensated for the hits I’ve lost, but that’s a topic for another day’s UnGoogled blog entry since I felt like talking about “Mark”s comments today.

Mark: “Every serious business owner backs up his site daily and watches the WP dashboard for news.”

Obviously, this is a ridiculous statement. :) All you have to do is put the word “Not” in front of that sentence, since obviously only one instance negates that entire statement. So… “NOT Every serious business owner backs up his/her site daily and watches the WP dashboard for news”. Ahhhh… That’s better. Another good statement would be “Every serious business owner SHOULD back up his/her site daily and watch the WP dashboard for news”. Even THAT makes more sense. :D

The other comments I received that weren’t posted on the blog were along the same lines… You should have known. You should have been keeping up with the update notifications. You get what you pay for (Since WordPress is free). You wouldn’t drive a car without knowing how to fix it (which is bullshit).

I found two things interesting about these comments. The first one was that I was consulting *GEEKS* for this discussion. I was talking with people who live and breathe web design. Oh, I just remembered another one! :D “WordPress has to constantly be updated… If you want to avoid that, use Moveable Type”. See what I mean? The people I was talking to had extremely extensive knowledge about blogs compared to mine. That’s like someone asking me about editing and my acting like they know as much about it as I do and then saying it was their fault for not knowing what I know, even though they don’t do what I do. :)

So, is the situation “my fault”? Sure. I’m the one that didn’t upgrade to the newest WordPress. But you know what? That makes me just like ANYBODY.ELSE. that hasn’t upgraded to the latest WordPress yet. And THAT means that ANYBODY.ELSE. in that same situation that reads what happened to my blog can get something out of it and potentially prevent the same thing from happening to them. Good. :)

The other interesting thing about the expectations of people “staying on top of” the current state of their blogs (whatever platform they’re on) is that the internet’s all about opportunity. It may even be about the lowest common denominator. People are SUPPOSED to be able to make web sites without being WEB DESIGN GEEKS. People are NOT supposed to drive cars unless they have a particular level of proficiency. One of the main ideas of the internet is freedom of expression and the opportunity to do things you normally wouldn’t get to do. Most people that have shows on the internet wouldn’t have made it through auditions for television shows. Should they be disallowed from acting or being videographers or musicians or editors because someone decided that they weren’t talented enough or good looking enough to be a part of the production? Nope. Similarly, there’s no REQUIREMENT for people to know all of the ins and outs of web design before they’re “allowed” to make sites for recreation, fun, entertainment OR business.

Mark: “You can’t hang this one on Google; this one falls squarely on your head.”

I don’t believe anything was “hung” on Google. Hanging it on Google would be saying “I didn’t do anything at all, and my pages disappeared from Google, and I wasn’t informed of whom I could talk to to clear this situation up”. I didn’t say that. This situation DOES bring up the point, however, that perhaps Lowest Common Denominator isn’t good enough. Maybe people who don’t care enough to bother with vigilantly defending the security of their web sites should hire people who love to do that kind of thing to do that work for them. Maybe that’s an industry for someone. :) Community Website Overwatch.

The “You Get What You Pay For” point was a good one. It’s easy to forget that you’re using free software, when software’s SUPPOSED to be free. Blogger’s free. Browsers are free… Safari, Firefox, Flock… You can get FTP programs for free. There are sites like freevlog.org that SPECIFICALLY make a point of teaching people how to set up videoblogs for free. I’m sure there are services where you can pay people to handle all of this site creation, maintenance and security for you if you feel like it. So, I suppose, if you don’t want the blame to “fall squarely on your head”, hire someone else for the blame to fall on or to be vigilant about prevention.

Mark: “Google doesn’t want to index infected sites. Sounds like a reasonable rule to me.”

Yup. Sounds reasonable to me as well. :) We’ll see if they’re as quick to reinstate it as they were to take it down. According to their correspondence, it could be weeks. In the meantime, I’ve been compensating for my 56.04% of missing traffic, thanks to being UnGoogled. I’ve also been contemplating my new Google Anonymity. :D I only met one new person last weekend, and by the time I was introduced, they had already been told about the Google situation by our mutual acquaintance. Still, it was an odd feeling, for the first time since 2006, not wondering if some random person I might run into had stumbled onto one of my posts via Google. It’s relatively liberating, actually, hehe I’m starting to get used to it.

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Such an interesting day… suddenly… :D

… At some point this morning, I went to check on my Google status.

The way I do that is to Google the word “Bill” or the word “bill”.

On November 12, 2007, I was on page 4: (#37 of 41,600,000 English pages for “Bill”)

On February 15, 2008, I was on page 1: (#10 of 42,000,000 English pages for “Bill”)

On April 20, 2008, I was STILL on page 1: (#3 of 29,700,000 English pages for “Bill”)

Now, I could have taken a screenshot every single day, if I gave a damn, because I haven’t been outside of the top ten results for “Bill” or “bill” for the last five (5) months. In fact, everybody KNOWS that, because I don’t carry business cards. I just tell people to “Google Bill”.

So anyway, hahahaha :D I google my first name, and interestingly enough, I’m not on page 1. I look at the number of entries and notice that it’s ballooned to 395,000,000 English pages.

So I’m like, ok. So what? This is interesting. For once, I get to see myself on page 2. When they get rid of those extra couple of hundred MILLION results, I’ll be back in position.

Nope! :D

Page 3?… 4?… 11?….. Nothing. :D

So now, I’m getting suspicious, so I start googling stuff that I *KNOW* I’m on page 1 for, such as “Bill Cammack” and the first thing that comes up is my Flickr set. :/

Photo by Jonathan Dingman

So now I’m like “oh. I see. My entire DOMAIN NAME has disappeared from Google”. :/ So then I did this search:

and received this: :D

And… Yes… I tried it in “all languages” too, as if I EVER post in anything except English.

Now…

I don’t know anything about how sites disappear/reappear in Google’s results. This Page gives Google’s explanation of what could happen to YOUR site:

Also, as I mentioned, there are usually tens of millions of English pages for “Bill” and today, there are hundreds of millions, almost ten times the usual number. However, that makes no difference, because my site is currently not indexed by google AT ALL, as if it never existed. :D

Now… Rewind a couple of days… On July 16, 2008, I was experimenting with Google Ads and wrote a post about it, so the two things that came to mind were that a) someone tampered with my site, or b) I messed something up when I added and then deleted my Google Ads within like two days, because they totally weren’t floating my boat. As I was discussing this with Tyme, she mentioned that my site might have been removed for some sort of Adsense violation. Googling removal situations, I landed on a page that said they usually send out some sort of explanation if they remove you themselves……

So I go to my junk mail folder, and lo and behold, there’s an email from “Google Search Quality”, which read:

Dear site owner or webmaster of billcammack.com,

While we were indexing your webpages, we detected that some of your pages were using techniques that are outside our quality guidelines, which can be found here: http://www.google.com/webmasters/guidelines.html. This appears to be because your site has been modified by a third party. Typically, the offending party gains access to an insecure directory that has open permissions. Many times, they will upload files or modify existing ones, which then show up as spam in our index.

The following is some example hidden text we found at billcammack.com:

and went on to describe the offending text.

Interestingly enough, I received this email on July 17, 2008, less than a day after my Google Ads post. When I mentioned this to Tyme, she pointed me to a post she recently made on her 9rules blog, called Securing Your WordPress Site. Thanks to Tyme’s post, which cited this article by Brajeshwar, which describes how he found foreign code in his site’s header file, I figured out what had happened.

Sure Enough… a simple “View Page Source” revealed that my site had been ‘infected’ with “hidden” text when I searched for one of the words that Google informed me was on my site. I switched themes, upgraded WordPress and did a couple of other things to prepare to “request reconsideration” of my site for indexing in Google’s search results.

I did that today, June 18, 2008, and we’ll see how long it takes, since this is what’s written on the reconsideration request page:

Please allow several weeks for the re-evaluation process. Unfortunately, we can’t reply individually to reconsideration requests.

So this got me thinking….

Can YOU afford for your site to be removed from Google’s search results? Would that impact your business? Would it impact your social life? Would it impact your ‘cred’?

Personally, I don’t need google for business. I don’t need google for socialization. I am a REAL PERSON who does work for REAL COMPANIES and has REAL FRIENDS that I hang out with, regardless of whether my site is indexed in Google. The hits that I get from Google are all *RANDOMS*. The people that are wondering what Bill Cammack did last night or last week are either SUBSCRIBED to my site via RSS or have billcammack.com in their favorites or bookmarks somewhere. Being on Page 1 on Google for “Bill” is strictly a NOVELTY for me, because….. I never even BRANDED “Bill”. :D People ask me all the time, “What did you do to get to page 1 for ‘Bill’?”, and I can’t tell them, because all I did was POST. INTERESTING. ISH, like this post you’re reading right now. Granted, I can’t/won’t take credit for the popularity of my site, because other than Google (which, according to Google Analytics accounts for accountED for 56.04% of my page hits) I get a lot of referral traffic from people like Richard Blakeley & Lux Alptraum of Boinkology.com.

So, like I said in my posts about Fame and “Star Power”, I couldn’t possibly give a damn about people that I don’t know at all googling some topic that I happened to have posted about and enriching their own lives by reading what *I* wrote. :D Therefore, it doesn’t matter to me AT ALL, that according to Google right now, my site doesn’t even exist.

But what about you?

What would happen to YOUR business if Google suddenly didn’t see your site?
What would happen to YOUR standing in your field amongst people that don’t know your CV yet?
What happens if nobody can google YOUR company and see years worth of posts and videos and pictures and awards and accolades and recommendations?

I have over 1,000 posts on BillCammack.com that are currently absolutely ****ing INVISIBLE on Google. It’s funny, :) because this is such an odd feeling that I can’t really explain it. :D It’s relatively unique. It’s like the world suddenly caught amnesia when it comes to anything you’ve said or done over the past umpteen years.

The closest I can come to explaining it is… We’ve all seen what happens when Twitter fails.

What happens if Google fails YOU?

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