So I’m watching this “reality” show, and some guys that are friends and housemates decide they’re going to go to a bar and meet some chicks.

When they get there, one of them gets a rap to a gal that, apparently, one of the other housemates there liked.

I don’t know if there was any history between her and the other guy, because this was the first episode I was seeing of the show.

So, in the confessionals (the side-interviews they do with the cast members when nobody else is around them), the extra dude is talking all kinds of trash about the guy who the girl was talking to, although, when he was there at the bar, this guy only had nice things to say about his housemate.

Off the bat, I found this to be strange. You either like people or you don’t. You either want them to get laid or you don’t. You’re happy for them to have a chance, or you aren’t.

So the dude that’s about to get on tells the chick something like “Behave yourself while I’m in the bathroom.”

Of course women are jumping up and down right now, but the relevant point here is that he was indicating his lack of self-confidence… If you’re going to lose your rap to a chick as soon as she gets out of your site, you just suck to begin with.

That also means that since you suck, she’s not going to be following your orders anyway, so you should just say “I’ll be right back” and go where you were going.

So, as soon as dude is out of sight, the chick hustles over to the wingman, hops next to him on the couch, throws her arm around his and starts kickin’ it to him.

According to the dude, she was telling him that she didn’t like his friend.

They edited the show, so we don’t know whether he put in a good word for his boy or not.

Soon afterwards, the chick is nowhere to be seen, and the wingman approaches his friend and tells him “I’m not trying to cockblock you, but your girl was coming on to me.”

This causes laughter and a shrugging-off by the housemate, as if the wingman is joking or doesn’t have a grasp on reality.

This is another sign of insecurity. What would the value be of your wingman telling you that your girl stepped to him, other than getting you information that you *SHOULD* pay attention to, and perhaps.. amp up your game?

So the dude gets the chick to come back to the house, and they bring a couple of extra women along, in case the wingman wanted one, and maybe some other dude in the house.

Instead of kickin’ it with the extra chicks, the wingman is sitting down, sulking.. Probably because he wanted the girl his boy got.

KABOOM!!!

Eventually, dude is about to finally get the girl upstairs… Unfortunately, the disgruntled, crabby, sour, bitter, salty wingman tells her something like “Go do what you’re gonna do” or “Go do what you came to do”, implying that he knew she was about to give it up, and immediately ruining the rap for his homeboy, due to the typical female “I’m not a slut” reaction.

Generally.. Women like to believe that you don’t think they ever have sex. All you need to do is imply that they’re about to give it up to trigger them into defiantly proving you wrong by *NOT* giving it up.

Unfortunately, this works even if you’re not the one that was about to get laid, so the grumpy, disgruntled wingman successfully torpedoed his boy’s action for the night.

The chick comes back and argues with him, causing the wing to remind his friend that he stepped to him in the club and told him that his girl had been hitting on him.

Of course, her response was “I wasn’t hitting on him, he was hitting on ME! :O”, which was an absolute lie, because it was all on videotape, how he was minding his own business, and she hopped on the couch and grabbed him, which she loudly denied as if her word were her bond.

This led to even more stupidity as the much-shorter and much-lighter-weight wingman got in the face of the dude whose lay he just ****** up, and ended up getting pushed into a wall. He then proceeded to almost physically cry about it and declare their friendship over… before sobering up the next day and squashing it with the dude who he successfully and deliberately cockblocked the night before.

This is what’s known as bitchassedness.

Here’s the deal.. Understand the game, or don’t play it.

If you’re going out with the fellaz to chase chicks, may the best man win. Period.

If you see a chick you like, make your move before your boy does. If she chooses him before you get your shot, you have to eat that.

Not only is it your job to STFU, but it’s your job to help him get on, INCLUDING not talking trash about him behind his back, and INCLUDING distracting the extra chicks so your boy can get some privacy with the girl you wish you had.

It’s all in the game.

Next time, if you’re the one that gets on, he’ll back your play like you backed his.

You don’t want him pulling stupid stunts while YOU’RE trying to get laid, so don’t screw up his game either. Make yourself useful and get your kicks from the SitRep in the morning. (Situation Report)

That’s not an easy lesson to learn, because it sucks the first time you don’t get the rap to a girl you wanted, and your boy gets her. It sucks the second time, and the third time, and the eighth time, and it NEVER. STOPS. SUCKING. so get over it, get used to it, and speed your game up so at least you can say you tried before she gave it up to the next man.
–
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Related Posts

• Team Selection [Hunters, Part 12]
• Follow The Leader [Hunters, Part 02]
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I touched on this briefly in “Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]“, but if you’re putting together a crew of dudes to pull chicks or even just working with one other guy, Team Selection is CRITICAL.

Sometimes, the reason you don’t get on is that you doomed yourself from the beginning by selecting the wrong team for the job.

Everybody’s not effective in all situations.

Just like Mission: Impossible, you have to figure out where you’re going, what the atmosphere is, what kind of women go there, which of your wingmen are effective with that particular demographic, and then who amongst that subset of your cronies is most likely to add value to the situation and least likely to fumble.

Jersey Shore

I felt like talking about this today because the ‘Jersey Shore’ dudes have this weirdo style of team-rapping. Every time you see them pull chicks, it’s in pairs. It’s really weird. :D

The problem with always picking up multiple chicks is that you’re multiplying your likelihood of failure. Instead of only having ONE female whose mood you have to regulate, you now have TWO. That’s bad enough to begin with, but then, similar to the Bechdel Test, they’re actually talking to each other, which is just about the worst thing that can happen. :(

So the question becomes “Did you pull the girls from the club because you wanted to mess with them or because you wanted to enjoy some kind of weirdo event with your homeboy where you hook up and he watches you and your girl from 15 feet away while he’s eating a sandwich?”.

As a side note, Vinny deserves props for salvaging his HORRIBLE RAP to Ramona. She seems to be having a very good time with Vinny now, so kudos to him on that! :D

Who Is He?

The first thing you need to know is WHO your wingman is, or perhaps what station he currently occupies in life. This is important because y’all might not be seeing chicks the same way, which could lead to disastrous results.

Let’s say, for instance, that you’re a single dude and you’re hanging out with a dude that’s married (and happens not to cheat on his wife). He’s not seeing any of the girls in your vicinity as potential targets, so he’s liable to do and say some REEEEEEEEEALLY STUPID THINGS.

What difference does it make to him if he alienates the chicks? That has no effect whatsoever on his wife giving him some when he goes home. What difference does it make if he makes himself (and you, by association) look like a JERK?.. None.

No matter what he does, his ability to get laid is insulated. This makes him dangerous and a potential liability to your rap at any stage of the game.

This week, on ‘Jersey Shore’, Pauly pulls these two chicks and they come back to the crib with him and Mike and when they get there, it turns out that Mike’s girl for the night isn’t DTF.

Instead of doing THE RIGHT THING and taking this extra chick to the kitchen or wherever so Pauly can get laid, Mike starts “calling a ho a ho”, which is NEVER good policy.

The LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO is tell a chick that you know she’s easy. Even hoes want to feel like they’re hard to get. YOUR goal in life is to let them believe that long enough for you to hook up with them.

So, not only does Mike call the chick a ho, but he informs her directly (and in front of the OTHER ho) that because she’s not going to perform, she has to get out of his bed right now and chill in the living room. :D HAHAHA Not only did he simultaneously destroy Pauly’s rap by pointing out his girl for the night’s station in life, but what sense did it make for him to kick the other chick out of the room and remain in the room HIMSELF, spectating Pauly’s action?

Actually, this brings me to the next section..

How Desperate Is He?

Desperation is a good trait in a wingman.. to a degree. You want your teammate to be rather interested in pulling new chicks for tonight because that’s what the game’s all about. If you teamed up with the married dude, he might not be hungry enough to be effective, AND will probably end up being a liability as I mentioned earlier.

OTOH.. You don’t want dude to be so desperate that he loses his mind and forgets what the goal of the evening is. The goal is not for the two of youse as a TEAM to get laid. After you extract the chicks from the club, it’s every man for himself. If your girl fronts, it’s your job to keep her from cockblocking your boy, because that’s what you want him to do for you on that night that will be coming up soon where your girl is DTF and his isn’t.

If you look at Mike’s behavior, it’s just stupid. What did he suspect was going to happen when he told the chick essentially “If you’re not giving it up, get out of my bed AND get out of my room, because the only reason I invited you over was to **** you”? :D haha Did he think she was going to go “Oh.. Damn.. You’re right about that.. My Bad! :/” and lay down and give it up?

That’s absolutely ridiculous, so in dissing her by telling her that her only value to him was the late-night hookup, all he did was simultaneously destroy Pauly’s rap too. If you’re calling the chick that WOULDN’T hook up with you a ho and kicking her out of bed, what does that make her homegirl feel like that’s still laying down with Pauly? o_O

So you want your wingman to be desperate enough to put in good work, but you DON’T want him to be so desperate that he catches feelings for not getting laid and ruins the night for YOU in the process.

What’s His Style?

If you’re going to Brooklyn, bring a hipster with you. If you’re going to an upscale Manhattan club, bring a dude in a suit that has class & style and won’t be intimidated by quality women. If you’re going to a ghetto party or social club, bring a ghetto dude.

“Styles Make Fights”. You have to select the proper team member(s) for each mission. Bringing the ghetto dude to the hipster party does you no good. Bringing the hipster to the Manhattan party does you no good.

Basically, you want your team to blend into the surroundings but simultaneously have an edge over other squads that are trying to pull the same girls. At the end of the day, women are women, or, how do they say?.. “All cats are grey in the dark”. Regardless of whatever your wingman’s style of dress or demeanor is, if he doesn’t know how to deal with women in general, you’re pretty much screwed. You might actually do better by bringing the ghetto guy that knows his way around women to the hipster party than bringing a dude that looks the part but isn’t contributing JACK-**** to the team getting on.

How Does He Pull Girls?

It’s very important to know what it is about a potential teammate that the ladies like. It’s also important to know what skillz he’s bringing to the table that help him to bypass roadblocks.

For instance.. Mike gets girls because of his stomach. No chick has ever called him handsome in the history of ‘Jersey Shore’. No chick has ever complimented him on his gift of gab. Every time you see girls around him in the club, it’s because he’s lifting his shirt and letting them touch his stomach. In the entire.. what?.. 22 episodes over two seasons of ‘Jersey Shore’, I’ve never seen Mike salvage a rap by talking the chick into hooking up with him. If she’s not DTF because of his body and/or because he’s a reality television star, it seems like he can’t pull a non-grenade to save his life.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but you have to recognize that that’s what he’s bringing to the table as a wingman. It’s like the strong guy on Mission: Impossible. You didn’t hire him to program any computers. You didn’t hire him to do any good acting. You hired him to lift things and beat people up. That was his job, because that’s what he was good for.

Similarly.. If you’re going to a club where girls give it up because a guy works out a lot, bring Mike. If you’re going to a hotel bar to meet women that expect intelligent & stimulating conversation, DO NOT bring Mike. :D

In fact, this is what confused me about the entire second season of ‘Jersey Shore’. The name of the show is…. JERSEY… SHORE… How in the **** are you going to film a season in Miami? Their style doesn’t even play well in Miami. It only works at Seaside Heights, New Jersey, and MAAAAAAYBE out on Long Island. That’s like making a show called “Harlem World” and filming the second season in the Lower East Side, or Kansas for that matter. It doesn’t make any sense.

Of course, they probably ended up calling it ‘Jersey Shore’ because all the other names they wanted to use for the show got rejected. \o/

Anyway.. If you’re going out with intelligent women, don’t bring a ditzy bodybuilding dude to back you up. If you’re going out with girls that are looking for “Gorilla Juice-Heads”, don’t bring a scrawny, artsy, intellectual dude with no physique.

It’s your job to bring dudes with you that the women you’re trying to hook up with are going to like just as much as it’s your job to find chicks that your boys are going to want to try to bring back to the hot tub.

Two Strikes, And You’re Out!

I’ve paid my dues. I’ve put in my *HOURS* of sitting around, chatting up chicks I didn’t give a flying **** about so my boy could screw her girlfriend in another room.

That’s probably why I don’t have any sympathy for these lame situations. It’s very simple. The goal is for everyone on the team to have a “good night”. If it works out that one dude pulls a DTF chick and someone else doesn’t, rally ’round the ******* FLAG and help your boy do what he’s trying to do.

One of these days, YOU’RE gonna be the only guy that pulled a viable chick and you’re going to appreciate your comrades assisting your efforts to reach The Dragon’s Lair.

Pretty much, a dude should be allowed to jack up your rap TWICE, maximum. The first time is when you didn’t know he was so stupid as to say or do what he did that made the girls scowl and scamper away instead of handing out contact information. The second time is after you TELL HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG and tell him how to fix it and inform him that you don’t intend to be cockblocked by his ridiculous antics ever again.

If he screws it up after that, don’t invite him on missions anymore. If he shows up by accident, distance yourself from him so you don’t suffer from guilt by association.

As much hard work as you put into crafting your image and demeanor, if you don’t surround yourself with the correct teammates, it’s all for naught because someone else is going to kick a hole in the boat and sink your rap for you.

If you don’t know what someone’s going to do or you suspect he’s going to do the wrong thing, you’re probably better off going solo and hannlin’ yo bidnezz on your own… You know what they say… “If you want something done right….” >:D
–
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According to the ‘Jersey Shore’ glossary, a Grenade is defined as:

1) A large, portly woman of an unsightly nature and violent disposition. 2) A difficult, prickly (often sober) friend of a potential conquest who blocks your advances on their friend’s behalf. A wingman is required at all times to “dive on the grenade” to ensure your success in the bedroom.

Obviously, those two definitions have nothing to do with each other. I understand why whomever wrote that was confused. The Fellaz changed the description of a Grenade after a couple of episodes, which will throw people off that don’t know what the **** they’re talking about.

DUFFs

Generally, but not always, what they’re describing as a Grenade is actually a DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend). This is the war-chief that you see when you encounter a pack of females. She’s easily spotted as she’s looking suspiciously around and trying to keep a count of all her girlfriends and whether they’re talking to “creeps” or not.

The DUFF’s job is to go into action when she sees that one of her girls might be planning to give it up to a dude and cockblock him ASAP. She appears like The Great Gazoo to magically destroy your rap.

The reason the DUFF is so on-point is that nobody ever kicks it to her. This leads to excessive bitterness and the deep-seated desire to make sure that her homegirls get as little play as she does. The “D” stands for Designated, as in designated driver. The same way you send that one person to the party that’s not going to drink so they can safely drive the rest of the drunkards home at the end of the night, the DUFF is responsible for making sure none of her girls hook up past maybe the makeout stage.

The reason why the distinction needs to be made between the DUFF and a Grenade is that there are A. LOT. OF. FOYINE. GIRLS. THAT. COCKBLOCK. THEIR. ASSES. OFF!!!

Just because a gal’s good-looking doesn’t exclude her from being a Grenade. In fact, Attractive Grenades are worse than Busted Grenades, so definition #1 needs to be stricken from the record. Expecting only unattractive girls to attempt to defuse your rap is an amateur mindset.

Grenades

Because the Jersey Shore fellaz failed to make the distinction between DUFFs and Grenades, they’ve confused the uninformed public. For instance, this season, Mike mentions how he, Pauly & Vinny were in the hot tub with a bunch of chicks and then he splashed some water on his face and suddenly realized “We’ve got GRENADES, Man!!! :O”.

That comment didn’t make any sense… Grenades would have cockblocked their homegirls from getting in the hot tub to begin with. Meanwhile, the girls in the tub were throwing sex at the guys left and right. They were definitely DTF (Down To ****).

What Mike SHOULD have said was “When I splashed water on my face, I realized that we had brought home girls that I wouldn’t have admitted to anybody that I kicked it with, except it’s on videotape and broadcast worldwide on televison and the internet.”

The funny thing about statements like that is how Mike is continually surprised at the visual quality of girls he pulls when it’s been a running joke throughout the entire two seasons of Jersey Shore that he and Pauly will bring back anything they can to the house at the end of the night. If splashing water on his face made him realize what the girls HE brought home actually looked like, that’s his fault for removing his own Beer Goggles.

The Original Grenade

We met an actual Grenade in ‘Jersey Shore’ season 01. I believe this is where the confusion of the term came from.

The Fellaz were snapping on this girl for two different reasons which match up to the glossary definition. They found her to be visually unattractive, AND the entire time she was on screen, she was liable to cockblock Mike.

She actually had no reason to be at the house. Pauly didn’t want to hit it, so that meant he had to babysit her so his boy Mike could get laid.

The Jersey Shore guys call this typical wingman tactic “Falling on the Grenade”. Basically, you have to ruin your evening hanging out with some chick just to distract her. The benefit is that your boy gets to tag up on the actual target chick AND that you feel your boy would do the same thing for you if you met a girl you wanted to bring back to the hot tub and the only way she was coming over was if she brought her Grenade-ass girlfriend with her.

So.. Regardless of her looks, she had to be stopped from destroying Mike’s rap, so she was named “The Grenade”.

The GFF

The GFF is the Grenade-Free Foundation, which supports a Grenade-Free America. :D

That really doesn’t have anything to do with cockblockers. It actually has to do with the level of visual quality of the girls these guys pull from the club.

This season, Vinny said that Mike & Pauly would bring home stray dogs from the club if they couldn’t get anything else. Last season, Ronnie and his boys were snapping all over Mike & Pauly saying that nothing they brought home was anywhere near Sammi’s (housemate and Ronnie’s girlfriend) quality.

In their defense, the only girls that are going to show up on a television show are the ones that agree to sign the releases, so it’s entirely possible that MTV is only showing the Grenades the fellaz pull and never the hawt chicks because none of them agree to be shown.

So, the GFF is a state of mind, really… It’s one man’s resolve that if a chick isn’t what he considers to be an 8, 9, or 10 (rating her looks from 1-10, with 10 being the most attractive), he’s not bringing her home or trying to hook up with her.

The obvious problem with this is that guys would rather hook up with a 7, 6 or 5 than NOT HOOK UP with a better-looking female. It’s better to have mediocre-looking chicks in the hot tub than to get no rap at all from hawt girls.

Hunting

It’s all part of the game of Hunting.

When you hit the streets, you’re seeing what you can come up with for that night.

Due to circumstances or the environment, you might not even have access to a chick that’s better than a 6 the entire evening.

You might have access to 8′s or 9′s, but they’re not going for your rap style.. What then? \o/

It’s either hook up with the sub-par chicks that WANT to hook up with you or go home, go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

So.. Unfortunately, The GFF doesn’t exist except in the hearts and minds of guys that are willing to adhere to the terms of the concept.

It’s a fun thing to say… Grenade-Free America!!!! :D but it’s not realistic. Vinny may or may not have hooked up with Snooki this season and he was obviously embarrassed about having slept in the same bed with her… That’s what happens. That’s how life goes.

It’s nice to claim that you only hook up with hawt chicks, but that only works for two sets of guys.. The guys that ACTUALLY only hook up with top-notch-looking women and the guys that successfully keep their exploits with sub-par chicks under the hat.

Neither one of those categories apply to the dudes on ‘Jersey Shore’. :D HAHAHA The only reason you need to declare a Grenade-Free America is that you have to stop YOURSELF from partaking in the Grenades.

Unfortunately.. Methinks They Doth Protest Too Much because at the end of the night, several Grenades in the hot tub trumps zero FOYINE girls in the hot tub and the GFF or GFA will remain a state of mind that guys aspire to but never actually achieve.

Related Posts

• Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]
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In response to Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01], Reader “C Jay” writes:

“One thing i wanted to ask is about the whole follow the leader thing. Doesnt it make more tactical sense that the wing be the leader, i mean except for target selection he basically determines everything else.”

This is an excellent question and one I’ve never considered before. The short answer is: “The Top Gun leads the rap unless the ‘lesser dude’ in the situation has exclusive recon that makes him the one that should be calling the shots”. Therefore, there are actually TWO configurations you have to deal with.. Who is the leader when neither one of you has a chick yet and who is the leader once ONE OF YOU gets a rap and the other becomes “wingman” by default?

Training Grounds

I really like this question, because I spent A. LOT. OF. TIME. as NOT THE TOP DOG when it comes to pulling chicks. There are two ways you can deal with this.. Fight against the pecking order and still try to pull the top girls or go with the flow and benefit from the trickle-down as well as learning what the players did to be successful so you can emulate them in the future.

When you first start out in the game, you don’t realize you’re at a SEVERE DISADVANTAGE because you don’t know what guys are doing to attract chicks. You think it’s pot luck. “I went somewhere, a chick liked me, I got on”. Little did you know that tricks of the trade were being used to send primitive indicators to girls that they should select the next guy instead of you. If you pay close attention for long enough, you figure out what they’re doing.

You have the same jeans on, but theirs are perfectly ironed and creased. You have the same jacket on, but they work out and they’re in better shape than you. They go to the barber shop before the weekend so their “line is tight” and you don’t. They have a job, so they have more money than you get from your allowance. They spent $50 on a flimsy gold chain that they FINALLY got out of layaway, but they also bought a nice medallion that chicks flock to and want to look at and touch, while you have enough money to buy that same chain right now in your pocket, but there’s nothing for chicks to SEE, so you lose. They have the slow jam tape on them and you don’t. They took a virtual BATH in Egyptian Musk and you didn’t……

Protect The Leader

What you figure out eventually is that you’re walking into the war without your vest and without your gun.

I’ve never been in an actual war and I’m not going to be.. I’ve been in innumerable wars via FPS video gaming.

I remember being in a HALO game with my crew after we acquired a female player we call “Angel”. We were playing team deathmatch, and as the squad leader, I’m in charge of figuring out how we’re doing and determining our strategy second to second.

So every time I hit the button to check the individual and team scores, Angel’s K/D (kill-to-death ratio) is going UP while the rest of ours are going DOWN and the game is pretty much even. I’m not a shooter, I’m a strategist and I tell other people who to shoot, so I wasn’t going to be a factor in putting us in the lead for good.

The simple fact the numbers were telling me was that when Angel was UP, our team was advancing, and when Angel was DOWN, the other team was advancing. The executive decision I made as soon as I figured this out was that *EVERYBODY*s job for the rest of the game was to make sure that ANGEL stayed alive.

Anybody you see shooting at Angel, CAP him. If she’s in a firefight, shoot the guy she’s shooting. If there’s a powerup or ammo for her weapons, leave that for her. If you’re getting shot while you’re helping Angel, too bad for you.. You’re SOL (**** out of luck). You don’t turn around and shoot that person. You stay on your assignment, and when that dude drops you, he’s going to have to reload and Angel’s going to get our kill back.

Fortunately, the rest of our teammates believed in my time-proven ability to strategize and sacrificed themselves, as did I, to keep Angel Blazin’, and we ended up crushing the other team decisively.

This is the same way raps need to be handled. Whomever is being EFFECTIVE, RIGHT NOW is the one the team has to rally behind to facilitate his efficiency. If he’s rapping to the girl you wanted?… You have to eat that. Maybe you get the best chick next time. All you do by fighting over or rapping to the same chick is make your entire crew look like Busters and then none of y’all deserves the rap! :D

Meanwhile, whomever has the favor of the crowd has to not be selfish. Recognize that you’re able to do what you’re doing right now because other guys are warding off cockblockers and sacrificing their own desires so you can rap to a chick they want for themselves. It’s YOUR JOB to put in a good word for your boys and facilitate THEIR raps to the extra chicks instead of riding your current success to glory in Valhalla.

There’s No “I” In TEAM!

So.. To answer C Jay’s question, the leader in a situation where two guys head out to pick up chicks is dynamic, not static.

Optimally, BOTH GUYS have an equal grasp of the game and either guy is likely to get a rap at any point of the night.

When that’s the case, it becomes a flow, like hockey players on a 2 vs. 1 break. It’s not important that one particular guy scores. It’s important that THE TEAM goes ahead by one goal.

If the team goes +1, there’s a good chance that EVERYONE will end up with the “W”. If the guys on the break are selfish, they might screw up their advantage, nobody scores, and the team isn’t any better off.

This is one of the reasons why Wingman Selection is so important. You have to actually be HAPPY if your boy gets on and you go home with nothing or waste hours distracting her homegirl from blocking your boy’s action. Dudes that don’t have this kind of rapport with each other start getting sour and sabotaging raps and making the whole crew look like clowns.

Bada Bing, Bada Boom

So, assuming you have equal dudes working together, the leader is the one that has the best idea for how one or both of them are going to get on tonight. You saw this in “Jersey Shore” when Mike & Pauly were standing out in the street deciding whether to invite the chick and the grenade home to hop in the hot tub. Mike has a line on the girl he wants to hook up with. That chick comes with an extra chick that needs to be distracted, which is going to be Pauly’s job.

Pauly says to him “We don’t have anything better, right?”. This means that they’ve kicked all the game they’re willing to kick for the evening and it’s time to disappear with some chicks. If Pauly had pulled a chick that HE wanted to bring back, he would have said so right there. Since he hadn’t, he was willing to facilitate Mike’s rap and help him try to score.

At that point in the game, the leader was Mike, because he had a direct connection to a girl he was trying to hook up with. Best-Case Scenario for the evening was Mike +1, Pauly +0 = Team +1. Once they got home, Mike dropped the ball and didn’t isolate his chick fast enough before Pauly got tired/bored/annoyed with covering for him and bailed. We don’t know what happened, because that’s an edited show, but Pauly SHOULD have told Mike to hurry the **** up and make it happen.

At that point, as C Jay is suggesting, the wing is actually the leader, however, I suggest that he took over because he had a better grasp of the situation, which was that Mike wasn’t pulling the trigger and something good needed to happen QUICKLY, or else.

Unfortunately, I really doubt this is the case in most situations. I think most of the time, either one or both guys don’t know the first thing about what they’re doing with chicks and it’s a Keystone Cops / pot luck scenario, thus the term “Getting Lucky”, because guys have no idea how they got laid. \o/

Experience > Current Advantage

When you have one guy that knows what he’s doing and one guy that doesn’t, there is NO. CHANGE. IN. LEADERSHIP. The other guy’s not qualified to make any decisions.

Regardless of who’s working on someone at the time, the ‘lesser’ dude doesn’t suddenly have wisdom bestowed upon him because he happens to currently enjoy the best chance of getting on.

I found this out the hard way in a couple of scenarios. In one of them, 4 or 5 of us rolled up on several chicks and I was talking to a pretty nice-looking girl until to my chagrin, the Top Dog broke from the girl he was rapping to and rolled up on my conversation, rendering me immediately invisible. :D hahaha OH. MAN!.. I. Was. Mad. As. A. ****!!! :D

The other situation was that I was talking to this chick first but didn’t kick the proper game. I wasn’t “Street” enough for her tastes, so eventually, this SCRUM (lowlife) came over that was part of my crew and started talking to her and she fell for it immediately.

This dude probably LITERALLY had DUST in his pockets, was dumb as a box of rocks and at the time had no earning potential whatsoever… BUT… he was wearing trendy clothes and had an earring and sounded like he was from the ghetto, which he was, and the chick immediately went out like a sucker.

I think I even TOLD HER THAT DAY that my homeboy wasn’t about JACK (not to try to cockblock him, but because I could see her future from the way she was blindly jocking him so hard), but she didn’t want to hear it. She was too busy sweating him. A few months later, I run into her in the street and she’s all crying and distraught because she’s pregnant by him and he threw her number in the trash. C’est La Vie. \o/

The point being that I didn’t come to the table with the “Toolry & the Jewelry” to turn these chicks’ heads, so I didn’t have any say in the raps whatsoever. My effect on the situation was minimal, so my choice in the matter was to follow the leaders and depend on the trickle-down unless the leaders decided to swoop in and bag that up as well. :D

Critical Recon & Intel

The *ONLY* time the lesser dude has any juice is when he’s privy to exclusive and important information that changes the game.

Sometimes, even though you’re not even trying, a chick is just sweating you for some unknown reason. She likes how you look… She likes that you’re not pressing up on every chick in the place… She likes that you sound educated… You’re at the beach, so she can tell you’re in FANTASTIC SHAPE compared to your more-suave homeboys… You actually listen to her and talk to her instead of nodding at her until you can get laid….. Whatever it is, there are some circumstances where the lesser dude has a chick locked down, and that’s when HE becomes the most important guy in the crew.

He’s still not the SMARTEST when it comes to this, so it’s in his best interest to pull the Top Dog to the side and explain the situation so the tactics can be determined. The fact remains that he’s currently THE MAN, so the team’s goal is to make sure he’s as successful as possible and everyone else gets whatever they can salvage from the evening.

Another common intel situation is that chicks are often too scared to kick it to the Top Dogs. For the same reasons that guys find it insanely easy to talk to girls they’re not attracted to, some chicks will approach lower-level dudes and TELL THEM DIRECTLY that they’re interested in the guy they’re scared to talk to. This is your opportunity to not be a ******* HATER and share the wealth. If you see that your boy’s wasting time trying to kick it to a different chick when this one’s already down with the program (assuming of course that they’re interchangeable, looks-wise), find a way to interrupt your boy and let him know what time it is. If he’s happy with his current chick, he might send you back to get her number for future reference. If he’s tired of putting in work and wants to get down to the nitty gritty, he’ll probably pass this chick off to you and go talk to the “Sure Thing”.

Do NOT let your feelings of jealousy cause you to sit on intel. Sometimes, it’s just not your day. Sometimes, your boy gets all the raps and you have to be cool with that or you’re in the wrong business. Go solo if you hate seeing your friends enjoy themselves.

Of course, conflict can occur when both guys happen to get on simultaneously with different sets of chicks, haha in which case, they’ll have to agree to split up and handle each group separately or one guy needs to get contact information and close out so he can assist his boy with the other set.

Dynamic Allocation

So we wind up back at the short answer. The Leader is determined dynamically, based on the situation and the guy’s respective skillz when it comes to pulling chicks. Both guys have to know each other’s styles and both have to respect each other’s games to the degree that they’re willing to take one for the team this time, knowing that their boy’s going to do the same for them when THEY’RE in an advantageous position. Without that inherent trust & camaraderie, the whole thing falls apart and it’s every man for himself.

I’d also like to add that the game starts before you leave the house. You need to walk out the door envisioning how the night’s going to go for you AND your boys. You have to understand your friends’ strengths and weaknesses so you can see the playing field properly when the evening’s chicks show up and it’s time to make it happen. You have to understand where you’re going and which wingmen are going to be effective in that particular environment.

Related Posts

• Team Selection [Hunters, Part 12]
• Sour Wingmen
• Wingman Responsibilities [Hunters, Part 01]
• Video Games & Dating, Part 01
• How to *NOT* be a creep

One of the reasons I really enjoyed MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is that they finally showed the lifestyle of what I call “Hunters”. Pauly & Mike were hunters, at least at the time that show was taped. They were down for the game. Fresh (new) chicks every night. They had a couple of repeat chicks, but for the most part, they were struggling to see what they could do every day and that’s what hunting’s all about.

Hunting isn’t for everybody. A lot of guys are looking to land the best chick they can get and retire. That’s what Ronnie did. He definitely COULD have hunted if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to. :D He sold out for the guaranteed daily lay with a chick that floated his boat and there’s nothing wrong with THAT! :D ‘Matter of fact, it looked like Mike was hating himself for having his hands on Sammi first and blowing it by pulling more random chicks to hop in the hot tub and make out. Had he realized his error earlier, it might have been “The Situation” that sold out and Ronnie & Pauly hunting.

Vinny didn’t do much of anything extraordinary. He pulled this old chick that his landlord/boss had been trying to kick it to and he pulled Mike’s sister after Mike HELPED VINNY by introducing them. Throughout the show, Vinny was the balance for the guys, bringing the “nice guy” and “voice of reason” vibe to the group.

Distract The DUFF

One of the best parts of the show was when Pauly & Mike are standing outside a club figuring out their prospects for the evening. They had been in it to win it but didn’t come up with anything satisfying to both of them, so Pauly agreed to take one for the team and assist Mike in getting on with this chick he liked.

Pauly’s job was to distract the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend), which they referred to as a “Grenade”. The idea is basically that the chick was a grenade someone threw and Pauly was willing to fall on it to save Mike. hahaha oh man. :D

In case you’re not aware of what Mike needed saving from, it’s called CockBlocking. It’s when someone sees that you’re about to get laid or whatever and deliberately messes up your action. If Pauly hadn’t gone with Mike to invite the two girls back to the crib, Mike wouldn’t have been able to extract the one girl by herself = no sex. By Pauly talking to the DUFF, which he said ahead of time that he wasn’t interested in messing with AT ALL, it gave her HOPE that she might hook up with a guy she liked. That’s really all you need to extract girls from situations.. Give them all HOPE that they’re all going to have a good time.

Without that hope, she’s going to hate. She’s going to hate on Mike for trying to get laid and she’s going to hate on her girlfriend for being more attractive than she is and always getting the offers & attention. It’s in her best interest to destroy Mike’s rap, which means she’s a grenade.

If you’re going to help your boy out and distract the extra chick, it’s your boy’s job to make it ******* SNAPPY and get on as soon as possible. He should know that you would rather be watching television, playing foosball, drunk-dialing some chick you actually want to kick it with or just plain BEING ASLEEP rather than wasting time distracting the DUFF, so he should be courteous and hurry the **** up with makin’ it happen.

That’s not what Mike did. Apparently, he was too drunk to recognize the situation and he was playing it as if Pauly had a girl he was trying to hook up with, which would have meant they had all night to get on. Meanwhile, the chick got on Pauly’s nerves to the point where he just flat-left and the grenade ended up blowing up Mike’s rap and extracting her girlfriend when Mike already had her in bed. :D *BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM*!!! HAHAHA :D

Wingman Courtesy

Pauly was completely within his rights to leave Mike with both chicks. Mike was at fault for having a slow-ass rap. I know how it feels to be on wingman/DUFF duty and time moves SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY. I mean it takes FOR-EV-VER for your boy to finish up and hit the bathroom so you can finally BOUNCE (assuming you don’t live there). In the meantime, you’re at your wits’ END trying to keep this chick amused without tipping your hand that you’re trying to keep her amused. You have to act interested in her or else she’s going to figure out what’s going on and barge in while your boy’s tagging up and ruin the entire experience for him.

I didn’t mind wasting my time because my boy was already hooking up. I was just making sure he didn’t get interrupted. Mike took so long to get to the nitty-gritty that Pauly broke out before Mike even CONSIDERED extracting his chick to a private room. If that had been how I was feeling, I would have told my boy to use it or lose it and he would have had to do two-minute-drill to get his girl alone or I would have been out.

Other than that.. Just like they advised in “Top Gun”, Never Leave Your Wingman. If you can’t get on, at least you can get the assist. Of course, sudden opportunities sometimes arise where you’re getting attention from a chick you actually want, in which case you should inform your boy that you’re going to peel off to see about the other chick and he’s going to have to deal with the grenade until you get back… IF you get back! ;)

Team Selection

Another important issue is that you have to be somewhat matched up with your wingman. By that, I mean that y’all have to have approximately the same vibe, even if one of you is superior to the other one in a bunch of stuff.

Like, let’s say it would have been Mike and Vinny instead of Mike and Pauly… Mike might not have gotten to extract his chick at all because the DUFF might not have considered Vinny her type and she would have vetoed the action from the giddyap.

Unfortunately, types change from venue to venue. A dude might make an excellent wingman in a ghetto bar and be an absolute liability in a wine bar. You have to know where you’re going when you’re assembling your team. For Seaside Heights, Ronnie, Pauly & Mike could have cleaned up.. Vinny, not so much.

Also, even if your boy has the look, he has to have the right demeanor. You really can’t afford to have your props dragged down into oblivion because your boy is all thirsty and drooling over chicks. When I’m hunting, I like to play the wall and scope out the action. You have to figure out which chicks are kickin’ it with or might have arrived with which guys, which chicks are crowded together in a defensive huddle, which guys are scheming on chicks they haven’t met yet, etc.

You won’t see me on the dance floor because I didn’t come to the party to dance with chicks. That’s a waste of my time. That’s the cheap win. If they ask *ME*, then yeah, I’ll dance with them, but you’re not gonna see me hovering around the dance floor like a vulture trying to rub up on some chick’s ass. You look thirsty and cheap and the chicks figure you for a “mark”, meaning some Herb they can get free drinks off of because you’re hoping to land a number or extraction from them at the end of the evening. I’ll be right on the side, checking my email, texts, foursquare & gowalla for whatever other action’s going on in case this place is lame.

The problem is.. If your boy’s not on the same vibe, it really doesn’t matter how cool you are. He’s going to hustle on over to the chicks and start playing himself and buying drinks and then come back over to you, making you look needy and thirsty right along with him because birds of a feather flock together… Next thing you know, you have chicks tryin’na bum drinks offa you that you’ve never spoken to before in life! :D

Communication

If you’re gonna work with a guy in pulling chicks, communication is entirely and absolutely essential. You need to be able to signal important information like “Go away”, “Go away and take that chick with you”, “Come get this extra chick off of me”, “Come here”, “Call me away from these chicks”, “This isn’t working”, “Switch girls”, “Check out those chicks over there”, “Did you see her ass??? :O”, “Got one! :D” and “Let’s get out of here” without the chicks noticing what’s going on.

You normally want to do this with eye contact and hand gestures that mean something to you and your wingman but don’t mean anything to anyone else. At this point, you can also use texting, except that a guy looks rude checking and sending texts while he’s having a conversation with a gal.

If you don’t have your communication game tight, expect NOTHING from a guy you’re hanging out with as far as helping you rap to chicks. Nothing. There’s no reason he should know what you’re trying to do or what you want HIM to do if you don’t explicitly inform him.

Follow The Leader

You also both have to have equal status as far as vetoing situations. When two guys are hanging out, one guy doesn’t become the wingman until the other guy gets a rap. If your boy kicks it to a chick and you just can’t see yourself falling on the particular grenade she’s with, pull him to the side and let him know that he has about five minutes to get some kind of contact information for this chick because you’re about to break North, regardless. There’s no reason why you should waste your evening because your boy wasn’t courteous enough to kick it to a chick that had good-looking friends for you.

Unfortunately, this is also a function of Team Selection. If you don’t have a properly-balanced team, you end up with leaders and followers instead of a squad of relative equals. In that case, you don’t want to follow the followers and you don’t want the followers attempting to lead the leaders. Everybody needs to play their position so the night runs as smoothly as possible.

The optimum situation is that both sets of guys & gals that got paired up are into each other and everybody’s looking forward to a good evening. If one of the fellaz has to take as short, so be it. Your boy *SHOULD* look out for you next time, actually even attempting to HELP YOU pull the hotter chick because he owes you from last time. However, if worse comes to worse, Like Clint Eastwood said, “A Man’s Gotsta Know His Limitations!” :D

Related Posts

• Team Selection [Hunters, Part 12]
• How To Approach Women
• Mind Your Own Business (MYOB)
• Men Buy Sex
• Boys’ Club of America