Recreational Sex

One of the ‘consequences’ of the fact that I write in so much depth is that people find it tough to follow my concepts. It’s also because I’m talking about things that people don’t understand. I’m talking about WHY things happen, not *what*happens*. I’m not telling guys to go buy flowers for their girls. I’m talking about THE EFFECT on her when you buy those flowers.

Another ‘problem’ with my style is that I write from “stream of consciousness”. I think about a topic and I type what I’m thinking…. on the fly… When I post something, it’s because that’s what I’ve been thinking about and typing about for the last hour or two. This also makes it tough for the average Joe/Josephine to follow, because it’s not aimed at them. It’s aimed at myself and people who can grasp and process my concepts and the way I present them.

The good thing about this is when someone gets pissed off enough to make a comment. This way, I can see what they took away from reading my post. I get to see the difference between what I THOUGHT I was expressing and what they received… or at least what they were able to articulate from what they received.

Reader “AJ” (no site link… so you know what that means) left me a comment this morning on my post, “Male Birth Control Pills!!!”. I think the points that AJ brought up were too important/interesting to have my response stuck in my comment stream, so I wanted to make a new post based on his/her comments.

Briefly, “Male Birth Control Pills!!!” is about the fact that if they actually create this stuff and it works, guys are going to have a new choice when it comes to attempting to ensure that they don’t get chicks pregnant. Here’s AJ’s response:

AJ: June 30, 2008 at 6:43 am

“All about being the sleezy, gutless guy with no responsibility hey? All play and pleasure no actual contribution to anything. In complete control of his self-centred pleasure obsessed destiny!

If you want to be a loser in life, use the pill, your chick if she is using her’s already, chances are she will get fat for it, if not get cancer! Use her to the point where she is risking her life for your pleasure. You da man aren’t you!”

First of all, sleAzy is spelled with an “A”. ( http://mw4.m-w.com/dictionary/sleazy )

Second, my post was about GUYS *USING* BIRTH CONTROL, which equates to TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. Being *irresponsible* is *NOT* making sure that you use birth control and getting a chick pregnant when you have no intention of having kids with her. So your first sentence doesn’t make any sense. A “sleazy, gutless guy” would do what he wants to do and not care whether the chick gets pregnant or not, so he wouldn’t be READING my post, and he MOST CERTAINLY wouldn’t be WRITING my post.

Third… Not like your troll-ass is still anywhere near my blog, but responsibility for what? If she doesn’t get pregnant, you HAVE no responsibility. Does that make sense? “No actual contribution to anything”? Contribution to WHAT? What are you talking about? 🙂 You mean like a campaign contribution? The “contribution” in messing with a chick is that she has a good time, gets some sort of satisfaction and feels like a desired and attractive woman. What else would you like a guy to contribute to? PLEASE feel free to respond, because I’d love to know. 🙂

I’m going to skip “play and pleasure” for now, since I think that’s the most important point AJ makes, and move on to:

AJ: “If you want to be a loser in life, use the pill”

um…….. WHAT? 😀 hahahaha Did you read this before you posted it? According to my stats, you’re from Australia. I don’t know “how they do” over there, but in the USA, we have a bunch of what are known as “deadbeat dads”, which interestingly enough, Wikipedia has down as “deadbeat parents”.

Deadbeat parent is a pejorative term referring to parents of either gender that have freely chosen not to be a financially supportive parent in their children’s lives. Primarily used in the US, the gender-specific Deadbeat dad and Deadbeat mom are commonly used by the child support agency to refer to men and women who have fathered or mothered a child but fail to pay child support ordered by a family law court or statutory agency such as the Child Support Agency. The real definition is an unrestricted parent treated equally who chooses not to be a regular or supportive parent in their child or children’s lives.”

THAT’S “being a loser in life”, my mellow. So by avoiding the situation of having kids a guy never intended to have, that’s the OPPOSITE of losing, which is WINNING. 😀 So your statement should have read “If you want to be a WINNER in life, use the pill”.

AJ: “your chick if she is using her’s already, chances are she will get fat for it, if not get cancer! Use her to the point where she is risking her life for your pleasure. You da man aren’t you!”

If you go back and read my post, you’ll notice that I don’t advocate ANYWHERE putting your girl on the pill. *THAT’S* irresponsible, assuming YOU’RE THE ONE that doesn’t want to have kids with her. There’s no reason to mess with her body chemistry for your personal fun and recreation (and her fun and recreation as well, haha 😀 ). That’s actually the ENTIRE point of the post. Supposedly, the day is coming where there’s a choice that the male has to enact protection besides condoms and vasectomies.

On top of that, besides potential health issues, if she goes on the pill it could change her body-type, potentially taking her outside of your personal range of what you find sexy, and then you won’t want to hit it anyway. Putting her on the pill defeats the purpose of her going on the pill in the first place. This is why Male Birth Control is a grand option, if they ever figure out how to make it happen.

Having said that… I understand what AJ’s overall issue is, and I think it’s an important point to bring up, because it’s an extremely common disconnect that many women have which disallows them from grasping the actual reality of their “relationships”.

AJ: “All play and pleasure no actual contribution to anything. In complete control of his self-centred pleasure obsessed destiny!”

Another of the many things lots of women never realize is that there are A LOT OF GUYS that want to have sex with you with *NO* *INTENTION* *WHATSOEVER* of having kids with you. 🙂 There are lots of guys that want to have sex with you with no intention of entering a “relationship” with you. There are lots of guys that are into sex exactly for the reasons that AJ states… “self-centered, pleasure-obsessed DESTINYYYYY!!! 😀 “. In the best-case scenario, he’s up front about that with you and you know this guy’s physically attracted to you right now, and doesn’t necessarily want to call or iChat you tomorrow. Even in the case of recurring sexual encounters (often referred to by women as “a relationship”), the fact that he hits it over and over does NOT imply any form of progression towards you becoming his girlfriend or wife. This is why y’all are always asking dudes “where is this going?”… It’s because it’s not *GOING* anywhere. 🙂 It is what it is. He gets to tap that. You get out of it whatever you get out of it. The sun “comes up” and then it “goes back down”. Rinse & Repeat.

This is what AJ’s issue is. The fact of the matter is that there are lots of guys that are having recreational sex with chicks that turn them on, and they have no intention of having kids with said chick or starting a family or even discussing future relationship configurations with her. For those guys, supposedly, the day is coming where they’re going to be able to protect their self-centered, pleasure-obsessed destinies by taking pills that will make it extremely unlikely that the chick will get pregnant, even if he’s using a condom and it breaks.

From where I’m sitting, that’s BEING RESPONSIBLE and WINNING at the same time.

Thanks for the exercise, AJ. 😉

DatingGenius

 

 

Who Are You?

I’ve had some really interesting experiences as of late, which all revolve around the question “Who Are You?”. Not the absolutely unknowing question, as in “Who IS that over there?”, but the arrogant question “Who are YOU?”.

Let’s get it straight off the bat. “Who you are” is relative and completely subjective.

Am I an Emmy Award-Winning video editor? Yes I am. Have I been a National *and* International Emmy Awards Judge for several years? Yes I have. Does that have *ANYTHING* to do with how I interact with people? No, it does not.

2007 International Emmy Award JudgingBill Cammack & Elizabeth Hummer 1999-2000 New York Emmy Award WinnersDave & Bill @ NYNATAS - Emmy Judging

This is because what I’ve accomplished is NOT “who I am”. Similarly, what other people have NOT accomplished is NOT “who they are”, either. To take that one level further… Not knowing that someone’s accomplished something does not make them NOBODY or INFERIOR. Learning that someone HAS accomplished something doesn’t automatically make them SOMEBODY or SUPERIOR, either.

I touched on this topic peripherally in “How’s your logo working for you?” when I mentioned meeting Nathan Freitas. To expand… We had just come from a great frisbee game, and a bunch of us headed out to celebrate and socialize afterwards. I had played against Nate, and I thought he did well, and I hadn’t met him before, so I introduced myself to him. He didn’t recognize my name, and I didn’t recognize his, but he knew of ReelSolid.TV, and he and I had actually had text-based interaction way before meeting IRL because he had commented on a video I did about men’s suits. Interestingly enough, even though I knew NOTHING about Cruxy.com at the time, I knew I had a picture with Mike Hudack while he was wearing a Cruxy shirt. Nate immediately and adamantly informed me that I was mistaken, at which time I turned on my camera and produced said picture:

Bill & Mike

The point that’s relevant to this particular post is that I didn’t go from “nobody” to “somebody” when Nate figured out “who I was”. I went from “a person” to “a person that Nate had heard of, and whose work he had seen”. Same thing with me. For me, Nate went from “a frisbee opponent” to “someone I’ve met who runs a site where artists can upload their work and get paid for it”.

Most people who meet me have no idea “who I am”, and I like it that way. They have no idea that I’m an MIT graduate. They have no idea that I’m DatingGenius.

Limor, Phil & Bill
Brass Rats: Phil, Limor, Bill

I like it that way, because people are REAL when they don’t have a reason to sweat you. I love being “judged” by what people see when they look at me. 😀 I love it when people play themselves, because there’s no returning from that. It’s like “Before you knew who you were talking to, you acted totally differently towards me”.

Anyway… I’ve had several interesting interactions over the last three weeks, revolving around the question “Who are YOU?”

I ended up at this party, and I saw this random chick hanging out with three of my homegirls. Out of the goodness of my heart, I decided to introduce myself to her. What I intended to do was say hello to her and move on to hanging out with my actual friends. So I say “Hi. I’m Bill”, and her response is “You sent me a friends request on Facebook, and I declined it”. HAHAHA So I’m like ?????? because this is a totally new situation for me. Usually, when chicks don’t accept you on Facebook, that’s because they don’t want to talk to you AT ALL, so when they’re around you, they don’t say jack to you. So I’m like “Wait a minute… Let me get this straight. You just informed me that I friended you on Facebook so you could tell me that you didn’t accept it? :D” and she’s like “Yeah… Who the hell are YOU?”

So, this was really funny, considering that I have over 500 Facebook contacts and over 280 Linkedin contacts and over 650 Twitter contacts and over 600 MySpace contacts, not to mention people that know “who I am” all over the planet, from Hawaii to the U.K. to Tokyo to The Netherlands to California to NYC. Meanwhile, I introduced myself to this chick “cold”, not recognizing her face or body from anywhere, and not recognizing her as someone that I sent a Facebook friends invite to. In the future, when I figured out “who she was”, I realized that I had friended her because I saw that we had 17 mutual friends. There was nothing interesting or appealing about her. Similar to what happened IRL, I was extending the hand of friendship to someone who was friends with friends of mine.

So I found the question “Who the hell are YOU?” to be ridiculous, because it was as if she was requesting for me to audition to be her Facebook friend when I didn’t give a damn about her in the first place. It was like *I* had something to gain from it. Meanwhile, I could have ignored her completely and interacted with my actual friends and my day would have been exactly the same, except for a funny story to tell about how people get souped up and think they’re worth knowing for some odd reason. 🙂

Another interesting reaction I got recently was at a party. At some point, I took a picture with some chick that I had met that night. About 22 hours after I posted the picture to my flickr stream, I got an email from her with some sob story about the reason why she was asking me to take it down. I didn’t believe a word she said, but I gladly made it private, because every picture I take and post is with people that want to take pictures with me. Just the fact that she was asking me to remove it was grounds for removal. The question here is… Why the hell are you taking pictures with people and not expecting those pictures to arrive on the net? The only uneducated guess I can come up with is that because she had never seen me before, she didn’t figure that a picture she took with me would end up anywhere of note. According to her sob story, she didn’t want certain people to see her partying. The question becomes a) Why were you partying in the first place, and b) Why were you taking pictures with people if you didn’t want to be spotted partying?

Last week, I approached this chick who’s active in social media and is always asking her ‘fans’ for things. When she sends out mass emails, she’s all friendly and acting like she knows who it is that she’s interacting with and cares about them. However, when I arrived, not only was she completely disinterested in who I might be, but she failed to even state what her name was. I didn’t bother asking her because I already knew her name and what she does. I found it funny how someone could be such a beggar in social media, yet totally didn’t promote herself IRL. What sense does it make to make contacts with people via computer and then alienate them in person?

OTOH… There are lots of people that I met during PodCampNYC or at various Twitter Meetups or Meetup Meetups that are either AS GENUINE as they appear online or even MORE SO. 😀 A lot of what we experience of people on the net is merely the characters they’re portraying in their “shows”. When the cameras aren’t rolling, and it’s down to one-on-one communication and interaction, that’s where people really shine or they don’t. That’s where you get to see how people act when there’s nothing in it for them. No audience. No revenue-sharing. No business deals. Just you and them. Person to Person. Face to Face. What’s it like for you to be around them? What’s it like for them to be around you?

Bill & PhilAnnie, Patty, Joe, Roxanne & ChristineKathryn, Christian & Bill

Ultimately, the question “Who are you?” is unimportant. What’s important is how you carry yourself and interact with others. On the spur of the moment, when you meet someone, how do you react to them? How do you interact with them? Do you act differently based on their accomplishments or who they know? Can you have a good time with people that are willing to have a good time with you? What’s the threshold above which you’re willing to interact with someone standing next to you? Someone that sends you a social media ‘friends request’? Someone that’s a friend of a friend of yours, but you haven’t had personal contact with yet?

Is social media merely a networking tool for you, or are you looking to enrich your life by meeting interesting and intelligent people and cultivating relationships with them?